Jesus doesn’t love me

It really hurts. Like I tweeted, I fell off a bed with two mattresses….onto a hard floor. 😦 My head, side and everything just aches. I’m sure I will be fine. Heh. But for now: Major OW!

(For the record like most of my entries, this entry is titled after a song. It isn’t a personal statement).

So I went to church against my will last night. Longest. Concert. Ever. It was kinda cool to see the “pastor from TV” in person. That was my favorite part actually. The music was pretty good. I didn’t mind some of the preaching but OMG, I don’t believe in Jesus Christ. (no offense). Sentences started off good but then the person would mention JC or their God and they totally lost me.

My coworker who dragged me there doesn’t know that I don’t believe in their God. I don’t even know who their God is…Um, the one in the Bible. (?) I believe in a higher power. I have no problems with people calling it a God. I just am 100% against a savior. I don’t believe in Jesus in that way. I have read the entire Bible. (okay, I might have skipped over some parts but I felt like I read the whole thing).

I’m not a Buddhist but that ‘religion’ describes my feelings more than anything. It was a nice church. The people were great. Etc. But I can never go to a place that places an emphasis on a savior. No one is saving me.

Socially I sucked last night. But as long as I didn’t kill my coworker’s buzz then I don’t feel too bad. I was so tired. And the whole thing was new to me. It wasn’t like anything I’d ever been to. I’ve only seen this stuff on TV! I was a fish out of water. I was frozen. I could only clap.

Going to that church made me think that I wouldn’t mind going to a Buddhist temple. I think we only have ONE so….uh, not happening. I like options. I did go to a Unitarian church about a year or so ago. That was uncomfortable too. (Shocker!) The real reason I didn’t go back is because they MAKE YOU go to a day long orientation. I can’t think of much worse than that*. Why would a church require that to join?

*as far as social stuff goes
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GOOD NEWS! Total yayness. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Thanks to Living Social, I have 20 yoga or Zumba classes. Yay! It only cost me $20. I doubt I take 20 yoga classes in 60 days. They only offer yoga 3 times a week (during non work hours). Of course there is a perfect timing Zumba class. :/ I wouldn’t have to wait a hour+ after work to take it. I think I might try one Zumba class. I love to dance but from what I’ve seen Zumba is NOT my thing.

Since I only paid $20, I will be pleased with 6-7 yoga classes in 60 days plus maybe at least trying Zumba. I hope I like it but um, I don’t see that happening. The 60 days doesn’t start until I take my first class. Oh, and I have never been to this place before. But the website looks lovely. And it is very close to work.
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Ugh, My head aches.

the paper’s heart been torn

Here is something I’d never thought I’d say: I can’t wait for the new yogalates class to start . The only thing good I have to say about yesterday’s yoga class is that it went by quickly. I was in the FRONT. Need I say anymore??? It sucked. Also, I thought I wanted to focus on breathing. Um, NOPE. In the beginning the breathing exercises were making me nauseous. I don’t want to do yoga with a focus on breathing. I think I want more of a workout. Hence, why I think yoga and pilates is a good idea. (It is mostly yoga, btw).

I have one more class left at the yoga studio. I’m going to take the more physically demanding class for my last (?) class next Thursday. The class would have been much more embarrassing if I didn’t understand that the people in the class were focused on themselves. HOWEVER, when I was in class sometimes I would look at the person in front of me to get the pose right. I was so horrible that no one could do that. UGH, it was soooooooooo bad. I’m not exaggerating.

I only got the breathing right 50% of the time. It’s not like I planned to be there 5-7 minutes before class started and therefore had to place my mat near the front*. I had a problem finding parking. Next week I will try (TRY?) to be in the studio 20 minutes before class time. 30 seems a little extreme and control freakish. lol. Plus, 20 minutes just seems more manageable. πŸ™‚ I hope I can find a parking space.

*Well, I could have probably sat a little further back but it would have been beside someone. GASP! And I still would have been in the front but maybe I could have glanced at my neighbor. ugh. Wow, what an experience. My anxiety was high, high, high. I’m surprised I could breathe at all but that was the only thing I was doing semi-right so ugh.

Yogalates should be more my speed. A workout and a little focus on breathing. Classes start in August or September at another gym. I would see people doing pilates and think, “nah, not for me” but hopefully combined with yoga, it will be awesome! The main drawback of yogalates seems to be less emphasis on meditation.

Yogalates can also be beneficial as a yoga fusion class for those who have been dissatisfied with yoga because they haven’t gained much in terms of core strength. The yoga and Pilates combination allows these people to retain the benefits of their yoga class and add core strengthening moves that will slim their bodies. The benefits of Yogalates also can be seen for those unhappy with the Pilates emphasis on core work alone and nothing else. These people will enjoy the yoga fusion of yoga and pilates because they can work on other parts of their body as well as the core.

source: link above

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WORK.

This week is moving slow. I thought today was Thursday. Sometimes I think people say things about me (or anyone) that they couldn’t possibly believe. I don’t know if it is a form of denial or straight conscious deceit. To clear things up….

I get ANGRY when I hear people negatively gossiping about people. To most that seems irrational. Whatever. It isn’t an issue of people just TALKING. It is talking about people when they aren’t there to defend themselves. (And in my case, I’m there but no one cares. hah.) It might stem from having very, very low social needs and ‘not getting it’. It may stem from hearing my mom nonstop talk about people all my life. She wouldn’t talk about current events, history just other people. Some of it definitely comes from growing up. OMG. Junior high. high school. Hello? Do I have to explain that?

When someone is talking to me about someone, I deflect. If the person insists, then I always end up taking up for the person I don’t even know! I just don’t think it is right. Call me self-righteous. Call me anything. I don’t care. No one is going to convince me that this is okay….especially seeing the effects in schools and work places. Two people gossiping about a celebrity in private, okay that is a gray area. I think gossiping about a celeb on the internet is just as bad as what people do to their “friends”.

Celeb example: First, a lot of them read what people write on the net so I try to take that into consideration. Nicole Ritchie is a great example. She had a reality show with the thin Paris Hilton, people called her FAT everywhere. Then she loses about 20-25 pounds and they say, “Why won’t see eat something? can’t she see that she is too thin?” SCREAM

These were the same people calling her fat!!!!!!! Why don’t they get it? Okay, I’ll calm down. I guess the hypocrisy is another pet peeve. Don’t get me started on parents who gossip in front of their kids. I wonder why people think it is a harmless act.

Okay I went on a tangent. I didn’t intend to go there. I just hate gossip. I’m working on not getting bothered by it (even though I feel it is wrong because it can hurt others). I’m trying not to judge the people who do it. It works on some days. When I’m in a bad mood, not judging them is a bit more challenging.

Oh well I have to go. I just want to explain (in case anyone cares) WHY it bothers me so much. I don’t care if you aren’t talking about ME. Not the issue…….

Namaste

Thoughts on 1st yoga class:

interesting, commitment, could be a good work out, nice vibe, unsure, loved the 3 other asocial peeps in class

That’s all I got. I had to blog after my first class! πŸ˜‰

I’m definitely going again to a different class (not because this one sucked). I have two classes left. Oh, I love how there were no mirrors in the studio!! How do people concentrate with mirrors all around?

So basically I don’t know anything. It was definitely an experience.