Always walking in my shadows

I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.

Well, starting March 1, I will no longer be doing astrology/tarot as a business. I only made about $300 in revenue in 2019. I worked hard for that, and it’s not worth it.

I am now a virtual assistant. I have TWO clients. That’s a lot of work…well, it is a lot of work for someone with a full-time job. One client is giving me in-depth coaching in return for me basically selling her services. I need the coaching, so fair trade.

The other I’m designing Instagram graphics for. I love it, but I don’t know if it’s a fair trade. I get a Facebook review on my business page from her once the work is done. That’s a big deal. But originally I told her I could do one hour a week and now I’m doing more. THIS IS MY FAULT!

Anyway, either of these could turn into paid assignments. So I feel the extra pressure to do an excellent job PLUS always be working. Sigh. I could really use a day off from my day job. I have Feb 20 and 21 off. That’s too far away. LOL.

I will have more to say about these assignments later. I’ve been doing stuff all day. It’s 10PM and my brain is fried.

I still can’t believe Kobe is dead. I read those words a lot. But to hear people SAY it…it’s not real to me. I’ve always been critical of Kobe. He raped a woman. I used to say, “I’m a Laker fan, not a Kobe fan”. But that’s crap. He was with the Lakers for 20 YEARS. It’s impossible to like the Lakers and not see Kobe. Kobe = Laker.

I admired his work ethic more than anything. He worked harder than 90% of the NBA players out there. I didn’t know him much as a dad/family man like those that knew him. I know him as a basketball player. Sigh. God.

Iowa votes on Monday. Sorry for the weird transition. I think/hope Sanders will win. Of course, I would prefer Warren winning, but that’s probably not happening. Speaking of voting, I have Super Tuesday off! 🙂 Anyway, Iowa should be fun. I guess.

Bloomberg sucks. Why are people falling for that crap? He’s worse than Biden.

This week I…

Music of the week: Taylor Swift, Halsey, Ariana Grande, Christina Aguilera, Rachel Platten, Rachel Kerr, Simran & GuruPrem, Amos Lee

TV of the week:  Disappeared, Vanderpump Rules

I’m addicted to Disappeared (true crime). I miss having Netflix. I probably will get it back in April.

Podcasts of the week:  So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Dateline, True Crime Garage, Being Boss, Pod Save America, The Jim Fortin Podcast, The Lowe Post, Why is This Happening?

I’m listening to a bunch of business podcasts for a client. OMG, I forgot how much Being Boss sucks. It’s so vanilla.

Books of the week:

Who the fuck has time to read?

Weekend Plans: Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, and grocery shopping.

Thanks for reading! Have a great week. 🙂 I got to take a break to do this post and guess what? I feel guilty.

No title

I have an intern. Okay, she’s only doing one 1,200 blog post for me, but that’s one less thing I have to worry about it. She says she willing to do one more post, but of course, she wants to get paid, and I will only say yes if I can afford to pay her a fair wage. If she lives in the US, I doubt I even consider it.

1,200 words are essential to get a high ranking on Google. I blog a lot, but my posts are about 300 words because I don’t have time. It takes time to research etc. I can easily do long posts here because I’m just talking about my exciting life. 😉

OMG! My intern just messaged me. She wants to go over 1,200 words!! Why can’t I be her? Yes, please go over. Do 2,000 words. Rock it!

I did an astrology related guest post. It is my first guest post. It went up today.  She is a new business coach, so I’m not getting a ton of hits from her…yet.

Tomorrow my new class is being released. I’m surprised I’m not more nervous. I think, no, I KNOW I will be more nervous if/when a purchase comes in.

I don’t have to work tomorrow. That’s a new policy. I think it’s only been a few years since we’ve had MLK day off. However, I will be working for FREE just like I worked on Saturday for FREE for 3 hours. Sigh. Work has been full of pressure and just a headache.

That’s why I enrolled in a virtual assistant internship program. It provides a lot of practice and internships. That’s an affiliate link. Enrollment closes in about 3 weeks. I’m currently working on my portfolio. I have my FB setup and my free website. They have mentors go over ALL homework for the portfolio. I think it’s the best program on the market.

If anyone is interested in working for themselves from home and you don’t want to pay, here is a link to the free class. This class made me sure that I wanted to sign up for the program. Well, really it was the bonuses, plus getting to know her. She’s awesome and the real deal.

I no longer have to pay my landlord, so that’s how I was able to enroll in the VA program. My money will still be tight, but barring an emergency everything should be fine. I only have two more payments for the program. Most programs cost $1,000+, so I jumped on this deal. I need to quit my day job before I pull all my hair out.

I had an interview for a virtual assistant position on Wednesday. It didn’t go well. LOL. She saw my website. She helps entrepreneurs who want to make money while working a full-time job. So she just wanted to take me on as a fucking client. It was a disaster. I’m talking about working for her and she’s not interested. It was so confusing. Ugh.

So I’m thinking about just working as an intern so I can get more experience. I have a little experience. I’ve run my own biz for about 2 years. I’ve created an online course. I have a decent website. etc.

Right now is not a good time because I’m working for FREE at my day job. Sigh. I’m so tired. Overworked. Burned out. I need more interns. 🙂

I have to get back to work on my homework for the VA program. I have a 1,000-word blog post to do. I have 500 words. I’m such a slow writer.  If someone were paying me, I’m sure I would write faster.

This week I…

Music of the week: Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, H.E.R, Maggie Rogers, Rachel Platten, Victory, Aretha Franklin

TV of the week:  Disappeared, DNC Debate

This debate was boring. No one stood out. Blah.

Podcasts of the week:  The Water Trio, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Dateline, True Crime Garage, Rituals for Liberation, The Rachel Maddow Show

Dateline deciding to do a podcast was the best decision ever.

Books of the week:

Weekend Plans: The weekend is almost over. I’ve been working my ass off. I’m going to continue working. Rest is a privilege, I guess. I do still take daily naps. So I do break. I go to bed most nights listening to the Dateline podcast. No one would probably recommend that. haha.

Thanks for reading! Gotta go. Have a nice weekend. 🙂

 

I hate Bank of America

I’ve been so freaking busy. I’m burned out. Sigh. And Bank of America is evil.

Other than that, things are going great. :/ I’m thinking about leaving my full-time job and working on my biz PLUS being a virtual assistant. I’m better behind the scenes. I want to work for other people’s business. I want to help them build it.

I don’t think I mentioned this here, but a month ago, I started volunteering at an animal shelter in New York. Yes, I work virtually. I answer customer inquiries on Instagram. It’s very easy. You know what the hardest thing is? Seeing all those dogs, I can’t adopt. 😦 I could never do this with a local animal shelter. Not that I can afford another dog. But it’s still tempting.

ANYWAY, if I had $3,000 in my emergency savings, I would quit my full-time job. I know 3K isn’t a lot. I think I have about $40 – $50 in my ER savings. Not sure. I don’t like to keep checking. So…not quitting now. January is always the most stressful time at my job. I’ve been working extra hours for free. However, I’m not working AT ALL this weekend. YAY!

I need to work on my biz. I’m launching a mini class on January 20th. Despite being tired as shit and having no energy. I would be thrilled if I made $100 from this launch, but I have no expectations.

I’m jumping all over the place. Ha. Okay. I want to quit my job and work for myself. The end.

Oh, and Bank of America truly sucks. I will go into more detail if they report me to collections. I was scammed! I filed a police report. I completed an affidavit. They don’t care. They want $900 by January 28. Guess what? I don’t have it. I’m 90% sure they will report me. I won’t be able to open a checking account elsewhere for FIVE YEARS. So that’s why I opened a new checking account this week.

That’s basically it. I won’t have more to say about that bank until after January 28th.

Doesn’t 2020 suck so far? My god. WTF? Hit the reset button.

This week I…

Music of the week: H.E.R, Alessia Cara, Ed Sheeran, Lake Street Drive, Ariana Grande, James Arthur, Lissie, Marren Morris

TV of the week:  This Is Us, RHoC

Podcasts of the week:  The Water Trio, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Dateline, True Crime Garage

Books of the week:

I finished Take Control of Your Life: How to Silence Fear and Win the Mental Game by Mel Robbins. A+ Five Stars. Whatevs.

Now reading –

Weekend Plans: I’m going grocery shopping tomorrow. My dad gave me money last time, so I got to buy turkey burgers and other things I haven’t been able to buy. I still have to do my grocery list. It’s going to be so warm this weekend. Yay! I’m not really taken advantage of it. Should I take my dog to the park on Sunday? Sigh. It depends on how far I get on stuff. My dog was so bad at the grooming place! I took him to a “bathing station” last weekend. It was $10. He was so scared. 😦 He was growling at the water and trying to eat it. I felt bad. But at least he got a bath!

I’ll try to blog weekly. Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend. 🙂

 

I walk alone

Um, shit has happened since I’ve done a real post.  I’m sure this is all standard stuff that happens to everyone. I was scammed out of $1,002, BUT I only had $100 in my checking account, so the bank wants the other $905! Needless to say, I don’t have it. I will call tomorrow to make sure they don’t really want the $4,500, which is really the total amount I was scammed out of.

However, only the $1000 check was cashed, so I doubt I have to pay the other $3,500, but I’m getting mixed messages. I can pay the bank back anywhere from $75 to $150 a month. Sigh. And these aren’t the only issues I’m having about money. I have to call TWO banks tomorrow.

Screenshot_20191228-140125

I would be foolish not to ask for money if anyone has the resources and is feeling generous. So here’s my Paypal link if you want to donate. Thank you!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🙂

Work sucks because I didn’t meet my quota for December. Major bummer.  I’m off until Thursday. Right now, I’m more worried about money. So I spend 70% of my time worrying about money on my vacation. And the other 30% stressing about work.

I was invited to apply for a part-time job. Since it was an invite, I think there is a chance of an interview. I asked for $25 an hour. Should have asked for their minium, which was $20 per hour. Whatever. I hope I find something in January, so I can pay the bank back and other bills. :/

What I’m leaving behind in 2019 are payment plans. If I can’t afford the whole price, I’m not buying. That’s the most important thing I learned this year. Plus, they tack on a fee for people without resources. It’s funny people with money get a discount! What kind of sense does that make? Only in capitalism would people just accept this bullshit.

Well, that’s fine. I won’t be doing payment plans for anything except a house and a car.

2020 goals? I haven’t written them down yet, so this is my first take on them.

  • Make $12,000 in sales with my business
  • Take a Kundalini yoga class
  • Go on a vacay for my birthday
  • Make the goal at work
  • Have an organized space
  • Have a decent ER fund (probably $1,000)
  • Therapy at least 2x a month

These are the first things that come to mind. I have to break most of the goals into little tasks. Tomorrow I’m putting my headphones on and cleaning my space for an hour. I have astrology books everywhere. I don’t go to them as much as I used to, so they’re getting of my eyesight. I’ve never been this excited about organizing before. I already have a trash bag full. When I clean, I throw everything away. I’m not sentimental.

My birthday is in May. In May, I might have extra money BUT all the places I want to visit usually are booked by February. I’m not spending money in February unless I get a PT job soon. If I could book in April, I think a vacation might be possible. I’m looking in the $400 – $600 range for the whole vacation. Three nights. And my dog has to be able to go. I was planning four nights until all this crap happened.

I have therapy on Tuesday. FINALLY. I had to cancel all my other appointments. I had an appointment on Friday, but when I saw she had an opening on Tuesday, I grabbed that. I need help ASAP! I’m drowning.

This week I…

Music of the week: Ariana Grande, Robyn, Taylor Swift, Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey, Rachel Platten, Beyonce, Kari Jobe

TV of the week:  This is Us

Podcasts of the week:  The Water Trio, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Dateline, True Crime Garage, Generation Why, Online Marketing Made Easy

Books of the week: I need to read new books! Anyway, currently reading:

Weekend Plans: I’m excited for the park with my dog. We’re supposed to be going tomorrow, but it might rain. So then we’ll go Tuesday. I’m also excited to finally clean and organize my space tomorrow. Other than that, I’m glad I don’t have to go to work until Thursday. Mostly I’m just working on stuff, so I can have $12,000 in sales by the end of 2020.

I’m going to work on an email for a collaboration I have coming up in January. I was going to take tonight off, and then I wondered what I would do? ROFL. So I blogged here, and now back to work

I have a PT job!

…I think. Why are things so confusing. No, I signed the contract, so I have the job. The pay is what I want for a PT job. It wouldn’t do for a full-time job. For training, I only get paid $6 an hour! I don’t know how long the training will last. I will ask the manager tomorrow.

It’s a work from home job. Yay! I think tomorrow we have to order the equipment and software.

I can work whenever I want BUT training is supposed to take place at 8AM. I’m at my FT time job at that time.

Whatever.

Does it ever?

So much has happened since I last posted. I don’t know where to begin. I’ll start with work. Sigh. I had a meeting with my manager on Tuesday. I’ve been there for almost 14 years. I’ve never had a problem until we got on the new system about a year ago. Anyway, the ‘big boss’ (never met her) is okay with me being fired!!! WTF? Yeah, Tuesday sucked. My manager says she’s been sticking up for me. I appreciate that…I could already have lost my job. I need to be at 100. I’m currently at 81. They keep raising what 100 should be, so I think I’m doing okay, but in reality, I’m not.

I’ve been applying for jobs. I joined Teachable and entered the 90-day course creator challenge. I am going to finish my course by August 31. Will it be for sale by then? Probably not. Because I need at least 5 people to take the course for free for feedback and testimonials. I want it for sale by September/October. I have set the price at $147. I want to go lower, but that’s the lowest price for an astrology course I’ve ever seen. Most courses at what I’m giving would cost at least $397. The point is that I’m counting on this course for income. I’ve been going live on Instagram, Facebook, etc. I need a better, more consistent plan, but that’s another story.

One job I applied for already rejected me. I don’t need a rejection letter for just sending in a resume, but thanks for the vote of confidence. 😉 I only expect to hear back if I have an interview. If my manager writes me up on June1 (which is better than being fired), I probably won’t be able to do overtime, so I will have more time for interviews and working on my course.

So that’s work. Now onto transcendental meditation. We have a total of 5 meetings. I had my first meeting last weekend. FUCK. It was a disaster. Small room and we were facing each other. I was staring at the table for 90 minutes. How freaking embarrassing! Ugh. Why were we facing each other?? I hate that.

I have 4 more meetings, and then I’m done for life unless I want to get a tune-up. Most people see results within 2 days, so I’m really hopeful and excited for the real meetings which start on June 1. It’s four days in a row. The good thing is that the first meeting is one on one. The other 3 sessions are in that damn room with that damn table. Don’t get me started on parking. LOL. I got lost and ended up walking to Whole Foods (and buying stuff) because I was walking the wrong way.

The meditation is for 40 minutes a day. Twenty minutes in the morning and twenty in the afternoon (not right before bed – the afternoon/evening). And you have to do it everyday…for life or it will stop working.

Food and diet – I ate like crap during my birthday week. I was too scared to try on my high rise skinny jeans. However, I noticed that my old jeans were falling down. I’m thinking, “I know I gain weight. Why are my pants falling down?” Well, I finally got brave and weighed myself. I gain .4 pounds! ROFL. I was 136 something before my birthday. And now I’m 136.8 pounds. Woohoo! No major weight gain. I consider myself really lucky.

I’m still on Nutrisystem even though I was going to cancel. I should cancel due to cost. I did lower the price by only being on Nutrisystem Monday through Friday. I’m currently doing Hello Fresh (affl. link – get a deal by clicking on the link). I have cooked two meals so far. I cooked rice for the first time!! LOL. I don’t even like white rice. I was going to give it to my mom, but I tried it with soy sauce, and it was so good. Why didn’t anyone tell me about soy sauce on rice? I know everyone knows about this but me. Anyway, the tilapia was so good even though I couldn’t wait for it to defrost thoroughly, so it broke up. Rice and tilapia will be a new go-to meal for me. But only with soy sauce. 🙂

Election 2020. Hmmm, not much to say. Marianne Williamson made it to 1% in 3 polls, so she technically is in the June debate, but unless 3-4 people drop out, she may still not make the debate. FWIW, I think Yang is going to make it. He is doing better than Marianne in the polls. Kamala is doing well, and so is Elizabeth Warren. Go, ladies! (Even though I won’t vote for Kamala in the primary). And I hope saying, “go ladies” is not sexist. Oh, one more thing: I don’t see anything wrong with doing the Fox townhalls. I haven’t watched them, but whatever. Either way is fine. Someone in the media called Kamala and Elizabeth ‘silly’ for not doing Fox. I don’t agree. Oh, and Buttigieg is too conservative for me. Is anyone in the midwest really liberal? I don’t hate him, but he isn’t in my top 3. Do I have a top 3? Hmmm, I guess it’s Williamson, Warren and maybe Stacey Abrams if she ran. I guess I have a top 2.

This week I…

Music of the week: Carly Rae Jepsen, Rachael Sage, Rachel Platten, Jussie Smollett, Pia Toscano, Rachel Kerr, Shawn Mendes, Britney Spears

TV of the week:  Survivor, RHOBH

Podcasts of the week:  True Crime Garage, Online Marketing Made Easy, So You Wanna Be a Witch

Books of the week: Now reading – 

I finished reading When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy by Geneen Roth which is a quick read and surprisingly good. I never thought of myself as a person with intimacy issues. 😉

Weekend Plans: Long weekend my ass. HAHA. I’m gratefully working on Saturday and Monday. I’m only working half a day though both days. I’m working on my astrology course, which is confusing because I’m taking THREE astrology courses, and I’m creating one. I’m doing all the things astrology this weekend. Doing lots of business stuff because I want my class to sell. I’m not expecting huge numbers. I would DIE with 20 sales. I would love 5. So those are my dream numbers.

Not much is going on. I need to do some spring cleaning. Just trying to live life…and figure out what to post on Instagram. This selling shit is so not me and can get confusing, but whatevs. Oh, I’m also getting back into knitting. Expect some pics of scarves and then hopefully hats soon. I used to knit about 4 years ago, and now I remember next to nothing. I’ve been watching Craftsy classes. I have to start all over. Apparently, knitting is not like driving a car. I can’t say riding a bike because I never learned how to ride a bike and I still don’t know how.

I will spend time honoring our fallen soldiers. They made the ultimate sacrifice.

Have a great weekend! Thanks for reading. 🙂

Happy Taurus season!

Well, I will be busy throughout July…maybe. We were just asked for overtime throughout July. That’s rare. I feel bad for only doing 7 extra hours a week, but that’s all I can do and still sorta have my sanity. I can’t work 55 hours a week. Would I like the money? YES. But is my mental health worth it? Nah.

I say maybe because they could easily change their mind about OT or something else could change. Who knows? But I signed up for 7 hours every week until the end of July. Well, I’m off for one week in May, and I have 3 days off in the middle of July, but other than that, I’m pretty much working EVERY Saturday.

Health insurance and counseling have not been figured out. What a shock. Not. Ugh, I hate paying the full rate. I have therapy on Friday at 6PM. I really, really, really hope I’m not charged the full price. I won’t know until 15 minutes before the session. Great. Sigh. She only works on Fridays, so it’s easy to just see her twice a month. I’m sure she’ll try to get me to see her weekly and I might consider that IF my insurance gets straight. However, after a few months, I usually don’t see the benefit of going to therapy every single week. My life often isn’t that intense. It kind of is NOW.

I’m behind on my therapy homework. She gave me so much to read. Gotta put that on my to do list.

Today was a waste of a day. I didn’t get anything done besides working OT. I was supposed to mow the lawn, but the fully assembled lawn mower has an issue with the handle. Sigh. So I wasn’t able to mow the lawn. Maybe tomorrow.

I’ve lost 20 pounds and can fit into all my old clothes. Okay, the midrise skinny jeans are still very tight, but I wore them today. Thanks to Nutrisystem. 🙂 Today wasn’t a good day. I drank vanilla iced coffee (300 calories!) and had potato chips. That is what happens when I go out unexpectantly and get hungry. I hate that. I need to carry healthy or low-calorie snacks with me. I can’t leave the snacks in my purse because my dog would destroy my bag to get to the food and I can’t leave snacks in my car because it is too damn hot. I’m sure there is a solution somewhere. I’ll think about it.

I guess I have to get off Nutrisystem soon. If it were cheaper, I would not be thinking about getting off because it has the stability I NEED. Not want. NEED.

Election 2020 – Joe Biden is running for president. 😦 That will make the moderates and people who don’t follow politics carefully very happy. My mom falls into both categories, so she’s happy. I, on the other hand, follow politics too carefully and I’m liberal so no Joe for me. I probably will watch his announcement on Wednesday and his rally whenever he has it. I don’t hate him. I just don’t want him to be president.

Marianne Williamson did great on the CNN town hall. It was painful to be forced to watch CNN, and I won’t do it again (until they have a debate). Anyway, her saying abortion is a moral issue…I get it, but ugh, the way it came across will rub progressives the wrong way. She is pro-choice of course, but she just pointed out that abortion is a moral issue. I agree with her, but I don’t want to judge people who get abortions. It would be easy for me to judge because I don’t have sex! I have no idea what it’s like to even THINK about getting an abortion. So I’m not going there with abortion. I’m pro-choice. And that’s that.

Btw, Marianne is more moderate/conserative than me. But I still support her to be president. We definitely do not have the same values when it comes to some things.

About the debate in June…MSNBC will divide the debate into 2 nights. LOL. They have no choice! There are so many candidates. I like this better than the first idea they had which was one hour to ten candidates and the second hour to the second group. I wonder how ratings will be for the second group? I think they should do random draw, otherwise it won’t be fair.

This week I…

Music of the week: Beyonce, Marren Morris, Rachael Sage, Ariana Grande, Rachel Platten, Maggie Rogers, India.Arie, First Aid Kit

Liking the Beyonce live album. I’m not the biggest Beyonce fan, but I can appreciate decent work. Beyonce is good (NOT GREAT), it’s her fans that drive me insane. She’s not the queen of anything, but she sang live at Coachella last year! Props to her. I know she can sing live. She just chooses to lip-synch sometimes. I’m just surprised she actually sang at Coachella! Interesting…

TV of the week:  NBA Playoffs, Real Housewives of NYC

Movie of the week: Street Fight I hate this damn new linking shit with wordpress. Fuck this shit!

Anyway, Street Fight is an Oscar-nominated Cory Booker documentary. OMG. If he can survive Newark politics, watch out! He might not win in 2020. But this man can be president one day…when there are fewer candidates. I like him, but I don’t love that he gets money from corporations and maybe Republicans. He’s a great person and would be a decent president. I’m just not sure of where he gets his money. I don’t know. I’m not 100% anti-corporations like most progressives. I do want companies to pay taxes, though. Amazon. About the Republican money (THIS IS NOT PROVEN, BTW), I would take money from anyone except the NRA. If a Republican wants to help me…hello? Here I am. At this point, I think I could vote for Booker in the primary. Would I be thrill about it? Probably not. Would I vote for him over Biden? Hell, yes.

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Pod Save America, The Jim Fortin Podcast, In the Dark, Tarot for the Wild Soul

Books of the week: Now reading – 

Weekend Plans: Well, today is Saturday. Like I said, I didn’t get much done other than work. Tomorrow I would like to finish my book review (so late, but I don’t care) go grocery shopping, and I’m going to mow the lawn.

Thanks for reading. Have a great rest of the weekend and the rest of the week. 🙂