will I ever cross your mind?

I didn’t know ultrasounds were so expensive or that they took so long. I thought it was more like:

“You’re having a boy!”


But it is much more complex than that. Especially when you have an intern working on you (OMG). She took forever. I thought she was going to do the real ultrasound. That is the only reason why I agreed to have a student do it. But she was just practicing!!! Hello? I have to get back to work. Do these people not understand the value of time?? The proper way to ask is: “Do you have enough time for a student to do the ultrasound then I will do it for real?” I would have said NO because I have to work.


I’m glad I didn’t know it was more complex than “You’re having a boy!”. I would have been nervous about it. I haven’t had the abdominal pain in about 3-4 weeks but of course on the day of my ultrasound it was back full force. And they kept scanning that area of my stomach. Ow.

It feels slightly wrong to complain about a $50 copay. But DAYUM…for an ultrasound?? I know radiology things cost a lot but I was shocked that I had to pay that much for it. Apparently it is a “tier 3” x-ray. I didn’t know that. What if nothing comes out of getting the ultrasound? I guess that crosses things out…If I didn’t have health insurance I would just keep living with the nausea (like I have for 5+ years) and the occasional pain.

Now I’m just waiting for the results.

Like I tweeted, I have a suitor! 😉 It is so frustrating! Heterosexual men that is. Maybe it is impossible to just be friends with them since I’m not interested in sex. I find that sad. I’ll back up. The guy who helped me move wanted my phone number. Of course he didn’t get it. Get why he wanted my number: because I don’t do drugs or drink. SCREAM That is the frustrating part.


I’m so not. Just because I’m shy, that doesn’t mean I’m nice or I will settle or I’ll do whatever you want. I WILL NOT OBEY YOU! lol. If these people knew the real me, they would not want to be within 10 feet of me. 🙂

I really think he got turned on because I was holding my guitar. I haven’t touched that guitar in 5 years. But as moving, I ran across it and had to strum it. He saw me. Maybe he thought I was different or whatever. I don’t know. (I will start back with the guitar once summer school is over).

The guy is cute. I thought that when I first saw him. However, he has a criminal record. He went to jail once. At first I was quick to judge and thought of him as “scum” (how enlightened) in a split second. But I know how the justice system works. It isn’t fair. Whoever has the most $$ wins. People make false accusations. etc. So a criminal record doesn’t make a person bad in my eyes. But he was convicted for something pretty bad – not murder, of course. But it wasn’t a petty crime. So if I were interested in dating him, he would have a lot of explaining to do. Some crimes I just can’t “get over”. I hope he isn’t guilty for everyone involved sake.

So I’m currently waiting for  my ultrasound results and a cute guy with a criminal record is interested in me. Oh and school is over soon! YAY. I still have to take the final though.

now I’m not sure enough to be so certain

BREAKING NEWS: I think I might be open to “dating” an asexual as long as he or she (95% sure it would be a she) never wants to live together. I have never dated. Well, I’ve been on one date with a heterosexual guy about 10 years ago. LOL. It was bad. He wanted sex and a wife**** (!!!) and well, I’m not into that so…I think I like girls more. Yeah girls rock. I need to do a sexy girl post. Show off my shallow side. Just pictures of sexy women. Not that men aren’t hot. I drool over men just as much as a straight girl. NOT men that I know. Never. Or women I know for that matter.

Oops, yes I used the word “sexy” but I’m not thinking of sex. You don’t want to know what I think of sex. TMI

***I’m not wife material. I don’t clean or cook for myself. So of course I not doing it for someone else. Hilarious. I’m soooo not that. But this guy wanted that. ROFL. Me?? A wife??! UGH! I wanted to runaway as soon as I heard him say that. Dude, seriously? Plus I probably won’t do well with the whole meet the parents thing. I don’t do that stuff either. (I did try to runaway at various opportunities but couldn’t until the end…when he started talking about SEX. I’m so glad I got away. I could have had horrible sex with some guy but I didn’t. That was one thing in my life I did right. Actually I felt like I had an angel looking over me. I know if he had not left me alone for that few minutes, I would have ended up in the bed with him).

Not that I could ever be in a traditional relationship. I don’t want that at all. (see above: wife material) I don’t want anything right now. I can’t handle people right now. But I could be open to possibility of a  nontraditional “relationship” with another asexual or anything other than heterosexual. (No offense).

I think I’m going to a LGBT event in September. I have every intention on going. I want to go…I wish the lineup were better but I feel like this may be the only way to be with um, like-minded people. (???) I can’t find weird people anywhere! (except on the internet which I’m not counting). Where are they hiding? Oh god, does that sound like an insult? It is not supposed to be. I’m not a people person, never will be. But what happens if I leave my house and there are cool people around? What happens?

Will I still feel rejected and like myself? Or could it be an awakening? Damn, that Rachael Sage concert for making me believe this was possible. 😉 I’m feeling kind of out of my element right now. Asexuality/sexuality is not a big part of my life and I probably won’t blog about it anymore unless something happens.

I have my monthly therapy appointment this Friday. She knows I’m currently overwhelmed with school so she isn’t making me do much. Thanks somebody for getting it. I’ll be so glad when summer school is over. Guess what? I’m NOT going back in the Fall. YAY! 🙂 Even though I only have one (very expensive) class left to take. I get to read books for fun. That is what I really miss when I’m in school.

Of course there are other reasons why I’m not going back in the fall. $$$ being one. And work is working me. I have to work off the clock to keep up. Like I said in my last entry, I can’t take a day off for the next three months because I’m in training. This is a ton of work. It is like being in school. I’m learning a whole new system. So once school is over (in a few weeks – thank Buddha), I will be concentrating on work. Even the people who have been there years longer than I have don’t get the new system so I’m not optimistic about all this. It is really a mess.

Enough about work. Back to therapy. My therapist is always wondering how I’m supposed to meet people. If I mention the LGBT thing, she’ll be proud. We might end up talking about my nonexistent (?) ulcer or my living situation. It’s only 1 hour a month so the everything doesn’t always get covered.

I haven’t heard back from the doctor’s office. I’m feeling okay so I’m not rushing to schedule the ultra sound. I’m swamped with work and school. No time for doctor.

I mailed my short sale application on June 25. They didn’t get. !!! WTF. Do you know how much work and stress I put into that? I ignored my school work. They didn’t get it? I put $2.00 worth of postage on there. That was $1.00 too much. AHHHHH! I’m trying not to freak out about this. (good job)