It’s not worth looking for

WordPress tricked me, so I will have this domain for another year. I will not renew next year. I already canceled.

I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital this week. I’m glad I didn’t. I have a $400 copay for the ER, so I’m going to try to avoid that at all costs. Besides, what would they do? Give me enough nutrients and send me on my way. FOR $400. 

And then I would have to go back every time I get stressed and can’t eat. I’m not paying all that money. I couldn’t eat or drink on Wednesday. Then on Thursday, I could eat dinner. I lost 2 pounds*. I’m down to 113 pounds. However, that’s not the point. The point is that my body isn’t enough nutrients. I’m also eating too much sugar, which I think maybe causing me diabetes. My dad has diabetes. 

*I lost one pound from going to the sauna. But I’m not going to stop going since I paid in advance. If I’m already weak that day, I’ll cancel. But otherwise, it relaxes me SO MUCH. It is totally worth it. I felt so stress-free when I went on March 21. I almost felt happy for the first time in nearly a year. 

I think stress made me sick this week. On Monday, I was arguing on the phone with the radiology company. They claimed I didn’t pay the $60 bill. I did. I can prove it from my bank account!! But they don’t care. I’m letting this go and letting another company take care of it…for now. I hope they don’t send the bill to collections. My credit score can’t take stupid hits. 


And then on Tuesday, a new psychiatrist wouldn’t give me a different medicine that I NEED so I can take medicine for gastroparesis. I’m dying here. Please just give me the medicine. Whatever. I will just go without an anti-depressant if I have to. I see my local psychiatrist on April 5. This will be my last attempt at working with these assholes. 

All this and the medicine might not work. ARGH! But at least let me try the medicine. 

In conclusion, all the above stress plus the regular stress from working and my living situation just shut my body down. I couldn’t eat, sleep or drink. I could barely walk my dog on Thursday. I had to walk really slowly.

 I didn’t want to blog about all this because it is bringing back the stress again. And I have to pay the IRS $513. Remember, some of this is due to no fault of my own. Of course, I have to pay self-employment taxes. To pay my taxes, I have to borrow someone’s printer, go to the bank and get checks, buy stamps and then mail the taxes. I had to write out the steps so I wouldn’t get too overwhelmed. I’m taking off 2 hours to deal with the tax stuff. 

I don’t have time for this shit. I’m always working. I live in a heightened sense of stress all the time. That’s not healthy. Hell, that’s why I got sick this week! My body can’t take this anymore. 

I just hope I don’t have to take an Uber to the hospital. That’s the goal for now. Everything else doesn’t matter. Oh, and I hope I can go on my birthday trip in May. I can’t afford to take time off for the hospital. And I can’t afford the bill either. 

Current Events: Update on the Derek Chauvin jury selection: They now have enough women. I’m still slightly worried that mostly women or black people will be alternate jurors. That would not be good. I think there are 3 or 4 Black jurors. The Hispanic guy got kicked off because he couldn’t get the settlement off his mind. There are also multiracial people on the jury. Anyway, I was so worried because, in the beginning, it was all white males. The trial starts tomorrow. I will not be listening live because I have training at work at that time. I’ll probably start listening to the “replay” at noon.

This week I…

Music of the week: Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, Ariana Grande, Tori Kelly, Lennon Stella, Amy Grant, Arlissa, Ashanti

TV of the week:  Fatal Vows

Podcasts of the week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, Undisclosed, Crime Junkie, Tara Brach, So You Wanna Be a Witch

Books of the Week: I finished reading –

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen 4.5/5 Very informative. It made me think of things I never thought about. I’m asexual, btw. I don’t think about sex. Ever. So it was interesting reading how “normal” people experience sex being all around.

Weekend Plans: I’ve worked all weekend. I’m exhausted. I will try to rest today. Taking only one day off a week is not really helping me, but I’ll keep doing it. After I finish blogging, I’m going to try to print my taxes off on another printer. It’s supposed to rain, so my dog and I may not get a walk today.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week! 🙂

I walked off an old me

UPDATE: STOP THE MOTHERFUCKING PRESS! Marianne Willaimson is thinking about running for president! AHH. I met her and have a personalized autograph from her. No big deal. Fuck, yeah. I still like Beto.

First, I’m SO glad Amazon didn’t come here. They are going to be about an hour and a half away. Some people think the people in Northern VA are going to move down here*. I didn’t think of that. Oh well. The major drawback from them moving here is traffic. That is why I don’t visit them as often as I would – traffic!

*The ones without the fancy Amazon jobs.

Anyway, I’m glad Amazon isn’t here because it would drive up rent (and other things) and a lot of people here would HAVE TO move. They would be forced out. I would move to the rural part of the state. That is where I’m planning to live in about four years anyway. But other people don’t want to move, and I don’t think it’s right for a huge company to force them out.  Let Crystal City or National Landing deal with that shit. Some of them are elitist anyhow. LOL.

Um, yay for the people getting the excellent Amazon jobs. Not saying I’m not thinking about looking at their job openings. But my car is over ten years old, so I can’t get there quickly. I would have to move there. No, thank you.

In semi-good news, I lost 6 pounds!! It is an anxiety diet. Not a stress diet. I can eat when I’m just stressed, but not stressed AND nervous. I can’t eat a thing when I’m nervous. That’s pretty common, right? Since I’ve moved, I have not eaten a regular day of meals. I’m so anxious while living here…ugh. I would feel way worse about this if I couldn’t stand to lose 20 pounds. If I were 110 pounds, I would be worried.

And my dad is moving in for about 2-3 months, in less than 10 days. I kid you not. This can’t get any worse. If it gets worse, I’m going to request to go back to working in the office. I have to put my work first. I don’t care that I’m not eating. I care about my work!

My mom is no longer working for now, so she’s home ALL DAY. I work from home, so I’m home all day. She’s loud. Loud noises make me nervous. Hence, why I can’t eat. However, she will be working part-time soon. 20 hours a week. Unfortunately, she probably won’t start until mid-December. I have to get better at work ASAP.

I’m also using my mom’s treadmill every other day. So, not eating due to nervousness and doing a little working out = maybe weight loss? I’ll see

Anyway…I really think Marianne William is running for Prez! I keep checking my email. The announcement was supposed to happen today. Hmmm. I am so going on Instagram and posting a pic of her and me with a caption of saying me with the future president. 🙂

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Pistol Annies, Maggie Rogers, Ariana Grande, Robyn, Chris Stapleton, Britney Spears, Fifth Harmony, Cardi B

TV of the week:  Nashville, Making a Murderer

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week: All in With Chris Hayes, True Crime Garage, Pod Save America, Why is This Happening?, The Lowe Post

Pod Save America is my new favorite podcast.

Books of the week: Now reading –

Plans for the Weekend: Cleaning up the old house. And I plan on driving to the landfill to dump some of my stuff off so I won’t have to pay a ton to the junk removers. I can’t move the sofas to the landfill on my own. I’m also going grocery shopping which will be interesting since I’m not eating. Should I use this opportunity to not buy much food and save money? Since I haven’t eaten much this week, I have some food for next week.

I’m finally getting back to doing tarot readings. I have one to do this weekend, but I didn’t understand her question. Sigh. I hope she responds back because it is a career question and I LOVE doing career readings, but the way she worded it was strange. Sometimes I’m too shy to ask for clarification, but I want to do a good job so I had to question her.

Thanks so much for reading. Have an excellent weekend! 🙂




I wanna make some mistakes



7 days until my cabin Getaway

I’ve been a bad, bad, girl. I ordered food delivery this week. 😦 It’s not only wasting money. It is also unhealthy. Not that all the food I’m eating at home is healthy since I’m trying to lower my grocery budget.

I need to stop worrying about my weight. I’m just used to being the thin girl. Prior to starting Abilify, people would come up to me to tell me how thin I was! It was weird. I think people wanted me to say thank you (??), but I didn’t always say it. Because is it really a compliment to be unnaturally thin? Is that something everyone should aspire to? Thin didn’t make me happy. Most of the time when I was underweight, I was severely depressed, so I know being thin has nothing to do with happiness.

I do miss my old body though. Sigh. Since I’m on Abilify and birth control, I don’t think I’m getting it back anytime soon. I don’t worry about it as much as I am self-conscious.

As Senate prepares to take up marijuana legislation, public views have moved steadily in favor of legalization. But significantly more Republicans say marijuana use should be illegal (55%) than legal (43%).

That’s very interesting. I’m surprised 43% of them say it should be legal because I know most Republicans don’t give a damn about mass incarceration. Hmmm. For me, it is mostly a racial and prison issue. I don’t think people should be locked up for marijuana. Plus blacks and whites use it on the same level, yet more blacks are locked up. I don’t think I would ever try marijuana even if it were legal. Why? Because I’m too damn old! LOL. I don’t want to mess up my remaining brain cells. I’m also worried about other side effects.  I’m not judging people who use it. I don’t care at all. It doesn’t affect me…unless a person is high behind the wheel of a car. Just like alcohol!

I would consider using it for my anxiety, but I’ve had bad reactions to other legal herbal stuff. I became very depressed for a few hours after trying something over the counter that people swear works for anxiety.  So I’m also scared to use marijuana because of that. Alcohol depresses me sometimes. But the last time I had alcohol (on my birthday in Asheville, NC a couple of years ago), I didn’t get depressed at all. I was also in a jacuzzi. Moving on…

One thing that bothers me about the possible legalization of marijuana everywhere (in the States) is that I found out that doesn’t automatically mean that the people in prison now for marijuana charges will go free. That might sound obvious, but I just assumed that their record would be wiped. How naive is that? I study the “justice” system. I should know better, but when someone pointed out that those people will still be in jail…I was thinking WTF??

Speaking of politics. I am supposed to vote in a primary on Tuesday, but I think I’m bailing. I don’t care who wins. Yay, for apathy. I will vote in November. I usually do vote in the primaries.  I vote for everything.  Anyway, this year I do like one candidate better than the other. One candidate (a white male Democrat) calls the lack of prison reform racist. Yes, he used the R word. The local woman doesn’t do that. She seems hesitant to take a hard stance on issues. I’m giving her a break because what if she’s thinking she has to hold back because she’s a female? Ugh. This is why I’m not voting. See everybody in November.

I did an update on my free tarot reading offer because I realized I’m going to have to do love readings and all that if I go with job option B. I can’t just focus on careers if I’m going to work for someone else. So now I need to practice on real and fake people for relationship questions. I’ve been focusing on career questions when I have been practicing. When I do my offers in the facebook groups, I will just say, “ask anything”. However, when I open my website, as of right now, I just want to focus on career questions.

I just discovered the best thing ever! I get 1TB of storage space on the cloud since I subscribe to Microsoft 365. I pay 6.95 a month for it, but it can be cheaper if it is paid annually. I’m backing up my stuff as I type. I’m so glad I don’t have to pay for another service. I knew I had space, but 1TB??!! Hello? Yay. 🙂

This week I…

Musi of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Janelle Monae, Justin Timberlake, Camila Cabello, Rachel Sage, Kate Rusby, Kanye West, Kacey Musgraves, The Weeknd

TV of the week: NBA playoffs, 13 Reasons Why

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week: The Lowe Post, Septic, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Why is This Happening?

Books of the week: 

Now reading –

What the Truth Sounds Like: Robert. F Kennedy, James Baldwin, and Our Unfinished Conversation About Race in America by Michael Eric Dyson

Plans for the Weekend: I’m working overtime on Saturday. I was scared OT wasn’t going to be offered this month, but they finally asked. I don’t work OT every day even though I could starting this Saturday. That is my version of self-care. I would be so stressed. It’s not worth it even though I could use the extra money.

Not much going on this weekend. I need to pack everything I can. I still haven’t fully unpacked from Los Angeles!<

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend! 🙂

Making up the moves as I go

Great news…for now. Why can’t I believe in myself more? This is about the part-time job. I got the go-ahead to go and work as much as I want! Scary. I did enough auditing correctly so they feel I can work without feedback. Oh god.  I used to work a lot when I was doing something different than auditing others. But auditing is hard, and I’m so scared, so it takes me hours to do very few things. PLUS, I still have to maintain 95% accuracy. It may as well be 100%. What’s the difference? I can only get one thing wrong…maybe.

High expectations. I’m just going to take my time and ask questions. I need the money, so I’m going to work my ass off.

I really need to workout more. Or change my eating habits. Or both. I gained 9 pounds in exactly one year. 😦 I know this because I weighed myself on September 17 of last year. I’m not that obsessed about it. Obviously (or maybe I would do something about it). I don’t know how much Depo-Provera adds to the weight gain. I don’t think it has much effect.

Anyway, I’ve been walking about 1.5 miles at the park every single day for almost 3 weeks. According to my phone, I walk about 3 miles per hour which isn’t that fast, but not slow at all. Apparently, that has no effect. I haven’t lost weight. Hmmm. It could be the Depo. I probably need to get back on my treadmill regularly. And I’m going to start back up doing the 15-minute workout during my lunch break. I like it because it has cardio and weightlifting.

Speaking of Depo-Provera. No bleeding. I’m so ecstatic about it. Well, I’m hesitantly happy. Anything could change. If I never get my period again, would the Depo be worth it? YES!!! But only because I work from home. I can’t imagine bleeding for 3 months straight and working outside the home. That would’ve been a pain in the ass. For this reason, I wouldn’t recommend Depo to others. Only to people who don’t have to work outside the home because the side effects can be wild.

I also can’t imagine being in a sexual relationship while being on Depo. I’m so glad I didn’t have to worry about that. So just say NO to Depo unless you don’t have to work outside the house and are not in a sexual relationship. I can’t speak on the other side effects like hair loss and mood swings.

Speaking of sexual relationships or the lack thereof, I watched 45 minutes of the Emmys (the middle part), and I was half asleep, but I heard a winner go up and say something like LGBTA. Holla! He gave asexuals a shout out on primetime TV. I almost jumped out of bed. lol.  Of course, most people have no clue what the “A” stands for. Whatevs. He said it! Thank you. 🙂

Well, I should be working my ass off or studying for my course. That’s my life these days. And I’m mostly thankful.

shake me from stuff hallucinations

I get a few days off and I become a posting machine. I can’t remember the last time I’ve done this many entries back to back. Anyway, here is a newsflash: I AM NOT A MINIMALIST. Sigh.  I’m just trying to get back to where I was 5 years ago. I didn’t buy stuff just to buy stuff. I put my money in savings. Now I really, really, really need to put money in savings and I’m still spending too much.

Bleh. Perhaps looking at my dream house will help? Maybe I need to look at a pic of it every day. My dream house isn’t extravagant. It is attainable. I have good credit.  I just have to save for a downpayment of $25,000 or less. The house I was just looking at is on 6 acres (privacy!) and I would “only” need to put $18,000 down. 3 bedrooms and 2 full baths. 1,040 sqft. Yeah, it is a little big for me, but I care more about the acres than the number of bedrooms. That should be motivation enough. Maybe it is??? I need to think about this house or any house every single day.

Like I previously posted, I bought a new purse and clothes from Forever 21. That isn’t all. My dry cleaning was $60. I had no idea it would be that high. Those were my designer clothes I was dry cleaning just in case. WTF? That isn’t all. I bought a new planner:

my new planner
my new planner

Before you judge, I’ve been using my Plum Paper Planner for 8 whole months. lol. That is a long time in planner world. This one cost me $14 at Hobby Lobby with a 40% off coupon. So not too bad. But did I need it? NO. It is a planner from Me And My Big Ideas: The Happy Planner. I decided to buy it because I was kind of getting tired of using the PPP. It is an 18-month planner. If I like it, I plan to use it until at least June 2016.

I’m a Filofax/Kikki.K girl so this will take some getting used to. I swore off coiled or disc bound planners. There aren’t any folders in the planner. Where do I put my stuff? haha. (I know some can be purchased…). I did purchase extra note pages because a planner ain’t a planner without note pages. It will take a while to see if I like it.

Here is a walk through of the planner. I also have some of the accessories she has (the extra covers, note pages and stickers).

This is my confession. I suck at money. This is sort of a new struggle for me. I did put some money in savings but geez. I have to see that buying stuff is useless and won’t get me near my goals of travel and a house in the middle of nowhere. I know becoming a minimalist takes time for most people. I did declutter (not completely yet). I will give myself some credit. I don’t have a huge problem throwing stuff away and donating stuff.

New Rules

  • No more clothes/purses/shoes through May 2016.
  • No more planner related items through January 2016 (so, so, so hard).
  • Keep grocery bill under $115 every 3 weeks.
  • No credit card use.
  • Declutter until I’m done weekly. Fill donation bags and trash can every week.

I should probably add stop watching non-minimalists on YouTube. But I’m thinking I can watch YouTubers I’m subscribed to and not get caught up. I feel like I should be able to. And no, YouTubers aren’t to blame. Our society encourages people to buy. Being a minimalist is against everything we are taught in the Western world. MORE MORE MORE. You don’t want MORE? What is wrong with you? Are you settling? Uh, no. I just don’t desire the same things as everyone else. #DifferentDefintionsOfLiving

Besides most of  the people on YouTube make twice what I make or the younger ones have well-off parents.  They can afford to spend what they spend. I’m not in their boat.


I now weigh 123! I stopped Nutrisystem, have cheat days and I lose weight. Interesting. My next cheat days are going to be the two days of Thanksgiving. I have never sat for a Thanksgiving dinner. Ever. Thank Buddha. But sometimes my mom will cook and I take the food home. So I’m going all out for those two days. Cake, pizza, cornish hen, stuffing, bread etc. That’s the plan. TWO cheat days next month. YAY. 🙂 But until then I will be on my 1,200 – 1,500 calorie “diet”.

When I went to my health screening, the nurse told me if I lose any more weight, I will be underweight. I’m not concerned about that. I was chronically underweight 5-6 years ago. I don’t think that will happen again. I’m otherwise healthy. However, I wish my blood pressure were lower. It isn’t too high, but I could see it going there. She saw how nervous I was and thought it might be due to that. But nah, my BP has been that way for about 6 months.

No false hope

UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT: I know how much people love these (sarcasm). I feel bad for Rachel Dolezal. To be the #1 trend on social media for something bad…I just feel for her. I don’t know much about the story. I just know she was passing for black but she’s apparently white. I know race is a social construct. Thankyouverymuch. But tell that to the people that live with racism daily. I’m not going on a tangent about that. At least it doesn’t seem like she is going to lose her job UNLESS she gets charged with a crime. I hate hearing about people losing a job.

She must have known that this would come out eventually. She had to know. Was she scared about it? I would have been living in paralyzing fear. I know she put herself in this position but people don’t have to be so mean about it. And please stop with the #TransRacial stuff. It isn’t funny. Oh, I must add that I know the “blackface” thing isn’t right but the women clearly has issues. I have issues too so I’ll pass on judging her. Another thing, some media outlets are reporting she got into Howard University because they thought she was black. Well, NBC news said she went as a white person. Newsflash: White people go to HBCU’s so it is possible. Anyone can apply to a HBCU. You don’t have to be black.

/end rant


I’ve hit a weight loss plateau. I’m between 134 and 135. It has been that way for a week. I don’t feel as if I’m going to lose anymore. That might sound dramatic but what if my body’s feel good weight is 135? I don’t want to believe that is true because even with the meds I’m on, I was 125 pounds about 2 years ago. (? – I can’t remember exactly when). I don’t know. I may drink more water, see if that helps.

Nutrisystem is not a good diet for people trying to avoid carbs, btw. I feel like I have to mention that. NS is high in fiber which is good. But you have to watch the carbs. I happen to love carbs 😉 so I love NS.

I went to the free gym today. I only walked a mile on the treadmill. I was trying to get home quick.


I was going to place an ad in the newspaper about my upcoming yard sale but it costs almost $30! What if it rains? I’ve been thinking about it and there is no way I can have the sale if it rains. My porch has a tiny cover but I have way too much stuff. It won’t fit on my porch.  So I’m just going to stick to free advertising for now. When I look for yard sales, I always look at the free options. I never think about the newspaper. I’m not posting signs because I don’t want neighbors to find out that way. They’ll find out when they see cars in the yard and I’m okay with them coming over.

I didn’t have to go anywhere after work all week. I stayed in Monday through Friday. Those are my kind of days! Love it. The next few weeks will not be like that so I’m enjoying it while I can. I’m off next Friday. There are probably billions of things I should do but I think I’m just taking my dog to the park. I hope he will sit still enough so I can get some reading in.

Speaking of reading…I got another library card today! Woohoo. Now I have 3  (legal – LOL) library cards in 3 different counties/cities. I love having access to so many books. To see what I’m reading now, scroll below.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Mariah Carey, Florence + The Machine, Indigo Girls, Lissie, Sara Jackson-Holman, Imagine Dragons, Kelly Clarkson, Kina Grannis

Thanks to Florence + The Machine and Indigo Girls for making me believe in the music of 2015. This has been a bad year so far (compared to last year).

Watched: NBA Finals, PLL, James Holmes trial

Hmmm, I don’t care who wins the NBA championship. I just want seven good games. So far, so good. I’ve been staying up late for these games though. #EastCoast

Movie of the week: Hot Girls Wanted  I expected this documentary on the porn industry to be better. I appreciated that it focused on younger girls (over 18!)  just getting into the industry but um, that is all there was. Average movie.

Books of the week: I’m juggling quite a few books right now. I brought Vanity Fair (the book) from Amazon. It is 755 pages so I don’t know where that fits in. I would like to read it this summer. Here goes…


Everyday I fight by Stuart Scott on page 147

I Am That Girl by the Alexis Jones (23% through) I might put this one on the back burner to read library books.

Eyes on You: A novel of suspense by Kate White on page 200. I’m trying to get back into reading fiction after mostly reading nonfiction for the past decade. This book is okay. So far, it seems predictable. If you think you would like a grown up version of Pretty Little Liars, check this book out.  Drama, oh my! 🙂

And here are two library books I haven’t started yet:

Not Fade Away: A Memoir of Senses Lost and Found by Rebecca Alexander

But Enough About Me…A Jersey’s Girl’s Unlikely Adventures Among the Absurdly Famous by Jancee Dunn

I hope I can keep the library books for 6 weeks otherwise, they probably won’t get read. Too many books. Not enough time. My fault.


plans of the week
plans of the week

Just speaking from experience

YAY!  I weigh 135.8 I kid you not. 🙂 🙂 🙂

At first the weight loss seemed slow but now I lose a pound a day (?). WOW. Stat time:

Starting weight on May 11th, 2015: 142

Current weight as of May 29, 2015: 135

Awesome and I’m feeling great too!  I’m going to have to pull out some old clothes to see if I can fit in them. EDIT: Woofreakinghoo! I can wear my jeans I couldn’t wear in Las Vegas. YEAH. I was going to throw some clothes away. I’m glad I didn’t. The best thing about doing Nutrisystem to lose weight is that I’m not even hungry. I used to eat when I was bored. Of course I always had things to do but I didn’t want to do those things. Anyhow, I should cancel NS for money reasons but I’m counting on making some extra money soon.

I’m losing weight just in time for bikini season! Wait, I’ve never worn a bikini and never will. haha. I see things all over social media about losing weight for summer vacay and to be able to look good in a bikini. I had to make a (bad) joke about it.

I have a bunch of new STUFF. I picked up my things from the men’s clothing store that went out of business. It is a lot. Over 100 items.  I have to sell this stuff.  Now the things are overflowing into the living room and I’m feeling overwhelmed. The good thing about clothes is that they can easily be donated but I want my money back. This is a business after all. The clothes have tags on them. SCORE!! If I can’t sell these in person, I will try on Ebay. I have never sold clothes there but I figure clothes NWT (new with tags) can’t be that hard to sell. Donation is the 3rd option.

If a female clothing store would have gone out of business….Buddha, help me. I would keep some stuff for myself. 😉 In fact, I’m currently looking at some gowns  from another sale that I can fit into. One is an OSCAR DE LA RENTA dress. I’m currently the only person interested in the dress. I’m sure that won’t last.  I will most likely take these to consignment shops IF I get them. When will I ever have to be that dressy? I can’t think of an occasion so I’m planning on selling them. One red gown would be perfect for dressing up for Halloween but I don’t do Halloween… this dress seriously makes me want to dress up next October.

James Holmes’ therapy session eerily sound like mine. Freaky. But we both have social anxiety so it shouldn’t be shocking. So weird to hear the exact same questions I get asked being asked to Holmes. And yes, we have some of the same responses. (Not for the reasons Sue might think…but I digress). Also, we don’t say more than we have to. “Yes” “No” “Not really”  etc. Creepy. I’m listening to it now so I had to comment.

I won’t even start on the comments by people who are lucky enough to have no idea what social anxiety is or how it is to live with. Clueless!

This Week I…

Music of the week: Mariah Carey, Kina Grannis, Lissie, Kendrick Lamar, Meghan Trainor, Madonna, Marina & The Diamonds, Kelly Clarkson

Watched: NBA playoffs, PLL, James Holmes trial

Books of the week: Two books for now.  Everyday I fight by Stuart Scott is a secondary read. I take the book with me when I go places.  My main read is The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up which is so funny to me. I’m staring at a heap of clothes that aren’t even my clothes. There are things EVERYWHERE. But I will be taking 1/3 or 1/4 of the items to sell on June 6. I would take more but my car isn’t big enough.


This week
This week

typical day on Nutrisystem

Starting weight on May 11th, 2015: 142

Current weight as of May 25, 2015: 138

I’m on the “My Way Core 1,200” plan. I’m supposed to have 1,200 calories a day. I closely follow the plan but sometimes I eat two carbs a day instead of one. If I have pasta for dinner, I don’t eat bread but if I have soup, I’ll have one piece of bread.

Breakfast:  NS breakfast bar or muffin with a boiled egg (between 230-275 calories)

Morning snack: tuna or almonds (between 70 – 100 calories)

Lunch: NS lunch bar with Kroger Lite yogurt (about 260 calories) OR NS soup with a tomato (about 225 calories)

Afternoon snack:  1 serving of Special K or Kashi whole grain crackers (between 100-120 calories)

Dinner: Usually a NS pasta dish and 2-3 servings of broccoli or cabbage (between 250 – 340 calories) Sometimes I add a slice of whole wheat bread (60 calories).

Dessert: A NS dessert. I prefer cake, nachos, or chocolate covered pretzels. 😉 (between 130-150 calories)

And that’s it. I pretty much eat every 2-3 hours which was a HUGE adjustment for me. I used to eat 2 meals a day with a snack at night. I’m going to keep this up once I get off of NS in July. The biggest difference is that I will probably go up to about 1500 calories or so. That shouldn’t be a big deal….or will it?  I’m beginning to wonder how the medicine I’m on is affecting my weight. I also think I might have PCOS. (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome). That doesn’t help with weight either.

*****If anyone wants $30 off your first NS order, please @me on twitter @thesewalls. Trust me, you will want that discount and try to get others. I just need your email address to send you the offer.*****

For exercise, I mow the lawn. lol. I also follow a Jillian Michael’s DVD (Banish Fat Boost Metabolism). My goal is to do the DVD 3 times a week.

I don’t drink 8 glasses of water a day. I usually average around 4. I also don’t always get my 4 servings of veggies in. I always get at least 2 servings.

I want to see 135 on the scale so bad. That is my next goal. I saw 137.9 on the scale this morning ONCE and I freaked out. Get that number down! I know measurements are important too. But there are so many numbers, I just post weight here but I know I have lost an inch or two in places.

I’m going to get back to pricing inventory and see what I want to take with me for my first sale. My first sale is less than 2 weeks away.

Never gonna break my faith

Ahhh! I don’t know what to do (again). My monitor on my laptop is broken. My dog has knocked down my laptop 3 times and I knocked it down the most recent time. Uh-oh. The last time I backed up my hard drive on my external drive was April 12, 2012. (I have backed up various files in various places since then but no, not ALL my files are backed up). Update: I have found a way to attach an extra monitor so I can use that to access everything on my laptop. But this isn’t going to work long term. However, I will use it to back up all my files. After I move the files, then I will just get a new laptop?? I’ve had this HP Probook for 3 years. It is a little slow at times but everything but the screen works.

Hmmm. I would have to wait until I get my tax refund before I buy a new laptop. I don’t have the money now. I wouldn’t get anything expensive (cause I can’t). I’m looking at the Dell Inspirion laptop. I can get it for $499. Btw, I hate Windows 8.1 :/ I’m used to Windows 7 and I like it.

Or should I just see if I can get my laptop fixed? At this point, the cheapest thing is to use my work monitor to get to my laptop’s files. I’m so glad the hard drive isn’t broken! I really like my laptop. I don’t want to get a new one…especially one that isn’t as good as the ProBook. 😦

Sigh. I will be backing up my files all week.  It is mostly music. I have 8,000+ songs.


I weigh 142 pounds….again. I’m not trying to maintain. I want to lose! See how I said “want to” lose? I’m not really trying. I’m pretty sure I’m going to cancel my paid gym membership. Every time I think that, I think of what I could be doing there. Water aerobics, yoga, spin etc. But I’m not doing those things right now. I can cancel in May. I’ll make a decision soon. I went to the free gym on Easter Sunday and guess what? I was the only person there. I used the weight machines for the first time in a long time and I walked a mile and a half on the treadmill. 35 minutes in the gym all by myself. Score! 😉


I’m having dog issues. Or my dog has issues. Both of us have issues. I feel like he needs to be in therapy. Does he know how rare it is to have your human companion around 95% of the time? Hello? I’m almost always home. Most people leave to go to work (I work at home) OR they have like, lives.

He doesn’t get it. He is better when I do leave the house. I can’t hear him screaming/barking from my car. But it is still a pain to leave him. I think we spend too much time together. It is as simple as that. And I’m planning on taking him to the cabin next month? Does this make sense? I feel bad even thinking about leaving him for 3 nights.

How many people have this problem? I need to Bing (AKA google) “spend too much time with my dog/cat”. I just did and what I found wasn’t that comforting. lol.

To be continued…

unapologetic bitch

woohoo! People are viewing my planner YouTube video. I refuse to check stats (for now) but I know people are viewing it because they are clicking on my links like crazy. Awesome. I’m thrilled…even though the video is definitely not my best work.

It looks like I will be going to the Jehovah Witness meeting. Bummer. She didn’t ask me like I thought she would so I didn’t get to use the “I’m not a believer” line. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I could have said that to her face. If we were friends? Perhaps. I can be brutally honest.

It isn’t like I have plans at 7PM on a Friday night. Last Friday I had a movie night. Yesterday I worked on my practicum at 7. So I guess I can go….What do I wear? Since I don’t work in an office, I only have one dress unpacked and that is my interview dress. Well I have another dress but it is kind of racy. 😉 I love that dress. I wore it in Vegas a lot. I will probably end up buying a cheap but cute dress somewhere. The event takes place on April 3rd.

I just got back from the free gym. I walked 1.77 miles on the treadmill. Only 3 people were in the gym including me. Note to self: Saturday at 11:30AM is not a bad time to go to the gym. I weighed myself. I weigh 142.2 pounds. 😦 Actually, I was quite relieved.  I thought I might be on my way to 150! During February, I hibernated. I did not work out at all. My goal weight used to be 120lbs. ROFLMAO Really??? So not happening. Dream deferred. Now my goal weight is 130-135 pounds by June or July.

This Week I…

Music for the week:  Kelly Clarkson, Madonna, Brandi Carlile, Christina Aguilera, Sam Smith, Ariana Grande, Meghan Trainor, Ella Henderson

Song of the week: Bitch I’m Madonna

THIS IS THE BEST SONG EVER.  (slight exaggeration) Okay, I am not even a Madonna fanatic but this song is the shit. If you can’t groove to this song, oh dear. It’s perfect. This should be the next single but how do they get around the word “bitch” on the radio? It is kind of important to the song. Anyone could say anything to her and she can say: “bitch, I’m Madonna” and she wins. I love it. I love it. I love it.

TV for the week: House of Cards, basketball, The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I finished House of Cards. I loved the finale. The rest of the season was average. I didn’t think I would like Kimmy Schmidt. I’m really picky when it comes to comedies. I hate most sitcoms. I like my comedies to be like Veep (so behind with this show), Parks N’ Rec, 30 Rock, Curb Your Enthusiasm (the best!) and Desperate Housewives. So far it is okay. I’m not in love with it.

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: 

Etsy 101: Sell Your Crafts on Etsy, the DIY Marketplace for Handmade, Vintage and Crafting Supplies by Steve Weber (40% through)

I Don’t Want To, I Don’t Feel Like It: How Resistance Controls Your Life and What to Do About It by Cheri Huber (on page 50) – not my favorite book by her.

The Shopping Addiction: A Cure for Compulsive Shopping and Spending to Free Yourself from Addiction! by  Jeffrey Powell (12% through)

My goal in life is to own a house in the country. I can’t do that buying frivolous things. Well, my short term goal is to have an emergency fund. I want the country house to happen in 5 years. I used to be so frugal. Now I need to be and I’m not. ugh.

Speaking of books, Amazon has a deal where you can try Audible and get two free audiobooks. I got 3 free books with my deal. I don’t know why I picked a Stephen King book. Like I will listen to all of that! I’m behind on listening to my audio books. I no longer have Audible. I just signed up for the free trial. Too expensive for me since I don’t listen to the books.

Knitting Projects of the week:  I have lost my knitting mojo. When people would talk about that, I’d think “I doubt that ever happens to me”. ROFL. I just can’t be bothered right now. I will finish my scarf while watching March Madness. I only have about 30 minutes to go.

Walked:  The record for the week is today. I walked 8,209 steps. I don’t think I will ever reach 10,000 steps. If it doesn’t rain on Thursday, I’m taking my dog to the park. I’m off that day (March Madness, baby!) so there will be no rush. I will try to show him the whole park although I hear dogs are not allowed in the rose bush or something? I have been to that park several times and I have no idea what area they are talking about. I hope I don’t break any rules.

Planner update:

weekly layout
weekly layout