Stuck in my mind

I have a hernia. Everyone then asks, “are you having surgery”? Thanks for asking! NOT. The doctor didn’t mention surgery. I’m on medication. I’m supposed to be swallowing the tablet, of course. But I can’t, so I’ve been crushing it. I hope that doesn’t cause more harm.

I did try EVERYTHING to get another medication, but no one gave a shit, so I have to take this. I stopped drinking coffee and soda (!!) on the same day I started the medicine, so I have no idea what’s working. Was it the coffee making me sick? I know on at least two days I got really sick right after drinking coffee. But other days were just fine.

So no more diet Mountain Dew or coffee for me. I’m scared to eat regular food like pizza or a hamburger. I can’t afford to be sick. I don’t have sick days at work. Besides, I hate being sick, so why risk it? But eventually I will have a burger (not fast food – from the grocery store). I have to test it.

The doctor told me I have to get an ultrasound of my stomach. I have a day off in about 3 weeks, so I will get it then. What more can there be? Don’t answer that. Isn’t a hernia bad enough? I just hope I don’t have to get another endoscopy. Hiring a driver and the anesthesia is too much. I will try alternative medicines like herbs before I get another endoscopy. If I get really sick, I will get one.

Speaking of being sick…I haven’t been sick in 9 days which is a record!! I’ve been sick since July. Not once have I gone 9 days without feeling sick. Um, is it the medicine, or not drinking coffee and soda? A combination? I don’t mind not drinking soda as much. But I do miss drinking coffee.

UberEats sent me a $20 off coupon (perfect timing! LOL) since I haven’t used them in about three years. Of course, I can’t eat 95% of the food they offer, but I’m going to order a tuna sandwich for lunch and a chicken breast and broccoli for dinner today. I might have to cut everything in half and save the rest. I’m ordering from Wawa. I’ve never had food from there, but I don’t think their servings are enormous like restaurants.

What else? The debt consolidation place claims I have legal representation. My court date is October 5. I’m not going to court. If I think about it too much, I get nervous. This sucks! I’m just supposed to do nothing???? Okay. I’m going to call them in a few days to make sure. I just don’t want my paycheck garnished. I would be pissed!

I’m mailing my absentee ballot in today. I really don’t care enough to take it to some place else. Sorry. Not really. I heard there is a way you can track the ballot to see if they got it, but I haven’t opened my ballot yet. I’m not looking forward to voting, but at least I don’t have to do it in line on Election Day. I consider that a win. So many people are paranoid about their ballot and I’m like whatever, yo!

This week I…

Music of the week: Rachel Platten, Ariana Grande, Carly Rae Jepsen, Alicia Keys, Jussie Smollett, Victory, Ed Sheeran, Ellie Goulding

TV of the week:  Big Brother, The Wrong Man

Podcasts of the week: Truth & Justice, Dateline, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Tara Brach, Cousins by Blood, Paper Ghosts, 48 Hours, Morally Indefensible, Limitless Life

Books of the week: 

I finished Too Much and Never Enough: How my Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man by Mary Trump. Decent book. I wouldn’t recommend it because of what she says about Trump. Most of the stuff in the book is obvious. I wrote a blog saying most of what she did just by studying Trump’s astrology chart. So nothing new there, but it was still a good read.

I also finished reading Chakra Healing: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Healing Techniques that Balance the Chakras by Margarita Alcantara. I had a short reiki section last week, and the practitioner was spot on. She knew what I had been repeating in my head about work. She used the exact word I used! It was amazing. Anyway, she told me my solar plexus chakra was blocked. That’s where my hernia is!! I got some excellent tips from this book. 

Now that we don’t have mandatory overtime, I have a little bit of time to read. I will be going back to audiobooks soon. I can listen to those while I’m working.

Weekend Plans: I was supposed to do yoga outside this morning, but it’s raining a little. So to force myself NOT to work, I decided to blog here. I still have work to do this weekend for my clients. I will force myself to get off the computer a little this weekend. I’m either going to fill out my ballot now or work. I will probably get voting out of the way.

Thanks for reading. Have a good week. 🙂

it hurts me to hear the melody

I voted on Super Tuesday! 🙂 It was pointless, but I guess I wanted to feel like a part of it. I begrudgingly voted for Hillary Rodham Clinton. I didn’t have much of a choice. If I were a Republican, I would have been excited about voting. They have something to vote for. Anyhow, it took less than 5 minutes to vote. I’m worried about the general election, though. That place can only hold about 5 or 6 voters at a time (!!). I guess there will be a line. I am already planning on asking for a half day or all day off on election day. Chances of getting it are probably slim.

I’m so excited and I shouldn’t be. I scheduled my first Stitch Fix for April 14th. Ahhhh! Finally. There is a chance I might cancel it (again) if I don’t have enough funds to buy any of the clothes. I wrote a note to my stylist saying that I wanted a maxi dress and a specific handbag.  I can’t find the handbag anywhere. Only Stitch Fix seems to have access to it. They will probably end up sending me another type of bag, and I’ll just send it back. I want that bag and that specific bag only.

I cannot wait. If I had the money now, I would move the date up. It is very tempting. When the stylist looks at my Pinterest board, she should be able to get my style. I’ve been slowly adding new things. I’m trying to be specific as possible. I erased a bunch of things I no longer want because I found them on my own (boots and the overalls).

I choose April 14th due to money reasons and I’m hoping she’ll send me something I can wear to the Tori Kelly concert. I keep saying “she” but there is, at least, one male stylist. I was going to try Trunk Club because they get their clothes from Nordstroms. I love Nordstroms, but that doesn’t currently work on my budget. I even talked to the stylist at Trunk Club on the phone, but no can do.

Oh well. My practicum access is not working AGAIN. So I’m just sitting here, wasting time. I have the news on mute. It will basically be over for the Repubs and Dems tonight. Trump versus Clinton. Scary! 😉

Edit: Well I guess Cruz is still standing since he won Oklahoma. That was the only surprise of the night. And Sanders is still alive. I still think Clinton and Trump will pull through.

Speaking of news, I feel like I should boycott MSNBC. They don’t cover news anymore. They only cover politics. They have lightweights on during the day. Melissa Harris-Perry had no choice but to go because they kept preempting her show.  In my heart, I know not watching is the right thing to do. BUT I do like a few people they still have on air. And I’m kind of addicted to watching the news. I have an aversion to CNN and Fox News so what do I watch? Nothing or CSPAN. I should just follow the news on Twitter like everyone else. That is where I get most of the breaking news.

I’m going to read in bed since I can’t work on my practicum, and I can’t work late.  I have other things I should do, but nah.

dat booty booty

I’m working on Thanksgiving (and on that Friday and Saturday) but I’m off for 2 days in mid November so it all works out. I have never left my house on Black Friday…however, this year I’m considering going to craft/yarn stores to see if they have anything on sale. I only need yarn to make my cardigan. Do craft stores cut yarn prices on Black Friday? I have no clue. More importantly, will there be any yarn left by the time I get there since I’m working that morning? I should just stick to online.


Why do people vote in presidential elections and not in mid-terms? I don’t enjoy voting (ha!) but I vote every year. I wouldn’t waste my time just voting for the president. What’s the point? C’mon people! Pay attention! /end public service announcement What? Do these people have, like, a life and whatnot? smirk.

I voted for the first time in my new neighborhood during my lunch break. No lines. So easy. I hope they have more booths for a presidential election otherwise it will be ugly.


Aiming to piss off more people…Let’s talk “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor. I don’t ever listen to music on the radio so I didn’t hear the song until this week. #late I knew it existed because I follow the Billboard charts like it’s my religion. The song has been in the top 5 forever. As of last week it was the #1 song in America and probably still is #1. Anyhow, it could be the perfect pop song. It’s cute. Nice chorus. etc. etc. But these lyrics ruin the whole song:

Yeah, my mama she told me don’t worry about your size
She says, “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night”.

WHO CARES WHAT BOYS THINK? Or anyone? Why does it always have to be about what “they” want? So it is only okay if someone else is attracted to it? FUCK THAT. Embrace your booty or whatever because it’s okay with you!

I complain about my weight (140lbs – OMG!). Yes I would like to lose ten pounds but it isn’t for anyone else. It is for me because I let myself go since I started working at home. It was so much easier for me to exercise when I was out and about. I just want to get the ‘old me’ back for myself.  I don’t care whether John Doe is attracted to me. In fact, I would prefer if he not be but that is a whole other topic.

Wait…I have to confess something. It did feel good when people used to ask me, “Do you eat?” Or say “Wow you are soooo skinny”. But I know that will never happen again. And I’m totally (totes!) at peace with that. I don’t need that. Besides it wasn’t like I was working out daily or deserved what they were saying. It was my metabolism at work NOT ME.

walking the dog

I’m so angry. I can’t even begin to guess what is reason #1. Is it that while others (re: my coworkers) or wondering what to have for dinner, I’m contemplating quitting my job or suicide. They go hand in hand. Sorta. If I quit my job, I may as well kill myself. If I kill myself = jackpot! Obviously it should be suicide but I’ve tried in the past and it didn’t work so why will it work NOW? Am I angry enough? Last time I was just sad/depressed. Maybe one needs to be angry to commit suicide.

I started a book on the history of suicide and how to prevent it etc. Sorry, I don’t believe in suicide prevention. Well I guess some people can be talked out of it. People with faith. There goes that word again! People with friends and family support. What people don’t get about suicide is that the person BELIEVES* that the world is better off without them. That includes spouses, kids, etc.

*Beliefs are everything…unfortunately.

So I’m not going to kill myself today or probably this year. That reality sucks. I want suicide to always be an option. There is freedom in that. Freedom in knowing that at anytime I could end THIS.
I should be writing this in my paper journal. Maybe it’s lack of sleep. I’m pretty sure it’s not PMS (but then again I’m not really keeping track of it). Maybe it is I’M SICK OF PEOPLE ALWAYS PUTTING ALL THEIR ISSUES ON ME.

Dude, do you act like an adult?? We have to start there first. LOL. Yes, I’m uptight. There are certain things (mostly types of annoying noise) that I cannot tolerate. I guess I should be put on Valium or something so I won’t be able to hear the noise. OR MAYBE YOU COULD STOP POPPING YOUR GUM OR YOUR INK PEN OR YOUR SODA BOTTLE (?). You know act like an adult???? Why is it ALL on me? “Oh she is uptight, a control freak etc.” When it comes to noise…hell yes!

If you think this is nuts, you should see me during PMS. Don’t even look at me. Make noise and I will excuse myself.

Today I went to pick up a prescription – no not Valium – and it wasn’t ready. I told them to have it ready at 3PM and it was 3:50. Normally this wouldn’t upset me but:

1. I had a “I hate people” day. (This occurs on most days but when I’m around new groups of people it is even worse. IS EVERYONE THIS ANNOYING? Maybe that is why I don’t like humans?? Lol)

2. Several roads were closed/being worked on. I’m not joking. I had to do a lot and knocked over a cone to get to the pharmacy. (I will never forgive Obama for this. I can hold a grudge – shocking!)

3. It was one of the rare times I went through the drive-thru. He said “Do you want to wait?” Wait, where in the drive-thru?? After all this I did not want to park and go in. But I know I would need some drugs tonight after the day I had. (I skip sometimes…when humans aren’t around – ha). I could have done that in the first place.

Most of all I’m mad at myself for being mad at the pharmacy. After I said I would wait I said, “I said 3 PM!”.
The people inside the pharmacy didn’t seem to hear. I’m hoping he had the mike turned off because I said it as I was driving off. Regardless, it didn’t need to be said. I didn’t have to have a reaction but I did.


Oh well. My paper journal will feel loved tonight. Egg rolls for dinner.

I never thought I would be on the side of the damn Nader voters (I don’t know what to call them today) but that is what happened yesterday. And the democrats deserve it. But it’s just the House and didn’t this happen to Bush and Clinton during their last terms. Isn’t this normal??

I don’t dislike Obama and most of his policies. In fact as of today I have no problem with him being Prez in 2012 (so not happening but I’d vote for him). I just wish he hadn’t fucked up so much by trying to do so much at once. Yes you can do health care reform…but not if you wanna win again. He is just too intelligent. With intelligence comes arrogance (generalization). Oh well I still think in history he will be treated as the president who did the most and didn’t give a damn.

Unfortunately Mr. President by not giving a damn, you hurt the liberals feelings. LOL. (I can say this because I’m liberal/progressive). I’m still confused on the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” thing.

Btw, the prez is an INFP. I could not possibly hate him. 🙂 He is a thinker. He analyzes too much. He doesn’t talk just to talk which is bad in this crazy culture. He is a dreamer. There is a spot for him but maybe not in the bad economic/war time

Chris Matthews was outta control last night. I had MSNBC on all night (I have to sleep with the TV on). I thought it would be easy to sleep to “Another republican wins!” Blah, blah, blah, But Chris Matthews kept making me laugh out loud. Ugh, Chris I was trying to sleep.

I wonder why I’m tired…Oh, the point of this was supposed to be that the democrats voters/public deserve this for not voting for Howard Dean. I will say this until I die. You had your chance.