They don’t know so it’s okay

Awesome news! My apartment was rented. Best. News. Ever. 🙂 🙂 I no longer have to pay rent for two places. I have to thank the leasing company. They are the ones who made it happen. I think she was shocked that I kept paying rent after I was long gone. So she figured she would help me out.

———

Hopefully, I am going to be volunteering at the animal shelter very soon. I have to do orientation first.  I said I was interested in walking dogs and socializing cats. I hope I get a chance to do both but if I have to pick one, I will probably walk dogs but I would love to play with the kitties. I don’t know. Maybe I should shoot for 2 days a week. One for dogs and one for cats.

My lifelong dream has been to help animals. One day I would like to have a house full of them…when I’m living in my country house in the middle of nowhere. I love animals!

Weekly

Music for the week:  Kinky Boots “soundtrack” (I haven’t been this obsessed about a play since Rent. There will be a US tour in 2014. I have to go!) , Selena Gomez, Alexz Johnson, Sara Bareillis, Jillette Johnson, Backstreet Boys

TV for the week: Dexter, Pretty Little Liars, news, Big Brother 15

Movie of the week: none

Books of the weekReconstructing Amelia by Kimberly McCreight and American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld (on non gym days, I sit on the porch and read after work. It’s the best).

Goals for next week: Work related goals mostly.

Tomorrow I am going to the gym with my mom for the first time. I’m a little anxious about how all this will go. She doesn’t want to go to a crowded gym and I’m guessing Sunday afternoons will be crowded. sigh. Anyway, I can bring a guest every time I go to the gym. Isn’t that a nice perk?

I went to the bead show today. I showed great restraint. But it was easy since I’m currently not making jewelry. I did get some cord to make a few necklaces and I also brought myself a pair of feather earrings. I doubt I keep going back there. I found the vendors a bit rude. One yelled at me for taking a picture. I was doing it for my project life scrapbook album. No need to be rude, just ASK me to delete the picture. I was supposed to take a pic of the scene but I ended up taking a pic of beads for sale. Geez. Now I feel like one of the those people with the ‘mean people suck’ bumper stickers…but they do suck.

I also went to my mom’s house to walk my dog.

Guy on bike: That is one lucky dog. Can you walk me after you finish?

ROFL. I suppose some women might be offended but I thought it was hilarious. He didn’t linger which would have made me uncomfortable. Men. 😉

realize

How can I mentor someone else when I need mentoring? Is that a cop-out or reality? 😉 Okay, so I haven’t made it enough to mentor. HOWEVER, couldn’t I teach 5th graders math? I would prefer science but I don’t know what the options are. Oh, LOL. I’m forgetting about social anxiety. Okay back to my life.

Ignoring social anxiety and depression, committing to 2 hours a week of volunteer teaching is a lot. I’d also be in school, taking a very hard course. I know teaching takes prep. Sigh! I can’t ignore the depression!!! What if I fall into a funk? I’m pretty sure I would focus on the students more than on my school work. At least I would try.

Some people’s social anxiety disappears with older or younger people. I don’t think my SA disappears at all. But it is less around older people. Kids remind me of my school experience. As soon as I see them I worry. In a class of three, it could be different. I might be different. I might think, “This is my JOB”. I know I wouldn’t want to teach a class of 30. Just the thought of that makes me anxious.

I don’t know whether I’m going to pursue this. I don’t know everything they require. I will probably find out in a few days though. Just because I show interest, doesn’t mean I’ll get the opportunity to do it. The other volunteer opportunity revolved around dogs. It fell through. I visited the place and I knew the environment wasn’t for me. It was on a farm. I felt like a stranger on strange land and I was only there for 5-10 minutes. I got bad vibes. I managed to leave without talking to anyone.

I think I’m pretty realistic…versus ambitious. rofl. So I won’t get involved in something I know I will suck at. The problem is knowing what things entail. I do get in over my head sometimes.

Another example of this would be trying Bikram yoga. It is expensive but I keep thinking, “if Groupon or Living Social offers a coupon, I might bite”. I read about others experiences. They raved about it. I thought, “These people are different. They have discipline and are gluttons for punishment”. I’m half joking about the punishment thing but really who would want to do that I used to wonder??? I finally found a person who walked out of class more than once and almost fainted. This is the side I need to know about.

The authentic form of Bikram yoga originated with yogi Bikram Choudhury in 1974. Choudhury developed a series of 26 asanas to be performed in a particular sequence in a heated room of 80-105 degrees Fahrenheit. The classes are usually 90-minutes long and include specialized breathing exercises as well.

source – link above
I must confess that I’m curious. Half of me thinks it is just nuts to do this to myself. 😉 I am checking the coupon sites. I don’t know….I live on the humid east coast. I know what hot is. Today is over 100 by the way. I sort of wish I only knew the good parts of it but I like to know both sides. I’m half hoping that there isn’t a coupon so I don’t have to make a decision. Having to pay for my course next weeks helps me not want to do it.

Tomorrow is my last day of yoga at this particular studio. I’m taking my second Iyengar yoga class. I like iyengar yoga because it feels like a workout and isn’t all about breathing. I don’t know when yogalates starts at the other gym. It is the only yoga they offer. And it is affordable. I can’t find cheaper classes plus I get a discount. I’m working on the doctor note thing.

I’m going to a church??!

I’ve been on hold with the insurance company for 25 minutes. I think they are charging me too much for mental health visits. I know the copays have gone up for most people (except teachers in our state– they have the lowest copays! $20 to a specialist and $10 for their primary doctor. I would love that. Who wouldn’t? Uh, yes most of them with any experience make more than me so don’t go there.)

30 minutes and counting…

On March 7 I’m going to a church. No, not a Christian Church. LOL. NOTHING is going to stop me. Only a physical illness could stop me. Working 40 hours around people has always been my excuse for not doing anything that involves people on the weekend. I have a hard time understanding how a person can go to work and then go to church on Sunday! Who knows what they did on Saturday? That is too much stimulation for me.

When I was unemployed, I would have to go out at least once a week. In the summer, walking around the neighborhood was enough. I am very much a loner but I need some stimulation…even if it is just a grocery store. I don’t get lonely, I would call it bored. But since I’m around people mon-fri, I’m OVERstimulated. I don’t feel a need to do anything outside of my house on the weekends.

35 minutes. Still on hold….

I’ve never been near this church. I don’t know exactly where it is. But I’m committed to going. I would like to go to the service at least once a month. And they have documentary movie Friday twice a month. I’m a documentary freak so going to that once a month would be nice. (As long as no discussion is required – I hate talking. LOL). IF I like this church, I would like to do some volunteer stuff with them. It is easier when working with a group. I’ve done the solo volunteering thing and I felt like a circus freak except when the girl from Russia was working with me. (She was living with a host family and volunteering while she was here).

40 minutes on hold. I’m on my cell. I have limited minutes!

I’m committed. This is my courageous year???! Even if I had a bad work week and the thought of people make me want to poke pins in my eyes, I will still go. I wanted to just go to the newcomer’s meeting but there is a service right before that so…I feel like proper protocol is to go to the service and the meeting. Not that I really care about protocol. The main reason I’m going on March 7th is for the newcomer’s meeting.

45 minutes on hold…if they have fuck. Fuck. Answer the goddamn phone! I should hang up because it is probably due to the snow on the east coast. In DC, some people can’t get to work because there is no shuttle service or metro. Sigh. I’m just worried about going over. Should I really hang up after being on hold for 45 minutes? ::silence::

I’m scared to go to this new church but there is a quote that goes, “My life will be more interesting if I do this then if I don’t” so I will at least go to the meeting. Not excited or that interested in the service so I’m going to need to hype myself up for that. I will blog about other concerns later. Trust me, I have a lot of issues with churches…even when it isn’t a Christian Church.

Well 50 minutes holding. Wasting minutes. Fuck. Someone answered but guess what the women at the office told me to call the wrong number. And he couldn’t just transfer me. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

One more thing: I went to work late today so I did some de-cluttering. I got rid of two whole boxes! *cheer* Too bad, I couldn’t find the one thing I was looking for. But so far I have two boxes and two trash bags to take out. Yay!

Oh god, I got through to the other number easily. Bad news. It costs me $25 more to go to see anyone in mental health. That is unusual. Who copay goes up by $25 in one year? Yes prevent people from going to see mental health providers. GOOD MOVE. LOL. They have no idea what they are doing. I am now cutting back big time on that. Sucks. I was just getting excited about going twice a month. Guess I should’ve been a teacher but that involves talking…

URGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And what if I went over my minutes. Wah. This sucks. Suckity. Suck. Suck.

Have a nice day! I’m taking a nap. Got to do long hours tomorrow if I can get out of bed early. It is so hard getting up in the winter. In the summer/spring, I don’t have this problem. And I’m pretty sure I’m becoming a night person or maybe this is related to winter too. Around 11pm, I have so much energy and nothing to do with it. Haha.

Longest. Entry. Ever. tata

i’ll toot your horn

…if you toot mine. 🙂

I think I’m getting sick for the first time in two-three years. I want to blame the cold house but I lived through last winter with no colds. I’ve never had the flu…at least I don’t think so. I’ve never had a flu shot and won’t be getting one this year. Nor will I get the H1 vaccine.
————–
M got this idiotic idea of trying to get people (uh, me) to say/write down the good things they have done. I’m assuming she’s talking about only @ work. Not that I would dream of participating. I would like for all the coworkers to list the BAD things they’ve done. I’m willing to stop by each desk and help everyone cuz I’m sweet like that.

Nice things I do at work

*hold the door open for ‘strangers’ even tho one time a lady on crutches snapped at me

*when others do something wrong, I’ll correct it 90% of the time even though we are supposed to give it back to the person. this actually hurts me b/c I get less things done. 10% of the time I let the person know, especially if I know they can easily fix it. Some days it’s back to back issues and I should probably email them so they can learn however, I know other people are sending them things back.

*went out to lunch w/ c even though I was terrified

see how silly this is? They do nice things for each other (buy lunch etc) because they are FRIENDS. I don’t consider what people do for friends and family as “nice”. Of course you are going to do that. I’ve done a lot of that (with family).

But if we wanna talk outside of work, friends & family, I can name tons of things. Of course I would like to do more like ‘meals on wheels’ or volunteer at the animal shelter. But volunteering at the animal shelter is pretty social. I just adopted my cat from there and there were more people than dogs, I can’t say the same for cats. There are tons of cats/kittens there. The main things I currently do are animal related like donating to the animal shelter which I have to do again (I only do it annually) and making sure the stray cats get breakfast and dinner. But I also love donating toys for Xmas even though I hate that holiday. lol. But I will give to the the kids. Then I start thinking about how I should give to Darfur and what about mental health organizations etc. etc. That’s why I like to pick one thing & stick with it. There are too many charities and I don’t have time to check them all out. How much on the dollar is going to ‘victims’ when I donate to the red cross?

I think I’m going to check out a volunteering site but this month is not the month to start. Super busy. The last time I volunteered it was at a park doing gardening. My social ineptness was a slight issue but they didn’t make such a big deal out of it like everyone else does/has.

————-
Tomorrow I’m waking up @ 5:15 and leaving town to pass out Avon stuff. (okay I’m only going an hour away). I think everyone in this city hates me. I would probably feel this way even if I lived in Chicago or NYC.

Thanks for making me blog M. I never said I was nice.