Bridges burn, I never learn

Countdown:

1 day until Marianne Williamson’s NYE retreat (via live stream)

9 days until I see Marianne Williamson LIVE

23 days until I see (and meet!!) Gabby Bernstein in LA

I have to say one thing about Marianne’s live stream. I had no idea the times on the website were pacific standard time. lol. Of course, it would be. It’s taking place in LA! Anyway, the start time for Friday will be 10:30PM for me. I will be barely awake at that time. I was planning on taking notes and things throughout the whole retreat. Uh, probably not happening on Friday night. The good thing is that I will be able to see everything else live this weekend because I will be home since it all takes place during the afternoon and night.

Ugh. I look like I’m 6 months pregnant and I haven’t even been eating that much because lack of Abilify took my appetite away. This birth control definitely doesn’t agree with me. But hey, it stopped the bleeding which is more than I could ask for. So I’m staying on for at least a year. Maybe a little less. I don’t need BC so I’m not planning on trying anything after I get off this. I just wanted to stop my period, but I can’t have everything, I guess. ::sobs:: I’m going to be stuck with my period forever. Why have a period for no reason?

I’m feeling much better now that I’m back on Abilify. My appetite still isn’t really back, but I can eat so no complaints. I’m not looking forward to going off again. I get back from LA around midnight on January 21. Do I dare slowly wean myself off starting on January 22?

I’m getting excited about Los Angeles even though I shouldn’t be going. LOL. I have a much better itinerary then what I posted last time. I’m not going to the beach on that Friday. Here is a rough itinerary as of today:

Friday: Griffith Observatory (all afternoon/evening)

Saturday: downtown LA (morning), Gabby Bernstein (afternoon/evening)

I know that doesn’t sound great to a lot of people. But I would be very happy to get to do just those things. Downtown LA is a lot. I want to explore all of downtown in about 4 hours. Btw, I’m so scared to find out how far the Observatory is from my hotel. I know I would probably not plan to go if I knew how much an Uber would cost. So I’m not checking for now because I really want to shut that place down. 🙂 It closes at 10 PM.

I kind of want to go to In-N-Out Burger. We don’t have one here. I should have my appetite back fully by then.  It is very close to the hotel/airport. I just don’t know when to go. There are so many food options. I definitely don’t need to go to In-N-Out.

As long as I make it to LA *on time*, I’ll be fine. When I went to Oaxaca City, there was a plane malfunction and I was stuck in Mexico City for a night. I had to get a hotel.  Then on my way back from Vegas, I missed my connecting flight. But that wasn’t a huge deal since it was on the back. I’m not going to be in LA long so there’s no time for delays. I can’t stand hearing about planes turning around or flight delays right now. It makes me anxious. What if I miss Gabby? I’ll die!

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8):  Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Demi Lovato, Mariah Carey, Ariana Grande, City High, Julia Michaels, Laura Marling

I have a like/love relationship with Taylor Swift’s music. It should be hate/love because some of her albums I hate. But her latest album I’m loving which is a shock to me. I was so disappointed when I first heard it.

My top 17 albums of 2017 is coming in January. 😉

TV of the week:  The Crown, The Jump, House Hunters, basketball

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week:  The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes, All In With Chris Hayes, The Lively Show, Mentally Chill, Don’t Freak Out

Books of the week: 

Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

DSCN0615

Plans for the Weekend: Besides “attending” the Marianne New Year’s retreat, I’m taking my mom out to eat for her birthday and that’s about it.

Oh, wait. I thought that was all, but I just found out that I’m working overtime this weekend. I wanted to say NO so bad, but I really need the money. It’s cold and my electric bill is going to be sky high so I have to work the OT. I hate winter. Last winter was mild so I figured this winter was going to suck and so far I’m right. My house is so cold, I feel like I may as well be outside.

I feel bad for the homeless people. We have at least one shelter that opens at 7PM. But you need a referral (??) and they don’t give out food. I hope everyone can fit. I have no idea how big the place is.

It’s going to be so cold on NYE, Kool & The Gang canceled their concert!! I like Kool & The Gang and thought that would be a nice concert, but there is NO WAY I would want to be out at midnight on NYE in the cold. I didn’t know it was going to be this cold. And I think the people in NYC are nuts for waiting for the ball to drop in the freezing cold. Nothing could make me stand out there.

Have I mentioned how much I hate the cold? Maybe I should go on? I need to move somewhere warm all the time, but there aren’t that many options in the US. Texas is one option I kind of like. For now, I want to stay in the States. Later on, I would consider leaving the US.

Thanks so much for checking in. Have a great weekend! 🙂

Today was okay

I’ve been off Abilify for 22 days. I wish I had documented what happened last time. I know I was barely functioning and had suicidal thoughts. I went back through my blog to try to find out when what happened when. It was exactly a year ago that I went back on Abilify! I had no idea. Why do I keep going off it during the winter months? Not smart. Anyone can be depressed. There is barely any sun.

Tuesday was great after 9AM. I was even happy!! Yesterday sucked all day. I’m having physical and mental symptoms. The nausea is the worst. I ordered something OTC for that. I hope it works. I’m also having headaches, but they aren’t that bad. My digestive system is also a little messed up. I went to the store to get something for that today.

Today was okay. It was definitely better than yesterday. Today was average. No real highs or lows.

The depression is not severe. I’m not having suicidal thoughts. If I were, I’d be back on Abilify. The plan would be to stay on Abilify until I get back from Los Angeles and then wean myself off slowly. My psychiatrist said I didn’t need to wean myself off, but the internet is saying something VERY different. Thanks a lot, doc!

I’m trying to push through it. But if lack of Abilify affects my work or I get suicidal, I will go back on. I wasn’t very productive at work yesterday. 😦  And I can’t go to LA depressed. What would be the point? I have to feel better before January 19.

I was thinking I don’t like who I am on Abilify, but I don’t like who I am off of it either. Who wants to be depressed? On Abilify, I lack inhibition. I want to be like I used to be before I started the drug. I was frugal. I didn’t need STUFF. I was careful.

Honestly, I’d be happier if I could just eat breakfast. I can’t stomach anything until after 8. I start work at 6. I get up at 5.  If I eat at 8, I’m less productive at work because I’m supposed to be working.

I’m trying to document what being off Abilify is like this time in case I have to do it again after I get back from LA. This is my way of saying that I might be blogging about Abilify a lot.

At this point, I’m still going to LA even though I don’t have that Friday off yet. I forgot that we were supposed to be trained sometime in 2018. What if that Friday is a day of training? There’s NO WAY I’m going to cancel my trip just due to one day of training. I’ll just have to miss it.

UPDATE: I now have that Friday off. I’m coming back at midnight on that Sunday night. I will probably ask for that Monday off. Not sure.

You know what I get excited about when it comes to my trip? Being in the hotel. LOL. Forget LA and Gabby Bernstein. I just want to enjoy the hotel. It’s a weekend getaway. A 3,000-mile weekend getaway. I’m so glad I changed the hotel. Now I know I’m getting something very nice. This is where business people stay. Since it is a business hotel, I wish they would offer a shuttle to downtown, but they don’t. I don’t even mind paying for it. I’ll just use Uber.

Birth control update: I STOPPED BLEEDING. WOW!!!!111!!! 😉

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8):  Joan Osborne, Linkin Park, Taylor Swift, Pink, Ariana Grande, Ed Sheeran, Jasmine Thompson, George Micahel

TV of the week:  Homeland, The Affair, Survivor, The Crown

I have pretty much stopped watching the news. I don’t care about Russia and that is all cable news covers. Well, recently they have been talking about taxes nonstop. It is so boring. Not interested.

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week:  All In With Chris Hayes, Mentally Chill, Ryen Russilo Show, A Killing on the Cape, The Lively Show

Books of the week: I finished reading Only Love Can Break Your Heart by Ed Tarkington. It is a coming of age story. I didn’t think I was going to like it. I love movies like that, but I rarely read books on that topic. It was a 4-star book. Better than average, but not great.

Now reading –

I have decided on what 3D books I’m taking with me to LA. I’m taking A Course in Miracles and a book I’ve been trying to finish forever: What Remains by Carole Radziwill. I didn’t want to take ACIM because it is so thick. But a plane ride is the perfect time to be “stuck” with the book. I’ll get a lot of reading done.

As far as Kindle books goes, I have a ton of books on my Kindle I haven’t read and hopefully, I will have library ebooks by then.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren (coming Sunday – Xmas theme!)

Plans for the Weekend: Unlike a lot of people, I had to work all week. I’m off on Monday, of course. I’m looking forward to just going to the park. It is going to be 70 degrees on Saturday and then it all goes downhill. I really want to get my living room cleaned up. Nothing exciting.

Oh, I’m supposed to take my test on Sunday but I might change that. I talked to one of the professors on the phone. It was awkward on my end, but she gave me resources so I can really grasp this stuff. So I spent $80 on that. Hopefully, it will be here soon.

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂

A heavy choice to make

Countdown:

4 days until my birthday

5 days until my Asheville vacay

29 days until the Ellie Goulding concert

My birthday marks nothing. I’m just going out to eat in my new (to me) Dansko shoes. OMG, those shoes are so heavy! But they are supposed to help with foot pain. Why didn’t anyone mention how heavy they are?  I don’t know what to do. I want to take them to Asheville because I’ll be doing a LOT of walking and I can’t walk a lot without severe pain. My sister had surgery on her feet (or was it a foot?), and I don’t think she’s any better. So this issue is genetic.  Anyway, since I’m renting a car (long story), I don’t want to take a lot of extra stuff I might not even use.

Edited to add: I’ve been walking around the house in these shoes, and I don’t think they’ll be going to Asheville. I will wear them all day on my birthday in order to make a final decision. It’s not like I’m planning to walk a lot on Monday, so I don’t know. Should I make a trip to the mall to window shop to get more steps in these shoes? I might.

The struggle is real. I would laugh, but the foot problem is a real issue. I should probably have been to the doctor decades ago. My mom is warning me that I should see a doctor before it is too late. Oh well. Back to my birthday: another year goes by. I’m not expecting any major gifts. I sort of bought myself a bunch of stuff in April. LOL. Happy early birthday to me.

I did a ton of unboxings on snap chat on Wednesday afternoon. It might be still up if I post this entry in time. (Username: kat3x5). I will be snap chatting my way through Asheville so if you want to see you know where to find me.


Something’s bugging me. Okay, something is always bugging me. What’s wrong with wanting to be left alone? We all must bow down to the needs of social people. WHY? What about OUR needs? The need to be left the fuck alone? No one gives a shit? Just say it!!!

Sorry for the outburst, but that bugs me so much when people are critical of nonsocial people. Everyone isn’t going to be Chatty Cathy. Maybe they have social anxiety, or maybe they are a loner, or maybe something really bad happened to them, or maybe they just aren’t wired to be social. It’s not that complicated.

Embrace diversity…yeah, right. ROFL.


So much is going on. I’m so overwhelmed. I hope nine days of no work helps a little. And maybe going to Asheville will help also. I get to be in nature. However, I just checked the weather, and  it is going to rain while we are there. This is only a problem because it might affect my mom’s arthritis. I don’t know what to do about that. Hopefully, that won’t be an issue. It’s not going to be that warm either. blah.

I hope I get to use the hot tub. I bought a bathing suit for that purpose, so I’m hopping in no matter what.

I really should be repacking. I have too much stuff. I’m usually a light packer, but I’m unsure of the weather. etc. etc.

Enough about Asheville. This may be my last post before I go so I want to get it all in. haha. I was going to do a final Asheville itinerary, but I don’t think I’ll have one until after the weekend. I may post it before I leave.


This week I…

Music of the week: Ellie Goulding, Tori Kelly, Prince, Beyonce, James Blake, John Mayer, Martina McBride, Years & Years

Years & Years is one of the opening acts for Ellie Goulding. I just became familiar with them. I like. I’m curious about how they are live. The other opening act is BeBe Rexha. I already know her music. Love her. I hear she is really good live.

TV of the week:  Bloodline, basketball

Bloodline is so good. I’m rewatching season 1.  I think the second season starts May 27th?! Can’t wait.

Movie of the week:  none

Books of the week:  I wanted some light reading for my trip. Probably not happening. Reading about Prince makes me sad, and it is a 600-page book, so I’m probably going to take a break from Prince the Man and his Music by Matt Thorne. I just checked out Until I Say Good-Bye: A Book About Living by Susan Spencer-Wendel. It is about a woman who learns she has ALS so she does a bunch of things in a year like travel etc. It isn’t exactly light reading, but I’ve had it on my wishlist for a while.

Plans for the weekend: Packing and repacking. I’m also making three mix CDs for the rental car. I’m making one of Prince songs and one of Janet Jackson. And the other will probably be a mix of “new to me” pop music (Beyonce, Bruno Mars, Little Mix).

I was going to shave my legs this weekend for the first time in YEARS. But it doesn’t look like it will be warm enough in Asheville for shorts so what’s the point? I do plan on conforming to society’s standards later this summer. I will shave my legs at least once this summer.

Have a nice weekend! 🙂

I got big dreams baby

There was this great part time job opportunity, but now they have nothing for that time slot. 😦 They do have my information and they will text me when something opens up. Most part-time, evening, jobs are social so that counts me out. That job would have been perfect. At the most it was 17 hours a week. Perfect. Bummer.

Oh well. I hope they have something opening soon. I really want to get the rear shock absorbers fixed on my car before I go to North Carolina. As of right now, the Asheville trip for my birthday is off. I can go to Asheville in 2017.  I do hope I get to go to the state park’s cabin for at least 2 nights for my birthday. That is a little cheaper and closer and I can take my dog so I don’t have to worry about boarding fees. I wanted to do something different because we (my dog and I) did that last year.

Asheville wasn’t supposed to happen next May anyway, but I got really excited looking at their cabin. I just looked again. I see they now have Wi-Fi. It still isn’t booked on my birthday so we’ll see. I don’t know. I might have to make Asheville happen. The cabin is so gorgeous. I’ll share a few pics on this blog if I ever book the place.

*********Please excuse the look of the following. I have no idea what is going on with WordPress*********

This week I…

Music of the week: Ellie Goulding, Alanis Morissette, Jewel, Sara Bareilles, Sam Smith, Borns, Demi Lovato, Marina & the Diamonds

After giving Ellie Goulding’s latest a full week, I love it. It isn’t that different from her previous music. But Ellie and the fans say otherwise. Clearly I’m missing something. So far I give it a B+.

TV of the week:  Lost (season 5), Republican debate

Season five is where Lost got lost in case anyone wants to know.

Movie of the week:   The True Cost – A documentary about sweatshops and how they make clothes for mainly American consumers. They brought up H&M a lot. It just reinforced the idea that I own too many pieces of clothes and I don’t need to buy any more. I didn’t know about all the sweatshops fires that happened recently. Apparently it made news here, but I must have missed it somehow.

This is more of a note for me and is not directly related to the movie: Dillards’ has the best juniors section. Better than Macy’s and Nordstroms. Hands down. How did I not know this?  (Uh, because I never go to Dillards). And they even have clothes made in America in the juniors section. If I ever want new clothes, I’m going there first. The Top Shop section of Nordstroms is nice. I drooled over the clothes, but I bought nothing.  I know people would say I’m too old to shop in the juniors section, but I look 15 so I can get away with it.

Who needs Stich Fix when you can just go to Dillards? Seriously, Stitch Fix is awesome for busy people, anyone who hates clothes shopping, moms etc. I do plan to try them in the future.

This is soooo not about movies! Sorry. One movie note: I still want to see Spotlight really bad. It isn’t opening here until November 20th. Go to the gym or to the movies? I don’t know.

NaNoWriMo update: 1,009 words. #fail

Books of the week:  I’m focusing on library books:

Planner update:  

plans of the week
plans of the week

This brokenness inside me might start healing

I’ve been crying. Weeping. It all started when I learned of Stuart Scott’s passing. I was taking an online test when the news broke so I didn’t know until I got on Twitter. I can’t stop crying. And I don’t know why. Yeah, I used to fall asleep to him, Letterman or cable news every night. It depended on what was going on. But I never considered myself a huge fan. He is SportsCenter to me. Ever since I’ve been watching, he’s been there. I don’t know anything else.

I was devastated to learn he had a rare form of cancer. I’d be happy to see him on ESPN. That meant he was doing somewhat okay, right? I’m so sad he passed. I guess I’m heartbroken over the unfairness of it all. He was the best dad, a great friend and mentor. He fought so hard against this cancer. He didn’t give up. He’s an inspiration to me. RIP.

————-

I’m awaiting my 2015 planner. I tried Evernote and other apps but I don’t like using them so I’m going back to my old ways. Paper and pen. I don’t use my planners as a to do list that often. I use it more as a what I did that day. I can’t wait to get it…I usually just pick up something from the drugstore or WalMart. I’m not that picky when it comes to planners but this year I decided to try something different. I decided to go with Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map Planner. The 2015 version is sold out but they are selling planners where you can fill in the date (link above).

Some people really get into their planners. Just check out Youtube. I’m glad I’m not the only one. I kind of wish I had gotten a Plum Planner. You can customize them. But usually I can make any planner work. Maybe next year I will get a Plum planner. I think I have to. I keep looking at their website.

Instead of doing Project Life, I will probably just use my planner, paper journal and my computer to document things. I do have enough material to do another Project Life album so I may change my mind. But I don’t think I want to devote time to PL.

——-

I have 3 days off in May (right before my bday). I’m planning on doing the same thing I did in 2013. I went to the state park and spent 2 days there in a cabin. No TV or internet. Just peace and quiet. Well, I will have some of my music and I’m planning on taking a few DVDs. lol. So days off from work…check! Next is reserving the cabin. I would love to go for 3 nights but that’s $300. So I’m thinking about 2 nights for $200. I’m so scared someone is going to book it before I do. If I had the money, I would book it NOW. I like a particular cabin. I have to have that cabin. It is far away from everyone and everything.

The only thing I don’t like is that I have to bring all my food from home. Last time I drove 20 minutes to a restaurant and that wasn’t a good experience. If I wanted to drive an hour, I could have a lot of options for food but I’d rather stay in.

Dogs are allowed but…ARGH! I would love to take B there one day but I can’t see him being good in the car…or the cabin. It is almost 2 hours away. So I’m  leaning towards boarding him. I just don’t know how he would react to a new place. What if all his house training goes out the window? Can’t have that.

Speaking of my dog, I have to leave him for about 3 hours tomorrow. I’m so worried about what I will come back to.

Spirit Indestructible

I’m going to be my own best friend

A week from today at this time I will be on my way to Mexico City or in Mexico waiting for my plane to Oaxaca, Mexico. HOPEFULLY. 😉 I’m in the process of packing everything I can. I’m pretty much backpacking in Oaxaca. I’m not taking anything extra. I’m only taking one extra outfit and I will have what I’m wearing. If they tell me I have to check my luggage, I will not be happy. (understatement). All I have is an almost kid sized suitcase and a laptop bag. I shouldn’t have to check anything. I will have to repack at the airport, if they won’t let me carry my stuff on.

All this talk of airports is making me nervous. I’m taking my Kindle yet I’m still taking at least 2 paperback books with me. I would take more but I’m “backpacking”. On my kindle I have The Oath: The Obama White House and the Supreme Court. My paperback book is a true crime book (my fave) – Fatal Vision. I also have 1 audio book: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown. Three nonfiction books. So much for reading more fiction books. I guess I’m just a nonfiction girl these days. Fatal Vision is 684 pages!!! I need that book on my kindle. I can’t believe I’m taking it but I need something fast paced to take on the plane. I am also taking one travel guide paperback book. I also have one travel guide on my kindle. That should be enough.

I’m sort of toying with the idea of booking a hotel. eeeek! I have a hostel booked (private room). I only had to put $15 down, I pay the other $139 when I get there. So if I go somewhere else I’m not really losing a lot. However, the hotel costs $220. That isn’t bad for 4 nights but I’m already nuts for going. When would be the right time to go? When I’m unemployed? When I have this much money or that much? When I have no debt? When I feel like I have job security? (ROFL). That is why I decided to seize this brief moment. People at my company are being laid off left and right. I was considering waiting until I get laid off but even that isn’t guaranteed. (NO I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE MY JOB!!! and no I have not gotten a layoff notice – Thank Buddha) If I had waited until I wasn’t working, I could’ve spent more than 3 1/4 days there. I did consider that.

I also think I won’t live past 50 so why not do what I want to do despite logic and money? Do it now. If I do live for a while, I am seriously thinking about retiring in Mexico (not Mexico City but Oaxaca or somewhere near there – there are so many wonderful cities there, hard to pick). This trip will have a lot to do with this decision. If I fall in love, I will start planning as soon as I get back. I’m not joking.

Hopefully I will be able to keep my job at least until my house is sold and I’m in a townhouse. Anyhow, I’m glad I’m taking this risky chance. It might backfire but I won’t know that before I go. 😉 At least I will have this experience. I’ve made major mistakes (like buying a house) and I didn’t know they were mistakes until years later. Some things I don’t know if they were mistakes or not (like going to my 3rd choice college when I could have gone to 2 others but I couldn’t afford them without high interest loans so I went with my 3rd choice). So who knows anything? Yeah, that pretty much sums up life. Or my life, at least.

I don’t think I’m booking a hotel even though it is in a prime location. Next time I go, I will stay there. For now a hostel makes more sense. Plus all the reviewers on trip advisor say it is more like a hotel than a hostel. That is why I picked it. Also the hostel has free wi-fi, the hotel has no wi-fi. But the hotel has an ironing board…..Okay, I’ll stop now. heh.

———–

Due to my uncle having malignant cancer, my grandmother moved in temporarily. She has Alzheimer’s. Um, this has been a challenge to say the least. Remember I work at home so…yeah.  I really don’t know how caretakers of parents do it. It must be so exhausting. Anyhow, my situation could be worst so I’m thankful it isn’t. I had no idea this was going to happen. I do feel bad for being gone for 5 whole days next week. I won’t be any help. I feel bad that she is downstairs by herself when I’m upstairs working. I think she really wants to go back home. 😦 I feel so bad but I’m doing what I can. That is all I can do.

Blow me one last kiss

You’re going to Mexico by yourself?!”

Me: Yep!

During my lunch hour, I showered*,  somehow managed to take my passport picture at Walgreens and then went to the post office and officially applied for my passort. I came back from lunch 1 minute late. Amazing. I received my ‘certificate of live birth’ on Monday at 10:45AM. It was ON after that. Fast thinking. I didn’t think I was going to be able to do all that in 1 hour. There was a couple (mom & daughter) in the passport office in front of me. I thought I was doomed. They were laughing and joking with the passport officer. Eventually they left. And guess what? He made me laugh to! 😉 They were also going to Mexico. Viva Mexico! I bet they aren’t going in less than a month…cause they seem like sane folk.

(*I work at home so I usually shower during breaks or lunch).

Okay. So according to the passport guy, I should get my passport by October 9. My flight to Mexico is on October 20. How crazy is all this? ARGH! There are so many things I have to do. I can’t even think about everything. I just want my passport. That is the most important thing. If I don’t get it in time, I don’t go.

Breathe.

I have to do this. I have to research that. I have to learn the numbers in Spanish past 30. Yeah, I can only get to 30. So instead of getting a break from anything, I’m adding more to my plate. I have to go to work the very next day when I come back! I get back at 9PM. How tired and worn out will I be? I hope I’m excited and thrilled but most people need a vacation after the vacation and after a long ass flight, I think working the next day will be tough. But I will.

I guess I’m going to Oaxaca, Mexico! 🙂 I don’t know. LOL. I’m only going to be there for 3 days.  The 2 other days are full travel. yay. (sarcasm). I don’t really plan out stuff but of course there are things I want to do. I’m going to try to make myself go out of my comfort zone each day. It will be nothing major. I will not venture too far out since I don’t have much time.

I’ve always wanted to go to Mexico. That has been my dream since I knew Mexico existed. Then I did a lot of research and decided on Oaxaca. It is the craft center of the world so of course I was drawn to it. They also have very good food. They happen to be known for their coffee and guess who can’t drink coffee? Me. Guess who LOVES coffee? Me. How will I resist? I probably will have a sip or two. I will also take medicine with me (TONS of everything 😉 …just in case even though there is a drug store near where I will be).

I feel so overwhelmed but who wouldn’t be if they were going out of the country on short notice? Oh yeah, I booked the hostel. I have a private room with a private bathroom en suite.

I still don’t know what to do about getting pesos. I don’t feel comfortable waiting until I get to Mexico because I have to pay the taxi driver as soon as I get off the plane. The one thing I do know is that you shouldn’t exchange money at the airport. What a learning experience this will be! I have never flown and I’m about to take SIX flights in a 5 day period. Is that nuts or what?

Don’t get me started on the checked luggage thing. I’m flying US Airways for the most part and their policy sucks. If I knew for sure I could buy luggage in Mexico I would wait until I get there so I would only have to deal with checked luggage on the way back. But what if I can’t find a suitcase to purchase? Doomed. I’m not taking much of anything so I don’t really need to take a suitcase down there. However, I do plan on buying stuff in Oaxaca (Hello! Crafts!). I will have to have a suitcase on the way back. I don’t know what to do about this…………..I know shipping stuff back to the US is not a great option which is too bad because I will be near a post office.

Btw, this trip is way more expensive then I’d planned. I would not recommend others in my situation do this. It would only cause stress. I know having expectations is bad but I really do hope this trip is worth it. I honestly don’t think I’m going to feel like all this money is worth it (but I hope so – that would mean the trip was life altering or something…). I know Oaxaca is great, beautiful etc. But it is hard to justify the cost.

But as of right now, I may not be going anywhere. Another thing is that I didn’t know I would have homework for my jewelry class so I’m trying to do that, work and plan for Mexico. I’m a little ashamed to admit this but I’m now addicted to Project Life and I try to do that daily. Some of that is good because it involves journaling. The other parts I need to leave alone. I can’t wait to do a huge layout for my Mexico trip. 🙂

I guess I should go.

Mercy

I don’t know where to begin. WHAT A CLUSTERFUCK. That sounds right.

I might have made a mistake. I booked my flight to Oaxaca, Mexico…without having a passport. I read the directions wrong. I thought a birth certificate would be needed. It makes sense, right? But when I went to the passport page I read a driver’s license OR a birth certificate. WRONG. Now I could be screwed. Of course I don’t have an official copy of my birth certificate. Of course I’m not living where I was born. That would be easy. Nope, I have to go through mail. And hope they actually send the birth certificate.

I paid $50.00 for them to rush it. The problem is that I couldn’t remember how my dad’s name is on my birth certificate. I didn’t know whether he used his real legal name (he didn’t) or his um, other name. To make this short, if I don’t get my birth certificate ASAP through the mail, I won’t be able to get a rushed passport and I will not be able to go to Oaxaca on October 20.

I panicked and brought the plane ticket because there were only 9 seats left on one of the planes. So I thought BOOK NOW! And I foolishly did. I could be screwed.

In a way this is a relief. At least I’m not panicking about Mexico this and that like I was last night. Now I might not even be going. Why did I book the flight for October? Because that is the only guaranteed time I have off. Our workplace is limiting time off starting soon. I may not be able to get 3-4 days off in a row again. A week off? ROFL!!! 😉

So I decided to foolishly seize the moment and now I might not go due to administrative reasons. rah. rah. I do have travel protection but I’m pretty sure not having a passport is NOT covered. 😦 😦 Did I just waste a bunch of credit? FUCK. Like I said I’m relieved to not have to think Mexico, Mexico, Mexico but I do have to think Mexico, Mexico, Mexico….just not right now. I can’t do anything without a birth certificate. I’m not paying another dime for anything. Not even the hostel until I get my passport application in.

If I can’t go to Mexico, maybe I could go to Texas (1st choice) or Florida (blah choice) for around the same price? Maybe they would let me switch my flight around. I have no idea. I have never been on an airplane in my life.  I don’t know anything about how that kind of travel works. I wish I could just get my money back but I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Sometimes I feel like I’m bipolar due to these decisions I make. I’m 99% sure I’m not but look at this mess. I feel like a normal  person would not have done this.

Well I have jewelry class tonight. Gotta go.

Oh, and congratulations to Ian for winning Big Brother 14. He has anxiety issues.  (social anxiety, maybe OCD) He overcame and he won! Thrilled for him.

Looking for paradise

To my surprise my Jewelry class is officially ON! Thursday night is the first class. This should be interesting.

If I do go to Mexico in March, it looks like I will have to stay in a hostel. The good hotels and B&Bs are already booked. Fortunately I found the #1 hostel in Oaxaca, Mexico…and it still has a private room available! 🙂 No cancellation though so if I can’t go, I’m out of about $200.00 for four nights. I won’t have to take a taxi anywhere. Everything is in walking distance from the hostel (except the airport, which is 10 minutes away).

Ummm, I didn’t know that hostels didn’t have locks on their doors. I’m glad I’d already decided not to take my laptop. I will have a private room so maybe there is a chance for a lock on the door?? Is that really a lot to ask for? I don’t think so but I’m not a world traveler or anything. I guess it makes sense when 4 or 8 people are in a room not to have a lock but a private room not having a lock? Okay, I’ll have to get over that. This hostel does have places to lock your stuff but I’d rather have my stuff in my room, you know?

Here is a pic of the private room:
Photos of Hostel Don Nino, Oaxaca
This photo of Hostel Don Nino is courtesy of TripAdvisor

Look at the bookshelf I won’t be using! :/ I’m not being sarcastic. I love that a hostel room has a bookshelf but I will only be there for 3 full days (IF I go at all). I’d rather have a hotel room but in Oaxaca nothing seems to guarantee quiet so a hostel is just as good as a hotel. At least I’ll have a private bathroom.

One more thing: I completely forgot until today that I will be in school during March of 2013. Ha. Delusional? ME? I don’t even have a passport yet. lol. Oh and my Spanish is at a 1st grade level. Ha. Now or never. If delusional gets me to Mexico for a few days, then fine.

I know what flight I’m taking. That was the easy part. The hardest was finding a good place to stay with a vacancy. My goal for 2012 is to book everything (except the flight), get my passport etc. I’m going to do most things at the last minute since everything is so up in the air. What if I were to have a new job in March and unable to take any time off? Things like that. I will try to delay the booking of the flight until at least January. But I will go through with the passport thing before then. I’m going to book the hostel in October or November. There are only 2 private rooms, I should book NOW…sigh.

————–

I now know where I got my scrapbooking/photo album ways from! My dad has kept photo albums just like Project Life for decades. He keeps moving from state to state and to country to country so it is hard for him to keep up with heavy albums these days. In fact, he sent me a couple of them to keep for him. Like most of the things I like (besides sports) I got it from my dad. Anyhow, I think the best thing about PL is that I will be journaling daily and placing it in the book. I journal sporadically in my paper journal and when I do journal, I never write about “what I did today”. So PL will change that. Sometimes I have to come back to this blog to find out when something happened!

I have pics of course! Project Life pics:

12×12 photo album

I haven’t had a 12×12 album since I was 13. I forgot how big they were. This one is already heavy. I have put all my stuff from the 2010-2012 album in this one. I like the album but I’m definitely getting a leather one for 2013. It seems more sturdy. I’m sure this one will be fine for now.

the cherry edition set

Photo album with journaing cards. *swoon* I’m getting the turquoise edition for 2013.

my first page

The blank space is for the picture of me being oh so happy to get Project Life. LOL.

incomplete

I had to put that Michelle Obama ticket somewhere. I’m glad I thought about my dad doing this. It feels more special now. Here is to doing (my own version of) Project Life for the rest of my life. I hope 2013 includes tons of pics of my trip to Mexico. 🙂

spiral

I typed everything below the line PRIOR to everything up here. I typed what is below before I knew my cousin died last night. I typed it before I visited my uncle.

Before my mom told me about my cousin, I knew it was serious. I thought she was going to say my dog died. This is the son of my uncle who didn’t have health insurance and is now paying the price for it. I don’t want to say anymore here. Not my place. I just had to mention my cousin. We had classes together in junior high. In fact we had classes together all morning in 6th grade.  We were the same age. 😦

Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse. We went to my uncle’s house. He is under hospice care and in pain. I hope it isn’t always like this. 😦 😦 I didn’t say this in my last post about him but he is like a father to me (in a awkward non-talking way). No offense to my real dad.

I should probably do a month long internet sabbatical starting tomorrow…as if that will solve anything.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

The layoffs are happening. One person in my department with my job was laid off. I was very lucky to not be THE ONE. But I do feel that I am next. So I’m bracing myself. At first I planned to (finally) go to Oaxaco, Mexico as soon as I’m no longer working but I have responsibilities (to myself and others). Yeah that sucks. :/ So Mexico will not be happening unless I have a job in March of 2013…and I lose my mind, then I might go! I even filled out my passport form and was going to put a rush on it so I could go in October. (!!!) I only have 3 days off (plus the weekend so that makes 5 days) but if anyone can do Mexico in a short time frame, it would be me.

Back to reality. If I still have my job in March and nothing else major happens, I might consider going then. October is still hurricane season. How could I forget? There is no way I could visit then. Even without hurricanes, it is rain season. Anyhow, I still have my passport form ready to go. I just need the picture, the money and to go to the post office to apply. So…who knows what might happen? I sort of feel like now or never. But having a place to live is more important to me but as long as my house doesn’t sell, there’s nothing I can do about that. I can’t rent anything and still pay my mortgage. Stuck.

Back to the layoffs. Scary. There is one thing that separates me from the person who will be laid off. One thing. That could have easily been me if something hadn’t gotten switched around. By no means do I feel safe AT ALL. But I can’t dwell too much on it. It causes the worse anxiety. I’m also really concern about what I would do for health insurance.

————–

Since I decided not to go to Mexico next month, I decided to finish 2012 with Project Life.  Well, first I made a deal with myself that I had to pay off my credit card before buying anything and I did. I already have a vision/dream/scrap book for 2010-2012 but I’ve been obsessing over the Project Life products in unhealthy ways. When something gets on my mind like that, I know I have to do it or I will keep obsessing. I didn’t go all out and buy the most expensive stuff  because 2012 is almost over plus it isn’t necessary but I really wanted the core products for my first time. 😉 After the novelty has worn off I will go the non product line route for some things because it is cheaper.

I’m basically just combining what I already have to the Project Life concept. In 2013, I hope to make more of PL by doing more new things like cooking one dish a month or visiting a new place every month or just exploring my current city. I’m using PL as a way to have new experiences. Experiences = Life.  I don’t know how I feel with always having a camera around though.

What I ordered is coming on Monday. Way too excited! 😉 I’m finally doing a 12×12 book. woohoo!

———-

So far my jewelry class has not been cancelled. I am very nervous. Class is supposed to start this Thursday night.

I need to take an internet sabbatical. Maybe I will do it for a week starting Sept 23. However, I will use my Kindle Fire apps for email, and to read twitter (the way I get most news these days). But no browsing the web. The hardest thing for me will be not compulsively checking the library site to see which books are available. I wish there was an app for that. 🙂 They only update the site about once a month and if you don’t get the good books when they 1st appear on the site, you will have a long wait. I might make a check-that-site-once-a-day exception. And I hope John Mayer doesn’t do anything because it will be hard not to want to update my Mayer blog.

I need to get away from the internet. Sept 23 – Sept 30 seems perfect. I plan to get more reading done, spend more time outside, make jewelry, organize my project life binder through August 2012, get all my business calls and letters taken care of, think of and create a way to live in such a small space, journal daily and just enjoy disconnecting. I would fully plan my trip to Mexico (again – heh) but I need the internet for that. The guidebooks can only get me so far.

A week without Amazon.com? OH NOZ!!!!!!!!