Not hitting the mute button

COUNTDOWN: 10 days until my beach vacay. 🙂

I signed up for 4 weeks of Hello Fresh. I get my first two meals on Tuesday. Two meals is enough food for 4 people. So really it’s four meals for me. It’s not the most cost-effective thing, but I do get $20 off for the first 4 weeks, and then I’m canceling. I’m going to eat on $4 a day after I’m done with this meal delivery service, there’s NO WAY I’m going to spend full price on Hello Fresh. That’s out of my comfort zone. I can eat a baked potato and salad for less than $3. That’s more in my price range. I hate wasting money on food.

Too bad a lot of the meals I wanted are spicy. I can’t do spicy, so I ended up picking meatloaf, tilapia, chicken, and burgers for my first two weeks. Well, I will be on vacation for the second week so I will be skipping one week. I’m glad that’s allowed. Anyway, this will get me cooking. Most of the meals seem doable for a beginner, BUT I might have to buy supplies. I don’t cook so I don’t have shit! I have a small pan for scrambled eggs and a microwave. 🙂

I have a simple meal plan for after Nutrisystem. Here goes:

  • Breakfast: Biscotti and scrambled eggs
  • Lunch: Bar and yogurt or small turkey burger and yogut or a big yogurt parfait
  • Dinner: medium baked potato with a salad, tacos with a salad

I need more dinner options. I will probably end up eating a baked potato (carbs…ugh!) on most days. Tacos will probably happen once or twice a week. My favorite foods are tacos, pasta, and eggs. 🙂 I would love to be able to make pasta, but I know I would eat it too much, so I will probably never learn to make it. Back to dinner options – I will probably add fish (salmon and tilapia) and chicken eventually.

Yoga. Not great. I like the studio and the teacher. However, the teacher did not do the poses. I HATE THAT. She called out all the poses. Even if I knew all the poses, it was sometimes hard to hear her over the music. I’d heard of about 60% of the poses, but I haven’t done ‘hardcore’ yoga in about 7 years. I’m so glad I didn’t buy a pass. So glad. I’m not going back. Before I go to another yoga studio, maybe I should call and ask whether the teacher does the poses. ???

For now, I’m going to do yoga outside in the backyard. All the yoga studios are downtown and ugh, parking. Plus, I don’t want to pay $20 to $25 for a walk-in class. So I’ll just do it free outside until I want to challenge myself. It’ll be exciting to try to learn all the poses. Maybe that will be a goal for this summer.

Therapy. She told me to stop watching the news! LOL. What?? Okay, I have cut down on my news watching by about 60%. I’m a news junkie, so I feel a little out of sorts. As in, WTF is going on? I’m still keeping up with election 2020. That is the only thing I really care about anyway. She also told me not to watch reality TV because it feeds the idea that people are evil. ROFL. Uh, it’s reality. Duh. Too freaking funny. I haven’t watched reality TV at all this week, but I am right now. Haha.

She also was the one that gave me the debt advice. :/ I’m still bummed about that. See last entry. One correction: I said that I never missed paying a bill, but I did foreclose on my house about 9 or 10 years ago. However, I got a shitty loan that Becky wouldn’t have gotten. Becky is someone with money, btw. I think the loan I got is illegal now or they should be so I don’t feel bad at all about that. Not sorry.

I do feel a little bit better about what I’m doing because it is necessary for me to get to the next level. I have to stop using credit cards. I pulled The Star (from tarot) on how to deal with this first month or creditors calling me, getting emails, and maybe being threatned with lawsuits (kill me now). The Star is about self healing. I’ll just quote what Biddy Tarot says on this card:

As the Star follows the Tower card in the Tarot, it comes as a welcome reprieve after a period of destruction and turmoil. You have endured many challenges and stripped yourself bare of any limiting beliefs that have previously held you back. You are realising your core essence, who you are beneath all the layers. No matter what life throws your way, you know that you are always connected to the Divine and pure loving energy. You hold a new sense of self, a new appreciation for the core of your Being.


The Star brings renewed hope and faith, and a sense that you are truly blessed by the Universe. You are entering a peaceful, loving phase in your life, filled with calm energy, mental stability and more in-depth understanding of both yourself and others around you. This is a time of significant personal growth and development as you are now ready to receive the many blessings of the Universe.

biddy tarot.com

This is the best card I could have pulled! I felt hopeful after pulling that. I don’t always trust tarot which is something a tarot reader never says, but recently I’ve learned that tarot is fucking magical. I believe it it now more than I ever have. But I still don’t want to read full-time. I want to do astrology.

So yeah, therapy is going okay. I’m still getting charged full price, BUT they refund me the money about 3 weeks later. Sigh. Even though I’m doing overtime, my finances aren’t great, so I’m worried about always being charged full price. What if I don’t have $80 in the bank at that time? (I would have the copay of $25 in the bank or I would cancel the appointment). I’m in the process of switching banks for the first time ever! So I have to switch everything over ASAP. Double sigh. I will have to withdraw all the money from the ATM because I’m not going inside the bank. I will have a bunch of $20 bills to take to the new bank. It might be about $900!! That’s not suspicious at all. LOL. They wouldn’t let me transfer all my money online. They only allowed $350. Not sure why.

Not much to say about election 2020. I said I didn’t mind a big crowd of people running, but now I believe this is the end of Marianne Williamson. 😦 MSNBC and CNN won’t have more than 20 people on the debate stage. So Marianne can’t make it because she has to be at 1% in three polls due to about 25 people running. This sucks. When people poll the people over the phone, they don’t even mention Marianne. Dammit. Reality sucks.

Biden, Warren, Harris, Sanders, and Buttigieg are currently in the lead. Sorry, that’s not in order. Warren is the only one not beating Trump. She’s at 47%. He gets 48%. But this is too early and doesn’t really matter. People thought Obama wasn’t electable and I think he was president. Not sure. Anyway, MSNBC is loving on Buttigieg a little too much. I like him also, but geez. Beto is finally doing cable news. He must have read my post about him. 😉 Oh, and DeBlasio will probably run. Great. I used to really like him. Now he’s so-so like Corey Booker. He’s not as horrible as Biden. But not ideal.

This week I…

Music of the week: Beyonce, Mariah Carey, Victory, Sara Bareilles, Lissie, Jannelle Monae, Maggie Rogers, Marren Morris

TV of the week:  NBA Playoffs, How to Get Away With Murder

Podcasts of the week: All In with Chris Hayes, Pod Save America, Tarot for the Wild Soul, The Astrology Podcast, The Jim Fortin Podcast, True Crime Garage

Books of the week: Now reading – 

Weekend Plans: Working overtime. I’m exhausted, but I’m loving the extra money, so I can’t complain. I’m going grocery shopping. I will probably buy a few supplies for the Hello Fresh meals. I don’t think I need much. I can just use my mom’s stuff. I prefer to have my own, and I used to, but over many moves, I’ve lost almost all my kitchen stuff.

What else? I have to pack for my beach trip. Not a big deal. Most of my stuff is packed, but I never unpacked from Los Angeles, so everything is mixed up. I have a lot of school work to do. I’m trying to figure out what I want to take with me to the beach as far as stuff to do. I didn’t want to do work, but I probably will do school work. I wanted to just read for fun, but that probably won’t happen. I just want to relax. At least, I don’t have to do real work.

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend. 🙂

The clouds are still here

COUNTDOWN: 19 days until my beach birthday vacation 🙂

I like the large print on this site, but I wonder how it looks on phones. I still can’t believe people go to websites on their phones! I only do it if I have no choice. But I know from my tarot site that people do visit on mobile browsers. Anyway, I wanted something basic, and purple is my favorite color, so here we go. I hate the red on this site, but I don’t know how to get rid of it. Have I mentioned that this blog is now at anotherparade.com? 🙂 But feel free to keep visiting the old address. Same site at both addresses.

I’m all for college being free and all. BUT I went to a community college for two years on scholarship and then went to a cheaper university for 3 years to lower my costs. (If I hadn’t changed my major, I would have only done 2 years at the university). If someone CHOOSES to go to a high priced college… WTF? Do you know how much better my life could be if I had gone to a more expensive school? I really wanted to go. I got accepted to the school. I could have gone. But I was smart enough to know I didn’t want school loans forever. C’mon people!! People act like they are entitled to go to any school they want and have no side effects. Ten years from now, college might be a right, but the last time I checked America doesn’t do it that way.

In the future, when college may be free, some people may not be able to go very far for school. Where are they going to live? I had a loan for that, and I went without food during the last days because my loans and financial aid ran out. I mean, I ate something once a day, but I couldn’t eat any of the cafeteria food that I really loved.

No one ever taught me about finances, but I could figure out going to an expensive college wasn’t smart. I knew that at 10 years old when I was thinking of becoming a veterinarian. Is all this fair? OF COURSE NOT. People without money always get screwed. It’s the American way.

And on a different topic, I guess people in prison should be allowed to vote. Maine and Vermont already allow it so why not do it for everyone else?

I have my second therapy appointment in about an hour. OH! The insurance company said I should only have to pay the copay. That’s great news, right? However, I also got TWO letters saying the service is not covered. So which is correct? SIGH!!! I still don’t know whether therapy is covered, but I did look at the benefit book, and it says video/online treatment is covered as long as I use the right company to pick a therapist from and of course I did. Besides, I don’t know of other companies that offer REAL online therapy. Meaning Talkspace and companies like that. I’ve read horror stories about how bad the therapy is on those sites.

In conclusion, I still have no idea whether this therapy is covered.

Election 2020: Buttigieg appears to be more moderate than I like. Damn. But I have high standards. It’s also very convenient that people are trying to say he’s racist. Yes, the white GAY man must be racist, and that’s why you don’t like him. 😉 I have no idea why the black police chief (sergeant or whoever) had to leave his job. Really odd. I’m curious, and I want facts.

Btw, a lot of people are racist. I’m sure some of the Dems running for president are racist. I just accept that as a given. I know some are annoyed by “identity politics.” Sanders admitted it about 6 months ago. Now he knows better than to say that shit out loud. I bet Biden is SICK of hearing about women and the crime bill and Anita Hill and blah, blah, blah. I bet he is so over it, but I have no proof.

At least Beto apologized for being white. ROFL. I’m joking. Well, Beto and others have sort of apologized for being white males. White people don’t need to go around being ashamed to be white (not that many even think about being white). I don’t mean to give anyone a pass, but is it Biden’s, Buttigieg’s, or Sanders’ fault that they are getting more media coverage than most of the women? I think it’s a HUGE mistake for Beto not to give press to cable news. He’ll learn the hard way. You can’t run for president as you ran for the Senate. Oh, and I loved how Sanders was groaned at by women of color when he mentioned marching with MLK Jr. I’m so glad I’m not the only one sick of that story. I’ve seen the pictures. I know the story. Um, good for him?

One more thing – Marianne Williamson has raised 1.2 million dollars! That is more than some of the men already in DC!! But she still doesn’t have enough people donating to be in the debate. I think she’ll get there. She has the money, but not enough supporters.

Wait…another thing. Some people are pissed that Biden used Charlottesville in his announcement. Especially people in Virginia. Sigh. When I heard rumors he was going to be talking about Charlottesville, I knew that that was going to be a mistake. I didn’t know that was going to be the whole freaking announcement! Only the Biden lovers were so in love with that announcement. A person in the media said it made her cry. Oh please! Don’t exploit Charlottesville. This is how people get called ‘out of touch,’ but whatever. Carry on.

In case, you’re new here, I usually do one LONG post a week. I used to blog about 3-4 times a week, but due to work, online classes and trying to start a business I can’t post that often so I always post here once a week.

This week I…

Music of the week: Beyonce, Jess Glynne, Jussie Smollett, Matt Nathanson, Tori Kelly, Ariana Grande, Sara Bareilles, Taylor Swift

I thought Taylor Swift was releasing an album. All this hype for a single? 😦 Okay, I’ll wait for the album. Her albums are hit or miss, so I know not to be too excited.

TV of the week:  NBA Playoffs, How to Get Away With Murder

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Pod Save America, The Lowe Post, The Water Trio, Living Open

Books of the week: Now reading – 

Weekend Plans: Uh, a lot. Working overtime on Saturday. My dog’s birthday is on Sunday, so we’re going to the park. I want to take my astrology test, but that’s not required. I have to take notes on another astrology class I’m taking. I want to get back into yoga desperately, so I’m going to do it in the backyard because it’s hard to find a class that fits my schedule. I wanted to blog more about yoga, but this post is so long!

I have to clean up and move things around because I had to buy a portable AC. $$$ It’s been 95 degrees in here, but only 85 outside. I kid you not! So I had to do something. I hope to get it installed by Monday or Tuesday.

I have therapy in 20 minutes. LOL. Instead of focusing on that, I’m doing this blog post. Anyway, thanks so much for reading. Have a great weekend! 🙂

Not waiting anymore

I have to do a 500-word book review for my tarot class. I haven’t done a book review in over 2 decades. WTF? And what’s up with the 500 words? This is for a certification, so I feel like I have to do this. What would happen if I did 350 words? Would she not certify me? Once I complete the class, I get to say in my bio that I completed 20 hours of advanced tarot…blah, blah, blah.

I had to google how to write a book review. I only found 2 useful links. Most of the links were on how to do book reviews for blogs and advice for teenagers. LOL. 500 words? Can I even do it? All through school and college, I never made word count. I’m blunt and to the point (except on here). I can’t fake it and just write sentences that don’t mean anything.

About therapy and insurance. Groan. I never make phone calls, but I’ve made several calls because I really like this therapist. I was charged $80 for the 45-minute online visit. According to two people, I will get my money back (yeah, right) minus the copay. I don’t care about that visit. I already paid. I care about future visits. My next appointment is April 26.

I even emailed them. The email said that the diagnosis wasn’t covered. Huh? Due to the Affordable Care Act, mental health is treated decently if you have full benefits. My previous diagnosis was generalized anxiety disorder and major depression. The new therapist gave me a diagnosis of social anxiety and major depression. Sigh. There’s NO WAY social anxiety isn’t covered, right?? I have never heard of that.

One more thing I like about the therapist is she says I don’t have to have friends. FUCKING Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about. 🙂 🙂 She says there are things society tells you to have like sex, but she doesn’t believe in all that. This is why I really, really, like her and I’ve been making thousands of phone calls.

So I guess I have to wait and see. I keep checking my credit card bill to see if I’ve been refunded, but she did say it could take 14-30 days. I just want to know if therapy is covered. I need everyone on the same page. SCREAM.

Election 2020: Marianne Williamson town hall in DC will be at 6PM EST instead of at 7PM because CNN is thinking the Mueller Report will be released Sunday night. What if the report comes out at 2PM and the whole town hall is cancelled?? Please NO! It’s on Sunday, April 14th. I’ll be watching for sure. 😉

Pete Buttigieg is doing well in the places that matter. He’s #3 in Iowa or New Hampshire. Or both. I’m not sure how he’s doing nationally. I think he is top 5 or 6 right now. I like him. I’ve listened to him talk policy A LOT this week. I’m kind of sick of him at this moment. But yes, I’d vote for him. Oh, and he should just leave Mike Pence alone. People know he’s bigoted when it comes to gays. Next.

Joe Biden is #1 nationally. :/ Kamala is still doing well. BUT Biden is beating Kamala in her state of California. Not good. Elizabeth Warren keeps talking and introducing new policy. If it weren’t for the Native American thing, I think she’d be doing a little better, but honestly the men are getting more media coverage. Kamala was hanging in there at one point.

So many people are running. It doesn’t really bother me because I know people will start dropping off. One person already dropped out. The first debate in June won’t be as good as debates usually are because so many people are running. How can they really get into policy with 10 people on the stage? I think MSNBC is doing 10 people for one hour and 10 people for the second hour. Ugh. Not much time for each candidate. Don’t quote me on this. I read about this debate format a while ago, I don’t know if they are sticking to that. They can’t have 20 people on the stage at the same time.

This week I…

Music of the week: Lissie, India.Arie, Rachel Platten, Maggie Rogers, Sara Bareilles, Ariana Grande, Christina Aguilera, Jussie Smollett

TV of the week:  April Madness, Vanderpump Rules, Survivor

UVA won the National Championship!! It was amazing. 🙂 I’m still excited.

I wanted to talk about the drinking on shows like Vanderpump Rules. I don’t understand why the people on the show can’t understand that drinking leads to most of their problems. Most of these people aren’t alcoholics. Can they not drink when they go out? If alcohol, is causing you to do stupid shit, stop drinking!! I would never say this to someone with an addiction. Obviously. It’s just so strange to watch people say, “I don’t know why I acted that way.” Uh, because you were drunk!! Hello??! It drives me insane to see the same people questioning their behavior and pretending not to know it’s about alcohol.

Podcasts of the week: So You Wanna Be a Witch, The Jim Fortin Podcast, Why is this Happening, The Bill Simmons Podcast, The Lowe Post, The Ringer NBA Show, The Russillo Show, True Crime Garage

I’ve been listening to a lot of NBA podcasts because Magic Johnson quit the Lakers job! Wow. I don’t blame him. He obviously didn’t like the job. Go have fun. The NBA playoffs are going to be so weird without either of my teams. No Lakers. No Washington Wizards. 😦 I will probably only watch 20% of the playoffs. I’m sure the games will be good, but I don’t care who wins.

Books of the week: Now reading – 

Weekend Plans: Not really sure. I don’t think I’m leaving my house because there are two big events going on and it will be hard to get around the city. I do plan on walking my dog. The weather has been so nice. I’m loving it. I go on vacation for my birthday in 31 days. Woohoo! I have my very cheap sunglasses and my on sale sandals ready to go.

I’m mostly reading, doing therapy related stuff, and working on astrology and tarot stuff. I’ve been doing well with my three day work week. I just don’t want to get overwhelmed by a hobby. So not too much going on. These are the kinds of weekends I like.

Thanks for reading. Have an excellent weekend. 🙂

Grab ’em by the shoulders

The best part, tho, will be that like 60 percent of the country doesn’t give a shit either way if a president grabs women“. – Jessica Valenti

People are really showing their true colors right now. I’m watching. 😉

Ugh. I lost out on a date! If you know me, you know I’m just joking because I’m asexual and have no desire to date. However, I was in the grocery store, picking out nine tomatoes. He said I must really like tomatoes. ROFL. I do! 🙂 Then he said, “I bet you know how to cook.” I said, “I don’t know how to cook at all.” Then he insisted that I MUST know how to cook. “No, I only fix salads.” Sad, but true. We went back and forth for some reason. I don’t freaking know how to cook!!!! I can fix chicken parmesan, but I haven’t done it in about 6 years so I would have to get the recipe.

It’s so funny. Where I live, I feel like a woman must know how to cook, or you won’t get a man. LOL. Please don’t tell me this is the attitude everywhere. Luckily, I don’t want a man. So screw that. I don’t like cooking or cleaning. Or sex. So yeah. Whatevs. Then I saw him again on the way out of the store. Haha. He said he is going to plant his own tomatoes. So jealous. He grows a lot of different plants and vegetables. I’ve only planted cucumbers. I don’t have the patience for growing tomatoes.

Anyway, could have gotten a man. You know that is all “straight” women want. SARCASM!

My first ever horoscopes were published on another website!! I’m their “resident astrologer.” LOL. There are people out there that like, know astrology. I’m only a newbie. Please don’t ask me any questions. HAHA.

I think I have it all figure out which means I know nothing. I’m going to do a three day work week when it comes to tarot/astrology. I’m planning everything out later today. Pretty much I will only work on tarot on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday OR Sunday (whichever day I have the least plans).

The weekend will be for content creation. I’ll write blog posts, schedule all my Instagram posts for the week, work on my monthly newsletter, etc. I don’t have concrete plans for Tuesday and Thursday yet. It will probably be whatever doesn’t get done over the weekend. I just don’t want to spend all my time on something when I’m not getting much in return. I enjoy it, but I shouldn’t’ let it take over my life. That’s when I get overwhelmed and sometimes resentful.

If things go as planned, I should only be working on SWT (name of business/hobby) about 20 hours a week. If only I can keep to this schedule. Sometimes I will think of something, and I want to do it right then. For example, on Thursday I just had to redesign my whole website. It came to me, and I did it because I was inspired. That’s my problem. Too damn impulsive. I’ve had that old website design for 9 months though. After 9 months, I usually want to have a different looking website. I LOVE my new site. 🙂 It’s not perfect, but everything people often click on works fine. I’m going to fix the rest over the weekend.

I had my first therapy appointment with a new therapist. We did it online at 6PM. I didn’t have to leave my house. Score! FUCK YEAH. I love her. BUT…my insurance made me pay full price. I’m so confused. I have online benefits, so why would they make me pay $80??? I can’t afford that. I can only afford that with a credit card. FUCK.

I’m going to call the health insurance company on Monday to see what’s up. I probably will continue to see her once a month IF we continue to work well together. But I don’t want to pay $160 a month. That’s like not having health insurance. 😦

Anyway, she made me feel so great, by saying so many things. Like how I survived the bullying all on my own so I should be proud. She mentioned PTSD. I never said a word. I just said 3 sentences about growing up and she got it. The most important thing is that she said even if the Abilify does causes compulsive behavior (the studies in the UK says it does), I can still stop the spending while being on Abilify. Please god!

Anyway, talking to her was like talking to a friend…if I knew how that felt. She’s so awesome! A therapist I like? I didn’t hate my last therapist. I think we just got tired of each other after 5+ years. LOL. Or I got tired of her. Anyway, my new therapist recommened this book:
The Gift of Our Compulsions: A Revolutionary Approach to Self-Acceptance and Healing by Mary O’Malley. I’m going to try to find the book at a library since I don’t see her for 3 weeks OR I may have to buy it, even though I’m trying to not buy stuff.

Btw, I’m going to cancel the appointment with the psychiatrist especially if they are going to charge me full price! Hell no. I’m cancelling because Abilify does work…I’m just suffering from one of the many side effects.

This week I…

Music of the week: Rachel Platten, Jussie Smollett, Maggie Rogers, Ariana Grande, Lake Street Drive, India Arie, Rozzi, Solange

TV of the week:  March Madness – Go UVA!, Survivor

Podcasts of the week: So You Wanna Be a Witch, Pod Save America, The Jim Fortin Podcast, In the Dark, Tarot for the Wild Soul, The Mind Your Business Podcast, Your Own Magic

Books of the week: Now reading – 

Weekend Plans: Working on my three day workday schedule. It starts this Sunday. I’m also taking a few – okay several – online courses, so I have to schedule out which days I want to work on what. Basically I just need to schedule things. Right now what I do is have a to do list which is okay, but I’m getting overwhelmed so I’m going to change the way I plan.

Feeling good after therapy. Plus, I had the day off today. YAY. 🙂 🙂 . What else am I doing this weekend? Repotting plants, and taking my dog to the park. The most important thing is coming up with a schedule. I may do that tonight or I may work on one of my online courses. It would be nice if I had a plan. Heh.

I’m going to eat a late dinner and take my dog outside. Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend! 🙂

My sex drive…outrageous

Yesterday I kind of wanted to die. I was overwhelmed. Work sucks. Work sucks. Works sucks. I asked for this upcoming Friday off because I need a break. I wanted Monday off but I didn’t want to pressure my boss into approving it on short notice.

Anyway, I’m feeling much better now. I have decided to take a week off from my “business” or should I call it a “side hustle” as everyone else does. Not posting on Instagram will mess me up as far as the algorithm. But I don’t care. After a week, I will probably go back to it and maybe consider it a hobby. Not sure. I love tarot and astrology, so I’m okay with it being just a hobby as long as I’m not investing too much time or money. That’s the problem.

I MADE AN 85 on my final exam astrology paper!!!!!!!!!!111!!!! Woohoo! I was just trying to get a 70. They grade hard, so I didn’t know what to expect. I still don’t have my final grade for the class, but I think I passed. It doesn’t matter. I’m not getting a certificate or a degree there. So whatevs.

NEWSFLASH: I am doing monthly horoscopes for another site. They reached out to me. Someone thinks I’m okay. lol. However, I won’t get a link back to my site. It is good experience. I’ve never done horoscopes before. I’ve done 6 so far. It’s interesting. I’m still a beginner when it comes to astrology, so I’m pretty sure what I’m doing isn’t that great. I can’t imagine doing daily horoscopes. Haha. No way. I would have to be paid for that.

If I ever stop posting my horoscopes on their site, I’m going to post them on my Patreon or my website. Plus, when I pitch to people I get to say “I’m an astrologer for ——“. How cool is that? I also will eventually add it to the bio on my website. But I’m not updating my website right now because I don’t give a fuck.

I don’t know what else to say. Just waiting to hear about work. I really can’t talk about it since I think someone from work is reading this.

Oh, I made 3 mental health appointments for April. They are all online. YAY! I’m so glad my insurance covers that. I made two appointments with a therapist for April. Due to cost, I would only like to have therapy two times a month, and her schedule only allows that. She only works online on Fridays, so it is tough to get an appointment with her. That’s why I scheduled both even though we haven’t even talked yet. If we don’t match, I will cancel the second appointment.

I may have mentioned the psychiatrist appointment last week. My 3D doctor SUCKS, so I’m going to see what an online one says. I’m worried this will be a waste of time. What if he says, “See your doctor” or “there’s nothing I can do.” I just want to know how to get off Abilify. I know it is different for everyone. I’m on the lowest possible dose. In fact, I only take it 5 days a week. Of course, I’m supposed to take it daily. Ugh, I just can’t get off of this med. 😦 Before Abilify, I was a somewhat high functioning depressed person. I could work just fine, but everything else sucked. When I got home from work, all I would do is sleep.

So Abilify works, but it sucks if you are 1 out of the 3 people who will have compulsive behaviors. I’ve read stories of people gambling excessively while on the med etc. For the first few years, I had no side effects from Abilify. I guess I would recommend to only stay on it for a year and get off ASAP…even if it works. Don’t end up like me. :/

Election 2020: Marianne Williamson was on MSNBC for the first time today! She’ll be on Morning Joe on April 4th. Finally. Can’t wait to watch. However, she still doesn’t have enough people supporting her. At this point, she will not be on the debate stage in June. 😦 That will kill her chances. I keep mentioning Marianne, but I have never linked to her donation page. Please donate. I only donated $2.00. Any amount helps!

I really like Pete Buttigieg. He kind of had a WTF moment recently when he said coastal elites don’t understand Trump voters. Sigh. Whatever. I know a lot of people feel this way. Anyway, I would vote for Pete. 100%. He’s gay. Can we have an gay president? I think so BUT then there’s Joe Biden. I think it will come down to Joe, Kamala and Beto. In a month, that opinion will probably change. I think Joe will be the candidate. Too bad.

So far I’m down for voting for Buttigieg, Williamson (of course!), Warren and maybe Castro. I wonder will Stacey Abrams run? If she does, I’ll add her to my list of people I would vote for in the primary. We vote on Super Tuesday. I’m going to try to get that day off…if I want to vote. If it is between Booker, Biden, Sanders, and Kamala – I won’t give a shit. It’s funny Booker and Joe are probably the nicest people in DC, but who cares? I don’t like their policies. (Booker’s past policies are the problem, not the stuff he is saying now).

This week I…

Music of the week: Britney Spears, Jussie Smollett (LOL), Christina Aguilera, Jewel, Rachel Platten, Maggie Rogers, Rachael Sage, Sugarland

Yes, Smollett’s charges were dropped. That doesn’t mean much of anything. I just really wanted to listen to his debut again. So I used the charges being dropped as a reason to listen to his album again. I hope Jussie didn’t pay anyone off. I don’t think he did. I think it was just a DA letting him off the hook due to the inner workings of the “justice” system. It does bother me that IF he did it, he keeps lying, but he has always said that his mom raised him not to lie (prior to all this happening), so I figured he would never admit to lying about something like this!

His mom and all his siblings probably 100% believe him. How can he let his whole family down and the few supporters he has left? In this case, I think being honest would help him get his career slightly back on track (not with Empire – screw that). But if he keeps saying he was a victim of a hate crime…uh. I dunno. People don’t like lies like that. But lies by politicians and police officers are just fine. 😉

TV of the week: The Bachelor, March Madness

Will I ever finish watching The Bachelor? Stay tuned. I started watching it late and I only watch about 2 hours a week, so that’s why I’m so behind. I probably will post about this season once I’m done. Btw, this is my first time watching The Bachelor. So interesting.

Podcasts of the week:  So You Wanna Be a Witch, Why is This Happening, Pod Save America, All In with Chris Hayes, The Jim Fortin Podcast, In the Dark (sooo good!), Pod Save America, The Astrology Podcacst,

Books of the week: Now reading – 

Weekend Plans: I’m taking another astrology class from Astrology University (highly recommend them). I have a paper due tomorrow. I have to work on that tonight. I want to finish my horoscopes too. I was running around getting a new phone from Verizon today, so I didn’t get much done. The phone I could afford wasn’t at most of the Verizons near me. I love my new phone with the Kate Spade case. I HAD to get a new one. It was hard to just make phone calls on my old phone. I had to start calling into work meetings 5 minutes early if I had to be there at the beginning.

I couldn’t use most apps. One thing I forgot – I forgot to take out my SD card. Not a huge deal. I just had music and Marianne Williamson talks on there. Oh well. This phone has so much space, so I have no plans to use a SD card.

I really have to go. UVA is playing right now. They are scaring me. They are only down by one. I hope they make it to the final four and win the whole thing. So I’m going to work on my paper and watch basketball until midnight.

Thanks for checking in! Have a great week. 🙂

They don’t care about me

Hmmm, the lady that does my taxes told me to claim 0 or whatever on my taxes for 2019. Otherwise, I might not get a refund next year. I just hope I won’t owe anything. I do get a relatively small refund this year from the government and nothing from the state.

I just read about claiming 0, and they would take MORE money from my paycheck each month. I can’t pay my bills now, so that’s not going to work. Of course, the tax lady doesn’t know I just borrowed from my 401k, and I’m planning on borrowing again (for the last time – I swear!). I should have borrowed enough so I could have money in my savings/checkings. I just borrowed enough and used it all to cover bills. So right now I have nothing left of what I borrowed.

So next year, I probably won’t get anything. Bummer. If my business were to slightly take off (meaning make more than $500 in revenue), I know I will owe the government money. I already have a plan for that. Save at least 30% of any revenue for taxes. It should probably be 35%, but whatever. I’ll worry about that once I make enough money.

I should be working on my Robert Downey Jr. astrology final exam paper. I have exactly 222 words. I’m going to do the minimum and only write about 550 words. I hope I’m able to finish by Sunday afternoon.

Ugh. The Wallflowers are coming here in August. I went to maybe buy a ticket. They only have general admission. I never do GA. Never. Why are people willing to waste hours to get good seats? I don’t get it. It would be easier and more time efficient to just get a seat. I’m not wasting my time, getting to a venue extra early and then there is no promise of a good seat. How nuts is that? All those wasted hours. No, thank you.

Oh god. I get why people hate social media now. I’m specifically talking about Instagram and Facebook. Instagram is the worst.

#1. Don’t DM me with BS. Some people come straight out and ask for what they want. This is extremely rare. That just happened to me 15 minutes ago and I LOVED that. I responded back that I can’t enroll in his program because of finances. Boom. Done. Thank you. Don’t DM me, pretending to give a fuck when you just want a sale. I’m a hardcore Taurus. We don’t like that fake shit.

#2. Don’t friend me on Facebook, then ask me to like your page a week later and when I ask YOU to like my page, you don’t. Motherfucker! I believe in karma and I’ll leave it at that. This is a new thing that just started happening. I don’t know if it is a stragety amongst the new kids or what. FAKE BULLSHIT. The requesting to be a friend when I don’t know you, doesn’t bother me as much as the asking me to like your page…especially when you have 350 more likes than I do. LOL. I’m not that serious about FB so I approve all friend requests. I don’t care. Just don’t be fake.

Those are the two main things bugging me with social media. #2 doesn’t happen that often (for now) so I’m like whatever. It’s just an annoyance. But if I get another DM from a stranger. ARGH! And I’m temporarily working with someone who suggests I DM people. LOL. Nope. I am not doing it. I don’t like when people do it to me so why would I do it to others???! I’m going to tell her that on Wednesday. If someone can explain to me how to be AUTHENTIC when messaging people on Insta, fine. I have yet to find a decent, real way to DM strangers. Just post on their posts. NO DMs!!

I also don’t like when strangers knock on my door, so that is why I’m not going to campaign for Marianne Williamson or anyone. How hypocritical would that be?? I don’t like it when strangers call me so why would I call strangers? I am not doing it. I did tweet about Marianne and did an Instagram story begging for people to help her. 🙂 I’ll do that because that’s not invasive. Btw, I block numbers all. the. time. If a stranger calls more than once I block. Do I block on social media? Nope. I’m not that mean. hah.

I’m really overwhelmed with things at the moment. Work. School. Fiances. Home. Online classes. Etc. Oh speaking of overwhelming, I’ve scheduled an online appointment with a psychiatrist to see what is going on with Abilify. I will probably cancel that appointment IF I decide to go to therapy twice a month…unless the therapist suggests I see a doctor.

There are so many issues with therapy. I was in therapy for years. I found it slightly helpful for a while until she changed her technique. Then I stopped going to her. Then I started seeing someone else online. She wasn’t very understanding. Or she thought I didn’t like her. I don’t know. We didn’t vibe which is probably a natural experience for many. I didn’t like her technique either.

I just want to see someone about my OCD thoughts and behaviors*. I found one therapist online. She specifically states she works with my main issue. My insurance covers it. My copay would be $25. However, she hasn’t opened her calendar for April. WTF is up with that? Next week I have 2 meetings after work. I am already overwhelemed. I haven’t finished my astrology paper. etc. etc. So there’s no way I’m going to schedule a therapy appointment just because she hasn’t opened dates for April.

*not sure whether I have OCD. If the behavior is caused by a medication, is it still OCD? Do I have depression, anxiety and PTSD? YES!

Anyway, I feel like a failure because I didn’t get my astrology paper done today. I didn’t go to the library because I had to go to the bank and pick up my taxes. Sigh. Tomorrow I have to take my dad to the store. So I will lose at least 3 hours of time. :/

This week I…

Music of the week: Marren Morris, Rachel Platten, India.Arie, Ariana Grande, Delta Goodrem, Ellie Goulding, Carly Rae Jepsen, Hillsong Worship

TV of the week: The Bachelor, March Madness (GO UVA!), Vanderpump Rules

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Why is This Happening, Pod Save America, Hardball with Chris Matthews, All In with Chris Hayes, The Mind Your Business Podcast, The Jim Fortin Podcast

As a person with a strong interest in neuropsychology, I really like the Jim Fortin Podcast, but he lost me when he said $2000 wasn’t a lot of money. It’s a really out of touch and privileged thing to say. When I had 2K in my bank account, I didn’t think it was a ton, but I knew it was a lot to many people. I would kill for 2K or 1K right now. Kill. Maybe I shouldn’t be admitting this. It’s a joke, people. 😉

Books of the week: Now reading – 

Weekend Plans: Well the weekend is halfway over and I haven’t finished my paper. Maybe I should book a study room at the library on Monday afternoon? I knew I should have taken the days off for March Madness like I do every year. Sigh. I didn’t do it and now I’m behind. It’s only 9:30PM on Saturday night. I’m kind of tired, but if I could get 50 coherent words written, I would consider that win.

I’m going to attempt to work on my paper, but I already want to update my tarot website. LOL. I had clarity. One of my offer descriptions really, really sucks. I guess I could update it tomorrow.

Thanks for reading through my frustration. Have a great rest of the weekend! 🙂

I’m going to dance all night

Ahh, my vacation from work has been great! It was very much needed. I’m nervous about returning on Monday because they will be tracking what we are doing. Sigh. I’m thinking about taking another week off in November. I want the week of election day off.  I would like to vote without a line, and I have to get my car inspected. If I don’t get a week off, I will ask for 3 days off.

On Wednesday, I did nothing related to work – tarot or day job. Well, I kind of did some Instagram and Facebook stuff at 7 PM. So I did do a little something, but most of the day I spent on my astrology course which was so nice. I’m logging my hours for that self-study course because I might want the certificate. To get a certificate, we have to log all of the hours we spend on the course, take several pictures of the notebook/journal we create, and write a few paragraphs on what we learned. If I get the certificate, I can put that on my tarot/astrology website and say hey, I am serious about astrology. I finished this hard ass course! 😉

I didn’t get a manicure. I just decided to paint my own nails black. I might get one one day. As of this entry, I have recorded and uploaded 8 YouTube videos. Terrifying!  I mention this here because I was only considering getting a manicure due to that. Now I have 4 more videos to go for August. Some of the videos I don’t like, and the other ones are so-so. Whatever. I’m new to this. I have to get something up.

I did get one lovely comment on one of my videos. Thank you!! (I did respond to the person).  I wish YT would email me each time I get a comment because I’m moderating comments. I had no idea anyone left a comment. I just saw it by mistake while looking for something else! Argh. I might stop moderating comments IF I can delete anything extremely negative. I don’t want to keep manually checking for comments. No way. I can’t believe they won’t email me when I get a comment. Isn’t that bizarre? How am I supposed to know? Yes, I have my settings set up so YT can email me. I don’t get it.

I started off doing 5 free tarot readings a week. That was fine for a while. Now I’m down to 4. I’m thinking about going down to 3 a week. I’m not sure. I got a 3-star rating yesterday. I’m 100% sure this was due to a language barrier. I read his request several times, and I never got what he mentioned in his feedback. Sigh. He’s from Nicaragua and English isn’t his first language. (I want to move to Nicaragua. I guess I won’t be moving in with him because he gave me 3 stars. LOL). I think doing 3 a week is good for practice. Some people don’t seem to get that this is a free service. Whatevs.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention I got great feedback on one reading. She wants to maybe work together again in the future. But I’m not sure I can give her my website. I have to see if that is against the rules. I don’t want to get banned.

I stopped therapy. She wasn’t for me. I’m never going to therapy for social anxiety again. I have other issues that are more important. Yet, all they want to focus on is that. NEVER AGAIN. If I feel like I really need therapy, I will not mention anything about anxiety. Besides, I feel like my social anxiety is better these days. Or is it just different? I still can’t talk to 95% of my family. However, I can talk to “strangers” on Skype. I can also talk a little when we have work meetings. I’m uploading YouTube videos. Etc. etc.  I still can’t say hi to strangers unless they speak to me first. So I guess I do still have SA, I just don’t think it is my main problem.

YAY, the Pope came out against the death penalty in ALL cases. Um, not that that will solve the issue in the near future. He doesn’t have that much power.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): First Aid Kit, Kacey Musgraves, La’Porsha Renae, Pink, Janelle Monae, Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Linkin Park

Best news ever: Robyn has a new album coming out! Finally. I love the first single, but I’ve only listened to it a couple of times.

TV of the week:  Big Brother, Castle Rock

Castle Rock is good. It’s very Stephen King. Obvs. I love him. My top two favorite fiction books are Stephen King books: The Long Walk and Salem’s Lot.

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, Why is This Happening?,  Tarot Bytes, The Bill Simmons Podcast, The Lively Show,

Books of the week: Now reading:

Plans for the weekend: Grocery shopping again and preparing to go back to work. I have two tarot readings to do.  I have to finish up recording my YouTube videos. I’m glad the videos are under 2 minutes long. If they were longer, it would take me forever to record them. I record each video about 3 times and then pick the best take. I hope I can spend some time on my astrology course this weekend.

I have to go to the library today. I also have my 5th meeting with my mentor this afternoon. We have a lot to cover in only 90 minutes. I’m going to miss talking to her when our 12 sessions are over. 😦 Maybe we can be friends. I’ll see. But it won’t be the same. We won’t be on Skype and talking. It won’t be that kind of friendship. LOL. I’m already missing her and it’s not over yet.

Have a great weekend. Thanks for reading! 🙂