freedom of a blank stare

I haven’t had soda in 48 hours so excuse me for being off. I stopped cold turkey just like I did last time. ( I only started back up a few months ago because coffee was making me really sick). Now I have no caffeine. Well I’m still drinking tea…at least until that runs out. Is there really caffeine in that diet Lipton tea stuff? I swear I can’t tell. Then I guess I will just drink water. I wish I liked milk…nah, maybe not. That stuff isn’t cheap.

Sodas gone. To boost my serotonin levels, I’m starting to eat spinach. Perhaps with a low dose of Zoloft plus the spinach, my brain can produce normal levels of serotonin. About a year ago, I foolishly requested my Zoloft to be lowered because I thought it was making me irritable. Silly move probably. I think it really did help with the social anxiety. I did things I had never done before. Now I don’t think I want to ask for a higher dose -that would mean 2 pills instead of 1- even though I probably should consider it. Maybe the spinach will work? Here’s hoping.

I don’t cook so of course I have to share pictures of my first attempt at cooking spinach. 😉 I cooked the following x2.

I cooked the biggest bag of spinach the store had and that is all I ended up with after it was cooked. I will definitely be buying more. I probably used too much olive oil (ya think??). I didn’t add anything for flavor because I forgot to buy anything.

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Project Real Life  Week 9 – Clutter

I was so proud of myself for throwing away almost everything from my house. Clutter be gone! I threw away books (!!), clothes, shoes, handbags etc. I had already donated some of the books in really good shape. I probably could have donated some of my clothes but I knew that I didn’t want to go through them. I just trashed everything. It was easier that way. If I had to go through each thing and make a decision…LOL. I would still have stuff in the house right now.

This is really good because I’m not taking anything to my new apartment that I don’t need. So I’m starting off on December 15th clutter-free. YAY! I’m not a natural hoarder so I don’t think I will have a problem. Things only got bad at my house when I was so depressed that nothing mattered (year 3?). I brought the mail in and dumped it on the table everyday. Okay, sometimes on the floor. Whatever. Eventually that adds up. It wasn’t like I was buying stuff. It was just junk.

The worst thing about clutter for me was losing stuff. I would lose shampoo and end up buying more just because I couldn’t find it. NEVER AGAIN.

Speaking of moving…Oh g-d. At least I now feel confident that I actually have the apartment despite not signing a lease yet. I still wish I could at least see the lease. That’s all I wanted. I’m an anxious mess. I need to know everything possible. My budget is going to be sooooo tight. But I think I can do it. I’m too scared to really add it up but I have to know how much I can spend on groceries/toiletries each month.

I know this entry is all over the place (blame the lack of soda/caffeine). I still have to pack. I move in 9 days and I haven’t finished packing…mostly because I need most of the stuff I have with me. It is mostly work stuff. I can’t pack that until the last minute. This is going to be the weirdest move ever. I can’t think about it too much. Overwhelm. Overwhelm.

I wish all this was easier but I have to step up and step out on my own. I am capable. I have a few new goals I will implement on December 15. I might come up with a whole list and post it here.

anti-cook salad

Ugh, I’m bummed. I can’t even make an edible salad. I have in the past but I brought beets. The damn beets ruined everything! I love the beets @ our salad bar at work. But these beets taste NOTHING like those. I brought salt free -but not sodium free- sliced canned beets from Kroger. Why should I even share the recipe to my anti-cook salad when it sucked?? I know. Get the fuck over it! I just ate it though…and I am disappointed. That is my lunch for the next 3 days. Ok, I’ll stop. :/

Ingredients (enough for at least 5 servings)

tuna cubes (found in the canned meat aisle)
fresh bagged spinach
1 cucumber
cinnamon
canned sliced beets (if you know how to use them)

How to anti-cook

slice the cucumber
mix the other stuff w/cucumber slices
add two dashes of cinnamon if you like (I only added it due to the beets – didn’t help)

Warning: I don’t think cucumbers and beets go well together…or it may be just me. Should I have microwaved the beets first? lol. But some people eat all the veggies raw so I didn’t think they had to be cooked. 😦

There is your colorful salad. I brought pecans and walnuts to provide protein but I didn’t add them because I didn’t feel like doing all that I had the tuna for protein. Most of the time I don’t add salad dressing to my salad. If I do it is usually the brown/tan Italian dressing. Does that even mean anything to anyone? I know nothing about food. Obviously!

I made 3 salads for lunch because I had only 3 containers. 🙂

Now I wish I had salad dressing to make the sourness from the beets go away. I rarely even buy dressing. Damn. I screwed up. Usually I don’t have the energy to even anti-cook but I mowed my lawn for the first time since October. It took just under an hour which is normal. Anyhow, my point was mowing the lawn gave me energy.

gotta go.

GO DUKE! 😉