freedom of a blank stare

I haven’t had soda in 48 hours so excuse me for being off. I stopped cold turkey just like I did last time. ( I only started back up a few months ago because coffee was making me really sick). Now I have no caffeine. Well I’m still drinking tea…at least until that runs out. Is there really caffeine in that diet Lipton tea stuff? I swear I can’t tell. Then I guess I will just drink water. I wish I liked milk…nah, maybe not. That stuff isn’t cheap.

Sodas gone. To boost my serotonin levels, I’m starting to eat spinach. Perhaps with a low dose of Zoloft plus the spinach, my brain can produce normal levels of serotonin. About a year ago, I foolishly requested my Zoloft to be lowered because I thought it was making me irritable. Silly move probably. I think it really did help with the social anxiety. I did things I had never done before. Now I don’t think I want to ask for a higher dose -that would mean 2 pills instead of 1- even though I probably should consider it. Maybe the spinach will work? Here’s hoping.

I don’t cook so of course I have to share pictures of my first attempt at cooking spinach. 😉 I cooked the following x2.

I cooked the biggest bag of spinach the store had and that is all I ended up with after it was cooked. I will definitely be buying more. I probably used too much olive oil (ya think??). I didn’t add anything for flavor because I forgot to buy anything.


Project Real Life  Week 9 – Clutter

I was so proud of myself for throwing away almost everything from my house. Clutter be gone! I threw away books (!!), clothes, shoes, handbags etc. I had already donated some of the books in really good shape. I probably could have donated some of my clothes but I knew that I didn’t want to go through them. I just trashed everything. It was easier that way. If I had to go through each thing and make a decision…LOL. I would still have stuff in the house right now.

This is really good because I’m not taking anything to my new apartment that I don’t need. So I’m starting off on December 15th clutter-free. YAY! I’m not a natural hoarder so I don’t think I will have a problem. Things only got bad at my house when I was so depressed that nothing mattered (year 3?). I brought the mail in and dumped it on the table everyday. Okay, sometimes on the floor. Whatever. Eventually that adds up. It wasn’t like I was buying stuff. It was just junk.

The worst thing about clutter for me was losing stuff. I would lose shampoo and end up buying more just because I couldn’t find it. NEVER AGAIN.

Speaking of moving…Oh g-d. At least I now feel confident that I actually have the apartment despite not signing a lease yet. I still wish I could at least see the lease. That’s all I wanted. I’m an anxious mess. I need to know everything possible. My budget is going to be sooooo tight. But I think I can do it. I’m too scared to really add it up but I have to know how much I can spend on groceries/toiletries each month.

I know this entry is all over the place (blame the lack of soda/caffeine). I still have to pack. I move in 9 days and I haven’t finished packing…mostly because I need most of the stuff I have with me. It is mostly work stuff. I can’t pack that until the last minute. This is going to be the weirdest move ever. I can’t think about it too much. Overwhelm. Overwhelm.

I wish all this was easier but I have to step up and step out on my own. I am capable. I have a few new goals I will implement on December 15. I might come up with a whole list and post it here.

anti-cook salad

Ugh, I’m bummed. I can’t even make an edible salad. I have in the past but I brought beets. The damn beets ruined everything! I love the beets @ our salad bar at work. But these beets taste NOTHING like those. I brought salt free -but not sodium free- sliced canned beets from Kroger. Why should I even share the recipe to my anti-cook salad when it sucked?? I know. Get the fuck over it! I just ate it though…and I am disappointed. That is my lunch for the next 3 days. Ok, I’ll stop. :/

Ingredients (enough for at least 5 servings)

tuna cubes (found in the canned meat aisle)
fresh bagged spinach
1 cucumber
canned sliced beets (if you know how to use them)

How to anti-cook

slice the cucumber
mix the other stuff w/cucumber slices
add two dashes of cinnamon if you like (I only added it due to the beets – didn’t help)

Warning: I don’t think cucumbers and beets go well together…or it may be just me. Should I have microwaved the beets first? lol. But some people eat all the veggies raw so I didn’t think they had to be cooked. 😦

There is your colorful salad. I brought pecans and walnuts to provide protein but I didn’t add them because I didn’t feel like doing all that I had the tuna for protein. Most of the time I don’t add salad dressing to my salad. If I do it is usually the brown/tan Italian dressing. Does that even mean anything to anyone? I know nothing about food. Obviously!

I made 3 salads for lunch because I had only 3 containers. 🙂

Now I wish I had salad dressing to make the sourness from the beets go away. I rarely even buy dressing. Damn. I screwed up. Usually I don’t have the energy to even anti-cook but I mowed my lawn for the first time since October. It took just under an hour which is normal. Anyhow, my point was mowing the lawn gave me energy.

gotta go.