So I found myself with no…

So I found myself with nothing but compassion for all the criminals and terrorists in the world, as well as their victims. I understood in a way I never had before that for people to commit such acts, they must really be full of confusion, frustration, pain, and self hatred. A self actualized and happy individual would never carry out such deeds! People who cherish themselves are a joy to be around, and they only share their love unconditionally. In order to be capable of such crimes, someone had to be (emotionally) diseased -in fact, much like having cancer.

However, I saw that those who have this particular type of “mental” cancer are treated with contempt in our society, with little chance of receiving any practical help for their condition, which only reinforces their condition. By treating them in this way, we only allow the “cancer” in our society to grow.

…We haven’t created a society that promotes both mental and physical healing.

Anita Moorjani (cancer survivor)

perfectly alone

The AC hasn’t gone out but it is 81 degrees in here so something ain’t right. heh. Today was the hottest day. It has to be a record. I was supposed to take my dog to get her nails trimmed but I decided it was too hot. Sorry pup…maybe next weekend? And I’m not mowing the lawn either. I don’t care how bad it looks. It has to be below 95 before I’ll get the mower out.

Today I realized I have two finals next week. I thought I only had one. This sucks. If I were more organized, I would have known. I’m taking one on Wednesday and one on Saturday. I’m not ready for either.

Speaking of school, I’ve decided to take the fall semester off! It was a hard decision – well not financially. It really was more about money then anything. Anyhow, I’m really looking forward to reading books for fun! What a novel concept. I cannot wait. First up, will probably be The Promise (the book about Obama’s first year of presidency). I had it on my to read list – the list is over 500 books long – but I didn’t want to read it anytime soon. But my dad gave it to me so I’m going to delve in. People have raved about it. I’m interested to know what could possibly be so *new* about Obama’s first year…after all I do follow the news but I’ll read it anyway.

My job will pay for an associates, a BA, Masters or PHD. They won’t pay for my certification. I talked to one school about their associate program. It sounded interesting and wow, I’ll get reimbursed! Then I told her I had my BA and she said, “Why would you want to go back?? I always say go forward.” Ummmmmmm, a Masters won’t do shit for me. I would only get one if I could take 1 class a semester and be reimbursed. That would take forever but I don’t hate school…

So I did look into getting my Masters again. I looked at the classes and found most of them boring. I have zero desire to be a manager. I see what they do everyday. *yawn* I’ll take my job with much less pay. I wish I could be a teacher. But with this standardized test BS and my inability to um, speak – not an option. Of course one day, I’m going to be “fine” and say I wish I would have gotten my Masters in Education or in whatever I wanted to teach.

I’m not counting on that ever happening. But it could. And if I get the teaching bug, I would probably get into tutoring. I would rather get an associates or another BA but first I have to get finish with what I’m doing now. Winter 2011, I’m all in.

I have finals next week and instead of studying I’ve been captivated by a blog – Childfreedom. How could I not heard of this blog before?? I can relate to so much of it. It’s so funny because it’s true. Comedy. Let me backtrack a little: All of my life I have wanted a house full of animals. Dogs, birds, guinea pigs, pigs, fish, sheep, cats etc. But this past weekend with the Mayer concert, I am now rethinking even getting a dog. (My dog lives with my mom. I got her when I was 18 then went away to college at 20. Boring story…) If I had just one dog, I would have to board the dog. That’s more $. Besides I want two dogs. Not happening. I think I realized it this past weekend more than ever because things were more spontaneous than I’m used to. I tend to try to plan things out. I’m so glad my 4 year old cat can take care of herself. I guess the dream of having a zoo won’t be happening….ever. 😦 Of course if I can’t have my dream zoo, NO KIDS.

Back to the blog: The funniest is The Bitch and Backpedal. Parents do this alllll the time. That is why I’ll try (very hard) never to say, “that’s why I have/want kids.” Because they will take back everything they said. And talk about how great being a parent is. Yeah right. You aren’t fooling me. Excerpt:

And then, without thinking, it slips out of you. “Man, I am so glad I don’t have kids.”

That is the trigger for The Backpedal. Abruptly the gears come to a screeching halt and the parent reverses into an alternate self, like the little girl in The Exorcist after the demon is exorcised from her, or Sybill when she switches between her multiple personalities. Their entire demeanor changes. Their face softens and takes on a glowy hue. Suddenly parenthood isn’t bad at all. In fact, it’s downright peachy! It’s the most important job in the world and they can’t imagine having any other life. You really don’t know what you’re missing. Those little moments when the child says, “I love you mommy and daddy” make it so worth it. There is nothing like the feeling of those little arms around your neck. It is a love that is stronger than any love they have ever felt. They are a better person for having kids – they have grown so much as a person and aren’t so selfish anymore. The entire human race is better off because they have kids. Being a parent is so wonderful and their most important and gratifying role in life. (At this point, they’re worried you aren’t buying it, so to bolster their position they whip out the photo album

LOL. So true. Ah, parents, gotta stand them. 🙂 I’m on to you guys. I’m not being fooled.

I don’t care what other people do with their lives. But the whole entitlement thing is what really pisses me off. I try not to think about it. PARENTING IS A CHOICE. You chose to have a kid. I don’t think you are a good person because you have a kid – where does that BS come from? I have to laugh at it. Um, yeah I made a choice to have a kid(s), and now I’m forced to deal with their crap for 18+ years. Yeah it sucks but you know it was a CHOICE right???? People act like they just had to do it. It is the weirdest thing to me.

Know what really grates on my nerves? The Motherhood Badge of Martyrdom that some women wear emblazoned on their being. It can be spotted from a mile away. Women who wear this badge like to portray themselves as some kind of saintly beings for all they sacrifice in their role as mother.

For some reason, this behavior is not only tolerated from mothers, it’s expected and reinforced. Always there is this perception of mothers as self-sacrificing saints, who give tirelessly of themselves for the benefit of others. The longer they stand on their martyr pedestal, the more we are supposed to recognize how hard they work, how wonderful they are and bow down to worship them appropriately. This is such a crock of BS.

Now I’m getting worked up! Read more of that entry here.

Childfree people (by choice*) go check out Childfreedom. You will find a little solace there. There are people like you! They know they have a CHOICE whether to have a kid. They THINK about it.

*I believe childfree is the term used for when it is always a CHOICE. While people who want kids (one day) are childless. I didn’t make up the terms. I do love childFREE though because yeah, I probably have a little more freedom than some parents because I CHOSE not to have children. I don’t think I have anymore money though…In my last post I said I don’t identify by gender, sexuality or ethnicity but I do identify very much as childfree…MAYBE BECAUSE IT IS A CHOICE???!!! Seriously I think it is because children and parenting get shoved down everyone’s throat so much. Don’t tell me how great it is. I know you are lying. I’m not dumb. It sucks a lot.

But unlike some, I realize people are different and some people choose to have kids. They thought about it. They enjoy it. Baffling I know, but these people do exist. I could care less what whether a person has a kid or not but please stop trying to convert others with “It is the best thing you’ll ever do!” etc. Oh, really?? Because deciding not to have kids has been my best (non) decision ever.
I’m going to study for an hour and go to bed. Uh, I mean that is my plan.