They don’t care about me

Hmmm, the lady that does my taxes told me to claim 0 or whatever on my taxes for 2019. Otherwise, I might not get a refund next year. I just hope I won’t owe anything. I do get a relatively small refund this year from the government and nothing from the state.

I just read about claiming 0, and they would take MORE money from my paycheck each month. I can’t pay my bills now, so that’s not going to work. Of course, the tax lady doesn’t know I just borrowed from my 401k, and I’m planning on borrowing again (for the last time – I swear!). I should have borrowed enough so I could have money in my savings/checkings. I just borrowed enough and used it all to cover bills. So right now I have nothing left of what I borrowed.

So next year, I probably won’t get anything. Bummer. If my business were to slightly take off (meaning make more than $500 in revenue), I know I will owe the government money. I already have a plan for that. Save at least 30% of any revenue for taxes. It should probably be 35%, but whatever. I’ll worry about that once I make enough money.

I should be working on my Robert Downey Jr. astrology final exam paper. I have exactly 222 words. I’m going to do the minimum and only write about 550 words. I hope I’m able to finish by Sunday afternoon.

Ugh. The Wallflowers are coming here in August. I went to maybe buy a ticket. They only have general admission. I never do GA. Never. Why are people willing to waste hours to get good seats? I don’t get it. It would be easier and more time efficient to just get a seat. I’m not wasting my time, getting to a venue extra early and then there is no promise of a good seat. How nuts is that? All those wasted hours. No, thank you.

Oh god. I get why people hate social media now. I’m specifically talking about Instagram and Facebook. Instagram is the worst.

#1. Don’t DM me with BS. Some people come straight out and ask for what they want. This is extremely rare. That just happened to me 15 minutes ago and I LOVED that. I responded back that I can’t enroll in his program because of finances. Boom. Done. Thank you. Don’t DM me, pretending to give a fuck when you just want a sale. I’m a hardcore Taurus. We don’t like that fake shit.

#2. Don’t friend me on Facebook, then ask me to like your page a week later and when I ask YOU to like my page, you don’t. Motherfucker! I believe in karma and I’ll leave it at that. This is a new thing that just started happening. I don’t know if it is a stragety amongst the new kids or what. FAKE BULLSHIT. The requesting to be a friend when I don’t know you, doesn’t bother me as much as the asking me to like your page…especially when you have 350 more likes than I do. LOL. I’m not that serious about FB so I approve all friend requests. I don’t care. Just don’t be fake.

Those are the two main things bugging me with social media. #2 doesn’t happen that often (for now) so I’m like whatever. It’s just an annoyance. But if I get another DM from a stranger. ARGH! And I’m temporarily working with someone who suggests I DM people. LOL. Nope. I am not doing it. I don’t like when people do it to me so why would I do it to others???! I’m going to tell her that on Wednesday. If someone can explain to me how to be AUTHENTIC when messaging people on Insta, fine. I have yet to find a decent, real way to DM strangers. Just post on their posts. NO DMs!!

I also don’t like when strangers knock on my door, so that is why I’m not going to campaign for Marianne Williamson or anyone. How hypocritical would that be?? I don’t like it when strangers call me so why would I call strangers? I am not doing it. I did tweet about Marianne and did an Instagram story begging for people to help her. 🙂 I’ll do that because that’s not invasive. Btw, I block numbers all. the. time. If a stranger calls more than once I block. Do I block on social media? Nope. I’m not that mean. hah.

I’m really overwhelmed with things at the moment. Work. School. Fiances. Home. Online classes. Etc. Oh speaking of overwhelming, I’ve scheduled an online appointment with a psychiatrist to see what is going on with Abilify. I will probably cancel that appointment IF I decide to go to therapy twice a month…unless the therapist suggests I see a doctor.

There are so many issues with therapy. I was in therapy for years. I found it slightly helpful for a while until she changed her technique. Then I stopped going to her. Then I started seeing someone else online. She wasn’t very understanding. Or she thought I didn’t like her. I don’t know. We didn’t vibe which is probably a natural experience for many. I didn’t like her technique either.

I just want to see someone about my OCD thoughts and behaviors*. I found one therapist online. She specifically states she works with my main issue. My insurance covers it. My copay would be $25. However, she hasn’t opened her calendar for April. WTF is up with that? Next week I have 2 meetings after work. I am already overwhelemed. I haven’t finished my astrology paper. etc. etc. So there’s no way I’m going to schedule a therapy appointment just because she hasn’t opened dates for April.

*not sure whether I have OCD. If the behavior is caused by a medication, is it still OCD? Do I have depression, anxiety and PTSD? YES!

Anyway, I feel like a failure because I didn’t get my astrology paper done today. I didn’t go to the library because I had to go to the bank and pick up my taxes. Sigh. Tomorrow I have to take my dad to the store. So I will lose at least 3 hours of time. :/

This week I…

Music of the week: Marren Morris, Rachel Platten, India.Arie, Ariana Grande, Delta Goodrem, Ellie Goulding, Carly Rae Jepsen, Hillsong Worship

TV of the week: The Bachelor, March Madness (GO UVA!), Vanderpump Rules

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Why is This Happening, Pod Save America, Hardball with Chris Matthews, All In with Chris Hayes, The Mind Your Business Podcast, The Jim Fortin Podcast

As a person with a strong interest in neuropsychology, I really like the Jim Fortin Podcast, but he lost me when he said $2000 wasn’t a lot of money. It’s a really out of touch and privileged thing to say. When I had 2K in my bank account, I didn’t think it was a ton, but I knew it was a lot to many people. I would kill for 2K or 1K right now. Kill. Maybe I shouldn’t be admitting this. It’s a joke, people. 😉

Books of the week: Now reading – 

Weekend Plans: Well the weekend is halfway over and I haven’t finished my paper. Maybe I should book a study room at the library on Monday afternoon? I knew I should have taken the days off for March Madness like I do every year. Sigh. I didn’t do it and now I’m behind. It’s only 9:30PM on Saturday night. I’m kind of tired, but if I could get 50 coherent words written, I would consider that win.

I’m going to attempt to work on my paper, but I already want to update my tarot website. LOL. I had clarity. One of my offer descriptions really, really sucks. I guess I could update it tomorrow.

Thanks for reading through my frustration. Have a great rest of the weekend! 🙂

Don’t go knockin’ on my door

This guy on Instagram is annoying me. He has been DMing me with heart emojis. He wants to “get to know me better.” Please. Go away. Should I just tell him I’m asexual? That would be the truth.  I’ve been ignoring him. This isn’t the first time this has happened. If this happens to me, I’m sure pretty girls get all kind of advances on social media. That must be irritating.

Yes, I’m on social media. But I have NO DESIRE TO BE SOCIAL. It’s not my fault they call it social media. Stupid name. I just want to share pics once a week. I don’t care about likes or whatever. I’m just sharing. Like I’m sharing here. Is this social media too? Why does everything have to be social? Ugh.

I was supposed to start this entry off with my first sauna experience. It was divine! I was in a private room. All the rooms are private, but you can bring people with you if you want. People said they take their Kindles with them in the sauna, so I thought, “Why not take mine in the sauna with me?” I didn’t need it. I meditated and did breath work for the whole 40 minutes!

I could get used to this. 😉 What do I do? Cycling class or go to the sauna? Cycling is a little cheaper, and I like the feeling of working out. Hmmm. I dunno. Just due to me being able to easily meditate, it makes me want to choose the sauna. I have to use my 2nd sauna session within the next two weeks, or I lose it. I will definitely use it. I found my bathing suit. I had it on completely in the beginning, but it got so hot (it was about 130 degrees!), I took my top off. TMI? LOL.

I might go next time after I go to cycling class. I hear going to a sauna is great after a workout. The woman asked me if I sweated and I said kind of incredulously, “YES!” She said that some people don’t sweat their first time which shocks me. I have never sweated that much not even in cycling class. It’s 130+ degrees. How can people not sweat? Interesting how the body works.

My paycheck is $25 more due to the tax reform bill that recently passed. I’m not convinced that I won’t have to pay more in taxes when my taxes are due in 2019. But I’ll take the extra money for now. I really need it. AND my 401k repayment loan also just ended. So overall, my paycheck is $72 more. Thank God.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8): Justin Timberlake, Kesha, Shania Twain, Anna Nalick, Demi Lovato, Taylor Swift, Camilla Cabello, Paramore

TV of the week: Celebrity BB, PLL, Olympics, basketball

Should I boycott the Olympics? How much did they know? Who knew? Did everyone know? If they did, I believe the Olympics should be boycotted. Larry Nassar’s crimes disgusted me. I tried not to keep up with too much of it so now I don’t know whether I should boycott. I need to read more about it. I’m pleading ignorance for now.

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week: Joel Osteen, The Lively Show, All In With Chris Hayes, True Crime Garage, Fresh Air

Books of the week: I finished The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better Too) by Gretchen Rubin. 4 stars. I did NOT finish Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House by Micahel Wolff. It was too much talk of his staff and Russia. You know how I feel about Russia.

Now reading –

Recently I’ve been having a hard time focusing on leisurely reading. That’s why I wanted to take my Kindle into the sauna room. I thought I would make a big dent in my reading. I’m going to have to force myself to read before I get tired and I should stop reading in bed. It makes me fall asleep.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren planner –



Plans for the Weekend: I’m dropping off my taxes this weekend. I hope I get a nice refund. Please. 😉 I’m also finally taking my test. And that’s about it. I’m enjoying my 3 days off from work. Training starts on February 19. I wish it were starting next week, but I can’t control that. I’m glad I checked my work emails this morning. If I hadn’t, I would have missed an opportunity to sign up for overtime for this whole month! I said I wasn’t going to check my emails because off from work means no work. Anyway, I was able to sign up, and now I’m working OT almost every day after the 17th. I so need the extra money. I don’t know when I will have part-time work.

Thanks so much for reading. Have a marvelous weekend! 🙂