Stuck in my mind

I have a hernia. Everyone then asks, “are you having surgery”? Thanks for asking! NOT. The doctor didn’t mention surgery. I’m on medication. I’m supposed to be swallowing the tablet, of course. But I can’t, so I’ve been crushing it. I hope that doesn’t cause more harm.

I did try EVERYTHING to get another medication, but no one gave a shit, so I have to take this. I stopped drinking coffee and soda (!!) on the same day I started the medicine, so I have no idea what’s working. Was it the coffee making me sick? I know on at least two days I got really sick right after drinking coffee. But other days were just fine.

So no more diet Mountain Dew or coffee for me. I’m scared to eat regular food like pizza or a hamburger. I can’t afford to be sick. I don’t have sick days at work. Besides, I hate being sick, so why risk it? But eventually I will have a burger (not fast food – from the grocery store). I have to test it.

The doctor told me I have to get an ultrasound of my stomach. I have a day off in about 3 weeks, so I will get it then. What more can there be? Don’t answer that. Isn’t a hernia bad enough? I just hope I don’t have to get another endoscopy. Hiring a driver and the anesthesia is too much. I will try alternative medicines like herbs before I get another endoscopy. If I get really sick, I will get one.

Speaking of being sick…I haven’t been sick in 9 days which is a record!! I’ve been sick since July. Not once have I gone 9 days without feeling sick. Um, is it the medicine, or not drinking coffee and soda? A combination? I don’t mind not drinking soda as much. But I do miss drinking coffee.

UberEats sent me a $20 off coupon (perfect timing! LOL) since I haven’t used them in about three years. Of course, I can’t eat 95% of the food they offer, but I’m going to order a tuna sandwich for lunch and a chicken breast and broccoli for dinner today. I might have to cut everything in half and save the rest. I’m ordering from Wawa. I’ve never had food from there, but I don’t think their servings are enormous like restaurants.

What else? The debt consolidation place claims I have legal representation. My court date is October 5. I’m not going to court. If I think about it too much, I get nervous. This sucks! I’m just supposed to do nothing???? Okay. I’m going to call them in a few days to make sure. I just don’t want my paycheck garnished. I would be pissed!

I’m mailing my absentee ballot in today. I really don’t care enough to take it to some place else. Sorry. Not really. I heard there is a way you can track the ballot to see if they got it, but I haven’t opened my ballot yet. I’m not looking forward to voting, but at least I don’t have to do it in line on Election Day. I consider that a win. So many people are paranoid about their ballot and I’m like whatever, yo!

This week I…

Music of the week: Rachel Platten, Ariana Grande, Carly Rae Jepsen, Alicia Keys, Jussie Smollett, Victory, Ed Sheeran, Ellie Goulding

TV of the week:  Big Brother, The Wrong Man

Podcasts of the week: Truth & Justice, Dateline, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Tara Brach, Cousins by Blood, Paper Ghosts, 48 Hours, Morally Indefensible, Limitless Life

Books of the week: 

I finished Too Much and Never Enough: How my Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man by Mary Trump. Decent book. I wouldn’t recommend it because of what she says about Trump. Most of the stuff in the book is obvious. I wrote a blog saying most of what she did just by studying Trump’s astrology chart. So nothing new there, but it was still a good read.

I also finished reading Chakra Healing: A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Healing Techniques that Balance the Chakras by Margarita Alcantara. I had a short reiki section last week, and the practitioner was spot on. She knew what I had been repeating in my head about work. She used the exact word I used! It was amazing. Anyway, she told me my solar plexus chakra was blocked. That’s where my hernia is!! I got some excellent tips from this book. 

Now that we don’t have mandatory overtime, I have a little bit of time to read. I will be going back to audiobooks soon. I can listen to those while I’m working.

Weekend Plans: I was supposed to do yoga outside this morning, but it’s raining a little. So to force myself NOT to work, I decided to blog here. I still have work to do this weekend for my clients. I will force myself to get off the computer a little this weekend. I’m either going to fill out my ballot now or work. I will probably get voting out of the way.

Thanks for reading. Have a good week. 🙂

Decide the words I say

My clients are driving me crazy. But I’m setting them straight…one by one. They don’t know I’ve been sick since July. However, asking someone to spend their Thursday night on your video editing project with about 2 hours notice (!!) is NUTS. Who does that?? “I’m sending you over a video, can you edit it tonight?”

It was a weeknight. Also, I have other clients. Why should I do your shit on short notice? Anyway, I told her to give me at least 3 days in the future for video editing stuff. I hate editing videos. It slows my computer down and I have to spend 2 hours straight only working on that. Grr! Apparently, she has a lot of video she wants me to edit. Great.

She went 3 weeks without giving me anything to do, so I guess she figures she can use me for anything. And the client I fired for not paying? She’s back!! So, I’m back to having four clients again.

I’m so tired and so sick. I called into sick to work on Friday. Thank god we didn’t have mandatory overtime this past week. My therapist thinks all this working is making me sick. It’s not helping. That’s for sure. I had to cancel time off scheduled for next week, so I could get paid for Friday. We don’t have sick time.

I have my endoscopy on Monday at 7AM. I need answers. I was nervous about the anesthesia, but I think I’ll be okay if my therapist described the process right. I’ve never been under anesthesia before. I have my ride scheduled. I really hope this solves the problem because I don’t want to have to pay $150 for another ride. If I need another procedure, I’m going to wait until October.

I NEED FUCKING ANSWERS!

And the summons from the credit company still hasn’t been resolved. So I guess I’m filing bankruptcy on October 1. This sucks. I can’t even worry about this anymore, because I’m always sick or working!

Current events? Who has time to even be concerned about the news when they’re dealing with all this shit. I only care about the NBA Finals a little. I don’t care about Biden or Trump. I do care about the wildfires and think about that everyday. Anyway…caring about the big news is not a privilege I have right now. Hopefully, I can get back to that soon.

This week I…

Music of the week: Ellie Goulding, Taylor Swift, Grace Potter, Ariana Grande, H.E.R, Bishop Briggs, Jessie Ware, Lauren Daigle

TV of the week:  Big Brother, 13 Reasons Why

Podcasts of the week: Truth & Justice, Dateline, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Joyce Meyer, The Teacher’s Pet

Books of the week: I finished reading You are the Guru: 6 Messages to Help You Through Difficult Times With Difficulty and Faith by Gabrielle Bernstein. 5 Stars. I need to listen to this again this weekend. So good and helpful.

I’m also listening to Too Much and Never Enough: How my Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man by Mary Trump. I’ve never managed to finish a book about Trump, but I think I’ll finish this one. I’m on chapter eight. It’s good so far. Nothing shocking yet, though.

Weekend Plans: Well, I unexpectedly slept a lot today. I’m so glad I didn’t have to work. I did work for my clients, of course, but it wasn’t much. Tomorrow I will try my best to have a regular work day so I won’t get behind.

I also have to get ready for my endoscopy. I have to read the rules again, but I don’t think there is anything major I have to do. I just have to get up at 5AM on Monday which isn’t that different from a normal Monday. I hope everything works out.

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend/week. 🙂

Walk through fire

I don’t have much to say. I’ve worked 100 hours in two weeks for my full-time job in the past two weeks. That doesn’t count the hours of freelance work I’m doing.

I’m still sick. This sucks. I’m getting an endoscopy on September 14th at 6:30 AM. I have to pay a company about $150 because I have no one to sit with me who can drive. Woe is fucking me! What if I have to get a colonoscopy because the endoscopy doesn’t show anything? I’ll have to pay the $150 again. This doesn’t include the cost of the procedure which is probably 20% of the charge for me.

I hope I don’t have to get a colonoscopy. My uncle died from stage 4 colon cancer.

I’m not vomiting much anymore. But I still can’t eat much. I can eat at least once a day. I have stomach pain, nausea and light headaches.

Oh! This isn’t all. You thought that is all I had to bitch about? I WISH. I got a summons/warrent for credit card debt. Yipee! I’m not just dealing with working an insane amount and being really sick – I also have a court date. WOW. Someone really loves me.

I’m ignoring the summons for now. The court date isn’t until October 15. I could let them garnish my wages. Or I could try to come up with an agreement. This credit card company is supposed to be part of my debt consolidation, but the company didn’t take care of them yet. So guess who has to deal with it? ME. Not fucking Sally. ME.

Everything falls on ME. Don’t have a ride to your endoscopy? Cancel it or scramble around all week to find some stranger to take you. Exhausted? Sick? Who gives a shit. I’M going to work 50 hours a week (not counting my freelance work) for you. I did the right thing and enrolled in debt consolidation. Who got a summons? ME.

I don’t want to hear about fucking Sally and how she’s living through a pandemic. She doesn’t even have kids to homeschool. WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE LIVING THROUGH? Sally will be fine. She’s not sick. She might not even have to work for the man. She has housing. She has food. She doesn’t have a summons. She has people to take her to an endoscopy. Screw Sally!!

Okay, I have PTSD and the pandemic didn’t affect me that much because I can handle shit like this. Sally doesn’t have PTSD? SAY WHAT?

I’ll try to be nice to Sally because she’s living through the pandemic. Seriously, WTF? Add more to that plate Sally.

Did I just go on a rant? Yes.

I don’t want to talk about current events this week. Blah.

This week I…

Music of the week: Yola, Emily James, Ellie Goulding, Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, James Arthur, Sounds of Blackness, Rachel Platten

TV of the week:  Big Brother, 13 Reasons Why

Podcasts of the week: Truth & Justice, Dateline, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Serial, Gone Cold, The Lowe Post

Books of the week: I finished reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. It’s a decent book if you really want to start a new habit.

Weekend Plans: Well, today is Sunday. I worked almost all day yesterday. Today is mostly a day off. I have a few freelance things to do. I just hope I don’t have to work 50 hours at my day job next week AGAIN. I know we will be forced to work at least 45 hours which is much better than 50 hours.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week.

How to lose 7 pounds in 5 weeks

Or so. I don’t know how long I’ve been sick. I have this blog and an online private blog that no one can read. I probably need to look at dates to figure out when I really got sick. Of course, I thought it was only temporary. But it wasn’t!

Here we are. AND I’M STILL SICK! Sigh. This sucks. Of course, this was the week I was forced to work 10 hours of overtime which is complete bullshit. I have never been treated so bad by this company. I’ve been there for 15 years and this is the worse!!

Do you think I would still be there if it had been horrible for 15 years???! I’m a Taurus, so maybe. I dunno.

I saw a random doctor via Telehealth on Thursday. She said it’s probably not COVID. She also said I didn’t seem stressed which is complete bullshit. A Taurus never seems stressed. You have to REALLY piss off a Taurus to see them stressed or angry. We hide our feelings and our disdain. I thought that was funny. In fact, I laughed when she said that.

Anyway…she said it could be gallbladder or diabetes related. She also said it could be anything. LOL. Thanks. I think it’s my gallbladder. Bummer. What if I have to have surgery? I’ve never had surgery. Stop freaking me out!

As far as diabetes, my glucose levels are fine so even though it runs in my family, I don’t think it’s that. I have another Telehealth appointment on Tuesday with my PCP. She will probably refer me to get an ultasound for my gallbladder.

I have no idea why Telehealth keeps getting capitalized. It’s BS. I’m not changing it.

I feel like shit right now. I’m working crazy hours. One client hasn’t paid me which is fine because then I can let her go. I don’t like doing her work. I don’t mind uploading her blog posts and making it look nice, but everything else is not what I enjoy doing. It would be nice to be paid though.

Fuck. What a privilege it is to not have to work for money. I am not talking about people receiving disability. If I lived in another country, I could receive disability. I have the receipts. Anyhow, I just want to make that clear.

I’m talking about people with partners and well off parents. etc. There are people that don’t have to work for money. What a nice life. While some of us are vomiting while working. Yes, that was me these past two weeks. I envy them. But that’s not my life and I need to get over it.

Current events 2020: I applied for my mail in ballot two weeks ago. Whatever about the president. (Okay, I hope Trump loses). I’m concerned with the local stuff. If I have to vote in person, I will. I think we can start voting in person in about a month. I don’t want to do have to do that, but I will. I’ll take my mom too. She also applied for her mail in ballot. So we’ll see.

I listened to a lot of the Democratic National Convention via PBS the day after the event occurred. I couldn’t listen to Biden. Bleh. I missed Sanders. I heard Warren, Kamala, Jill Biden and Obama. It was well done. I probably will listen to the Republican one, but not if it’s too stressful. For god sakes, I avoided BIDEN. How the hell am I going to listen to Republicans? Good point. 😉

Centrists are destroying everything. I hate them. I guess I shouldn’t say hate, but ugh, they ruin everything. And they are just there…not doing shit. Okay, I’ve never protested but I have severe social anxiety. I want to protest how we are dealing with COVID. Fuck. I want to protest everything.

I’m going to start giving back to the Innocence Project once my money is more consistent. When I wasn’t making much, I donated $12 a month. I stopped when I ran out of money and had to cancel EVERYTHING. If I can find a more local charity – great. But I like their work. I don’t agree with how they handle everything, but I value 95% of their work.

If Trump “successfully” steals this election, there should be mayhem in the streets. I might even join if I’m not sick and working.

This week I…

Music of the week: Danielle Bradbury, Ellie Goulding, Marren Morris, Miranda Lambert, Jessie James Decker, Lauren Alaina, Maddie & Tae, Mariah Carey

Lot of country music this week. It just sorta happened.

TV of the week:  Big Brother, 13 Reasons Why

Podcasts of the week: Truth & Justice, Dateline, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Fresh Air, Serial, It Was Simple

Books of the week: Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chodron

…and two other books by Pema Chodron that I’m too lazy to link to.

Weekend Plans: Well, I have to work 7 hours tomorrow. I’ll probably get up at 7 and start work at 7:30. Then on Sunday, I’m going grocery shopping because I can’t eat any of the food I have!! I’m buying 5 cans of chicken noodle soup. That should last until I go back to the store on September 6. Since COVID, I try to only go to the store once a month. I was doing Instacart because I was feeling like shit, but that’s expensive. I’d rather put gas in my car (which I haven’t needed to do in about 2 months), and just go to the store.

Instacart is great for people with the resources, but when I’m not sure what I can eat and I keep wanting to get food delivered because I’m not feeling well…it’s BAD.

Have a nice weekend. Thanks for reading. 🙂

Start Where You Are

I took a COVID test. Kind of. Argh! I was too terrified to go to a doctor because I knew they would stick that shit up my nose, so I went to a CVS Minute Clinic where I put the stick up my own nose. The problem? I didn’t stab it up my nose that much because FUCK, why would I do that?

I wish the COVID test was a blood draw. I don’t have a problem with needles, but I’m not sticking shit up my nose. So the test might be a complete waste. I took the test last Saturday. No results yet.

I’ve been sick for at least 15 days. Probably more. I just started eating somewhat normally yesterday, but today I didn’t eat dinner. So I’m still not feeling well.

If it weren’t for my therapist, I would have NEVER gotten a COVID test. She basically said I looked like shit when I had my appointment on July 31. I was so used to eating only once a day at that point that I didn’t even feel that weird. She convinced me that I should go to CVS and swab my own nose.

I don’t know what’s wrong. I just know I’ve never been sick this long in my life. NEVER. If it’s not COVID, then um, I dunno what’s wrong. I don’t want to go to the doctor again. I’m pretty much okay as long as I drink sugar free Gatorade and eat once a day. Why didn’t anyone tell me Gatorade (even the sugar free version) is so good???! My therapist told me. This past appointment was probably the most helpful session ever. Drink Gatorade! Yes, ma’am.

What else? Work sucked on Thursday. I’m only working 3 days next week. I’m off on Thursday and Friday. My goal is too remain focused and do the best 3 days of work I’ve ever done. I’m probably going to ask too many questions, but whatever. I’m new to this work and the support is okay, but it could be better.

My freelance work was okay this week. I have 4 clients, but I managed to get a week off from one client so that was great. I get one week a month off from her. She’s a therapist in New York.

I have one complaint about a client. She thinks I’m a website designer or something! Yes, I know Squarespace. That’s easy. (So is Wix). But WordPress.Org is hard. I did what she wanted about an hour ago, but ugh! I have my new website on WordPress.Org and oh my, Squarespace is so much easier. But I’ve dumped so much money into WordPress, so I’m sticking with them for myself.

It’s Saturday morning. Midnight. I went to sleep for 6 hours (!!) after my day job and now my schedule is all messed up. I will try to get to bed by 2AM. I think I’m going to work on my freelance website, after I finish blogging this since I’ve done most of my work.

Gotta go. All I have to say about current events is that I need to get my absentee ballot. I want it in the mail by September.

This week I…

Music of the week: Taylor Swift, Ellie Goulding, JoJo, Rachel Platten, Ariana Grande, Mariah Carey, Robyn, Ashanti

TV of the week:  Big Brother, Little Fires Everywhere

Little Fires Everywhere isn’t great, but I recommend it to Gen X and maybe millennials for the 90s references. I can’t keep up with the generations. Anyway, who remembers YM magazine? That was my favorite. I even had a subscription!

Podcasts of the week:  Truth & Justice, Dateline, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Undisclosed, The JJ Redick Podcast, The Lowe Post, Up and Vanished, Unlocking Us, Crimelines, 1619, The Astrology Podcast, Why is This Happening,

I have a lot of time to listen to podcasts while working. 😉

Books of the week: Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chodron

Weekend Plans:  It’s 12:33 AM on Saturday morning. I wish I was tired enough to go to bed. I will probably work on my website for a bit and then get in bed. This weekend I have freelance work and I’m working on own stuff. I always have to be in marketing or making mode, so I can have income coming in.  

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend and week. 🙂

Dry heat

I got my period for the first time in a year a week ago. Who was super pissed? ME. Fuck the patriarchy. I don’t need a period. I know all these women are so in love with their periods. Or that is a newish trend. But I think it’s bullshit. I don’t need a period. I don’t want a period. Why am I on birth control in the first place????!

I have to schedule an appointment with my ob/gyn. That’s the only way I can keep getting birth control. I will probably go in September. I’m trying to get three days off straight. So I’ll see what my new boss says. I have no idea how they do time off.

Oh, I forgot I better schedule a mammogram before they get on me about that. I will do that with time off in October.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist in 1 hour. This should be interesting. I’m trying to get off Lexapro. It was good to me for years, but now my body hates it. It makes me too tired.

I’m overworking. What else is new? I had to tell one client I was sick today and I am. I can’t keep any food down. 😦 I’ve been sick for 3 or so days. I finally ordered some medicine, but it’s not coming until tomorrow. blah.

Anyway, at least I know what’s causing me to be tired. So should I cancel my sleep appointment? I probably should cancel. The appointment is Wednesday, so I have to cancel on Monday.

I’m still wondering whether I should hire someone. My work is kind off inconsistent, but it’s becoming more consistent each week which is good, but I’m not sure I NEED to hire someone.

I hit my income goal for July. That’s good news, but I also worked 7 days a week. So….

Politics/Current Events 2020: I probably will vote for Biden even though I live in Virginia and I don’t have to. But since I’m voting anyhow, I may as well vote for president. I need to get my absentee ballot and mail it in 3 weeks early. I want to make sure my vote counts. Not for the presidency…but for the other stuff on our ballot.

This week I…

Music of the week: Taylor Swift, The Chicks, Ellie Goulding, Keith Urban, Miranda Lambert, Aretha Franklin, Ariana Grande, Carrie Underwood

TV of the week:  Cheer

The fact that people can watch Cheer on Netflix and not talk about concussions in sports says everything you need to know about America’s sports fans. I’m truly disturbed.

Podcasts of the week:  Truth & Justice, Dateline, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Abraham Hicks, Undisclosed, Crime Junkie, Pod Save America, The JJ Redick Podcast, The Lowe Post

Books of the week: Call Me God: The Untold Story of the DC Sniper Investigation by a bunch of people

Weekend Plans: Today is Sunday. My body wouldn’t let me work as much as I wanted, so SIGH. I have two appointments tonight. I will try to fit some work in.

Thanks for reading! Have a good week. 🙂

Walking in the wrong direction

I feel like crap. I thought it was just allergies, but I took Clarispray, and it didn’t help. Now I’m taking cold medicine. I’m glad it isn’t that warm yet because I really want to go to the park. I could go to the park. I’m not that sick, but I wouldn’t enjoy it as much. It isn’t supposed to be really warm until Wednesday. Anyway, my colds don’t usually last long these days. My colds used to last a week. I’m hoping I’ll feel better in a few days.  I hate being sick. Ugh.

I went to a local crystal shop on Sunday. I didn’t know we had one until Saturday. I ordered most of my crystals online without even bothering to see if we had a local shop. The local store had tarot cards, lots of books and so many cool things for altars. It was awesome. I only bought a couple of crystals and two pouches – one for my tarot cards and one for my crystals. I might go back and get another pouch for the next set of tarot cards I get. A girl has to have more than one deck of tarot cards.

Here is  a pic of all my crystals:

fullsizeoutput_f

First, let me say that I know that candle looks really fake when shot from above, but when it is looked at regularly, it looks like a regular candle. It even flickers like a real candle. The crystals pictured above are:

  • pyrite
  • amethyst
  • tourmalinated quartz
  • rose quartz
  • lapis lazuli
  • jade
  • carnelian (times 2)
  • red jasper
  • citrine

I may blog about what I use each one for. Right now I just leave whichever ones I feel I need out while I’m working. And I meditate with one each morning. I don’t think I need more crystals right now. I just need to learn to work with the crystals I have. These didn’t cost a ton (especially the ones from the local shop).

I picked up my Chanel bag from my mom’s house. Yes, I call it “my Chanel” because it may be the only Chanel I ever get. 😉 It looks so much like a real Chanel bag. Almost identical. BUT the chain looks so cheap. I’m even worried that it might break. That would suck. I’m also a little worried that someone might think it is a real Chanel bag and try to rob me. I guess I should be careful where I take it.

I went to what will probably be my last spin class at that place on Sunday. I only burned 266 calories. What is wrong with me? However, I wasn’t the worst in the class. I was second to last for most of the class. The person in last place was probably a cycling newbie.

I’m going to get into bed and read. I haven’t been reading a lot lately. I’ve been so tired.

Don’t change a thing

I went to an urgent care center on Friday. Thank Budda for them! I would’ve gone to the ER otherwise. I rarely go to the doctor. I don’t believe in going to the doctor for a cold. (It might be different for kids). A cold is a cold. It will pass in time. There isn’t a cure for it.

Anyway, I’ve had a stuffy nose for over a month. Sometimes I can’t breathe. I’ve been taking Afrin for 3 weeks because that was the only thing that worked. That was part of the problem. I used too much Afrin according to the doctor. My nose (nasal passage) is now messed up. 😦

I didn’t know taking too much nasal spray was a thing. It is. Most people seem to take it WAY more than 3 weeks for it to cause a problem, though. Maybe my nose isn’t too messed up? Hopefully.

He gave me medicine. I am also taking Sudafed. I just hope I’m cured before I run out of the medicine the doctor gave me. I don’t think the Sudafed by itself is going to work, but I’ll try it. I don’t want to have to go back to the urgent care center.

After I got back from the center, I thought I was going to have to go to the ER. I took the prescribed  medicine and I still  couldn’t breathe. I’d already been to the urgent care center. Where else could I go? But I decided to try the saline mist spray (It’s drug-free so it’s safe) one more time and it worked! I was shocked because it didn’t work before.

Now I feel better. I’m still congested, but I can breathe.  I went to the free gym this morning. I desperately needed a workout.  No one was in the gym. I had the whole big gym to myself! It was just me and Ellie Goulding 🙂  I did weight lifting. I walked a mile on the treadmill and did one mile on the bike. I probably would’ve done more if I felt better.

Oh! I’m also pre-hypertensive. Boo. The doctor gave me a list of things to do/not do. I  already do everything on that list except one thing…exercise for 30 minutes a day. haha. When I used to work in the office, I would climb the stairs during breaks for exercise. Now I’m definitely more sedentary. I don’t want to have high blood pressure. My mom has it so I think it could be genetic. I’m not eating too much salt or doing any of the bad stuff.

Yeah, I could exercise more. I was planning to cancel my paid gym membership next week. I just hate the crowds. I can still use the free gym. I’m beginning to wish I had my own treadmill. Something to think about…

My 2 cheat days are over. I am never doing that again. It was too much. I probably gained a couple of pounds. Since I love sweets so much, I think I’m just going to have dessert on future cheat days. I don’t know. I still have to go to McDonalds one of these days. Now I’m back on the grind. Eating between 1200 and 1500 calories a day.

Despite having to go to the doctor and working almost during the whole holiday, I had a great “break”. There was less pressure. Less stress. Let’s see how Monday goes. lol.

———

I’d never cared much how I looked, why should I start now? Besides, I had no energy to waste on my exterior, when so much of my focus was on the barely managed chaos inside my head.

Quote from Elyn Saks. That is how I’ve felt most of my life. Now I still won’t wear makeup, but I’m not so caught up in the chaos. It’s not as intense. I remember seeing myself one day. It was about 7 years ago. I looked like crap. So tired and just not there. I was so focused on getting through the day that I never even looked at myself in the mirror. (Yes, I wash my face, brush my teeth  etc. without looking at myself).

——–

Instead of updating my last entry, I’m just going to insert my planner layout for the week here:

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES
plans of the week

I sucked at keeping up with plans this week. I mostly worked so nothing else got done. I have to be better next week.

Don’t over complicate it

When (life’s) not playing out like the movies
It doesn’t mean it’s falling apart

Wise words from Ellie Goulding. I wanted to use those lyrics for a title, but I couldn’t figure out how to fit them in. Anyway, those words are so true!

I have been sick for over a month. I’m not exaggerating. This is the longest cold ever. I could understand it if I were around people. Then it would make sense. I have used 3 times the amount of Afrin I’m supposed to.

Side effects of overdosing on Afrin? Light headed/dizziness, chest pains, nausea, stomach pains, and slight head pains. I wouldn’t recommend it. But I can’t sleep or work when I can’t breathe so this is what I’m doing to get by.

I’m beginning to think it must be something in my house. I’ve had my dog for almost a year so it can’t be him…right? Ewww. I don’t want to think about what it could be. Could it be allergies? I just know I’m sick of being sick. And when I can breathe, I’m sick from too much Afrin. ARGH!!

That’s what I feel right now. I can breathe, but I have a headache and feel very light headed.

I was thinking about going to see the Dixie Chicks on tour. They are coming here twice. I love them and I don’t think this will be their last tour. At least I hope not. One concert a year seems to be my limit these days. I used to go to at least 3 shows a year. One year it was Dave Matthews Band, Melissa Etheridge and Janet Jackson in one summer. Not anymore. So I’m probably not going. That would be so fun, though. (No, not as fun as Ellie).

I wish I could say I’m not going to take more Afrin. I feel so blah. I almost quit working today. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do extra hours even though I need to. The medicine is making me sick, but I can’t breathe without it. What am I supposed to do? I feel like I need to see a doctor, but I’m not…as of right now.

not going back to my old ways

I’ve been sick for over a week. I’m feeling a little better now. It was so bad that I had to go to Walmart at midnight to get medicine because I couldn’t breathe. I rarely leave my house (just ask my nosy neighbors) so that was a huge deal. The medicine barely helped. I have to stick with children’s cold medicine from here on out. No more expensive Mucinex. Dimetapp works wonders.

My cold has really put a big dent in my cleaning/decluttering. I haven’t felt like doing anything. Hopefully this weekend, I’ll be ready to go.

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I know I sound like a broken record on this topic, but I’m going to speak out because that is what I do. 6 high school football players have died so far this year. What more does it take for people to get it? It’s so sad. And preventable. I hope there are no more deaths this year. Imagine if this were the NFL. Would there be outrage? Would people think before they watch? Hmmm. #BoycottFootball

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Another broken record issue: I know what people think of me. I don’t care. It does bother me when people feel the need to point it out as if I don’t know. You aren’t raising a unique point of view. You are just like everyone else. Good for you? Sigh. Newsflash: You’re not perfect either. Should I start naming your flaws? Who cares. She’s just another person interested in labeling my flaws. Get a ticket and stand in line.

Maybe you feel the need to insult me because you are so dependent on others and are under a ton of stress. It sucks for it to be that way, but that isn’t my fault. You chose to take on a tremendous responsibility. I would have never done that because I know how hard it is. Life is already tough enough without voluntarily doing shit.

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LOL. My manager got on my coworkers for spreading rumors about me. haha. I work at home and they are still talking. I must be so fascinating. 😉 I can’t say much more than that.

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Is it weird that I have a date for my first “real” Michael Kors handbag outing? It is on November 9. I’m going to have my car inspected. Instead of waiting, I’m going to the mall. I am not planning on buying anything. I have been to that mall without buying anything so I can say that with confidence. Just window shopping. I’ve been using my Mizrahi bag exclusively. I will be using my Madewell tote bag more because it is bigger (pic and video below). I have everything covered now. A small-ish crossbody, a medium bag and a large tote. That is all I need.

NO MORE BAGS…but here is my Madewell Transport Tote. I’ve never introduced it on this blog so here goes. It is perfect for traveling, but I use it whenever.

madewelltote

This bag is very popular, but there aren’t that many reviews on YouTube for some reason. It is bigger than it appears in that video. It’s huge.

This week I…

Music of the week: Demi Lovato, Tank, Carrie Underwood, Stacy Barthe, Janet Jackson, Jewel, Selena Gomez,  Carly Rae Jepsen

TV of the week:  Lost (season 2), Benghazi Committee grilling Clinton

Movie of the week:  Still Alice. LOVED this movie. I read the book a year ago. The movie is just as good, if not better.

Books of the week:  Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock and Manifest Your Destiny: The Nine Spiritual Principles for Getting Everything You Want by Wayne W. Dyer

Planner update: 

The Happy Planner
The Happy Planner

I enjoy using this planner, but I feel like it is a little flimsy. I’m definitely going back to my 6 ring system in June 2016. I’m going to buy the Inkwell Press A5 inserts and use them in my gold Kikki.K. I’m doing another planner YouTube video! My nerves. This one will be about my planner system for 2016. My first and very, very bad planner video has over 850 views! It is so horrible. I was nervous. Anyway, I’ll probably do that video in January.

I’m feeling much better than when I started typing this entry on Wednesday. Yay for decluttering the living room! That is what I’ll be doing this weekend.

I’ve had dinner and a nap. I’m going back to work for a little while.