you can’t go home again

I’m typing this after I wrote what is below the line. I was approved for the short sale! YAY. But after talking to my realtor she’s like, “I don’t know if we will be able to sell this before December 1”. Well the bank gives me until December 1 to sell. She said there are such things as extensions so I guess I could ask for that. They only took $4,000 off the sale price. I don’t know anyone who only got that little taken off. Of course it may have been because I didn’t pay a lot for the house to begin with.

So I may not have my townhouse/apartment for a while. 😦

Good news: I made an A on my final. More importantly, I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!1!!!1!! 🙂 🙂


When I say I wish I were normal, what do I mean? The simple things. For example, I would like to be able to live in an apartment. How did I get into this house mess in the first place? Because I was freaking out over the apartment noise. I got tired of sleeping in my car etc. But guess what? If this short sale goes through, I’m trying it again! (smart). But this time I’m moving to a townhouse. At least I won’t have people below or above me. I have only found ONE acceptable place in my current city*. I even looked at other cities and couldn’t find anything but that is fine because I like my current hometown.

*Actually this place is in the suburbs. I would love to find a townhouse in the city. I’ve always wanted to live downtown.

There are at least two downsides to this townhouse complex. One being that there isn’t a washer/dryer in the unit. However, they do have the hookups. The cheapest washer and dryer combo I’ve seen is $1,000. Well I don’t do that much laundry for it to be a huge concern. I can just use their laundry room plus I can go to my mom’s once a month to use hers.  I won’t be buying one unless I love it there (PLEASE!) and decide to live there for years. The other downside you will see in the pics. 😉

Here are pics of the only place I find acceptable near the city. It is a 1 bedroom and has 1.5 baths.


Yes they give you an EMPTY laundry room. I will probably use it as a junk room. It looks like a closet in the pics.

full bathroom

This may seem like an ordinary bathroom but to me it is more. I LOVE where they have the vanity sink….away from the toilet. Yes!! 🙂


I could use more closet space but otherwise just a regular bedroom.

dining room

I have never had a dining room table in my life. I always use the dining room area as an office. I don’t know where my home office will be. I may be getting my first tiny dining room table.


I really like this kitchen. Stainless steel appliances!!! No white stuff. Please tell me all the apartments come with this.

living room

Typical living room. That is bigger than the living room in my house. In fact this whole apartment is bigger than my house.

the “patio”

Here is what I HATE. Where do I begin? I’m big on having a patio/balcony. That is a deal breaker to me. I have to have something but this??? WTF? First, you can see the neighbors on both sides of you through the fence. Who would want that??? Who built this “fence”? I have never seen anything like it. Then who knows what you will be facing. There is a space for people to walk their dogs. There is a lot of just grass which is a good thing but do you want to see random people when you are on your “patio”?  There is also a pool and a lake but I doubt any townhouses face those but who knows. I was so disappointed when I saw this picture.

But I want the 1.5 bathrooms and the kitchen. Plus this is the only acceptable place I can afford. (I use the word “afford” loosely). So I guess I will have to deal with this horrible patio. No privacy whatsoever. Who leaves stuff out there? I was just planning on leaving plants out there. But I don’t know…I’ve had something stolen from a more private patio before.

I do like the grounds. I used to walk daily around my other apartment complex. I loved starting my day off that way.

the complex

There is also a pretty big lake. I’m going to visit this place soon to really walk around to make sure this is really the place. Well if it is meant to be, I hope it works out. I will explain why the dreamhouse isn’t happening later. An apartment is the only real option at this point.


When I was living in an apartment, I used to sleep in my car at night to escape the noise. When I wasn’t in my car, I was too afraid to move in my apartment. I would just sit still. I still do that today sometimes. Due to the noise, I brought a house in one week. I didn’t dream of having a house. I wanted to like living in apartments. But the noise was too much.  Years before I brought the house, the noise drove me to a motel room with a knife. I wrote a short suicide note and I was going to kill myself. I was too much of a coward so I’m still here.

Noise anxiety has ruined my life. If anyone wants to see how it manifests: here it is. It can take over your life.

I thought I had paid enough for buying a house in a week. I paid my dues. Or maybe not. Now I may be “short selling” my house. I have great credit. What will that do to it? I don’t have much. Good credit was something I had. Even if it doesn’t mess up my credit, will I be able to buy a house anytime soon? I’m paying big time just because I got sick of being paralyzed and sleeping in my car.

Now what? I would love to be able to live in an apartment. But since I work at home, that is so fucking scary. I’m stuck there for 8+ hours a day. I can’t runaway from the noise. I could lose my job easily that way. I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford to rent a house.

I’m screwed. Stuck. All due to……???

I may not be able to short sell. That could be a good thing because then I won’t have to worry about the not being able to buy a house/credit thing. But I would be out of a LOT of money. I may not be able to finish school in the fall. Registration starts soon. I need to know.

With all this being said, I didn’t know selling a house was so expensive, I will be spending the next 2-3 days packing up everything in my house. I won’t be moving it yet though.

Update: A short sell will remain on my credit for 7 years HOWEVER, since I’m not behind on my mortgage payments I could still purchase a house if I had the down payment, income requirements etc. {source}. Right now I don’t have the down payment so heh. :/

Another Update: I think I’m going to just take a HUGE financial hit instead of doing a short sale. As in, no $$ left after the regular sale and max out my credit cards. What a price to pay.

Update #3 – Nah, I’m going to try to get approved for the short sale. I could get denied and then I’ll have to take the hit.


On to happier topics: My kids. Now I get why people post pics of their kids and stuff. LOL. I brought another betta fish. I feel guilty. Was it selfish? Was it the right thing to do or was I was so desperate for a fish? This is why I could never have kids. If buying a fish makes me question everything, I could never get through the adoption process. Anyhow, I brought Storm. He is gorgeous. He is a half moon betta which basically means he has this beautiful tail.

Unlike my last betta, this fish eats so I think he’ll live. I’m surprised my other fish lasted 3 weeks without eating anything. Here is a pic of Storm:


I put way too many rocks in the aquarium. I brought a 10lb bag of rocks and went a little nuts. The rocks make it harder to clean and it means less water for the fish. What was I thinking? He likes to hide in his fish cave. I have a few live plants in there but the big one is fake.

Guess what? I also have video of Storm!

I moved my frogs into a 2.5 gallon tank. This time they didn’t almost drown. I won’t feel good about the move until they have been in there for 24 hours. You won’t believe this but I also have video of my two frogs: M & M.

All the green plants are real plants. I think they like this new home. 🙂