No apologies

I made my last car payment today! AHHHHHH. I’m a pessimist (or a realist as I like to say) so I’m not really celebrating. But I can give a quiet “yay.”

No work for me today or tomorrow.  Today I went shopping for December 25th AKA gift exchange day. I’m done! I went to five stores. I never do that in one day. But I really wanted to get this out of the way. I usually shop online, but this year I did most of my shopping in person. The stores were sorta crowded for a Thursday morning and it is only December 1. Can you imagine how worse it will get? This is why I hate this time of year. I’m trying to get my basics and everyone is doing holiday shopping and crowding the damn stores.

I used to feel like I had to spend a lot for gift exchange day and therefore, I dreaded it. But now I just buy people what they ask for and not much more. LOL. It would be nice to just buy nothing, but I always relent. It’s fine because I don’t go all out or feel like I have to buy anyone something special.

All I’m getting for December 25th is ink pens and hopefully an ink pen case.  I would say that is all I want, but I would love planner stickers. Don’t laugh. But no one knows about the whole planner sticker thing, and I won’t even try to explain. SO I went to Michael’s today and purchased my own planner stickers. Three books worth (over 3,500 stickers!!) . They were on sale for 30% off. I figured everyone is getting what they want for Xmas, I can buy myself something too.

I’m not currently eating compulsively, but then I want to spend. It’s a no-win situation. I’m thankful for people who get it. No one’s perfect. I appreciate people with compassion and empathy. I think that is one of the reasons I like to listen to meetings with people who struggle with these things. No judgment (for the most part).

I’m down to 138.2 pounds 🙂  I hate going out like I did today. I was so tempted to grab a burger and fries. But my goal is to be healthy, and I can’t be healthy if I eat that junk weekly. I SURVIVED TODAY with no junk food. I did go to Starbucks to pick up a vanilla iced coffee. Unnecessary calories but I didn’t get a muffin like I normally would.

I’m feeling overwhelmed with my class. I had no idea the last few tests and quizzes are NOT multiple choice. I’ve been doing great on the multiple choice tests. Now they want me to fill in the blank. *SOB* This is going to be so hard. I’ve had a few “practices” with filling in the blank and I suck at it. I made a 65 on the last practicum.  I have to make at least a 70 on each test. Have to or I won’t be able to move on. No pressure there.

The final exam is multiple choice. It consists of 80 questions, and I have a 4-hour limit. I’m planning on taking it on December 24. I’m dropping my dog off at my mom’s even though he probably wouldn’t be a problem if I kept him. I don’t want to take any chances.

I forgot to mention that I picked up my professional photo. OMG. I love it. haha. I gave it to my mom. Thankfully she loves it too. Now I (we?) have to get it framed. I don’t want to deal with that, but I think she expects me to buy the frame. I don’t know anything about frames, but I’ll do it. I guess.

This week I…

Music of the week: Lissie, Miranda Lambert,  A Tribe Called Quest, JoJo, Kate Voegele, Tori Kelly, The Weeknd, Lauren Aquilina

JoJo is coming! JoJo is coming! And I might go see her…if her tickets are NOT general admission. I don’t do general admission concerts. I’m not a huge JoJo fan, but she’s coming here (no travel for me) and the tickets are only $30. That’s cheap for a concert. She’s not coming until April, but the tickets go on sale next week. I think there is a 50% chance I will try to get a ticket. I can’t make up my mind.

TV of the week: Gilmore Girls,  basketball

I know all the smart people love Gilmore Girls. But I think it’s a little too cutesy. I used to occasionally watch it while it was on, but I haven’t seen every episode, so I’m watching the old episodes now.

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: still reading The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin and  The Binge Eating and Compulsive Eating Workbook by Carolyn Coker Ross

Just started The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein.

Planner Update: Plans in my neutral Erin Condren planner –

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Plans for the Weekend: Studying and taking a quiz and a test. I should have more work from my part-time job soon. I’m still waiting for the email. I’m getting paid $465 for November’s work. Not bad, but I wanted more. We ran out of work so I couldn’t make more. I’ve been enjoying my time off. Lots of dance parties. 😉

Tomorrow is clean up day. But my main priority is this class.  And hopefully I’ll get work, but I’m really enjoying the break.

Thanks for reading!!

Somebody once broke me

My official weight is 139.4. 😦 If I  When I start my new food plan tomorrow and stop compulsively eating; my weight will go down. I am exercising on most days. I average about 20 days out of the month. Yes, I could do better.

There is a 5% chance I might go to Vegas for my birthday instead of the state park. As you can see that is a very low percentage. I’m not counting on it. But I am thinking about it. I would only go so I can take my mom. My mom has never been out west so that would be fun. Last time I went by myself in October. It was so hot. What is May like there? It’s probably worse…right? ugh. I need to go during February.

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I went to Bath and Body Works today (Black Friday). Instead of going to the “dead mall,” I decided to go to the outdoor mall near me. It wasn’t crowded at all. That was great because it gave me time to smell “new to me” scents. I’m not that familiar with Bath and Body Works fragrances. I didn’t go to the other mall because I didn’t want to be tempted by Victoria’s Secret. I could use a new bra or two.

Anyhow, the special was buy 3, get 3 free.  Here is what I purchased (all full sized) –

  • Warm Vanilla Sugar body lotion (for my mom’s bday or Xmas)
  • Japanese Cherry Blossom body lotion (definitely for me – my fave)
  • Moon Light Path body lotion (new to me. fell in love with in the store)
  • Moon Light Path shower gel
  • Hello Beautiful shower gel (new to me. I love floral scents. obvs).
  • Vanilla Bean Noel body lotion (smells SO good. want to keep but will give to my  mom for bday or Xmas)

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They gave me a $10 off a $30 purchase coupon and I already have plans for that. I want a Vanilla Bean Noel lotion for myself (Why didn’t I purchase TWO? ugh!) . It looks like it is just around for Christmas so I will go back there soon and pick up a bottle along with other items once I know what I love.

This week I…

Music of the week: Miranda Lambert, Rihanna, Little Mix, Lori McKenna, Solange, A Tribe Called Quest, Bruno Mars, JoJo

I started working on my top 16 albums of 2016. I know thousands are waiting for this list. 😉 As of right now, I know what my #1 will be. But there might be one more release before the end of the year.

TV of the week: The Crown,  basketball

I’ve been watching a lot of basketball (mostly college) recently. But let’s talk about The Crown! No spoilers.  What a good series and a good history lesson. I don’t keep up with royalty…at all. I don’t watch the weddings or read the gossip or even look at pictures. This show taught me a lot. I had no idea the Queen had so much to do with the Prime Minister. Who knew??! This show is so interesting. It isn’t the best show ever, but it is good, and I would recommend it.

The only thing I did know is that the Queen loves corgis. As a corgi lover, I adore that. My last dog (RIP) was a corgi mix, and my current dog is a corgi mix. They are the sweetest dogs. I LOVE CORGIS.

Movie of the week: none

Book of the week: The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin is a quick read. I’m about 40% through it. I’ve wanted to read this book forever, and it was finally available as an ebook from my library. I know I’m late.

Also reading The Binge Eating and Compulsive Eating Workbook by Carolyn Coker Ross. I’m on the part about food plans. I’m going grocery shopping on Sunday, and I’m using this book as inspiration. I’m so glad this book was available at my library at the right time.

Planner Update: This week’s plans in my neutral Erin Condren planner:

plannerec

Plans for the Weekend: Work. I’m glad to work this weekend because this will probably be my last weekend to work on this particular project. I thought it would last until mid-December. I read the numbers wrong. This is ending very soon, and now I’m worried I won’t be able to make as much money as I wanted. I just wanted to make at least $475 (like last month). But I’m not sure that is going to happen. My paycheck will be over $300 which is what I need, so I’ll be okay.

Other than that, I’m going to pick up my professional photo on Sunday. Nervous.

Have a nice weekend. 🙂

I keep the engine running

I’m thankful I don’t have to sit around a table and give thanks. HAHAHA. I’ve never been to a Thanksgiving dinner. Ever. I’m so thankful for that. ROFL. I crack myself up. 🙂

Anyway…Last year I read how Black Friday at the malls is mostly dead. Well, if that is true, isn’t that the perfect time for me to go to the mall? They still have deals. I’m thinking about it. I want to go to Bath & Bodyworks. My sister got me hooked on their Japenese Cherry Blossom lotion. That is now my fragrance. (I don’t wear perfume). So I want to try their shower gel while it will probably be on sale.

What if people are into shopping more this year than last? People keep saying Black Friday is dead. Well, that sounds good to me. Let me buy what no one wants. I would also go to Victoria’s Secret. I have nothing in mind I want to buy there, but if there is a sale, I’ll look around. That would probably be it for me. I would probably be too scared to go to J.C. Penny. Even at that dead mall, that store will have more people than usual on Black Friday. JCP will have bath towels on sale for $2.99! I want. 😉

Oh, and then there is Forever 21! Should I stop listing stores? I just want to look at their purses.  WTF is wrong with me? (don’t answer). For the record, I’ve never purchased a purse from F21, but I have drooled over one or two.

So I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I don’t think I’ve ever gone to a store on Black Friday. I’ve always been too scared of the crowds. I see nothing morally wrong with it since I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving and I think holidays are dumb. I hope most of the people working are making more than they usually make and maybe they want to get away from family??? That’s just me hoping.

Since I stopped therapy, I rarely leave the house these days. (sad, but true). So an outing to an unpopular mall sounds good. I can still work at my PT job before and after the mall. I’ll probably be gone for less than an hour. Yep, I think the mall and me have a date on Friday. I won’t spend more than $50.

I was going to do something stupid regarding food tonight. I didn’t do it. Good for me. I was so tempted.  Oh! I got the binge/compulsive eating workbook from the library. It is awesome so far. In fact, I’m going to get my journal and read the book right now. I’ll link the workbook in my next blog post.

Bye!

Fall/winter ThredUp Haul

I was supposed to wait until September to do this fall/winter haul, but I saw some great deals and couldn’t resist. This is my best ThredUp haul to date. It takes a while to get used to the site, so the first few were only semi-good. I also get my Erin Condren planner on Wednesday. I will be unboxing all this on Snapchat on Wednesday or Thursday (kat3x5). hahaha.  To get $10 off your first ThredUp order, please consider using my link. Okay, here we go:

Brand/name: Liz & Co turtleneck sweater

Price: 9.49 (sale)

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Brand/name: NY Collection sleeveless tank

Price: 7.99

(not exactly a winter item)

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Brand/name: Forever 21 jeans (NWT)

Price: 7.49

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Brand/name: Juicy Couture velour pants

Price: 4.49 (sale)

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Brand/name: Tommy Hilfiger pullover sweater

Price: 3.99 (sale)

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Brand/name: BeBe faux leather pants

Price: 27.99

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Brand/name: Free People jeans

Price: 21.99

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Brand/name: Lauren Jeans Co.

Price: 2.49 (sale)

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Brand/name: Fenn Wright Mason wool cardigan

Price: 19.99 (sale)

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Brand/name: Michael Kors jeans

Price: 18.99

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Brand/name: Free People jeggings

Price: 17.99

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Brand/name: Hot in Hollywood overalls ( NWT)

Price: 17.99

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Brand/name: Papermoon cardigan

Price: 15.49

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Brand/name: The Limited pullover sweater

Price: $14.99

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Brand/name: Calvin Klein Jeans pullover sweater

Price: 10.49 (sale)

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Brand/name: Old Navy sweatshirt

Price: 8.49

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Brand/name: AB Studio top

Price: 7.49

(I already have this top in blue).

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Brand/name: AB Studio top

Price: 4.99 (sale)

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Brand/name: AB Studio sweater dress (NWT)

Price: 19.49

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Brand/name: AB studio sweater dress

Price: 15.99

 

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Brand/name: AB Studio sweater dress

Price: 15.99

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I’m the most excited for the BeBe faux leather leggings. I got a chance to try a pair on, and I loved them. I rocked them. 😉 I love that they only have faux leather on the front so the pants won’t be too hot. So this is it. I’m not planning on ordering from ThredUp again for a couple of months. I just wanted to get fall and winter clothes.

ThredUp Haul #2

Here is my final (for a while) ThredUp haul. Get $10 off your first order by clicking on my referral link. The first part of my haul is here. And my LeTote giveaway is still going on. Check that out here.

Brand/name: Easy Spirit Wedges

Price: $19.49

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Brand/name: Splendid cardigan

Price: 25.99

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Brand/name: Cache cardigan

Price: 26.99

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Brand/name: Talbots cardigan

Price: 16.49

I love this cardigan. Lightweight.

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Brand/name: American Eagle Outfitters cardigan

Price: 10.49

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Brand/name: Chelsea Suite dress

Price: 10.49

I don’t know why I couldn’t see this when I ordered it but it is a little too long. I like either maxi dresses or right above the knee.

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Brand/name: Active by Old Navy t-shirt

Price: 9.99

So comfy.

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Brand/Name: Calvin Klein jumpsuit (NWT)

Price: 22.49

If I remember correctly, this is too long. I probably have to wear my wedges with this. (I don’t do heels).

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Brand/name: Adriano Goldschmied jeggings

Price: 25.99

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Brand/name: Crocs wedges (NWT)

Price: 14.99

UGH! These are the wrong size. They are marked at least one size too small. No wonder the person got rid of them NWT. I thought I could stretch them, so I decided against returning them. I cut off the tag to walk around outside so I couldn’t return them. I donated these shoes to The Purple Heart.

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Brand/name: Joe’s Jeans

Price: 32.99

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Brand/name: Divided by H&M kimono

Price: 9.49

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Brand/name: Dress Barn dress

Price: 15.49

This is gorgeous!

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Brand/name: Merona maxi skirt

Price: 5.99

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Brand/name:  Saint Tropez sleeveless blouse

Price: 13.99

In love with this.

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Brand/name: Steve Madden tote

Price: 41.49

I love quilted bags.

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Brand/name: Rebecca Minkoff Velvet Love Crossbody (NWT)

Price: 135.49

This bag might be NWT, but I can tell the person stored this for a while. IOW, she didn’t recently buy this bag.Who knows when she bought it. It is out of stock everywhere right now. Nothing is wrong with it, though. I need two pics for this beauty:

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Brand/name: Dorothy Perkins 3/4 sleeve top

Price: 6.99

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Brand/name: New York & Company blouse

Price: 4.99

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Brand/name: Express blouse

Price: 14.49

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Brand/name: New York & Company top

Price: 10.49

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That’s the end!! I’ve officially built my wardrobe back. I moved around a lot and let other people keep my clothes. Who knows what happened to my things? I sure don’t have my stuff anymore.  It doesn’t matter now because now I have stuff that somewhat flatters my body and stuff I LOVE.

Trunk Club review (#1)

Trunk Club is a styling service for men and women. If you live near a Trunk Club office, you can go in person and get styled, or you can have the clothes delivered to you. I had the clothes delivered to me. They have offices in Chicago, Dallas, LA, NYC, and DC. I’m planning to go to their office in DC to get personally styled. But I want to have enough money to splurge, so that is on hold. You keep and pay for what you like and send the rest back (free shipping both ways). There isn’t a styling fee.  All of my clothes came from Nordstrom, but I think they can pull clothes from other places as well.

I asked for a low price point and a casual maxi dress or skirt. I also told her I work from home and that I dress conservatively. Here is what my stylist (Brooke) sent me:

trunk1

Brand: Love, Fire

Cost: $52

Verdict:  I’m keeping this. I love maxi dresses, and this one fits. Love the color.

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Brand: Splendid

Cost: $178

Verdict:  Sending back. Um, vertical stripes?? NO. I don’t like this dress at all. It’s a little too dressy and definitely too pricey.

trunk3

Brand: Splendid

Cost: $68

Verdict: Sending back. Not my style and $68 for a t-shirt? It also hangs a little too low.

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Brand: Caslon

Cost: $68

Verdict: Sending back. I was so excited to receive this, but the fabric is too thin. Not worth it.

trunk5

Brand: Stem

Cost: $41 (on sale)

Verdict: Sending back. Way too long. I like it, but it drags on the floor.

trunk6

Brand: Halogen

Cost: $68

Verdict: Keeping. I didn’t want to like this dress, but I do. I hate showing my legs, but I will wear pantyhose and a tall pair of boots. Winner.

trunk7

Brand: Nordstrom

Cost: $28

Verdict: Sending back. Just a pair of simple leggings. Nothing special. See below.

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Brand: Two by Vince Camuto

Cost: $49

Verdict: Sending back. I LOVE these, but they are too big. She sent a medium; I need a small. Maybe she will resend these to me? Or I may buy them straight from Nordstroms if my stylist isn’t responsive. They are so nice. They are called leggings but they are more like slacks. I don’t have a pair of black slacks.

Update: Brooke is sending me the above leggings in a size small. I’m not getting another trunk for now.

Overall, I’m pleased with the items. I’m only keeping 2 out of 7, but I liked 3 out of 7. One is a sizing issue. I hear they expect you to keep at least 1-2 items per trunk so not bad.

———–

Most trunks come with 15 items, but since I asked for items below $75, she sent what she called a “small trunk.” I would NOT recommend going that low. I would ask for items below $125-$150 if I had to do it again. The stylist will tell you that Trunk Club is a premium clothing service and blah, blah. So don’t ask for clothes under $75 even though they do have clothes under that price point, they clearly don’t like being asked for that. (Not based only on my experience, but also reading the experience of others).

From all the research I’ve done, I feel confident Trunk Club is a good company. However, it is all about the stylist. There are a few bad apples out there. They don’t respond to emails or on the app. Brooke will call you as soon as you sign up. That’s what she did with me a few months ago. She responds quickly to messages and will treat you with respect. I recommend her. I haven’t heard one bad word about her.

I will update this post if Brooke decides to send a follow-up trunk like many stylists do.

I’m getting my first Stitch Fix on April 14th. I’m excited to try them. Their clothes cost less than Trunk Club.  I will do a short entry on SF when I get my first box. Thanks for reading!

I feel a surge coming over me

Warning: long entry

I haven’t had water for so long…I don’t even know how long it has been. ( 8 or 9 days?) I would love to be able to shower when I want. Or to be able to wash my food so I can cook it. I had to go to my mom’s house to shower today.  Forget water (not really), MY JURY DUTY WAS CANCELLED! Woohoo! It doesn’t mean it is over. I’m still on call until early March. I was thrilled to get that call…but I had to work on Thursday. LOL. I was actually looking a little forward to a 4 day vacay from work.  At least I’m off today. 3 day vacay!

I have an official name for my Etsy shop. I just added “Miss” to my dream title. It’s brilliant, I know. (sarcasm). I registered it. Now I just have to list stuff to sell. ha.

I got my $150 worth of stuff from Amazon.* In case anyone missed it: I won a gift card for that amount. I didn’t just buy this stuff with MY money. I love stuff but not this much. 😉 And the haters at work are gonna hate. WOW. Being a lucky bitch can bring out the worst in some people…or most people. Or ALL people. 😉

Back to the stuff. *I got most of my stuff. One of my packages is missing. Amazon split my order into 6 packages. (thx amazon!) UPS was not ready for the snow. They were understaffed. I had to go pick up my stuff because it was never going to come. I drove 25 minutes to get to the UPS center.  Most of my packages were in horrible shape BUT the stuff inside was  surprisingly okay. And my Pilot FriXion Erasable Gel Pens, 3-Pack are MIA. I’m not really worried about it. I will probably contact Amazon in a week and they will send me a replacement.  They have really good customer service or maybe UPS will get back on their feet and deliver my stuff but after hearing and seeing how chaotic everything is  there, I don’t think they are going to find that tiny package. The flimsy envelope (thanks again Amazon!) is probably sitting somewhere destroyed. And I bet someone just took the pens for themselves.

Picture time:

FIRST let me post what I brought today with my Macy’s Xmas gift card:

Nine West Hadley Tote
Nine West Hadley Tote

The black one looks so much better but I would have had to pay more out of my pocket. So I decided to go with the silver. I love silver….just not when it comes to bags. It is a Nine West bag. I used to be a loyal Nine West handbag person for YEARS. Then I started buying other brands.

Anyhow, this Hadley tote bag retails at $79. All the bags (except silver) are on sale today at Macy’s for $46. There was one silver left and it was cheaper than the black bags because someone returned it so I decided to go with it. I blame Organized Like Jen for me buying this bag. She recently posted about a big $150 Cuyana bag she brought and I had to have one like that after I saw hers.  So thanks Jen! 🙂 This bag is so large, I will only use it for getaways or when I have to have a bunch of stuff with me (like today).

Now onto Amazon’s things. Here is my new Epson XP-310 Wireless Color Photo Printer:

sleek looking printer
sleek looking printer

It is already being a pain in the ass. LOL. But I read the reviews first and I knew what would probably happen. I’m going to try to fix everything by tomorrow. At least the wireless is set up and it prints.

OMG. People were so right about Staedtler Triplus Fineliner Pens! They are awesome. I didn’t know what to expect. People raved about the Flair pens too but I’m going to give mine away in gift bags and RAKs (random acts of kindness).  The Flair pens are like markers. I don’t want to write with freaking markers in my planners or anywhere! But the Staedtler pens – drool. I’m thinking about asking for the 20 pack for my birthday. How nerdy is that? Try the Staedtler pens. You won’t reget it.

I can’t say enough good things about Project Life Kit, Mini, Gold Foil. I didn’t think I liked gold until I saw this:

Heidi Swapp gold kit
Heidi Swapp gold kit

I’m going to play around with this tonight and make some stuff for my planners. There are duplicates so I will give some of this kit away in RAKs.

What else can I blab about? One last thing. No picture for this. Omron HJ-203 Pedometer with Activity Tracker I will be using this everyday starting tomorrow. I need some motivation since it is so cold so I’m hoping this will help. I can’t wait until March/April when I can take my dog to the park during my lunch break (once a week).

Should I add “weekly” to this entry? This is the longest. entry. evah. I have to end the week this way…since I watched TWO movies this week. Yes, I have turned into a cinephile. No, not really.

This Week I…

Music for the week:  Imagine Dragons, Sam Smith, Carrie Underwood, Paloma Faith, Brandy Clark, Fifth Harmony, Whitney Houston, Butterfly Boucher

This entry is too long for me to go on about how good the new Imagine Dragons album is. (full of angst!)

TV for the week: My 6oo lb life, basketball

I’m watching a NBA game right now and that is why it took so, so, so long for me to type out this entry. side tracked.

Movies of the week: I wasn’t that impressed with In Your Eyes. I thought it was going to be more sci-fi instead it was more romantic comedy. I give it 3.5 stars out of 5. I only watched Labor Day because I really like Kate Winslet. What a surprise. It is a good movie. I enjoyed it more than most people who rated it. It probably is because of Kate. I only took forever to watch it because the reviews weren’t that good. 4 out of 5 stars. Now I want to read the book.

Books of the week: Get Rich, Lucky Bitch!: Release Your Money Blocks and Live a First Class Life by Denise Thomas – on page 241. Almost done. This book is probably too woo-woo for most people. I’ll do a review once I’m done.

Knitting Projects of the week: I only knitted one day this week – today while I was waiting for my oil to be changed. I worked on my purple cowl.

This is my longest entry ever! I think. Does it count as an entry if no one reads it? Does this count as a blog if no one reads it? ROFL. 😉 😉 😉 Now I can watch basketball with all my attention. Go Wizards!

I can’t pretend anymore

I have a problem. Anyone reading this is probably saying, “no shit”. Anyway, at night time all of my anxiety goes away…unless people (or noise) is around. That sounds like a good thing, right? But a little anxiety is good for you. I participated in small business Saturday without meaning to. WTF was I thinking? I “only” spent $34 but that money could go to a lot of things.

At night, I’m free. I’m not as anxious about money as I am during the day. KEEP ME AWAY from online stores at night. I usually don’t have that problem because I’m not usually surfing the net at night. But when I do…trouble! Sigh. What did I buy? Knitting stuff, of course. Knitting is getting me into all sorts of trouble. I’d rather knit than study. I’m spending waaaaay too much money on it and I’m not even buying the expensive yarn.

I need an intervention but no one is going to do one. LOL. So I must do it myself. I just spend money and then feel guilty. 😦 I will stop because I do hate debt and I like having a savings…but sometimes when I make extra money, things get a little nuts. This knitting obsession has to go away eventually. ?? I don’t know. I feel like I have accomplished something when I knit (or read, or study or DO anything). But knitting can cost money. However, it does not have to be expensive. AT ALL.

With all this being said, I will post pics of my new stuff on the blog. Cause it pertains to knitting and I’m excited about it. I love this stuff…help me!

In knitting news, I finished my chunky scarf (yay!) and I made progress on my afghan. Pics coming later this week.

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Spin class: I went back for the 3rd time. I’m finally getting the hang of it. Some of the instructor’s snarky comments are getting on my nerves though. Look woman, I’m new at this (and she knows this). You are an instructor. You are supposed to be excellent at it. BUT I’m trying this new thing of not giving a shit about what other people think or say. Step #1: Go to spin class. Do it wrong. Who cares? I’m still burning calories and sweating. That’s the point.  I’ve never even been on a real bike! Whatevs. Just keep spinning.

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Missing Ohio State football player found dead. He committed suicide. He also had a history of concussions. Please consider not supporting football until the NFL and NCAA do the right thing. (I don’t even know what the right thing is at this point. Perhaps football is just too violent).

————

I meant to post the following in my last post but I could not find it. I was googling “Brian Williams”. His name is Benjamin Watson. Anyhow, this is almost exactly how I feel about Ferguson.

At some point while I was playing or preparing to play Monday Night Football, the news broke about the Ferguson Decision. After trying to figure out how I felt, I decided to write it down. Here are my thoughts:

I’M ANGRY because the stories of injustice that have been passed down for generations seem to be continuing before our very eyes.

I’M FRUSTRATED, because pop culture, music and movies glorify these types of police citizen altercations and promote an invincible attitude that continues to get young men killed in real life, away from safety movie sets and music studios.

I’M FEARFUL because in the back of my mind I know that although I’m a law abiding citizen I could still be looked upon as a “threat” to those who don’t know me. So I will continue to have to go the extra mile to earn the benefit of the doubt.

I’M EMBARRASSED because the looting, violent protests, and law breaking only confirm, and in the minds of many, validate, the stereotypes and thus the inferior treatment.

I’M SAD, because another young life was lost from his family, the racial divide has widened, a community is in shambles, accusations, insensitivity hurt and hatred are boiling over, and we may never know the truth about what happened that day.

I’M SYMPATHETIC, because I wasn’t there so I don’t know exactly what happened. Maybe Darren Wilson acted within his rights and duty as an officer of the law and killed Michael Brown in self defense like any of us would in the circumstance. Now he has to fear the backlash against himself and his loved ones when he was only doing his job. What a horrible thing to endure. OR maybe he provoked Michael and ignited the series of events that led to him eventually murdering the young man to prove a point.

I’M OFFENDED, because of the insulting comments I’ve seen that are not only insensitive but dismissive to the painful experiences of others.

I’M CONFUSED, because I don’t know why it’s so hard to obey a policeman. You will not win!!! And I don’t know why some policeman (sic) abuse their power. Power is a responsibility, not a weapon to brandish and lord over the populace.

I’M INTROSPECTIVE, because sometimes I want to take “our” side without looking at the facts in situations like these. Sometimes I feel like it’s us against them. Sometimes I’m just as prejudiced as people I point fingers at. And that’s not right. How can I look at white skin and make assumptions but not want assumptions made about me? That’s not right.

I’M HOPELESS, because I’ve lived long enough to expect things like this to continue to happen. I’m not surprised and at some point my little children are going to inherit the weight of being a minority and all that it entails.

I’M HOPEFUL, because I know that while we still have race issues in America, we enjoy a much different normal than those of our parents and grandparents. I see it in my personal relationships with teammates, friends and mentors. And it’s a beautiful thing.

I’M ENCOURAGED, because ultimately the problem is not a SKIN problem, it is a SIN problem. SIN is the reason we rebel against authority. SIN is the reason we abuse our authority. SIN is the reason we are racist, prejudiced and lie to cover for our own. SIN is the reason we riot, loot and burn. BUT I’M ENCOURAGED because God has provided a solution for sin through the his son Jesus and with it, a transformed heart and mind. One that’s capable of looking past the outward and seeing what’s truly important in every human being. The cure for the Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice and Eric Garner tragedies is not education or exposure. It’s the Gospel. So, finally, I’M ENCOURAGED because the Gospel gives mankind hope.

The only thing I don’t agree with is the whole last paragraph. I guess he is a Christian. But I thought I would post the whole thing. These are my last words on the issue. He said what I wanted to say much more eloquently.

I’d rather die alive

I took the board exam yesterday. I wish I could feel like it’s over but it isn’t. I’m not certain that I failed….or passed. I would be shocked – SHOCKED- if I passed. It would be a miracle. But it is possible. I didn’t finish it. I did fill in every answer (no penalty for guessing). So I don’t know. I just have to wait for a few days.

My biggest mistake was how I started the exam. I spent the first hour going in order instead of answering the easier questions first. Eventually I realized if I wanted any chance of finishing, I’d better answer the quicker questions NOW. I also took about an 8 minute break halfway through. I don’t regret it but I definitely could have used that time. I haven’t sat for 6 hours straight since I took a bus to NYC about 8 years ago. During my break I ate a child sized peanut butter and jelly sandwich from Panera Bread. It was $4.99 (overpriced!…but tasty).

And now I wait. If I don’t pass, I’m thinking about taking it again in early September. Not sure. That seems so soon. Too soon.

There were panic moments but no panic attacks…thank Buddha. Before the test I was so anxious that I was nauseous. I couldn’t eat until I got to the testing center. The panic really scared me. Tears were running down my cheeks. I thought I wasn’t going to be able to take the test.

Two other things are really on my mind: Getting a part-time job & the work gathering on Thursday :/ I brought a job interview outfit today (have to spend money to make money) and I’m going to start studying for interviews this week. What fun. Here are my interview shoes:

shoes
shoes

I’m not a shoe person. Don’t get me wrong, I do like shoes. I would just rather not spend money on them but since I keep moving, I keep misplacing my dressy clothes and shoes. I’ve been wearing the same flats for about 4 years. I’m not kidding. Anyhow, I really like these shoes. I can walk in them!  To me those are high heels. I can’t walk in real high heels.

I ended up buying a black lacy dress instead of a suit:

little black dress?
little black dress?

I tried to avoid black at all costs but it is a cute dress and it isn’t all black.  I brought a nice shawl type thing to go with it. One interview outfit is all I need…hopefully. If only I could purchase the ability to talk coherently. That would be priceless.

Weekly

Music for the week:  Jason Mraz, Sia, Ed Sheeran, Lucy Hale, Mary J. Blige, Emeli Sande, Colbie Cailliat, Ariana Grande

TV for the week:  Pretty Little Liars, Big Brother

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week:  Why Have Kids?: A New Mom Explores the Truth About Parenting and Happiness by Jessica Valenti  (This book is for parents. But I love Jessica so much that I’ll read anything she writes. I would recommend this to people who want to be parents. It isn’t warm & fuzzy like most parenting books. What shocked me the most so far is that in 2006, The Washington Post printed an article on how all women should prepare their bodies for motherhood. In 2006!!!??! I thought I read the year wrong….and the title of the newspaper. WTF? The book covers a lot. She talks about how kids don’t automatically bring happiness (obvious?). She also covers the political aspects of motherhood. I hope she has another book coming out soon). Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Mark Williams (only on week one).

I finally get to read for fun again…for now. I’m also browsing job interview books.

Knitting projects of the week: All I wanted to do this week was knit. I wanted to start so many things but I held myself back. Instead I worked on what I already had on the needles. Here is my scarf:

scarf
scarf

As you can see, I made a mistake on a row but this time I could sort of fix it instead of starting over.

I also made a mistake on my hat but I just kept knitting. That is my motto: Just Keep Knitting. 😉

hat
hat

 

still like hotels, but I think that’ll change

nice
nice

I’m back from my solo getaway. It was nice and relaxing. I stayed at Hilton Hotel and Spa. It was a free night from hotels.com.   I’ll start with the drawbacks of the hotel first:

  • no microwave (yet there is a mini fridge)
  • the slamming doors (AHH! Why do some hotels have this issue? I had to be extremely careful and slowly close the door each time or else it would slam. Do you think everyone did that? Really? Whoever decision that was…I could strangle you. So people with small kids or people who have to sleep abnormal hours: stay away)
  • No bathtub would be a drawback for some. The only problem I had with the bathroom was the water in the shower only stayed hot for 5 minutes then it went lukewarm.

I loved the decor. I had breakfast in the hotel. That was better than average. The pool is probably awesome but I wouldn’t know since it was never empty. Even at 6:45AM this morning someone was there working on it. The gym was great. It was empty several times. I used the treadmill once.

So instead of the Hilton, I would recommend people stay at the Sheraton…only because of the slamming doors. I can’t stand that. Obvs. 😉 Note to self: Anytime I think living in an apartment/townhouse might be an option, stay at a hotel for a few nights. That’ll change my mind.

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I had a Macy’s gift card from Xmas. Damage was done yesterday.

I'm in love!
I’m in love!

I shouldn’t be saying this in an anonymous blog but I’m wearing this to the spring gathering that I’m being forced to go to. I hope they cancel it. I can wear that blouse anywhere.

I have a couple of options for bottoms:

option 1
option 1
option 2
option 2

Ripped jeans are probably out and I should probably stop shopping in the juniors section but I don’t love the jeans in the women’s section. They’re just okay. blah.

Anyway, I was glad to go to Macy’s -one of my favorite stores- and actually buy stuff. No more new stuff. I hope to go to a thrift store this summer.

Weekly

Music for the week: Ingrid Michaelson, Ellie Goulding, Lea Michele, Christina Perri, Joan Osborne, Juanes, D’Angelo, Eric Hutchinson

Loving the new Ingrid.

TV for the week: NBA playoffs, Desperate Housewives

Wow, I forgot how much I live for the playoffs. Yesterday was great. Looking forward to another great day of ball today.

Movie of the week:  12 Years a Slave

I finally watched it. It was okay. It is not a must see film. I would recommend just reading the book. Everything is identical to the book. The film didn’t add a lot for me. (I started the audio book but didn’t finish it…not because it sucked, I rarely finish audio books).

Books of the week:    Hidden by Catherine McKenzie, Die My Love by Kathryn Casey, Forgiveness: 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything by Iyanla Vanzant

I haven’t been doing a lot of reading lately. I’ve been knitting and playing Monopoly (when not working/doing school work). My goal is to finish at least one of these books this week.