desires of the heart never stay the same

Confession: I sort of hated Joan Rivers…until I saw her documentary and I realized how hard she worked, she was a trailblazer etc. I spent most of my life thinking she was just mean. (To this day I won’t watch comedians who pick on people. I still don’t find that funny).  I feel like she has been there my whole life and she has! She never stopped working. Rest in peace.


Those damn shoes! There is no way I’m wearing them to Vegas. Those pieces of crap – or should I say the left shoe – hurts my foot. It has nothing to do with how long I’ve been walking, it is just how long I’ve been wearing the shoe. I’m wearing my worn out, lightweight, 4 year old, Skechers to Vegas. I hate sending stuff back so I probably will keep the shoes. I can wear them for short periods and they look nice. 😉  The shoes are well made and probably awesome for someone with no major foot issues.

I have adult scoliosis and maybe flat feet. That can cause a lot of trouble and pain. I’m too scared to read more about it. Remember ignorance is bliss. I’d rather not know that I’m doomed with pain for life. Btw, it is not just foot pain it is also back pain. The foot pain just bothers me a little more.


#NoRedMeat (or pork)

baked chicken & salad
baked chicken & salad

ALERT: The following is turkey bacon….NOT pork.

turkey is white meat :)
turkey is white meat 🙂

Just to clarify (for myself – lol) I am not eating red meat OR pork. After not eating red meat for 5 days, there is one thing I have learned about myself: I cannot be a vegetarian. I love animals. I’m not ignorant about how the animals are treated but I have to eat meat. Okay, there is a chance that one day I will see food as just boring fuel. And then I could be a vegetarian. But until then….I will be eating white meat.

Meat outburst over. I have been eating more vegetables and fruit. I wanted to do a one day juice cleanse on day one of #NoRedMeat but I used the excuse of my blender being broken. I felt like my body was begging for a cleanse. I could just do a juice cleanse that requires no mixing. I’m going to buy a bottle of organic apple juice and do it one Saturday or Sunday. Soon. Probably next weekend.

I’m going to start drinking more water which is a big deal for me because I hate water. And I’m exercising more. yay me.


Music for the week:  Ariana Grande, Britney Spears, Ellie Goulding, Bethany Dillon, Mariah Carey, Jason Mraz, Maria Mena, Beyonce

I’m listening to Britney Spears because….I may go see her in Vegas on October 15th!! At this point it is all about the price of the tickets. I have a stub hub alert for anything under $80 BUT I just found out that the tickets often have to be brought in pairs. WTF? Edit: I did find a very expensive solo ticket so there is hope. I know someone who brought awesome seats in the very front for $60  from stub hub. Right now the ticket I want is $440. LOL. I don’t think so. I will probably end up sitting in the back for a regular priced ticket which is about $100. I may wait to the day of and pray that someone is selling a tic at the last minute.

I wish Britney shows were like they used to be but I tell myself that she is doing her best. That is all I care about. I could go see Shania Twain but like I’ve said I’ve already seen her so I’m trying for Britney. Britney and Vegas seem to go together well. I do get tickets to a free show. I am deciding between two musicals: A Beatles tribute or a Motown tribute. I know the Beatles show has gotten great reviews but I’m leaning towards Motown. I may just skip the free show if I am having too much fun….sure. 🙂

TV for the week: Big Brother, The Killing, college football

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: Vegetarian books plus:

The Goldfinch by Donna Tart (I’m enjoying it but it is waaaaaay too long to read in 3 weeks. I borrowed it from the library. I should just quit reading it but I can’t stop. I don’t know what the plan is…maybe buy the book? It would be great for a plane ride.)

Knitting projects of the week: I have my knitting mojo back. My house is so cold in the winter, I need to wear 2-3 layers of clothes at all times. So I want to finish my hat so I can have that. I also want to start my fingerless gloves ASAP so I will have those. Otherwise I will just end up ordering a pair and I don’t want to do that when I can TRY to make them. If I do order, I want these pair from Etsy. I may use my shawl as a layer too if it doesn’t look too nice to just wear around the house everyday. I call this Operation Freezing House.

shawl -  love the color
shawl – love the color

I have about 1 inch to knit on this hat before I start the decreases.

ribbed hat
ribbed hat

I’m so envious of knitters who can just buy patterns and knit them. That is my dream. I’m stuck in the beginner stage. I guess that is what happens when you teach yourself. I think if I devote more time to it, I can get better.  I’m trying…


I’m working overtime tomorrow. On Sunday I’m going to do a 30 minute walk even if it rains. That is all I feel like I have to do. Everything else is just fun, I guess: knitting, reading, college football (yes!), and a little studying. No studying is not fun but at least I don’t have to do it. I’m choosing to do it so I won’t lose my skills.

Bye. 🙂 I’ve been working since 5:30AM. I’m going to take a nap.

Haunted by you

“You are doing okay, right?”
“You’re fine, right?”

Me: Yes.

That is the only lie I can tell. I can tell that lie because it is only one word. I can’t convincingly lie about anything else.
I skipped yoga today because this week has been busy, busy, busy and I’m slightly behind with school work. I was planning on missing the class because I was feeling sick but as of yesterday, I started feeling better. It is always like this. The heavy nausea comes and goes. I think I now know what my physical problem is. It is my scoliosis. Unfortunately now I’m worried that I might need surgery. What if my organs are all messed up??? (That does/has happened to people). I’m probably 15 years too late for a back brace fix. So if you have scoliosis get it fixed when you are 10. Don’t wait and end up like me.

I still have the abdominal pain and now pain in my back and upper legs. My therapist thinks my nausea is 100% anxiety related. (Gotta love psych people!) I have no idea whether my organs being “smushed” or whatever is causing nausea. I just want to rule out any physical issues. Yeah, my nausea issues could be due to anxiety…I don’t know.
Basically I’m still overwhelmed with everything but I’m trying out the scheduling thing. And I’m trying to find different places to study. Today (instead of yoga) I studied outside. I may check out one of the university libraries for a different location to study. I’m mostly overwhelmed about the things I don’t have much control over like the DMV situation and the selling-my-house situation. Oh yeah, and going to the doctor.

Now I’m overwhelmed again. Plus I have to head a teleconference meeting next week at work. (super excited about that <– sarcasm). I will be off for one week soon. I WILL make it to the park for at least one morning. The rest of the time may be filled with errands. I was supposed to be going to North Carolina but that fell through so no major plans for my vacation from work. Studying and appointments is what I will be doing.
Pet update: My dog ate some of the frog’s food this morning. I hope she doesn’t turn into a big frog. Big frogs scare me. In fact I don’t like frogs any bigger than my dwarf frogs. My betta fish, Sky, is still living…..but he has some swelling underneath his face. 😦 I changed his water and placed aquarium salt in the aquarium. That is about all you can do with fish. He is moving around more this week than last but as long as the swelling is there, that can’t be good. I hope he isn’t in pain. 😦

Born for this

It takes acquired minds to taste this whine.



No, I’m not attached to this computer…. I LOVE IT! I love the feel of the keyboard. I love everything about it. It is awesome. I can’t wait to take it to the beach. It is so lightweight. I hope it lasts as long as my Compaq laptop. It is still going but it is slooooooow.

Believe it or not, I’ve never had a webcam before. I never needed one. I still don’t need one. This ProBook comes with one. It also comes with a microphone. I guess those two go together. I will be using the microphone. I need it for my Spanish language software and I like to record notes so I can study anywhere.

Here are the stats: HP ProBook 4530s LJ518UT 15.6′ LED Notebook – Core i3 i3-2330M 2.20GHz – Metallic Gray. SMART BUY 4530S I3-2330M 2.2G 4GB 500GB DVDRW 15.6IN WL W7HP 64 NOTEBK. 1366 x 768 WXGA Display – 4 GB RAM – 500 GB HDD – DVD-Writer – Intel HD 3000 Graphics Card – Webcam – Genuine Windows 7 Home Premium – 6.25 Hour Battery – HDMI

BTW, this was an early birthday present. My B-day is next month.

I’m so glad the weekend is here so I can try to set up everything on this computer. I know I’m going to have to go back to my old one for something.

Here’s another pic:


I went from doing nothing for my summer/spring vacation to maybe doing something. Maybe. Here is how I see it working out…or not.

1. President Obama rally (next weekend – 90% sure I’ll try. 15% sure I’ll see him or the 1st lady)

2. Beach trip (Mid May – 100% sure)

3. Christopher Hayes’ book signing (Mid June – 80% sure. I have to be at work the next day @ 6AM to host a speakerphone meeting. YIKES. Thank Buddha I can mostly read and look down. I don’t have to really talk or anything. Still horrified).

4. First trip to North Carolina and/or Duke University (Late June – 100% sure the NC part is happening. I don’t see myself going down there and not making it to Duke).

5. Dar Williams concert (Mid August. 50% sure. It just depends on what’s going on. I love Dar. She can’t make a bad album).

That’s enough for me.


I think my scoliosis is getting worse. I’m 31 so that is probably normal. I just don’t want to know about it. (denial). Eventually I will probably google it. I have a feeling that I should have had a surgery when I was a teenager. Bummer.  My back doesn’t hurt. It just feels really weird. Yes, that is the best description I can give. Haha. I can definitely feel the weirdness when I dance and I’ve been dancing daily. I need the endorphins because the drugs aren’t working. 🙂

I have to go pay for my summer school class. woohoo. School starts May 21.

I’m thrilled the NBA playoffs are starting this weekend. I’ve been sort of absent this season. After the lockout, I was really excited (understatement) when the season started on xmas day but as the season progressed it has been… I don’t know. Too many games stuffed into a short period of time. Too much going on. I stopped watching full games. Now I’m all in. Go Lakers!

shape-ups week 3

wordpress decided to erase my entry so here is the rough draft. ugh. 100 words less than what I’d intended:

Skechers Women’s Shape Ups-Metabolize Fitness Walking Shoe Week 3
Before I give a review, the following must be noted:
*I have a bad case of scoliosis (curvature of the spine). I should probably have worn a back brace when I was 10. I haven’t been to a doctor so I don’t know if it can be corrected at this point in my life.
*I have flat feet and/or just a very low arch (finally confirmed).
*I have debilitating foot pain when I walk more than 2 miles.
*I haven’t worn them every day for 3 weeks. I have probably worn them for about 7 days but that includes walking around in New York which adds 1,000 days.

I wore them today to walk around Walmart after not wearing them for 5 days. And it was sort of like starting over. I almost lost my balance more than once but I quickly adjusted. Unfortunately my ankle started hurting almost immediately. That may have been because I haven’t worn them in a week and I was walking like I would walk with normal shoes. That is a “no-no” in Shape-Up land.

The shoes are very comfortable. Many say they don’t take them off when they get home. I don’t wear shoes unless I’m going somewhere but I could wear these around the house. I don’t because not wearing shoes at home is a habit.

Normally I could run up 3 flights of stairs easily. Not with Shape-ups. It is a work out. I have to walk slowly up the stairs and sometimes stop to catch my breath. I’m also used to walking very fast. It is hard to walk fast with these shoes. So I just gave up and now I walk at a normal pace.

Since I have other physical problems, I’m really not the person to look to for a recommendation (unless you have the same issues). But I did notice that my posture is much better while wearing the Shape-Ups. Also, it does work out your legs, butt etc. You will feel it and know.

With my issues, I’m starting to think I should wear these shoes more often. I got on a machine that measures arches and it confirmed that my arch is low and something about not being able to put weight on the arch. I guess that leads to the pain but I also think scoliosis plays a big part too. I’m not wearing tennis shoes every day. I love to dress up at least twice a week. I would get the dressier Shape-Ups so I could wear them every day. Then I would get used to them. However, that is another $100. And I’m not spending that much on shoes. Not right now.

I would recommend these to people who walk for exercise. You will love them. Try them on for 5 minutes in the store and you will fall in love with how soft they feel. Definitely follow the directions and wear them for 20 minutes a day for a while. It takes time to get used to them. I didn’t do that because I needed them for vacation. At least give it 3 weeks of regular walking before you return them.

I’m definitely glad I brought mine. I just wish they were more comfortable while being still. (I didn’t follow the directions so…) On the second day, I was fidgeting so much at work. And all I was doing was sitting at my desk! I still have a hard time sitting/standing still while wearing them. Standing on that concrete floor in H&M was hell on my feet. But Skechers’ foot pros say these shoes are made for that. Huh? Is it my feet or the shoes? I think it is my feet/back because I don’t see this complaint much. At this point I would not wear these shoes if I had to stand ANYWHERE for longer than 30 minutes. I have to keep moving.