major fail

I want to say that just because you have a cell phone doesn’t mean you ANSWER IT or even turn it on. I have the cheapest possible plan. I don’t have a land line only because the line constantly went out so why bother? Anyhow, I usually shut down the cell phone at 4 or 5PM every day….except on Fridays. On Fridays I usually shut done at 1PM and don’t check my voice mail/texts until Monday around 9AM. Good luck getting in touch with me.

But people can’t grasp that concept. They think because you have a cell phone (or any phone) that you check your messages. NO. Unless I’m expecting a phone call, my cell is in my purse. I’m unavailable. I don’t even think about it. Maybe I should think more in a social way? Oh, stop being bitter. (<— talking to myself)

FUCK. I got a D or F in a class for the first time ever. I'm a A/B student. Long story short is that I turned in a blank test for the final. Yes, OMG! 😦 Even if I had checked my voice mail a little earlier, I don't think it would have helped. I sent her the test again. Less than 24 hours later…but guess who has two email addresses. FUCK!!!!!!!! I just replied to her. Apparently she doesn't check that email or something. Also I don't check my emails regularly unless I know something is coming. I'm a lost cause. I get distracted. Fuck.

Whatever. #Fail. Major. Over it.

(not really)

Tomorrow I will be at the flea market by 5:30 to sell. I'm more nervous than usual. I'm not used to selling mostly jewelry. The good thing is that it is eye catching so people will stop. I don't have to worry about that. Unfortunately it won't be that warm tomorrow so I may not be able to set up my jewelry displays due to wind but I'll try.

Sigh. And I only have one magic pill (abilify) until Thursday. Great. When should I take it? heh. Some random person who could be a doctor or just a knowledgeable person says Abilifiy lasts a week in your system. I hope that is true.

This is going to be a looooooong weekend. I hope the sell goes well.

How I Roll

Now that I don’t have the Twitter announcement for each blog post, I may blog more. Or am I procrastinating? I am so behind on studying for school. I can’t wait for school to be over! And I may not go back…for this certificate. I’m sort of over it at the moment. Finals are in less than a month. I will cram like crazy.

It does make me sad that my lack of concentration and motivation is affecting me like never before. I love learning and this stuff isn’t as boring as economics. I hated econ. I had to take part I and II. Hated it.

Besides being excited for school to be OVER. I have been getting ready for my mother’s day flea market sale. I’m selling mostly jewelry. But I am also looking into other things. I don’t have much time. I don’t even have a date for the sale. Last year’s sale didn’t go quite as planned. The first Saturday I went it rained. So I got up at 5am for nothing. The next weekend it was so windy that none of my jewelry displays would stand. Ugh. However, the sale went okay.

Thinking of picking a date is making me nervous. I don’t have many options if I want to sell before Mother’s Day. I think I will have enough to sell for more than one day. Maybe I will sell every other month through September…if it isn’t to painful. I don’t know. Once a year is enough for me.

I will have a pics galore. It should be fun???

I went to Target during lunch. I was supposed to go to Kroger but I passed it and figured why not? I’m also sort of back into couponing or so I thought. OMG, I don’t have enough patience to look for certain brands. I HATE shopping (excluding music and books). The last thing I wanted to do was be in Target. I brought a box of Fiber One bars and got 60 cents off. Woofreakinhoo!

I was so exasperated. There was a baby in every aisle…with a mom, of course. And then I kept dropping the coupons all over the floor. 😉 I felt so lame walking around with coupons! But saving is smart. I only clip coupons for what I normally buy. I am not giving up on this. But from now on I will only use coupons at places I’m very familiar with.

Gotta go.

from heaven

2011 started off shitty. Very shitty. March was awesome and I didn’t even do anything, 😉 (I would like to thank the The Selection Committee and VCU.) It is the feeling of aliveness. Yes 10% of me is wondering, “Will I feel a huge letdown when this is over?” It used to happen all the time. The Letdown. I think this will be different. It is kind of like going home after NYC. It was nice but dude, I gotta get back to my life. And right now college basketball is engulfing my life. I think I will be relieved whether VCU wins or loses tonight. In fact, if they win it will be more craziness….

This has been good. This is good.

I can’t for school to be OVER. I’m so over it. Now I know what I can or cannot do. Five more weeks, I think. School just stops my life. I already have work for that. Anyhow 5 more weeks.

I stopped taking Wellbutrin. I know that is not the right thing to do. NEVER do that. But he switched me to a normal dose. Well the normal dose comes in coated pills. Do you know how nasty that coated crap is to drink? I took it a week ago. I gagged. THE END. The low dose isn’t coated so I’m willing to try that. Will it be effective? Probably not because I don’t know anyone who stays on the low dose.

Perhaps I’m not feeling the effects of stopping the WB, because of this exhilarating VCU run. How do I explain this to a doctor? I’ve been going for more than a year. I don’t even want to think of trying to explain the effect of a sport on my life. He might get it but judging from past experiences, I say no. lol. Some people don’t comprehend how something like this can make you feel so joyful. “What does that have to do with you?” You know…

So I’m here, happy, a little nervous. And I don’t know where I’m going tonight. If VCU wins, I’m definitely going out…I have two projects due on Monday so I don’t want to go nuts. I want them to win but I know this is going to be a bit much.

(Just an FYI: I’m thinking about removing my twitter account. I want to continue to get my news from twitter but I don’t want my blogged linked there. Like most things online, I feel like the negativity can crush any good feeling so I don’t know. In case anyone wonder where my twitter feed on this blog has gone).

I Don’t Think About It

I hate when I waste time. I got home and didn’t get any school work done. Oh, it’s “spring break” but I have 2 long ass chapters to read, highlight and make note cards. I will NEVER take 3 classes again. The smartest thing I did in 2011, was drop the fourth class before it started. I would have had to drop it anyway. I’m so over school. WHY AM I DOING THIS? I will complete these tasks by Thursday night.

I have to be at work at 6AM tomorrow. Suuuure. I have such a hard time getting up. This morning I turned off the alarm and didn’t get up for another 30 minutes. I should try moving the alarm to another room. I hate noise so there is no way I won’t run to turn it off. But will I get back in bed?

I was on the phones for two hours a week ago. It was unexpected. I had no time for a pep talk. I sucked especially in the beginning. I didn’t do a very good job. I did answer all questions though. I just didn’t do the company expressions. I didn’t ask anyone if they had more questions (as if I want to answer more!). My attitude was “get the person off the phone”. Halfway through I realized I was breaking so many rules. So I tried to get some phrases in. Oh well, next time I will be ready.

I have two things I wanted to blog about but I have to get ready to go to bed. Up at 5:15AM tomorrow. 😉

Miss Invisible

::400 words erased cause I hate explaining myself::

So that’s that. I rarely talk sports in this blog but I love sports almost as much as music. I admit to losing interest if my team really sucks. I’m really loving the NBA right now. I’m not excited about March Madness this year. I usually consider that the sporting event of the year…yes better than the Superbowl. I’m more excited for the selection show this Sunday. I would like to see VCU get in even though I think they have NO chance whatsoever of getting selected. It would be nice if Virginia Tech got in but do they deserve it? They lost two games straight after beating Duke. argh.

I just don’t really care. I will watch it. I have to do a bracket to get myself interested. I’m sure my lack of interest is probably due to the ACC sucking. I follow the Big East but they just keep beating each other up. Georgetown starts off great then lose, lose, lose, win. In fact they lost today. Oops, spoiler! Sorry about that.

I may try blogging about sports more since I spend a lot of time watching it. It is a big part of my life. It started with the NBA in the late 80s (??) when Magic Johnson caught my eye. (Yep, I’m a life long Laker fan. Don’t get mad). I prefer listening/reading what others have to say.
I have homework to do. I can’t believe spring break isn’t right after mid-terms. Wouldn’t that be nice? Speaking of mid-terms I made an 88 on one and a 78 (ugh!) on the combined midterm. I don’t think I’ve ever made a 78 or lower on a midterm. I did take calculus so maybe I did and I’m just blocking that out. I love math (especially geometry) but calculus nearly killed me. Btw, how much of a joke is spring break? LOL. Even when I got my Bachelors and did the real college experience, I went NO WHERE for spring break. I was broke. I studied the whole time. /geek

I’m not freaking out over the 78 like I did when I first found out my grade. Now I know I have a B in all three classes so the 78 didn’t kill me. Well I’m going to try to keep the B or maybe I should aim higher and try for As.

I’ll blog more later. No more tweeting @ anyone. I will continue to text my tweets like I usually do and stay OFF twitter.

Don’t drink the water

This is the fifth day without water (in my house). The water was undrinkable anyways. I’m sure it had more toxins than the average American household. I didn’t have a lot of guests – LOL. But none of them would drink the water. They made sure to bring bottled water with them. Anyhow, I still need water. No shit right? I am more dehydrated than usual. I’m probably messing up my kidneys too. (Nothing is TMI for this blog).

Definitely LOSING!!!

I have today and tomorrow off. I have midterms. OMG. I’m so not ready. I’m taking of one tomorrow morning. This class requires two textbooks. Um, I lost one. Well I can’t find it at the moment. I lose everyday – but I have NEVER lost a textbook. I have to check my car again.


This isn’t a big deal and I probably shouldn’t mention it. But (ha) JNx was saying that “if I took that many days off, I would not be able/want to come to work”. Um, last week my plumbing “exploded”….in the house. They don’t know that. They also don’t know that I haven’t had water for 5 days. They also don’t know that ALL my plumbing has to be redone. Did I mention that? I have no days off in April. From July-August, I don’t expect to get a day off. I will try to get a day but last year it was impossible.

LOSING at everything.

I should get back to studying. I can’t even judge the effect of Welbutrin because all this shit is happening. I think antidepressants probably work better for people who don’t have a cause for their depression. But if depression is an effect of something else, anti-depressants only help a little. If at all. That is GENUIS. I’m sure no one else ever has said that.

I am a LOSER!! Don’t hang out with me. You have big houses and big TVs! 😉

If you aren’t helping….

I don’t know why I’m even going to take the mid-terms next week. I was going to finish all my study guides tonight. Get everything organized. But when I come home I hear this noise. It sounded like a regular electric heater (the ones that heat the whole house). But I don’t have one of those. I asked my cat, “What is that noise?” Keep in mind that my house is really tiny. Anyhow my cat didn’t answer. She looked nonchalant. Then she gave me the “give me my treats look!”

Then I walked around and saw the water on the floor. Oh, the water heater burst. It is spraying water everywhere. Great! I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this but I’m an animal whisperer. I could tell that my cat thought, “Once mom comes, the water will stop”. But it lasted for SIX MORE HOURS! I got the WTF look from my cat several times. I went to sleep for two hours. I know she was thinking, “What the hell is wrong with her?”

I got hit by a depression episode yesterday. I did call the warranty people . Then they call the plumber. Of course the plumber’s office is closed. In the past I would have any plumber come out. But I’d just read my warranty for the first time in 2 years and they say they MIGHT replace the water heater. Well I’m not going to jeopardize that by calling Joe the plumber because then it is void.

20 minutes ago the city came out to shut the water off. I called before. I said, “I need my water turned off”. It was the emergency line. She put me on hold. I eventually hung up. Once again my lack of social skills failed me. I didn’t say the right thing. Or I didn’t say it the right way. I gave up. After my nap, I realized water running my house sucks so many I should try the city line again.

This time I said, “My water heater burst. Can you turn my water of?” OH, that is the way it’s done. ::roll eyes:: My house is soaked. I’m too depressed to really care. Oh and I don’t have any water. Whatever.

I need a fucking break. I shouldn’t go in to work at all tomorrow but of course, I feel like I have to go to work. I don’t suck up to anyone. There is no one on my side so I can’t take a break. I have to be superwoman. Blah.

I’m only upset because this pretty much ruins any study plan. I will have to work on Saturday to make up time for waiting for the plumber tomorrow.

Oh great, now I hear more water leaking even though the water supply has been turned off. ROFL. And I don’t give a damn. Too funny. WTF?

I was going to blog about how I hate how people with support systems and social skills harshly judge me. With any kind of support, my house wouldn’t have gotten as wet. I would have HELP and water. Yet these $#%^ judge me???????????? Pick on someone your own size. You have HELP. I’m not done with this.

My shadow

Eww, I just had to get offline. I think someone is using my bandwith. I’m not sure because it could have been a software/Windows update but I don’t think so. I just checked and it doesn’t look like anything was updating. Yes, I thought it was secure. Now I have to figure out how to find out if it is secure. I wasn’t doing anything on the net. Yet someone or something used 50MB (a lot since I have limited bandwidth) while I was working on a school assignment. I was using my textbook and then I went to check online to get more info and that is when I noticed that something was going on.

I have to get back online to finish this assignment (and to post this blog – lol).
Wellbutrin XL tastes nasty. I crush the pill and drink it in juice. From what I read online, WB shouldn’t be crushed because it raises the risk of side effects. I haven’t had any side effects that I know of. I was hoping this would I would be less tired but Friday I yawned once every 5 minutes. I swear. I hate that. Sometimes I yawn so much at work that my mouth hurts when I get home. Listening to music helps. Most of the time I have it on “shuffle all” because I don’t want to fidget with the iPod while working. So sometimes boring music comes on (JAZZ) and the yawning starts back up again.

Of course I know all about the placebo effect but I think this is working a little. All I know is that I have a presentation due Monday night, and I did it all last night. I was drowsy but I kept at it. Normally my ADD (more on that later) symptoms would have kicked in. I expected it to take half the time it did. Yet I didn’t procrastinate. I finished it. I didn’t surf the net. Didn’t take a nap (not really possible – when it is warm the neighbors are loud = sigh). I did do it while watching the NBA all star festivities. It wasn’t like I had no distractions.

Speaking of ADD, I finally finished reading Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey. I probably couldn’t get diagnosed with ADD since I had good grades in school. How lame is that? There are doctors with ADHD. Hello?? And school was all I had. So why not do well in it? I can’t believe SOME doctors are using that to diagnose adult ADD. Anyhow, after researching the medications for ADD (stimulants), I’ve decided to not even pursue it. I was supposed to make an appointment last week to get tested. I do know adults who (legally? Haha) use ADD meds to get through college or just a work day. But I don’t want to take a stimulant for many reasons.

Everyone (okay only my shrink and therapist) keeps telling me that what I have is not ADD. I’m having these problems because I’m depressed. Okay. But I still have the symptoms of ADD. I’ve been depressed for 10 years and anxiety for more years so it is odd to me that the “ADD symptoms” would get worse in the past 2-3 years. But depression/anxiety can mess up your brain. I would love to get an X-ray of my brain, but that is really expensive. The insurance company wouldn’t even pay 5% of that charge.

With major depression, you may have symptoms that make it difficult to work, study, sleep, eat, and enjoy friends and activities. Some people have clinical depression only once in their life. Others may have it several times in a lifetime.

Ok fine!! I’m just depressed. But I bet the ADD meds would still help a lot. I think these doctors are too caught up in labels. My point is I have the symptoms of ADD. I don’t want the medication. Whatevs. Example: I hate grocery shopping. I want it over ASAP. Yet recently I’ve had a hard time doing that. I will just wander around (without the cart)- not looking for anything or even looking at interesting stuff. That is a little strange.

I’m getting off track. I wanted to post some of the most helpful tips (FOR ME) from the book. I’m sure all of this can be found online. Here are the notes I took from the book:

Keep a basket just for keys
Buy lots of wastebaskets and trash cans
Do what you are good at. (LOL! But what if that is nothing, sir?)
Find a good accountant and lawyers.
Get regular physical exercise
Try Juice plus+ (too expensive), and/or Reliv,
Eat vitaman C – not the vitamins, get it from food
Drink lots of water – lowers sodium also
Omega 3 fatty acids

I recommend the book to adults with ADD (link above). The author is a PHD and has ADD and he does not use medicine to control it.

Back to work. My therapist thinks I’m taking too many classes. However, at the time I registered I had no idea that whatever I have (major depression, okay) would get this bad. I did drop one class before school started. I wished I would have dropped 2 classes. What’s wrong with me? Thinking I’m capable of what normal people can do……:(

My take on the Jay Cutler story

No social outing for me. It sold out. I kept thinking “it might sell out”. That is the problem with not being able to reserve stuff online. When I have to physically go out and reserve something (RARE these days), then I will usually put it off until late. I was dreading having to get a parking situated, having to go to work extra early so I could leave to make reservations etc. I was going to do it tomorrow afternoon. So…It wasn’t meant to be. I hope next time I can find about it in advance. It was barely publicized. I just happened to read an email. Oh well.

I so wanted to do pull an all nighter last night but I know I have to work the next day. I had two short papers due. I half-assed it. I hate doing that. I promise myself I won’t do it again. For what that’s worth.

I guess I’m not watching the Superbowl this year. Heh. I could do a whole series of entries on the Jay Cutler story. Or I could blog about my new serotonin diet. Or about how I wish our gym had yoga classes instead of yogalates because I’m not sure what yogalates is. 🙂 But I’m not passionate about that. I didn’t want to blog about the Cutler story because it is basically a “people suck” entry but this is the only story I’m dying to give my thoughts on. So the people who think I’m a jerk, continue on because if not being like you is a jerk, I’m a jerk. (yes I heard that – lol)

I’m going to try to shorten my rant because I should be doing 50 other things. You don’t like Jay Cutler so you don’t give him the benefit of the doubt?! Forget “fair” for a minute. But is that RIGHT? I’m not a black and white thinker but I have a hard time understanding how people can believe this is okay. Say Carla writes an A+ paper, is it okay to give her a B because you don’t like her? I don’t get it. It’s funny, in a world where feelings are shunned; people have no problems letting THEIR FEELINGS cloud the judgment of others.

(Halftime: Here’s how Cutler’s critics should apologize)

People were criticizing his body language for god sakes. How can people not see how ridiculous that is? People will say they know people are different YET, they judge them on how they would act. Does that make any sense? Do they really believe people are different? They don’t act like it. He should smile. He should be more talkative (WTF?). He should this, that. Unbelievable!

As far as the athletes who were quick to judge go, they are hypocrites for criticizing another player. They are constantly complaining about writers doing that to them. CONSTANTLY. However, players aren’t necessarily the moral bunch. Is that a stereotype? Is that mean? What I mean is that they will play WITH a concussion. (How smart is that?) They take dangerous drugs (ex: steroids) just to play the game. So I don’t hold them to a high standard. All that matters to them is PLAYING. They don’t think about their future. The statistics show that. How smart is that?

I expect this of normal people but I was surprised that the players trashed him so quickly. Yes twitter is really how all this got so bad but sports analysts (ex-players) on TV were quick to judge right after the game also.

Bottom line is that this is an example of how people are “unfair” to people they do not like. Don’t forget that most of these people/players have NEVER met him. One person said, “Jay Cutler could not win”. That is true. People cannot be pleased. And then they wonder why he isn’t nice. Why he isn’t smiling. Maybe he had to deal with this crap so long as he is just over it. Or maybe I’m projecting.

By the way, I’m not a Jay Cutler fan. I probably know less about him than the average football fan. The fact that we now know he has a sprained MCL has nothing to do with my opinion. I hope he doesn’t need surgery.

If This Was A Movie

I really didn’t plan on typing a novel…

I’m going to drop at least one of my four classes. And I’m not going to see Burlesque. 😦 I don’t know which one sucks the most. It’s not like I want to take 4 classes. LOL. Since my car battery and me getting locked out cost me $300 in ONE week, dropping a class is probably a good idea. Too bad I brought the book for the 3 credit class. I want to drop that one but instead I may drop the 2 credit class since I don’t have the book.

Hopefully working OT will get me out of this financial mess. I hate debt. Hate it. If I can’t pay for it right then or quickly, I won’t buy it or do it. I made an exception for school because I really want to get certified ASAP. Not happening. Whatever. Next. Someone is going to be very happy that this class has an opening. I’m sure the wait list is very long.

So I’m dropping a class, eating more cheaply than usual, not going to see Burlesque…unless it is still in theaters in late December which is highly doubtful. There are too many Oscar releases coming out at that time for Burlesque to still be in any theater. Plus there are “Oscar” movies I want to see. I’ve only gone to the theater once this year. ONCE! Not due to lack of money. It was mainly due to lack of time on the weekends and the lack of decent movies. The best movies tend to come out in mid-December to January.

Two of my keys fell off my key chain. This was bound to happen one day. Since I’m a horrible person, this would happen when it was 20 degrees! It was 70 degrees the day before (but felt more like 50 since it wasn’t sunny). So I had no idea it was going to be so cold. No, I don’t check weather before I leave the house 90% of the time. I will sometimes check on Sunday for the week or if I know snow is coming. Anyhow, I almost didn’t wear my coat. I didn’t have gloves on because I can’t find my pair. (One of my hands is still tingling). And I had on cheap, thin ass dollar store panty hose. I was wearing a skirt!

I told myself that there were homeless people outside right at this moment. If they could bear it, I could bear it until 10AM. But then my manager called. I was freezing but I had cheap clothes on and had no idea it was only 20 degrees. My manager told me that. Then she said there was NO WAY I could stay out there for another 2 hours. I was already out there for an hour by then. I’m so easily influenced that I believed her.

She wanted me to go to a neighbor’s house! LOL. At 8AM? Okay, I wouldn’t even do that at noon but I would feel a little better about the idea. My next door neighbor is retired and might have been awake. But how would I know? Plus it would not have solved my problem. NO FREAKIN’ LOCKSMITH WANTED TO COME. I was paying their asses! Geez, it is your fucking job, morons. That pissed me off more than anything. What a way to make a person feel worthless.

She did convince me that I wanted to be warm. Heh. So this girl who never carries cash actually had enough cash on her to catch a cab! Did I mention that I NEVER carry cash??? I did later find out that some cab/taxi companies do take credit/debit cards but you will have to wait a loooooong time. This isn’t NYC. So I guess the cash was my only blessing. I went to my mom’s house. I have her key and that one stayed on the chain. (okay, another good thing). I warmed up and then found a bunch of locksmiths online. I read the reviews etc.

A cute guy actually came to my house. The cute part isn’t surprising. The fact that he came was. Heh. He charged me $150 ($4.00 off – I did say thank you). It would have been cheaper if I had cash but I never have that much cash. I only had $35 in cash to begin with and most of that went to the cab driver. He said he charged me so much because the door was metal and he had to drill. It was the screen door that I was locked out of. Now that metal security door is pointless….until I get a new lock for it.

He was middle eastern. I may or may not be mentioning his ethnicity for a reason. This isn’t an assumption. He took two personal calls on his iPhone (drool) while standing on my porch. I can’t tell you which language he was speaking. Arabic? Armenian? Farsi? I have no idea. I’m just glad he did his job. He was extremely nice which isn’t something I look for. I just want the job done. I do wonder if he had to charge me that much. How do I know? It would have been cheaper if it was my front door since that is made of out cheap crap. The name of the material escapes me – it is a regular cheap door from Lowe’s.

He gave me his card and told me he would fix my screen door for half price. (Suuure! – I wouldn’t even mention that if I called him again). If I had extra money and I was bored, I’d call him. Pay for play. Yummy. 🙂 I have his card on my refrigerator. Super smart! That will come in handy when I get locked out next time. I don’t know what else could happen. Actually I know a lot more could, I’m hoping it doesn’t. Geez. Too much $$ gone for one week. Damn.

Oh, and no phones for me since I missed my day. I did not go to work. There was no way I was going without knowing that my car key was safe in my house. I didn’t want to go anywhere but it was so cold. I really stopped thinking at one point. My coworkers don’t know what happened (unless they read this). One comment led me to believe they thought I didn’t go to work because I didn’t want to be on the phones?! *Smirk* 😉