invading my thoughts

Now everyone is talking about the drones. #Late


I want to say, “Please stop! I’m sort of having a nervous breakdown and just need a break.” Work is kicking my ass. I’m going to have to dedicate all  my off hours to work (meaning no pay). It is kind of hard to work when you are thinking of ways to kill yourself all day but that was in December. This is February. I have to do better.

I feel like I’m sinking and that I’ll never catch up.  But I don’t have a choice. I must catch up. I must work 24/7 if I have to. That is easier said than done. Our system isn’t always up. To have the flexibility to work whenever would be so nice. I’m a night person. I would love to get extra work in at 11PM or whenever I felt like it.

Just typing this up has made me think clearer. On Tuesdays I go to water aerobics at 7PM. I can leave my house at 3:45, go to the mall (free wi-fi) and work from there until it is time for water aerobics. The mall is actually pretty quiet. It isn’t popular.  My laptop battery should  last for 3 hours.

That solves extra work one day a week and I will as I always do work extra on Saturdays. I might add Friday nights to this. On Fridays I like to quick work just like everyone else! But I might need that catch up time. Whew. If I have to do more off the clock work than this, something is seriously wrong.

So tonight I’m working. I will either do it with a music marathon, a Daily Show marathon or the last two episodes of Homeland (season 1). At least that makes it fun. I might even try to work while consuming my last wine cooler. I only brought them for the Superbowl.


If you want a great workout and hate the machines in the gym, do pilates. I went to pilates class yesterday. It is sooooooooo hard. I can do 80% of the stuff but the 20% I can’t do is making me not want to go back next week. (Unlike the pilates class I went to a year ago where I could barely do anything!)  Also, it is a small class. They are regulars. I don’t know. There is a small chance I will return. Very small. If I could figure out how to do this:


I would go back but I cannot lay down and lift my back from the mat/floor. If it is a strength thing, it makes sense. I have no strength. 😉 I guess that is what I’m missing. Athletes do pilates. There were runners in our class. I definitely recommend it. I just wish I could figure out how to rise from the floor. Oh well, there is always yoga and water aerobics.

The longer I do water aerobics, the less likely I think I will learn how to swim. I love the water and I get to be in the water during class. Besides even if I learned to swim, I don’t think I would actually swim at the Y unless I could find a time when it is almost empty (maybe weekday mornings around 6AM?) So…I don’t know. I’ve seen swimming lessons at the Y and I’m not impressed. It scares me.


Walgreens has 40% off prints so I may post my January Project Life spreads in a week. I’ve had good and bad prints from Walgreens. My last batch was good so I’m going back to that store again.

Off to work. I’m watching The Daily Show for inspiration. I’m so tired. My neighbors decided to blast music for an hour after I went to sleep so I don’t know what I’ll accomplish tonight.

I forgive you?

I’m about to go nuts. Not nuts like I would like. I would love to go all Dexter on some peeps but you know…I’m a coward. Nuts for some REAL food. haha. I’ve been eating fucking apples. Yes I know there are people who can’t afford apples or even have clean water but let me vent. Sigh. I dunno. I had one meal today which isn’t good but today was a strange day. I went to work at noon. Then I went to a pilates class. Now I’m not hungry but I’m bitter about the food situation.

Yeah, that makes no sense.

Pilates…OMG. That crap is hard. I thought I could do it because I’ve followed DVDs etc. But this women’s class was hardcore. &^$% I may have lost my punch card and then I won’t be allowed back in for 19 more classes. I hope I find it. Anyhow, I don’t know if my problem is simply a fitness one or if it is the scoliosis. Scoliosis even affects my yoga so………once again: I dunno.

I am sort of proud of myself for trying new things. I’ve done 5+ classes of yoga, one zumba class and one pilates class in 2011. And I think yoga is the one I want to stick with. I know. I know. It depends on the instructor. I need a smallish class with an instructor who will DO the poses instead of SAY the poses. I think I can get yoga down. Zumba is kinda okay. 🙂 I just don’t enjoy the dancing in front of people part so much.

Back to pilates: The instructor was great. She knew two of us were new. There were only 4 people in the class! It felt weird because I was the new girl before the other new girl showed up late. They were talking about how close they were. AWKWARD…for this socially inept girl who just wants to do pilates. lol.

I doubt I go back to pilates since they don’t have a beginner’s class. 😦 They only have mixed classes so what am I supposed to do? Besides try yoga. Again. They do have a spin class that looked interesting but I don’t know. It was full so I guess I would have to be there early.

FOOD: I love, love salads but my body does not like eating salads everyday. That sucks. I think I’m going to keep making and eating them to see if my body will get used to it. The taco salad was the best. I ate it for three days straight. Now I’m just eating regular salad or cabbage with chicken or fish for dinner. That’s fine but I’m still having problems with the breakfast/lunch thing. Well at least I know I haven’t gained any weight.

I don’t know how much I weigh now. The scale at the gym said 121 pounds at first and then after I lifted weights it read 123 TWICE. So I have no clue. (Um, somewhere in between??)  I really don’t want to do the scale thing but it was sorta there and since I’m small to begin with, that seems that best way to track my weight. I know this sounds nuts but I really want to weigh 115. But I’ll take 118. No anorexic jokes please. I’m not unhappy at my current weight but if I were to gain more and more, hell yeah I would be disappointed with myself.

I have so much stuff to do tonight. I am never going into work late again. It sucks my time.

I Wish I Could Be Lonely

I hate when I get the urge to blog at night. This feeling rarely happens these days so I’m going to go with it. This entry will be all over the place because I come alive at night.

My mom is awesome! 🙂 She brought a full size bed for my old bedroom. I wish it were at my house. Anyhow, it is so comfy and it is just perfect. I don’t sleep over there often but now I want to.

I just had a decent workout…at home! I like pilates because I can do it in more places than yoga. Plus it feels like more of a workout. It feels like I went to the gym and rode the bike for a good 15 minutes. The workout I did is below:

I’m going to try to rent her DVD but of course it is hard to get. I can do this on my bed and maybe at work during my lunch break. They already think I’m crazy so what the hell? I used to do sit-ups in a secluded part of the sitting area. I’m by myself but there is a window so people in the parking lot can see me. Yoga requires room so until I go back to a class, I’m done with yoga.

I received my textbook. It is over 700 pages. I don’t know how much I will be carrying that around. I usually study/do homework during my lunch break (when I’m not doing sit ups or leisure reading).

My legs are sore from doing pilates. I have to say more negatives things. I hate Apple. I feel like a failure for not mowing my lawn today.