La La La

“You don’t have a bubbly personality”.

Understatement of the year

No, I’m not fond of people and I don’t talk. I guess that makes me un-bubbly. Ha! I have never heard anyone say it quite like that. A coworker said that btw. This came up because they are giving me more responsibilities at work. If they only knew that I was waking up at 5AM and staying late to do my ordinary work. How the hell am I supposed to do more? Sally says, “Stop bitching and be grateful you have a job”.

Another thing about work or people in general: I hate when they get pissed because they didn’t think of something. Let me put it this way: I am the queen of avoidance. So I will come up with things others would never think of to avoid something I don’t like (like people). Then other people see it was a great idea and they get mad because they didn’t come up with it. And then it is my fault. Sigh. People. Gotta deal with them.

More randomness: I started a Pinterest board with people I admire. It isn’t done but those are the first people I came up with. I was extremely nervous to include “online personalities” on there but I did anyway. Hopefully they will never see it. πŸ˜‰

Interesting how people are calling for a NFL boycott. I boycotted pro football over a year ago but not for the reasons people are doing it now.  I boycotted due to the concussions/injuries the players were/are getting. The domestic violence arrests are nothing new. Not to make light of domestic violence…just stating a fact.

Oh yeah I was supposed to do my juice cleanse on Sunday. It started out okay. I got up at 8AM. I juiced. At 1PM, I ate dinner. LOL. I wasn’t hungry. I was drinking organic apple juice and water but I desperately wanted caffeine. (I can’t drink most caffeinated items on an empty stomach. I’ll get nauseous or sick). I got up, did some stuff and easily went right back to sleep. I need my caffeine. I just said fuck it and had food with and a caffeinated beverage.

The one thing I did learn is that I’m not hungry much. I just eat because I’m supposed to or I’m bored.  I only eat twice a day (3 times if you count protein bars). I also have to stop sleeping so much. I’m always tired unless I have caffeine. I’m depending on it way too much. If I don’t have it, I’m in bed. More on this later.

Gotta go.

Just a quick, random entry.


i never told you

Since I cannot express myself as well as those with Asperger’s….

I agree, I think in my career I could have got so much further if I had the skills to build better relationships, the knack of being warm and friendly, of establishing rapport, and – particularly important this – not upsetting people when I didn’t mean to, just because it didn’t occur to me that what I was doing or saying would upset them. However, I’ve now accepted that I can only do what I can do, and try to improve where I can (and not beat myself up where I can’t). I also do a sort of pre-emptive strike, I tell everyone, all the time, that I am tactless and blunt, so they expect be to be quirky. And they do seem (most of them, as far as I can tell) to respect the talents and abilities I do have, and so are happy to accept me as I am.

I’ve recently accepted that I’m blunt. I don’t lie. It doesn’t occur to me to lie. If someone asks me a question, I answer it. This may be due to lack of being in social situations or maybe it is just my personality. Since I’ve accepted this, I told someone once about it. I said, “I’m blunt…that is why it is better that I don’t talk”. πŸ™‚

I hope this isn’t taken out of context:

So, say that one person gets a bad haircut. Due to other things going on in their life, their resources are low in stocks of resilience and self-confidence. The bad haircut is the straw on the camel’s back.

Another person loses her hair while undergoing chemotherapy. But the chemo’s going well, the cancer was caught early and is of a type that’s unlikely to spread. She’s receiving lots of support from family, friends and colleagues. The loss of her hair is just a minor nuisance.

Yep. When I see people having a mini breakdown over something that seems small, I will not judge. I’m better at dealing with the big stuff but the little things are the things that break me down. On the other hand when I hear people complain about a scratch on their car (for example), I’m like “REALLY??! A tiny scratch?!” My neighbors (a block away) have keyed my car, flatten all 4 tires and more. I don’t even wash my car. That is what rain is for. The only thing that bugged me was the tire thing because I had to pay for it to get towed. BUT…people care about different things. Priorities. There are a lot of things I care about where people could go…um, really?

Occasionally I feel the need to post something coherent. That means the words of others.

Anyways, I left my house due to people throwing fire crackers at my house. I found one in the yard. They really get a kick out of trying to hit my house…I’m at my mom’s house. Guess what?? Her AC isn’t working. AHH! It is 101 degrees outside. The hottest day of the summer so far (tomorrow will be hotter). I was going to go back to my house but I chose the heat over another day/night of illegal fire works.

I took pics of my house and I have other pics as well. Maybe tomorrow I will post them.

I Told You So

If I were living with a SO, he/she would think I’m pissed off. I was pleasant and as friendly as I’ll ever be for the past week. But today the extreme introvert has taken over. I’m so tired. I want to sleep but I can’t for many reasons but the main one is HOUSE GUEST. I just want to come home to an empty house and do what I normally would do. I’ve crashed. I need my shell. As flawed as my shell is…I’m not talking.

Yeah, that is why I will never have a SO. Too much drama. I have enough going on without another human being in my face. That’s the spirit. Unless the person is a loner or extremely empathetic then he/she will think you are mad at them. I hate when people take your personality personally. Even I don’t do that. C’mon! I could give examples of how I thought someone was rude/mean to me and then I learned that is who they are SO I DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Apparently these rules, do not exist for loners. IT ISN’T ABOUT YOU.

Work was fine today. Rare statement. I tried not to get down even though I knew my hard work wouldn’t show because I’m working on a slow project. They have me doing it alone. That I do not understand. They could easily have one person doing the same thing I’m doing. Then I wouldn’t have to work on it every single day. I think they are doing it on purpose but it isn’t a sabotage even though sometimes I wonder. I also wonder if I’m being giving busy work (even though it has to be done) just to placate me. Last week I wondered why I was even there. I’m going to finish this shit so they have to give me something else.

Work was fine…only today. πŸ™‚

I’m sick. So many different issues. I need to pick a doctor but my internet connection is crappy after all the rain we got so I’m going to call customer service and see if they will let me pick that way. I don’t like my choices but how am I supposed to know anyways??? (that’s what friends are for)….Maybe I should consider a male so I can have more options.

Going to bed early tonight…after doing homework.

Taureans unite

I have to get ready to go to a concert (more on that later) but I found an accurate description of Taurus persons or Taureans. I’m not heavily into astrology. But this description is dead on…for me. I have used these words to describe myself in silly online bios. Anyhow I am posting this not only because I am a Taurus but b/c Kelly Bensimon is one too (for the RHoNYC fanatics). LOL. Maybe this will explain some things.

Taurus persons tend to be strongly hedonistic, cool customers. They live primarily through the pleasures of their senses. This is the more solid and pragmatic sign in the zodiac. It brings a lot of practicality and earthly sensibility. It is very utilitarian and seeks real, useful results for its efforts. This sign may be seen as lazy by some, but that is because it is strongly motivated by reward, and lack of such prize for its efforts tends to drain it of energy. Aries influences can alleviate this.

This sign is not psychologically equipped to deal with conflict and suffering, which reveal its more neurotic, sometimes brutal side. It does not take well to threats, to disrespect or to rigid or overly burdensome demands, and can be quite resentful in the face of these. This is much more a sign of love and pleasure, where he usually much prefers to dwell, but badly afflicted charts can reveal that more problematic side.

Taureans have a great longing to something special, exciting. This is the grounds for the great possessiveness within this sign, as anything that’s considered special to them is held dearly, fiercely protected. On this basis, this sign also tends to be faithful, and it is usually rather respectful as well. It is usually a strongly loyal sign, but only until it starts feeling disrespected or encroached upon, then the rebellious side can undermine this.

They really hate discomfort, and can become quite preoccupied with avoiding it. These natives tend to dislike hard work, and often seek a way to delegate it. They are more inclined to seek occupation in fields they like, so that it does not become too much of a pain. Strong Saturn influences may alleviate these tendencies to some degree. Taurus is usually a subscriber to “slowly but surely”. It usually prefers to hold back than to risk himself.

There is some reserve in the Taurus personality, which is in effect a preservative and protective disposition. There is a strong dislike of unapproved external encroachment upon their personal space, which is very important in this sign. Taurus can be pretty good at keeping secrets.

Most Taureans have a good, earthy sense of humor. Earthy humor is one that is keen and more sophisticated than just excessive silliness or lighthearted joking.

As of the neurotic structure of this sign, these natives may be emotionally susceptible to superstition. Taurus tends to love animals a lot.

Little acknowledged trait of Taurus is its rebellious nature, which often manifests as stubbornness. This rebelliousness is especially pronounced when Taurus feels it is not appreciated, not taken into consideration, belittled or otherwise disrespected, then it becomes extremely willful and difficult, sometimes even contrarian. Forcefulness also brings this about in him. This rebelliousness rises from certain frustrations that make up this personality type, but this kind of behavior is actually in contrast to the fundamental, reasonable and rational earthy nature of this sign. It may be used as a kind of power-play, as Taurus tends more toward passive-aggressiveness than to outright aggression – perhaps because this method offers less of a risk. Then other times what has been said just does not make any earthy sense.

It should be noted that calling Taurus people “stubborn” does not incur any favors either. Sometimes it just makes the problem worse, rather than addressing any issue that may have caused such attitude.

Taurus’ rebelliousness may find other, more refined expressions in Taurus’ life.

In keeping with its association with Venus, Taurus has greatly heightened senses, and has a tendency to deal with sensual things more often than other signs. Taurus can be strongly moved by physical beauty. In fact, some Taurus people, especially Taurus ladies often find themselves delving in fields of aesthetics or cosmetics. These natives crave closeness and touch, but do not let just anyone get so close. They need to trust. This sign usually enjoys music very much. Sexuality also tends to be strong in Taurus. (<——WHAT???!)

Strong Pluto influences can cause debauchery in Taurus unless Saturn is also strong.

Taurus is the sign of security, and as such the need to feel secure is an important facet of this sign. Accordingly, it is somewhat less likely to take risks than other signs, certainly uncalculated ones. It often takes extra measures to ensure its security, though in this light it may sometimes be considered controlling by some. Taurus can even be brutal when robbed of its sense of security.

There is usually a conservative attitude to money, but on the other hand these natives may have a difficult time resisting their desires. In a difficult chart emotional well being can be closely associated with the monetary status and the ability to expend as a compensation for bad feelings.

There are usually some fixations in the Taurus personality, which may perplex other signs. They tend to stick with patterns and experiences they know, as this makes up their sense of being, and makes them feel secure and comfortable. In a more difficult chart this can transform to a full fledged obsessive-compulsive disorder. Tauruses often fixate on unshakeable, practical convictions. To some extent, a Gemini Mercury can alleviate some of the issues with this by reflecting a mind that is more on the dynamic side.

Although these are aware of some wickedness inherent within their natural melancholy, basic constructive drives within this sign usually make them go with the greater good. Even in the case a Taurus person does go down a wrong path, it will be more systematically conductive than just spite, and should be rewarding aplenty. That said, naturally they are actually more inclined to fall into depression than act in a full-fledged negative fashion, unless the chart is energized and focused.

In most cases it wants to do what is proper and fair. It can also have a soft spot for really nice people, even if they are a bit silly.

Normally, justice is more important here, especially social justice, and these individuals will seek to operate within their intellectual idea of what justice is. Usually that idea will be rather close to an objective notion of justice, unless there are problematic imbalances in the chart then there may be an overly critical and even brutal notion of justice. In any case these people are more willing to fight for their idea of justice and balance. They will have a hard time standing by when that idea of justice/balance in being violated, even if it involves complete strangers. Of course dealing with justice can become complicated as justice can sometimes be a subjective and even ambivalent thing. Forcing a definition may sometimes be more inappropriate than letting things be.

Sounds like any Taureans you know?

I can also vouch for this:

Taurus with Capricorn

These signs share the same basic element and so are more or less able to relate. Nevertheless, there are often communicational issues here as both signs tend to be reserved. These signs can efficiently come together in specific goals, but the natural remoteness and chilliness of both can cause difficulty on the personal level. Taurus needs something special and exciting to get over its natural melancholic facet, but minimalistic and business-minded Capricorn usually does not fulfill this need. In addition, tastes tend to be quite different between these signs. The association of these signs can cause depressive issues in Tauruses with weak moons.



* Economics – especially with 2nd house influences
o Money management and investments
* Sales, especially in stores
* Computers, as they have a knack for the logics of this field
* Crafts and design, music, art – especially with Venus of Venus influences
* Aesthetics and cosmetics – especially with the ladies of this sign
* Agriculture, gardening and horticulture – there’s usually a love of nature in this sign

I hate economics so much that I changed my major. But I can see the other things…well I’m not a people person so stores sales would drain me. Oh, and I know nothing about cosmetics. I’ve been thinking about getting into it though.
Have to get dressed. Running late.