Treehouse

Can anyone explain to me why women are still putting up with periods? It’s BS. Okay, if I knew I wanted kids, I wouldn’t get on birth control to stop my period. I just wouldn’t. I’m not a doctor, but infertility is such an issue these days. I wouldn’t risk it by being on birth control for years. But I’m 100% sure I’m never having kids, so this isn’t an issue for me.

I’ve been on this BC for about two years, and now I haven’t had a period in TWO months. That’s a huge win!! I hate having a period. So I’m like, finally! I tried Depo Provera to stop my period. It didn’t work. It might be suitable for birth control, but ugh, it didn’t work for stopping my period. It made it worse.

So my point is, for a lot of women, having a period is voluntary. Why do they choose to have one? Have they been brainwashed? I have no idea. Anyway, I’m sure my period will probably eventually come back for a month or so. 😦 As long as it goes away again, I’m fine. This is the first time I’ve skipped two months in a row. It’s been every other month these past 6 months.

I’m not filing bankruptcy…as long as my bank account doesn’t go negative again. Unless something unexpected comes up, December should be fine. In January, some asshole is going to try to get $420 from me. I’ve already talked to him once. (Hence calling him an asshole – ha). So I have to ask the bank to stop the transaction, OR I’m going to be negative about $300 if my budget is right. I have to stop it.

Speaking of unexpected things, I should probably file bankruptcy for that reason. But I’m going to try not to. I just hope nothing surprising happens.

I’m working on a project for my biz. Unfortunately, it won’t be ready until February or March. It’s a 12 part series. I have to record 12 videos! So yeah, it’s a big project. I’m currently working on the sales page and getting excited. But I won’t feel like it’s really real until I finish recording the first video. After the first video, the other 11 will be a breeze.

I should have done this instead of working on an astrology course. I’m not rereleasing the astrology course until October 2020. I have to recover from this last release. Creating a course is HARD. No one really said that. They said, “A course is hard to sell.” Well, 6 people bought the course from me. So selling wasn’t the problem. It was the actual creating and teaching. ARGH. I want to say never again. But I kind of promised these 6 people, I would redo the course, so I will. And I’ll have a good time doing it. I just need a break from that.

Anyway, I’m really excited about the series. I just feel a bit anxious because I haven’t started creating the videos. Like I said, if I don’t make $3600 (in revenue)  next year, I will probably hang it up. I might try something different. Or I might take a year off and then come back to astrology or go into something else. I know other modalities. So I don’t have to stick with astrology. I just really like it.

Election 2020: Still bummed Julian Castro wasn’t at the debate. How dare Gabbard and Steyer be there, but not Castro? I loved the moderators. I feel like Kamala stood out the most (in a good way). Yang didn’t get much time. Booker was funny and made two good points (not that I was counting). Biden wasn’t good, but who cares? He could shoot someone on 5th avenue and still… 

I really enjoyed it overall. I watch the news too much to find it informative. I’m glad they didn’t spend too much time debating healthcare.

I don’t care about Trump, so whatever. I did watch about 50-60% of the impeachment hearings. I found that informative because usually when Trump is mentioned, I tune out.

This week I…

Music of the week: James Arthur, Tanya Tucker, Lana Del Rey, Ariana Grande, Sara Bareilles, Carly Rae Jepsen, India.Arie, Jessie Ware

I’ve been listening to Sirius/XM radio, so these results aren’t exactly accurate. (I can’t track what I listen to on there).  I have a FREE 3 month trial to Sirius. I plan to enjoy every second before I cancel.

TV of the week:  This Is Us, RHoP

Podcasts of the week: Don’t Talk to Strangers, Polyvagal Podcast, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines,

Books of the week: 

  • Her One Mistake by Heidi Parks – Liking this more than I thought. Well written
  • The Good Guy by Dean Koontz  – not sure I’m going to finish this. But his books do sometimes start slow. I just don’t have the patience for slow starts right now.
  • Letting Go by David Hawkins

Weekend Plans: – I worked for free at my day time. Then I worked on my biz. So basically working. I have astrology class tomorrow, so I will get some knitting done. 😉 I love that I can knit and pay attention. I’m just thankful that I may not have to get a part-time job. I need time to see if I can make revenue.

Thanks for reading! Have an awesome week. 🙂

Almost gave it away

Eight weeks until my birthday beach vacation! 🙂

Moving on to TMI. I didn’t get my period!! Yes. I’ve been trying for 3 years to get rid of it. I hope it’s gone for good. Please, please, please? I tried Depo-Provera for almost a year. Didn’t work. Then after more than a year on Bilsovi Fe 1.5/30, I skipped a period. Woohoo!!!111 I needed something great to happen and it did.

Marianne Williamson came out for reparations for blacks FIRST (many years ago, btw) and now all of a sudden Bernie Sanders changes his mind. LOL. I said the words, “I like politics” to someone and I realize that I don’t like politicians. Who does? But I like politics in a sports kind of way. I like that someone wins and someone loses. I don’t know. I know that sounds horrible. I’m a sports fan so that is the only thing I can think of to compare it to.

Most politicians are professional liars. They get paid to lie. If you’ve been reading here for a while, you know I hate lying more than almost anything. I just think it is weird to love politics but hate liars. Maybe it’s just me.

I applied for a new job at my current company. I don’t really qualify. I have the degree needed (in psychology), but only nine months of experience. It probably would pay about $50K to me. Not sure. Since I’m already working for them, they would NOT offer me a competitive salary. Bummer, but I don’t think I’m going to get it. However, that still sucks. :/ Someone else would get paid probably about $65K. Whatever. I’m 98% sure I have no shot. Why did I apply? Because I needed to redo my resume desperately. So I used that job as motivation.

Is the death penalty gone for good in California? I hope so. I should probably read about it. What a concept! I wish it was abolished in all the states.

So much to talk about. I’m all over the place. I’m going to stick with my “business”. I’m starting from square one and see how it goes. I just have so much to do. I need to get organized. Right now, I should be working on my final exam paper for astrology. Oh, how cool is this? My final exam is on Robert Downey Jr.! Do you know how much I love him?! When I used to have crushes on movie stars, he was in my top 10 (on the male list).

I did start my paper. However, a lot of it is crossed out because it’s garbage. I kind of need an A on this paper, because I didn’t participate in the online discussion for the last few weeks. Discussion is 40% of our grade. And that is why I’m not continuing. I can’t fake that shit. So goodbye! I did learn a ton though. I hope I pass. If we don’t pass, we can take it again for FREE, but why would I want to with the same discussion rules AND the same teacher? That doesn’t make sense.

Back to my business. I’m going to stick with it for at least 6 more months. I have no structure. I’ve just been seeing what sticks and what doesn’t. I’m going to get serious and follow a business program and create a business plan. It won’t be a traditional business plan, but there will be a plan.

I have 250 business cards. They were so cheap, I had to buy them. BUT now my services have completely change. ROFL. I knew as soon as I ordered the cards, my offers would change. I only have 4 offers now. Soon I will probably only have 3. Who knows? I have to do a plan.

What else? I miss living near the park. I now live in a neighborhood. I walked my dog during my lunch break on Monday and Thursday. I will try to keep that schedule until the kids get out of school in June. It sucks for my dog, but I’m not going out into world with people all around. Kids. Teens. Nah.

I went outside today just to take my dog outside around 4 PM and I was laughed at by teens (?). It reminds me so much of high school. Not that adults have never laughed at me. But kids laugh more. So people suck. I don’t want to walk around here, but I know my dog wants to go for a walk so….I might make myself go twice a week even when the kids are out of school. I doubt it. I have to figure out when I want to drive to the park.

I now weigh 140 pounds. Thanks to Nutrisystem. 😉 I know I should quit due to the price, but I LOVE the structure. I was so close to ordering out twice this week. Thank god it passed. Can I stay 140 without Nutrisystem? I know it’s possible. But it’s so hard when I’m really stressed. I like carry out/delivery when I’m stressed or happy. Sigh.

This week I…

Music of the week: Solange, Maggie Rogers, India.Arie, Taylor Swift, Christina Aguilera, Dave Matthews Band, Rachel Platten, Rozzi

TV of the week: The Bachelor, basketball

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, So You Wanna Be a Witch, rise up! good witch podcast, Tarot for the Wild Soul, Why is This Happening, Pod Save America, Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations, The Astrology Podcast

Books of the week: Now reading – 

Weekend Plans: Hopefully, I will be able to work on my paper. I’m waiting on a book from Amazon. Tracking says it was delivered today. Guess what? It’s not here. I’m not reporting it to Amazon until tomorrow. If someone else got the package, I’m sure they will be amused to get a book called “Traditional Astrology”. How fun! 😉 Either way, I have to work on the paper.

I might drop my taxes off. I’m definitely going to the grocery store. Next week, I’m going to book a study room at the library.

Random, but I finally opened my Etsy shop. I started it about 8 years ago. LOL. I just never listed anything there. I listed 7 things. None of them are related to tarot. I should probably list my tarot stuff there. Is that a horrible idea? I don’t think anyone will buy because my prices won’t be cheap and I don’t have reviews. I might post one for fun tonight and then I’m going to bed.

More random: I’m so sick of people sending me DMs on Instagram. Annoying. Now people are trying to sell me coaching stuff. No thank you, I have enough programs and sending the same DM to everyone isn’t good practice. Before people were hitting on me. That’s when I had less than 100 followers. Now people see I’m a tarot reader and blah, blah, blah.

I’m going to list my shit on Etsy tonight. Maybe I’ll get a sale. Maybe not. I might end up taking it down when I come to my senses tomorrow morning. Oh yeah, I told Facebook and Twitter about my Patreon. No sign ups. I 100% expected that. I’m not going to post on Instagram about it until I’m sure I’m staying around. That will probably be in 2-3 months.

Have a great weekend! Thanks so much for reading!

If I were a different girl

Countdown

95 days until my Getaway from DC 

The Depo-Provera is finally out of my system, and I’m so thrilled! It didn’t take that long. TMI Warning! My periods are much lighter (but not light) and only lasts 3 and a half days. Okay, you can say 4 days. Thank God. I’m loving the BC I’m on. I’m on Bilsovi Fe. The only downside is that my stomach is much bigger and it may have caused weight gain. 😦 BUT I think it might get rid of my period.

I was going to quit Bilsovi in the near future because I’m not having sex and the bleeding from the Depo is gone so why do I need it? But if there is a tiny chance it can get rid of my period, I will stay on it for at least a year. I’ve been on it for about 3 months so far. If you really care about weight gain and bloating, don’t take Bilsovi. I care, but I don’t care enough to quit just yet. I want to post this quote again about Bilsovi. It gives me hope:

After several months on treatment, bleeding may be reduced to a point of virtual absence. This reduced flow may occur as a result of medication, in which event it is not indicative of pregnancy.

I started with the good news first. Now the bad. The day before my birthday I’m getting a pap smear! ROFL. How much does that suck? Uh, at least it’s not on my birthday, right? It is very painful for me. I’m not looking forward to it. But how else am I going to continue to get my BC? I have to go to the OB/GYN. Plus, they were nice last year and said since I’m a virgin, I didn’t have to get a pap smear, so I’ll get one this year. I think I’m going to ask if she can put it on my record that I only have to get one every other year. It sounds like a good plan, but once I get in the doctor’s office, I probably won’t mention it. I’ll see. Once I get off BC (if It doesn’t stop my period), they won’t see me for a while.

I now realize that buying the MacBook Air was a horrible idea. Of course, I really knew that from the beginning. I blame it on the Abilify. I really do. I would have NEVER done something like this prior to being on it. Oh well. I bought it, and it’s here now. I’m not using the Air that much. I’m still using my HP.

I still love my Mac. Nothing’s change.  I should have waited until my HP was really dead. I should have had more patience through that Sunday morning instead of getting frustrated. I got pissed and wanted a new computer NOW. Eventually, the Mac will be my main computer, and maybe I won’t feel so bad. I know it’s worth having. It’s just weird because I’m barely using it. Such an expensive toy to barely use. It will be my primary computer once my HP is really dead.

Buyer’s remorse sucks! :/

I just got back from seeing my psychiatrist. I haven’t seen him in about 6 months. He doesn’t get it. This is why I was searching for a new doctor. I called a few people. I left messages. No one called me back. What should I do? Just show up and make an appointment? I don’t live that far from the office I want to go to.

Anyway, he was SHOCKED that I had side effects from quitting the Abilify. LOL. WTF? Am I supposed to believe that? Where is a competent doctor? I told him I had nausea and I couldn’t eat. Etc. Apparently, he has never heard of such. All he has to do is get on the Google Machine and see that other people have the same issue. And he’s a freaking doctor! He should know!

I talked him into giving me a 2mg dose of Abilify. I will split the pill in half and take 1mg a day. I have to use a mail order pharmacy, and unfortunately, it is snowing right now so I won’t be mailing it off tomorrow. I also won’t be able to test my lawn mower tomorrow due to the snow. 😦 I wanted to do it while I have a half day at work and while my neighbors would be working.

I’m really low on my anti-depressant. Really low as in I have been taking a half of dose for the past 3 weeks and I barely have anything left.  I have to mail these prescriptions off ASAP. I don’t know when I’m doing it. I probably won’t feel like going out and removing the snow from my car tomorrow. On Thursday, it is going to be 60 degrees. Why not just wait until the snow melts? Too bad I won’t have medicine. Whatever. I’ll live. First world issues.

What do I know?

If you hate reading about periods, skip the intro. Sorry. I want to sign up for 11 weeks of yoga. I can’t even do that because of Depo-Provera and my 3 month period. I’m not exaggerating. It isn’t heavy on most days, so I haven’t been complaining that much. But I’m getting sick of it. Like I said last week, if I didn’t work at home I would be screwed! I can only deal because I’m at home 90% of the time.

I’m getting my next Depo injection in mid-July. I’m giving it a whole year and then I have to try something else. I think I’m just going to go with birth control pills because my blood pressure hasn’t been high in about a year.  The period thing is absolutely ridiculous but…

I know what God is trying to do. The Universe is saying, “You wanted to get rid of your period, and it wasn’t even that bad. This is what a bad period is.” Well, I get it!!! lol. Can we move on now? No? Why not? I’m serious.

I’m sick of having a daily period. I’ve been on Depo for almost 6 months. It seems like it has been longer than that. Thanks to this blog, I know it’ll be 6 months on July 8th. I have 3 more months before I give up and you know what? I probably won’t even try another birth control method. Fuck it. I’ll just deal. 😦 Or should I give it a full year? I’m pretty sure everyone says it might take a full year for a period to disappear IF that even happens for me.

So yeah, I’ll give it a year. Sorry for talking about my period so much but this blog is about my life, and this is what is going on in my life right now.

This week I…

Music of the week: Ed Sheeran, Lorde, Jillette Johnson, Halsey, India.Arie, Solange, Lea Michele, Michelle Branch

Shakira is coming to DC in January! I wanna go…but I’m not going. 😦  Blah.

TV of the week: Big Brother, Grey’s Anatomy

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: 

Now reading:

I will have a lot to say about The Residence once I finish reading it this weekend. My favorite thing to do these days is to go outside with my dog after dinner and sit outside and read. I even bought a chair for outside. I was tired of sitting on the porch (too much sun) and sick of sitting on the ground (too many insects). Now my house feels more like a home. Amazing what a wicker chair can do. 🙂

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

DSCN0462

Plans for the Weekend: Grocery shopping on Saturday. Then on Sunday, I’m going to an office park to mail my mail and take my dog for a long walk around the office park if doesn’t rain. Good exercise for me and fun for the pup.

I bought a course that should help me do my part-time job better (if I ever work again!). I’m working on that over this weekend. And I’m doing a lot of leisure reading. I want to finish these books.

Have a nice weekend! Thanks for reading. 🙂

 

I see no beauty in the resistance

I just want my fucking period to END. Why can’t I have a very early menopause? Depo-Provera has fucked up my period, and I’m not happy. I know it is supposed to take a minimum of 6 months to end a period. It could take up to a year. I will probably have my period on my vacation next month, and that sucks.

I’ve had my period for 11 days. However, it wasn’t all bad. Only the past 3-4 days have been bad and just obnoxious. I can’t wait for this to be over.

To make all this worse, I was listening to a talk this morning and someone mentioned Viktor Frankl surviving the Holocaust and I still felt bad for myself. ugh.

People without a meaning in their life are exposed to aggression, depression, and addiction

-Viktor Frankl

I was going to do an entry on my spiritual practice and I probably will. But right now, I’m not feeling very spiritual. After what happened in the waiting room at my PCP’s office, I thought about giving up. But now that I’m back in the safety of my own home, I probably won’t give up.

I don’t feel like the Universe has my back right now.  I woke up feeling this way. And then I went to the doctor’s office, and everything exploded. I didn’t take Klonopin before I went and that was the problem. Klonopin relaxes me. I have to take it when I’m around people. Have to, or I will have experiences like I did today.

A woman was kicking her feet up. Full stop. I know this sounds crazy. It would be nice if someone could relate to how much this bothered me. Anyway, she knew it was driving me nuts. I tried to turn away from her (not the whole time). She kept kicking higher. The point is that why bother being “spiritual” if I can’t sit in a doctor’s office with other people?

What if I can’t enjoy Kripalu because other people are there? What if I can’t work at a different job because people are there? Doesn’t that make me screwed? How can I be spiritual with this going on? Spirit works through people. I have no people. I can’t be the lighthouse for others. What others? I can try to blog about it, and the people who need to read what I have to say will find my blog. That’s one way I can be a tiny lighthouse.

I felt defeated as I waited for the doctor to come see me. I feel better now. But I’m still questioning everything about the Universe and spirituality.

My blood pressure is somewhat fine. It was 120 over 78. Unbelievable. How did that happen? It could be situational. Or it could be the green juice and exercise. I don’t know. I don’t understand why my blood pressure is sometimes high and sometimes fine. I went to the GYN almost 3 months ago. My blood pressure was 130 over something. That’s prehypertensive. It could be due to me being terrified at the OB/GYN. But I don’t think so.

I was shocked when the nurse told me my BP. Shocked and relieved.  I had bloodwork done, and I’m waiting for results.

Instead of an entry detailing my newish spiritual practice, I leave this instead because this is where I am with the Universe and everything.

Time for me to take action

Why not start with a Depo-Provera update? This is the worst period I’ve ever had as far as how much blood I’m losing. This can’t be healthy. I’m on DP because I was losing a lot of blood for 2 days of my cycle. This seems like more than that, but I haven’t been keeping track and I should have. But it just FEELS that way. Next time I will keep track (if It ever stops – ARGH!).

Cramps also came back after not having bad cramps for the past 8-9 months. Thanks a lot, Depo Provera. No weight gain. My weight is steady. I’m grateful for that. I’m not happy about having a heavier period. That sucks. 😦 It should be only temporary, though. It better be!

The nurse practitioner did ask if I wanted an ultrasound to see why I have heavy periods. But I didn’t know if I was losing an unusual amount of blood, so I said no I’ll just try the Depo. Now I feel like I am losing a lot of blood, but I really don’t know for sure.

All I know is that I’m going on vacation with my dog and mom for my birthday (in May). I need to not have my period during that time. Thank you, Universe. Please?

I started drinking my green juice. It’s called Super Greens. It was affordable compared to the $70 bottle of green juice powder. Of course, it is not available on Amazon right now, so I couldn’t ask for it for my birthday. My mom wanted my birthday list 2 months ago, so I had to get it in this weekend. Anyway… Hopefully, it will be back soon so I can order it in the future. I can’t tell how much it is working for energy. I have been drinking less diet Mountain Dew, and I do feel like it might be working, but I’m not 100% sure.

Ugh, my dad is coming back to the United States…to live with my mom…maybe forever! (They are happily divorced). This is only a problem because when I have to take them to the store, I almost have a freaking anxiety attack. I can barely drive UNLESS I take a Klonopin which I will do.But it is still very awkward. I will try praying, meditating, and tapping before I take them anywhere. I’m fine with taking my mom places. I do it all the time.

I still have a lot of social anxiety around my dad, so it’s really hard. I’m so nervous about this. He’s coming next weekend. Oh dear. I’m going to try to work my spiritual tools over this issue. I hope it works. I need it!

I tapped my pain away

Countdown:

73 days until my birthday vacay

106 days until my certification exam

And on the 12th day, I started spotting (just a little). Why did I want to put a TMI alert on this? My whole blog is TMI!  I knew being on Depo-Provera, for just a few weeks would not completely stop my period. It just changed it. Oh well. Hopefully, soon I won’t have a period. That’s the whole point. If I still have a period after a year of injections, I’m done with Depo. I don’t want to give it a whole year, but I feel like I should base on what I’ve read.

I’ve been tapping off and on for years on EMOTIONAL issues. It worked most of the time (temporarily since I didn’t do it consistently). It always relaxed me. But the mouth/tooth pain is back 😦 I’ve been in a little pain. So I decided to try to tap on the pain since so many people swear it works. Well, I can say that it worked for me!!! I’m not kidding.

I took Anbesol for my tooth pain. It didn’t work. That’s strange because it did work last time I took it.  I kept working, and I thought I’ll figure something out when I get off.  I was going to just try more Anbesol, but I decided to try tapping first. My pain was at a seven before I tapped. (10 being the worst pain). I tried tapping with three different videos because I had never tapped on physical pain, so I wanted to try different people.

But one video worked more than the others. I’d never heard of this woman before. Her name is Dr. Kim D’Eramo. She’s awesome. 🙂 On Wednesday, I  tapped with her and got my pain down to a 3 or 4, and on Thursday I got my pain down to a zero or 1. (!!!!) I’m not kidding. I have nothing to gain by lying about this. Anyway, here is the video that worked for me:

Skip to around the 5-minute mark if you are already familiar with tapping. Instead of repeating what she said, I was very specific. For example, I said “the pain in my mouth” instead of the general things she said.

I’m in awe that it worked. Now I’m a firm believer in tapping. I will tap on any and everything. Thank you, Universe! I could go on and on about tapping since I rarely blog about it. But I’ll stop for now.  IT WORKED. Hallelujah!

This week I…

Music of the week:  Ryan Adams, Grace, Ed Sheeran, John Mayer, BROODS, Miranda Lambert, Snatam Kaur, Nirinjan Kaur Khalsa

TV of the week:  basketball, My 600-lb Life

I feel guilty for liking My 600-lb Life since the subjects are miserable, but most people make positive changes. I hate seeing this show trend on Twitter. It’s always people saying things like, “How can you let yourself get this big?” or about how disgusting these people are. Very mature. Have these people ever heard of food addiction? Apparently not or they just don’t care. I don’t read the comments anymore.

Back to the show: The one thing I can’t get over is how a lot of these people on the show never had therapy. HELLO? How come doctors don’t recommend they get therapy immediately? Obviously, these people have an issue with food. It is like some of them aren’t even aware they really are addicted to food. And I guess that is the real problem. Can’t solve what you don’t acknowledge. I think I read 1/3 of Americans have a food problem. It’s either addiction or restricting food. That is why so many people are overweight.

Movie of the week: I’m in the middle of OJ: Made in America. This documentary is so good! It’s brilliant. I would definitely recommend it. Parts of it are very hard to watch. I feel bad for Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman. Ron was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. And poor Nicole. She was battered by this guy for years! What a sad ending. She knew he would eventually kill her. I’m sure I’ll have more to say when I finish the movie.

I’m just glad OJ had a miserable life afterward. A person can’t kill someone, get away with it, and then have a great life. It’s called KARMA.

Books of the week: I finished reading Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything by Geneen Roth. I gave this book 4 stars. It’s a good introduction to Geneen Roth and food issues. I have another book of hers I plan to start soon that will probably be better.

Now reading:

Planner update: Plans in my Erin Condren planner:

dscn0283

Plans for the Weekend: Grocery shopping, studying, dropping books off at the library, reading, blah, blah, blah. Nothing too exciting. I think I’m going to wait until next week to mow my lawn. I’m trying to delay it for as long as possible.

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading! 🙂