Just wait it out

Update: She emailed me! I’m going to start working soon. NERVOUS.


Some people have friends. I have a therapist. Some people have both. No, I don’t consider those people lucky. haha. My therapist gave me perspective on the whole part-time job situation. She said stuff I already knew. I had already said these things to myself, but it’s helpful to have another person say it/confirm it.

They gave me a laptop. They put me on the payroll. I have access to their top secret info. Obviously, I will hear from them eventually. They are still hiring people. My guess is that they are waiting to find enough people in the area so they can train all of us together. HOWEVER, wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t have to guess? I asked a simple question: “did you get my email”? No response.

I know for a fact that she’s in the office because I can see her posting stuff online. She might be very, very busy, but I just wanted an acknowledgment of an email. Geez. I didn’t even ask when I would start training or anything deep about work.

But I’ll just wait. I get to relax a little. I was freaking out when I thought I might be starting work soon. Freaking the fuck out. I don’t know. I still feel like I might crash and burn. Now I’m focusing on my full-time job and the certification course. Of course, I’m still checking my email. I keep my email open these days. That’s probably not healthy because every minute second a response doesn’t come, I get either anxious or frustrated.

They gave me a laptop. I have access to all their top secret things. I’m on the payroll (with no pay). Repeat.

I just have to be patient…even though I feel like I’ve already been patient.


I’d be patient if I had the time


I can’t take the wait or not knowing. WTF am I supposed to do? I could be packing when I’m actually in my apartment if I knew. Everything will be so rushed.

I’m sick of being a vagabond. From hotels (now motels) to my mom’s house. SCREAM.

As far as work is concerned this is a good time as ever to be in between places or whatever the fuck I am. I’m in the office for about 2 weeks. I HAVE TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE BEFORE I START WORKING FROM HOME AGAIN. I tried working in my apartment and I wasn’t as successful. I sooooooooooo need this house in less than 2 weeks. I can’t keep moving from place to place. I am now in my apartment about one night a week. What if I don’t get the house or they push it back until June. Then what??

I have never wanted something so specific (this house) in my life. I hope the landlord finishes up his last install early. At first it was mid-April. Now it is the beginning of May. I can see why they want other applicants. Who would wait this long for a particular house? UGH!

I’m scared/nervous/anxious to be in my apartment. No one will understand this so I’m not even going to try to explain. I have my monthly therapy appointment in early May. O god, I wish I knew when.  I have training two days during the first week of May. To be honest cancelling wouldn’t be a horrible thing. I can’t even get a therapist to understand. (Hello?) I’m sick of her telling me not to be afraid of noise. It isn’t just the god damn noise!!!

Dammit, I just want the house…or to know I have the house. If I do get the house, I will try to rent out my apartment a month later (hopefully June). I have never done this before so I’m going in blind. My plan is to get at least 3 people to apply. Who knows how many people I will have to see to get 3 people or even just 2 people to even apply.

This entry is all over the place. I have to know but I can’t know. So what do I do? Just wait or come up with a realistic plan B? I think I will ask to stay with my mom for the next week. Then if I still don’t know or if I get denied for the house, I will have to go back to my apartment. THE HORROR! Please don’t let that happen. I can’t work there so that will be the worst possible outcome. (I mean I can work but it isn’t up to management’s standards).

Look at me now……….and I don’t even have to move yet or find someone to lease my apartment. The stress now is the not living in one place. And not knowing where I will land. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. I probably almost weigh 130lbs which I know isn’t the end of the world but it isn’t helping me feel better. I need a routine which is very hard without a home base. I eat whatever because I never know where I will be. I buy food for my apartment and then I land at my mom’s house or at a motel. I went to water aerobics for the first time in 3 weeks last night.

I desperately need this house. Seeing the inside just made me want it more. It was meant to be.


Back at work and back to being around people. I have already been called a name (not a bad word – lol) and gossiped about. People. Gotta hate ’em. It’s funny because it seems like this person was just waiting to see me. She doesn’t work in my department so I don’t know her. I just know that she loves to talk about me. 😉 She gave me a name, maybe I should come up with a name for her. I don’t even know how she looks, I just know her voice. What a bitch. Yeah that is a good name. Nah, I can be more creative.

ravens to superbowl

watching football, what else?

tired but I can’t sleep

Wait this isn’t Twitter.

I went to the projects and downtown. I felt out of place in both places but waaay more out of place downtown. And these peeps only live 5 minutes from me! There were tourists and every apartment complex had nice lobbies with security. Come on, college kids live there! But they let me place my brochures in the lobby. Nice but I won’t be coming back unless I get an order. It was a little embarrassing. Geesh!

Did they think I was going to knock on doors! LOL. I just thought of that. Hell no. I won’t even approach a woman on the street. 🙂 hahaha

The projects were quiet at 8:30 this morning. All the signs about “police watching” made me nervous. After all, I don’t live there. So technically I’m trespassing. I know other Avon reps nationwide go to apartment complexes. They (according to the message boards) never had a problem so I thought I would try.

After that I went to the gym. I did 30 minutes on the bike…only because that is the only machine I can read and exercise on. Some people can do it on the treadmill. I haven’t mastered that yet. And yes I did leave 3-4 brochures in the locker room with gift certificates.

And now I feel blah. I’m not home. Can’t sleep. I want to go home. My neighbors were acting shitty yesterday.

I’m going to a THREE hour meeting on Wednesday for youknowwho. I want to go to find out about incentives since I’ve pretty much decided that I’m only going to spend $25 a month (not counting discounts I’m giving people….if they order). 3 hours sounds like a nightmare. But Big Brother isn’t on. I don’t think a football game I wanna see is on. So I may be tired as crap but as of right now I’m going.

Other than that I’m trying to work on patience. I used to be so patient in the car. Now I’m like type A maniac. God help me, if a person drives 5 below the speed limit WITH NO ONE IN FRONT OF THEM. Don’t they know there is a light they could that could stop their slow ass?

See that is what I’m going to change. It is harder to change on my way to work because I’m trying to get there early so I can leave early and when I see a person driving slow…ugh. But when I’m not rushing anywhere, like I’m about to do right now, there is no need to rush.

Horrible last sentence. I have to go. Yay Ravens just scored.