June 2021 Overview

Here are a few entries from my private journal. I deleted some names. June was a roller coaster. Btw, there are probably a lot of grammatical errors. I type these entries on my phone.

June 3, 2021

Ugh! Overtime next week. Boo.

And I’m supposed to start with A next week. Sigh. Yes, it makes me angry. They are taking my rest, sanity and opportunities from me. 

I hate my day job. But thanks for the healthcare.

No therapy this week. Boo to that too.

I’m nervous. Nervous about everything. The unknown. Work.

My dog is laying his head on my pillow like a human. He’s such a sweet boy. 

Grateful for: free time today

June 6, 2021

I wonder if my therapist is guilty of gaslighting? Does she even know what that is? I barely know but she does question some of my experiences. I feel. 

I don’t often interrupt her but maybe I should instead of just nodding. 

Ugh. Tomorrow begins a non great week. I’m going to try to work most of my time on Saturday.

I meditated for two days in a row. That’s good.

Grateful for: nice walk with my dog

June 10, 2021

This is supposed to be about a possible gastroparesis business. 

I know I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing group classes unless I couldn’t see the people. Maybe. But I can do other things. 

I would like to slowly explore having a resource for people with GP. 

Right now I don’t have time. But I may have some time when/if the VA business slows down and I stop doing overtime. 

It just feels right. I don’t have clarity on getting a certification. Because that costs money and I know all the stuff won’t apply to me but I will learn a lot. Not that I have time right now for school. I need time and money. 

But I can provide free resources and support.

June 20, 2021

UGH! My mom kicked my dad out. The day before father’s day. I will never forget. At least we got to spend some time together yesterday. I took him to Walmart alone. Mom wasn’t feeling well. 

He gave me $20 and when a woman was asking (begging) for money, I gave her $2. Then my dad asked, “How much did you give her?” I told him and he gave me $2 back. That was nice. He never got his father’s day card, though. 

She’s too paranoid to live with. I wish I could buy a house. Or rent. I was looking on Zillow. So many nice places. But I’ve got a long way to go. 

Still don’t know about OT this week.

Hope my dad is doing well. I hope he has someplace to stay.

Fuck her!

June 27, 2021

Took my dog on an impromptu park trip today. It was nice but too many dogs there. I might do one more summer Sunday. 

My mom still sucks. If she knew he was sick, why did she kick him out? I wasn’t aware of how out of it he was. 

To play catch up, dad was found wondering in Pennsylvania. Luckily someone took him to the ER or called for an ambulance. 

So my sister is looking for nursing homes. So glad she is doing that. So grateful for that. And I told her that on Facebook. What my mom did was shitty. 

I’m supposed to be planning this next quarter or at least the next week. 

Grateful for: my sister

The end. These aren’t all the entries, of course. I journaled almost every day this month. LOTS of drama at the end of the month. I paid for my dad to have a hotel for 3 nights, but he didn’t want to pay for more nights or he really doesn’t have the money. He is in the ER (long term ankle pain and disoriented) until my sister can find a nursing home. I hope I can visit him this summer or fall.


Thanks for reading. Have a good week. Get some rest. 🙂

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t

I just tapped on clearing resentment.

These past few days I’ve been struggling with what to do about finances and my parents. Two separate issues. The good thing is that according to my mom, my dad might be going back to living overseas. I know this sounds bad for me to be happy about. But try driving someone somewhere in a panicked state. Driving is serious. Accidents can happen! If I didn’t have to take him anywhere, his presence wouldn’t be so bad. But him living with my mom forever does scare me.

There is something scary about FOREVER. According to what my mom thought, my dad was going to live with her forever. That’s scary shit. I don’t like forevers. It seems so final. Anyway, now I can breathe (a little). Because I think he is going back. He probably just came back to America to get some of his stuff together. He usually comes back once a year, so maybe this is what he is doing now.

I guess I resent my mom because she knows I have a hard time driving him around. Why does she make a joke out of it? Yes, I could be 100% honest and say: I’m close to having panic attacks while I’m driving him around so I would rather not do it. That is honest, but I’m not doing it. I rarely talk to my dad. The last thing I’m going to do is NOT take him to the store. I feel like that’s the least I can do. But my mom doesn’t have to make light of it. It’s not funny.

Sigh. So that is why my parents are currently getting on my nerves.

And financial stuff. Ack! I thought I was okay. My rent is still too high, so I’m not saving much money. But I thought I had debt under control. Um, nope. One of my credits cards is out of control. I just got the bill over the weekend, and I freaked out. It was over $100 for the minimum payment! This is a new thing. I’ve NEVER had a minimum payment that high.

Today I paid double the minimum payment  (yes, over $200) and I’m paying more in mid-April. But this isn’t going to get better unless I start working at my part-time job. I might have to consolidate. That may be the only answer for this card. But I want to lower it on my own before I even consider consolidating. That probably doesn’t make financial sense. But whatever.

I’m willing to work 2 jobs. I’m just waiting for the PT job to start back up. It’s seasonal work.  I can’t afford to wait forever. I’ve been waiting since December. I’ve enjoyed the time off. Trust me. I don’t LOVE working 24/7. That is what I was doing October through December. I had no free time. I could not read books. I wasn’t enjoying life much. But I need the money. I’m willing to do it differently this time. I will still nap for an hour a day and then work all afternoon. However, I will take time for myself on the weekends. I need a couple of hours a day on Saturday and Sunday.

I should be thankful I’m not working now. How could I study for the certification exam if I was working all the time? I have no idea. How could I read all these spiritual books if I was working so much? Uh, but I need the money. I can work it out somehow.

Speaking of my certification exam, I made an 82 on my practice exam!!!  🙂 That is the highest score I’ve ever gotten. I only have one more practice exam left. I made a 72 on the first two exams I took. They said you shouldn’t take the real exam if you can’t make an 80 or above on a practice exam. I finally did it! Woohoo! I was shocked. I don’t feel good about the amount of guessing I did, but I’m going to guess on the real exam too. lol. This stuff is hard.

Gotta go.

Head in the clouds

WARNING: Radical opinion alert

I think people who want to become parents should have to have a home study or become certified. That would lower the birth rate. No doubt. People act like it is their right to have kids. Where does that come from? Parenting is serious shit and people just do it like it’s nothing. Does this not blow anyone else’s mind?

Do people not read about child abuse cases? I read them almost every single day. What about the recent case where the toddler thought her name was “idiot” because that’s what her mom’s boyfriend called her? And what about cases where the kid dies? And people think EVERYONE should have kids. Dumb opinion. Yeah, I said it.

I’m not only talking about extreme situations. I know lots of people who should have never had kids. A home study or certification would have taken care of that. I was going to say I wouldn’t have been born if strict laws were in place, but my parents probably would have passed. You can’t catch everything.

What was wrong with one of my parents (won’t say which one – I feel bad), probably wouldn’t have been caught. But today this parent fully admits to doing things that he or she knows would ruin my life. This person is beyond clueless. I’m trying to be nice. 😉  This person is selfish when it comes to money…and I’ll stop. No need to list everything this person has done, but it’s bad.

I had to get this out. I’m sick of human beings acting like they are entitled to have kids. We aren’t entitled to jobs or health care, but entitled to kids? HUH? They do it without even THINKING about it. I think everyone knows someone who has said, “I didn’t think about it (having kids), I just did it.” I know people who have said that to me and I don’t talk to a lot of people.

That’s scary. Buddha or whoever, please help people. Obviously, this makes me angry. I shouldn’t blog about it, but I see so much ignorance on this topic. People are saying everyone should have kids when they know that’s not true.

Forget changing the ‘justice’ system. If I could change one thing, I might change the way we do parenting in the United States. But I know this will never happen because of people’s entitlement issues regarding parenting.

I got most of it out. Every few years, I have to blast parents.Nothing is changing. It might be getting worse, and I feel like no one is doing anything. I’m not really expecting laws to be put in place. That’s absurd. But if people could at least think about parenting in a different way, I think the world would be a better place for our kids.

I wanted to do another rant about Obama and his drone strikes, but this doesn’t feel like the place or time for it. I need to have a more informed opinion about it. All I know is that he approves drone strikes, and that’s bad. Horrible. Hillary and Trump would probably continue the drone strikes. Ugh! And I’m going off on a tangent…

Three posts in 3 days. Go me. I’m on a roll. Pissing people off…one post at a time. Um, that’s not my intention. I just have strange opinions. Apparently.

I’ve gotta figure it out

My car’s engine light is off!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!! And I didn’t have to do anything. That has happened before. I didn’t think it would happen this time because the car was jerking PLUS the engine light was on. Now the car isn’t jerking either. 🙂

I went thrifting. I spent $15.50 and bought 2 blouses, 1 t-shirt, 2 pairs of capris, 1 pair of exercise pants, and 1 book. Here are the blouses:

new with tag!

new with tag!

I love those blouses. I bought the capris to wear while I’m mowing the lawn and walking my dog. I don’t wear those when I go out since I don’t shave my legs. If I wore shorts in public, people would stare and probably point. I HATE being looked at, so there’s no way I’m going to give people a reason to look.

Now I have semi-not so good news for me. My mom is going with me to Asheville. I felt guilty since she hasn’t been on a trip in 3 years. I’ve been to Mexico, Vegas, etc. She was taking care of her mom.

So…yeah. It isn’t the most horrible news. Obviously. But my mom can get on my nerves. I’m sure some people can relate. She does things to purposely annoy me. I don’t get how you can care for someone and yet, do something to annoy them. If someone can explain that to me, that would be great.

That is why I can’t live with her. She can be so annoying. I could save so much money if I did. Then I would be able to buy my dream house in the country. Anyway, we don’t have much in common. I’m so much like my dad it is scary. She’s not into politics, current events, books or music like I am. (Those things are pretty much my life).

I could fill 3 or 4 entries complaining about her. I will try not to. I will go on about her in this entry, though. lol. She is one of those people who thinks she’s nice, but she’s not. I hate that. She can be spiteful. She just blames the other person for everything.

We would never be friends if we weren’t related. NEVER. We are just so opposite. I hope this doesn’t ruin my Asheville trip. I don’t think it will. I won’t allow it. Plus, she isn’t that bad. 😉 This is just me venting about almost everything bad she’s ever done.

I just feel sort of obligated. But hopefully, I can get away on a solo trip in 2017. Not sure. I might have to keep it a secret, and then I’ll feel bad. I feel horrible for even thinking these thoughts.

Her presence won’t ruin my trip. I said it here first.

Parents. They mess you up and then they act like they are owed something. rofl.

I like to do things alone (including traveling). I’m very independent. I don’t understand people who won’t even try things on their own. That is how my mom is. That is why we didn’t do things as kids. She always relied on others. I don’t get why anyone would want to live that way.  Thanks for screwing up my life. Wanna go on a trip?

If I have to

I’m only “living” right now because my mom is alive. But sometimes I think this is all too much to do just because of one person. Yeah, she would be devasted.  But I’m not really alive…mostly due to her. That is not the point, at all.

Just saying.

I wish I would die tonight. Death is the ultimate joy. Truth is I resent my mom for a few reasons and not being able to kill myself is one. But I could do it…I’m a coward. But on days like today I think I should really kill myself.

No point in talking about it since I won’t do it. Parents really can fuck you up. haha. My only laugh of the day.

She’s already killed me so why not just really end it? I have a conscious. fuck me. I wish I didn’t care.

Maybe I’ll get into a car accident. Or something…there’s hope, right??????????? Other people are dying when it should be me.

I’m sooooooooooooooooo not fishing for comments. I just had to vent somewhere other than on twitter. I feel guilty when  I tweet a lot. I don’t even know if I have any followers. I used to. I stopped checking about 6 months ago. Okay, wierd ramble.

I Need Some Fine Wine And You, You Need To Be Nicer

Parents and entitlement. Maybe it isn’t just parents. I guess brothers, sisters, mother-in-laws, cousins can act like this too. This is a repeat. My dad has announced he will be coming in October or November. NO HE DIDN’T ASK. He mentioned his room? WTF? My cat has a room and I have my bedroom. 2 fucking rooms. You don’t have one. What an asshole. Heh. I so want to go off on him. Instead I’m going ignore his email for about 48 hours. Then I will respond with probably “okay”. Since asking how long he will stay will not get me an honest answer.

Nah, I’ll say something like, “As soon as you know exactly when, can you let me know?” Does that sound bitchy? TO HIM, I think it would. And I’m not trying to sound that way. I want to tell him: You can’t just come into someone’s life and fuck it up. Who do you think you are? Do you have a conscious? I really wish I hadn’t taken that furniture. That would make this much easier if I had the room, I use to have. Having furniture sucks. I’ve always leaved without it but when someone says “two free sofas”. Ugh, I should have said NO.

Ugh. I do have to respond with something other than “okay”. I really don’t want to think about this now. I go with the whole “entitlement” thing because people always say when you don’t have kids, “Who is going to take care of you when you are older?” Hello? Do you really want to be a burden to your kids? Is that all there is? Wow, the nerve. I’m the kind of person who never asks anyone for anything so this concept is mind boggling to me. The “kids” didn’t ask to be born. Leave ’em alone!

Ha. How cold blooded does that sound? I just don’t like when it is expected. You know, taken for granted. This isn’t the case with my dad, btw. Totally different situation.
Let’s go Ravens! I love this early start of Monday Night Football. The ravens keep turning the ball over. *groan*

I’m leaving for the beach on Saturday. I’ll be back on Monday. I’m off from work Monday & Tuesday. I’m very grateful for that. The hotel we (my mom and I) are staying at is too expensive for May-August. There is no reason to pay about $100+ a night when you get can a perfectly nice hotel on the beach for less. All of the hotels are oceanfront with patios so why pay more? Every time I walk by the more expensive hotels, I always wonder what is inside. lol. What makes it sooo special. I’m guessing nothing makes it worth the extra money but I’ll see on Saturday.

I don’t get this at the other hotel:

Guestrooms offer fully equipped kitchens, including stoves, toasters, microwaves, refrigerators, coffeemakers, cookware, and dishes. Separate sitting areas have sofa beds and oceanfront balconies. TVs come with premium cable channels. Wireless Internet access is complimentary.

This is the sofa I will be sleeping on. Some people get king beds. 😉 But it’s okay when “some people” are paying. lol

sleeper sofa

effing parents

There’s nothing like blogging when you are pissed. If you are a parent you will probably find this post offensive. Well really most people…parent or not. Whatever. I’m ranting. (That was a warning to stop reading!)

UGH. Parents and their selfishness. It is rarely talked about. Yes we are all selfish. But creating a mini-me is that not the most selfish act of all? Woah, that is extremely judgmental and probably not fair. But I do feel justified in saying it because no one else does!

First let me explain WHY I’m going off at 8AM on a Sunday morning. My un-welcomed house guest – My dad – says he he coming back!!!!!!! He gave no indication as to when. You better believe he will answer that question. There is a time difference but I’m hoping by the end of the day I get an answer. How fucking selfish is it to invite yourself to someone’s house? But that is not the point. At all.

Look at my last entry. I had plans. Before I was going out to mow the lawn in a couple of hours, I was going to turn my house back to ‘normal’. That means PRE-dad-month-long-invasion (that was only supposed to be 2 weeks – lies from the start!). Note that once he was here I rarely (if ever??) complained about him being here in this blog or to anyone. Yes I wanted my solitude at home but I was busy with work and school so it wasn’t too bad. I had to change my sleeping schedule which was probably the hardest adjustment of all. Oh, and the clothes situation was bad (read below). Here is what went really wrong:

He “flooded” my bathroom. I have flooded in quotes because my house and apartments have literally been flooded. Most of the time by acts of nature. One time my water heater exploded. But he got everything super soaked with no explanation at all. I didn’t even realized exactly what had happened – wait, I still have no idea HOW it happened.

He took apart my closet rack and threw my clothes all over the floor. How considerate! I didn’t find out about that until he was gone and I needed a text book from class. I went into his room to quickly get my book and saw my clothes all over the floor. I was shocked. And he had taken apart my rack that I put together all my myself. TODAY, I was going to put my clothes back on the rack because that is the ONLY space I have for my clothes. But if he is coming back in a month or less WHAT IS THE POINT??

He messed up my lock on the front door which was already messed up. The only person I have to fix them is the person that fucked them up to begin with so I have to come up with some solution.

Those are my major complaints. I thought my cat would be a problem. I thought it would be hell and it wasn’t. I thought it would be waaaaaaaay worse.

In case this is one incoherent mess, my point is that today I got up early with the intent of turning my bedroom into my bedroom. Now I’m all frazzled. I have no idea when he is coming and more importantly, HOW OFTEN THIS WILL HAPPEN? What if he makes this a habit? I don’t know why he would want to do that. He cannot stay here in the winter. I don’t have heat in the bedroom and my electric bill in the winter is double what it is during the summer (and it is still freezing) so if he is going to heat that room, he has to pay.

See I’m going off without knowing anything. Anxiety. Anxiety. UGH!

But back to parents being selfish twits. I am grateful for you in ways you have helped. Call that parenting or whatever. But dude, did you all think before bringing a child(ren) in this fucked up world? I am not grateful for being born. I’d rather not be here at all. I had no choice. I have already tried suicide. It didn’t work. I don’t have the courage nor strength if I did, I would not be blogging right now. (sidenote: Should I do a post on suicide and my thoughts on the act? hmmm, Probably not. I’ll just say I’m part of the right-to-die club and leave it at that).

To make this self centric post possibly helpful to others. Here is what I want to say to possible, future parents:

DO NOT HAVE KIDS……………..j/k. There’s more. DO NOT HAVE KIDS IF….

  • You don’t think about the effect it will have on your life and of course the child’s life.
  • You are lonely and just want someone to hang out with.
  • You just want to be loved.
  • You are bored
  • You see no meaning in life so um, let’s create a kid so I can get some meaning there.
  • You just know they are going to supply you with grandchildren.
  • You think there will be someone be there to take care of you when you are older (<–that one drives me nuts).
  • I could go on but those are some of the main reasons. I and my sister were born because a certain parent didn’t THINK about it. This person just saw everyone else doing it. (OMG how can people not think about such a huge life altering thing.) This person was lonely and wanted companionship. This person was bored with life at the time and this gave the person a meaning or perhaps just something to do. And by god, it is so natural. Everyone else is doing it.

    Ugh. I’m disgusted. Clearly.

    I’m going to attempt to do something. I will at least mow the lawn because I have to do that whether entitled houseguest comes or not.

    Everyone is selfish. Everyone makes selfish decisions. But bringing a new human in the world without thinking it through sorta bothers me. Can you tell? My cat is driving me bonkers. I have to give her a treat or she will make me want to strangle her. Call the SPCA! I chose to adopt her. In my defense (lol), I thought cats were less likely to bother me. I thought they were independent and a little more like me. Where did I get that idea? ROFL. But I take such gooooood care of my cat. And I never inflict anyone else with my decision to adopt her. She is a little mini-me. She hates other cats. 🙂

  • childfree is my responsibility

    I retweeted this article but I have to post excerpts here. It’s written by the uber cool Lisa Hymas. It is soooooooo awesome. 🙂

    Say it loud: I’m childfree and I’m proud

    Childfree people tread too gingerly around parents, as though we might wound their feelings if we told the truth about why we’ve made different decisions than they have.  But we insult them by thinking they’re so fragile or insecure about their family choicesand we shortchange ourselves and society at large by not speaking openly about the legitimate choice to not have a child.

    Once again people think everything is about them! HELLO? This is my thing, my life, & my decision. I knew posting this article would piss off some “friends” so I’m not going to do it. Some people are insecure about choices…I am about a few of mine.

    I am thoroughly delighted by the fact that the most humane thing for me to do is to have no children at all.

    Word. And knowing this with every fiber of my being is comforting. It is the only thing I know for sure.

    If being a parent is something you’ve longed and planned for, or already embarked upon, I respect your choice and I wish you luck.  Go forth and raise happy, healthy kids.  May they bring you joy and fulfillment, and may they become productive members of society who faithfully pay their Social Security taxes.

    Of course, you parents and parent wannabes don’t need my encouragementour society supports your decision overwhelmingly.

    Yep go for it. I do think the encouragement is unnecessary. What if the person/couple can’t have kids? People don’t need the pressure. We don’t know the person’s situation. Some people don’t want kids…and thei “encouragement” is annoying (and sometimes rude).

    Yes, as a childfree person, I’ll miss out on a lot: The miracle of childbirth (though, truth be told, I don’t feel so bad about skipping that one).  The hilariously perceptive things that only kids say.  A respectable excuse for rereading the Harry Potter series.  The hope that my kid will be smarter and cooler and better looking than I ever was.  More boisterous holiday celebrations.  Someone to carry on the family name (assuming I won the arm-wrestling match with my partner over whose name the kid would actually get).  Maybe even the satisfaction of helping a child grow into a well-educated, well-adjusted adult, and the peace of mind of knowing there’s someone to take care of me in my old age.

    I have a problem with the last sentence. That is no guarantee. Look around and the last thing I would want is to be a burden to my kid! The miracle of childbirth? What about hours of agonizing pain? No, thank you. I’d would like to skip 100% of things on that list. Those aren’t the only “good” things, right? The tax breaks need to be added. That’s a good thing.

    If you’re intentionally childfree, how many times have you been asked, “So, when are you going to have children?” and mumbled a less-than-candid reply: “Oh, I’m not sure,” or “Well, it just might not happen for us,” or “Maybe someday …” when what you really mean is “Never.”

    What would happen if you answered the kid question honestly? “No, I’m happy with my life as is,” or “A child doesn’t fit into our life plans,” or “Kids aren’t really my thing,” or “I think there are plenty of people on the planet already.”

    I don’t have a problem telling the truth when asked a question especially one as presumptuous as that. I had to laugh at the latter paragraph. “Kids aren’t really my thing,” is how I naturally talk. lol. Now I have the strong urge to say that out loud. Most people are presumptuous enough to not ask ME about having kids. 😉

    The comments to the article are worth reading. BTW, the article is about how not having kids is good for the planet. It isn’t a “yay, I don’t have kids” article. Also check out her response article: Debunking the “you’d be a great green parent” argument

    meet my dad?

    Rule#1 You don’t ask an introvert to stay at their house for a month! Even if you are going to be “mostly out of town”! AHHHHHHHHH

    Just when I thought, it couldn’t be any worse. FUCK. Parents. LOL. OMG. This is a joke…until it happens. “Sure you can stay but now I gotta find a place to stay.” My god. What am I supposed to do. My house is not livable for me and my cat much less another human being. I DON’T CLEAN. And I won’t start for you. (ohh! Bitch).

    My ultimate nightmare. I don’t cook or clean. This could not be more awkward. My dad has never asked me outright if he can stay with me before…until yesterday through email. The last time I was living in an apartment. The bedroom was free so it wouldn’t have been that big of deal. I tend to nest in one room. I went from living in my parents house to a dorm room to a studio apartment. I haven’t gotten the more than one room thing down yet.

    Btw, my dad lives out of the country (can I live with you, for real??? – ;p) right now.

    So not the freakin point. Awkward position. Fuck. I’d give him money for food (restuarant) but no person can LIVE with me. I’m a bachelor. My house is a bachelor pad. (Yes I am a girl but trust me, I live like a guy). And then my cat. If she escapes, someone is going to die.

    fuck. I don’t want to say NO even though that is what I want to say. It is what makes me comfortable. And trust me, he would be more comfortable living elsewhere. It will be so awkward. I’m going to have to probably work the weirdest hours possible. If they offer overtime (lol), I will be living at work.

    I need time to think about this. I don’t like when people spring things on me and I let people know this. Don’t ask me anything the day of. THE ANSWER WILL BE NO. But this is June…maybe he will change his mind. (pleasepleaseplease). I don’t want to say no but if we become more estranged, I’m not going to blame myself.

    We are estranged. We don’t talk. I only talk to one person in the world.

    whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy? My house is not equipped for this. FUCK. I would be much more angry if I didn’t have time to see if I could find him somewhere to sleep. I sleep in the living room so NO that is not where you can sleep, dad. 🙂 This would’ve been much better in the apartment. My house is soooo small and I have no storage. I use my bedroom as a storage/clothes space. He can’t sleep in the cat room and he wouldn’t want to. So what do I do?

    This is a disaster…waiting to happen. As long as he doesn’t expect *anything* it will be a little less of a diaster.

    Even if I got married, I wouldn’t live with the person. Jeez.


    loner anxious introvert


    I got a ticket to see John Mayer. 8th row. woofreakinhoo! who cares now? not me. blah. I’ll try to post some better stuff in the future. I was supposed to start my Buddhism series in this blog but I got distracted by my lack of a TV (huh?). I will start on Monday or Tuesday of this week.

    Yes the normal enlightened person or on the path to enlightenment would say “yes” (and have some doubts/fears) but not a socially anxious one. LOL. Every self help book needs to add a chapter for people afraid of people.  I ‘m trying to get on the path of enlightenment but I’m sitting at the starting line by myself with a little knowledge and zero tools. That is the best way to sum that up.

    I can’t say no……….I won’t.

    get away with murder

    I’m pissed right now. Why is it that parents can get away with murder? It is the only group that can get away with almost anything. And it is voluntary! Most people (94.6%) weren’t born with this condition. They chose it! No one ever calls them on it. The drug addict with kids: “She did the best she could.” WTF??? Why did you have kids in the first place? HAVING KIDS IS A Privilege!!

    Hello? Am I the only sane person on earth? I should be thankful that I get this. That I know me having kids is wrong. But dammit, it makes me so angry when they act like it’s a right. And I have pets. I’m not perfect. I’m selfish with it sometimes. I wanted the pet so I got the pet. I didn’t think about the vet bills. I didn’t want to think about the vet bills. It was all about me wanting a pet because I never had one growing up. And gosh darn it, when I turned 18 I got my dog (from the animal shelter) because I’d been deprived. *scoff* Silly but true.

    Why this outburst NOW? Because I have flat feet. And it hurts when I walk long distances. I’m 100% sure my mom knew about this because my sister had it and guess what? She got it corrected!!! Now I walk funny every freaking day and get made fun of all the time. Which is NOTHING compared to the pain I have and the future problems.

    Thanks a lot mom. You didn’t do your best. You were selfish. You wanted kids and you had them.  At all cost. Simple as that.

    Is our culture ever going to change? Or are people going too keep acting like having kids is their right? Pisses me off that people have kids so casually. And then take no responsibility. You can’t blame them for anything. They can do no wrong. Parents are saints. ROFL.

    It’s ridiculous. Is every country like this? WHY? Lol. I’m sorry but I see shit like this every day. I’m going to have a kid no matter what my circumstances are because it is my right and I want one. WAKE THE FUCK UP.

    No, I don’t mean any of this. I’m just pissed because I have flat feet. And who has to pay for this shit NOW?

    FUCK $%^