empty all my pockets if you like

Here is my political post for the year.

I’m so disappointed in the Obama administration. I hate how they are running the campaign. I don’t see how any independents can vote for him if I have issues with him.  I don’t get it. I see him losing in November. I really do. I don’t hope he loses. He isn’t that bad. It isn’t just his administration, I’m weary of all the Dems and even the liberals. I’m just through. Done. Tired.

Both sides are engaging in the negativity but perhaps I expected more from one side. Maybe it is because I live in a swing state and the commercials are finally getting to me. Or maybe I consume too much news.* I’m sure watching the Republican Convention isn’t helping. I don’t know. Maybe next week’s Democratic Convention will turn me on. I doubt it but I will give it a try.

*I need to go back to primarily listening to NPR. I used to listen every morning but then I started working from home and now I watch Morning Joe everyday. Is that the problem? 😉

As I’m typing this, I keep going “I don’t know. I don’t know” because I really don’t know what is bothering me so much.

Here is my Obama theory: He is waiting for his next term to do what he really wants to do. That is why he has to win. He knows he can’t lose or he has failed (despite passing health care reform and getting Bin Laden). Why has the election gotten so nasty? Obama knows he has to win. HAS TO or he will look like crap in history. The problem is that I don’t know what he really wants to accomplish. Are we on the same wavelength? He is so smart so I  don’t believe that he doesn’t see what I see. He has to know what is going on. He is f%$^ing brilliant! Maybe this is part of my frustration. Here is this intelligent man who is doing some WTF stuff. He must be waiting for his next term. That is the only thing that makes sense. (Plus he told a leader of another country just that).

On the other hand, I have no idea what kind of president Romney would be. I’m leaning towards not that bad of a president but since he keeps “changing his mind”, I don’t know what he would really do.  I do believe he is faking his hard core conservative beliefs. (But Paul Ryan is not faking it).  But who knows? He could have been faking it to be the governor of Massachusetts. I give up. I have no clue.

I’m not voting for Romney. That is not happening. There is no doubt in mind about that. So that leaves Obama. I guess I just want to be excited to vote in November. And I’m not. I don’t even want to go through the trouble of getting up at 5AM vote.  No, I’m not doing that. I just decided I’m voting on my lunch break. People where I live don’t tend to go crazy over voting so I doubt there will be a line and if there is, I guess I’m going back home. I am going to make myself vote. If I didn’t live in a swing state, I might let myself off the hook but I can’t not vote. I just can’t.

I don’t think Obama is the lesser of two evils. Politics has just gotten so bad that everyone is looking bad.

Through blogging it out, I have realized that I’m just not excited about voting for Obama but I will. And I’m really, really sick of this election cycle. It’s horrible (especially if you live in a swing state). I want to vote for a politician who stands for what I believe in. I did that once in a primary. I had hopes for Obama but…………

I just want to scream. It will over in November. Hopefully. Reminder: Gore V. Bush.

Did I just blog about how corrupt politicians are? *********BREAKING NEWS*******

I also just find some things about America really depressing. The lack of jobs. Companies aren’t going to stop sending jobs overseas if they can get work cheaper that way. (higher taxes for companies that outsource jobs – child, please!) Call me cynical, I think the jobs are gone for good. There is going to be a crisis. It will be worse than it is now.

The racial overtones of this whole election and the way the poor are getting shafted from both sides…maybe more on one side than the other.  Depressing.  I wish the poor would vote. I do understand why they don’t vote. I grew up poor (in the projects for about 5 years) so I get the mentality but it is still exasperating.  I’m reading a book about the penal system. This quote sort of reminds me of something going on in America today:

They repeatedly raised the issue of welfare, subtly framing it as a contest between hardworking blue-collar whites and poor blacks who refused to work. The not-so-subtle message to working-class whites was that their tax dollars were going to support special programs for blacks who certainly did not deserve them.

Sound familiar? I will have more quotes from The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander . Great book but a depressing message. 😦

Obama doesn’t have to worry about what Black voters think about his support of gay rights. (FYI, 42% of blacks support gay marriage). He needs to worry about other groups. I’m still surprised he put his job on the line for his personal views. What he said was great but it doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. He still wants gay marriage to be a state thing.

I get it but I always think that is such a cop-out. “Let the states decide”. BS. And what if you live in a crappy state? What do you do then? (Don’t say “move”. LOL). Anyway this shouldn’t matter to voters because he isn’t going to change any policy based on his personal support of gay marriage. Shhh! Don’t tell people that.

This should bring some interesting and annoying conversation.

Oh and do not read the comments from this article. It made me think less of man kind. I usually skip the comments on everything but I had to peek. Wish I didn’t.

Tonight Tonight


President Obama. I doubted him. I always knew he was really for gay marriage but WOW to announce this now…. I’m impressed. Looks like I will be voting for sure in November. (I was 75% for voting prior to this announcement). WOW.

Kudos to the Pres. YOU ROCK OBAMA*!

*Oh, this still does not excuse all your promises you have reneged on. And I’m still bitter at one of his policies.

I’m actually sort of happy about this! YAY. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂


Um, what did I just do???! I’m staying at the beach for an extra night. I’ve never stayed anywhere for 4,  5 or 7 days. Yet 3 nights at the beach felt like a week to me so I figured why not? I don’t know….So I’m heading to the beach Monday afternoon after working a full day. I kept going back and forth about this. I kept thinking about how good it would feel to wake up on Tuesday at the beach instead of driving there on Tuesday.

I hope it is worth it. 🙂 Another thing is that I’m staying at two different hotels during this trip. I’ve stayed in both hotels before. What I don’t like about the Monday night hotel is the *wait for it* NOISE. That is why even though this hotel is cheaper I chose not to stay there for the other two nights. But for one night, I can deal. Maybe I will have quiet people above me this time? (please! please!)

The last time I stayed there I was in bed watching the end of the late NBA playoff game (around 11:30PM) and the guys above me were watching the hockey playoffs. OMG, they were loud. Cheering for every goal. Blah, blah, blah. I even went on the balcony to avoid them but I think they had their balcony door open because that didn’t help. Anyway, the noise and the sleeper sofa sucks. Everything else is pretty good.

The weather doesn’t look great. It will be warm during the day and around 60 degrees at night. That isn’t the issue. It is supposed to rain on my birthday! 😦 hehe. I’m sure I will still enjoy being there anyways. But now I have to pack more than maxi dresses.


I really need to stop selling Avon. I don’t want to because I have 2 consistent customers. For some reason I got 4 calls and 1 email from new people wanting Avon. I was freaked out. Guess what I did. I “lost” my cell phone for 5 days. I didn’t try to find it. I didn’t check my voice mails. How do you spell “avoidance”?  Nope, I didn’t call any of those people back. (am I supposed to feel bad? I do but I don’t do phones).

However I did email the one person who emailed me…5 days later. And now I’m scared to check my email.

I suck at this. ugh.


walking the dog

I’m so angry. I can’t even begin to guess what is reason #1. Is it that while others (re: my coworkers) or wondering what to have for dinner, I’m contemplating quitting my job or suicide. They go hand in hand. Sorta. If I quit my job, I may as well kill myself. If I kill myself = jackpot! Obviously it should be suicide but I’ve tried in the past and it didn’t work so why will it work NOW? Am I angry enough? Last time I was just sad/depressed. Maybe one needs to be angry to commit suicide.

I started a book on the history of suicide and how to prevent it etc. Sorry, I don’t believe in suicide prevention. Well I guess some people can be talked out of it. People with faith. There goes that word again! People with friends and family support. What people don’t get about suicide is that the person BELIEVES* that the world is better off without them. That includes spouses, kids, etc.

*Beliefs are everything…unfortunately.

So I’m not going to kill myself today or probably this year. That reality sucks. I want suicide to always be an option. There is freedom in that. Freedom in knowing that at anytime I could end THIS.
I should be writing this in my paper journal. Maybe it’s lack of sleep. I’m pretty sure it’s not PMS (but then again I’m not really keeping track of it). Maybe it is I’M SICK OF PEOPLE ALWAYS PUTTING ALL THEIR ISSUES ON ME.

Dude, do you act like an adult?? We have to start there first. LOL. Yes, I’m uptight. There are certain things (mostly types of annoying noise) that I cannot tolerate. I guess I should be put on Valium or something so I won’t be able to hear the noise. OR MAYBE YOU COULD STOP POPPING YOUR GUM OR YOUR INK PEN OR YOUR SODA BOTTLE (?). You know act like an adult???? Why is it ALL on me? “Oh she is uptight, a control freak etc.” When it comes to noise…hell yes!

If you think this is nuts, you should see me during PMS. Don’t even look at me. Make noise and I will excuse myself.

Today I went to pick up a prescription – no not Valium – and it wasn’t ready. I told them to have it ready at 3PM and it was 3:50. Normally this wouldn’t upset me but:

1. I had a “I hate people” day. (This occurs on most days but when I’m around new groups of people it is even worse. IS EVERYONE THIS ANNOYING? Maybe that is why I don’t like humans?? Lol)

2. Several roads were closed/being worked on. I’m not joking. I had to do a lot and knocked over a cone to get to the pharmacy. (I will never forgive Obama for this. I can hold a grudge – shocking!)

3. It was one of the rare times I went through the drive-thru. He said “Do you want to wait?” Wait, where in the drive-thru?? After all this I did not want to park and go in. But I know I would need some drugs tonight after the day I had. (I skip sometimes…when humans aren’t around – ha). I could have done that in the first place.

Most of all I’m mad at myself for being mad at the pharmacy. After I said I would wait I said, “I said 3 PM!”.
The people inside the pharmacy didn’t seem to hear. I’m hoping he had the mike turned off because I said it as I was driving off. Regardless, it didn’t need to be said. I didn’t have to have a reaction but I did.


Oh well. My paper journal will feel loved tonight. Egg rolls for dinner.

I never thought I would be on the side of the damn Nader voters (I don’t know what to call them today) but that is what happened yesterday. And the democrats deserve it. But it’s just the House and didn’t this happen to Bush and Clinton during their last terms. Isn’t this normal??

I don’t dislike Obama and most of his policies. In fact as of today I have no problem with him being Prez in 2012 (so not happening but I’d vote for him). I just wish he hadn’t fucked up so much by trying to do so much at once. Yes you can do health care reform…but not if you wanna win again. He is just too intelligent. With intelligence comes arrogance (generalization). Oh well I still think in history he will be treated as the president who did the most and didn’t give a damn.

Unfortunately Mr. President by not giving a damn, you hurt the liberals feelings. LOL. (I can say this because I’m liberal/progressive). I’m still confused on the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” thing.

Btw, the prez is an INFP. I could not possibly hate him. 🙂 He is a thinker. He analyzes too much. He doesn’t talk just to talk which is bad in this crazy culture. He is a dreamer. There is a spot for him but maybe not in the bad economic/war time

Chris Matthews was outta control last night. I had MSNBC on all night (I have to sleep with the TV on). I thought it would be easy to sleep to “Another republican wins!” Blah, blah, blah, But Chris Matthews kept making me laugh out loud. Ugh, Chris I was trying to sleep.

I wonder why I’m tired…Oh, the point of this was supposed to be that the democrats voters/public deserve this for not voting for Howard Dean. I will say this until I die. You had your chance.

more internet free time

I should go internet free tomorrow but I don’t know if I want to ;). What about Saturday? I can do the last of my school work and read leisurely. I haven’t read leisurely in FIVE weeks. I have two books I want to cross of my must read in the summer of 09 list.

I am going to skip the last class. I am doing it for many reasons but mainly because I don’t HAVE to go. This could affect my grade. If I have a 89 average. Then it will stay that way. No bumping to an A. But I don’t care. I’m so tired after work that skipping won’t make me feel bad. Yes it also has to do with social things. I hate free time in class. In college (@ university), most of the people ignored me. I was beneath them. There wasn’t a reason for them to talk about me. Then I leave college town and ::sigh::

So I might be running away but I am also tired…tired of people in general. They don’t get the response they want then screw you. I can’t describe/complain about it anymore. I don’t get it. I’m tired of trying to think like them. Someone once said that was dangerous…I’m starting to agree.

So no more school for me. I wonder what my grade will be. I still have a chance to make an “A” even after today’s testing disaster but I’m not expecting one. OH FUCK! I’m not going to know what I made on my test. 😦 Pity. Whatever.

I’m so weary. So sick of people not getting it. Yes you are the motherfucking social goddess. I bow to you. lol.
Why is Obama on my tv? I thought Bill Maher told him to quit this crap? I could like totally turn like the channel. I’m actually listening to Obama’s book “Audacity of Hope” on audio mp3 at work. Anyhow, my problem with ANY health care talk is if I LOSE my job, I don’t have an emergency fund to buy health insurance. The cost doesn’t matter. I have to pay my mortgage etc. Sure if you have $20,000+ saved you can dip into that IF you choose to. I have $250 in my ER fund. Now what would MY options be if I lose my job? None? Fine. Just say it, you know?
Um, I will probably do my internet free day every Sunday. It seems to be the day with the less time. On Sundays I will:

-read leisurely
-watch 1 movie (rarely do that these days)
-write in my paper journal
-go on the porch with my cat
-go for a walk (I’ve only done that once recently), other exercise
-read my Buddhism “bible”/meditate/read about buddhism
-boring stuff (make sure house stays organized, cook, iron)

So there it is. Internet free Sundays. I also went TV free yesterday until 8PM. I didn’t know anything about the Perez Hilton thing (and still don’t know). When I turned on the TV, I heard that the SC governor was missing. Just not being “connected” for 4-5 hours, and all this stuff happened that I still don’t know the details of.

Sundays will be all internet free and no TV for the first 5-6 hours after I wake up. In the winter, this will be hard and I will probably change it.

One more thing: NO MORE CHECKING MY COUNTER ON THIS BLOG (or the music blog but I rarely check that anyways).

What is this New Year’s?

Gotta go.

the american way

damn obama wants everything done now or rather yesterday.
you know people in so called 3rd world countries are probably happier than we are. when people ask about how does the law of attraction, the universe, or karma work for them, they use it as an excuse to not believe. i don’t care who believes but don’t use that lame excuse. i believe in buddhism just as much other religions believe in their god.

“they” don’t have the obsession over material things like many americans. they find joy in the simple things like family, celebrations etc. poor doesn’t equal unhappiness. they have wisdom i can only dream about. they enjoy nature.

so assuming they are unhappy and therefore the laws of the universe doesn’t exist is just plain ignorant. the american way isn’t the only way.

and i don’t believe for a second that any death is due to karma. i don’t like using that word because people have different definitions. there are people in often bombed countries that go to college everyday even though they know the bus could be bombed. i see a different kind of optimism or faith in these countries.

to be continued
i’m over this online thing. any friends i make will be in 3D. screw twitter, myspace, all forums and facebook. 🙂