These credit card companies are getting on my nerves. I paid off Discover, but they still charged me 3.99 for a wallet protection fee. I guess I have to make a phone call and maybe close the account. Yeah, I have too many accounts. If I close any, it will be Discover. The plan was to use my Amazon rewards card and pay it off every month so I could still get the rewards. Not going to work. They hit me with a $6.00 finance charge even though it hasn’t been a month. What’s going on? I used to do this all the time. So no more credit cards. Cash only. Screw the “rewards”.
I’m going back to writing down every dollar I spend. (I also use Mint.com via the app). Reality is going to suck, but I’ll get used to it. As long as I have enough money, I’ll be happy. My electric bill can be $250 in the winter so that concerns me. It wouldn’t be so bad if it were $250 and warm but it is still freezing and I often don’t have water. ugh. I’m paying almost $900 in rent for this? Yes. If it weren’t for privacy concerns, I wouldn’t still be living here. I love it because it is isolated. In case anyone is wondering, NO I don’t make enough to pay that much in rent.
I re-started writing my novel. Not happening. It is more of an essay which is so not what I want. I will finish the essay/short story, but I am bummed that I can’t seem to write fiction. I’m not going to force myself to write a novel. What’s the point of that? However, I am going to write the longest short story I can through November. As of right now I’m still going to participate in NaNoWriMo during November somehow but writing 50,000 words? Nah.
I’ve been working late almost every night this week which means I haven’t been working on my practicum. I keep thinking I can get caught up….ugh, it rarely happens.
This week I…
Music of the week: Carrie Underwood, Demi Lovato, Jewel, Janet Jackson, Borns, Stacy Barthe, James Bay, Matt Nathanson
Adele just pissed everyone off by releasing a surprise single and an album this year. (Album out November 20). Now they won’t win Grammys or top the charts. Nice surprise for the fans, though. So much new music is coming out! This year started out slow. I can’t wait to do my top albums of the year list. I think I’m doing top 15 this year, but it depends on how many albums I like. I’m pretty sure I already know what my #1 album will be. But Ellie Goulding, Adele or someone else may surprise me.
song of the week: Stacy Barthe – Extraordinary Love
TV of the week: Lost (season 3), basketball, Republican debate
The debate was far from boring, but I found myself zoning out. I think I’ve heard enough from the Republicans. Maybe if they cut down the field, it would interest me more. The next Democrat debate is November 19. Looking forward. Please ask Bernie more about guns. That really annoys him. lol. Ew, I just found out Hillary is for the death penalty. How did I not know that? I shouldn’t be shocked.
Movie of the week: none. Spotlight (opening November 6) sounds terrific. It is about how the Boston Globe uncovered child molestation within the Catholic Archdiocese.
Two days after I downloaded Ta-Nehisi Coates’ new book from Audible, the library offers an ebook version of it! argh! And it was available. WTF is wrong with people? Read the damn book. Are people not paying attention??? To be fair, at last count 17 people were waiting for the 3D version of the book at my local library. So everyone isn’t sleeping. Anyway, I’m glad it was available. 🙂 Now I (temporarily) have two versions. Some people read the book and listen to the Audible version at the same time. I have never tried that, but I think I will with some of this book. Just to see how it goes…
Geeking out on books. Yes!
I have a perfect example of how “doing your best” is not always enough. But I don’t want to share because I don’t know who reads and I don’t want anyone to figure out who I’m talking about. It is sort of obvious. I’ll try:
Someone is sick. O is trying her best to take care of this person. The best is all she has. But guess what? It isn’t good enough. The person needs more help. More resources. Doing your best isn’t always good enough. I think passing this lie around is part of the problem. People really think if they do their best then they are doing the right thing. Uh, no. Please stop with the doing your best BS. I do my best at lots of things. Guess what? Not good enough. I’m reminded daily.
Sometimes people have options. When doing your best is not enough, please look into getting help or other resources.
I had to get that off my chest. I could’ve said a ton more. Too bad I can’t talk any sense to O. I’ve tried. Didn’t work. I’m done. I just want to scream: JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST, DOESN’T MAKE IT RIGHT. Too bad someone is not getting the best care because this person truly believes if she does her best then that is enough. She has a record of this type of thinking, btw. The lies we tell…
Speaking of lies…I’m so annoyed at females right now. They were told in the very early 1900s that they needed to shave their underarms for hygiene reasons. What a joke. In 2015, women are still shaving their armpits. Some of them actually believe it is for hygiene reasons!!! Well then: why don’t men have to shave? This all started due to strapless dresses and what MEN WANT. Simple as that.
Again: What a fucking joke. Okay, I’m being selfish because I don’t shave. I have no desire to and I want that to be okay. What women do for men. It’s a shame. I know almost every female would say they shave because they want to. Sure. And I know men and women reading this are going “gross” so I’ll stop. 😉
I go to the doctor tomorrow for a checkup. I haven’t had a checkup in 3 years. I hope she doesn’t ask the sex questions. Everyone isn’t into sex. yadda, yadda, yadda. Oh! I have the perfect quote for this. I just read it last night.
I lived for the love of music. Maybe that’s why when everyone was forming couples and falling in love, when romance was all around me, I missed out. I was distracted. My life was in the headphones. It might have been lonely in there, but I had no choice. By then, music was an obsession. It still is.
-Luther Vandross (1990)
It is hard to believe there is something out there better than music. Love that quote because it is nice knowing other people out there get it. Other people are crazy passionate about music too. Music = life.
I got two 10 lb bears….by mistake. Nutrisystem sends a bear for each 10lbs lost. The next bear is the 20lb pound bear, but I won’t be getting that because I’m not getting any more NS food after next week. 😦 It is due to financial reasons not because I don’t love NS. But I wouldn’t want to stay on it forever either. My mom says I shouldn’t lose anymore weight. I don’t care what she or anyone else thinks.
Don’t say you don’t want to sound harsh before saying what you have to say. It only makes what you’re saying sound harsh. Unless, your intent is to sound harsh. Either way it might lead to tears if you care about that kind of thing.
The vet assistants wanted me to put a muzzle on my dog* because they were scared! WTF! Now I realize that I was so scared because if he did act very aggressive, I would lose faith in my best friend. It wasn’t just about being bitten. Even though I do have an irrational fear of being attacked by animals. That is why volunteering at the animal shelter wasn’t a good fit for me. Some dogs were sweet, but some dogs scared me. It’s funny if I see a dog while I’m walking alone, I’m 100% fine but in other situations I get scared…including with my own pets.
*I know owners put muzzles on their dogs all the time. But 1.) Their dog isn’t my dog. 2.) They aren’t me. The end.
Anyhow, he did get his nails trimmed. Finally. I think they gave him treats to trim his nails. I didn’t think that would work. Since we walk on the (hard) road a lot, I hope that will keep his nails trimmed for at least 4 months. I do not want to go back there any sooner. The whole situation is very uncomfortable.
EDIT: After reading this section, it seems like I’m saying my dog ALWAYS needs to be muzzled. NO. It is only when he is having his nails trimmed. He is sooooo scared and will scream the whole time. He was shaking as soon as we got inside the building. 😦
This week I…
Music of the week: Tori Kelly, Ed Sheeran, Nina Simone, Bea Miller, Raquel Sofia, Indigo Girls, Crystal Lewis, Miguel
Song of the Week: Bea Miller – Fire N Gold
Sometimes I go through phases where I’m cynical about new music…especially music from young artists. I don’t want to hear anything new. I think I’m done with that phase now. I updated my music blog for the first time in about 2 years. I’m excited about new music again. I want to share unknown artists. I will share here too. I already know next week’s song of the week. It’s sublime. Better than Bea Miller. 😉 I just posted this because her album finally came out this week. This isn’t the best song on the album. I wouldn’t put it in the top 5. Surprised it got picked as a single.
Watched: Big Brother, The Affair, Dexter
Movies of the week: Iverson the Movie
I finally got to see it! It came out on my birthday but I don’t have Showtime and I was on vacay so I couldn’t see it. I loved it but it didn’t tell me much of anything new. I’m a big Iverson fan. I know almost everything. (including the bad stuff). I saw Iverson play in person for a charity event. One of my best memories. I heart him.
OMG. People are still defending Bill Cosby! I’m looking at Whoopi Goldberg – a person I like. For the record, I have never liked Cosby and I’ve always thought he was a jerk. Okay, maybe I did watch the Cosby Show growing up but ever since the late 90s, I’ve disliked him. So when all this came out, no surprise to me. I hope he has stopped raping women.
It’s funny how people judge success. What is it? 2.5 kids, home ownership, a significant other and exceptional grammar? That is not my definition of success. Obvs. Success to me is living the life you want. Whatever that may be. Considering my life and my abilities, I’m successful. I don’t know how to say this without sounding like I’m putting people with extreme social anxiety down. I’m not looking down on them OR thinking they could simply do better if they had motivation. I’m not one of those people…I never thought I would be able to get a job. Ever. I think my fear of that has motivated me in spite of my disabilities.
With my social anxiety and panic attacks, I should be homeless. So anything above that is a win. I’m not trying to be funny. All the doctors I’ve seen say I have the most severe case of social anxiety they’ve seen. I see everything I have as a blessing. I don’t compare myself to Susie because Susie doesn’t have SA so why would I compare my accomplishments to hers? That doesn’t make sense. Susie may look down on me. Whatevs. That has nothing to do with me. That’s all on him or her.
Don’t get me wrong. There have been times when I compared myself to the Susies of the world. But then I realize what they have and what I have. The comparisons need to stop. It’s pointless.
Well this is the only me that I know how to be
Sorry if that don’t fit your reality
I’m giving one hundred percent of me
So take it or leave
Whether you’re in or out
This is what I’m about
I got my Tori Kelly CD in the mail. I ordered it on Sunday and received it Monday. Awesome. 🙂 I want to share some of her music. So here goes:
This is an oldie…from 2013. 😉 Tori Kelly – Dear No one
This is her current single: Should’ve Been Us
One of my favorite live versions of Nobody Love
Tori @ The House of Blues in Anaheim:
I’ll stop now. I hope to see her on tour in the fall. ??? A girl can dream.
I have a stomach for other people not stomaching me. Or at least I’m working on it.
– Amy Poehler
Yeah, fuck ’em. 🙂
The Jen Kirkman’s comedy special was pretty good. I haven’t watched a comedian do stand up in forever (see last entry). Basically her take is like my take:
Society is stupid.
Weddings are stupid.
Child-free people: please stop saying how much you LOVE kids. It sounds soooooo fake…even if it is true.
She didn’t have kids because she didn’t want to ruin her life. Precisely.
Who cares if someone wants to marry their pet? AMEN. Um, not that I want to marry my dog.
The only thing I haven’t said is the stuff about sex. lol. She kind of goes on and on about sex and masterbating. Two things I know nothing about nor do I care about. But it didn’t ruin the show for me at all. That is how good she is. It wasn’t great but definitely worth watching. You’ll laugh.
I’m getting my stuff organized into piles. I have decided not to sell any clothes on eBay. I’m donating most of the clothes to two different places: the LGBT thrift store and The Junior League. And the remainder of the clothes I will take to a consignment shop. Consignment shops are so picky. They only want the name brand stuff in pristine condition. I don’t know how many things I will have for them.
I really hope I make some money off the items I’m taking to the shop. I’ve never done it before. Of course the place I think will take my clothes is called “snooty” on Yelp. haha. I don’t need that kind of attitude but my clothes are not in season (the fashion season) so they are the only ones who might take my clothes. I have a variety so I’m sure they will be interested in something. Oh god, I just saw on their website that the owner described her taste as “picky”. LOL. I do have high end stuff (Yves Saint Laurent etc.) so I’m not worried about that. I’m just worried about whether the stuff is cool enough for lack of a better phrase.
I brought a CD. An actual physical CD. I think it has been a year or two since I last brought a CD. Since I’m paying Spotify $120 a year (worth it), I don’t spend much on music anymore. I ordered Tori Kelly‘s CD from Amazon. Of course I already know I love it cause I heard the whole thing on Spotify. I like buying music from Amazon because when you order the physical CD, you get to download it right then for no additional cost. I just wanted to hold the CD booklet in my hands because I love her so much. She is an underdog. She got signed at 12 and it took her 10 years to be able to release a full album. I’m glad it went to #1.
I wrote down my menu for life after Nutrisystem. I have to tweak it more but I will post it here when I’m done. Breakfast was easy. I’m pretty much eating what I used to eat (just one egg instead of two and I’m adding a delicious carb. yes!). Dinner is also almost the exact same. I’m adding broccoli to it. The hardest was figuring out dessert. I still don’t have a perfect substitute for it. Lunch is probably going to be the most expensive. Pre-Nustrisystem, I didn’t eat lunch so I kind of resent having to buy food for it. But eating on my own will be cheaper than NS. So that’s a win.
I know I have said this before but I’m so glad I did NS. Best decision ever. I never knew I could eat 6 small meals a day. I was reading books trying to figure out how this healthy eating thing worked and I couldn’t get it. I just gave up. I thought I had to learn how to cook and that is not a solution for me. Trust me. I ‘cook’ baked chicken and I boil eggs. That’s about it. That is all I’ll be doing once NS is over. I should run out of all my NS food in mid-September…if I don’t decide to sell another box.
I might watch the women play soccer tonight if it doesn’t interfere too much with Big Brother. 😉 I’m not that excited because I feel like they are going to win anyway so why watch? I don’t really care. If they lose or if it is a good game, I’m going to wish I would’ve watched. I will probably watch. I can’t help it. I love sports.
I’m going to take a nap. I have a webiner to attend in two hours. I get 1 CEU for it so I can’t miss it. Adios.
woohoo! I brought my dress from Walmart. haha. It was $15 and I really like it. I would love it if it were purple. It is an ankle length dress. There wasn’t a large selection of dresses. They had a lot of cute skirts to choose from but I wanted a dress. I’m going to wear a black shawl with it. Here is a close up of the lace pattern: (I love lace!)
P.S. As far as I can tell, this dress is coral. My titles rarely make sense. I just hear a lyric and I think: next blog entry title!
I had no idea that this Friday was Good Friday. I didn’t know Easter was this Sunday either. That is how out of the loop I am on anything religious. OH, that is why they are having their meeting. I’m so lost. Anyway I’m wearing this dress to the Jehovah Witness/Good Friday event and I might wear it on my birthday. This dress is definitely going to be my go to dress for a while…as long as a Walmart dress will last.
I uploaded my 2nd YouTube planner video. I was more relaxed this time. I even kind of chuckled a couple of times. 😉 I could get used to this but I don’t want to post updates on my planners because not much changes on a month to month bases. I will definitely do these videos annually. I want to upload more concert videos but I haven’t been to a concert in about a year. And I don’t have any plans to go to one anytime soon. The people I really want to see aren’t on tour. (Ellie Goulding) OR they aren’t touring where I live. (Sam Smith).
Oh, one person I am dying to see again is D’angelo. I will travel for him. So if he goes on an United States tour, I will drop everything for him. When I saw him, he opened for Mary J. Blige. The crowd wasn’t into him at all. I was the only person in my section standing and clapping. (I could stand because no one cared that he was there). This time IF he tours the US, he will be the headliner. I would die to see him headline. It would be awesome.
Time for April goals. I accomplished 7 out of the 12 goals I had for March. I guarantee you that would not have happened if I hadn’t wrote it down. Write it down, make it happen! Sounds cheesy but it works for me. Some of my goals for April are vague but here goes:
Make a plan for passing my certification exam. I know that is vague but that’s because I have no clue what I’m doing. I already passed the board exam but now I have to pass one more (and hopefully final) test to keep my certification. I have to pass with an 80. And this subject is not my strength so I’m worried. I’m planning to take the test in July during my week off from work. I get two tries for $60. I would love to pass the first time. I’m so nervous.
Decide what I want for my birthday. I know this is easy to pass judgement on but people are asking and I have NO IDEA what I want. I’m trying to keep the price low…I would think asking for a gift card would be fine but some people want to give an actual thing. (edited to add: I finally think I know what I may ask for…still thinking though).
Complete at least 72 practicum cases. I met this goal last month (barely) so I’m going to try again.
Write a what to pack list for my cabin trip. I’m also cooking food in advance to take with me. The cabin has a full kitchen but I just want to warm my food up while I’m there.
Finish reading 3 books.
Watch 2 movies.
Clean the guinea pig cage and room.
Decide what to do about knitting. lol. I have all this yarn and supplies. I still like to knit but what am I going to knit next?
Do #ListersGottaList. Not only do it but participate on Instagram as well. I’m not an instagram person but I’m trying. Everyday in April there is a prompt for a list. My goal is to post at least 15 of these on instagram. I may post a few in this blog but that doesn’t count towards the goal. I’m trying to put myself out there a little. It’s intimidating because everyone else is decorating and has fancy supplies and I’m doing mine in my filofax. I have limited space and limited supplies. If anyone wants to participate go to Listersgottalist.com. It’s free.
Visit the location where I want to sell. I think it is about 30 minutes from where I live. I will inquire about the business license at that time also.
Keep meditating. I’m using an app called Buddhist Meditation Trainer. Love it so far. I will try to do it 3 times a week. I know everyday is ideal.
10. Mary J. Blige – Think Like a Man Too (soundtrack)
11. Lea Michele – Louder
12. Lucy Hale – Road Between
13. A Great Big World – Is Anybody Out There?
14. Taylor Swift – 1989
15. Ani DiFranco – Allergic to Water
16. Ariana Grande – My Everything
17. Magic! – Don’t Kill The Magic
18. Amy Ray – Goodnight Tender
19. Train – Bulletproof Picasso
20. Jennifer Nettles – That Girl
I hope I got all of the album titles right. Honorable mentions include: Sia, Melissa Etheridge, Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. 2014 was a great year for music. It started out a little slow. I hope 2015 is even better. People keep saying albums are going to die…I hope not!!! What would I do with my life then? 😉
Um, I know it is important (?) but if I hear one more word about the “Sony Hack” and “The Interview”…. ::News off::
Everyone else in the lobby was happy to get their new dog or cat back from being spayed or neutered. I was stressed. haha. That is so typical of me. Seriously I feel like he is bored here and I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t love his toys*. He is not a chewer (thank Buddha??). I take him outside a lot. I don’t have a fenced in yard so I have to walk him on a leash. But I can’t constantly take him out when I’m working. Sigh. Puppy problems. I no longer leave him in his crate during the day, only at night.
*A couple hours after I typed this, he played with his toy for over 30 minutes. So maybe there is hope! yay.
I want a happy dog. Who wouldn’t? He looks at me with those big brown (sad?) eyes and I melt. I thought I was the animal whisperer. I could read their minds. Call me crazy but this is/was true. I’m more animal than human. (Forget that humans are animals for a sec). I hate to admit this but I’m more of a cat person but I can’t have cats for health reasons. 😦
Eventually obedience school will be happening. That’s something to do. He’ll have a blast. That lasts 6 weeks. I’d rather take a local knitting class (lol) and make my first pair of socks but I can’t do both. I am thinking about taking the knitting class in March. We can bring our own pattern and she will help us make it. Enough about knitting. I would love to take B to a dog park soon.
I have plans but nothing is happening right now. Trying to work and watch after this dog is like watching a toddler when he isn’t sleeping. I don’t have kids for a reason. My dog was 17. I forgot what the puppy years were like plus I had my mom’s help.
End of adventures in puppy-land.
I’m only on episode 4 of Serial. No spoilers please. 😉 I like to listen to it on the weekends when I can give it my full attention. Everyone is spoiling it now because in their world, it is over.
Other random stuff: I’m cancelling one of my book subscriptions. Finally. I was going to cancel so I could get my dog health insurance but Consumer Reports claims that pet insurance usually isn’t worth the price. (Are they referring to middle class people AKA people with money or ALL people? Should I consider it since I’m barely making it? They didn’t mention that so I’m still a little conflicted). I’ve had that book subscription for over a decade. Sad to see it go but I could use the money. I’m going to miss it when I have to go to the library more. I hate returning books to the library. I love checking out though.
I also canceled my Netflix DVD plan. I’m not as sad to see that go.
Music for the week: D’Angelo, Kacey Musgraves, Mary J. Blige, Magic!, Ani DiFranco, Carrie Underwood, Sam Smith, Sharon Van Etten
Being a fan of D’Angelo is frustrating. Like most hardcore fans, I had heard 80% of the album years ago (mostly from concerts – including one I attended). I had NO CLUE that he hadn’t recorded all the songs in a studio. WTF? He rushed recording the album due to what happened in Ferguson! That would be fine if I thought the songs sounded finished. I wondered why they were so short. Since when does D do a 5 minute song?? Don’t get me wrong, I love the album. I’m just disappointed to hear that he rushed the studio recordings. What could have been….
TV for the week: Pretty Little Liars, Colbert Report, basketball
Movie of the week: none. Will I ever watch a movie again? Stay tuned. 🙂 I usually go to the movies on Xmas day but I gotta work and then go to my mom’s house plus NBA basketball is on ALL day. I miss my movie tradition. I will go back to going to the movies on Dec 25….just not this year.
Knitting projects of the week: I started a cowl on Monday. I was hoping to have it finished by today. ROFL. I’m a slow knitter. This is great practice but I’m not sure it will be useful. I couldn’t find a pattern with my yarn so I just made something up. I cast on about 105 stitches with a 16 inch circular needle and just started knitting. I think this is going to be too small. Bummer! I love the colors and really want to wear it. Here it is so far:
And here is my scarf.
I’m starting to like the colors. That yarn would have been perfect for a cowl but I don’t think I have enough for a cowl. I hope I have enough for the scarf!
Guess who just got back from her first spin class AKA bicycle class? LOL. I just did it because there was a Groupon offering 5 classes at another gym and I wanted to try it. I definitely won’t be buying that Groupon now. I didn’t hate it but I don’t think it is for me. I can see why people like spin. It’s a great workout. I just don’t know whether someone with leg pain should be on a bike. My leg only slightly hurt when I was standing on the bike. So…
I’m just going to the free gym once a week like I planned. I really wished I loved spin. Damn. Oh, but the really cool thing is they are doing a meditation class at the not free gym once a week. I hope they expand that. I guess it is just a trial run. I have been wanting to try a meditation class for years.
Taylor Swift pulls her music off Spotify. So what? I don’t know what planet people are living on that think it will hurt her. But it could potentially hurt Spotify if other artists pull their music. All I know is that I pay for Spotify. Spotify pays the record labels. Who is shock to hear the music acts rarely see that money? The record labels are pocketing all the pennies. However, artists like Tristan Prettyman and Ani DiFranco do get paid by Spotify because they own their music. Tristan was on twitter asking people to listen to her music on Spotify because she is getting paid for each listen.
I have to cut some things from my budget. As of right now, Spotify will be the last thing I cut. It will take a lot of music acts to take their music off Spotify before I stop paying. I have two book subscriptions. I know that is ridiculous when there are places called libraries. I’m trying to decide which one to cut. Or I may cut both. I love music and books. If I had to choose between them….ugh, I hate to admit that I would choose music right now.
I don’t know how the following will come across (as if that ever stopped me before!). I follow Taylor Swift on Twitter. I follow her because she rarely tweets…that was until these past two weeks. Not the point. She is bragging about how much her album sold. (hardcore bragging) I HATE BRAGGING. That is so off putting. If someone asks what traits do I hate the most, I would probably say busy bodies and bragging.
I could do a whole entry on bragging but I probably won’t.
Music for the week: Taylor Swift, Jessie J, Ani DiFranco, Ellie Goulding, Mary Lambert, Marina & the Diamonds, Meghan Trainor, Heather Nova
TV for the week: Big Brother Australia, Grey’s Anatomy
Movie of the week: none
Books of the week: I stopped reading my other books to read a library book: Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult
When someone leaves you once, you expect it to happen again. Eventually you stop getting close enough to people to let them become important to you, because then you don’t notice when they drop out of your world.
Yep. Happened to me at age 11.
Knitting projects of the week: I don’t know why I bother posting pics of my shawl. You can’t really see how big it is while it is on the needles. I worked on it almost everyday this week. I started my fingerless mitts on Friday night. I don’t know what I’m doing but at least I’m practicing. I hope to have something to show next week. I keep getting stuck. Frustrating.