Make Love to Myself

I didn’t blog last week. 😦 This blog is helping me with my astrology class. I can’t remember anything that happens in my life…except vacations. I do journal on paper, but I’m not consistent. I found a post from this blog that represents how Saturn affected my life. Now I have to write a 300 – 500 word paper on it. Without this blog, I would be lost entirely.

I just had therapy. The insurance thing is still not completely straighten out, btw. It’s a bit of a pain. But 3 weeks after my appointment, I do get my money back. I just have to email or call both companies after every visit, which is annoying. But at least I have health insurance. For now. Yes, I still have my job. I will check back around June 15th (or maybe before) for an update.

Anyway, NOW she suggests I get off the Abilify. Duh. Everything changed once I was on it for 2-3 years. I went from frugal to an impulsive spender. I was smart with money before I was on Abilify and then I got depressed. Nothing else worked besides Abilify. I did make an online appointment with a psychiatrist, but it isn’t until July 7. I see my “normal” psychiatrist at the end of June. It’s probably a waste to see him, but just in case the online doctor doesn’t work, or I lose my job, I want my prescriptions.

1 in 3 people on Abilify change in some way. In the articles I read, they mostly talk about people losing all they have to gambling. They are suing the drug maker of Abilify:

Patients who took the antipsychotic Abilify are filing a lawsuit after they developed compulsive behaviors that led them into gambling or other addictions. According to the ongoing mass tort litigation, the manufacturer Bristol-Myers Squibb and Otsuka Pharmaceutical failed to warn patients that the antipsychotic medication may increase the risk of compulsive gambling and type-2 diabetes in children. The pharmaceutical companies are facing legal claims by dozens of individuals who allege that the drug caused them to lose thousands of dollars or harmed their children.

If you or one of your beloved ones lost a considerable sum of money due to pathological gambling or showed any other sign of compulsive behaviors after taking Abilify, you should seek monetary compensation in court.

https://www.drugwatcher.org/abilify-lawsuit/

I might get in on some lawsuit as long as I don’t have to pay a dime. It is an antipsychotic but only at high levels. I take .5 MG 5 days a week, so I won’t go through withdrawal. Anyway, it’s probably a bit of work to prove it. I dunno. They only have to look at my credit report from before Abilify until now. So it might not be too bad. Thinking about it. I’m not expecting any money. I just want to get off the drug.

Update: Bristol-Myers Squibb has paid $535 million to people so far. Might be too late for a group settlement. And I’m not hiring a lawyer. LOL.

What else is going on? I signed up for a year-long astrology class (Thanks, Abilify). I got on the sliding scale. YAY! So glad some people offer sliding scales. School starts on this Sunday at noon online, but it’s in Maryland so I might get my ass up there once or twice over the year. I DESPERATELY wanted to do the 2-year apprenticeship, but it is $6,000 with no sliding scale. So I’m taking his class instead, and I’ll see how we get along. If we don’t click, I’m 100% sure it will be my fault. However, if we do click, I plan on saving up for either his level 2 year long class OR the more expensive apprenticeship. I would kill to have an astrology apprenticeship. That would be so helpful and speed up my process.

I am definitely creating the online beginner’s astrology course. I’m not worried about the other astrology classes out there, but since I opened my big mouth on Instagram, I am worried that others may recreate the exact same course I’m trying to do, and that would break my heart. Dozens have copied from me during this past year, and I don’t care as much because it’s FREE content. Copy me. I’m flattered. I know I came up with the idea first because you weren’t doing it until you started following me. Whatever. It’s free content.

I signed up for a course launch program (Thanks, Abilify). I have worked with this coach before. She’s awesome. So I know I’ll launch something because she’ll make me. 🙂 I don’t know how I’m going to juggle everything, but it can be done. I hope school isn’t too time intensive. It’s supposed to be every Sunday, but we already get Father’s Day off. That’s good. It’ll allow me to catch up on reading the two big textbooks.

I’m launching my class in September because that is when my coach thinks it’s best. It’s not a 1:1 coaching thing. That would be too expensive. It will be a small group of us. I hope there isn’t another astrology course creator. I would DIE! I’m going to try to pick a date that is best astrologically for me. I haven’t looked at what’s going on with the planets in September yet, so I don’t know what date I’ll pick.

Election 2020 – As of right now, Marianne Williamson is in the June debate. But since there over 20 people running, the polls could change. If one person -can’t remember his name- moves up to 1% in the poll within the next week, Marianne will probably get bumped. Sigh. So it’s too early to celebrate. Hopefully, by next Friday, we will know. But for now, all the media outlets are reporting that’s she’s in. Of course, they also mention that guy who might bump someone. I’m too lazy to look up his name right now. I think he is a DC politician, or a governor, or a mayor. Haha. In other words, he is a politician.

Update on Buttigieg. Things aren’t looking good when it comes to the black police chief or sergeant. Long story, but The Young Turks have done a lot of research on this story. A few other outlets are picking up the story. I’m not getting into all the details. But since white officers were supposedly using racial slurs against the black police chief, it looks bad that Buttigieg made the black guy resign. The good thing is that Buttigieg hasn’t heard the tapes of the slurs. That would be a felony in Indiana, so he has to say that. I’m sure he knows some of what’s on the tape.

At the end of the day, it really doesn’t affect my opinion of Buttigieg. It could hurt him. It depends on when the tapes are released. Right now, he’s not doing well with blacks. He’s doing okay with whites, but I think Elizabeth Warren is currently doing better than him. Oh, and Kamala is surprisingly still hanging in there. I don’t get it. She’s smart. I thought she was tough, BUT I watched her townhall on MSNBC, and she sucked on some questions. It was bad. She stumbled on the Medicare question. She couldn’t say whether people could keep the doctor they have now. She needs to be more prepared. How is she going to debate Trump? (Not that Trump is good at debates). How is she going to do against the other Democrats in June? I guess my standards were too high for her.

This week I…

Music of the week: Jess Glynne, Mariah Carey, Maggie Rogers, Sara Bareilles, Britney Spears, Ellie Goulding, Carly Rae Jepsen, India.Arie,

TV of the week:  Dead Like Me, When They See Us, NBA playoffs

Podcasts of the week:  True Crime Garage, Online Marketing Made Easy, So You Wanna Be a Witch, All in With Chris Hayes, Pod Save America, Tarot for the Wild Soul, The Astrology Podcast, Why is This Happening? Your Own Magic

(This is a combo of last week’s list and this week listens).

Books of the week: Now reading –

And a bunch of astrology books.

Weekend Plans: Working overtime on Saturday. I’m excited about the astrology course starting on Sunday. I’m glad we have a big group. It looks like it may be 40 people!! My last live class had only 14 people, which was a large class for them, but way too small for me. We don’t have to speak, but he would like to see our faces (not a requirement), so I will have my webcam on 90% of the time. If I’m eating or have to take my dog outside, I’ll turn off the camera. Since I don’t plan on participating (but who knows?), the least I can do is show up on camera since he likes when students do that.

I’m also doing business stuff. I have to send out my newsletter to my email list this weekend. It’s more work than usual because I promised more stuff. (WHY?) Sigh. I’m definitely going to spend a few hours on the course I’m creating. I still have research to do, but I have been practicing recording videos. But nothing is done. Not even an intro.

What else? Oh, I want to find time to knit. I might cook again on Sunday. I canceled Hello Fresh due to cost. I also have to cancel Nutrisystem. Back to Hello Fresh – I cooked Flatbread Pizza tonight. Considering the ingredients (baked tomatoes, walnuts, arugula), it came out pretty good. I would give it an A-. I only cooked that one because it was the only one that didn’t need something thawed out and it was so quick and easy. None of the other meals are that easy. I now have the chicken, cauliflower mac and cheese, and meatloaf to cook. I think that’s it. I cooked the tilapia, hamburgers, and pizza. I will probably try the meatloaf because I’ve wanted to make my own meatloaf for years and I’ve never tried.

I didn’t blog that much about transcendental meditation. Now I’m doing it when I first wake up for 20 minutes, and 20 minutes before I eat dinner. Yesterday afternoon I meditated with my TM teacher on the phone. I can’t make the next (and last ‘required’) group meeting, due to the astrology class, so she decided to meet with me on the phone. We have two more telephone meditation meetings scheduled, and she might add more. I was so scared my dog was going to bark. He moved and heavily sighed once (LOL), but he didn’t bark.

The meditation is going fine so far. I will blog more about that later. I feel like I have more energy (hence why I’m blogging at 11:30 PM on a Friday night and not tired at all). And my sleep is better. Now if it could only cure my anxiety/PTSD. That would be awesome.

Another long entry. Shocking. Thanks so much for reading. Have a great weekend. 🙂

Does it ever?

So much has happened since I last posted. I don’t know where to begin. I’ll start with work. Sigh. I had a meeting with my manager on Tuesday. I’ve been there for almost 14 years. I’ve never had a problem until we got on the new system about a year ago. Anyway, the ‘big boss’ (never met her) is okay with me being fired!!! WTF? Yeah, Tuesday sucked. My manager says she’s been sticking up for me. I appreciate that…I could already have lost my job. I need to be at 100. I’m currently at 81. They keep raising what 100 should be, so I think I’m doing okay, but in reality, I’m not.

I’ve been applying for jobs. I joined Teachable and entered the 90-day course creator challenge. I am going to finish my course by August 31. Will it be for sale by then? Probably not. Because I need at least 5 people to take the course for free for feedback and testimonials. I want it for sale by September/October. I have set the price at $147. I want to go lower, but that’s the lowest price for an astrology course I’ve ever seen. Most courses at what I’m giving would cost at least $397. The point is that I’m counting on this course for income. I’ve been going live on Instagram, Facebook, etc. I need a better, more consistent plan, but that’s another story.

One job I applied for already rejected me. I don’t need a rejection letter for just sending in a resume, but thanks for the vote of confidence. 😉 I only expect to hear back if I have an interview. If my manager writes me up on June1 (which is better than being fired), I probably won’t be able to do overtime, so I will have more time for interviews and working on my course.

So that’s work. Now onto transcendental meditation. We have a total of 5 meetings. I had my first meeting last weekend. FUCK. It was a disaster. Small room and we were facing each other. I was staring at the table for 90 minutes. How freaking embarrassing! Ugh. Why were we facing each other?? I hate that.

I have 4 more meetings, and then I’m done for life unless I want to get a tune-up. Most people see results within 2 days, so I’m really hopeful and excited for the real meetings which start on June 1. It’s four days in a row. The good thing is that the first meeting is one on one. The other 3 sessions are in that damn room with that damn table. Don’t get me started on parking. LOL. I got lost and ended up walking to Whole Foods (and buying stuff) because I was walking the wrong way.

The meditation is for 40 minutes a day. Twenty minutes in the morning and twenty in the afternoon (not right before bed – the afternoon/evening). And you have to do it everyday…for life or it will stop working.

Food and diet – I ate like crap during my birthday week. I was too scared to try on my high rise skinny jeans. However, I noticed that my old jeans were falling down. I’m thinking, “I know I gain weight. Why are my pants falling down?” Well, I finally got brave and weighed myself. I gain .4 pounds! ROFL. I was 136 something before my birthday. And now I’m 136.8 pounds. Woohoo! No major weight gain. I consider myself really lucky.

I’m still on Nutrisystem even though I was going to cancel. I should cancel due to cost. I did lower the price by only being on Nutrisystem Monday through Friday. I’m currently doing Hello Fresh (affl. link – get a deal by clicking on the link). I have cooked two meals so far. I cooked rice for the first time!! LOL. I don’t even like white rice. I was going to give it to my mom, but I tried it with soy sauce, and it was so good. Why didn’t anyone tell me about soy sauce on rice? I know everyone knows about this but me. Anyway, the tilapia was so good even though I couldn’t wait for it to defrost thoroughly, so it broke up. Rice and tilapia will be a new go-to meal for me. But only with soy sauce. 🙂

Election 2020. Hmmm, not much to say. Marianne Williamson made it to 1% in 3 polls, so she technically is in the June debate, but unless 3-4 people drop out, she may still not make the debate. FWIW, I think Yang is going to make it. He is doing better than Marianne in the polls. Kamala is doing well, and so is Elizabeth Warren. Go, ladies! (Even though I won’t vote for Kamala in the primary). And I hope saying, “go ladies” is not sexist. Oh, one more thing: I don’t see anything wrong with doing the Fox townhalls. I haven’t watched them, but whatever. Either way is fine. Someone in the media called Kamala and Elizabeth ‘silly’ for not doing Fox. I don’t agree. Oh, and Buttigieg is too conservative for me. Is anyone in the midwest really liberal? I don’t hate him, but he isn’t in my top 3. Do I have a top 3? Hmmm, I guess it’s Williamson, Warren and maybe Stacey Abrams if she ran. I guess I have a top 2.

This week I…

Music of the week: Carly Rae Jepsen, Rachael Sage, Rachel Platten, Jussie Smollett, Pia Toscano, Rachel Kerr, Shawn Mendes, Britney Spears

TV of the week:  Survivor, RHOBH

Podcasts of the week:  True Crime Garage, Online Marketing Made Easy, So You Wanna Be a Witch

Books of the week: Now reading – 

I finished reading When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy by Geneen Roth which is a quick read and surprisingly good. I never thought of myself as a person with intimacy issues. 😉

Weekend Plans: Long weekend my ass. HAHA. I’m gratefully working on Saturday and Monday. I’m only working half a day though both days. I’m working on my astrology course, which is confusing because I’m taking THREE astrology courses, and I’m creating one. I’m doing all the things astrology this weekend. Doing lots of business stuff because I want my class to sell. I’m not expecting huge numbers. I would DIE with 20 sales. I would love 5. So those are my dream numbers.

Not much is going on. I need to do some spring cleaning. Just trying to live life…and figure out what to post on Instagram. This selling shit is so not me and can get confusing, but whatevs. Oh, I’m also getting back into knitting. Expect some pics of scarves and then hopefully hats soon. I used to knit about 4 years ago, and now I remember next to nothing. I’ve been watching Craftsy classes. I have to start all over. Apparently, knitting is not like driving a car. I can’t say riding a bike because I never learned how to ride a bike and I still don’t know how.

I will spend time honoring our fallen soldiers. They made the ultimate sacrifice.

Have a great weekend! Thanks for reading. 🙂

Virgin for life

I just signed up for a Sarah Jenks program. She knows a lot about the history of Christianity. That’s not what she is all about. I just have to give her backstory because I can’t find a source for what she said. Sarah said the word virgin meant a woman unto herself. An independent woman. I can relate. 😉 Of course, in recent times, people paint virginity as bad because they are insecure about their own sexuality.

Why can’t I be a virgin and someone else be comfortable with their sexuality? I think we can do both. With women claiming their sexuality or whatever they call it, being a virgin is definitely wrong and weird. I can show the words of so-called enlightened people telling people they need to get laid.  Yeah, these people claimed to be enlightened. In the words of Donald Trump, “sad”!

Anyway, it is so delightful to have someone say something nice about virginity! Even if it was thousands of years ago.  I guess some people don’t think an independent woman or a woman unto herself is good, but I take it as a compliment.

I don’t advertise my virginity in this blog because it isn’t important to me. I rarely think about it unless I’m trying to get out of a pap smear. Lol. But yes it’s true: I’m a virgin, and I never plan on having sex. I’m pretty sure I’m not missing anything. Sex seems like a hassle to me, but I think that about a lot of things people do.

I don’t think I’m staying in Sarah Jenks’ program. I’ve been an admirer of Sarah for years, but this content seems to be geared towards moms. Sarah is a mom of two with one on the way! So it makes sense. It just isn’t my life. I can’t relate to losing oneself by becoming a mom and all that.  I’ll probably cancel next month. I just wanted the $200 worth of free bonuses. Sad, but true. And I love the bonuses! Totally worth it.

I don’t think I would ever fly with my dog. I guess if I were moving to California or somewhere on the west coast, I would have to drive. I don’t know what I would do if I were moving overseas. I felt this way prior to the recent dog’s death on United. How tragic.  I would be outraged if it weren’t too sad to think about. And then there’s the dog United recently sent to Japan by mistake. I would be out of my mind if my dog were in Japan. I would be at the airport, waiting for my dog. I don’t care if they said it will take 3 days. I would be sleeping at the damn airport until my dog came back.

Don’t mess with my pup!

With all that being said, I would still fly United…just not with a pet. I flew United to LA and I didn’t have any major problems. Compared to Vegas, the LA trip was a breeze.

OMG. My lawnmower started immediately! I don’t know what happened last year. It took almost an hour for it to start after last winter. YAY! I will probably have to mow the lawn in about 2 to 3 weeks. Slight bummer, but it is great exercise.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Camila Cabello, Shakira, Kacey Musgraves, Delta Goodrem, Ellie Goulding, Justin Timberlake, Kesha, Taylor Swift

TV of the week: My 600lb life, basketball, RHONYC

So much fun watching March Madness! It is the most wonderful time of the year. Go UVA!! I usually take Thursday and Friday off from work, but I couldn’t this year due to training and other people requested time off before I had the chance. I think this is the first year in about 7 years, I don’t have time off for March Madness. :/

P.S. I do have my birthday off, BUT I will probably have a training related meeting that day. The meetings usually last 2-3 hours so I will have to attend that if there is one. But no work for me otherwise. yay!

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, The Lowe Post, All in With Chris Hayes

Books of the week: I finished reading Bliss More: How to Succeed in Meditation Without Really Trying by Light Watkins. 4 stars for me, but I would say 5 stars to get new meditators to read it. 😉 I’ve been meditating for more than a year now (off and on – mostly on). A lot of the info in the book wasn’t that useful to me because I already knew it or I already do it. But I would definitely recommend it to people who want to start a meditation practice or to people who quit meditation because they grew frustrated.

This book did get me meditating for 10 minutes every morning. I used to only meditate for 5 minutes every morning. I also started meditating first thing in the morning which seems obvious. I used to pray first and then meditate. Now I need to meditate for 10 minutes every afternoon/evening. That would give me 20 minutes a day of meditation, and that is all I feel I need.

Now reading –

I may start The Woman in the Window by AJ Finn this weekend. I’ve been dying to start this book for the past 2 months but holds from the library keep coming in. The books I own always get read last.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get To Work Book

fullsizeoutput_b

Plans for the Weekend: On Saturday, I’m working a few hours and then I’m going grocery shopping. On Sunday, I’m staying in and taking another test. I made a 92 on my last test. That was a shock. I didn’t even read the whole chapter. Next Sunday I will probably go to my last cycling class. My Groupon will be done after that.

Thanks for reading! Have a splendid weekend. 🙂

I don’t belong in these parts

I’m thinking about taking a 2-hour meditation class. It is next Saturday at 3PM. It costs $38. I need to get serious about meditation. I used to do a 12-minute meditation every morning, and then I changed my work schedule. To meditate, pray and do A Course in Miracles every morning I would have to get up at least 10 minutes earlier.  I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but I already get up at 4:50 AM.

I need to stop reading The Washington Post when I first get up, looking at the news, checking twitter for news, etc. Most of the time nothing is going on, so it takes about 5 minutes to check everything. However, some days there are big news stories overnight, and that leads me to read over what’s going on, and I go down the rabbit trail.

I’m getting frustrated easily especially when it comes to my part-time job. I just think (know?) meditation would help. I guess if I really believed in meditation, I would do it. I would dedicate myself to a practice. I could be working right now, but I’m so frustrated. &*$%.

I think the meditation class is just what I need. It will take place at a yoga studio. I have only been there once. I just don’t want to spend money on it which is silly. I’m sure it is worth the money. It could change everything. I’m sure I will be serious about my meditation practice from there on out. Hmmm. Still thinking about it.

For the first time, I’m really nervous about the Virginia governor race. I have to remove myself from the results. I just can’t get too emotionally involved. I thought Northam would win for sure about 2 weeks ago. Now I think Gillespie will win. 😦 Major bummer. Everyone is watching this race. This is the most important election on election day and blah, blah, blah. Virginia, you are blue or maybe purple. You are not red. Don’t go back due to scary racist commercials.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8): Pink, Demi Lovato, Joan Osborne, Aretha Franklin, Lea Michele, Coldplay, Ke$ha, Kelly Clarkson

TV of the week: Grey’s Anatomy, basketball

The NBA is back!! College basketball will be back soon. Yay!

Movie of the week: Nocturnal Animals. I’m not sure how I feel about this movie. It is supposed to be a thriller. I don’t think I enjoyed it as much as everyone else did. I’m not a big Jake Gyllenhaal fan. I like Amy Adams, but not in this. Blah. It was average, I guess.

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, The Lively Show

I need to listen to more podcasts during the day. I listen at night and then fall asleep during the episode, and I have to listen all over again.

Books of the week: It should say ‘book’ of the week. I’m really focused on finishing The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. I’m not sure what I’m going to read next. I have a few books on hold from the library.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

DSCN0554

Plans for the Weekend: Grocery shopping, working, and school work. Do I sound like a broken record or what? This is what I do on most weekends. Gabby Bernstein is doing a webinar at 10AM on spirituality and food. I am arranging my whole Sunday around that. I asked two questions. I hope at least one question gets answered. I’m sure they will get answered somehow because my questions were pretty generic. I would just love for Gabby to say my name. haha.

It’s going to be nice this weekend. That should be a good thing, but that means more dogs at the park. Last weekend, the same unleashed dog came up to me and my dog 3 times!! It is illegal to have an unleashed dog at this park, btw. Anyway…I’m kind of looking forward to it getting cool so fewer people will be there. Only the park would make me say that.

So I can miss Mr. Stalker*, and due to seeing fewer people at the park, I now go to the park during my lunch break. I don’t like it because I can’t linger when the park is almost empty or on a nice day. I have to get back to work, so it feels almost like a chore. It’s not as fun. But I do feel blessed to live so close to the park. I would never drive to the park every day…not even for my dog. lol.

*The stalker hasn’t been stalking me recently. But I think I have seen him coincidently.

Thanks for reading. Have a marvelous weekend. 😉

you blues

Hit the bottom and bounce back up.
The lowest low is only a beginning.
These are the words many people said to me.
But in a crowd you lose humanity.
Scared of the future that comes from the past.
When I think back I see that this could never last.

-you blues by Juliana Hatfield

I wanted to bitch and complain…and I just might. I wanted to talk about how my cat doesn’t get along with other cats and how I don’t judge her for it. Then I woke up, cleared my brain and I realized that my cat wasn’t a human being but still!

How about I just do the ending? Here goes:

When I have a bad experience around a group of people, I don’t want to be around them. Them = groups of people. This is why I’m never going to get a business off the ground because I’m always thinking, “I’m soooooo done with people.” Why would I want to go to a church filled with people after being around them for 40+ hours?? At this point I am still going to church in two weeks but I’m not looking forward to it. Cuz I’m done!

My life is a record on repeat. I’m sick of other people saying I don’t make them comfortable. ROFL. Welcome to my life. Sorry, you have to catch me on a good day for me to feel bad for you. Haha.

I have to go into my little story: I tried breathing and it backfired. Why can everyone else breathe but me? *whine* I just want to breathe! Why is everything I do misinterpreted? EVERYTHING! No, I will not try to make you feel comfortable by being, uh normal?? WTF is wrong with “them”? Do they seriously think I’m going out of my way to be ME? (tense, neurotic etc.)

::frustration::

Just let me breathe. Please. I’m done! DONE!

——————–

Tiger Woods & Buddhism: It was always said that Tiger had such good concentration because his father would throw chairs while he was playing golf. Now I’m wondering if he is/was just a really good at meditation. I’m selfishly glad that he mentioned that he moved away from Buddhism during the last few (uh-huh) years. Tiger is so private and a control freak (takes one to know one) that he will probably never mention this tidbit again. I’m just really curious…and jealous.

I rarely hear any Westerns say “I’m Buddhist.” I assume it is common in the East. Most Westerns say, “I’m studying Buddhism”, right? If I can achieve Buddhism, I can do anything!

Gotta go. My cat is getting impatient and I have to go to the library. Then pancakes! woohoo. 😉

way of life

To study the buddha way is to study the self.
To study the self is to forget the self.
To forget the self is to be actualized by myriad things.

-Dogen Zenji

Sometimes I wish I could believe in the Christianity thing. There is one Buddhist ‘place’ around here…but only ONE. It seems excellent. In the back of my mind I can’t help but think, “what if this fails?” I won’t have another option. This is the place for the study of Buddhism. I don’t believe one must go to a church/temple to practice a religion. However, I really want to get the meditation thing down. I do meditate…or I’ve tried and I don’t get the same results as people who are dedicated to it. So I think going to the Buddhist group may help.

BUT BUT BUT BUT

I don’t feel comfortable around strangers, or in small groups….etc

I can talk myself into well, try at least one time. I can do that but the perfectionist in me wants to go twice a month and I will feel like I’ve failed if I can’t go back. To be honest, if I felt the need to go to a Christian church, if it didn’t work out once, I probably wouldn’t try another church. And if I were a Christian, I probably wouldn’t feel the need to go to a church. I can read the bible and watch Joyce Meyer at home…the thing with Buddhism is meditation. Hmmm

Anyhow, they have few groups. I’m trying to figure which one is best. I’m definitely not going to one that involves discussion on the first time I go. 🙂 That would be too much. I would runaway. Too much. Too much.

I’ve studied Buddhism for years. It is the only ‘religion’* that rings true for me. There isn’t a god. It is all about what you think & do. I practiced all day at work on Friday and it went well. But when I left work, I was my normal easily irritated self. We got some semi-bad news @ work, I was able to let go. But as soon as I was driving in my car, it hit me. What I really wanted to happen is not happening. I dunno…I just feel let down.

*I don’t consider Buddhism a  religion at all. It is a way of life. The only way for me.

I have to get going. Laundry, dishes etc.

Here is my one hotel picture from NYE. It is simple but I would love to have a set up like that in my house….minus the carpet.

best nye ever