I’ve been sleepwalking

May is my favorite month. My birthday is in 11 days. But that isn’t the fun part. I’m going to Asheville in 12 days. That is what I’m excited about. I’m finally really getting away. We’ll (my mom and I) be gone for 4 days and 3 nights. I have a long list of what to pack, but since I need most of those things, I can’t start packing most of it.

I’m excited to go to the Biltmore Estate for the first time. And the cabin where we are staying has horses, chickens, etc. I can’t wait. I’ve never been to Asheville. Yipee! I have also never driven that far. It’s 6 hours away! Anyway, I need to find more things to do in Asheville. I have Tuesday, and Wednesday planned out, but I’m scrapping all my plans for Thursday and starting from scratch. 

I finished my practicum! Now I’m waiting to hear back. Will they get rid of my apprentice status? Waiting…I have so much more free time now. I’ve been using it to read when I should be doing so many other things.

I’m off from work today and what did I do? I took my car to Sears Auto for the first time. I usually go to the dealer, but my warranty is up. And we don’t like each other. haha. I was going to sing the praises of Sears Auto, but my engine light came back on 20 minutes after they “fixed” it. I think the problem is that there is really no problem. The engine light comes on whenever the gas tank is less than half full. Anyway, I didn’t have to pay them for “fixing” the engine. I paid them to align my tires.

They were honest about the tires which was a huge shock to me. They could have told me my tires were busted, but no my tires are good. And guess what? I bought those tires from Walmart. Sears wanted $650 for a set of tires. ROFL. Walmart is cheaper than that so now that I know Walmart tires are good, I’m going back to them whenever I need new tires.

So even though my engine light didn’t get completely fixed, (grrr! what is going on?) I will probably go back to Sears Auto. It was so convenient. I walked around the mall while they worked on my car.

I made an appointment with my old therapist because that seemed easier than seeing someone new. Get this: The appointment isn’t until June 7. LOL. Glad I don’t really need help. Right?! I didn’t want to deal with going during lunch because she is ALWAYS at least 20 minutes late. So I’m going after work, and they don’t have a lot of afternoon appointments.

This week I…

Music of the week: Tori Kelly, Beyonce, Ellie Goulding, Prince, Martina McBride, Jennifer Pena, Jewel, Amy Grant

I listened to so much music this week. Baby Baby by Amy Grant and Tori Kelly gave me life:

In other music news, Beyonce is so frustrating. Imagine what would happen if she put out a good album. I don’t understand why she has so many dedicated fans. I do like her album – 4. I thought that was underrated. Anyway, my verdict is out on Lemonade. I like the concept. The concept is what keeps me listening to Lemonade on repeat.  But the actual music is still average (so far).  Btw, I haven’t seen the visual album. I’ve heard mixed things, so I’m not that interested.

Random tidbit: I hated the latest Rihanna album when it first came out, but now I almost love it. Almost. Anything is possible.

I love discovering “new” music, but I hate that I discovered Prince posthumously. Wait, I LOVED “Little Red Corvette” and 4 other songs before his death, so I don’t want to make it seem like I didn’t know who he was. Lol. I am a music fan.  So of course, I listened to Prince and knew of his music. I just didn’t listen to full albums. Singles only. I just want to be clear.

TV of the week:  The Fosters, basketball

Movie of the week:  none

Books of the week:  I finished reading  We Have Always Lived in The Castle by Shirley Jackson.  I figured out the mystery way too early, but I’m still confused about one thing so I will probably search the internet for answers this weekend. I gave the book 4 out of 5 stars on Goodreads. Shirley Jackson also wrote the short story “The Lottery”. I LOVED that story when we read it in high school.  I just started Prince the Man and his Music by Matt Thorne. I’m waiting for library holds. Per usual.

Plans for the weekend: Busy weekend. I have to pack and plan for Asheville. This is my grocery store weekend. I’m mowing the lawn on Friday or Sunday (depends on the weather). I will post another Stitch Fix review this weekend. It should be interesting. They sent me shorts! Um, I don’t do shorts because I don’t shave my legs. So…I don’t know what I’m going to do. I told them “no shorts”! lol.

Edited to add: I just got my Stitch Fix. I did an unboxing on Snapchat (kat3x5). It will be up for 24 hours – until Friday afternoon.

Have a great rest of the week and weekend! Bye 🙂

Forever changed

I’m so sad to hear about Junior Seau. 😦

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I don’t think I’m going to see President Obama this weekend. I wouldn’t go to a concert that is that disorganized so what are the chances that I will wait hours for the President? I’m glad D seems to be on the same page. I was going to be her ride. She is a real supporter. Unlike me who will probably vote for him…just because. I’m an independent. I’m not supposed to like the Republican or Democrat! 😉

If I don’t vote for Obama in November, I probably won’t vote at all. Sigh. I could totally see that. I never thought I would not vote for Prez….I follow politics very closely. And while I know he inherited a ton of problems from the previous administration I still find some things he does VERY questionable. As in, WTF? So whatever.

In previous elections I would always say, “I’m so glad I don’t live in a place where my vote actually matters”. Most people live in a blue or red state. (Don’t get me started on the electoral college). So they they don’t have to deal with those stupid, nasty campaign commercials. Well now I live in one of those states. Unfortunately it has already started. Someone save me.

Oh yeah, I’m a little pissed that they got me to give money to their campaign. It was only $5.00 but still. Ugh. I’ve only supported one politician with money. Well, now two people. (Thanks a lot, Obama).

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It’s May. This is usually my favorite time of year. But now I’m battling depression and life is so blah. This isn’t the depression for no reason that com from nowhere. I have quite a few reasons for my depression. LOL. So I’m trying to figure out where to go from here. In 12 days I will be at the beach. I am determined to have a good time. No matter what is going on in my life, I can usually relax at the beach. I really wished it was for 3 nights instead of 2. I could use all the time in the world.

I just want to go away.

exploring Buddhism: 1st truth

So I was supposed to be exploring Buddhism in this blog last month. I’ll start now. May is usually my favorite month but this month will be one of the busiest. New York is one thing. The most stressful will be preparing m bedroom for a certain person who will come in early June. I’m still not happy  about this but I can’t let it take away any possible future joy. (going to see John Mayer in concert in July!!! – he is on my top 3 to see in concert list. How exciting. And I somehow got awesome seats online with a dial up connection. It pays to only order ONE ticket, I guess. woohoo!) I have to turn my storage room into a livable room. There are so many other issues too. It just sucks.

I’m starting school in late May. Trying to sell next week (no rain please). Work stuff. ::sigh:: etc. Too much. My stomach is now upset after typing this. This is why I can’t even *think* about it. I just want to crawl up and die or hibernate or runaway……..

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Buddhism. The first noble truth is really simple and I don’t have much to add to it:

What is the First Noble Truth?

The first truth is that life is suffering i.e., life includes pain, getting old, disease, and ultimately death. We also endure psychological suffering like loneliness frustration, fear, embarrassment, disappointment and anger. This is an irrefutable fact that cannot be denied. It is realistic rather than pessimistic because pessimism is expecting things to be bad. lnstead, Buddhism explains how suffering can be avoided and how we can be truly happy.

source

Um, I agree. This is what drew me to Buddhism. It is just the truth (for me). Of course the tough part is avoiding suffering. That will be explored more later with the other truths. It involves letting go. This quote further explains sufferring:

Suffering is a big word in Buddhist thought. It is a key term and it should be thoroughly understood. The Pali word is dukkha, and it does not just mean the agony of the body. It means that deep subtle sense of unsatisfactoriness which is a part of every mind moment and which results directly from the mental treadmill. The essence of life is suffering, said the Buddha. At first glance this seems exceedingly morbid and pessimistic. It even seems untrue. After all, there are plenty of times when we are happy. Aren’t there. No, there are not. It just seems that way. Take any moment when you feel really fulfilled and examine it closely. Down under the joy, you will find that subtle, all-pervasive undercurrent of tension, that no matter how great this moment is, it is going to end. No matter how much you just gained, you are either going to lose some of it or spend the rest of your days guarding what you have got and scheming how to get more. And in the end, you are going to die. In the end, you lose everything. It is all transitory.

-Henepola Gunaratana

So there really isn’t happiness. I don’t even know what that  word means. I’m just glad I’m not trying to attain it. One less thing to worry about.

Now I’m in survival mode. Get up. Go to work. Try not to have a nervous breakdown. Repeat. But I have other stuff going on too. A lot of things I should be doing are not happening.

Crisis mode. survival mode. This week will be a tough test.

Btw, I’m not a Buddhist.