Most wonderful time of the year

Happy March Madness! I usually have 2 days off during this week, but I decided to take more time off during the summer instead of right now so I have a day and a half off instead. Not too bad.

I mowed the lawn today while it was 37 degrees. I thought I would be able to mow the whole yard because the worse part for me is mowing the lawn when it is so hot. Uh, no. My yard is too big. All my other neighbors have riding lawnmowers because their yards are bigger or the same size as my yard. I’m the only one pushing a mower. If I owned the house, I would buy a riding mower.

Anyway, even while it was freezing, I couldn’t mow the whole yard. Impossible to do at one time without breaking a few times. So I’m not going to attempt again. Great exercise and learning experience. lol.

Depo-Provera update: My period finally ended earlier this week! I think it lasted about 12-13 days. How horrible is that? But wouldn’t it be great if that were my last period? I’m not counting on it. I’m still not sure about the acne thing. I lost another pound so no weight gain. Yay! I am worried about what will happen the next time I get the injection on April 26. What if all these bad side effects occur?

I’m going to O’Charley’s tomorrow to eat a bacon cheeseburger and fries. That’s how much I care about that weight loss. 😉 I was going to order salmon, but I recently tried grilled salmon at a similar restaurant, and it was just average, so I think I’ll stick to something safe and unhealthy. I love salmon, but maybe I just don’t like it grilled?

UPDATE: I had the grilled salmon at O’Charley’s. It was the best salmon I’ve ever had. If only I could cook it like that. Delicious!

UGH! My dad is coming back to America on Saturday. Why can’t he stay at a hotel instead of at my mom’s? He can afford it. I just don’t want to deal with the panic attacks while driving him to the store. No fun. It’s so awkward and annoying. Groan. Hopefully, I will only have to take him twice a month. I wish I could say once a month. Sigh. I hate this.

And he’s taking away my option of moving back to my mom’s (temporarily) if I have to move out of this house. Okay, not really. My mom has enough bedrooms, but who wants to live like that? For a couple of weeks, it would be fine. But anything more – no way.

I know this all seems so negative, and it is. I’m going to pray on it. I guess I’m feeling doubtful because I’m so tense when I’m taking him somewhere and I don’t know how to get my body to stop freaking out. I’ll pray, tap, and meditate before taking him to the store. That’s all I can do…and definitely take a Klonopin or two.

This week I…

Music of the week: Ed Sheeran, Lea Michele, Ariana Grande, Grace, John Mayer, Miranda Lambert, Bethany Dillon, Ryan Adams

Song of the week: Lea Michele – Anything’s Possible

TV of the week: basketball, My 600-lb Life, Vanderpump Rules

Mostly college basketball.

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: I just finished reading The Tapping Solution for Weight Loss and Body Confidence by Jessica Ortner. Another 4-star book. This book did convince me I should stop drinking diet soda. Of course, I already knew that. #1 it can cause type 2 diabetes. But she also said it could cause cravings for wheat and sweets.  I haven’t had dessert in 3+ weeks which is a record for me. But it probably does cause cravings for me. I’m thinking about switching over to green juice 100% of the time, but it is so expensive.

Now reading:

The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein (rereading…5-star book!)
Add More Ing to Your Life: A Hip Guide to Happiness by Gabrielle Bernstein
Breaking Free From Emotional Eating By Geneen Roth
Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren planner:

planner condren

Plans for the Weekend: I was supposed to stay in and watch basketball all weekend. That’s what March Madness is about, right? But now I’m going out tomorrow and Saturday. On Saturday, I have to take my parents to the store. (So weird to type out). I have to get stuff for me too. My main priority this weekend is watching basketball.

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading! 🙂

Tomorrow is not today

Good things first! It is going to be in the 70s and 80s all week. Does that mean winter is over? I think so. The bad part about this is that I have to go back to mowing my lawn. It is GREAT exercise, so I don’t know why I complain. It’s just hard to get back into the routine. Plus I have a big yard. It takes me two full hours to mow the whole thing. Needless to say, I rarely mow the whole yard at once.

Work is currently kicking my ass. First I can’t work late nights anymore (for no pay), and now we have to DO MORE WORK. *Scream*  And the support I had is kind of gone. I say “kind of” because I’m trying to get it back. When I tell people what I do, they think it’s easy. That is so not true! Our job is so stressful; they spend parts of meetings talking about ways to relieve stress. I’m probably saying too much about work so I’ll stop.

I usually listen to music while working to relieve stress. Sometimes hopping on the treadmill helps. But today I was thinking about work as I was exercising. I had to make myself stop and focus on the music. (I can only get on the treadmill with music. I’ve tried TV and audiobooks, but I get so bored with those things. I have to have music to get through everything).

I desperately need to lose 4 pounds. Okay, maybe I’m being slightly dramatic. What else is new? I’m serious about losing this weight. I would like to do it by May 1. That should be easy, but I like to have cheat days. That is the problem. Most days I eat right and exercise…but some days. sigh. Four pounds. I can do this!!!

I’m so sick of politics. I haven’t been watching the news. I get all my news from Twitter and online newspapers these days. I am still watching the debates, but I don’t know why. I don’t care between Hillary and Bernie. The other side will have Cruz or Trump. Once again, I don’t care.

What am I excited about? (besides the warm weather) March Madness! I had fun watching basketball this past weekend. I’m off on March 17th and 18th for the college basketball tournament. In the mornings, I’m going to do yard work and take my dog to the park. The rest of the day will be basketball, basketball, and basketball.

I know this entry is all over the place. This is where I am. I didn’t mention money problems, but that is always there. 😦 I pay a lot of rent to live in this house. I would be fine if I had my mortgage. But I had to get out of there. I will be seriously looking for seasonal or part-time work starting today.

I already worked on my practicum today. I’m going to see what is out there part-time and then jump under the covers with a book. I’m almost done with Jewel’s book: Never Broken: Songs Are Only Half of the Story. This is the best book I’ve read so far this year.

Bye.

 

I’m caught up and I’m hanging on

(I typed this entry yesterday but couldn’t post it because my power went out for 7 hours!)

Merry March Madness!! It is my favorite time of the year. I have Thursday and Friday off. I have chores/errands in the morning and then I’m watching basketball all day and night. I’ve been lucky enough to get those days off ever since I started working where I work. Happy almost spring too! (my fave season)

Maybe I won’t be selling on Etsy after all. I’m going with Cafe Press for now. Right now I have 100+ items listed. (!!!) That sounds like a lot but it isn’t really. That is normal for a beginner. I think I’m going to have to get my paint out to make any money. But maybe I will get lucky. At least this is something I can work on NOW. The competition on the site is unreal. Yeah, I dunno. This may not work. I won’t take off what I have now but I doubt I add anymore effort to it.

I should just sell at flea markets once or twice a month. Ding. Ding. Ding. Then I won’t have to deal with shipping but there are drawbacks to everything…like people not wanting to pay full price at flea markets.

B @ the park
B @ the park

I took my dog to the park today during my lunch break. It went okay.  He seemed to LOVE it. He didn’t want to get back in the car to go home. I had to beg. (He knows I won’t pick him up). We only stayed there for about 25 minutes. I’m wondering if it is worth going during lunch. I didn’t get a lot of exercise. I probably walked a mile. So I don’t know if I will do this trip weekly like I’d planned. It was near 70 degrees. It is going to be only 50 on Thursday. That is why I changed the dates.   Btw, I go during lunch to avoid the crowds

 

park near my house
park near my house

See how dreary this park is? But it is the only park that isn’t a “dog park” that allows dogs. Plus it is so close to where I live so I’m thankful for it. I’m going to the pretty parks by myself on my vacation in July. No big plans for that vacation time.

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Eventually there will be no football…probably not in my lifetime. Players like Chris Borland see the light. His life isn’t worth the millions or love of the game. (Not that all football players in the NFL make millions). How much more proof do people need? These guys are damaging their minds and for what? Okay, money and love for the game. But it is worth it? I’m glad Borland gets it. Now we just need a few hundred more to get it. As long as people watch it and there is money involved there will always be players. To stop watching seems to be the only solution (which is what I did in 2013).

Just say no to football.

my misery doesn’t like company

OMG! I have Thursday and Friday off for March Madness!!!!!!! YAY. I knew I had Thursday off a couple of months ago but I just got approved for Friday. Awesome. I live for this time of year. It is the best. 🙂

I am now ahead when it comes to schoolwork. So I’m not overwhelmed with that anymore. I think I was a little manic the first 8 weeks of classes. (not in a bipolar way…) And now I’m lethargic. After work today, I attempted to read for fun but instead took a 45 minute nap. All I really want to do is sleep. ALL. THE. TIME. I have been this way for two weeks. I’m trying to pump myself up. Sigh.

My dog won’t take her pain medication. She doesn’t seem to be in pain but I have to figure out a way to get her to take her medicine. I was supposed to take her back to her normal vet this week but they don’t have anything available. Her appointment is next Monday.

I think my 24 hour vacay is off. 😦 The vet bills are a lot and I still have to pay to take my boards. etc. etc. So………..I dunno. I haven’t booked the hotel. As of right now, I’m not going.

Work was bliss (okay, slight exaggeration) for 6 months. Tomorrow I start the hard shit. I go back to my old department. I hope they remember I haven’t done this in 6 months. I will gently remind them if I must. I just want to do it right. That’s all.

Well this entry is all over the place. I’m going to study for my boards instead of napping some more. ha. I’m so excited about having Friday off, I can do anything. 😉

somewhere trouble don’t go

I’m proud of myself. I made two hard phone calls today. One I had been putting off for months. The other was a new issue. Of course the calls didn’t go as bad as I thought they would. All that anxiety over a little thing. I hate having to make phone calls. I spend more time obsessing over it than actually talking on the phone.

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I’m off tomorrow & Friday for March Madness. The people at work considered this dumb. Taking time off just to watch basketball during the day? I know some thought my love of sports was dumb because I heard someone say it. It just made them feel better about themselves. Oh you watch sports? You must be dumb. I’ve been able to get time off work for March Madness every year since I’ve been in my current department. *STEREOTYPE ALERT* That is the bonus of working with mostly females. 😉 I hate when females confirm the “I don’t get sports” stereotypes by the way. I cringe every time I hear someone say something like, “I only like [insert team] because those are my colors!” Oh god, I hate that. I hate when people reinforce stereotypes in general. I know I have in the past. I’m not saying that I’m not guilty of this.

Basketball starts at noon on both days. I have my time filled before those hours. On Friday I have to mow my lawn at my house. I so don’t want to. :/ This will be my first mow of 2012. I hate that I don’t even live there but I still have to mow that damn lawn. It is good exercise though. I do need something to complement my sporadic treadmill use. On the average, I get on about 3 times a week. Not good enough. I don’t get motivated unless I eat something bad like red velvet cake. Anyhow, tomorrow I might go out to eat alone again. Not sure. I’ll see how I feel after I run my errands. I have a $5 off coupon so breakfast will only be about $5.00. I have to go.

Random: I think all restaurants should be required to serve breakfast all day. It would make a lot of people very happy. 🙂

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DRAMA ALERT

Okay, I’m not really sure this is drama ………..but my coworker asked me (by text) to go to a thing on Saturday. At first I was thinking, “Uh, HELL NO. Basketball is on all day!” I still feel that way. LOL. But I decided to say something about having some free time on Saturday. But I haven’t heard back from her. I’m not broaching the subject because I don’t want to miss basketball. Plus the event is religion based. Once again, I’m not a religious person. So I’m not dying to go even if I had nothing to do.

The drama is within myself. Did I say something wrong in the text? I’m not a normal conversationalist. I just say what I mean. I don’t sugarcoat things. I don’t say anything mean. But when I do talk I’m upfront. I would say exactly what I said to her but I feel strange about that. It was only 3 sentences. Was I supposed to say, “That sounds great!” Because I didn’t. Because it doesn’t sound great. I want to watch basketball. That is why I took Thursday and Friday off. It is important to me but I thought about how she hasn’t asked me to go anywhere in a long time.

Maybe she will call tonight. (She was supposed to call yesterday). And then I know I didn’t hurt her feelings. On the other hand, that means I’m missing basketball. Can’t really win with this one.

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Kindle Fire time.

I love my baby. I’m still having a hard time with the short battery life. My god, it is horrible! I’m probably making it sound worse than it really is. Maybe people who have an iTouch or any smart phone is used to this? I don’t know. The Fire does not compare to the iPad. At all. It is basically a smart phone without the phone. That’s it. If you want more, buy another tablet. (not necessarily an iPad). In fact Amazon doesn’t call the Fire a tablet, because it isn’t one.

What it is, is what I love. 🙂 I’m discovering new things I can do every day. Today I listened to podcasts without having to download them. I also can listen to at least one local HD radio channel (our NPR). I squealed when I saw that. I’ve wanted to listen to that channel forever. It is news talk ALL day unlike the other public channel which brings only certain NPR shows on. The best thing about the Fire, is the portability. I have access to a laptop while I’m working but I hate dragging that thing around. Now I can just do about everything on my Fire….except work on it. Bummer.

I will probably do reviews on more apps as I get them. My favorite new app is a screen dimmer. I think it will allow me to read books on the Fire. What a concept. Reading books on a Kindle? Ha. I was able to read a little on it today but I haven’t given it enough time. I just want to avoid a headache if I can. I’m still reading most stuff on my KK but I want to read two books at once and I thought this would be the best way to do it but it isn’t necessary. It would be nice to be able to see the newspapers I read in color though.

from heaven

2011 started off shitty. Very shitty. March was awesome and I didn’t even do anything, 😉 (I would like to thank the The Selection Committee and VCU.) It is the feeling of aliveness. Yes 10% of me is wondering, “Will I feel a huge letdown when this is over?” It used to happen all the time. The Letdown. I think this will be different. It is kind of like going home after NYC. It was nice but dude, I gotta get back to my life. And right now college basketball is engulfing my life. I think I will be relieved whether VCU wins or loses tonight. In fact, if they win it will be more craziness….

This has been good. This is good.

I can’t for school to be OVER. I’m so over it. Now I know what I can or cannot do. Five more weeks, I think. School just stops my life. I already have work for that. Anyhow 5 more weeks.

I stopped taking Wellbutrin. I know that is not the right thing to do. NEVER do that. But he switched me to a normal dose. Well the normal dose comes in coated pills. Do you know how nasty that coated crap is to drink? I took it a week ago. I gagged. THE END. The low dose isn’t coated so I’m willing to try that. Will it be effective? Probably not because I don’t know anyone who stays on the low dose.

Perhaps I’m not feeling the effects of stopping the WB, because of this exhilarating VCU run. How do I explain this to a doctor? I’ve been going for more than a year. I don’t even want to think of trying to explain the effect of a sport on my life. He might get it but judging from past experiences, I say no. lol. Some people don’t comprehend how something like this can make you feel so joyful. “What does that have to do with you?” You know…

So I’m here, happy, a little nervous. And I don’t know where I’m going tonight. If VCU wins, I’m definitely going out…I have two projects due on Monday so I don’t want to go nuts. I want them to win but I know this is going to be a bit much.

(Just an FYI: I’m thinking about removing my twitter account. I want to continue to get my news from twitter but I don’t want my blogged linked there. Like most things online, I feel like the negativity can crush any good feeling so I don’t know. In case anyone wonder where my twitter feed on this blog has gone).

Miss April

Life is supposed to stop with March Madness. Some people didn’t get the memo. Most of my bills are set up to auto pay not only because I would forget to pay them….I don’t want to know how much I’m paying what to. It would sting too much. In the midst of the madness, I managed to be very sloppy with doing everything. I still have some stuff to do but I don’t want to think about it.

A wise man once said:

If they aren’t excited about it, who cares? I want to hang out with people who are excited about it.

The wise man is our local radio sports show host from Philly. 🙂 He said it on Friday about March Madness. Isn’t that statement true about everything?

I was *so* proud of myself for noticing that my tire was losing air and not freaking out. In hindsight, I should have realized that it was flat – dead, and no amount of air was going to save it. It is a looong story but my spare went flat a few months ago so I had to drive to the nearest mechanic to get a tire. Well he didn’t have a tire to fit my car. (weird). So he put some non-fitting tire on there and it lasted for a few months and the rest is really boring…

But I was proud of myself for checking the tire pressure (with a tire gauge) for the first time EVER. A year ago I was afraid of anything tire related. But my mom’s friend showed me how to do it a year ago. I can’t remember if I suggested it or what. I had this fear that just taking the cap off would allow all the air out. It does not help that my mother thought the same thing. LOL. See where I get this from??? Anyhow, I went to the gas station for the first time by myself to get air for my tire. I did it wrong for 1 minute out of the 3 but I’m relieved to actually DO it. I faced a fear. But all I can think of is, “What is the point if the tire is flat?” SERIOUSLY. Woohoo, I can put air in a bad tire. :/

No I have no interest in learning to change a tire. I have seen big men struggle with it. I weigh 105 with zero muscle. I think I’ll past on that.

I know how to check air pressure and I guess that is all that ‘knowledge’ is good for. WOW. (sarcasm). Yes I am scared of tires. Yes I know normal people know how to do this. I’m done comparing myself with the norm but everybody else is not so I have to say, “I know this isn’t a big deal for everyone else…

My point is that it is easier to face a fear when it is something YOU WANT TO DO. Um, answering phone calls at work? Hmmm, is that a want? Nope, that is a must. The alternative is being unemployed. I would’ve been satisfied if I had succeeded at it. It would have built my self confidence. I would feel like I have more job options. I’m talking in past tense as if I will never be on the phone again.

I just heard gunshots. I guess that was the universe’s way of telling me to blog about this: After I finish school in May, I’m going to see if moving is a possibility. I think I need to go to an open house – something I have never done before – to really feel like I have to move. I don’t want to waste a realtor’s time with ‘private showings’ when I already have a mortgage. I’ll blog more about this later. Nothing like gunshots to remind me. 😉 (It happens often, I assume no one is getting hurt – I wouldn’t joke about that! I do follow the news and no one has been shot or murdered). Why did I even have to type that?

I have an assignment, I want to get done tonight so adios. I actually had “read for fun” and “watch Precious (the movie based on youknow)” on my to do list. Heh, probably won’t happen. By the way, I finally saw The Social Network. If every movie opened with dialogue like that I would go to the movies more than once a year. I wish I’d seen it in the theater. I rarely say that about movies these days. I love the way the screenwriters adapted the script from the novel. B+

Everything is fine

FUCK. I was going to post a happy semi-pleasant entry but damn those people. I’m so glad I had a half of day today. More on that later.

Yesterday JNx (a church going Christian) said, “I hate her”. Yes, she was speaking about me. Nothing has changed. Nothing happened yesterday. She was just trying to annoy me…or she truly hates me and had to get it out while I was less than 5 feet from her. Whatever. It didn’t bother me. Hmmm, maybe that is what triggered them. What? Did they want me to cry or get angry?

Today my coworkers said, “If she wants to be invisible, I will treat her like she is invisible.” NOW they are talking about me in front of me. They are whispering so I would have to listen to hear. But I have good hearing. I can have music/talk radio on and still hear what they are saying. I have learned to ignore the whispers. And I can ignore most of the stuff they say out loud…now. I was horrible at it in the past. But now it’s like what difference does it make? I lose my job????

One more thing about this. They don’t seem to comprehend or care that when they all gang up on me, it is horrible. It is maybe 8 against one. (Thank god most of our peeps work at home). Who would think 8 against one is okay? I’m just ONE person. They are a group. A group of people ganging up on one? I hope they get over it. I swear nothing has changed. JNx just decided to announce her hatred. Oh and I think they agreed “I have issues”. I know they just didn’t figure that out. I did hear that whisper. How lame for adults to act like this.

But I have learned that adults don’t act mature just because they are adults. It took me years to get that.

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I didn’t have a horrible day. George Mason won and I was at home, able to yell and jump around. However, at the car dealership/service they didn’t have the basketball game on. WTF!!!!!!!!!! I don’t know if I am getting less shy or if I’m just crazy about March Madness. I was so pissed. I left my radio in my car so I’m thinking, “There is no way in hell, I’m going to sit here and not watch basketball” HELLO? So I asked the nice lady if I could turn the channel. (I can’t believe I did that….)

They have the remote locked away. (LOL) So I had to wait for the remote control keeper, to get off the phone. Then he had to turn the channel one by one. How weird is that? It took forever to get to CBS. I was starting to get embarrassed.

Maybe they didn’t have it on because they didn’t want their employees watching it as they walk through the waiting room. At the time I wasn’t thinking that. But they do tend to walk around a lot. By the way, there was no one else in the waiting room.

I do feel bad about asking now…because maybe management did not want the tournament on. WHY ELSE WOULD YOU NOT HAVE IT ON? You have a TV, you put college basketball. Hello?? It’s March. I was just shocked. If I had my radio with me, I would have walked and listened.

I’m never like this. I never ask for anything. I’m the “quiet girl”. I don’t know how to process this. I’m an introvert, this is what we do. 🙂
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After my car part was put on, I wasted a bunch of gas. I never get to go to Taco Bell. lol. We don’t have a lot of them here. Or they just aren’t near where I live or work. It is sorta like Subways. I only noticed the Subway thing because my dad gave me a subway gift card. Yes I know about the recent Taco Bell story. Do I care? NOPE. All fast food is disgusting. But as long as it tastes good, I’ll occasionally eat it. I wanted something light and cheap.

There was this huge Taco Bell but I kept missing it. Eventually I got sick of driving around. I ended up going to Arbys but I didn’t know it was an Arby’s. I went through the drive-thru and she asked what I wanted to order. I said, “I’m new. Can I look at the menu?” Is that a common thing. Or is that a really weird thing to say considering it is Arbys? I have no idea. But I imagined her laughing at me for saying it. I ended up with just a chicken sandwich.

You still here? Isn’t this compelling stuff?
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I randomly went to Kohls for the first time. OMG their stuff is sub par. Daisy Fuentes line??? I forgot she had one. (Her clothes were decent, btw but not for the price they wanted). The pricing wasn’t great. And the selection was horrible. I did find a pair of green pants for $16 but after looking at the cooking/bedding stuff, I was so disgusted and I just left. It is a place middle class people go to, to feel “thrifty”. Please. What a waste of time. I’m never going to a Kohls again. If you like Calvin Klein, Gucci, Chanel, go to Ross.

No offense to the middle class, I’m just trying to describe the prices.

spiraling

Bad morning. Bad news in the morning. They know how to do it. Don’t they understand that it is 12 or 20 against ONE. I’m so sick of talking about THEM. But they are everywhere! lol.

I can’t run from myself but I try.
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When the best thing that happens to you is “Bethenny Frankel is following you on Twitter.” then you have problems…No seriously that was great. 🙂 If she only knew how in love with her I was. Hehe. I will definitely tweet less. I was going for once a week but I love tweeting about pop culture so occasionally I go nuts but it is clear that no one following me gives 2 shits about what is going on in my life.
Bethenny Frankel

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I need to remind myself to be grateful. Constantly. I was able to give the credit card companies (2 of em) $400 this month. I am so sick of them. I haven’t used either card in 2 years. Never late but yet my minimum payment goes up. Screw you. :\ I was already motivated to be debt free but now I never want to use a credit card again. Well I will probably always have one for emergencies.

Too bad…the bank is still owning me with my mortgage but what am I gonna do? I have next to no equity in it but things could be worse.
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I’m done with my bracket. I’m not pleased with it but it will make be more exciting this way. I’m off for the first two days! 🙂 I’m bummed I won’t be able to see my alma mater play. I guess the right spot but was way wrong on the time. I have an appointment at 11, there is no way I’m going to make it North Carolina in time. I assumed they would play around 7PM because of who they are playing. Oh well. Still happy for the basketball team. Dread the Red! (yes it is as bad as Maryland’s “Fear the Turtle” ha).

My final four is – Pitt, Oklahoma, Memphis, & Louisville

My DREAM final four is – Radford, BC, VCU & Maryland rofl