No false hope

UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT: I know how much people love these (sarcasm). I feel bad for Rachel Dolezal. To be the #1 trend on social media for something bad…I just feel for her. I don’t know much about the story. I just know she was passing for black but she’s apparently white. I know race is a social construct. Thankyouverymuch. But tell that to the people that live with racism daily. I’m not going on a tangent about that. At least it doesn’t seem like she is going to lose her job UNLESS she gets charged with a crime. I hate hearing about people losing a job.

She must have known that this would come out eventually. She had to know. Was she scared about it? I would have been living in paralyzing fear. I know she put herself in this position but people don’t have to be so mean about it. And please stop with the #TransRacial stuff. It isn’t funny. Oh, I must add that I know the “blackface” thing isn’t right but the women clearly has issues. I have issues too so I’ll pass on judging her. Another thing, some media outlets are reporting she got into Howard University because they thought she was black. Well, NBC news said she went as a white person. Newsflash: White people go to HBCU’s so it is possible. Anyone can apply to a HBCU. You don’t have to be black.

/end rant

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I’ve hit a weight loss plateau. I’m between 134 and 135. It has been that way for a week. I don’t feel as if I’m going to lose anymore. That might sound dramatic but what if my body’s feel good weight is 135? I don’t want to believe that is true because even with the meds I’m on, I was 125 pounds about 2 years ago. (? – I can’t remember exactly when). I don’t know. I may drink more water, see if that helps.

Nutrisystem is not a good diet for people trying to avoid carbs, btw. I feel like I have to mention that. NS is high in fiber which is good. But you have to watch the carbs. I happen to love carbs 😉 so I love NS.

I went to the free gym today. I only walked a mile on the treadmill. I was trying to get home quick.

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I was going to place an ad in the newspaper about my upcoming yard sale but it costs almost $30! What if it rains? I’ve been thinking about it and there is no way I can have the sale if it rains. My porch has a tiny cover but I have way too much stuff. It won’t fit on my porch.  So I’m just going to stick to free advertising for now. When I look for yard sales, I always look at the free options. I never think about the newspaper. I’m not posting signs because I don’t want neighbors to find out that way. They’ll find out when they see cars in the yard and I’m okay with them coming over.

I didn’t have to go anywhere after work all week. I stayed in Monday through Friday. Those are my kind of days! Love it. The next few weeks will not be like that so I’m enjoying it while I can. I’m off next Friday. There are probably billions of things I should do but I think I’m just taking my dog to the park. I hope he will sit still enough so I can get some reading in.

Speaking of reading…I got another library card today! Woohoo. Now I have 3  (legal – LOL) library cards in 3 different counties/cities. I love having access to so many books. To see what I’m reading now, scroll below.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Mariah Carey, Florence + The Machine, Indigo Girls, Lissie, Sara Jackson-Holman, Imagine Dragons, Kelly Clarkson, Kina Grannis

Thanks to Florence + The Machine and Indigo Girls for making me believe in the music of 2015. This has been a bad year so far (compared to last year).

Watched: NBA Finals, PLL, James Holmes trial

Hmmm, I don’t care who wins the NBA championship. I just want seven good games. So far, so good. I’ve been staying up late for these games though. #EastCoast

Movie of the week: Hot Girls Wanted  I expected this documentary on the porn industry to be better. I appreciated that it focused on younger girls (over 18!)  just getting into the industry but um, that is all there was. Average movie.

Books of the week: I’m juggling quite a few books right now. I brought Vanity Fair (the book) from Amazon. It is 755 pages so I don’t know where that fits in. I would like to read it this summer. Here goes…

books
books

Everyday I fight by Stuart Scott on page 147

I Am That Girl by the Alexis Jones (23% through) I might put this one on the back burner to read library books.

Eyes on You: A novel of suspense by Kate White on page 200. I’m trying to get back into reading fiction after mostly reading nonfiction for the past decade. This book is okay. So far, it seems predictable. If you think you would like a grown up version of Pretty Little Liars, check this book out.  Drama, oh my! 🙂

And here are two library books I haven’t started yet:

Not Fade Away: A Memoir of Senses Lost and Found by Rebecca Alexander

But Enough About Me…A Jersey’s Girl’s Unlikely Adventures Among the Absurdly Famous by Jancee Dunn

I hope I can keep the library books for 6 weeks otherwise, they probably won’t get read. Too many books. Not enough time. My fault.

Planner:

plans of the week
plans of the week

Go easy little doves, I’ll be fine

If she knew how much anxiety a simple “how are you doing?” email would cost me, I don’t think she would have asked.

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Between getting the carpet/floor clean in my house and moving all my stuff this weekend – WOW. $$$ Do the short sell people want to see my bank statement now? It is much lower. I haven’t heard back from them. I’m calling them on Thursday. Haven’t heard from the realtor either. Shocking.

I did get 5th row seats to see D’Angelo. 🙂 🙂 🙂 Oh, and Mary J. Blige  and uh, yeah the marvelous Melanie Fiona. But D’ANGELO!!! He is the reason I’m driving 2 hours on August 18th to go to that concert. I did think about not going due to money issues but I also know this may be my only chance (unless he comes back home which will kind of tick me off since I already brought tickets for this show) to see him. I’m sort of worried about him. I’m too invested. I see him as this fragile guy. He did coke to deal with his shyness. Is he 100% fine now? Does he now know that it is okay to be shy? If he doesn’t, then his problem isn’t solved.  I know his fans want to believe that he is fine now but I’m…hesitant and nervous. I just want him to be okay. Is that wrong? I don’t believe it is. Everyone should be  at least fine.

People do drugs to deal with shyness. More commonly they drink. Just yesterday I saw someone calling herself a bitch for not being more social. NO DAMMIT. FUCK THEM for them wanting –  NO DEMANDING –  that you be like them. Screw them. They think they are “right” because they are the majority. We have people killing themselves over this ish.

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Time to lighten the mood with pictures! I love universities. I’m not being cocky since I didn’t build it but my alma mater has the prettiest campus in the state. I thought the uni 20 minutes from me might be able to compete but uh, no. They do have a nice lake though. All we have is a waterfall. Okay, I haven’t been to all the state colleges yet. I’ve been to the majority of them. I only went there to go to the library. Unfortunately it was under major construction. I feel bad for the students but maybe it will be done by the fall? It is a mess. But I still managed to find a whole floor to myself. 🙂 With a sofa and a good view. 😉

view from the couch in library

Can you see the lake in that pic? It isn’t very clear.

best part of the campus

Will I go back there to study? Probably not. But I did get the work I wanted done and then I walked about a 1/2 of mile around the big lake (in the hot heat with nothing to drink). I’m still looking for a good, quiet library. Hmmm. Too bad my alma mater is 4.5 hours away. I lived in that library. I hated when they would close early on Friday nights. Memories….I miss that place. 😦 Not enough to drive 4+ hours just to visit though. One day I will. I’ve been saying that for years.

What am I doing on the 4th? Well I have a paper due on the 5th so there’s that. And I have to clean my frogs’ aquarium. I brought them shrimp. I am not fond of shrimp but frogs and fish are supposed to LOVE it. Well they are like their mom. They didn’t eat it and now the tank is a mess. I might break down and clean it tonight. I really want to but I sort of need to buy something first so….boring story but anyway…

I can’t wait for this week to be over. I have my doctor’s appointment with the general practitioner on Friday. Nervous. I hope I am able to convey how serious the nausea problem is. The last time I got really sick was last Thursday. I threw up at Lowes (made it outside in time). I rarely vomit. Can’t even think about it. Gross.

And then on Saturday I have an appointment with the moving company to move the few things I do own to my mom’s shed. Yes her outdoor shed. Long story.

Whoop. So basically I just blogged about nothing but did I mention I get to see D’angelo in concert???? OMG!!!!!!!!!!! hehe.

I’m just a sinking ship

Depressed.

No overtime for me. Maybe ever. Okay, if I ever start working at home I will work OT. This sucks.

I know I’m depressed when going to the library is not fun. I went to the self help section but I knew none of those books could possibly help me or give me insight. Going to the travel section (my fave) was equally depressing because if I can’t do OT, should I be planning a “Carolinas” road trip this summer? I’m so deflated.

Even the true crime section bummed me out. What the point? Will I even read the books I checked out? Can I afford to read library books? (sarcasm).

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself”

Anyway, a new person called me about Avon and that is the last thing I want to deal with right now but I feel like I have to call her back…today. fuck.

And what about my fun metal jewelry making class? Argh. I have the application. And what about yoga? woe is me.

I don’t want to admit it but typing this out made me feel a little better.

I will keep breathing even though I’m not alive.