I thought I was flying

I would start this entry off with a breaking news alert, but I already knew this was coming. The part-time people “let me go”…a long time ago probably. LOL. I knew it, but no one said anything. Then I got an email on Tuesday about them not getting my laptop. You didn’t get my laptop because you never asked for it.  I received no reason which is fine. I would rather not really know the real reason. Okay, I know why they got rid of me. All I got is a UPS label for their laptop.

Maybe the Tarot reading I got was referring to me losing my part-time job? I dunno. Losing that is NOTHING compared to losing my full-time job. It doesn’t even compare. I don’t want to be in that field anymore. (The field my PT job is in). If I’m not good at something, I have no desire to do it. If I suck at Tarot, I’m not going to do it just because I invested in it. It’s okay to change your mind. I don’t want to do that anymore.

With that being said, I will keep my 2 certifications for at least 3 years. Unfortunately, I have to pay dues and get CEUs every year to keep the certifications. It isn’t cheap, but it isn’t too expensive. I hate to let my certifications go, but I’m not going to be chained to something I no longer want to do. I might need it to fall back on. That is the only reason why I’m not completely cutting the cord.

UPDATE: I just received some news about my full-time job that leads me to believe my position could possibly be gone in a year or two so I will not be completely cutting the cord. It’s possible I could find another job within my company, but then I may not work from home. So…sigh. Anyway, I will probably keep my certifications for at least 5 years.

The part-time people hired me with NO job experience. So…whatevs. I’m over it. I hadn’t worked since December. It doesn’t sting like the temp jobs I mentioned a couple of entries ago.

Live and learn and never regret it.

I decided to do a few goals for the new moon year. I’m not posting all of them here because I would like to keep some things private. This list isn’t even complete. I haven’t had time to really think about what I would like to accomplish in the next 365 days. But I will list the few things I came up with. When I set my mind to something, I usually do it. 90% of the time.

Goals I would like to accomplish prior to April 17, 2019

  • Buy a domain through Squarespace by November.
  • Learn the Tarot thoroughly.
  • Do readings for my mom. (first one in May 2018 – next month!) 
  • Learn my Oracle cards.
  • Finish A Course In Miracles lessons by September. 
  • Have a place in my home to do Tarot readings by October.
  • Have my website up by January 15.
  • Get back on my treadmill weekly.
  • Buy a storm door by October 1.
  • Have a website drawn out by September.
  • Offer a stranger a free reading in exchange for something by February.

Yes, I moved the purchase of my website back because I don’t see the point of purchasing a domain if I’m not going to work on the site. I feel like that’s wasting money. The domain name will be there in November. I also don’t want people visiting the site until it is the way I truly want it to be. Is that perfectionism or just smart?

I’ve been saying I want a storm door for the past 3 years. Money has stopped me (lame excuse), and I have to figure out how to get it installed and delivered. I want it all to happen in one day. They want to deliver it and then come by two days later to install it. Not going to work. I also have to figure out measurements. Sigh. I just don’t want to do the work, but I need a storm door. I’m not going to tell anyone about this goal because I might flake out again. 😉

Update: My mom took an online Enneagram test. She’s a 6 (and a 5)! Like I said in my last entry, if she wasn’t a 2, she’s definitely a 6. She’s a 6 because she’s paranoid and she depends on others for everything. I’m independent, so that drives me a little nuts. I will blog more about this next week. If I had read the basic fears of a 6, I would have pegged her for that over a 2.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): First Aid Kit, Florence + The Machine, Pink, Camilla Cabello, Kacey Musgraves, Lissie, Justin Timberlake, Cardi B

Ariana Grande has new music coming out tomorrow! I hope she releases a good album. She has never released a good, cohesive album. I usually love 4-5 songs on each of her releases. Her last album is probably her best, but it still isn’t great.  I think that is what separates her from other big stars in pop music. But then again, I don’t think Beyonce has released a good album…ever. And people love her. She’s on my mind because she was at Coachella.

TV of the week: NBA playoffs,  Survivor, How to Get Away With Murder

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week: The Lively Show, Fresh Air, The Lowe Post

Books of the week: I finished reading This Messy Magnificent Life by Geneen Roth. Great book and I don’t usually like essay books. I can relate to this book so much. I can say that for all her books. 4 stars.

Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get to Work Book

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Plans for the Weekend: Working, returning my laptop to the UPS store, going to the post office, getting gas for the lawnmower. Fun stuff, I know. That is all happening on Saturday. On Sunday, I hope to just chill and read.

I’m very nervous right now. In less than 2 hours, I have my meet and greet with the Advanced Tarot Class. I haven’t written out what I plan to say when I introduce myself. As soon as I hit publish on this post, that is what I’m going to do. I’m going to keep it very short. What a shocker!

Um, I just found out she’s using Zoom and we’re going to be on camera!! Oh god, now I have to get dressed. 😦 I was dressed to take my dog to the park. I get right back in my comfy PJs whenever I get the chance. I have to use my Mac because guess what? I can’t get on the internet on my PC. I’m glad I have the Mac. Btw, I hope to be able to fix my PC laptop. I haven’t tried everything yet. Now I’m much more nervous! AHHHHHHHH!

UPDATE: This class is serious. OMG! I went second (by chance) in the meet and greet. And people probably could tell I was reading a little. I didn’t read it word for word. But I had pointers. FUCK! In the coaching calls, we are going to be paired with another person and doing READINGS. Double fuck! Our cameras are on the whole time. How can I do a reading when my dog is right beside me? My “office” space is small. More on this later. I thought I would do an update when I’m freaking out. Why not? LOL. OMG. I’m going to bed now.

Have a wonderful weekend. Thanks for reading! 🙂

Heartsleeves

I need to go back to the beach. I need to concentrate on my school work. I need desperately to write in my paper journal instead of blogging here. I need to not care…ever. Twitter is the devil.

I need the beach because I didn’t completely let go. I did that night on the water but then I get back here and well, I relapsed. {——} does not care for me. Why is it that the people I like always “reject” me? ALWAYS? I never put myself out there but this time I did and {——} hates me. Okay, maybe ‘strongly dislike’ is better. Whatever. The point is that I put myself out there more than once and the person did what the person did.

It’s over now. But I could really use the ocean to tell me it is going to be okay. I felt secure and somewhat confident there. Now I’m me again. And well that just sucks. 😉

I did play a part in this. I acted out of insecurity (because I’m insecure) and {——} will not let me forget. I guess it was taken personally. VERY personally.

I don’t normally think much of myself to say this: but this is this person’s lost. You might not miss me EVER, but I was so there for you. Your choice, your loss.

(The person is not reading this, btw).

Stay away from people. They only cause pain. (not real advice)
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My class

Eh. It's a summer class so I should have known what to expect. Lots of work. I took a summer class so I could have a chance of getting my certificate at the end of 2012. The professor grades on participation. I'm guessing if I skip most of the participation, I can make a "B" if I do perfectly on everything else. I feel the pressure. I do plan on taking part in discussions where I actually have something to say BUT I SUCK AT FAKING IT. I will not say something – anything just to get points. Okay maybe if I didn’t suck at it, I would.

But the pressure and anxiety isn’t worth it for me. I. don’t. communicate. well. (Understatement of the century).
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I will be the person blogging about her pet frogs in every entry. 🙂 When I turn the light on in the morning they expect food. I had this crazy idea to feed them at lunch time but noooooo. That will not work when I’m sitting near them. This morning I turned the light on, started up the computer and was ready to work. They started fighting each other within 30 minutes. Now I know that this is normal for african dwarf frogs when they are unsure of their food schedule. So now I’m going to feed them before I have my morning coffee. I hate when they fight because they are very fragile.

I’m slightly concerned that the bigger frog is getting most of the food. I know the smaller frog is eating something. I hope it is enough. I read they can go a week without food so hopefully he will be okay.
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I brought earplugs and pineapple juice today. The latter means party on Friday night! :)…Even though I will be working a half day on Saturday since there is a holiday on Monday. I’m going to make something other than the Bikini Martini after I go shopping again. I can taste it now. Yum.

None the wiser

Today is the first day of summer school and I haven’t checked the syllabus yet. I hope it isn’t scary. Scary can be just a mid-term & final to determine the grade. Or grading heavily based on participation. Or group work (oh god). Or essay tests only. Or too many true & false questions. Why am I scaring myself?

I just wanted to blog to say: I WON! I won THE FIRE STARTER SESSIONS by Danielle LaPorte! Click the link to read about the book. I can’t wait to get it. I rarely enter giveaways because I never know about them in time but I saw a link on Twitter and decided to enter. I thought I had no chance. YAY! 🙂 Thank you.

I did it again. But this is the last time I swear (unless it goes well). I signed up for 10 yoga classes. It was only $50. That is a bargain. The only yoga class I really hated and didn’t follow through on was the class where the instructor made people stand in a rectangle. Chances of that happening again is slim. So I’m looking forward to it. I wonder how many people will be there. It is a little different because it is at my workplace. I’m not really worried about knowing someone there because we have a huge workplace and while I may recognize a face but I doubt I actually know someone.

Yes knowing someone = bad. LOL.
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My beach vacation was awesome. 4 nights at the beach. What wasn’t great was that I was sick for 3 days after I got back. But I’m feeling better now. I had a lot of time to think. It was just me, the beach, and Jason Mraz (his music, not him).

I let one thing I was clutching onto go. If I wasn’t at the beach, I probably would have cried or been depressed about it but I was at peace. I made the decision while staring at the ocean one night. I must have stood in the same spot for about 20 minutes. The cold water on my feet. And I just thought. The ocean gives me clarity.

It was so fun mixing my own drinks! Too bad the drinks are filled with calories. I think I have a new hobby. 🙂 A hobby I will only practice once a week at the most. I don’t have any rum left…only vodka so I can’t make much now without going to the liquor store. hehehe. Me. Going into a liquor store?? LOL. I never would have thought. You have to try the Bikini Martini. It is so good.

I also wrote and read a lot. I’m going to post some of my favorite quotes and a review of one book soon.

Oh, I had the chance to see “Girls“. I can see why people hate the show but I think if I had seen the season opener, I probably would have liked it more. One question: Do people really have this much sex? I guess people asked the same thing about Sex & the City. Anyhow, it wasn’t great but it was watchable. I need to see the premiere before I judge. What intrigued me is that the “girls” weren’t movie star attractive. (No offense). But the writing has to be there too, obviously. I haven’t read anything on it recently but I’m guessing this series won’t last long. I watched Veep too but while I got it (I think), I didn’t really like it. I’ve seen stuff like that before. I’m over it. There is better stuff on network TV (30 Rock, Parks & Rec).

M & M – my dwarf african frogs are doing great. I really think they should have a bigger home but a.) I don’t have room and b.) I’m scared to move them from one home to another. “A” isn’t a big deal. I can give them more space but they won’t be in the same room I’m in. “B” is a huge deal. I can’t find any info on how to move the frogs. I know how to clean fish tanks and move fish. But frogs hop! So um, I’m scared.

African Dwarf frogs are shy. 😉 They need and want places to hide. All they have is one plant. It isn’t a good hiding spot. I want to give them that…after all I get it but they need a bigger home. If they are so shy, why do people recommend they get two? Sometimes M & M get into fights. I can’t help but think they are frustrated by being in such a small place. One of them seems less shy than the other. I’m guessing that the female is the less shy one. She seems to seek out the other frog.

Sharing a small place with no place to hide does not sound fun. I’ve been there. I’ve got to come up with something.

This was supposed to be a short entry. Oh well.