The day has come

Bummer. I did try to make it to the LGBT event. I even saw all the rainbows! But no freaking parking and I got there early! Good luck to those who plan to show up later on. They will have a long walk. Project Life inspired me to go. How? Well I knew I could go and get memorabilia. They had this new limited edition bumper sticker that I really wanted. I wanted to put it in my photo album not on my car. Since I couldn’t make it there, I did go to one place I’d never visited before so all wasn’t lost. Would I have gone if it weren’t for PL? Probably not. Project Life is my new Abilify! 😉

I took some pics of a historic place in my city. I’ve been living here for years but never ventured out here before.


Those who have been there, now know where I was today.

I would have stayed longer but there was a guy with a dog creeping me out. I didn’t think he would harm me. I think he thought I was following him. So he just stopped at one point. Then when I was walking near him to go back down the trail, he started walking right beside me! WEIRD. I’m all about personal space and I would never invade someone’s space on purpose. It is almost rude, imo. (I know different countries/cultures have different personal space ideas but I was in America today). This happens to me a lot. I think people think my shy manner is me flirting when that is sooooooooooooooo not the case. His dog was super cute but um, really?


Look at what I made in jewelry class:

handmade necklace

Okay, I had help with the very last part of the necklace. I am getting down some of the basics I’d forgotten but I’m missing a lot. The teacher tells us to do things then she leaves and I’m thinking “huh”? I’ve had two classes and I’m not sure I’m  getting what I wanted out of it. I am proud of “designing” the above necklace. I did do that by myself. But there was one thing I’ve always had problems with that I couldn’t do without help.

I also made 3 pairs of earrings last week. They turned out okay. I need more practice but I’m too busy to practice making jewelry right now.


I wanna stay but the signs says GO

20 days until I go to Oaxaca, Mexico???

Like I tweeted the government received my passport application. I should receive it in time. Here is a video that explains why I want to visit Oaxaca……..

I figured out how I’m going to exchange money. I’m doing it at the airport in Mexico City. I’ll be there for about 3 hours so I should have enough time to exchange. Thanks to the internet for all this useful info. I’m worried about the whole checked luggage thing. If I were traveling domestically, my bag would probably be at my final destination but since I have 3 flights…ugh! I’m guessing I will have to get my bag somewhere along the way and check it again. yipee. First time flyers is a great resource for um, first time flyers. Too bad it doesn’t quelch my fears about checked luggage. :/

I checked out a book on Mexico from the library today. I first checked it out when I was planning to go to Mexico a few years ago. Now they have an updated version. I will probably take this book with me. I have been adding stuff to my wishlist. Once I get my passport, I will start ordering anything I NEED (versus want). Amazon has some things I can’t find anywhere else so they will be my travel store.

Unashamed desires

Sometimes I have nothing to say. Sometimes I can post everyday. Forget putting all the beautiful stuff on Pinterest. I want to share some stuff here. I want to make jewelry. I love bold jewelry. Statement jewelry. I found two necklaces that made me drool.

wooden beads

(UPDATE: The above necklace went down about $10 overnight. I used my gift card and ordered it. YAY!)

The above piece was inspired by Brazil. Isn’t that beautiful? I want it so bad. Plus my Beginning Jewelry class starts in 18 days and we can bring a piece we would like to rework. WOW, can you imagine making that? I can’t. 😉 I was going to take a simpler necklace that I love but if I had that…wowza. Both necklaces are from Macy’s. I do have a Macy’s gift card from my birthday that I haven’t used. Unfortunately my gift card does not cover the full price of the necklace, not to mention the shipping and handling. (9.99 for S&H – ow!)

So I don’t know what I’m going to do. I will probably order the wooden necklace. The sale price is over after Labor Day. I am also conflicted because I want to wear my own jewelry. I’ve been wearing these simple feather earrings I made. I’ve gotten a ton of looks. It would be nice if I could whip out a business card with my (future) Etsy store on and if I ever got a compliment I could say: You like my jewelry? I made it. You can take a look at my stuff here. That would be awesome. But then I would never wear others jewelry. ROFL. That makes me sad. haha.

I love that necklace but dammit, I WANT TO MAKE THAT NECKLACE. I want to use my own inspiration, of course. I love that the person was inspired by Brazil. That place is so colorful. I want to go there.


I could blog about a person taking cheap shots at me and how much people suck but I think I’ve covered that pretty well. Why do people take cheap shots out of nowhere? Is it their insecurity? Is it that simple? I believe there is a meanness there and a lack of understanding something very basic:

1. All people aren’t the same

2. All situations aren’t the same

For O to imply that my work situation is anything like hers is preposterous. She has no idea what my work is like. So why does she think she knows? UGH PEOPLE SUCK. See, I did it. 🙂 I wish I didn’t have to deal with O on the daily basis. Trust me, I’m looking for a way out.

Stay on the Ride

I can cross one thing off my fall 2012 goals list.

I made 2 pairs of earrings. Too bad they suck! 😉 I wore 1 pair today. Yes I spent two hours last night making earrings. Just a normal thing to do on a Friday night. Some things I share do actually happen. I have to get better at it. I’m learning by watching a DVD. I’ve been making simple necklaces since 5th grade but I have never been able to make anything more. So yes I’m excited that I finally made a pair of earrings but I wish they would have looked more professional. After making the earrings, I didn’t even try to make a necklace. I suck at this wire stuff and this is supposed to be easy! You know, “anyone can do it” . blah. not me.

one of each pair

I also brought 4 strands of pretty beads from Hong Kong via ebay (purple, lavender, red, & black). I can’t afford to do this as a hobby unless I can buy cheap beads. Beads are so expensive! I had forgotten how much they cost. So I went on ebay to get $4.00 worth of beads (free shipping!!).

Can’t wait to get them. BTW, the DVD I’m using is Creating Wire & Beaded Jewelry with Linda Jones. I got it from Ebay.  It is very good. Most people could probably make a lot from just watching the dvd. I’m stuck on part one. :/

As far as my other goals go, I’m about to give up on the resume thing. I used to be so good at that. I almost was done 3 different times before I gave up because I didn’t like something about it. I’m kind of stuck with that one. This weekend is busy. I will probably focus on work for the remainder of the weekend. But I’m also jotting down ideas for my social anxiety “ebook”. I think I’m just going to do a 1 page PDF. I don’t have that many tips. Heh.

I have been giving swimming lessons a lot of thought. One issue is that I would rather have a female instructor. It isn’t a must but I still want to know in advance which  means I have to ASK someone. ugh! It is bad enough calling at all. I still haven’t decided on semi-private (2 people to 1 teacher) or group (5 people to 1 teacher). I just wish I could get my money back if after one group session I know it isn’t going to work. lol. If I do it, it will probably be in October. Bathing suits are discounted by then, I think. 😉 Group lessons are cheaper so I’m leaning towards that but I would love to know more about the semi private lessons.

I went over to my house today and I can tell someone was there. Too bad they didn’t buy it. Someone please buy my house. PLEASE. I believe. I believe. Someone will buy my house by October.

I still have to go to school in the spring. That cost $800. So why am I spending money on jewelry making and (maybe) swimming lessons. Is it foolish or is this the only way I will ever get to LIVE??? The benefits of having friends is not having to spend so much money. I’m sure I could find someone to teach me to swim if I were social. Not just swim but also make jewelry. But I’m out in the middle of the ocean with no one around so I’ve gotta pay for everything.

I know it is all my fault. BLAH.  Everyone’s problem is their own doing. I KNOW. I prefer being alone than the alternative. This isn’t woe is me just the truth.

Oh well I’m in the middle of a really good book so I think I’ll read that now and ignore everything else.

what I cannot change

I really need to find my paper journal. This entry (minus the pictures) needs to go there. I know it is here somewhere. I refuse to buy a new one. I spent $20 on that journal! I’d never spent over $5.00 for a journal until I saw it in Barnes & Nobles. It is more than halfway full so I do need a new one. Yes I’m saying “need”. Writing is like therapy for me…listening to music falls into that class also.

ABILIIFY – Um, Hmm. I really want this to work. Being able to get up on the weekends rock! But for the past week, I have been getting up at 4AM. I’m not 100% sure this is due to the medication. I don’t go to bed at the same time every night so I think it is odd to get up at almost the exact same time every morning. 4:09AM. That is weird. I’m pretty sure someone is slamming their car door at that time. But what really is bad is that I was getting sooooooo tired at work. It was ridiculous. I can’t go in until 6AM so I would try to do homework, catch up on the news etc until 5AM.

That was not working. AT ALL. So last night I stopped taking the med at night. Guess what I didn’t set my alarm and woke up at 7AM. HOWEVER, there are other variables to consider. I finally turned my window unit AC on. That blocks out some outside noise. (I really miss that in the winter – I can hear everything when I don’t have my AC on). The other variable is that I took 1mg of Ativan before bed. I don’t buy that having that much of an effect. I don’t take it often but there is no way that very low dose knocked me out.

Tonight I’m skipping the Ativan. And I will start taking Abilify around noon everyday. I would like to take it before work but I’m worried that it will make me sleepy. I took it at noon today and couldn’t tell if it made me more tired. Like I’ve said before, I am always tired. Abilify just gets me up and moving more…especially around the house. It’s awesome but I have to sleep.

Sigh. Tonight will be another experiment.

What Abilify DOES NOT DO: It doesn’t do help me focus on school. Sure I have more energy but I made 3 brooches in two days. LOL. 😉 I will post pics of those later. I’m planning on selling this Sunday. Weather permitting. I’ve just started “making” brooches so as of right now, I have no plan to sell them this weekend.

I’m just bored with school. Or I can’t focus. Or I suck. I dunno. I have my midterms next week. One is on Tuesday morning. I also have a dentist appointment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (on Tuesday) Yes exclamation points are necessary. I can’t believe I made the appointment.

I have noticed that I’m more normal. Sorry can’t say more social. That sounds like I’m making friends and stuff. But I have gone up to workers in the craft store and asked questions. I became a regular at the craft store for a week. That is something I would shy away from in the past. Going to the same store 3 times in one week…NEVER. But now I feel more ‘normal’. I even exchanged something. Normally, I would just live with it.

I was also more conversational on a phone call. Too bad it wasn’t work related. It was my own stuff. I don’t talk normally but to him, I sorta did! 🙂

I know I’m using the word “normal” a lot but when you are abnormal, you notice that there is a socially excepted way to be. There is a norm. No one is really normal, I guess. But I’ll show you abnormal. Nothing about my life at my age is the norm. Nothing.

I have to go. One last homework assignment is calling but I have some cool pics for you jewelry lovers:

Here are some polymer earrings. They look better in person. I would love to be able to make these one day but for now I’m focused on beading. Oh, yes these are mine. Not selling. 🙂


I’m debating on what to do with the following two pieces:

I’m thinking I will sell the above even though I wore it once and loved it. Both are these necklaces are made of resin.

Resin necklace

Anyone who wants the above will have to pay full price. I love these pieces. Gotta go.

Tryin’ My Best

Photos, photos, photos:

I got up early this morning to set up my selling display. At least I know what I’m up against. The table I have is so tiny and all my stuff isn’t here yet!


I won’t be able to set all the jewelry out at once. I will probably have 4 of the best necklaces out there. And 12 rings. All the Avon will be out because I don’t have much. I just took these pics so I could remember what to put where when I’m really there. On the two big necklace stands I will have better looking necklaces but I don’t have them yet.

rings and things

The flea market doesn’t provide ANY tables. I brought that table for myself so I could have a better place to do my homework. (My cat took over my “office” 2 years ago…) So this is my only table. I might also use a cot if I can find it from last year’s sell. People don’t like bending down to look at jewelry. Noted. 😉

I plan on selling the day before Mother’s Day. I hope it doesn’t rain. And no wind would help…..

Here is a big chunk of Demi Lovato’s 20/20 interview. I am mainly aware of Demi becuse of her anti-bullying campaign. I haven’t seen any of her movies. And “Sonny with a Chance” ??? How cheesy! It isn’t her fault or any of the other actors. After all it is a Disney show so what should I have expected? I do have a few of her songs and I will be buying her next album. A lot of her songs are about self doubt, relying on yourself etc. so of course I like her music. (She writes her own stuff).

I knew the bullying affecting her deeply. She never confirmed the eating disorder thing until recently but there were rumors. In a way, I’m sad for her. I’m not saying others should feel anything, this is how I feel. I’m also very angry. I’m pissed that people (well, kids – whatever) can ruin lives like that. Demi is a role model. She is only 18. I’ll say it, I look up to the girl! She has dealt with the bullying and now has more than one disorder. SIGH. Stop the bullying! I’ll stop before I get more pissed.

No, one more thing: Demi was fortunate to get inpatient help but what about these other kids? I worry about them.

PS: I’m not saying Demi isn’t happy and doing better now. She is strong, has a support system and has her youth (still!).

not reality, it’s actuality

I’m bummed. No water. No call backs. (Yes I did call the plumber back but I won’t again. If he doesn’t want to do it. I just need to know). Update somewhere in this entry. It wasn’t my water heater, it is the pipe. It is completely ruined. Apparently that is worse than having a broken water heater.

My cat is going to run out of water. 😦 Damn, I did rush into a store but I didn’t buy any water.

It sucks that this is happening and midterms are next week.

One good thing is that I don’t have to make up today. No one had today off so I got it. yay! It is rare for 8 hours to be out there. I guess people are saving time for spring/summer.
Since I was home I did get to watch Court TV Tru TV. If I had a DVR, I would probably record that when I’m at work. I hate when they show taped trials and have people comment on them. How fake is that? They already know the verdict. Get rid of the talking heads. Oh, that isn’t what I’m supposed to be blogging about.

While watching Tru TV, I saw a commercial for NovaSure. I want! I want! I don’t really have a heavy period so at first I dismissed it. Info about NovaSure from an unbiased site:

NovaSure is a minimally invasive procedure that many women turn to in place of a hysterectomy. During a procedure, electromagnetic energy is introduced to the uterus with a small wand, similar to what is used during an ultrasound. The energy breaks up the lining, causing it to shed. By reducing the amount of uterine lining, there is less bleeding and cramping each month.

Treatment is usually over in less than two minutes and women can return to their regular activities in a few days. Since the procedure is performed through the vaginal opening, there is no incision and no stitches.

…After healing, most women experience lighter periods, less cramping, and a decrease in PMS-related symptoms. More than 90 percent of women who have had the procedure are satisfied with the results. For women who have suffered for year from heavy cramping and bleeding, the NovaSure procedure is a welcome relief to their symptoms.

I am the person who would never, ever get unnecessary surgery. I am the person who would never be foolish enough to try something new. However, I’m desperate so bring it on. Just my luck. I would get my uterine lining removed and nothing else would change. This procedure is obviously not for women who plan to have kids. I have a feeling a doctor wouldn’t do this on a 20 year old because of course you will change your mind and want to have kids. I’m sure I could convince a doctor to do it to me. I’ll just say:

“I think sex is disgusting” “I hate people” etc. I’m sort of joking but um, I’m not having any kids in this body. That I know for sure. I’m going to read about other people’s experiences before I decide. I doubt I decide anything in the next 6 months. I’m not impulsive when it comes to new, scary procedures.
The warranty people just called me. It will cost me an extra $100 to get it done. At this point I don’t care. He will fix it Saturday morning. Don’t worry I will buy bottled water for my cat….
To end this uplifting entry I’m going to post the last of the rings I will be selling at my 2nd annual Mother’s Day flea market sale. I hope this isn’t all I will have but I’m still going to do it even if this is all I have. I want to have things other than jewelry.

love these. so fun!

already posted these

Aren’t they lovely? I hope I have more to sell but if not…I’m willing to sit there all day with these.
I need to study & eat. I haven’t taken my medicine because I don’t want to drink anything else but I guess I will. I’m way off schedule with the Wellbutrin. I will probably skip that. Argh, I hate skipping new meds.


Something is wrong with me. I wish I was joking. 🙂

I cannot focus on my school work. For some reason, this is the weekend I decided that I’m going to do my (annual?) mother’s day flea market sale. Why not profit off of a fake holiday?? And of course that is sooooooo much more interesting then doing school work. #$%&

I don’t know exactly what I’m selling. I know I want to do “handmade” gift baskets. But I don’t know what to put in them to make a profit yet. I will probably do a couple of perfume sets and maybe baskets full of candy? I’m just trying to keep everything under $10 – $12 since no one wants to pay much at a flea market. I’m not going crazy with that idea since it could be a money waster.

I am excited about the jewelry I’m selling. My concerns about that is the organization. I guess I should separate the costume jewelry from the real jewelry. One thing that is annoying but I completely understand is when people go on about how they are allergic to cheap jewelry. I guess I have to have an appropriate answer. Last time I told the woman, “All I know is that it is nickel free. Sterling silver”. Or whatever.

I have very sensitive skin. I can’t even wear stuff made for sensitive skin without breaking out so I get it. But that doesn’t stop me from still occasionally using the product or wearing the cheap jewelry. I know not to wear the jewelry every day.

Here is a sample of the cheap but FUN costume jewelry I will be selling:

How fun are those? C’mon! I might keep one for myself. I can easily make a profit selling these. They aren’t my favorite type of rings. But for now I’m focusing on something I can afford and make a decent profit on. These rings definitely aren’t for the people allergic to cheap jewelry and I will tell people that when asked.

I don’t know how much jewelry I will have but I will post pics of most of the jewelry. Is it better than me whining, right? 😉

I’m not a saint & I’m not what you think

I erased one entry and then another. I hate when I start to erase because then I want to erase everything. It’s not that serious. I am pretty sure someone at work found my blog. I’m not going to delete this blog over that.

I feel bad about saying “I don’t believe in suicide prevention”. I mean for ME. People with mental illness can be treated (in some/most cases…depends on what you have). They can get better. That isn’t the only statement I think can be misconstrued. I bet a lot of people who accidentally ran across my “having a kid is selfish” post twisted the hell out of that due to their own issues. When all I wanted to say was, “I don’t care what most people do. Live and let live. But when you choose to bring a child into the world please think ‘Is this what I want/society expects or do I think I will be a good parent?” That probably didn’t help anything. LOL.

I hate explaining myself. I think too fast. My thoughts are not concise.


I didn’t work today. Long story. Bummer. I can’t believe school is going to cost me $1050! I could almost go to Mexico with that. But I’m trying not to think about it that way. Not being able to work today is really going to affect how much I will be able to pay in cash. The rest will be paid with a 0% interest credit card check. That sounds great, right. But the no interest thing doesn’t last forever (not a full year or anything). And I have car and house repairs to pay for. Blah blah blah

What is it about me that people like to get it on my nerves? Rhetorical question. I’m sure these people are super nice. 😉


My earrings from South Korea came. DIE! I’ve been wearing them every day. I’m posting the pic of them again. They look much better in person and more antique-y.

cameo earrings

Tomorrow is going to be busy. Then Monday – Wednesday will be the most intense days of my life. All I have to say is: TELEPHONES


I just spent $8.00 on earrings!! I’m totally not freaking out. 🙂 I need to start writing down everything I spend. I go weeks/months without buying unnecessary stuff then I’ll go into I-have-to-have-this-mode. I want to believe I’m above materialism but I’m not. I saw earrings to die for and I ordered them!

I want them now! (of course) But they are coming from Korea. Yes the 8 bucks includes shipping. I didn’t go completely nuts. I will cherish them and wear them at least 2x a week.

Check out these earrings:
cameo earrings

measurement : approx 1.3 in x 0.85 in

stone: Blue crystals

materials : Antique Rhodium Plated

Nickel free / lead free

I hope no one asks who the woman is. LOL. She isn’t a Saint just a regular woman. This style of jewelry reminds me of Jane Eyre etc. I could have gotten the same ones with swarovski crystals around them for the same price but I love the vintage look.

No I’m not really freaking out over spending $ on a pair of earrings. I just hope I don’t go nuts. I’ve had my ears pierced since I was 18 (late bloomer) and I’m surprised my holes haven’t closed yet. I just want grown up earrings. I think it’s time. I’m glad I don’t have expensive taste. I don’t like diamonds or anything too out there. I will limit myself to 5 pair of adult earrings*. One down, 4 more pairs to go. I won’t spend over $20 a pair. And I won’t pay full price.

*grown up = not obviously fake (i.e plastic)

My cat won’t let e blog anymore so until next time….Oh yeah! One of my textbooks came. I’m picking it up from my mom’s house on Friday. Can’t wait to look it over. GEEK. School starts January 8…I think. Registration is in 3 weeks.

no time for tears

To look @ pics of my new shoes, skip to the end. 😉

I don’t have any new info on the dad situation (see entry below). I facebooked him (ha) last night about my living situation so he could know what he was getting into. He has probably answered but I’d rather not know the answer until tonight. I have a lot to do.

I have to sell this upcoming Saturday!!!!!!!! I had no idea that this was the last Saturday in April. I thought I had 13 days to get ready. Uh, no. If I want to sell before Mother’s Day and all of my new inventory is geared towards that…then I have to sell this weekend. Oh dear. I have half of my stuff priced. But I still have tons to do. Do I smell a to do list?

  • put earrings on posts, price them @ same time
  • prepare at least 10 Avon booklets w/business cards, samples (good lunch time project)
  • price shoes, put them in tie up bags
  • pack selling display in one box
  • find gently used stuff around the house (if those items don’t sell I will prob throw them away)
  • uh, price everything else
  • go to mom’s house on Friday after work to pick up the final items
  • prepare $1.00 and $2.00 baskets (have to come up with decent signage?)

The only fun thing for me is the earring project so I’m going to do that right after I post. 🙂 I do wish I had more time to prepare…especially with findings things around the house but I already have done a lot because I enjoy playing with selling jewelry. This isn’t work. It’s fun.


I was supposed to post about my random shoe shopping spree. First my philosophy on shoes: I wear my tennis shoes and dress shoes for 2 years straight. I then get mad that they don’t last and I’m forced to buy a new pair. And I refuse to buy Reebok or Nike shoes (unless used) due to what I saw growing up. I don’t blame the shoe company. It is the culture we live in. Where I lived, you had to have the newest Nike or Reebok shoes or you were tease. Not bullied (big difference). The guys had it the worse but us girls got it too. I saw poor people with no jobs do anything to get the new Nike. People with no jobs. They would rather go without a utility then send their kids to school without the best shoes. Needless to say this has stayed with me (ya think?) and I am just disgusted by the pressure so I don’t go there. Yes I have “weird causes” due to the weird things I experienced.

Also I stay away from white shoes and high heels. White tennis shoes just aren’t attractive to me (um, until yesterday) and I can’t/don’t know how to walk in heels.

That is TMI. I went to an outlet store. *self-proclaimed thrift queen* Anywayz, look at my new shoes:

I don’t have anything against Skechers. lol. I have a black pair just like these. I’ve worn them for a year and I have to admit that I’m getting tired of wearing them everyday. So when I saw these, I was so giddy! Now I can switch. I love Skechers. They are really the only brand I’m familiar with these days.

Ha, I couldn’t resist the bling! Lol. I’m the less blingeset person on earth. That bling is the Guess logo. I didn’t know Guess made tennis shoes. I knew they made purses and clothing. Even though they are white, I think they are kinda cute. 🙂  Anyway, I got them for $9 and I desperately needed a new pair of tennis because I’ve had my skechers’ tennis for two years. I have to retire them for mowing the lawn.

Two pics for these fab Report shoes. Check out that link they have some cute flats/wedges. I might have a favorite dress shoe brand. I can’t do heels but wedges aren’t like heels. I can wear them when I’m not doing a lot of walking…to work, for example. I will probably wear them tomorrow. I will take my flats with me just in case.

3 pairs for just under $50. I have never brought 3 pairs of shoes at one time. heh. Or in ONE year.

I also brought a Nine West purse for $10. It’s black with a long braided strap. I *die* for a braided strap. It is too small for everyday use but perfect for traveling.

Maybe I should go do stuff.