Don’t wanna be buried in debt or sin

Don’t tell me God can cure me of anything. Don’t get me started on God. I was with you until you started verbally judging. I knew you were judging me from the start…anyone who says they don’t judge is lying. Lying to themselves and others. But to judge me to my face?! Whoa! Full stop.

I guess I was unclear in what I believe in. I believe in the Universe. It’s really, really simple. Maybe I misled her by saying I was spiritual. I said that once when we first met. What I meant was that I believe there is something larger than human life — the universe. Not some god. That is what ‘being spiritual’ means to me. I occasionally pray to the Universe. *gasp*

Now I don’t want to go to your Jehovah Witness meeting. (That doesn’t mean I won’t go – haven’t decided). This is why I don’t believe in organized religion. They have an answer for everything. And nothing is more annoying than someone/something that has a so-called answer for every. single. thing. And to totally disregard science? I could never be a Jehovah Witness. But I thought we could still talk. I’m open minded.

You lost me. I guess that is the point of this. I never looked forward to your visits but I tolerated them. I wasn’t even that anxious (when compared to being around other people). But now I have a little contempt for you. I’m not good enough ‘as is’. You are trying to change me. LOL. Get in line. It isn’t going to work but nice try. Maybe I don’t need changing (or maybe I don’t WANT to change) but you could learn a thing or two.

Everywhere I look there are people who want me to change. Why would I want to encourage you to tell me what you think is wrong with me?? I KNOW WHAT PEOPLE THINK IS WRONG WITH ME. I guess everyone thinks I’m stupid? They think I don’t know. That is comical to me. Maybe — just maybe — I don’t care! What a concept! Maybe I’m too busy living my life to be concerned about what you think of me.

Everyone can take a number and get in line if you want to tell me what you think is wrong with me. I am not going to act the way you want me to because I know I will never win that game.

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I had 4 days off from work (counting the weekend). Talk about being discombobulated. My whole schedule flipped upside down. I was still getting most of my “to-dos” done but I was going to bed at 1AM. I was napping at the strangest hours. I didn’t get much extra done. If I didn’t write it down, it didn’t happen. Now I have to get back on work schedule. When I have a real full week off (in July), I cannot let this happen again. I will go to bed at a reasonable time. I will have a schedule. I won’t waste time.

My next time off is in May for my birthday/cabin vacation. Can’t wait. I won’t be getting much done at home because I’ll be gone almost the whole time I’m off from work. But I do have some semi-fun projects I’m working on that I will take with me. (like Project Life and other hobbies). I’m determined to do Project Life for 2014 and 2015. I don’t know why…;)

unapologetic bitch

woohoo! People are viewing my planner YouTube video. I refuse to check stats (for now) but I know people are viewing it because they are clicking on my links like crazy. Awesome. I’m thrilled…even though the video is definitely not my best work.

It looks like I will be going to the Jehovah Witness meeting. Bummer. She didn’t ask me like I thought she would so I didn’t get to use the “I’m not a believer” line. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I could have said that to her face. If we were friends? Perhaps. I can be brutally honest.

It isn’t like I have plans at 7PM on a Friday night. Last Friday I had a movie night. Yesterday I worked on my practicum at 7. So I guess I can go….What do I wear? Since I don’t work in an office, I only have one dress unpacked and that is my interview dress. Well I have another dress but it is kind of racy. 😉 I love that dress. I wore it in Vegas a lot. I will probably end up buying a cheap but cute dress somewhere. The event takes place on April 3rd.

I just got back from the free gym. I walked 1.77 miles on the treadmill. Only 3 people were in the gym including me. Note to self: Saturday at 11:30AM is not a bad time to go to the gym. I weighed myself. I weigh 142.2 pounds. 😦 Actually, I was quite relieved.  I thought I might be on my way to 150! During February, I hibernated. I did not work out at all. My goal weight used to be 120lbs. ROFLMAO Really??? So not happening. Dream deferred. Now my goal weight is 130-135 pounds by June or July.

This Week I…

Music for the week:  Kelly Clarkson, Madonna, Brandi Carlile, Christina Aguilera, Sam Smith, Ariana Grande, Meghan Trainor, Ella Henderson

Song of the week: Bitch I’m Madonna

THIS IS THE BEST SONG EVER.  (slight exaggeration) Okay, I am not even a Madonna fanatic but this song is the shit. If you can’t groove to this song, oh dear. It’s perfect. This should be the next single but how do they get around the word “bitch” on the radio? It is kind of important to the song. Anyone could say anything to her and she can say: “bitch, I’m Madonna” and she wins. I love it. I love it. I love it.

TV for the week: House of Cards, basketball, The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I finished House of Cards. I loved the finale. The rest of the season was average. I didn’t think I would like Kimmy Schmidt. I’m really picky when it comes to comedies. I hate most sitcoms. I like my comedies to be like Veep (so behind with this show), Parks N’ Rec, 30 Rock, Curb Your Enthusiasm (the best!) and Desperate Housewives. So far it is okay. I’m not in love with it.

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: 

Etsy 101: Sell Your Crafts on Etsy, the DIY Marketplace for Handmade, Vintage and Crafting Supplies by Steve Weber (40% through)

I Don’t Want To, I Don’t Feel Like It: How Resistance Controls Your Life and What to Do About It by Cheri Huber (on page 50) – not my favorite book by her.

The Shopping Addiction: A Cure for Compulsive Shopping and Spending to Free Yourself from Addiction! by  Jeffrey Powell (12% through)

My goal in life is to own a house in the country. I can’t do that buying frivolous things. Well, my short term goal is to have an emergency fund. I want the country house to happen in 5 years. I used to be so frugal. Now I need to be and I’m not. ugh.

Speaking of books, Amazon has a deal where you can try Audible and get two free audiobooks. I got 3 free books with my deal. I don’t know why I picked a Stephen King book. Like I will listen to all of that! I’m behind on listening to my audio books. I no longer have Audible. I just signed up for the free trial. Too expensive for me since I don’t listen to the books.

Knitting Projects of the week:  I have lost my knitting mojo. When people would talk about that, I’d think “I doubt that ever happens to me”. ROFL. I just can’t be bothered right now. I will finish my scarf while watching March Madness. I only have about 30 minutes to go.

Walked:  The record for the week is today. I walked 8,209 steps. I don’t think I will ever reach 10,000 steps. If it doesn’t rain on Thursday, I’m taking my dog to the park. I’m off that day (March Madness, baby!) so there will be no rush. I will try to show him the whole park although I hear dogs are not allowed in the rose bush or something? I have been to that park several times and I have no idea what area they are talking about. I hope I don’t break any rules.

Planner update:

weekly layout
weekly layout

kiss goodbye being realistic

Good news! Good news! Total yayness!!!! 🙂 🙂

I didn’t have jury duty at all this week. And so far I don’t have it on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. (Courts are closed Monday for MLK. I’m off from work too). YAY. I’m only on call for two weeks. It would be sooooooo nice if I didn’t have to report at all. I’m definitely holding my breath.

And….I don’t have to take my boards before October! Woot! Woot! (so many exclamation marks!!!) That is a huge relief. I do have to take it before 2015. That gives me a few more months to study. I’ll probably take them in September and December. I need all the time I can get. I’m so much of a geek, I can’t stop studying for it though. While working I’m watching/listening to videos on youtube about the test. I can’t help it. But at least the pressure is off. I can concentrate more on NOW. Now = school work.

(I thought I would have a hard time motivating myself for school this semester but I haven’t had that problem at all. When I’m not working, sleeping or reading for fun, I’m studying. I actually like this stuff. Weird).

And…my landlord had someone insulate my pipes. No shit, right? Does he have any idea how cold this house is? Even though I pay $200 for heat a month, I still have to wear 2-3 layers of clothes IN THE HOUSE AT ALL TIMES. Guess what? I’m still cold. But the good news is that the issue with the pipes has been addressed. 🙂

And…lol. As long as I don’t have jury duty on this Thursday, I will be going to see Michael Eric Dyson speak at a MLK event. I will get a chance to meet him (BREATHE) if I don’t chicken out. If you don’t know about Dyson, he is basically the smartest, funniest, guy on the planet. I’ve read 5 of his 16 books. (I personally think his speeches are 100x better than his books). He is officially a “public intellectual”. He also teaches at Georgetown. And he also is a minister, I don’t hold that against him because he has nothing against atheists. 😉

It would be so great to meet him and get him to sign one of his (my) books. O god. I’m already hyperventilating.

/end good news

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How do I get rid of really nice Jehovah Witnesses? I told them I don’t believe in God but they came back 3 weeks later. They are planning to come back on Sunday. I know most people wouldn’t open the door but my car is outside…It would feel really rude to just ignore them.

They asked me what I would get rid of if I could get rid of anything in the world. I said “poverty”. But wouldn’t it have been funny if I said homophobia? LOL. I crack myself up!  I thought of that right after they left. I don’t know if I would have the courage to say that to a religious group. I like to call out prejudices. I’m {fill in the blank} like that.

Anyway, now they are going on about how God doesn’t want poverty. Blah, blah. But I don’t believe in God so UGH! Moot point. If I don’t believe, anything you say about God to me is pure BS. Is that hard to understand? PEOPLE!!

Sorry for the outburst. I just don’t know how to make them go away. They did make me think about one thing after their first visit. He said most people have an event that makes them not believe in God. He asked me what that was. At the time I said, “uh, nothing really happened. I just stopped believing in my teens. I’m a spiritual person though”. Afterwards I think it might have to do with my social anxiety AND seeing people suffer. (natural disasters, terrorism, etc.)

I hated god for my social anxiety. Who would make someone friendless? (Btw, I’m used to it now so it isn’t a big deal or an issue in my life). I just thought whoever created SA was cruel. And then as I got older, I thought:  I would never believe in a god who would allow these horrible things to happen. I guess that is why I don’t believe in God. Also there is no proof. So there you go.

I’m going to tell the JW I don’t believe in God again  – if I can kindly slip it in. Maybe they will get it then. I’m not trying to be converted!

This is really long. I was supposed to be typing up my homework. Way to go………..I’m going to take a nap instead. Ha. I have all night to do homework. #TypicalFridayNight

bad things happen when mowing

Oh dear. Why did I show interest? And I was sweating from mowing the lawn. I know who Jesus Christ is. I’ve read the bible (all the way through). The bible is interesting and it has good stories. But to me, believing in God would be like believing in superman. No one is going to save me. I believe that no one is forgiving me for my sins. I can’t harm someone, pray to a god and start over. I have to do the work. I have to do the ‘right thing’ from the beginning. I do occasionally pray to Buddha or the universe. However, I know there is no magic.

There was a group of Jehovah Witnesses. One man talked to me while I was finishing up the yard work. He told me things I already knew. I showed a bit of interest when he said the bible study was FREE. Well it could’ve been interpreted as interest but really it was “wow, they do private bible study for free??”. LOL. It is interesting but I would never feel comfortable to do one on one bible study. No freaking way. Unless I was serious. Now if I had kids, maybe. I would raise my kids as Buddhist but I would want them to know about Christ also.

Since it is just me and my cat, no thank you. We were in the front yard. I felt like the neighbors were thinking, “She should get to know Jesus”. Hee 🙂 Why can’t a Buddhist knock on my door? Now that I would LOVE.

The other “bad” thing that happened was a coworker was part of the Jehovah Witness group! ACK! We spoke. She looked familiar and I wondered why she was staring at me from afar as the guy was talking to me. I thought, “why isn’t she knocking on other people’s doors?” Anyway we used to work in the same department. She thought I was still in that department which I think is weird because that department is so small and I’ve been gone for 11 months! I do feel a bit uncomfortable with someone from work knowing where I live but it doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it would.
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I was watching some older eps of “Jon & Kate plus Eight”. Jon is so funny. I watched the show in the beginning when Kate first had the sextuplets and then I skipped about 4 seasons. I had no idea that I had missed about 4 years of shows until I watched some of the marathon yesterday on TLC. The show isn’t as interesting to me now. Watching the family go on trips is exhausting. I would rather see them interact with other kids which probably won’t happen. The parents would have to sign consent forms etc.

Jon said, “Don’t fall because I’m not taking you to the doctor” to one of the girls. I say that to my cat all the time! Does this mean that I’m not a bad mom? 🙂 I laughed so much at that. My cat is like a mixture of a dog and a toddler. I couldn’t do what they do. I can see how it would break someone. They were looking at houses in Virginia. They should move (if they are still together). VA is in the center of the east coast and isn’t as cold and snowy as PA. It’s not a bad place to live and it might take some of the pressure off. Although I doubt they would move if the sextuplets are in school.

I didn’t mean to rant about that show. Gotta go.

p.s
Never thought I would recommended someone move to Virginia. Oh how things change when you grow up.