The decision

While I’m glad James Holmes did not get the death penalty, I have to say that if he were black he would have gotten it. Whites get the benefit of doubt. “Maybe he was mentally ill…” Do blacks get that same benefit of doubt? NO. All of the people on death row in Colorado are black. The death penalty is racist and should be abolished.

In Colorado, Blacks Are 4 Percent Of The Population And 100 Percent Of Death Row Inmates

/end rant

I will add that me wanting life in prison for Holmes didn’t have a lot to do with mental illness. The death penalty is barbaric. And if I hear one more story of an innocent person being on death row…So that is why I’m against it. It isn’t fair. Innocent people have been killed. Do I have to go on?

James Holmes did/does have social anxiety. And perhaps some sort of schizoid disorder. (The prosecution didn’t want anyone to believe the latter).  But I do think he was legally sane at the time of the murders. I think he was just lashing out. He was frustrated. All of a sudden he wasn’t doing well in school (due to oral presentations) and his first girlfriend broke up with him. I’m looking at this through the lens of someone with SA. He didn’t see other alternatives. I wish he would’ve killed himself instead of killing others. 😦 Did he have a psychotic break? Maybe. I don’t know. It’s possible but like I said this has nothing to do with me wanting him to get life in prison instead of the death penalty.

Edited to add: Holmes did TRY to get help. The system failed. This could’ve been prevented. If only the therapist/hospital had told someone exactly what he said.

I think Holmes would rather die than spend the rest of his life locked up. His family are the only ones slightly relieved.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he commits suicide. He already told the shrink how bored he was in jail. He is miserable (as he should be). Punishment fits the crime. Let him live for 60 more years in solitude. THAT IS THE DEATH PENALTY. He is getting what he deserves. Death is a gift. Why give him that?

Just speaking from experience

YAY!  I weigh 135.8 I kid you not. 🙂 🙂 🙂

At first the weight loss seemed slow but now I lose a pound a day (?). WOW. Stat time:

Starting weight on May 11th, 2015: 142

Current weight as of May 29, 2015: 135

Awesome and I’m feeling great too!  I’m going to have to pull out some old clothes to see if I can fit in them. EDIT: Woofreakinghoo! I can wear my jeans I couldn’t wear in Las Vegas. YEAH. I was going to throw some clothes away. I’m glad I didn’t. The best thing about doing Nutrisystem to lose weight is that I’m not even hungry. I used to eat when I was bored. Of course I always had things to do but I didn’t want to do those things. Anyhow, I should cancel NS for money reasons but I’m counting on making some extra money soon.

I’m losing weight just in time for bikini season! Wait, I’ve never worn a bikini and never will. haha. I see things all over social media about losing weight for summer vacay and to be able to look good in a bikini. I had to make a (bad) joke about it.

I have a bunch of new STUFF. I picked up my things from the men’s clothing store that went out of business. It is a lot. Over 100 items.  I have to sell this stuff.  Now the things are overflowing into the living room and I’m feeling overwhelmed. The good thing about clothes is that they can easily be donated but I want my money back. This is a business after all. The clothes have tags on them. SCORE!! If I can’t sell these in person, I will try on Ebay. I have never sold clothes there but I figure clothes NWT (new with tags) can’t be that hard to sell. Donation is the 3rd option.

If a female clothing store would have gone out of business….Buddha, help me. I would keep some stuff for myself. 😉 In fact, I’m currently looking at some gowns  from another sale that I can fit into. One is an OSCAR DE LA RENTA dress. I’m currently the only person interested in the dress. I’m sure that won’t last.  I will most likely take these to consignment shops IF I get them. When will I ever have to be that dressy? I can’t think of an occasion so I’m planning on selling them. One red gown would be perfect for dressing up for Halloween but I don’t do Halloween… this dress seriously makes me want to dress up next October.

James Holmes’ therapy session eerily sound like mine. Freaky. But we both have social anxiety so it shouldn’t be shocking. So weird to hear the exact same questions I get asked being asked to Holmes. And yes, we have some of the same responses. (Not for the reasons Sue might think…but I digress). Also, we don’t say more than we have to. “Yes” “No” “Not really”  etc. Creepy. I’m listening to it now so I had to comment.

I won’t even start on the comments by people who are lucky enough to have no idea what social anxiety is or how it is to live with. Clueless!

This Week I…

Music of the week: Mariah Carey, Kina Grannis, Lissie, Kendrick Lamar, Meghan Trainor, Madonna, Marina & The Diamonds, Kelly Clarkson

Watched: NBA playoffs, PLL, James Holmes trial

Books of the week: Two books for now.  Everyday I fight by Stuart Scott is a secondary read. I take the book with me when I go places.  My main read is The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up which is so funny to me. I’m staring at a heap of clothes that aren’t even my clothes. There are things EVERYWHERE. But I will be taking 1/3 or 1/4 of the items to sell on June 6. I would take more but my car isn’t big enough.

Planner: 

This week
This week

These are the days

A week from tomorrow  my cabin/birthday vacation starts! Woohoo. 🙂 And better news, I got a small bonus from my boss for hard work. YAY. I’ve been struggling  (especially today) so I don’t feel like I’m doing good work. But if she says so. 😉 And…more great news! I finished paying off my student loans!!!1!!! 

I don’t know whether this is bad or good – 66 people have viewed my latest youtube video!! OMG. Wow. Personally I don’t think the video is great but it is okay. I’m just unboxing an item.

I’m still watching the James Holmes trial. Some people are chatting throughout the whole trial. I’m trying to figure out what kind of job these people* have that they can afford to chat ALL DAY. Wow, I could never get away with that. We are expected to work during work hours. The people in the office can’t even watch TV or anything on the internet. I’ve always been jealous of people who get paid but don’t actually work that much. I’ve heard of these jobs but I have no idea how to get one.

*The people that admit to being at work.

Back to the case: People who worked at the school James Holmes went to considered him asocial. Interesting. Holmes sounds just like I did in college. Never talked. Never initiated conversation. etc. etc. The biggest difference is that Holmes is waaaaaaaaay smarter than me.

I have to go to North Carolina on Friday to pick up items I really don’t care about from an estate sale. :/ I just got the call that to ship and pack the items from North Carolina would cost $300!!! Um, I think I can drive my ass to North Carolina. Yeah. I just didn’t want to leave my dog. I better make it back by the time day care closes at 7PM. I know I can make it without traffic…ugh, but the traffic on a Friday afternoon? This could be a mess. I’m still thinking of options. I might take him with me.

Right now I’m just hoping for a miracle. I would love to not have to go to NC only because I’m not prepared. I still want to go to Asheville, NC next year for my vacation.

———-

Goals for May

1. No More Estate sales. I have so much to sell. Until I do my first sale, NO MORE STUFF. My first sale will probably take place in June but if the business license takes a long time to go through, I may have to delay it. Or I may just sell at a regular flea market. No license required. I really want to get rid of this stuff and make some money.

2. Lose 5 pounds. I will start Nutrisystem as soon as I get my food. I don’t have an exact weight yet. (Last weigh in was 142). I did finally order a scale. The first week of Nutrisystem is the hardest. They almost guarantee 5 pounds of weight loss during the first week but since I don’t have much to lose, I’m not counting on losing that much in ONE week!

3. Read 3 books.

4. Do 50 practicum cases.

5. Visit the place I want to sell and inquire about my business license on or about May 21.

6. Clean guinea pig cage and room.

7. Watch 1 movie. This doesn’t include Psycho which I have seen about 10 times. (my favorite movie of all time). I finally brought it from Amazon and I have it on my Kindle. I’m definitely watching that during my trip. I’m also re-watching Season one of Grey’s Anatomy which is still in the shrink wrap. Yes, I have my “watching” planned out because there is no TV at the cabin. I’m sure I’m not going to want to be one with nature 100% of the time. I’m loading my kindle up with books also. I may take a paperback with me too. *gasp*

8. Do Listers Gotta List. I’m doing it for May but not sure about if I will do it in June. I’m over instagram and I thought doing it in a midori traverlers notebook would be more exciting because I have more room. But nah, I don’t know how to fill the space. It isn’t fun anymore. It’s not fulfilling me creatively. (Not that I consider myself creative…)

I Speak Because I Can

I’m always saying I represent for Baltimore because that is where I was born and lived for a few years (off and on). I have family there. I haven’t been back in over 20 years!! And I don’t even live that far. I loved that city. There was always so many things to do. But this isn’t about that. I wanted to talk about the looting, of course. I just want all the people who are taking up for the rioters to acknowledge that some people are opportunists. I know what anger feels like. I know what it feels like not to be able to express it. I know how it feels to let it fester. HOWEVER, some people aren’t all that angry. They may be apathetic. Yet they are still looting and rioting. Why? Because this is an opportunity to get and do stuff.

That’s just pathetic. Trust me, I get anger. Take my word for it. And who is advising the mayor? Geez. I’m not going off on that tangent.

Baltimore, be safe. I love you.

——————–

I keep going back and forth on taking my dog with me to the cabin. Yesterday morning was a definite NO and now I have changed my mind again. He’s my (only) friend. I kind of want him to tag along. On the other hand, I also want a vacation from everything. This dog is no vacation. But I’m going to spend most of my time walking in nature and then relaxing in the cabin. That is a perfect trip for my dog. He likes to chill and I like to chill. We love walking around nature. LOL. We’re a match!

I still have concerns about things like the furniture. I let him get on my sofa. Well I’m going to have to bring something to cover their sofa. (more stuff? ugh!) What if he knocks their beautiful lamp down like he knocked my laptop down? I’d be so screwed. Not only would I have to pay, I would probably never be able to come back. How embarrassing. So I’m going to try to dog proof the place to the best of my ability.

Yeah, I guess he is coming with me. :/ He better behave.

———-

The James Holmes trial (Colorado movie shooter) just started and I’m watching the whole thing. The prosecutor keeps mentioning Holmes’ social anxiety as if to say YES he has social anxiety but he doesn’t have schizoid personality disorder. Social anxiety might make ya angry but a mass murderer?? No. I think it is very possible he has some schizoid thing going on but do I think he was insane at the time of the crime? NO FREAKING WAY. He planned it for months and knew exactly what he was doing. Did his social anxiety (and all the grief that goes with that) play into it? Probably.

Summary of schizoid personality disorder:

Schizoid personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called “Cluster ‘A’ ” or eccentric personality disorders. People with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar. People with schizoid personality disorder also tend to be distant, detached, and indifferent to social relationships. They generally are loners who prefer solitary activities and rarely express strong emotion. Although their names sound alike and they might have some similar symptoms, schizoid personality disorder is not the same thing as schizophrenia. Many people with schizoid personality disorder are able to function fairly well, although they tend to choose jobs that allow them to work alone, such as night security officers, library, or lab workers.

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