The void

Woohoo! 🙂 I’m posting because I finally found CHEWABLE iron vitamins. lol. Over the years, I have gone to every drug store chain, department store and GNC to find chewable iron anything. Thanks Amazon.com! Yep, of course they had them.  (I swear I did not see them 2 years ago). I ordered them on Saturday morning and got them today. Now that is what I call living. The sad thing is that I’m not being sarcastic. Here is a link to these lovely vitamins in case anyone else needs them: Nature’s Plus – Chewable Iron W/ Vit C, 90 chewable tablets

Of course my doctor told me to take something for iron because my iron levels are low. She also said that I needed B vitamins. I can buy those chewable from any store but I went ahead and got them from Amazon (way cheaper from them). I tried B vitamins before (pre-Abilify) because I thought they might help with my depression/lack of stamina. But I don’t think my stomach liked them so I quit taking them. I’m going to try again.

I think she also mentioned something about low red blood cells. (??????) I was “okaying” her like crazy because she called during a very tense and important part of training. One thing I did catch was……..

My ultrasound didn’t show anything abnormal. 😦 That means no gallbladder problems. So the next thing would be to see if I have an ulcer which I thought was the problem for years. But I’m going to wait until I get sick again before seeing a GI. I really wanted to go to a GI and just skip the ultrasound but my doctor recommended it the other way around. Who knows how much that will cost? I’m waiting until I get sick because I’m super smart (sarcasm).

Between the Abilify (which is like, the only magic drug) and taking these vitamins, I hope my depression disappears. But then I think of my life situation and I wonder: Would “Sally” be depressed if she were me too? Is there no hope for me? FUCK.

I apologize for the outburst.

Work was so intense today. blah. I’m going to miss training when it is over. We get extra breaks and longer lunches. I can get a lot of stuff done during those breaks.

Training is the perfect example of diverse personalities. We have one sort of extreme extrovert. 3-4 people are probably 50% introverted, 50% extroverted. Then there is the rest of us. 5 of us are introverts. How cool and not normal is that?! Sometimes I feel bad for the teacher because I know she would rather have more extroverts by her comments about previous classes. HOWEVER, how could we get anything done if there were 2-3 extroverts in the class? We are moving faster than the previous classes…not because we are smarter but because most of us are introverts who just want to focus on the task at hand. The task is learning not socializing.

Diversity is a good thing. I’m so glad we have at least 1 extreme extrovert. I would feel really bad for the teacher otherwise even though I shouldn’t. I think teachers like extroverted students because it makes their job a lot easier.

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As of right now I’m still not going to school in the fall. YES I probably should be going. But I’m taking a break. Between this summer class and trying to move, I’m stressed out. Overwhelmed. Dreaming about dying. You know all that good stuff.  I want to read for fun. I want to play my guitar again. I want to take a jewelry making class. And more importantly…

I want to do more with my social anxiety blog. I want to tell my story of how I, a person with ‘off the scale’ social anxiety, managed to enter the workforce. I haven’t really told my story to others with SA because I feel like know a lot of luck was involved as far as me having my current job. I can’t tell people to GET LUCKY! haha. It’s like having a privileged background and saying “I did it so can you!”. Just um, get privileged.  I’m just going to be honest. Maybe I will make it into a (free) e-book just for the blog. This will take a lot of work from me because as you can tell: I am not a writer. At all. But the possibility excites me.

So yeah I want to skip my final semester (really bad) but I also hope to get a lot of non school things done. If I don’t get some of the things done, I will feel like a failure. Oh wait…