I’m going to die alone

….and I feel fine. No, I haven’t seen Jen Kirkman‘s comedy special with that title yet but I will. Love the title. I don’t usually like comedy acts because I don’t think it is cool to make fun of people but I will give her a chance. Some acts don’t stoop low and I’m hoping she is one of those witty comedians. I used to love watching stand up comedy when I was very young until I became the butt of people’s jokes daily. Not fun. :/


YAY! I just found out today (yesterday by the time I post this) that I am off Friday for the 4th of July!!!!!! woohoo. I had NO IDEA. YES! Surprised days off are the best days ever. 🙂 I would have woke up early and went straight to work.  I saw other people treating Thursday like a Friday so I decided to check it out. I’m did my errands today so I can stay in on Saturday and Sunday. My kind of weekend.

I have decided to do Nutrisystem through the end of August and that will be it. I’m 100% sure. They gave me a great deal on frozen foods so I added one more month. Before that I was getting their regular food (aka ready to go foods). I’ve heard their frozen foods are delicious. I have to try that before saying goodbye. I can’t wait until I get my new food in August. I’m selling a box of NS food on eBay to pay for my current food. lol. NS food sells well on there.

starting weight pre-NS: 142 lbs in mid May

current weight: 131.4 lbs

Hopefully I can get down to at least 125 (!!!!) before the end of August. I would be shocked if that were to happen. I probably need to exercise A LOT more.

I have also decided that I must fucking hustle during my week off. I’m going to get rid of as much stuff as I can….without throwing things away. I will sell things on eBay and donate, donate, donate. I have about a week to get everything organized.

I will also clean up. I hate cleaning. It’s like I don’t know how to organize. It just seems to come easy to some people. Not me. I guess I am sort of doing my July goals right here. I’ll switch to my regular bullet form.

July Goals

  • Drink at least 6 glasses of water a day. I’ve been slacking. Sometimes I only drink two glasses a day. That is more than I used to drink but still not enough. Yesterday I drank 4 glasses. Improving.
  • Have a major cleaning day. I don’t mean clean the bathroom but more like organizing things. I’m going to do this during my week off. I will pick a day when I don’t have anyplace to go.
  • Get rid of inventory. This can’t happen soon enough. Make a plan for everything to go somewhere. Anywhere.
  • Do at least 50 practicum cases this month. I’ve done 220 since January. Obviously I have not been doing 50 a month. I have 440 more cases to go. I have to get this done before January 1.
  • Cut back on estate sales. I would say to stop looking for them but I am interested in clothes ONLY. I have been pretty good about this. I have cut back. I did get stuck with the whole Alias series for $16 which I will sell on eBay for $40. I have never watched an episode of Alias. Is it any good? It doesn’t matter. I’m selling it in a week so I don’t have time to watch it.  Clothes only from here on out (which are rare to find at estate sales so it will be very easy not to get involved…) Eventually I will be looking for a sofa. My sofa is in bad shape. I can get a nice sofa at an estate sale for $10 or less but I have to pay for it to be delivered. blah. So I’m not involved in any estate sells now and I don’t have any plans for the future. That feels freeing.
  • Get down to 130 lbs. Go to the gym. Walk more. Do whatever. I hope I don’t have to have another cheat day. I just feel like since I’m on Nutrisystem, I should try to lose weight. What a concept.

I think that’s enough since a lot of those things are time consuming.  I was going to do the whole explore my city like a tourist for a day on my week off from work but ugh, I have too much to do so that won’t be happening. I might go to a place or two but I doubt I do anything major. I do hope to walk a different route around the neighborhood with my dog (hard to do since we don’t have a sidewalk and my dog likes to run up to moving cars).

I will have some concrete money goals coming up soon.

This week I…

Music of the week: Lissie, Ed Sheeran, Ellie Goulding, Florence + The Machine, Kina Grannis, Kacey Musgraves, Nina Simone, Madonna

Watched: Veep, Big Brother, James Holmes trial

Veep’s season 4 is so much better than season 3. I grew up a Gary but now I just want to be Amy. Amy is the real me. Most people probably see me as a waaaay less capable Amy. LOL. No time for social shit. Just get the job done.

Movies of the week: I watched Divergent again, not because it was great but because this time I really paid attention. I’m less interested in reading the series now but I still might. I have so many books on my to be read list that I doubt I get to it. . I also watched Moulin Rouge! for the 10th (or so) time. Love that move. Obvs.

I’ve been watching documentaries like crazy. I saw Little White Lie which I  mentioned in my last post and The (Dead Mother’s) Club which is what you think it is about. It was interesting like most docs but not riveting. I saw What Happened, Miss Simone. I’m a big Nina Simone fan. I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would. It didn’t answer all my questions at the end. I had no idea she was so tormented.  And she tormented others. Sad. I also didn’t know her music was so important to the civil rights movement. I thought since so many people were making political music back then (compared to now) that her songs didn’t stand out that much.

Books of the week: 

Yes Please by Amy Poehler (better than I expected so far) 53% through

Not Fade Away: A Memoir of Senses Lost and Found by Rebecca Alexander on page 120

Planner update:

plans of the week
plans of the week

Breaking things that I should keep

The yard sale went okay. I “made” about $75. It was damp and rainy (very light off and on). People started coming when I was putting stuff away. OF COURSE, they would. lol. I knew that would happen. I met some nice people. My dog scared off one person. UGH. Who knows what he would have brought? The guy had no idea that my dog was secured. Anyway, I think I’m done with yard sales One and done. I’m going to sell the new with tag clothes the week I’m off work (in 2 weeks). Oh yeah, the clothes rack thing didn’t work which totally sucked! I have used them fine in the past but these two racks did not want to stand.

I’m probably going to donate the used clothes. I have a few suits I know some charities could use. The others I will donate to a LGBT thrift shop. At least that is the plan for now. I might change charities but the point is that they are getting donated. Edit: Thanks to Bing, I found out about the Junior League. #late I don’t think I’ve heard of them.They take men’s and women’s clothes. I have mostly men’s clothes and those clothes would go to veterans looking for work. Sounds perfect. It’s called “Boots to Suits”. Awesome.

In case anyone is interested here is more info on the Junior League:

For more than a century The Junior League has been on the forefront of social reform, identifying problems and finding solutions in a collaborative way. The list of issues they’ve tackled is long and complicated:  pollution, illiteracy, domestic violence, foster children without a safety net, to name just a few.

I’m beginning to think it is just easier to donate the clothes. This is why I could never be a business owner. I just don’t care. Get rid of the damn clothes! 😉 That is all I care about.  I think I will TRY eBay for one week of selling to see how that goes. When it comes to eBay, I don’t know whether to auction the items or do “buy it now”. I like getting to set the price with “buy it now” but I hate running to the post office every time someone buys something. At least with an auction there is an end date so if everyone pays on time, I know when I’m shipping. I’m planning on having 3-5 auctions up at one time so that would probably be 3-4 trips to the post office. As long as it sells, right? I’ve been doing “buy it now” recently so I’ll probably keep going with that.

In summary, I will donate 80% of the clothes and try selling 20% of the clothes. By selling 20% of the clothes, I could easily make a (small) profit on what I paid for ALL the clothes. So that is a win.


I just finished watching the documentary Little White Lie. It is about a Jewish girl who grew up thinking she was white. But she’s really half black. Fascinating. Great movie! Wow. It really brings to light the privilege whites have to never have to think about race. But that isn’t what the movie is really about. It is about secrets, lies, and family. Five stars!

I doubt anyone is wondering but I never capitalize white or black because it is just a social construct. I don’t see a reason to capitalize it. It is just an adjective people use. But…I’m not saying racism isn’t real and all that. I hope I don’t really have to explain all that. Give me some credit. I know being white means something and being black means something and being brown etc. etc.


Yesterday I took my kindle fire outside so I could watch a Jillian Michaels exercise DVD. The kindle got so hot that it stopped working! I was freaking out and thought I was doomed. I did buy it in December 2013 so I thought it might be dead but I brought it in the house, took it out of the cover to cool it down and it worked. Crisis averted. But I don’t know if I will ever take it outside again to exercise. I can’t do vigorous exercise in my house (long demented story) so I don’t know when I will exercise again. I always exercise outside…even when it is very hot. Okay, if it is near 100 degrees, I usually talk myself out of exercise.

Edit: Uh-oh. It is warm (but not hot) right now for no reason. It might be dying. 😦 😦

Well I gotta go.

Never said I was brave

The confederate flag hasn’t gone down yet in South Carolina. I just can’t believe this is what it took. People have been fighting to get that flag down for years. I remember first hearing about it in the late 90s. Not to make light of anything, but thanks to the media for no longer talking about Rachel Dolezal. I’m specifically thinking of Melissa Harris Perry. Melissa did an exclusive interview with her. I know she was planning on talking about it on her show for probably at least an hour. She could have talked about her but she was wise enough to know that that single story doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things. It didn’t stop the comedy shows from making fun of Dolezal but they aren’t news outlets so whatever.


Not much of a Nutrisytem update if you read my last entry. The cheat day worked. If you are stalled at a weight for 2 weeks, I recommend doing a cheat day. It works! I lost 2 pounds! I’m now 132 lbs. Man, if I could see 130 on the scale…The cheat day was delicious and well worth it. 🙂 I had lasagna, french fries and red velvet cake. I’m getting my last NS box in about 2 weeks. That makes me sad but I will be saving money on food.

The things I thought I would make a profit on, I haven’t yet (besides the luggage). But the other stuff? Selling well on eBay. I think I could possibly get all my money back just selling on eBay. Confession: I hate shipping things…but I need to move inventory so #hustle.

I’m nervous about my yard sale tomorrow. It is supposed to rain. 😦  I didn’t put the ad in the newspaper due to the more than 50% chance of rain. So I’m just relying on a free service. People have contacted me based on the free ad. I haven’t been of much help to these people but I did respond.  At least people are seeing it.

I know I should be ready for the sale but I’m not. I’ve been working more hours (for no extra pay) and working on my practicum in the afternoons. I’m getting up at the crack of dawn on Saturday to do most of the stuff. The yard sale doesn’t start until 10 (long story) so if I get up at 5 or 6, I should be okay. My main concern is my clothing rack. If I can’t hang clothes up…ugh! It is so much easier to sell clothes when people can look at them like they would at a store.

This week I…

Music of the week: Lissie, Kelly Clarkson, Florence + The Machine, Mariah Carey, Madonna, Ed Sheeran, Kina Grannis, Hilary Duff

Watched: Veep, Big Brother, Grey’s Anatomy, James Holmes trial

The moment when your eyes are red and people think something happened. No, you were just watching Grey’s Anatomy.

Movies of the week: I watched Divergent and Gone Girl. Both get 4 out of 5 stars. I definitely want to at least read book 1 of the Divergent series now. Gone Girl was good but I remember too much from reading the book. It is probably a much better movie going into it blind. I see most people liked it a little more than I did.

Books of the week: I finished Everyday I fight by Stuart Scott. Great book. I would recommend this book to everyone. 4.5 stars.

Now starting Yes Please by Amy Poehler and  Not Fade Away: A Memoir of Senses Lost and Found by Rebecca Alexander. I have a bad feeling about Yes Please based on other people’s reviews. I don’t think I’m going to LOVE it but I rarely love all the books I read. lol.

Planner update:

planner this week
planner this week

I know you know

Needless to say, the sale didn’t go great. I did sell most of the luggage, some shoes, purses, one dress and some other things. But I didn’t make as much as I wanted. So………

I’m having a mega yard sale. I think this is best. I’m listing or taking a pic of everything I have. It is better to have people come to me. People who are interested in what I have? What a concept! There were so many people selling shoes and especially purses. OMG. I had no idea this place was so busy. The reviews online indicated that the place had died down. Not really.

I did part with my doll in red (see entry below). 😦 I was so sad to see her go but a doll collector really wanted her. She will know how to take care of her. At least she is in a good home.

I’m having the yard sale at the end of June. I’m a little nervous about it. Most people have no idea someone lives where I live. My house is secluded (and I LOVE that). So having a bunch of strangers know that a house exists back here is not ideal. But I gotta do what I gotta do. I must move inventory. And it’s not like I’m going on vacation anytime soon so my house won’t be vacant overnight for a while.

I’m excited, yet nervous. People are scary!!


Last week and over the weekend, I was thinking I might have to go back to therapy over the death (murder) of my coworker. Now I don’t think so. I’m sad for her family/friends and what her life could have been but I’m not obsessing over it anymore. I would miss therapy more if it weren’t such a hassle. That is the only way I can think to describe it. It just takes too much time away from work. If she were on time, that would help.

I’m getting back into the swing of things. I worked, did my practicum and now I’m going to go through my yarn stash to see what I want to sell. Yes, I’m selling some of my yarn. I won’t sell most of it…just 1/5 of it.

Just speaking from experience

YAY!  I weigh 135.8 I kid you not. 🙂 🙂 🙂

At first the weight loss seemed slow but now I lose a pound a day (?). WOW. Stat time:

Starting weight on May 11th, 2015: 142

Current weight as of May 29, 2015: 135

Awesome and I’m feeling great too!  I’m going to have to pull out some old clothes to see if I can fit in them. EDIT: Woofreakinghoo! I can wear my jeans I couldn’t wear in Las Vegas. YEAH. I was going to throw some clothes away. I’m glad I didn’t. The best thing about doing Nutrisystem to lose weight is that I’m not even hungry. I used to eat when I was bored. Of course I always had things to do but I didn’t want to do those things. Anyhow, I should cancel NS for money reasons but I’m counting on making some extra money soon.

I’m losing weight just in time for bikini season! Wait, I’ve never worn a bikini and never will. haha. I see things all over social media about losing weight for summer vacay and to be able to look good in a bikini. I had to make a (bad) joke about it.

I have a bunch of new STUFF. I picked up my things from the men’s clothing store that went out of business. It is a lot. Over 100 items.  I have to sell this stuff.  Now the things are overflowing into the living room and I’m feeling overwhelmed. The good thing about clothes is that they can easily be donated but I want my money back. This is a business after all. The clothes have tags on them. SCORE!! If I can’t sell these in person, I will try on Ebay. I have never sold clothes there but I figure clothes NWT (new with tags) can’t be that hard to sell. Donation is the 3rd option.

If a female clothing store would have gone out of business….Buddha, help me. I would keep some stuff for myself. 😉 In fact, I’m currently looking at some gowns  from another sale that I can fit into. One is an OSCAR DE LA RENTA dress. I’m currently the only person interested in the dress. I’m sure that won’t last.  I will most likely take these to consignment shops IF I get them. When will I ever have to be that dressy? I can’t think of an occasion so I’m planning on selling them. One red gown would be perfect for dressing up for Halloween but I don’t do Halloween… this dress seriously makes me want to dress up next October.

James Holmes’ therapy session eerily sound like mine. Freaky. But we both have social anxiety so it shouldn’t be shocking. So weird to hear the exact same questions I get asked being asked to Holmes. And yes, we have some of the same responses. (Not for the reasons Sue might think…but I digress). Also, we don’t say more than we have to. “Yes” “No” “Not really”  etc. Creepy. I’m listening to it now so I had to comment.

I won’t even start on the comments by people who are lucky enough to have no idea what social anxiety is or how it is to live with. Clueless!

This Week I…

Music of the week: Mariah Carey, Kina Grannis, Lissie, Kendrick Lamar, Meghan Trainor, Madonna, Marina & The Diamonds, Kelly Clarkson

Watched: NBA playoffs, PLL, James Holmes trial

Books of the week: Two books for now.  Everyday I fight by Stuart Scott is a secondary read. I take the book with me when I go places.  My main read is The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up which is so funny to me. I’m staring at a heap of clothes that aren’t even my clothes. There are things EVERYWHERE. But I will be taking 1/3 or 1/4 of the items to sell on June 6. I would take more but my car isn’t big enough.


This week
This week

Let me write my own line

My new scale says my weight is currently 139.4. Hmm, I don’t believe that. There is no way I LOST 2+ pounds in 3 weeks. Maybe the clothes I wore to the gym were heavier? It isn’t like I was wearing jeans when I weighed myself at the gym. I don’t know. I’ve been walking 30 mins a day, mowing the lawn weekly and that’s it. No major food changes. In fact, I’ve kind of been eating more since I know I’m starting Nutrisystem on Sunday. 😉 I can’t believe I’m going to be on a diet (the first 7 days are unfortunately a diet) during my vacation/birthday. Who does that? BUT I can eat as many vegetables as I want so I don’t feel like I’m completely punishing myself.

I can’t wait for the first 7 days to be over. Then I can eat boiled eggs, fruit, snacks…and even bread! I’ve been on the anti-processed food bandwagon but since I don’t really cook, I feel like this is the best start for me. I’m looking forward to eating processed food after banning it from my diet. I know that’s weird. I’m only doing it for 2 months. I hope I can afford 2 months. That’s the plan.

I’m sooooooooo not looking forward to going to North Carolina tomorrow. My dog is going to be boarded for 2 days. 😦 We have never been away that long. (I adopted him in December 2014). But since he is being boarded maybe I will have time to go to Duke or eat out somewhere.

As of right now, I have decided to NOT get a business license.  I think it will delay me getting started. The county where I live doesn’t require one so I’m just going to sell at a couple of local places. My first sale will be my first (or second – lol) free weekend in June.

Quote from one of the best books I’ve read this year:

There is nothing more desperate and unrequited than the love an unpopular girl nurtures for the cool kids. One day, the kids in the popular clique were teasing me, about what, I don’t remember. I got angrier and angrier as they taunted me, not only because they were teasing me but also because I was so painfully aware of the gaping distance between where we were and where I wanted us to be….

From Bad Feminist: Essays by Roxanne Gay. This is a great book. So many good points. It is sort of a memoir and I think that is why it “only” has 4 stars on Amazon. She sometimes goes on personal tangents that don’t seem to have anything to do with feminism.

Posting this short entry now because I don’t know how much I will be able to update. The next two weeks are very hectic.

My mind can’t get no rest


12 days until my first real trip to North Carolina (just a day trip)

17 days until my cabin vacation (with my dog???)

Just thinking about those two things puts me into overwhelm. WHY did I commit to North Carolina? It was an impulsive decision. I may or may not regret it. There is still a very small chance I won’t have to go. Very small.

I picked  up some more stuff from another estate sale today. I’m bummed because I didn’t get one of my boxes. 😦 It was a box of ink pens and other office supplies. I didn’t notice it until too late. Oh well. But the stuff I did get is in good shape. I have started putting prices on items. I’m stuck on some things. How much should I sell the baskets for? One time I went to a flea market and the guy was asking 7.00 for a basket. LOL. Maybe that is a fair price. I don’t know… I just excused myself. I’m sure some people will look at my prices and think “WTF is she thinking?”

I even got a planner from the sale. haha. But I am not keeping it. I think I have it priced at $5.00. I’m selling in June and I have more than enough. Now I have to see about the business license. I was supposed to do it in April but that is so not happening. I will go in the beginning of May. I still don’t have a proper name. blah.

I’m still thinking about trying Nutrisystem for a month. I want to lose 10 pounds and I think that would jump start it. But I’m going on a short vacation soon. Do I want to do Nutrisystem while there? (Why not?) I definitely can’t afford to do it every month. That won’t be happening. It costs so much. ugh, don’t wanna pay.  :/

This Week I…

Music for the week  Lissie, Alabama Shakes, Beth Hart, Madonna, Laura Marling, Nick Jonas, Imagine Dragons, Jillette Johnson

TV for the week: NBA playoffs, Parks and Rec, American Idol

The Wizards are working it!

Book of the week: Reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hanh

Walked: most steps so far Wednesday with 6,346 steps

Planner update:

week so far
week so far

I don’t know what happened to April. I was juggling too many things I guess. I need to focus more in May…of course I have the cabin trip and I’m also going to North Carolina. So…who knows what will happen? I don’t even know if I will have May goals. I’ll probably just move over the ones I didn’t accomplish in April.