Fruits of My Labor

I’m so tired. Why are Sundays always like this? Last weekend, I was supposed to take my dog to the park, but everything ached, and I was fatigued. So, we didn’t go.

Yesterday was great! I worked all day (for my day job for one hour, and the rest was business stuff). I even felt a little optimistic. I rarely feel that way, especially since I’ve had gastroparesis.

I did leave the house today. I’m looking at houses to rent. Today I realized that I can’t do this. I don’t have time to look at a bunch of places. I work 50 hours a week (minimum). Plus, I’m tired and achy. I just can’t. So I don’t know what to do. Maybe wait until I have time off to search for houses? But what if I miss my dream house???

Anyway, the house I saw today was pretty good. I didn’t get to go inside—long story. I hate that I wouldn’t be able to walk my dog if I lived there. There are no sidewalks. I would have to walk on the narrow road. I would have to get in my car and drive to walk him. Um, sorry, I’m too tired for that, and I don’t have time.

The person one house over has a blue lives matter flag on his mailbox. And I saw an “All Lives Matter” sign on a church. LOL. I guess this is a white neighborhood. I didn’t see many people, but everyone I saw was white. The ‘blue lives matter’ folks don’t bother me. I think the All Lives Matter people are ignorant.

Would I still live there? YES. I don’t talk to neighbors. As long as they don’t bother my car, my dog, myself, or the house, I don’t care. It was quiet, but it was also a Sunday morning. I saw a basketball hoop in a person’s yard. UGH. I hate the sound of a bouncing basketball. Been there. Hated that.

Nice house. I would have to hire someone to mow the lawn because there is nowhere to store a lawnmower. I just emailed the guy back. I expressed interest, but I don’t expect much from this.

The last time I weighed myself, I was 109 pounds. That’s decent. I have a follow-up appointment with the GI on August 16. The only medicine I take for gastroparesis is an anti-nausea medicine (Zofran). I had to take it three times this week. I usually go weeks without needing it.

O, GOD. The guy with the house already emailed me back. I don’t know if I trust him. Hmmm. I’m still thinking about how I won’t be able to walk my dog, and he wants to do it month to month. I did that once and lived in the house for five years so…

ARGH. But I really want to move. Oh, and there is nothing nearby except gas stations. I did see a Mexican restaurant and a church with a Spanish sign, so it might be a Hispanic/white neighborhood. But there is nothing there. I want a park or maybe a store. Something.

I still have to investigate this guy. I was able to look inside through some of the windows. I was impressed. It was fixed up. There is new carpet etc. Three bedrooms. Two bathrooms.

Here are some pics of the house I’m probably NOT getting:

living room

I’ve been working. I’m waiting on a new client to sign a contract. They* are supposed to pay me $350 a month. I think they got cold feet. I have to go. I still have more work to do before I get into bed.

*They are nonbinary. I have never mentioned this, but I’ve been nonbinary before everyone knew what it meant. I still use she/her pronouns, though. I need to blog about this one day. My gender (just like sex) is not important to me so I rarely think about it.

Music of the week – Boyce Avenue, Ariana Grande, Jack Ingram, Jewel, Rachel Platten, Taylor Swift, Bethany Dillon, Carly Rae Jepsen

I really have to go if I want to go to bed on time. Thanks for reading. Have a great week! 🙂

Better dig two

I can only laugh at this point. Or scream! “My” house is in a secluded area. I don’t have neighbors on either side.  Of course the county doesn’t like that. I was researching the area because I will be living very close to a park. And I wanted to know how many acres it was etc. (280 acres).  Well the county is planning on building 40+ homes (or trailers) in that wooded area right where I will be living. I don’t know if they will tear my house down or not. I do know that the two houses in back of me are for sale. Interesting, isn’t it? They are two really nice homes. The guy closest to me just placed his house on the market 20 days ago. He knows what is going to happen and is trying to get out now. I don’t blame him.

Well at least I’m only renting, right? But I wanted to stay there for at least 3-5 years. I know things change. The owner could decide he wants to sell after me being there ONE year. I don’t know. But I do know that I picked that house because it was in a quiet, secluded area. Well this sucks. As far as I know there haven’t been meetings against the new houses/subdivision since 2012. I find that odd…

How can they just fuck up 7 acres of land?? I should have known that it was too good to be true. “Country living in the city” ROFL. But I will enjoy it while it lasts. I have created a Google alert for more info. It’s funny. When I was a temp, I worked for the guy who wants to destroy this land. :/ I only temped there for a day or two.

I can’t find out if he has been approved to build yet. I know he was seeking a permit. I don’t know how long that takes. And then how long will it take to build the houses? If it is a trailer park or mobile homes, I’m guessing it won’t take too long. (Bummer). But if they are regular houses, construction might take a while. I dunno. I would be living near a bunch of people. THE HORROR!!…that is if they aren’t planning to tear down my house which I kinda think they are. The owner will probably sell it to them.

As of this moment, I’m planning on moving my furniture on May 18. I would love to move on May 11 but they are still working on the outside of the house. They need probably one more day to finish the well. (Yes, I will be getting my water from a well). The problem is that it is supposed to rain Monday through Wednesday of this upcoming week. That means no work. Sigh.

I went inside the house again yesterday (trespasser!). Still no stove/oven.  But I was happy to see that there are electrical plugs in the dining room. I was slightly freaking out because I really want that to be my office.

Kaleidoscope Dream

I, like, totally got the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG. YAY!

Project Life post next but for now let me blog about “my” house. I went by there today after work. I had no idea I would be able to get in and walk around. Too bad I didn’t have my digital camera, but I did take some lower quality pics. I still can’t believe it.  I even smiled to myself a few times which is very unusual for me.

I will have better pics later, but I’m still going to post some crappy ones for now.

I’m really worried that there still isn’t a stove.  I was told the landlord was going to buy one. But the house is basically done, and if it weren’t raining every day, I could move in on Saturday. (To do one last install they need three days of no rain). Anyhow if he was going to buy a stove, I have a feeling it would already be there. How long can I live without a stove? I may be finding out. Thank Buddha for the microwave. The other bad thing is NO CLOSETS. I mean absolutely none. How weird is that? I didn’t realize that the first time I saw the house. I wouldn’t have worried so much about someone else wanting it if I had known that. How many people are willing to live without any closets. No pantry. No place to hang your clothes etc.

There are two bedrooms and a ‘formal’ dining room. So I’m turning one of the bedrooms into a closet/stuff room. The dining room will be my home office. Picture time. Here is the living room:




What will be my walk in closet:


These shelves will be above my bed. I have always wanted something like this. (crappy quality. sorry)


Shelves in the living room:


Why that’s nice. Now back to reality. I’m off for a week in early June. I hope to get away for at least 2 days but the rest of the time I plan to have a couple of open houses for my apartment. I plan to start renting it July 1 (if I can find someone). I don’t know when I will officially move. I have to pack first. I just know I plan to start working at the house ASAP. No furniture, no problem. I think Friday is my last day in the office. As of right now, it is back to my apartment to work on Monday. I’m terrified ….. but I know it won’t be for long. I can’t let my work slip up at all, though. If it would stop raining, I could move on Saturday but it doesn’t look like that is in the plans.

The vacancy that sat in my heart

Woohoo! I got the house! It is my dream house. Okay, I’m being dramatic again. It doesn’t have french doors……but I don’t have neighbors. On one side is a woody/grassy area. On the other side is the street. No one is in the front of me. And guess what? No one can drive past my house because there is a dead end in front of my house. And nope, I’m not in the country!! This is the kind of house I pass by, sigh and think “Why can’t I live somewhere like this?”

my crib, yo!
my crib, yo!

I do have two people kind of in the back of me. Two much bigger (and “better”) houses. I went by there at 4:45PM today, it was about 75 degrees yet no one was hanging out. SCORE! It was very quiet. You don’t want to know how I got approved. I don’t even know!

that damn yard
that damn yard

I actually got approved for TWO houses. The other house I had already decided not to rent. I went there at 3:30PM and people were hanging out. ugh! That isn’t the only reason. The houses were close together and there were houses in the front, back and to the sides. Been there, done that. It is better than apartment living (for me) but I don’t like it.

Back to my “dream house”: They are installing the carpet on Monday. I probably get to see the inside on Tuesday or Wednesday. Oh, you thought I cared about the inside??? LOL. I only care about not living in an apartment. I would be bummed if it were dirty but I can have people take care of that. 😉 The yard is in decent shape.

The negatives are probably no dishwasher. (not 100% sure there isn’t one but I’m 99% sure). There is a laundry room but as far as I know there isn’t a washer or dryer there. I don’t know if there is even a refrigerator! I had to sign without seeing because it was “first come, first serve” and I know they had other applicants.


Oh, yeah. The nasty. WTF am I going to do with my apartment?????! I don’t want to break the lease. Here are my options:

1. Put the rent on my credit card until my lease is up. I know this is bad but is it better than breaking the lease?

2. Just break the lease and pay up on my credit card…if that is even allowed.

3. Sublease the apartment…except I’m pretty sure that isn’t legal but how would I know since I don’t have a copy of my lease? I wouldn’t mind subletting if I didn’t think I would get caught. Hmmm. I wish I knew someone who wanted an apartment. Not to be a downer but the one person I know, doesn’t have long to live and is no longer looking. I hope he defies doctors expectations but that is another topic.

I don’t know how subleasing works….especially when you don’t want the rental office to know.

Well I have to figure something out. I don’t even know when I’m moving. It is pretty much my choice according to the assistant. Will they hold it until May 1? I doubt it. Not that I don’t want to move NOW but I have to get internet (since I work at home) and electricity before I move in. Decisions, decisions. I am planning on moving my bare essentials ASAP (my work computer etc.) I will work on the floor until I get my desk moved.

I feel a little less screwed. I’m screwing myself by having two places. I am looking for/thinking about getting a part time job. Maybe after a change happens at work (starting next week*), I will be able to do overtime but I can’t count on that. It is very limited. *I will probably blog about this later.

And I didn’t have to have SEX! 🙂 🙂 🙂

We are never ever getting back together

Like ever.

“You have worked too hard  just to give up your good credit”. – realtor

Yeah, well I never thought of it that way. Most people around me laugh at the concept of good credit. I have heard on more than one occasion, “Who has good credit?” I’m about to give that all away…unless my house sells in 30 days. I never saw good credit as work. I was just lucky enough to not lose my job. If you live pay check to pay check and you lose your job, guess what? Your credit is probably going to suck. I’ve been fortunate to be working for 10+ years plus. I have had moments of unemployment. (let go because of not being social enough CHECK). But I haven’t been unemployed really long plus I have always been a saver.

Anyhow, I’ve come to the conclusion that I must pay something to the universe for this house. She -the universe- won’t just let me off the hook for a bad decision. I either have to

  • lose all my savings (if the house sells)
  • have bad credit (if the house doesn’t sell)

At this point, I just kind of want to get rid of the house and I will take the bad credit as long as I can rent a townhouse afterwards. I’m not buying a house again probably ever so that isn’t an issue. Lose all my money or get bad credit? It isn’t like it is completely up to me. I only have 30 days to sell. What are the chances someone will buy in 30 days????! We did lower the price (that is why I’m losing money if it sells) so a few more people might LOOK at the house. But buy?

Even the bank is encouraging me to just give the give the house up. What do they care about my credit? lol. It would be such a relief to get rid of the house but at what cost?

It is all up in the air.


My other uncle died yesterday. The one who didn’t have health insurance until recently. 😦 Two uncles/brothers died a week apart. 😦 😦  (mentioning this because I blogged about him once or twice before).


I’ve been working on my Oaxaca Project Life spreads a little everyday. I have all my journaling from my travel journal done. I just need the photos. Even though I’ve trashed in the past (they are soooooo slow), I will probably use them again. I just have to order them 10 days before I actually want them. I tried Walgreens and I hated their quality. At least the quality at shutterfly is good. I also have 25 free prints at Persnickety Prints. I hear they are great but I have more than 25 pictures right now so I’m not sure when I’m going to use them.

Who needs Photoshop when you can download Picasa for free? Thanks Google. I spent time playing with that today:

food from Oaxaca

I like the idea of combining pics into one 4×6. It is perfect for Project Life.

santo domingo church

After playing around with it a little, some of my pics from the Santo Domingo Church came out okay. To get photos to combine, choose the collage option.

I can’t wait to post my Oaxaca layouts. I think I’m going with Persnicky Prints just to see what all the fuss is about.

One more pic. I’m trying to follow along with Becky Higgins Project Real Life class. Last week was organization. I spent $2.00 on a few containers. I’m actually loving the results. DUH! So obvious, right? Anyhow, here are my attempts at organization:


No I don’t love Virginia all that much. I got those stickers for my beach trips. Anyhow, one is my craft basket and the other is my most worn jewelry. I have much more but I wanted to put my jewelry I wear regularly in a place where I could easily get to it. Oh yeah, my jewelry class is over. I should blog about how that went. I think I will one day.

a few 3x5s

I made a 90 on my final. Not thrilled with that because I double/triple checked my answers. I’m not a perfectionist, I swear. I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


Guster opened for JM. Like all goods bands, they are much better live than on record.

my man

John Mayer in concert 07/18/10

love the headband

VA Beach

my first muffins!

I actually used a stove for the first time since I was 10! I baked these 6-7 weeks ago. Look how messy the pan is. I was freaking out like crazy. I’d never use the stove in my house. I had no idea it had a timer. Maybe I should have figured out how the stove worked in advance?? I just assume the stove was old school like everything else in my house but it seems only a few years old. They tasted great. I had one for breakfast each morning. Yummy. 🙂 I’m going to fix some more this weekend.

P.S. Yes they were instant muffins. No eggs. And I never “cook” anything that uses milk.

new paint color

I love the new color of my house. The house had no real color before. Look at the smudge on the windows. heh. A professional painter didn’t do it. And I didn’t pay for it. I’m more concerned with the inside of the house (which needs A LOT of work). My mom seems to be obsessed with the outside. I don’t get it. She paid for it. I had little interest until I saw the outcome. LOVE IT. I don’t remember the color name. It is a satin exterior. One of the popular brands from Lowes. I wanted a darker blue. Not navy. I hate navy because I was forced to wear it so much as a kid. 🙂 But the “painter” didn’t want to go too dark. ??? Whatev.

meet my dad?

Rule#1 You don’t ask an introvert to stay at their house for a month! Even if you are going to be “mostly out of town”! AHHHHHHHHH

Just when I thought, it couldn’t be any worse. FUCK. Parents. LOL. OMG. This is a joke…until it happens. “Sure you can stay but now I gotta find a place to stay.” My god. What am I supposed to do. My house is not livable for me and my cat much less another human being. I DON’T CLEAN. And I won’t start for you. (ohh! Bitch).

My ultimate nightmare. I don’t cook or clean. This could not be more awkward. My dad has never asked me outright if he can stay with me before…until yesterday through email. The last time I was living in an apartment. The bedroom was free so it wouldn’t have been that big of deal. I tend to nest in one room. I went from living in my parents house to a dorm room to a studio apartment. I haven’t gotten the more than one room thing down yet.

Btw, my dad lives out of the country (can I live with you, for real??? – ;p) right now.

So not the freakin point. Awkward position. Fuck. I’d give him money for food (restuarant) but no person can LIVE with me. I’m a bachelor. My house is a bachelor pad. (Yes I am a girl but trust me, I live like a guy). And then my cat. If she escapes, someone is going to die.

fuck. I don’t want to say NO even though that is what I want to say. It is what makes me comfortable. And trust me, he would be more comfortable living elsewhere. It will be so awkward. I’m going to have to probably work the weirdest hours possible. If they offer overtime (lol), I will be living at work.

I need time to think about this. I don’t like when people spring things on me and I let people know this. Don’t ask me anything the day of. THE ANSWER WILL BE NO. But this is June…maybe he will change his mind. (pleasepleaseplease). I don’t want to say no but if we become more estranged, I’m not going to blame myself.

We are estranged. We don’t talk. I only talk to one person in the world.

whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy? My house is not equipped for this. FUCK. I would be much more angry if I didn’t have time to see if I could find him somewhere to sleep. I sleep in the living room so NO that is not where you can sleep, dad. 🙂 This would’ve been much better in the apartment. My house is soooo small and I have no storage. I use my bedroom as a storage/clothes space. He can’t sleep in the cat room and he wouldn’t want to. So what do I do?

This is a disaster…waiting to happen. As long as he doesn’t expect *anything* it will be a little less of a diaster.

Even if I got married, I wouldn’t live with the person. Jeez.


loner anxious introvert


I got a ticket to see John Mayer. 8th row. woofreakinhoo! who cares now? not me. blah. I’ll try to post some better stuff in the future. I was supposed to start my Buddhism series in this blog but I got distracted by my lack of a TV (huh?). I will start on Monday or Tuesday of this week.

Yes the normal enlightened person or on the path to enlightenment would say “yes” (and have some doubts/fears) but not a socially anxious one. LOL. Every self help book needs to add a chapter for people afraid of people.  I ‘m trying to get on the path of enlightenment but I’m sitting at the starting line by myself with a little knowledge and zero tools. That is the best way to sum that up.

I can’t say no……….I won’t.

the show

Oh, Kansas……….& The Big East. lol

Wondering whether I should go to church, work (just to catch up – no pay), shopping or just stay home tomorrow. The church sermon is about racial segregation in the 1950s. Interesting and it is free but I can’t get over how social church is*. Is there anything left sacred? Everything is social and that is why I don’t do anything!!!! If I go to the service and not talk, I will be perceived as rude BY SOME. A few may see shyness but that isn’t the norm.

*To be fair I have only been to a meeting and seen what it looks like after a service. Vibe = too friendly.

I do care what others think. I don’t want to be rude to people so I just don’t go. It isn’t like I feel the need to go to church so this isn’t “woe is me. I can’t even go to church…unless I want a new group of people to hate me.” 🙂

End of discussion. I’m going to work & I may go shopping. I need something to drink but I really want to check out the organization section of an outlet store. My house has been turned upside down because I got my used love seat, sofa and ottoman today. The ottoman is much bigger than I expected so as of now, it is leaning against the wall.

my cat has a sofa

That’s the big sofa…in my cat’s room. The previous owners put the plastic on. I’m probably going to leave it on. I was led to believe the furniture looked completely different. I like it. I love flower prints. I wear them too. lol. However, I would never get anything light because I’m messy & clumsy. Plus I love pets so…

My love seat is in the living room. (What a tragedy to break up furniture family.) It isn’t against a wall which I consider a non-traditional victory. I will probably never sit on the sofas…while I’m living here. #1 I hate the plasticky noise. Yes I know that can be dealt with but still…One day this might be my main living room furniture or in a guest room. (Guests? What guests? Only animals allowed).

Everything is in the wrong room. My bookshelf is bookless… Tomorrow I’m going to work, gym, & a store or two. No church. Now, I’m going to take a much needed watching basketball break and watch season 3 of “Big Love” on DVD. (rental). I adored season one and I can’t remember if I saw all of season  2.

too raw

I don’t want to talk about work. It is still too raw. I’m not over it. I will say that I’m still employed. 🙂

I have never owned a sofa. In 2 weeks, I’m getting a sofa and a love seat. A real live sofa! Okay sofas aren’t alive but you know what I mean. I don’t have room for it. I was apprehensive about taking a family member’s furniture. Because what about choosing your own stuff? What about your vision? blah. I’m never going to buy my own sofa so what the heck? I never even had a vision when it came to a sofa. lol.

I’m freaking out a little. (no way!) I was going to declutter the living room anyway. I started and now I’m taking a break. It’s a never-ending process. I have 4 days to clean up before my mom comes to help. Without her help, I would pass this furniture up due to lack of room.

I’m looking around my living room now and thinking, “Where is the love seat going to fit?” My cat’s room is going to totally change. She will have a daybed in her room. She probably won’t sleep with me anymore because she’ll have a real bed in her room. I know that sounds nuts but she knows that is her room because I never go in except to change her litter and when I need to print something.

I am supposed to go to church this Sunday. Of course now I’m concerned with backing out due to all the crap I have to do on Saturday. But I have to attempt to have some discipline, right?

I quit!

To all my coworkers: yes you finally won! Congratulations. Must be nice to be a winner and to have a normal life.

I’m not going to fake it. I’m bitter. Practically everyone but me can work at McDonald’s. Not that want to but they CAN. (Yes, I had tried years ago. Not much has changed. In fact, things have gradually gotten worse).

I’m fed up with people because they don’t get it. I’ve already stated my piece on why people annoy the hell out of me. (They have no desire to get it and assume everyone is like them). So that’s that. They have more resources, and I don’t. Let’s move on.

I don’t have much to say…except I really, really wish my manager was there today. OF ALL DAYS. ugh. She is not helpful. (sorry). She is typical not getting it/don’t want to hear it, person. Thanks!

The good thing is if I quit on Monday, I get health insurance until the end of the month. If I had quit today like, I would have NO health insurance. Having health insurance for that 30 days probably won’t help much because I’m not planning on going to a doctor. Well actually I plan to load up on meds and not take them…saving them in case I ever want to attempt to be normal again.

So yeah, 30 days will help with that. At this point, I don’t see me working shortly. If I didn’t have a house, I would move to some place warm and be homeless. But the mortgage….who cares, right? Would I go to jail? Despite what some may think, I do want to do the right thing.

So moving to another state is not an option RIGHT NOW. If I lose my house, then I’m ready to go! I know this sounds crazy, but I think I will miss my cat so much. She won’t let me pick her up…or anyone pick her up so she would be left. I would probably have to have animal control set a trap.

O God, I’m crying again. Over my cat! Okay. Breathe. Don’t think about the cat. You’ve cried enough over a situation you’ve hated.

Okay so now I’m off to figure out how to quit. Never done it before. Normally, I would give a two-week notice but not in these circumstances.

Have a great weekend. lol.