hope you’re the end of my story

(I wrote the below before finding out I can’t get cable internet without my landlord’s written consent. I was so angry. He was 1 hour late, I had to be somewhere and then I get no cable??! pissed. I need internet to work so now I’m back at my mom’s. So the following are my thoughts after one night there. Who knows when I will be back? Internet isn’t an emergency so to him…Anyway, I’m leaving the landlord a message tonight about the cable and the hot water. I feel like such a problem child. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

Things aren’t perfect but this feels like home. It never felt like a new place. Since I’ve moved in I haven’t been in awe. Like, I can’t believe I’m here. No, this was meant to be. I am still worried about the mobile homes the county might build. They haven’t cut down the trees yet so that is a good sign. I’m also a little worried about the two houses in back of me. Both of them are for sale. Who knows who might move in? But so far I’m loving it…Well I still want hot water. What a concept! I also have to find someone to mow my lawn until I buy a lawnmower.

This probably sounds silly but here is what makes this different than an apartment: I went to bed early (10PM) last night. I woke up at 3AM and knew I wasn’t going to go back to sleep anytime soon. I didn’t have TV at the time so I watched a DVD (Juno). After watching the whole thing at 5Am, I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I never would have gotten up if I lived in an apartment. I would have worried about bothering someone. I would have just stayed in bed with no sleep, thinking anxious thoughts and I would have been irritable for the rest of the day. Of course the main difference will be no more hotels!!! YAY!

Picture time. More pics later.

buddha
buddha
office
office

More pics after I unpack.

I can’t tell you where I’m bound

Me: Am I still in the running for the house?
Assistant: Yes

Me: Is there a move in date?
Assistant: No not yet

I really wish I could speak to the owner of the business. I know I wouldn’t have gotten those answers from her. She would have told me that the house should be ready the first week of May blah blah. She is rarely in the office. She is out showing houses etc. Only once when I came in was she there. She would assure me that everything is okay…if it is okay. Well at least I have a set place for at least a week.Β  I brought food for 2 weeks because I know where I will be for at least one full week. I’m at my mom’s house but I can’t help feel like I’m imposing. It used to be fine for me to be here but with my grandmother living here also…it is a strain.

But I’m hoping it is only for a week or maybe two. If I get the house, it isn’t like I can pick up and move that day. I wish! Anyway, the biggest issue for me now is should I apply for other houses? Since I’m undergoing a voluntary foreclosure (STRESS ALERT) it isn’t like I’m the easiest candidate.Β  The word “foreclosure” wasn’t on my credit report when I checked two weeks ago but soon it will be there. Then no one will rent to me. 😦 So I have to find a house ASAP. I think I will give them until May 6 before I turn in another application. I’ve already filled it out. I don’t know if I can wait until May 6 though. Patience.

May is normally my favorite month. It still could be. But it will definitely not be an easy month. I keep forgetting that I am supposed to be going camping with my dog on my birthday. I am leaving on May 14th and returning on May 16th. By then I plan on having some kind of house. I cannot wait for my “dreamhouse” forever. I get nervous each time they re-post the listing. Hello? Am I not enough? LOL. πŸ™‚

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I took my laptop to get repaired on April 22. No phone calls. I called them on April 25. They hadn’t even looked at the thing!! Still no phone calls from them. I don’t know what to do. I guess I will call them on Tuesday to see if they have looked at it. So annoying. Normally I would be all over that but I have so much other stuff going on. Besides I think the laptop is dead now. I used to hear the fan when I pressed the power button but I stopped hearing that. bummer. It’s not like I can afford a new laptop at the moment. If someone rents my apartment quickly then I’ll buy one.

I’m going to make myself go to the Y twice this week. A ‘cardio extreme’ class sounds exactly what I need.Β  I’m also considering cancelling my membership if I get the house. My job gives me about 75% of my membership fees because I live more than 10 miles away from my job but if I get dreamhouse I will be living very close to work and I won’t get a dime.

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I heard two comments from two different mothers recently. I guess when you have kids you can do anything. You’re superwoman. When you have kids you don’t have time for things like jewelry. Such frivolous things! πŸ˜‰ I don’t know what’s going on but drop it already. You chose to have kids. Whoopeeee!!! Good for you. If anyone ever wonder why childfree folks get mad sometimes, listen to women with kids talk to women without kids. Everything centers back to them being a mom.

Oh you CAN’T do this? I can. When you have kids you have to do ———. Oh you CAN do this? Must be nice. I have kids, I don’t have time for that.

LOL! Moms….sigh. Oh and I know all women with kids aren’t like this. Thank Buddha.

I awake with good intentions

……but the day, it always lasts too long.

I just saw the inside of my “dreamhouse”. Freaking amazing!! It is sooo nice. New tub, stove and refrigerator. And the best part: SHELVES. I have dreamed of having built in shelves. She probably thought I was nuts for going crazy over shelves. Well I could have it….if only they decide to let me rent it. It even has a real dining room. That would probably be my office.

I’m very anxious/nervous about this. She said I’m the #1 applicant out of the people they have now however, they re-listed it. 😦 So new people will get a chance to get ahead of me. What if they make more money? Have more landlord references? Have spotless credit? What happens then? 😦 😦 I’m so scared. I have to get this place. No one will be able to sign a lease until the beginning of May because the county is making him install something. That sucks because that is giving them 2 weeks to look for more applicants. Bummer.

I know attachment to anything is bad but this is my only real option. Well the other house has been re-listed as well so if it were still available, I may consider it despite the spotty neighborhood. SIGH.

I do feel better today than I felt last night. She told me not to be scared. LOL. She also told me congratulations but I would be foolish to get my hopes up.

The only bad thing about the house is no closet space. I can totally get over that! Besides I’m used to having that issue.

Oh well after everything that has gone on, I think I’m going to have a “Mad Men” marathon. All I watch is news normally and I can’t take that anymore.

I crumble

Home and work aren’t safe places for two very different reasons. I have more resentment toward the home situation because I feel like that should be safe. Two people have told me to call the police but do they understand that these people slashed all my tires within my first year of moving here. Do I want to risk it?? It is bad but I know it can be much worse.

I’m 100% sure I want to move in two years OR LESS. I’m leaning towards apartment.

My work and home life is suffering. Everyone needs a safe space. That is a basic need. Suffering is NOT accepting what is. Well I’m having a hard time accepting this shit.

This too shall pass. Just wake me up when it happens.

unclutter my life

I hate when I work so hard and it doesn’t show…at work, at home. etc.

I’m in the midst of organizing. Really organizing. I got some decent ideas from Christopher Lowell’s organization book – Christopher Lowell’s Seven Layers of Organization: Unclutter Your Home, Unclutter Your Life. But my problems are

  • clothes. It’s not like I have a lot of clothes but I have about ZERO closest space.
  • my cat has taken over the house (vague, I know)
  • no space. my house is smaller than my last apartment. I never had a space problem until I moved here.
  • I need a better filing system. It’s so funny, when I was growing up I always had a real file cabinet. But now all I have is a file box. I could throw bills from 08 away but that still wouldn’t be enough. I guess I need another $12 box.

I guess it is about not having a place to put stuff. I’m going to get a recycle bin soon so that is where my junk mail will go. That is helpful because my mail doesn’t always make it to the trash in a timely matter.

I want to go to the container store (if we have one) but SCREAM the problem is that I don’t know what to put in the containers. lol. I have made a promise to not decorate my house until it is completely organized.

I’m going to the flea market before mother’s day. I found a few things while cleaning up, that I know will sale. It would be nice to have 50% Avon, 20% my old stuff that-is-like-new, & 30% of a new hobby. We’ll see. In the meantime, I have to find the best flea market in the area.