I should be more cynical

The next time someone says, “I don’t have time for that” in a condescending way, I’m just going to say “Yeah, that is why I don’t wear makeup” or “that is why I don’t have kids”. It’s true. I have no interest in those things and I would rather spend my time doing something else. They can do whatever with their time. I don’t care.

This is silly, but there are people who say “I don’t have time for ‘pretty planning’. Btw, I don’t consider what I do pretty planning because it isn’t that pretty. I use my planner to keep me organized. I write down my to-dos first and then on the weekend, I’ll take 30 minutes and decorate the page. 30 whole minutes! Anyway, these same people spend god knows how long putting on makeup or doing (fill in the blank), yet they claim they don’t have time for something.

Please. It’s all about priorities. I prioritize fun stuff. I could take the time to put on makeup, but I don’t care about it. Makeup is probably fun for some people. I have to do something fun everyday to destress.  (More than one thing whenever possible). I don’t even think about it or plan it. It is necessary.

Anyway, decorating my planner is fun and very relaxing. It’s called a hobby. HOBBY. What a concept! People do stuff they like for fun? WOW. If it ever stops being fun, I’ll stop. Obvs.

Oops. I think that was a rant? Is that allowed? Damn, I keep breaking the rules. 😉

Looks like I’m also working on Xmas. None of this overtime is written in stone. So I shouldn’t celebrate too much. But I am a little excited. With any extra money, I’m going to get my car fixed and I might go to Asheville for my vacation in May. That is still up in the air.

Looking forward to my cheat day on Thursday. I’m buying food in advance tomorrow. 🙂

This week I…

Music of the week:  Ellie Goulding, Justin Bieber, Alessia Cara, Sam Smith, Alanis Morissette, A Great Big World, Borns, The Weeknd

song of the week: Alessia Cara – I’m Yours

TV of the week:  Lost (season 6), basketball, news as usual

I have to stop leaving my TV on cable news before going to sleep. I keep doing it. I wake up to breaking news at 3AM.

Movies of the week:  none.

Books of the week:  I finished reading I Feel Like Going On: Life, Game & Glory by Ray Lewis and Daniel Paisner. Good book. Not too much football talk for nonfans. Quick read. It was nice reliving the football seasons. It made me miss football. #BoycottFootball because it kills people. Anyhow, I’m a huge Ray Lewis fan. (Baltimore, baby!)

Working on finishing these 3 library books:

Planner update:  


I’m going to eat dinner, work late and then watch college basketball. Tonight won’t be a late night like most Friday nights. Gotta work in the morning.


Another world

Since I received my Kindle something strange has happened. I’m reading again! Well I never really stopped but I have read THREE books in 2012….so far.  I haven’t read that much since high school. I love the comfort of being still and just holding the Kindle with one hand. So relaxing. Also it is easier to read anytime, anywhere. Love it. Love it. Love it.

The only thing I don’t like is the non-renewal of library books. Okay fine don’t let us renew but can we keep the book for 21 days instead of 14? The problem is with the “holds”. I already had a book checked out and then a popular book that I had a hold on became available last night so I had to grab it…or risk not getting it for a while. So now I have to read two books in 14 days. That doesn’t seem like a bad problem to have. But I really hate starting a book and not being able to finish. So I will be doing a lot of reading for the next two weeks.

When school starts back up (in Mid-May) I know I won’t read for enjoyment as much. I already have it planned out how I will use my Kindle as a study aid. I will type my notes (as I always do) and then place the notes on my kindle so I can study anywhere. So I better enjoying my  leisure reading now. It won’t last.

To reiterate – I love how I read like I’m a teenager again. You know how you feel a hobby isn’t what it used to be? That is how I felt with reading. I never stopped loving it but I would do other things (like surf the net) over reading.


AVON (All I have been doing is cleaning my house, working, reading and Avon). So I met with the woman I mentioned in my  last entry, OMG. She put the F in friendly.Needless to say that I didn’t match up to her. I’m sure I came off standoffish. SIGH.

I was tired from working all day and in shock when she asked me to sit down. I had no idea we were going to uh, TALK. I just thought I would hand her the brochure and leave. Well no. She was so excited. Don’t get me wrong, I loooooove seeing people passionate about something…even Avon. It makes me happy. But I was so  not prepared for her. 😉

I don’t know if she will order. She wanted one of  everything. So she may…Of course I may have turned off with my “shyness”. Then came the questions:

Are you married?

Do you have a boyfriend?

Do you go out? (to clubs, I guess)

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! no. no and no. Dear god, please don’t make me talk about that. I have no desire to do any of those things. I’m in love with music, sports (sometimes) and my Kindle. That is all I need.

She was watching Kim and  Koutney Take New York which gave her extra points in my book. 🙂 That reminds me that I am at  least two episodes behind. I need to catch the marathon at the right time.

If she orders, I will be shocked. She seems really interested in selling. I wouldn’t mind getting her set up with that.

I have two consistent customers. One spends about $200 a month on Avon. The other anywhere from $10 – $20 a month. I’m fine with that.

So this pretty much covers what I have been doing. Oh yeah, tonight I may cook chicken parmarsen again, using the same recipe. I do want to try different things but I really love how it came out so why not do it at least once more?

the wanderer

Maybe it is just me but it seems like everything is geared towards creative people. There are right brained people, left brained people, mixed people and maybe people who need a class? I’m torn. I just know that my life sucks. It’s like I woke up one day and realized it but surely, I’ve known this all along?? Hello, it is pretty obvious.

My sister makes short films and she travels the world. THE WORLD. She has been everywhere but Antarctica. (Side note: I’ve been obsessed with Antarctica from a young age…even though I hate the cold). She is one year older than me yet she has a life.She isn’t rich at all. Far from it. She doesn’t have social anxiety. So realistically it is dumb of me to even compare myself to her. I usually don’t compare myself to normal people because I just can’t. So stop. I can’t compare myself to others my age or even teenagers. LOL.

But seeing my sister’s life has inspired me to do…something. Unfortunately I can’t travel for many reasons. That is my ultimate dream. I know a job can be made out of it if you are creative. heh. But to me that is more of a hobby or maybe even a way of life for a lucky few.

I can’t travel the way I want to. (My dream places are Mexico, Greece, Bora Bora and San Francisco – in that order). But maybe I can….

Take a class! Oh fuck. Yeah, that isn’t ideal. A fun class. I have narrowed it down to a sewing class or a jewelry making class. The class is from 6:30-9 once a week. (Hate those hours – it better be fun). The cost is about $250 with materials. Sigh. I’m leaning towards metal jewelry making for the winter semester since I used to do that years ago. And I’m obsessed with jewelry. I would love to take the beginner’s sewing class one day.

However, if I suck at this jewelry making class – I’m done with this creative BS. DONE. Maybe I’m just meant to enjoy the arts not make stuff. I can’t imagine what takes 8 weeks to learn*. I hope I get to make more than one piece for all that time i put it in. But this is METAL jewelry making. So it is probably pretty cool. They offer a lot of classes but if I start thinking – lol- I will never make a choice.

*After researching metal jewelry making a little more, I can see why a lot of time is needed. I’m nervous about using some of those tools.

I’m supposed to be saving money. No more feather earrings, that’s for sure. 🙂 Plus I am taking a “real” class next semester. The money is due the first week of December. Thank g-d, it is only 2 credits. And that’s not all. There is an exercise class I want to take too. It is at another place. It costs about $200. Ouch! ………..

But am I a work all week and on Mondays do jewelry making all evening and then on Thursday do yoga once a week for about 90 minutes and then have a “real class” to deal with type of person??? I’m a homebody. I’m not used to being out of the house that much. On the weekends, I’m not going to want to go anywhere if I do all that but I will have to work OT if it is available.

I’m trying to not focus on how much all this will cost. I’m working OT this weekend and on “Black Friday”. And no, I will not be in a store on that Friday. But shhhh! I will be on Amazon.com to see if Dexter season 3 goes on sale. I will die DIE if it is $10. I will be forced to buy it. 😉

I’m just rambling aloud. Is class after class the life I want? That may be the only way I can find my passion. I just hate that it costs so much. Others just know and don’t have to go through all this. But it is supposed to be FUN. And it might be. I don’t know.

Well I’m going to take a nap and then I have a ton of school work to do. I’m behind for the first time this semester. Ick.

negative nancies

I don’t care if people are negative about their own life or even the world. I remember when I was really into politics from age 17-25. Now I think all politicians are professional liars. They have to please their constituency…so unless they agree with everything the majority believes in, they are lying. A person can’t be a politician without being a liar. I actually feel bad for the “good” ones because they probably have a conscious. No, I don’t know who the good ones are. I do believe there are “good” ones though.

/end tangent. Okay so be negative about yourself, the world etc. But don’t try to bring ME down. That’s where I draw the line and do a journal entry. lol. WHY? Because no one knows the story but me. It’s my life, bitches! And you better be thankful not to have it. 😉

AVON didn’t work for you. FOR ME, it is about:

1. working on my social anxiety (hasn’t happened yet, loooooooong process). If I’m unwilling to work on this at work, then why not try to use Avon?? Maybe it will help me deal with rejection and meet contacts.

2. Doing something I like. I have moderate depression. It is nice to have an ACTIVE hobby. I have tons of passive hobbies.

3. The discounts. I have already gotten everything I want for myself. I probably won’t order anything for me for the next year. heh. I’m not really into makeup, fragrances or skin stuff and I tend to lose jewelry. I just ordered myself these awesome boots that would cost at least $70 at Victoria Secret from Mark. (same company as Avon). I do have to get my sister xmas gifts but I’m waiting until mid-October. She is soooooooo hard to shop for. I am so thankful for Avon and their discounts. Now every holiday she will get Avon and a $10 gift card. How easy is that?

Anyhow, that is why I’M doing it. Okay? It only cost 4.00 a month to keep your Avon account active but I bet they would suspend my account, if I were to order only 4.00 for 3 or 4 months straight. I do have to cut back. From Oct 1 on, I’m only spending $25 a month on Avon. Some months may be less but Xmas is coming and I want tons of Xmas brochures. MY issue is that I want to give people 5 samples with every brochure…which is probably absurd. Actually tonight I am taking back some samples from the packets I put together last night. That will cut down on spending. Btw, samples are only 1.00 for ten when it comes to fragrances. The skin stuff/lotion/make-up samples cost more.

Tomorrow I’m going to my dream downtown neighborhood. I so wanted to live in an apartment there before I found this house. College students live in some and the other apartments are filled with affluent people. Everyone is getting a dollar coupon (sarcastic WOW) and one or two samples. And hopefully I get a customer or two. I only live 3 minutes away from the apartments/condos. Some of the apartments have controlled access including one I took a tour of so I may not be able to get into some.

Then on Sunday, I’m going to the “projects” to hand out goody bags with actual products and coupons. Yes they can afford Avon. My only concern is, is there already a big time Avon seller there? Maybe but are they handing out coupons? These projects are in the suburbs and are the best “projects” around…even though there was one murder there over 15 years ago. I actually knew the guy. 😦 They never caught the person who did it. I think about him all the time.

Anyway, I have a customer at work. woohoo! I could have more but I don’t feel comfortable selling there. She says she LOVES Avon and will be a regular. I could hug her for life xoxoxo. heh.

The negative nancies are one of the reasons why I did not want to hand out brochures there. I work at a huge corporation but I don’t feel comfortable with them having my personal info. I don’t like them knowing my name! (Why didn’t my mom give me a middle name?) The other reason is the social anxiety. I deal better with strangers. Unfortunately Avon is easier to sell with people you “know”.

So sorry Avon didn’t work for you. 😦 You probably didn’t NEED it. I’m not doing this simply for the money. If I were outgoing maybe I could pull in $50 a month in this economy (excluding expenses). But I’m not outgoing so I’m coming up with creative ways to sell. It might have been a waste of money to you but this could be a life changer for me (re: getting out there). What they spend on eating out, I spend on my Avon hobby.

So hate on, haters. We all do things for different reasons. And if it were a way to get rich, then EVERYBODY would be doing it. Don’t hate on what you don’t know.

People at work also said I have OCD, no coping skills and I’m emotional. No shit. I’m not sure where they get the OCD thing from. It’s hidden you &%$*. As far as coping skills, anyone with a mental illness has to have coping skills. How did I get through college and get a full time job? It was hard. I did stuff others would never have to do or would do. However it is true, that I am bad at coping with some “little” things but they have to remember, they have FRIENDS and FAMILY to help them out. Support is everything. Try doing this shit on your own and call me back.

And yes I am happily emotional. I can hide happiness/excitement easily at work. But sadness, frustration and anger or much harder to hide. I wear my heart on my sleeve…not by choice.

Breaking News (from last week):

*******OH and I sold two handmade necklaces that I made 3 years ago at the flea market last weekend! More on that later. I have pics.***************

Thanks for making me blog you negative nancies!

What scares me

People…but that’s an everyday thing.

What scares me more than failing at selling Avon is ‘what will I do if Avon doesn’t work?’. Avon has become my life outside of work. I LOVE IT. It so exciting to have a new hobby. Nothing enjoyable has overtaken my life this much. (not including passive things like watching sports).

So if a lot of people are at the flea market and my stuff doesn’t sell, what do I do? Not give up. There is more than one flea market so giving up after one day would be foolish. I am worried about the # of people ) because last time I went, the # of buyers was lower than I’d ever seen (2 years ago).

I will probably have about 100-150 items (mostly lotion, skincare and jewelry). Some repeats but since I don’t know what people are willing to buy and for how much, I went for variety. I’m definitely going to only buy in the future things that sell.

I’m not too concerned with selling the inventory, I know I can find someone, somewhere to buy this stuff. Avon will take anything back in 30 days (yes used too) so the only thing I may send back is some makeup. I really wrestled with how much makeup to buy. I don’t know much about it. It doesn’t interest me. And I don’t know what colors are in. I was buying redish lipstick but then I noticed that a lot of people are wearing nudes, light pink and brown. ugh! I don’t even know how to apply lipstick! I will be wearing my SPF liquid foundation since I’m going to be in the sun for hours. More on that later…I’ll just say there is no way in hell I would wear that everyday!

What is so fun about Avon? Besides picking my own little store, I love that we get to see and buy the new products at a discount. I love putting goody bags together (brochures, samples, order forms etc.) That’s not it. I just love it. I’ve always wanted to have my own business. And this is something that could work for me. Thank God I love selling at flea markets. Last winter wasn’t too cold so maybe I can go into the 1st week of November selling. I plan on going to school regardless in January. So this money will go into a remodeling/stuff that I need to do savings fund.

I also love looking at remodeling books and shows but I get frustrated because of the cost so that is not a fun hobby…yet.

So if I lose Avon, do I lose my life? My joy? This has to work. This is what I’ve dreamed of. I will not give up easily…and I won’t keep going back to flea markets if people aren’t buying. I will probably be blogging about this a lot (when I’m not working 9-5 or Avon) because this is my life.

is it depression?

in college i was depressed. i didn’t know it at the time. now i have no motivation to clean…not that i like cleaning. it’s hard to explain. ever since i moved into my living room it has become a mess. the thing is, i think i know that cleaning my living room won’t make me ‘happy’.

i’m trying to find new hobbies besides reading and listening to music. i’m renting a hip hop dance/exercise dvd. i love to dance. i just can’t dance. i’m sorta excited to see if i can follow the dvd. i’ve never even tried structured dancing before. why not try at home instead of in front of people? 😉

i lack motivation. is it b/c of depression or is my work using all of my brain cells. i’m serious. yes i am sleeping a lot. when i awake (except for in the AM), i usually feel better about whatever happened that day.
i was so bitter when the steelers won the super bowl that i turned the channel. i completely forgot ‘the office’ was going to air after the game. i loved the bbc version of ‘the office’. the us version is hit or miss. it is definitely not appointment tv for me. i just figured that the show after the super bowl had to be good.