faux Christianity

Since they are mentioning stuff I blog about, I may as well blog to my coworkers. They mentioned the law today. (re: my entry titled “All is well?”) so here is an open rant to you all.

Where do I begin? The faux Christianity? How calling someone crazy at work is harassment (LOOK IT UP!)?

How can someone call themselves a Christian when they do things daily to irritate people? I know America is full of faux Christians but these people are evangelical Christians. They go to church and preach to others. That isn’t “my parents are Christian so uh, I guess I am but I don’t pray or go to church or know much about Jesus Christ or the bible”. Oops, did I go there? I sorta get those people because they don’t preach and they are everywhere.  I don’t judge them because they don’t go on about how others need Christ. Blah blah.

I just don’t understand how someone can publicly preach at work and then intentionally try to piss a person off? How is that Christian? It is faux Christianity. It is the height of hypocrisy. And then they say, “God knows my heart.” Well I’m not god (gasp!) and I can know part of your heart enjoys pissing people off. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFHHHHHHHHHHHHH. God knows your intentions. That we can agree on.

At work one of the evangelical Christians said, “It is easy to NOT be Christian.” ROFL. Are they fucking serious? Christianity to me seems like the easiest religion ever. All you have to do is get baptized and ask for forgiveness every time you shit on someone. Oh, that is sooooooooooo hard. And you have to choose which part of the bible you believe. (Being gay is wrong, nothing is wrong with gossiping. Hmm, is slavery okay? Etc.)

She was trying to say by not being Christian, you can do drugs etc without thinking about it. I’m not a Christian. I don’t have pre-martial sex (lol), drink alcohol, do drugs or intentionally piss people off. When I do something wrong, I don’t ask a God forgiveness I feel horrible and ashamed.  I have no problems with people being Christian but now I understand why some have such a negative view of it. Before these two, I thought who cares if someone wants to believe in Jesus. It has nothing to do with me. But hearing this lame crap every day, UGH. I now am leery of Christianity . I understand why some atheists get so pissed at them. I’m only mad at these two at work. Lol. Otherwise I don’t care. Well I don’t like the mix of church and state.

This isn’t a bash Christianity post. If you think so, read it again. j/k. I had to get this out. I’m so frustrated by stuff going on at work.

PS.

Did I mention that repeatedly calling someone crazy and psycho can get your ass fired?! Ask a lawyer. Or read your ethics manual. Now I wish I had reported them. But they know, they no longer do it out loud after doing it daily. So someone got to them or they read the harassment rules. Too bad someone has to tell these Christians, not to call someone crazy. I wanna be Christian. It would make my life so much easier.

All is well?

The  power went out @ 2am. There was a car accident two blocks away.  It was and still is freezing in my house. I think the power came back on around 10am (the power company left me a voicemail). I assumed that my heater would come back on when the power did. I thought I would be coming back to a somewhat warm house. NO. I was so worried about my kitty. She felt as cold as the house this morning.  My mom is not impressed with this little story. She went without heat for 5-6 days a couple of weeks ago. Who can blame me for being concerned about my cat? Even though she bit me Sunday night….grrr!

It is sleeting right now. I hope people won’t be driving tonight. I’ve lived in Virginia for quite a while. And we have never had this much snow. And it isn’t over. A woman from Jersey said “In New Jersey, these would have been clean and in much better shape.” See, that is the difference between snow up north and here. They expect it and prepare. We don’t. Sue me, I hate driving on ice. What a concept!

I have to do an hour or maybe 30 minutes (ha) of cleaning. Due to the weather, I haven’t had a chance to go to any stores. It is probably better this way. The last thing I need to do is buy random storage.

At work I got a good review. I’m self motivated (yep!) and dedicated (yep!) but I wanted a ‘works well unsupervised’. Did not get that. I’m used to getting that one because I do! Honestly, I wasn’t expecting her to say anything as good as she said.  Those compliments have no effort on the actual review. But even then, I did better than last year. The only reason why I got a higher than average review, is due to lack of my mistakes being caught. Where I work mistakes happen so I know I made some but I was lucky not to get caught.

I just have to keep it up. Oh, the ‘bad’ stuff. “Build relationships with coworkers”. ROFL. #1 Do I have a relationsip with anyone? #2  Um, these people have called me crazy since day one. I sat crying at my desk on the first day. It was brutal. It was K’s last day so she was happy go lucky. She held nothing back. They had obviously been talking about me prior to my first day. (I transferred from another department). I get that but to talk about me like that when I was sitting right there. LOL. That is not a good memory.

“I would talk to them but they have been calling me crazy since day one so….” I really wanted to say that. Btw, that is harassment and in some cases discrimination. I’ll just settle for harassment. It lasted for a year. Within the past 3 months, they have gotten word somehow that calling some crazy can lose your job….Otherwise why would they stop on their own. I was about to contact HR last week but without them using the “C” word out loud, what do I have? So unless something else happens the reporting it thing is done. I should have done it when it was happening daily. According to a lawyer, they probably would have gotten fired…

WHICH WAS NOT MY GOAL. I JUST WANTED THE HARRASSMENT TO STOP! So now they do subtle things. Things that can’t be reported. I missed my chance. What does this mean? Was this meant to be? I had a chance to stand up for myself but I didn’t. I’m not a tattle-tale. I hate tattle-tales. If it weren’t for the subtle shit they do, I would say “All is well that ends well” but things are not well….

I have to do unclutter my life. What fun!

shattered

I am going to post this many places. I would even post in on my anonymous myspace account if my dad didn’t have the address. I don’t really want to list all the bad things that have happened recently…except the work stuff. Oh, and I’m not fishing for comments. The only thing I want to hear is, “You’re delusional”, and if you said that I would not believe you.

With all that being said, I’ve never had coworkers try to get me fired. Of course there is one ring leader. It isn’t like the other people would actively try. She is a leader. People follow her. She can persuade people so easily. Her name is Deborah. If I get axed I might use her full name. (JOKING -um am I?)

So there are going to be secret meetings going on. If it WERE NOT AT ALL ABOUT ME, I would have gotten an email. D despises me. I think she is afraid of me but she would never admit it and maybe that is why she wants me gone. She has alluded to me being a serial killer. She isn’t afraid in a “she’s going to beat me up” way. I think she thinks one day I will go off on them after all their harassment. Bullying isn’t the right word. Teasing? Well maybe but that sounds way to 4th grade. Gossiping? Yes of course but that isn’t the harassing part.

Even if D didn’t want to talk to me, as I said above the regular protocol is to send an email to everyone with a “respond back if you are interested”. At first I thought they were doing something fun and I thought, “Well I know they wouldn’t invite me.” after all I would say no. And yes some people (J and C) have invited me places much to D’s chagrin. I went out with C because it was one on one. I am horrible in groups.

In order for this to happen – the meeting(s), it would have to be approve by the manager so she knows. This doesn’t shock me at all. D gets her way (due to her persuasiveness – she isn’t charming). From the outside looking in, you would think she’s been there for at least 5 years like her peers. But no, she only has been there for 3! I’ve been at the company longer but in another department.

In summary, D and practically everyone is keeping notes on things I do or have done. D has been doing this all along. That is one reason why I have a huge problem forgiving her. How can I forgive someone in my heart if they are continuing to do the same thing? The first sentence of this paragraph is speculation. I’ve heard bits and pieces. Today D told someone to write whatever she wanted to discuss down. So I know something is going on.

Who made D boss? Like I’ve said in previous entries she has made me lose acquaintances. Yes, I tried to get one back. The other I no longer see so…

Things I have done:

*Smirked when I knew they were purposely trying to get on my nerves. When it first started, I didn’t think they could see my facial expressions but boy, did I find out fast that yes they can. And this gets on my nerves. Smirking/smiling can annoy people. I thought I had facial privacy I don’t.

*Make calls in the conference room. Sometimes I can go weeks without having to make a call, It just depends on what I’m working on. For the past 30 days, I have to make at least 2 calls a week. Yes I’m shy and I talk much better when I’m alone in the room. The calls only last 5 minutes and I used to do make them on my lunch break but I’ve realized they have no loyalty to me so why should I use my break to make phone calls.

I saw NOTHING wrong with this…besides it being weird but D made a point I never thought of, my phone calls aren’t being recorded!! First, I never knew they were being recorded by our company. I don’t work in a call center so this is the first time that I have even realized it is wrong. I bet D had to think a LONG time to make that one look bad. She used to tell people I would never make calls but HELLO, I was doing it in the quiet lobby on my freakin lunch break!!!

*threw my notebook down 2 times on the lobby floor (detailed on my paper thoughts journal). Only one person saw me. I’d never seen him before. I assume he is a work at homer in for training or he could easily work on another floor. We have over 1000 people where I work. But people in this area I usually know.

So smirking/smiling is probably the thing that bugs them most but I’ve heard this was supposed to be a good thing. Smile when someone is doing something annoying. It changes your energy BUT NOT WHEN PEOPLE STARE IN YOUR FACE. Have they heard Mariah’s “Up Out My Face”? That is my new theme song btw because ‘when I break, I break.’

I have things they have done. I need to start keeping records. About 10 days ago, D called me “psycho woman”. There is also the religion thing but they know not to use my name so it is hard to prove stuff. I will bring up the psycho woman thing to my manager if they have this meeting…and I don’t get axed. Assuming I have the chance to defend myself. M mentioned how I don’t like talking on the phone. Well that is true. I’m much better when no one is around. I can’t even wrap my mind around them thinking I’m doing this on purpose! I’m starting to feel bad and I didn’t do intend to do anything.

(intention is everything to me and some religion, to these people – maybe not)

I just had to get this out. I’m going to write more in my paper journal but I’ve been trying to do that and I just keep repeating myself. “Why can’t I show my compassionate side around others?” It always leads back to not being nice to coworkers when I know why I’m not. I think…

So tomorrow, I’m going to go in with a few Buddhism quotes from the ‘bible’ and maybe some Wayne Dyer quotes.

It just feels like I’m sinking because EVERYTHING I DO IS BEING USED AGAINST ME. I don’t expect ppl to like me or think I’m sweet. When there is a D at your work place (something I’ve never encountered – watch out). They can and will use everything against you…even if you think/know you are innocent!

May the universe bless you.