here’s to never growing up

toby and ezra
toby and ezra

My guinea pigs are so spoiled. Well not compared to the guinea pigs on youtube. They have bigger cages and more toys. That’s why I don’t allow my pigs to watch youtube. Anyway, I’m happy to find out the local pet store is cheaper than Wal-Mart and Petsmart. I had to go there on Tuesday because I ran out of hay. What a pleasant surprise. I wanted to buy everything! Self control…

The guinea pigs are doing well. I can tell their whistles apart. They are sweet and I love them. Awww. /end softness

No chest pains since my last entry. YAY. I thought the pain was back for good. Going wheat free and NFL free at the same time was not a good idea. Why won’t other people stop watching their favorite sport despite steroids, injuries or whatever? Because it is a part of our identity. We identify as a Ravens fan or a football fan. How do you give up a part of yourself? My therapist would not think me giving up football is a good idea. She doesn’t know yet because I don’t see her often. More about this later.

As far as going wheat free, it is so much easier when you live alone and you aren’t going out to eat. But on Saturday I’m running errands with my mom. Hopefully she won’t want to stop to eat because I can’t each much of anything at her favorite places.


I finally put my foot down: No more selling Avon! Thank Buddha. Well I am still selling until the end of September. I cannot wait to call and tell them to shove it! If they ask why I’m quitting I’ll just say because of the new-ish minimum order rule. (It’s been there for over a year) But what I really want to say is because of their horrible service. I have been charged the wrong price for things so many times (always more). They don’t send free gifts when they are supposed to. Items are on back order way too often. etc. etc.

I’m so done. Plus I’m not meant to be an Avon rep.  If my customers understood that I am losing money every month and not making any, maybe they would act differently. They aren’t horrible but considering I’m doing it for free…ARGH! So done. Over it. I have wanted to quit for a while but I didn’t really want to let them down. Then one customer changed her mind about something she ordered and that was it! 😉 ha.


Music for the week: Jessica Mauboy, Janelle Monáe,  John Mayer,  John Legend, Tara MacLean, Jaheim, Ariana Grande, Jillette Johnson, The Civil Wars, Phillip Phillips, Keith Urban, Sheryl Crow

I forgot that so much new music comes out this time of year. I love it! 🙂

TV for the week: Grey’s Anatomy (I’m Christina minus the marriage part and the career ambition), Big Brother 15 , US Open

Movie of the week:  none

Books of the weekBully: A True Story Of High School Revenge by Jim Schutze,  Five Days at Memorial Life and Death in a Storm-Ravaged Hospital by Sheri Fink

Goals for next week: I’m off for three days next week! Halleluiah! I will spend one of those days working off the clock. Well I hope it isn’t ALL day. I need to clean up, mow the lawn, put my closet rack together and other boring things. I would love to go to the gym on a weekday morning. I’ve had a $10 Macy’s gift card since December. Maybe I will use that. Macy’s is my favorite store but I rarely go because it is not the cheapest place to shop and I don’t need anything there. I can always go somewhere cheaper (Ross) to get stuff I may need/want. I could use towels and/or kitchen stuff.

I just meant to post “weekly” but I have a lot of things I want to blog about. Until next time. Thanks for reading!

Ain’t nobody looking for me

Correction: I’m going wheat free, not just gluten free.

I know I said I wouldn’t buy any “gluten free” foods but I forgot I already eat gluten free protein bars. And I decided to try a gluten free and wheat free cereal because it was on sale. I’m not a cereal person but if I’m going wheat free, I want options. I’m geekily excited about this cereal.  (The name is Nature’s Path Organic Sunrise Crunchy Maple cereal). I hope it doesn’t disappoint.  I’m officially going 100% gluten/wheat free on September 1. I still have some food to get rid of. I’m giving some food away but some food I want to eat.  This week I’ll be going 100% wheat free on some days and on some days I’ll be naughty during breakfast. I’m going grocery shopping tomorrow for food for the next 3 weeks. No wheat or gluten foods!!!  I will do a post on my wheat free meal plan in a couple of weeks.

The hard part will be when I have to go back into the office for two weeks. I don’t know exactly when this will be. Probably in September. Anyway, I have the hardest time with eating while I’m there. I’ll probably be consuming protein bars. Oh and I’m so glad the big can of protein shake I have is gluten/wheat free. Whew! I thought I was going to have to sell that at a flea market. 😉

I’m not doing this just to lose weight. I’m doing it to become sane. Will it get rid of my PTSD/panic attacks? That would be awesome. Of course I’m not really in the environment that caused the panic attacks so it may be hard to tell. If it helps others with autism and schizophrenia, it may help me with something.

I don’t know if I’m allergic to wheat. My stomach almost always hurts or feels funny. That is normal for me. Growing up I was lactose intolerant (and probably still am) and I was always having stomach issues. Obviously something isn’t right. It could be IBS or just high anxiety. I don’t know.

Warning: I will be blogging about going wheat free a lot.


While on the topic of foods, here are my guinea pigs favorite foods (in order) :

1. parsley/grass (tied)

2. lettuce

3. carrots

I should eat more like them. Of course they always have their hay and pellets. They don’t love cucumbers but they will eat them. They are not crazy over strawberries. I ended up eating most of those myself. For breakfast they get lettuce, hay and pellets. Dinner is carrots, cucumbers, and hay. The nighttime snack is parsley.



Music for the week: Chante Moore, John Mayer, The Civil Wars, Selena Gomez, Jillette Johnson, Casey Abrams, Dia Frampton, Tara MacLean

TV for the week: Grey’s Anatomy (back to season 1), Big Brother 15 (It would be a spoiler if I mentioned who the new HOH is but I am so thrilled with who won!)

Movie of the week:  Titanic

Books of the week: Wheat Belly: Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back to Health by William Davis & The Virgins by Pamela Erens

Goals for next week: focus on becoming wheat free. Come up with some sort of meal plan. Volunteer at the animal shelter (scary!). Continue going to the gym.

I had two stress free days at work (today and yesterday). It is amazing how much more I enjoy everything when I don’t have the pressure of work. It used to be like this all the time. That is when I enjoyed my job. Now…not so much. I loved these past two days though. I could breathe.

I’m going to go and have a wheat free dinner. 🙂

Losing sleep

(Guinea pig update at the bottom of this post).

I told my family I wasn’t getting married until I was 85…now it looks like that isn’t going to happen. By the way, I told them that when I was about 7 or 8 years old.  They thought it was hilarious. I always knew. I think 85 meant never.

Today I did two one hour classes at the gym back to back because I’m nuts a badass. I did weightlifting first and then I did Body Step. Overall it went okay. Body Step is  tough for people who are uncoordinated. This was only my second attempt.  The class is supposed to burn 600 calories. I probably burned about 350 because I couldn’t keep up. I don’t know why I’m bothering with exercising. Before the classes I got on the scale and it was not a pretty sight. I’m up to 136!!!!!! FUCK. I can’t win. I gave up last week. And I’m giving up again. If I hit 140, I’m plucking out my eyeballs. :/   I only eat twice a day. (is that the problem? heh). Whatevs. Just don’t let me hit 140. This isn’t a vanity thing. I don’t shave my legs*. I don’t wear makeup. It has nothing to do with looks. I’m not trying to impress ANYBODY. I’m just in mourning over my old weight. 😦 I can’t except what is.

*Yes I get lots of stares when I wear capris. I’m too “shy” to wear shorts. If I get looks for capris, imagine the stares I would get if I wore short shorts.  You should see the looks. They look at my legs and then it is like they are trying to see whether I’m really a female because they always look at my hair next. I think some people think I’m transgendered because no female would ever go out without shaving her legs. THE HORROR! I don’t shave because it is too time consuming and it just grows back so what’s the point? And if men don’t shave, why should I have to? I don’t have to so I don’t. I hate the stares though. Grrr!


I have better pics of the pigs and a video so I have to post them!

guinea pig

My guinea pigs are doing great. I think. I can’t wait to be able to give them free time. I let my last guinea pig go free in a whole room but that won’t happen where I live now. I’m planning on buying a gate and they can go free within that. They don’t whistle (aka wheeking). But they do popcorn (aka jump) like crazy. Ezra is outgoing and a ham for the camera. He also likes to show he is the dominate pig. Toby is easygoing and maybe a little shy.

guinea pig
the Tobster

I swear I won’t mention them in every post. 😉

I’m the only one left in Neverland

Meet Toby and Ezra!

toby & ezra
toby & ezra



There they are. I’m kinda bummed that they won’t eat carrots or cucumbers. That is all my first guinea pig would eat! The only veggies they will eat is lettuce. I might try again but they don’t seem interested. They get so excited for lettuce and hay though. Oh I just checked again. One of them dragged the carrot and cucumber to their hiding spot. Maybe they will eat later? I just don’t want it to ruin in the cage. #GuineaPigProblems Edited to add: They finally ate the carrots. They have probably never had it before.


Music for the week:  Kinky Boots soundtrack , KT Tunstall, The Civil Wars,  Robin Thicke,  Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Sara Bareillis, Jillette Johnson

TV for the week: Dexter, Big Brother 15 (horrible season so far), Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Orange is the New Black (only four eps in…not really loving it but will probably finish it).

Movie of the week: none

Books of the weekReconstructing Amelia by Kimberly McCreight and American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld and Cruise Vacations for Dummies (I used to be anti-cruise but now I realize that may be the only way I see the best of Greece) **WAIT! I just got to this sentence: “If you don’t like to be around other people, you’re better off rethinking a cruise vacation“. ROFL. Well, thanks for the heads up on page 16. Brought this book for nothing. Oh well it only cost me 75 cents at a thrift store. 🙂

Goals for next week: Where do I begin? Don’t spend $$ unnecessarily. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week. Eat healthier.  High productivity at work. The problem with work is that you can be productive but it doesn’t show you are being productive ifyouknowwhatImean. That’s FRUSTRATING!

I think I’m done with trying to lose weight. At my last weigh in, I was 135. 😦 I’m done. I think Abilify (the miracle drug) made me gain 20lbs over the past three years. I might be going off Abilify in  about 2 months. I’m not sure about it….I’ve been depressed for over a decade. Why should I stop taking something that works just because that’s the norm? Is my situation normal?  I may stop taking it and see what happens. I can start taking again if necessary.

I’m still going to the gym. I LOVE the weight lifting class. I do that once a week. I need to get back into water fitness. I have only gone once since I joined the gym last month. Heh. The teacher is so hardcore. She scares me. But it’s worth it because I love the water. I might go to yoga tomorrow since the gym at work will be closed for maintenance.

Always be my cavy

I wish I had pics of the guinea pigs for this post. 😦 I could have easily taken pics before I put them in their cage but I wanted to get them out of the cardboard ASAP.  Here is their home:

guinea pig cage
their home

Believe it or not that is a home for a rabbit! I don’t think a rabbit would be happy in that. Honestly, it is probably too small for two guinea pigs. I brought them matching beds but I had to take one out so they would have more room. Here is an overview of the cage:

Let me backtrack: I brought two guinea pigs yesterday from a pet store (*gasp – not a pet store!*). I’ve been thinking about it for a few months. I did have a guinea pig a while ago. She lived to be about 7. I got her from a different pet store. This time I brought two males because all they had were males. Their names are Toby (black and white) and Ezra (brown, white & black).

I didn’t really want two but I have learned that guinea pigs shouldn’t be kept solo. Although my last guinea pig seemed fine by herself. Right now two seems like a good idea. They are scared of me. It is probably best to be scared with a mate. Ezra is coming around slowly. Toby is going to need more time.

I can’t wait to go grocery shopping this weekend so I can buy them some vegetables: carrots, cucumbers and romaine lettuce. All I have in the fridge is frozen spinach and rotten cherry tomatoes. For now they just have hay and pellets.  I’m scared to give them grass around here because I don’t know what’s been sprayed on it. I might steal some from my mom’s house this weekend. 🙂

I just figured since I didn’t have to pay rent for two places this month, why not treat myself to something? I also considered that I won’t be traveling for more than a few days for the next 5+ years. So that won’t be a problem.

I wish I had photos to share. They are extra cute. 😉 Ugh, I just noticed that Ezra is chasing Toby around. I’ve never had two guinea pigs so I don’t know how normal this is. I yelled “Hey Toby and Ezra, quit it!” and they stopped…for now.

I will have pics one day.

Edited to add: woohoo! I got some great pics. Will share them soon.