I’m caught up and I’m hanging on

(I typed this entry yesterday but couldn’t post it because my power went out for 7 hours!)

Merry March Madness!! It is my favorite time of the year. I have Thursday and Friday off. I have chores/errands in the morning and then I’m watching basketball all day and night. I’ve been lucky enough to get those days off ever since I started working where I work. Happy almost spring too! (my fave season)

Maybe I won’t be selling on Etsy after all. I’m going with Cafe Press for now. Right now I have 100+ items listed. (!!!) That sounds like a lot but it isn’t really. That is normal for a beginner. I think I’m going to have to get my paint out to make any money. But maybe I will get lucky. At least this is something I can work on NOW. The competition on the site is unreal. Yeah, I dunno. This may not work. I won’t take off what I have now but I doubt I add anymore effort to it.

I should just sell at flea markets once or twice a month. Ding. Ding. Ding. Then I won’t have to deal with shipping but there are drawbacks to everything…like people not wanting to pay full price at flea markets.

B @ the park
B @ the park

I took my dog to the park today during my lunch break. It went okay.  He seemed to LOVE it. He didn’t want to get back in the car to go home. I had to beg. (He knows I won’t pick him up). We only stayed there for about 25 minutes. I’m wondering if it is worth going during lunch. I didn’t get a lot of exercise. I probably walked a mile. So I don’t know if I will do this trip weekly like I’d planned. It was near 70 degrees. It is going to be only 50 on Thursday. That is why I changed the dates.   Btw, I go during lunch to avoid the crowds

 

park near my house
park near my house

See how dreary this park is? But it is the only park that isn’t a “dog park” that allows dogs. Plus it is so close to where I live so I’m thankful for it. I’m going to the pretty parks by myself on my vacation in July. No big plans for that vacation time.

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Eventually there will be no football…probably not in my lifetime. Players like Chris Borland see the light. His life isn’t worth the millions or love of the game. (Not that all football players in the NFL make millions). How much more proof do people need? These guys are damaging their minds and for what? Okay, money and love for the game. But it is worth it? I’m glad Borland gets it. Now we just need a few hundred more to get it. As long as people watch it and there is money involved there will always be players. To stop watching seems to be the only solution (which is what I did in 2013).

Just say no to football.

I can’t pretend anymore

I have a problem. Anyone reading this is probably saying, “no shit”. Anyway, at night time all of my anxiety goes away…unless people (or noise) is around. That sounds like a good thing, right? But a little anxiety is good for you. I participated in small business Saturday without meaning to. WTF was I thinking? I “only” spent $34 but that money could go to a lot of things.

At night, I’m free. I’m not as anxious about money as I am during the day. KEEP ME AWAY from online stores at night. I usually don’t have that problem because I’m not usually surfing the net at night. But when I do…trouble! Sigh. What did I buy? Knitting stuff, of course. Knitting is getting me into all sorts of trouble. I’d rather knit than study. I’m spending waaaaay too much money on it and I’m not even buying the expensive yarn.

I need an intervention but no one is going to do one. LOL. So I must do it myself. I just spend money and then feel guilty. 😦 I will stop because I do hate debt and I like having a savings…but sometimes when I make extra money, things get a little nuts. This knitting obsession has to go away eventually. ?? I don’t know. I feel like I have accomplished something when I knit (or read, or study or DO anything). But knitting can cost money. However, it does not have to be expensive. AT ALL.

With all this being said, I will post pics of my new stuff on the blog. Cause it pertains to knitting and I’m excited about it. I love this stuff…help me!

In knitting news, I finished my chunky scarf (yay!) and I made progress on my afghan. Pics coming later this week.

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Spin class: I went back for the 3rd time. I’m finally getting the hang of it. Some of the instructor’s snarky comments are getting on my nerves though. Look woman, I’m new at this (and she knows this). You are an instructor. You are supposed to be excellent at it. BUT I’m trying this new thing of not giving a shit about what other people think or say. Step #1: Go to spin class. Do it wrong. Who cares? I’m still burning calories and sweating. That’s the point.  I’ve never even been on a real bike! Whatevs. Just keep spinning.

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Missing Ohio State football player found dead. He committed suicide. He also had a history of concussions. Please consider not supporting football until the NFL and NCAA do the right thing. (I don’t even know what the right thing is at this point. Perhaps football is just too violent).

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I meant to post the following in my last post but I could not find it. I was googling “Brian Williams”. His name is Benjamin Watson. Anyhow, this is almost exactly how I feel about Ferguson.

At some point while I was playing or preparing to play Monday Night Football, the news broke about the Ferguson Decision. After trying to figure out how I felt, I decided to write it down. Here are my thoughts:

I’M ANGRY because the stories of injustice that have been passed down for generations seem to be continuing before our very eyes.

I’M FRUSTRATED, because pop culture, music and movies glorify these types of police citizen altercations and promote an invincible attitude that continues to get young men killed in real life, away from safety movie sets and music studios.

I’M FEARFUL because in the back of my mind I know that although I’m a law abiding citizen I could still be looked upon as a “threat” to those who don’t know me. So I will continue to have to go the extra mile to earn the benefit of the doubt.

I’M EMBARRASSED because the looting, violent protests, and law breaking only confirm, and in the minds of many, validate, the stereotypes and thus the inferior treatment.

I’M SAD, because another young life was lost from his family, the racial divide has widened, a community is in shambles, accusations, insensitivity hurt and hatred are boiling over, and we may never know the truth about what happened that day.

I’M SYMPATHETIC, because I wasn’t there so I don’t know exactly what happened. Maybe Darren Wilson acted within his rights and duty as an officer of the law and killed Michael Brown in self defense like any of us would in the circumstance. Now he has to fear the backlash against himself and his loved ones when he was only doing his job. What a horrible thing to endure. OR maybe he provoked Michael and ignited the series of events that led to him eventually murdering the young man to prove a point.

I’M OFFENDED, because of the insulting comments I’ve seen that are not only insensitive but dismissive to the painful experiences of others.

I’M CONFUSED, because I don’t know why it’s so hard to obey a policeman. You will not win!!! And I don’t know why some policeman (sic) abuse their power. Power is a responsibility, not a weapon to brandish and lord over the populace.

I’M INTROSPECTIVE, because sometimes I want to take “our” side without looking at the facts in situations like these. Sometimes I feel like it’s us against them. Sometimes I’m just as prejudiced as people I point fingers at. And that’s not right. How can I look at white skin and make assumptions but not want assumptions made about me? That’s not right.

I’M HOPELESS, because I’ve lived long enough to expect things like this to continue to happen. I’m not surprised and at some point my little children are going to inherit the weight of being a minority and all that it entails.

I’M HOPEFUL, because I know that while we still have race issues in America, we enjoy a much different normal than those of our parents and grandparents. I see it in my personal relationships with teammates, friends and mentors. And it’s a beautiful thing.

I’M ENCOURAGED, because ultimately the problem is not a SKIN problem, it is a SIN problem. SIN is the reason we rebel against authority. SIN is the reason we abuse our authority. SIN is the reason we are racist, prejudiced and lie to cover for our own. SIN is the reason we riot, loot and burn. BUT I’M ENCOURAGED because God has provided a solution for sin through the his son Jesus and with it, a transformed heart and mind. One that’s capable of looking past the outward and seeing what’s truly important in every human being. The cure for the Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice and Eric Garner tragedies is not education or exposure. It’s the Gospel. So, finally, I’M ENCOURAGED because the Gospel gives mankind hope.

The only thing I don’t agree with is the whole last paragraph. I guess he is a Christian. But I thought I would post the whole thing. These are my last words on the issue. He said what I wanted to say much more eloquently.

Something in the Water

Three high school football players died this week. How can I justify watching college football when kids are dying in high school? I can’t. I’m done with both pro and college football. I will miss football Saturday but it isn’t worth it. I know better. I knew better than to start watching it again but I justified it because I missed it. No more of that. I’m done.

Onto lighter subjects….

Vegas in 10 days

Look at my mostly packed suitcase:

are we there yet?
are we there yet?

It is so tiny.  I don’t want to check any luggage so I’m taking my small carry on. I also have a huge purse. I am buying gifts for family and I’m a little concerned about space for those items. I’m not planning on buying much for me. My budget will probably go towards food. 😉 I sooo can’t wait. I have been working 6 days a week ALL of September (including Labor Day) so I want a break NOW. Well Thursday and Friday were pretty decent. I didn’t feel as stressed out and I got a lot accomplished. Hopefully next week goes smoothly and then….a week off in Vegas. Yes!

I have typed out a revised itinerary on my kindle. Don’t worry, I won’t share it here but I did include more downtime. I think I will need it.

Weekly

Music for the week: Ariana Grande, Mary J. Blige, Britney Spears, Ellie Goulding, Melissa Etheridge, Lori Mckenna, India.Arie, Patty Griffin

I made a playlist with Patty Griffin and Lori McKenna. I can’t tell the difference between them. I’m probably late to this observation…The new Melissa Etheridge is worth a listen if you are a fan.

TV for the week: Big Brother Australia

I am already hooked on this show! Buddha help me. My faves are Cat and Katie. 🙂

Movies of the week: I have to amp myself up to watch a movie these days. Nothing this week.

Books of the week:  I finished Devil’s Knot: The True Story of the West Memphis Three by Mara Leveritt. Not only were the police corrupt (I expect that) but the judge was unbelievable. I have never read about a trial like this and I read true crime all the time. It sickens me that the real murderer got away with this crime. The police need to reopen the case as a cold case.

I’m taking one or two real books AKA paper books with me on the plane. I can’t decide between  two books. If I have room, I’m taking both. My options are Still Alice by Lisa Genova  and Beyond Belief: My secret Life Inside Scientology and My Harrowing Escape by Jenna Hill  & Lisa Pulitzer. Both are kind of heavy books but I know I will enjoy both. Still Alice will be hard to read because my grandmother currently has Alzheimer’s.

On my Kindle, I have a bunch of books I haven’t read yet. I’m not excited about any of those books so I will probably stick to 3D books.

Knitting projects of the week: This shawl will kill me. The more rows I add, the longer it takes to complete. This thing is driving me nuts. I spent more time reading then knitting this week so not much progress.

 

shawl
shawl

Goals for the weekend: Saturday will be busy. I’m working from 5AM – 10AM. Then I have to take my dog to her “spa” appointment. (I’m not paying for it). Then errands, errands, errands. Hopefully on Sunday I can stay in. Goals? Cook for the week. Clean up. Rest, relax. Fuck it. 😉

La La La

“You don’t have a bubbly personality”.

Understatement of the year

No, I’m not fond of people and I don’t talk. I guess that makes me un-bubbly. Ha! I have never heard anyone say it quite like that. A coworker said that btw. This came up because they are giving me more responsibilities at work. If they only knew that I was waking up at 5AM and staying late to do my ordinary work. How the hell am I supposed to do more? Sally says, “Stop bitching and be grateful you have a job”.

Another thing about work or people in general: I hate when they get pissed because they didn’t think of something. Let me put it this way: I am the queen of avoidance. So I will come up with things others would never think of to avoid something I don’t like (like people). Then other people see it was a great idea and they get mad because they didn’t come up with it. And then it is my fault. Sigh. People. Gotta deal with them.

More randomness: I started a Pinterest board with people I admire. It isn’t done but those are the first people I came up with. I was extremely nervous to include “online personalities” on there but I did anyway. Hopefully they will never see it. 😉

Interesting how people are calling for a NFL boycott. I boycotted pro football over a year ago but not for the reasons people are doing it now.  I boycotted due to the concussions/injuries the players were/are getting. The domestic violence arrests are nothing new. Not to make light of domestic violence…just stating a fact.

Oh yeah I was supposed to do my juice cleanse on Sunday. It started out okay. I got up at 8AM. I juiced. At 1PM, I ate dinner. LOL. I wasn’t hungry. I was drinking organic apple juice and water but I desperately wanted caffeine. (I can’t drink most caffeinated items on an empty stomach. I’ll get nauseous or sick). I got up, did some stuff and easily went right back to sleep. I need my caffeine. I just said fuck it and had food with and a caffeinated beverage.

The one thing I did learn is that I’m not hungry much. I just eat because I’m supposed to or I’m bored.  I only eat twice a day (3 times if you count protein bars). I also have to stop sleeping so much. I’m always tired unless I have caffeine. I’m depending on it way too much. If I don’t have it, I’m in bed. More on this later.

Gotta go.

Just a quick, random entry.

 

At least I’m being honest

What 3 day weekend? I’m working half days on Saturday and Monday. The good thing is that I get paid for this! 🙂 The temp agency called. HOWEVER, she wanted me to interview for a full-time job. Ahhh! No, I don’t want to leave my full time job (unless it is something in my field)…not right now anyway. And I bet the pay is lower. But I didn’t ask. At least she hasn’t forgotten I exist. yay.

shoes for foot pain
shoes for foot pain

woohoo! I got my new shoes. I like. I can’t review them since they are still new to me. They are heavier than my lightweight Skechers I’ve been wearing for 4+ years. It will take a while to get used to heavier shoes. I’m sick of my foot pain affecting my vacations (New York and Mexico especially). I probably need foot surgery but that won’t be happening.

It looks like I will be starting my NO RED MEAT week on this Monday. I’m 80% sure I will never eat red meat again after Monday. But I don’t know….#FearOfCommitment

What is Saturday? The official start of college football. I boycotted ALL football last year. Now I’m rethinking it. I won’t watch the NFL this year but I’m thinking of watching college football on Saturday just to see how it feels. I may be completely over it. We’ll see. Btw, nothing has really changed. I can’t believe we find something that can end someone’s life as entertainment. I count suicides in the stats. Perhaps knowing that it is just college ball is a little bit more comforting. Most of these players will not go on to the NFL. They won’t have to deal with all the mental and physical injuries. It might seem like I’m rationalizing  but college football seems more pure.

It will be interesting to watch college football after not following for a full year. I feel like I don’t know anyone or anything. I don’t know coaches, players or the story lines. I’m so out of the loop.

Weekly

Music for the week:  Ariana Grande, Ellie Goulding, The War on Drugs, Mariah Carey,Heather Nova, Miranda Lambert,  Ed Sheeran, Angel Olsen

TV for the week: Big Brother, The Killing, Daily Show, Colbert Report

What is really messed up is that a white person has to speak out on the privilege of whiteness for people to semi-hear it. No one wants to hear a person of color talk about race. Jon Stewart? “I’ll listen but whatever. We all have problems” ::rolls eyes:: My favorite part was “You are tired of hearing about it (race) then try fucking living with it” (paraphrased).

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: Too many to mention. The two vegetarian books I mentioned in my last entry plus:

The Goldfinch by Donna Tart (just started)

Everything Vegetarian Slow Cooker Cookbook (will be trying out these recipes during ‘no red meat’ week. I love using my slow cooker. I hate cooking.)

Under 15 minutes Vegetarian Quick and Easy recipes (the recipes for kids are what I’ll be trying. lol. good ideas. I definitely recommend this book).

Knitting projects of the week: I only worked on my shawl this week. Not much improvement from the last pic I shared so no pics this week. Pics next week if I’m still blogging. Yep, I’m thinking of taking a break. I don’t have comments turned on* so no I am not fishing for “PLEASE STAY!!!111!!!”. Besides no one would say that. 😉

*I originally turned the comments off because I sometimes talk of suicide and I don’t want people telling me to keep living or it’ll get better etc. Just in case anyone was wondering……In fact, I’ll add that to my bio.

Bye. I’m working, mowing the lawn, cleaning up, and  preparing for “no red meat”  over the weekend. I’ll get some reading, college football and knitting in there too. How exciting! (sarcasm)

boycott or watch?

FOOTBALL part I

I’m conflicted over this. Usually this time of year I’m getting excited about the beginning of football. But last year I said I was going to consider boycotting it due to the injuries (including death) the players suffer from.  The main injury that made me consider not watching football is learning about chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE). I’m having a hard time enjoying a sport I know people will later regret playing when they can no longer talk/walk or they are so depressed they kill themselves. Of course I should stop watching football. But part of me wants to be a hypocrite and say “Fuck it!  I like football. It is one of the things that makes winter bearable and I’m going to watch it”.

What do I do? Yes this is a real conflict for me. College football starts soon. By watching it, I know I’m doing something not aligned with my beliefs. However, selfishly I want to spend my weekends watching football because I’ve been arranging my schedule around football for the past decade. It’s what I do. It’s ME.

There’s also a part of me that wants to let football go because then I don’t have to arrange my schedule by it. It is one less hobby to have. I can still watch other sports like basketball. If I don’t watch football, trust me I will know every college and pro basketball player on the court by first and last name. (I can’t watch both sports religiously and still live).

Right now I’m leaning towards boycotting. It’s gonna suck. Ugh, I can’t do that…can I? I don’t want to start NOT watching and then start watching mid-season. I fear that is what will happen. I hate winter and I need something. I don’t know. Sports bring me joy. I love football.

I know the right thing to do. Sigh. I want to believe the NFL is really doing something about the concussion issue but I don’t trust them. Why should I? They knowingly let this go on for decades. And then once the players are retired some of them can’t get help from the NFL. For example, they don’t consider dementia a football related disease so one player has to come up with $65,000 a year to live in assisted living. His pension from the NFL is only $925 a month. What? The NFL can’t afford it??? It disgusts me.

Some of these players playing right now, will suffer so much from playing football. If they only knew for sure. If they knew what it really felt like. Sure some of them would still play for the money, fame, or even love of the game. But what would their decision be if they really knew what their life would be like in 10 years? No one is going to convince me that they want to not be able to walk and talk. They just don’t think it will happen to them. Brain damage is serious. It is worth watching people destroy their lives?

My favorite team happens to be the Baltimore Ravens. (I’m from Baltimore. I don’t live there now). They’ve done a ton of damage to other players and needless to say Ray Lewis is/was my favorite football player. Spare me the murder comments please. Of course I know everything about that. Anyhow, I imagine how I would feel if it were him who committed suicide. What if he gets chronic traumatic encephalopathy? I would feel horrible for watching him play over all these years. (side note: It bothers me that Ray is supporting his son playing football. Does he think all this stuff is made up? He is a smart guy yet he is ignoring all the bad parts of football. A lot of former players say they WOULD NOT let their kids play football. Unfortunately Ray isn’t one of them.)

I don’t know if I can watch a sport that can lead people into depression and CTE. Is it worth it? Should I just forget everything I know and enjoy the sport? Can I do that? Sadly the answer is probably yes. I don’t think I will ever look at it the same way again after learning so much about CTE.  I’m just one person. I know my actions mean nothing. However I do have a conscience. Like I stated earlier, I know the right thing to do but it still makes me incredibly sad. Not to be dramatic or anything but it’s like saying goodbye to a part of my life. And I hate that people will be talking about great plays or great games and I will have no clue what they are talking about.

After all this, a part of me is still considering watching it. I know it doesn’t make sense. That is why I’m conflicted. I hope I say no to football.

Here is one story on CTE and football (there are several)

The tragedy of CTE: a brain disease that afflicts athletes

 

(This is just my conflict over watching football. I’m not at all trying to change anyone’s mind).

nothin but time

Recently when it was 50 degrees, I decided to go out on my patio for the first time. It was so nice but then I saw IT. My next door neighbor has bedroom windows right above my patio!!! Her bedroom is directly above my dining room AKA office. I knew I could hear her moving around but I thought it was nuts to even think someone was really over my head considering I live in a townhouse. I feel like they got over on me…big time. The main reason I wanted to live in a townhouse is because I thought it would be quieter than a regular apartment and I would have no one below or above me. SIGH. Despite that, I love that my patio faces the woods. It was so nice and quiet.

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I may be watching my final NFL game this Sunday. I can’t continue to know players are committing suicide and getting ALS while playing a game I watch for pure enjoyment. It is fitting that my last game will be Ray Lewis’ last game. Ever since he has been playing, I have been a fan of the game. But how can I not care how the Baltimore Ravens are doing? I will know. I listen to sports radio (not as much as I used to). I will know but I won’t watch.

Giving up college football will be harder. Much harder. I can’t say I’m giving that up…yet. All summer long, I can’t wait for college football to start. I know I can do it but do I want to? Eventually I know I will give it up all together but the thought of not watching Virginia Tech play football is surreal.

I could just dedicate my life to watching basketball. 😉 Too bad it doesn’t start until October though.

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I went to my second water aerobics class. I really do love the water. I’m not sold on learning to swim yet. I’ve seen the lessons and anyone can watch you! Parents watch their kids. There are classes going on. Random swimmers are swimming around. ARGH. I have a fear of putting my face under water. I don’t want a lot of people to see that. Anyway, water aerobics is fun. The only thing I didn’t like was having to hold someone’s hand for one exercise (for resistance). Awkward. Trust me I am almost thinking about not going back to her class because of that. But I will be daring and go at least once more.

I stayed in 4 feet of water this time. I think the water shoes really helped. I was less worried about slipping and drowning. I have these shoes. So far so good but I’m not an expert.

The Y is giving me until February 9th to get my 2011 taxes in. I’m thankful for the extension. I just will be shocked if I get my taxes back by then. I will continue to enjoy the Y while I can. Right now my gym schedule is looking like this:

Sunday: Gentle yoga/or Vinyasa Yoga

Tuesday: Water aerobics (not really called that. It is a moderate impact class)

Thursday: the treadmill

I’m not thrilled about Thursdays but I can’t find any classes. A class is like an appointment. I can do that but just going to the gym to get on the treadmill…boring! After 10 minutes I get so bored. I don’t know how I will motivate myself to go. I have to find a class. There is a pilates class but my body does not like pilates. At all.

Now that I’ve gone back to yoga classes, I yearn to do it at home all the time. The video below is my favorite routine:

I like yoga classes but there is a little self consciousness there. It is hard for me to get in the flow. On the other hand, I need to attend classes to practice at home. So classes it is. I’m still searching for the perfect class. I haven’t tried Vinyasa yoga at this gym yet. I’m worried it will be too hard but I might try this Sunday. Gentle yoga I can do.

I could do water aerobics everyday. 🙂 But I only have 2 bathing suits. LOL. And I only like one of them. Nah, the real reason is that I’m not that brave to try different water aerobics classes.