what I cannot change

I really need to find my paper journal. This entry (minus the pictures) needs to go there. I know it is here somewhere. I refuse to buy a new one. I spent $20 on that journal! I’d never spent over $5.00 for a journal until I saw it in Barnes & Nobles. It is more than halfway full so I do need a new one. Yes I’m saying “need”. Writing is like therapy for me…listening to music falls into that class also.

ABILIIFY – Um, Hmm. I really want this to work. Being able to get up on the weekends rock! But for the past week, I have been getting up at 4AM. I’m not 100% sure this is due to the medication. I don’t go to bed at the same time every night so I think it is odd to get up at almost the exact same time every morning. 4:09AM. That is weird. I’m pretty sure someone is slamming their car door at that time. But what really is bad is that I was getting sooooooo tired at work. It was ridiculous. I can’t go in until 6AM so I would try to do homework, catch up on the news etc until 5AM.

That was not working. AT ALL. So last night I stopped taking the med at night. Guess what I didn’t set my alarm and woke up at 7AM. HOWEVER, there are other variables to consider. I finally turned my window unit AC on. That blocks out some outside noise. (I really miss that in the winter – I can hear everything when I don’t have my AC on). The other variable is that I took 1mg of Ativan before bed. I don’t buy that having that much of an effect. I don’t take it often but there is no way that very low dose knocked me out.

Tonight I’m skipping the Ativan. And I will start taking Abilify around noon everyday. I would like to take it before work but I’m worried that it will make me sleepy. I took it at noon today and couldn’t tell if it made me more tired. Like I’ve said before, I am always tired. Abilify just gets me up and moving more…especially around the house. It’s awesome but I have to sleep.

Sigh. Tonight will be another experiment.

What Abilify DOES NOT DO: It doesn’t do help me focus on school. Sure I have more energy but I made 3 brooches in two days. LOL. 😉 I will post pics of those later. I’m planning on selling this Sunday. Weather permitting. I’ve just started “making” brooches so as of right now, I have no plan to sell them this weekend.

I’m just bored with school. Or I can’t focus. Or I suck. I dunno. I have my midterms next week. One is on Tuesday morning. I also have a dentist appointment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (on Tuesday) Yes exclamation points are necessary. I can’t believe I made the appointment.

I have noticed that I’m more normal. Sorry can’t say more social. That sounds like I’m making friends and stuff. But I have gone up to workers in the craft store and asked questions. I became a regular at the craft store for a week. That is something I would shy away from in the past. Going to the same store 3 times in one week…NEVER. But now I feel more ‘normal’. I even exchanged something. Normally, I would just live with it.

I was also more conversational on a phone call. Too bad it wasn’t work related. It was my own stuff. I don’t talk normally but to him, I sorta did! 🙂

I know I’m using the word “normal” a lot but when you are abnormal, you notice that there is a socially excepted way to be. There is a norm. No one is really normal, I guess. But I’ll show you abnormal. Nothing about my life at my age is the norm. Nothing.

I have to go. One last homework assignment is calling but I have some cool pics for you jewelry lovers:

Here are some polymer earrings. They look better in person. I would love to be able to make these one day but for now I’m focused on beading. Oh, yes these are mine. Not selling. 🙂


I’m debating on what to do with the following two pieces:

I’m thinking I will sell the above even though I wore it once and loved it. Both are these necklaces are made of resin.

Resin necklace

Anyone who wants the above will have to pay full price. I love these pieces. Gotta go.

Tryin’ My Best

Photos, photos, photos:

I got up early this morning to set up my selling display. At least I know what I’m up against. The table I have is so tiny and all my stuff isn’t here yet!


I won’t be able to set all the jewelry out at once. I will probably have 4 of the best necklaces out there. And 12 rings. All the Avon will be out because I don’t have much. I just took these pics so I could remember what to put where when I’m really there. On the two big necklace stands I will have better looking necklaces but I don’t have them yet.

rings and things

The flea market doesn’t provide ANY tables. I brought that table for myself so I could have a better place to do my homework. (My cat took over my “office” 2 years ago…) So this is my only table. I might also use a cot if I can find it from last year’s sell. People don’t like bending down to look at jewelry. Noted. 😉

I plan on selling the day before Mother’s Day. I hope it doesn’t rain. And no wind would help…..

Here is a big chunk of Demi Lovato’s 20/20 interview. I am mainly aware of Demi becuse of her anti-bullying campaign. I haven’t seen any of her movies. And “Sonny with a Chance” ??? How cheesy! It isn’t her fault or any of the other actors. After all it is a Disney show so what should I have expected? I do have a few of her songs and I will be buying her next album. A lot of her songs are about self doubt, relying on yourself etc. so of course I like her music. (She writes her own stuff).

I knew the bullying affecting her deeply. She never confirmed the eating disorder thing until recently but there were rumors. In a way, I’m sad for her. I’m not saying others should feel anything, this is how I feel. I’m also very angry. I’m pissed that people (well, kids – whatever) can ruin lives like that. Demi is a role model. She is only 18. I’ll say it, I look up to the girl! She has dealt with the bullying and now has more than one disorder. SIGH. Stop the bullying! I’ll stop before I get more pissed.

No, one more thing: Demi was fortunate to get inpatient help but what about these other kids? I worry about them.

PS: I’m not saying Demi isn’t happy and doing better now. She is strong, has a support system and has her youth (still!).

How I Roll

Now that I don’t have the Twitter announcement for each blog post, I may blog more. Or am I procrastinating? I am so behind on studying for school. I can’t wait for school to be over! And I may not go back…for this certificate. I’m sort of over it at the moment. Finals are in less than a month. I will cram like crazy.

It does make me sad that my lack of concentration and motivation is affecting me like never before. I love learning and this stuff isn’t as boring as economics. I hated econ. I had to take part I and II. Hated it.

Besides being excited for school to be OVER. I have been getting ready for my mother’s day flea market sale. I’m selling mostly jewelry. But I am also looking into other things. I don’t have much time. I don’t even have a date for the sale. Last year’s sale didn’t go quite as planned. The first Saturday I went it rained. So I got up at 5am for nothing. The next weekend it was so windy that none of my jewelry displays would stand. Ugh. However, the sale went okay.

Thinking of picking a date is making me nervous. I don’t have many options if I want to sell before Mother’s Day. I think I will have enough to sell for more than one day. Maybe I will sell every other month through September…if it isn’t to painful. I don’t know. Once a year is enough for me.

I will have a pics galore. It should be fun???

I went to Target during lunch. I was supposed to go to Kroger but I passed it and figured why not? I’m also sort of back into couponing or so I thought. OMG, I don’t have enough patience to look for certain brands. I HATE shopping (excluding music and books). The last thing I wanted to do was be in Target. I brought a box of Fiber One bars and got 60 cents off. Woofreakinhoo!

I was so exasperated. There was a baby in every aisle…with a mom, of course. And then I kept dropping the coupons all over the floor. 😉 I felt so lame walking around with coupons! But saving is smart. I only clip coupons for what I normally buy. I am not giving up on this. But from now on I will only use coupons at places I’m very familiar with.

Gotta go.


Something is wrong with me. I wish I was joking. 🙂

I cannot focus on my school work. For some reason, this is the weekend I decided that I’m going to do my (annual?) mother’s day flea market sale. Why not profit off of a fake holiday?? And of course that is sooooooo much more interesting then doing school work. #$%&

I don’t know exactly what I’m selling. I know I want to do “handmade” gift baskets. But I don’t know what to put in them to make a profit yet. I will probably do a couple of perfume sets and maybe baskets full of candy? I’m just trying to keep everything under $10 – $12 since no one wants to pay much at a flea market. I’m not going crazy with that idea since it could be a money waster.

I am excited about the jewelry I’m selling. My concerns about that is the organization. I guess I should separate the costume jewelry from the real jewelry. One thing that is annoying but I completely understand is when people go on about how they are allergic to cheap jewelry. I guess I have to have an appropriate answer. Last time I told the woman, “All I know is that it is nickel free. Sterling silver”. Or whatever.

I have very sensitive skin. I can’t even wear stuff made for sensitive skin without breaking out so I get it. But that doesn’t stop me from still occasionally using the product or wearing the cheap jewelry. I know not to wear the jewelry every day.

Here is a sample of the cheap but FUN costume jewelry I will be selling:

How fun are those? C’mon! I might keep one for myself. I can easily make a profit selling these. They aren’t my favorite type of rings. But for now I’m focusing on something I can afford and make a decent profit on. These rings definitely aren’t for the people allergic to cheap jewelry and I will tell people that when asked.

I don’t know how much jewelry I will have but I will post pics of most of the jewelry. Is it better than me whining, right? 😉

Few days down

I feel like I have to post because so much has been going on. I’m going to stop changing my theme…once I like it. I don’t like the colors.

Re: my last post. My manager loved how organized my notes were. She didn’t get a chance to delve in.

I had my first beer today. My mom had her first pedicure (thanks to moi – heh). I didn’t get anything done. Although I need a mani and a pedi. They weren’t busy so the manicurist (?) kept asking, “Do you want anything done?” I know my nails look like crap. But unless you are paying for it how many times do I have to say NO? Happy Mother’s Day. Um, the beer sucked. It was non alcoholic but I don’t think that makes any difference. It smelled like alcohol. How do people drink that ish? I would rather drink Gatorade than drink a beer. Gatorade & beer = worthless.

I only stayed at the flea market for 3 1/2 hours. I have to do a post on how to sell Avon at a flea market since Google sends some of those inquires here. Most of my jewelry sold. More probably would have sold if it weren’t windy. I couldn’t put any of my earrings on the rack because the rack kept falling down! Everybody’s displays were flying so no one had the normal displays up. Who knew it would be so windy? The wind never calmed down the 4 hours I was there. I still got to display my necklaces and wow, they went fast.

I couldn’t stand the necklaces up either. But I used the stand (pictured) and just laid it flat. It worked. The people were gracious especially when I gave them nice gift boxes for the necklaces. 90% knocked a dollar or two off everything. I didn’t mind much because I really wanted everything to go. I also got paid a lot in change which was strange to me but money is money. I guess they wanted to get rid of it.

I only brought $2.00 worth of stuff at the flea market! Victory. I brought a book, two pillows and a pair of jeans. Yes all for $2.00. I paid in quarters since that is what I got. ha. No I really don’t need another pair of Tommy Jeans but they were only a dollar. I’m wearing them tomorrow. This is my second used pair of Tommy Jeans. Are they a fashion faux paus? I ask because I once wore my other used pair to a concert and a teenage girl made some rude/unnecessary comments about them. Anyway I don’t care. I just know they last longer than a pair of $20 new jeans I would buy so….

I’m getting nervous/overwhelmed about going to New York. Not because of the recent news. People have to live and work there everyday.  I mean nothing is guaranteed. I could get into a car accident tomorrow. I’m nervous because I still have stuff to do and I’m not used to going to somewhere new. I’ve been there before but I was really young so that doesn’t count. Next week at this time, I’ll be in New York. It is 9:47PM and who knows what I will be doing a week from now. I wrote  a list of a few places  I would like to go. I would like to blog about that before I leave…if I have time.

I also turn 30 a week from today. 😉 Happy birthday to all the Taureans out there. We rock!

what’s happenning

In two weeks, I’m registering for a 10 week summer class. School starts May 24 (after my bday – thank g-d). I’m thrilled it is only 2 credits instead of the usual three. I’m planning to go back in the fall. Then I will probably skip the winter term and start back in summer. I have 9 credits. I need 30 credits to get my professional certificate and then I have to get certified. The classes I can do. I’m a school geek but that test is hard. I’m not going to worry about being certified. Right now I’m just grateful I can afford to go to school. No loans. (That’s why is taking so long – lol)

I’ve ordered my supplies for my mother’s day sale. With the cot and other used items, I’m sure I’ll get some of my money back. Well the supplies are an investment. I can use them again and again. I’m just worried that people won’t be willing to buy my inventory. My stuff is new – mostly jewelry (only one semi-handmade item this time) and never worn shoes. I have a colorful display this time. I don’t officially acknowledge Easter but I love the Easter colors. I have purple and pink “everything is 1.00/2.00 baskets”.  I heard that is a good idea because people love searching for stuff and I have a variety of things.

Random: I miss coloring the eggs. Yeah I know I could still do it.

I’ve decided to not bother with the indoor flea markets. The reason why I think I can tolerate this is because I LOVE being outside. (note: tell my shrink, she is mystified by this also) I couldn’t survive in a building. Outside I have nature or the hot east coast humidity to distract me. In a building, I would feel claustrophobic. Anyway, I’m shooting for one of the two last weeks of April. Here’s to getting up at 4:15AM and being there by 5:15. I always plan that and then the earliest I ever get there is around 6:45. That is not good enough! I’m not setting myself up for success that way.

New York City is supposed to happen in 6 weeks but it is really dependant on work in more ways than one. Ummmmmm. Let’s see without being negative about work what can I say?


Seriously, there is supposed to be a class (THAT I CANNOT MISS). At first I was told 2011. Okay, that’s fine. That recently changed. Now it might be April/May. Well my NYC trip has me out of state for two (work) days in May. Actually my vacation is for that full week. Normally I would reschedule my vacay w/no prob but I already booked the hotel. Crossing my fingers. This has to work out. New York, here I come.

Has anyone been following the sad bullying case? The bullied person: Phoebe Prince killed herself. Now the teen bullies are being charged. Of course the parents (and many others) are saying, “Teens call names”. STOP EXCUSING THIS BEHAVIOR. (VA Tech, anyone? Do these people want something like that too happen again??) When are people going to blame parents FOR ANYTHING!!!!!!! Parents are the only group who get a pass (when it comes to their kids). BULLSHIT.

No one says about me, “She’s doing the best she can.” FUCK. I am doing the best I can…accept for 30% of the time. JUST LIKE PARENTS. Give me a break. Parents weren’t forced to be parents*. Oh woe is them. Doing the best they can…as if it is a right to be a parent and fuck someone’s life up. Too blatant?

*exceptions noted

I can’t do a whole entry without offending a group. I’ve blogged about bullying a lot. I wasn’t planning on going off on parents…SUPPORT ANTI-BULLY LEGISLATION. She was only 15 years old. 😦

Contrary to previously published reports, Phoebe’s harassment was common knowledge to most of the South Hadley High School student body. The investigation has revealed that certain faculty, staff and administrators of the high school also were alerted to the harassment of Phoebe Prince before her death. Prior to Phoebe’s death, her mother spoke with at least two school staff members about the harassment Phoebe had reported to her.

Some bystanders, including at least four students and two faculty members, intervened while the harassment was occurring or reported it to administrators. A lack of understanding of harassment associated with teen dating relationships seems to have been prevalent at South Hadley High School. That, in turn, brought an inconsistent interpretation in enforcement in the school’s code of conduct when incidents were observed and reported.

In reviewing this investigation, we’ve considered whether or not the actions or omissions to act by faculty, staff and administrators of the South Hadley public schools individually, or collectively, amounted to criminal behavior. In our opinion, it did not. Nevertheless, the actions or inactions of some adults at the school are troublesome.

Tolle is my shrink

I’m all screwed up and it isn’t completely do to the time change. I haven’t been watching the news. I don’t who Massa is. I know he works in DC…or used to but WTF………I didn’t watch one second of Chris Matthews or Rachel Maddow toda or Friday. I feel lost. I need to get to work early tomorrow so I can listen to NPR.

My furniture is coming Saturday. I still have a lot to do to prepare for that. I’m not working this Sat. I’m going to the library and looking for a flea market spot. I’ve never been to the indoor ones. I hope the first one is good enough and I won’t have to go to the second. My real concern is that both will suck. Not to go into detail right  now but I’m actually having a display this time. I already brought dirt cheap but cute spring themed stuff. purple and pink…

I’m listening to an awesome book by Eckhartt Tolle. I like how he says, “don’t TRY to get rid if the ego. It isn’t possible” I need to hear that. I’m always wondering, “how can you just lose/forget yourself?” How hard does that sound? Tolle words gives me hope. I need the book because I’m constantly wanting to jot down notes when I’m listening. The name of the book is “New Earth”. I’ll link to it later. I will definitely blog about this more…

Just felt like checking in since I actually wrote in my paper journal for the first time in a month. I also painted my nails blue. Multi-taking. I have to do a major to do list. Lots of things to do tomorrow…including phone calls for myself & work.

unclutter my life

I hate when I work so hard and it doesn’t show…at work, at home. etc.

I’m in the midst of organizing. Really organizing. I got some decent ideas from Christopher Lowell’s organization book – Christopher Lowell’s Seven Layers of Organization: Unclutter Your Home, Unclutter Your Life. But my problems are

  • clothes. It’s not like I have a lot of clothes but I have about ZERO closest space.
  • my cat has taken over the house (vague, I know)
  • no space. my house is smaller than my last apartment. I never had a space problem until I moved here.
  • I need a better filing system. It’s so funny, when I was growing up I always had a real file cabinet. But now all I have is a file box. I could throw bills from 08 away but that still wouldn’t be enough. I guess I need another $12 box.

I guess it is about not having a place to put stuff. I’m going to get a recycle bin soon so that is where my junk mail will go. That is helpful because my mail doesn’t always make it to the trash in a timely matter.

I want to go to the container store (if we have one) but SCREAM the problem is that I don’t know what to put in the containers. lol. I have made a promise to not decorate my house until it is completely organized.

I’m going to the flea market before mother’s day. I found a few things while cleaning up, that I know will sale. It would be nice to have 50% Avon, 20% my old stuff that-is-like-new, & 30% of a new hobby. We’ll see. In the meantime, I have to find the best flea market in the area.

What scares me

People…but that’s an everyday thing.

What scares me more than failing at selling Avon is ‘what will I do if Avon doesn’t work?’. Avon has become my life outside of work. I LOVE IT. It so exciting to have a new hobby. Nothing enjoyable has overtaken my life this much. (not including passive things like watching sports).

So if a lot of people are at the flea market and my stuff doesn’t sell, what do I do? Not give up. There is more than one flea market so giving up after one day would be foolish. I am worried about the # of people ) because last time I went, the # of buyers was lower than I’d ever seen (2 years ago).

I will probably have about 100-150 items (mostly lotion, skincare and jewelry). Some repeats but since I don’t know what people are willing to buy and for how much, I went for variety. I’m definitely going to only buy in the future things that sell.

I’m not too concerned with selling the inventory, I know I can find someone, somewhere to buy this stuff. Avon will take anything back in 30 days (yes used too) so the only thing I may send back is some makeup. I really wrestled with how much makeup to buy. I don’t know much about it. It doesn’t interest me. And I don’t know what colors are in. I was buying redish lipstick but then I noticed that a lot of people are wearing nudes, light pink and brown. ugh! I don’t even know how to apply lipstick! I will be wearing my SPF liquid foundation since I’m going to be in the sun for hours. More on that later…I’ll just say there is no way in hell I would wear that everyday!

What is so fun about Avon? Besides picking my own little store, I love that we get to see and buy the new products at a discount. I love putting goody bags together (brochures, samples, order forms etc.) That’s not it. I just love it. I’ve always wanted to have my own business. And this is something that could work for me. Thank God I love selling at flea markets. Last winter wasn’t too cold so maybe I can go into the 1st week of November selling. I plan on going to school regardless in January. So this money will go into a remodeling/stuff that I need to do savings fund.

I also love looking at remodeling books and shows but I get frustrated because of the cost so that is not a fun hobby…yet.

So if I lose Avon, do I lose my life? My joy? This has to work. This is what I’ve dreamed of. I will not give up easily…and I won’t keep going back to flea markets if people aren’t buying. I will probably be blogging about this a lot (when I’m not working 9-5 or Avon) because this is my life.