Don’t laugh at Andy!

A bizarre thing happened today. Two people were talking about Anderson Cooper being beaten (“hit at least 10 times”) in Egypt and LAUGHING! I mean like it was the most hilarious thing in the world. Not chuckling. I don’t bring this up to say anything about their character, I was just so shocked. What if he died? Okay, he didn’t. And he if he was really hurt, he used a lot of makeup to hide it. Everyone uses makeup on TV so I wouldn’t be surprised if he hid some of his bruises. But why were they laughing? Do they know how many reporters were over there? Do they know that the reporters had no idea (???) that it would get violent. (I find that hard to believe but whatev).

(This isn’t the video Cooper’s camera man shot with his Flip cam but I’m not going to search for it. It is probably on CNN’s website).

I wrote one of the people off as a FOX news watcher. Okay, fine but what was the other persons excuse? He/she doesn’t watch Fox news. If I had to guess I would say they think all politicians are the same. You know the people who voted for Nader because Gore and Bush were exactly the same? Yes all politicians lie but I’m not that cynical. I do believe a lot of preachers are full of shit (no offense) so I get that type of cynicism. LOL. Where did that come from?

I’m asking a lot of questions. No answers! Back to Anderson Cooper.

It was hard to hide my shock. Do they hate him? Or it is because he is a journalist? Did he get what he deserved? I DON’T GET IT. I had CNN on ALL night because I was so concerned about him and the whole situation with the museum. I still don’t know why the museum was a target. But that ish was insane and it had to be scary. Did you see the people on camels with machetes? (Maybe they were just knives…)

I used to be an Anderson admirer but now I forget to even turn to CNN…so I rarely see him. He is doing a tour soon and I remember thinking, “Not going. No way” when I found out he was coming here. I was just thinking about the money issue and what is he going to be talking about anyway. Does he have a new book? Now I know he will talk about Egypt. That is all he may talk about unless he does have a book or something…

I might go. I live near the venue. If the tickets are less than $25, I’ll consider.

I had a horrible day today. I haven’t watched any news since watching CNN last night. But I say the people have spoken: The president must go.

I guess that isn’t how it works. Back to my suicidal wishes/nervous breakdown.

nothing left to lose

I wish I would just die. What is the point of living? What is the point of living without being happy? I’ve been asking these questions since…forever. I know no one is happy all the time.

Sorry. I just think it is really dumb to live unhappily. Yes that means I’m being mega dumb. But give me points for trying to kill myself and I have tried to make my life better but being neurotic and having social anxiety and other maladies doesn’t help. At all.

I hear people say they are willing to die for freedom in Egypt*. I ask, “Hmmm, why? If you are dead, how are you going to know if you are dying for freedom? Don’t you want to enjoy the freedom? And do you really believe that a new regime = freedom?” But at least they stand for something. And why not die for what they think will happen. Perhaps their actions will help a future generation. I’m not that optimistic so….

*Of course this happens in every country.

Buddhism answers my questions. Sort of.

It is natural for the immature to harm others.
Getting angry with them is like resenting a fire for burning.

Why do I get so angry when they taunt/bait me? WHY? Well I guess I can answer that. It is because I feel as though I’m being punished for being a quiet, socially anxious, shy, loner. THAT IS ALL I AM — TO THEM. WHY SHOULD I BE PUNISHED FOR THAT? Dude, I have (and many others) have lost jobs over this shit. How can someone not be depressed when 89.5% of the world is against. Okay it is more like 98%.


This does not mean that one should never take action against aggression or injustice! Instead, one should try to develop an inner calmness and insight to deal with these situations in an appropriate way. We all know that anger and aggression give rise to anger and aggression. One could say that there are three ways to get rid of anger: kill the opponent, kill yourself or kill the anger – which one makes most sense to you?

I’m the scapegoat. Can someone who has been in my situation (most likely a loner) tell me how to get through day to day? Please be neurotic too. Thanks.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

The destructive effects of hatred are very visible, very obvious and immediate. For example, when a strong or forceful thought of hatred arises, at that very instant it overwhelms one totally and destroys one’s peace and presence of mind. When that hateful thought is harboured inside, it makes one feel tense and uptight, and can cause loss of appetite, leading to loss of sleep, and so forth.

yes, yes, yes. now get into my mind and cure it. :/

Of course I’m not just angry. Today I was. Thank god I wasn’t PMSing today. It would have been worse. Every thought, feeling, & action would have been exaggerated. I would probably be thinking of quitting my job. I would be thinking extreme thoughts.

I shall post about my sadness another day. My cat wants to annoy me bond.

(all the quotes are buddhists quotes. Some straight from the the Buddha).