Farting in public

inside joke. haha. But it is also is about, “not being afraid to fart in public”. That was a useful quote from a self help book I read years ago. Don’t be scared to make a mistake. If you fart, so what? Move on. Which leads me to my worst nightmare….

Avon (local manager) wants me to CALL people. She is going to give me a list and a script. Bad timing. The universe is setting me up. I would never do any type of telemarketing as a job. #1 I wouldn’t produce so. #2 I’d be the most miserable person. I don’t do sales. I don’t like being pushy. And as far as Avon goes, what is in it for me? Yes, it could help or HURT my social anxiety. I’m not getting paid…not that that would make it any better. If someone wants to buy Avon (or whatever) do I get the sell (LOL) or is it just more free advertising for Avon??? I would rather volunteer at an animal or homeless shelter.

The only reason I’m even considering this is because I can do it away from the Avon office. Unfortunately it still involves people. 😦 Btw, I reread the email and these are people w/brochures. They probably already have reps so..oh well. No new customers for me, not that I feel like I can handle that. Dealing with the customers I have can be overwhelming. I can’t imagine dealing with more right now so that’s why I’m only dealing with current customers.

I’ve done a lot of advertising for Avon and what have I got from it? Not much. The company benefited for sure. I made ads using their products and placing them everywhere. Etc. Etc. I’m done with that for now. Now (due to circumstances), I’m working overtime tomorrow (universe willing). I’m selling stuff on Ebay. I have to ship all the packages tomorrow.

::sigh:: And I’m still a lil’ depressed. That’s why I’d decided to make myself do OT despite knowing certain people will be there. Last weekend I stayed in bed. This Saturday the plan was healthy breakfast, go to the library (and actually hangout and browse magazines instead of checking out and running) & then work for 3+ hours. Well, I’m still doing all that but now I have to run around town to do an errand w/my mom after work.

And where does Avon fit in?? Ebay and overtime is keeping me busy. So much for going to see a movie. Should I do it @ work in a private place where I feel comfortable? I don’t feel comfortable making calls from home. (You don’t want to know). I’ll be using my cell…and all of the calls will be local.

I’m not going to say no to Avon because Avon was supposed to help with my anxiety so I’m saying “yes”. Feel the fear & do it anyway, right?

overwhelmed. I will consider it a miracle if I’m out the house by 11AM. So is over doing it (or trying to) a way to combat depression. Or will I collapse?

no progress

I need help. This is the 1st depression I’ve had where I can’t get out of bed. I don’t need medicine. I need help with the house. I can’t maintain it. It isn’t about $$. It is about energy. Overwhelmed.

I slept in all weekend. Ignoring everything. I am so thankful that I do not have strangers for Avon customers. There is 1 woman at work and I could barely summon the energy to get her simple order ready. The rest of my customers I ‘know’. It is still ‘work” but it is bearable.

Another concern I have is that I should be doing OT but I can’t do the long hours.