Be careful what you wish for

My god! I feel great…when compared to how I felt all day on Wednesday and Thursday until 3 PM So much pain. I have never felt cramps like this before. The kind that is constant and reaches down to my leg. I could barely work. In fact, I could only do the easy stuff. My brain was just focused on the pain. My productivity suffered. I wanted to call in sick, but I never do that. I need all the help I can get.

I’m still in pain. I used Instacart and got some groceries delivered. Thank God for them and Amazon Prime Now. I ordered children’s liquid Advil (can’t swallow pills). I also bought some heating pads. I hope this pain doesn’t last for weeks. I know Depo-Provera is the cause of this, so I’m thinking of the worst case scenario.

Off topic: I also ordered gluten free tortillas. The verdict is still out on those since I haven’t tried them. I will probably fix tacos this weekend and I’ll review them.

I was supposed to mow the lawn on Wednesday. I could barely keep still to sit at my computer to work, so that didn’t happen. 😦 I really wanted to mow the lawn while it was somewhat cool (mid-eighties). It will probably go back to being hot soon. Blah.

OOH! I just saw on the news that Monday will be 82 degrees! That sounds like mowing the lawn weather to me. That’s the plan. I hope I’m still not in pain. I bought a lot of medicine, but I don’t know how long it will last if I have to constantly take it.

I had planned to exercise every day this week. I got on my treadmill on Monday. On Tuesday, I did a 15-minute exercise video. The video involves weights and cardio, and I love it. Even though the pain has lessened, I’m scared to exercise. What if the pain comes back full blast? I’m not doing anything until the cramping stops (except mowing the lawn).

I was going to blog about all this other stuff, and all I’m talking about is my pain. Typical, right? Let me do a brief synopsis on what I wanted to mention in this post, before pain fest.

I think Trump tweeting about transgenders in the military wasn’t just for distraction purposes. I think he desperately wanted a WIN with conservatives and he got it. Groups praised him. The end. Oh, it and sucks for people to be kicked out of the armed forces. That affects so many people (not just transgender folks). It hasn’t happened yet, but I think it will in the future.

Melissa Harris Perry wrote an article on “self-care” and what a bunch of BS it is. LOL. I don’t do “self-care”. Well, of course, I do! Almost everyone does. Taking a long bath is self-care. Reading a book, taking a walk, meditating, praying, etc. is self-care. I respect Melissa Harris Perry. But she’s wrong about this. She couldn’t be a good mom to two kids if she didn’t practice self-care.

I don’t call what I do self-care because I was doing it before people started calling it that. But the main things I do these days are napping after work, listening to music daily, and reading on most days. I would yell at my dog a LOT more if I didn’t do these things on a daily basis. 😉

Job(s) update: It’s still very quiet. I haven’t been focusing on it because of the cramping. No word on the PT job or the FT job. I think the PT job will probably start back up next week. Management can’t control when the work comes in. I have a meeting with my manager on Monday at my current FT job. I’m a little nervous about that.

This week I…

Music of the week: Linkin Park, Lana Del Rey, Kelly Clarkson, Lorde, Leona Lewis, Jasmine Thompson, Halsey, Mary J. Blige

Loving the Lana Del Rey. Still loving Lorde. Jillette Johnson’s album comes out tomorrow. Finally! I have been waiting YEARS for this.

TV of the week: Big Brother, Empire

I was going to write about Empire. I’m watching the first season (!!) for the first time. But this entry is already so long. I might get to it later.

Movie of the week: None

Books of the week: I finished reading Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy By Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. I gave it 4 stars on Goodreads. I think it is a good book for people dealing with grief. I just read it out of curiosity. I didn’t read Sandberg’s book Lean In because it didn’t seem like it was written for me. I don’t want to Lean In. lol. But I might give the book a chance.

I also finished reading Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay. WOW! I wish more people would write while trying to figure stuff out. I don’t like all the books with “I went through that, and now I’m fine.” Um, boring. I could relate to this book so much. Her life is my life. I will probably read this book again. I need to buy it.

Now reading:

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren


Plans for the Weekend: I’m going to my mom’s house to pick up a package.
Other than that, I hope to relax, do a little “self-care.” haha. NOT. I will be reading and doing an online course from Iyanla Vanzant. I’m not sure how I feel about the course so far. I hope I like it since I paid for it (got early bird pricing).

Well, this entry is so long. I better go. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. 🙂 Have a nice weekend!

Don’t Ask

It’s rainy on the east coast. My cat and I have slept all day. I was supposed to go grocery shopping today. I go every 3 weeks. I take my mom since she doesn’t drive. Every once in a while she can’t go at the 3 week mark. That always throws me off. I hate going to Walmart because it isn’t the closest place and it is of course it is crowded. Going to Kroger’s is more convenient and I love it but it doesn’t seem smart to waste money that way. I’ve done it before and it is hard to justify spending more money when I can go to Walmart.

I’m high on liquid Tylenol. Hence the sleeping all day. I only take pain meds for cramps. Tylenol is the least effective but it is all I have. Oh my point is I feel like crap so that is why I didn’t go get groceries. I will force myself to go during the week. I don’t have anything to drink but at least I have food.

It was great to cry tears of relief or maybe joy and not have anyone around to judge me for it. I’m proud of myself for sending a thank you email to my manager. I always procrastinate. Then it is ‘too late’ to say/do anything. Even though I waited a week, I still sent a thank you and didn’t use the ‘too late’ excuse. I hate being vulnerable. But I don’t even regret it. It’s been 24 hours. I can’t take it back. However, in the past I would have wondered if it I did the right thing. Basically I would have been a mess. Now not so much.

I have a lot of crap I’m trying to work through without blogging about it. I thought about just not blogging at all. Just taking a break but an interesting conversation happened:


LOL. How I love this…or not. While they were talking I wanted to ask, “Have you considered adoption?” But of course they have! They aren’t stupid and they have a bunch of people butting into their business. Never mention adoption. OF COURSE, the person has thought about it. You aren’t the first one to suggest it. I’m so glad I didn’t open my mouth. Normally I don’t think of saying anything but the woman saying “Kids don’t cost anything” (hehehe) made me squirm.

She wants this woman to have kids because she believes in manners*. squirm. Don’t react in any way even though she is sitting right next to you. Don’t you think this woman is getting enough pressure from her own family??? Please don’t add to it. Besides her husband will be more financially “stable” soon. It’s not like she’s me where it is never going to happen.

*As if that is a guarantee that her kids will. ROFL.

I do agree that if you wait until you have money to have kids, you may never have them. Personally I think having kids with my financial situation would be irresponsible. It’s a personal choice. Maybe $$ is what people unsure of having kids say. Maybe she already knows she doesn’t want kids (but doesn’t want to say it). Maybe she can’t have kids. Etc.

I now think that asking people about having kids should be on the no-no list along with politics and religion when it comes to coworkers. These people barely know each other. They have known each other for less than a week. Maybe they didn’t get anything out of it but I did – NEVER ASK A PERSON ABOUT KIDS. If the person has kids, she/he will bring it up within 5 minutes. LOL. If the person does not mention kids: Don’t ask. This also reminds me of another conversation I overheard. Someone asked a woman how many kids she had. One of her kids had cancer and died. She is probably used to answering this question since people can’t refrain from bringing it up but geez…

Just don’t ask. Unless the person asks you first. This happens to me with new people all the time. I’ll say “No kids” and then I’ll ask the person whether they have any just to keep the conversation flowing. (I used to not do that but I’m learning – haha) I don’t really care. I would rather hear about your pets. When people say they have kids, I have no idea what I’m supposed to say next. “Um, that’s nice.” I have no clue. I haven’t learned that part yet. How do I feign interest? I suck at faking it. Really suck.

Ugh, I have so much to do. It is 7PM on Sunday and I haven’t officially gotten up yet. Groan.