One day we’ll have cats

Ugh. Groan. This sucks. Life. Ugh.

I’ve never been late with a bill. I’ve never left a bill unpaid. I’m an earth sign. We are responsible, loyal and reliable and now because I want to lower my debt, I can’t pay most of my credit cards???! WTF. This is going to KILL ME. I have a bill due on the 5th and to not pay it is unthinkable. They will call me, email me, and leave me voice messages. This sucks.

At least they will get their money one day. Once they agree to the settlement, they will get it soon. I don’t know if Chase will agree. Or others. I know some will. I wish this were some lifesaver, but I still have to pay off Capital One and Paypal on my own. But I should be able to pay them more.

Since I’m not supposed to incur more debt, I’m canceling Nutrisystem this weekend. I wanted to learn how to cook first! 😦 I thought I had at least 6 more weeks of food, but I will probably cancel.

To prepare, I have TONS of cookbooks. Most are Kindle books. So far I can recommend Good and Cheap: Eat Well on $4/Day Then I have two 3D books. I have How to Boil Water and How to Cook Everything The Basics: All You Need to Make Great Food–With 1,000 Photos. I haven’t had much time to look over the last two books yet. I will probably take them with me on vacation (13 days to go!) I need to make a list of “recipes” I want to try. I can’t cook at all. I don’t like cooking. I don’t hate it, but I prefer not to do it.

I know what I will eat for breakfast (biscotti and eggs). Yep, I will probably eat that every single day. Lunch and dinner are trickier. All I know is that I won’t cook every day. I think that’s insane and time-consuming. If I enjoyed cooking, it wouldn’t be too nuts. I’m thinking about eating yogurt and bananas for lunch. Or something. I don’t know.

Tomorrow I have yoga after work. I’m a little nervous since I haven’t been to a yoga studio in at least 7 years. I didn’t even get a chance to practice, so I feel like a newbie. 😉 It’s hot yoga because the yoga studio with the best parking only offers hot yoga. I did hot yoga once, and I liked it. But since it’s so hot in my house and outside, I’m not looking forward to being extremely hot for an hour of exercise.

Gotta go. I’m listening to a tarot book for my tarot class right now. After I post this, I’m going to take notes for an astrology class. I also have to get the horoscopes finished for the other website. Oops! I almost forgot about that.

Just thought I would blog, because I feel like shit for not paying my bills. It’s sucks. And I haven’t even been late yet! How will I deal? I’m not joking. Not paying bills, is not me. Sigh. Groan. At least I’m going to the beach soon. Yay?

Next time, I will blog about my last therapy session, election 2020, and how yoga went. 🙂

Give me fire

I might be going to see John Mayer in concert again!!!!!! Tickets go on sale on Sept 20. Barring anything financial stopping me I will be buying a ticket. I can always sell the ticket if I have to. I saw him in 2010 for the first time. I had a great seat to see him in a small venue in 2012 but he had to have throat surgery and the show was canceled. The show isn’t until December. YAY. Exciting. I’m just glad he is coming back.

——–

I made the wheat free mini pizzas. I would not recommend them if you are trying to lose weight. It is one of those wheat free but not healthy foods. I WILL NOT be eating these regularly. The pizzas tasted soooo good though. It was better after putting it in the fridge and microwaving it the next day. Here are the pictures:

step one
step one

finished product
finished product

I didn’t exactly follow the recipe from the book “Wheat Belly”. (<—recipe there) For two pizzas, I used:

  • 2 wheat free pizza crusts
  • 3/4 of a 1lb of beef
  • 6 slices of mozzarella cheese
  • 4.5 oz marinara sauce
  • a little bit of Parmesan cheese

I baked it for about 20 minutes. Of course I cooked the beef first. I would have used pepperoni but I could not find them at Kroger. I would like to try a dairy free pizza. The best thing about being wheat free is that I am no longer eating processed food as a part of my diet.

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I had a weird encounter with a neighbor on Labor Day. Well I don’t really consider him a neighbor. It would take me about 15 minutes to walk to his house. First he just came into my yard on his scooter like it was his place. I was mowing the lawn. Boundaries people! He acted like I had to talk to him. Like he deserved answers from me. I HATE when people do that. #1 You aren’t a neighbor. #2 You don’t have the right to know shit.

But I was nice. I even said something I would never say without the other person saying it first. “Nice meeting you”. I don’t know where I got that fake BS from. It just popped into my head and I actually said it! What I did love was that he didn’t say it back. LOL. Keeping it real. I like. 🙂

What really bothered me is he said some “devilish” stuff was going on. Um, okay. I have nothing to do with that. I stay in my house. I don’t talk to anyone. I bother no one. I think I have one real neighbor (The wife died before I moved here. I think the husband or someone lives there. All I know is that the house is for sale).  I felt like he was accusing me of something. Whatever is going on, it isn’t my fault. I live 15 minutes away from you. We aren’t even neighbors. WTF are you even here for?

He also insisted that my car was gone at night. HUH??! Unless someone is stealing it every night and returning it (nicely) in the morning, my car is not gone overnight. So strange.

The whole thing bothered me. If I had kids or an outdoor pet, I would  swear they must be bugging someone. I don’t even go outside that much! I’m only outside to go to my car, mow the lawn and occasionally read on the porch. I don’t get it.

People. Can’t live with them.

Cactus In The Valley

Diet/way of eating: It is going okay. The best thing I got out of the 17 Day Diet book is drinking green tea. I don’t drink sodas anymore! Finally. I always felt too old to drink sodas but I couldn’t come up with a decent alternative. That book convinced me that anything is better than drinking sodas. I wish I enjoyed drinking water because my diet is severely lacking that.

I also eat less sweets than before but the cravings aren’t gone. I’m sure that the 3-5 pounds I lost probably came back. But my new rules are: No sodas, no fast food, and limiting sweets. When the diet was new, I ate no sweets. Once the novelty wore off, I wanted my sweets. So I may eat something once a week. The only time this is really hard is when I want to work extra hours at work and I know something sweet will make me stay longer. LOL.

One of my goals is to make myself do overtime during the week. On the weekends, I’m going to get my house ready to sell. That is a lot of work. Anyway, the environment at work has been the problem. Why would I want to stay one second longer than I have to? MONEY? I have never been motivated by money. But I do hate debt and I want to buy a new house/townhouse so shouldn’t that be a motivator? Ideally it should be….

Not to mention how tired I am…I’m going to try to work an extra hour or two at least 3 days a week this week. I would plan to do it all on Friday afternoon but who knows what might come up? So I need to space it out.

Speaking of Friday afternoons – I went to my cooking class this past Friday. I drank red and white wine. I had no idea how strong it would be. It didn’t even taste that good! But it was drinkable. 🙂 Yeah, I kind of was drunk. It wasn’t a bad way to spend a Friday night. PEOPLE WERE THERE! OMG! Initially I was very tense but for a person with social anxiety, it wasn’t that bad. Once the wine sank in, I even laughed at someone’s joke! He was extremely extroverted. Normally these people make me uncomfortable in group settings but with wine he was tolerable. I totally get why people are alcoholics but that is another entry.

The cooking part wasn’t so good. We had an awesome chef but since I’m a novice, I needed more of a beginner’s class. I need a “How to boil water” class. We were in groups of four that formed naturally – thank g-d. I managed to NOT make eye contact with anyone besides the chef. Even wine can’t help me there.

The food:  We made four dishes. I did get hands on experience while some people shied away from that. I actually did stuff! I only liked the vegetarian lasagna. Loved it. I will never try fish tacos again. The chicken breast was too tough. I could barely chew it. Oh I did like the devil food cake, of course. Sweets!

I probably won’t do it again. Like I said it isn’t a bad way to spend an afternoon but it isn’t cheap. It did make me want to cook. I wanted to make the vegetable lasagna, but a food processor is needed and I don’t have one so I went on the net surfing for other things. I made baked chicken parmesan last night! The chicken breasts came out amazingly perfect. The only thing that would have made it better is probably using salt. Everything I used was salt free so I thought it came out a little bland but my mom who is used to eating salt free, loved it.

Before baking:

before pic

Too much cheese??? I really don’t know. 😉 I didn’t measure it.

Finished product:

after

Recipe:

I didn’t do everything the recipe said to do but I followed most of it. The croutons are the key part. You must try this if you like to cook. So all in all, I’m glad I went to the class, I never would have randomly decided to try chicken parmesan without the class. I think my next thing will be baked fish.

Well I have to go. I didn’t get a chance to blog about how I took my kindle to Walmart to see the other Kindles. He (my kindle) wanted to know why the other kindles were locked up. “How can they breathe?” “Are they okay without books?”. I had no answers to his questions. Walmart was out of iPads and very low on Kindles. They need to reorder. I must admit that iPad looked nice. I know I would love it but I don’t need one (lol – of course) since I have a laptop. But I wouldn’t turn down one. After reading the reviews on the Kindle Fire, I have decided it probably isn’t worth the money. But I love my kindle keyboard.

Oh, I have to go. Laundry, prescriptions, cleaning, etc.

But I Am a Good Girl

Not only did I make grilled cheese sandwiches for the first time today, it was also the first time I ate one! That has to be a North American record. I want to say world record…who hasn’t had grilled cheese before? I’m in love with my sandwich grill (AKA sandwich maker). I’m sticking with grilled cheese for now. Later I would like to make omelets, french toast etc. But if I freaked out over putting buttered bread with cheese on the grill, who knows what would happen with french toast?

yummy!

“OMG, what if it is getting too hot and I haven’t even put the second piece of bread on yet. AHHHHHHHHHH!” Yes I was out of my mind.I used this “recipe” to make the sandwiches. Yes, I needed that. I’m so not a cook. I don’t know if I should ever really try. Maybe when I get a bigger kitchen (not that mine is small when compared to the rest of the house), I would want to cook more. For now I’m sticking with gadgets. The sandwiches were awesome by the way. 😉

I also made um, something. I crocheted a flower pot…by mistake! LOL. I was just trying to work on my hand movements. I stopped following the rules. I wasn’t counting etc. I just wanted to make something other than a string necklace. And it sort of came out like this:

WTF

Now it looks like a flower pot, and I think I’m done with it. I’m going to keep practicing. Hopefully I can make a cover for my iPod. I have a pattern for a 8GB or 16GB iPod from my crochet class so I have to adjust that a little. (I have the old school big classic iPod) If I can do that, that would be a victory.

This youtube video is the closest to what the teacher showed me. The biggest difference is how to hold the yarn with my left hand. I was having problems so we tried the “wrap yarn around my fingers” method. I love her cardigan. How many years away am I from making that??
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I finally used Goupon! If you don’t use it, you have no idea what you are missing. I got $50 worth of food/groceries for $25 dollars! (extreme coupon that – heh) I could have had it delivered for a fee but I chose the pick up option. I’m getting my food on Tuesday and of course I’m super excited. 🙂 I got a lot of regular food but the best part is the options. I get to order LOCAL food easily (meat, fruit & veggies). Also instead of going into Cathy’s bakery, I get to order one cupcake or whatever from the comfort of my home. That is great for social interaction. I’m bummed that I won’t get to meet Cathy. :/

I’m the most excited about tasting baklava for the first time. I’ve searched for it in the Mediterranean parts of the store but I have never found any. I don’t have to go into the little Mediterranean shop to get my baklava! I know other people have done this for a while but without Groupon, I wouldn’t have known my area had one. That is another plus of using Groupon. I learn about places I didn’t know existed. I found a place that offers affordable horseback riding lessons for beginners. I’d been searching online for months but never found this place until they had a deal. I decided to not get the lessons and stick with “needs” like food.

Ha. I know baklava isn’t a need but 95% of the things I brought are regular items. Yay for pick up food Tuesday.


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Edited to add:

I have a shame story to tell.

I was in the bank on Thursday. When it was my turn to go to the counter, the teller said nothing. Perhaps she was still working on the previous customer. Then the other teller had a problem and she spent 3-5 minutes with them. I was growing inpatient. I was on my lunch break (does that say it all?) and I didn’t want to be late. Btw, I was 7 minutes late back to work. Anyhow when she got to me, she tried the small talk thing but I was being stubborn. I was thinking, you have already taken my time, please just do your part so I can get out of here. I did respond to her small talk curtly and I added and “can I have these placed in my checking account”? She goes, “what?” or whatever and I repeated it. She worked faster than I have ever seen a teller work. I didn’t know they could deposit that fast. I’m not joking.

My shame comes in because I know that no matter what the situation I need to just chill. If it is normal stranger small talk, I know how to do that. I could have played along in this case but I was so inpatient, angry….etc. And yes I was/am so ashamed. It feels better to share this here rather than write it in my paper journal. I am worried that if I share all my shame stories “you” will hate me and think I’m a bad person. “You” may think that already. LOL.

Well like Brene teaches, it is better to share the shame. To keep it hidden, is to feel more shame. So here is shame story #1.

short term goals 2010

Goals

  • Getting my certificate (by 12/2011)
  • Getting certified (by 12/2012?)
  • Learn how to cook
  • Become fluent in Spanish
  • Come up with an efficient system for my clothes/laundry
  • I’ve already been put down for one of these goals. “Are you really going to use that? Why not just use a cookbook?” LOL. I believe in not sharing goals. It has never worked for me in the past. I only shared the cooking thing because I was concerned about a social issue (info below). Some people are closed minded and and only support what they would do with their life. I think that’s bizarre since we all want different things but okay. I haven’t even posted about serious goals online in years. In the past, I’ve only posted long term things.

    Besides the school goals (or career goals – I guess), the other things I’m working on now because in January I start school and will have no time for unnecessary things. Skipping the first two obvious goals, here is a mini breakdown of the others:

    Learn how to cook: I’m taking a 3 hour cooking class for “fun” in October. It is a class for people allergic to gluten, wheat etc. As far as I know I’m not allergic to those ingredients but it has the most interesting menu to me. Besides I’m booked (time and money) in September. I’ll just say, “I don’t know how to cook at all and this menu interested me the most”. Because I know they are going to makes us do intros. (UGH!) People don’t understand that a cook book is like a foreign language to non-cookers.

    I think one class will be enough for me to get the basics down. Then I will be able to follow regular recipes without going “What?!” This class consists of 3-4 quick meals from scratch. Quick for me means microwave. Heh. I wish I thought doing this would save me money but I’m doing the healthy* thing also. I’ve already checked prices and I know healthy cooking isn’t cheaper than what I’m doing now. Until this weekend, I thought um “making” your own food was healthier but I just read a Korean recipe that had 800mgs of sodium!! In ONE serving. I’m so disappointed. I know packaged food with less sodium than that. 😦

    *As far as healthy goes, I’m focusing mainly on low sodium and high fructose corn syrup. That is how I shopped this weekend. I read the labels on everything before I put it into my basket. Major bummer that the breakfast bars I eat on weekdays, have HFC in them. I wasn’t planning on have none in my diet…those aren’t the cheapest bars, I’ll find an alternative in the future.

    Become fluent in Spanish – I can read spanish on a 3rd grade level but I can’t speak it or write it on much of any level. Is that strange? lol. Probably not. I’m going full speed ahead on this right now. I need to use it more in my daily life so I won’t forget it. I’ve been saying Si instead of Yes for so many years that it doesn’t even occur to me that it is a spanish word. Luckily I don’t think people catch it too often since it is pronounced “see”…but I have gotten looks. 🙂 I’m going to start writing a lot of my paper journal entries in spanish. I’ve been listening to spanish music for years. I’m just sick of knowing a bunch of words but not being able to speak fluently.

    And it may be helpful with any travel plans or jobs. Who knows?

    Come up with an efficient system for my clothes/laundry I live in a 600 sq foot house with no real closets. Need I say more? I’ve never had a problem with organizing until I moved here. Living with a cat doesn’t help the situation at all. Good luck to me trying to sell this place. EVER. Anyhow, this has to be solved by January.

    ——–
    So there it is. It easier to come up with this list because all I had to do was ask myself: What do I want to do before I’m back in school this winter? This past summer school session really made me focus. I am going to remind myself daily not to spend much valuable spend time OR money on things not aligned with these goals. I have a hard time working on long terms goals because there are so many things I want to do. These things I WILL do.

    anti-cook salad

    Ugh, I’m bummed. I can’t even make an edible salad. I have in the past but I brought beets. The damn beets ruined everything! I love the beets @ our salad bar at work. But these beets taste NOTHING like those. I brought salt free -but not sodium free- sliced canned beets from Kroger. Why should I even share the recipe to my anti-cook salad when it sucked?? I know. Get the fuck over it! I just ate it though…and I am disappointed. That is my lunch for the next 3 days. Ok, I’ll stop. :/

    Ingredients (enough for at least 5 servings)

    tuna cubes (found in the canned meat aisle)
    fresh bagged spinach
    1 cucumber
    cinnamon
    canned sliced beets (if you know how to use them)

    How to anti-cook

    slice the cucumber
    mix the other stuff w/cucumber slices
    add two dashes of cinnamon if you like (I only added it due to the beets – didn’t help)

    Warning: I don’t think cucumbers and beets go well together…or it may be just me. Should I have microwaved the beets first? lol. But some people eat all the veggies raw so I didn’t think they had to be cooked. 😦

    There is your colorful salad. I brought pecans and walnuts to provide protein but I didn’t add them because I didn’t feel like doing all that I had the tuna for protein. Most of the time I don’t add salad dressing to my salad. If I do it is usually the brown/tan Italian dressing. Does that even mean anything to anyone? I know nothing about food. Obviously!

    I made 3 salads for lunch because I had only 3 containers. 🙂

    Now I wish I had salad dressing to make the sourness from the beets go away. I rarely even buy dressing. Damn. I screwed up. Usually I don’t have the energy to even anti-cook but I mowed my lawn for the first time since October. It took just under an hour which is normal. Anyhow, my point was mowing the lawn gave me energy.

    gotta go.

    GO DUKE! 😉

    vegged out

    Secret: I have a tiny crush on Rahm Emanuel. *shhhh*

    Wow, leaving the house on a Sunday isn’t always bad. I did go to work. I was planning on being there for about 60-90 minutes. I was there longer and got much less done. Other people were there. EXTREMELY rare. I should’ve gone earlier. The fear creeps in. I didn’t let that ruin my time. I was more productive than I would have been at home. (one way to look @ it).

    The coworker that used to order Avon from me asked me for a brochure for the first time since the 3 hour, stuck in my car, emotional breakdown incident. I thought it was over so….interesting.

    So many firsts today. I went to Kroger and brought two cans of vegetables! I can’t eat coleslaw, macaroni salad etc. anymore. Ever since I was sick in late 09/early 10, I really have to watch what I eat. The ironic thing is eating too much frozen broccoli is what made me sick at that time. I knew I was eating a lot of broccoli but who can’t eat anything for 7 days after? I thought broccoli was healthy. Anyhow, now I’m eating string beans almost daily. French styled cut only. 😉 I’m going to move on to kale & maybe sweet peas.

    I used to cook cabbage. I’ve been so anti-cooking…hence the bad processed foods. Maybe I have to cook. Not cooking is no longer an option. :/

    I’m going to blog about my basket extravaganza later. It looks like there is a tiny hope for me and organization.