Ellie Goulding in Raleigh

I hate my new camera. Hate it. I’m getting a new one before I go to another concert. I probably won’t go to another concert for at least a year. So I have time. Or maybe I will figure out this damn camera. Nah, I want one that shoots 1020 HD videos.

DSCN0038 (2)

Oh, right. The Ellie Goulding concert. I’d give it a B. Ellie did a great job. Her vocals were pristine! I was worried because she had a show the night before and one critic mentioned her voice was tired (over a month ago).  However, she only smiled about 3 times. She was just there to do her job, and she did it. She could have mailed it in, but she didn’t. She also didn’t pretend to be happy either. I can respect that.

The girl is exhausted by this tour. She’s been on tour for 5+ years nonstop. She needs a break.

The audience was decent. They danced and sang along. I stood the entire time (and danced and sang). I should have gotten a pit ticket. I was in the front row right behind the pit. But the pit area was huge, so I felt I was too far back. (I don’t go to concerts unless I can get a good seat). I didn’t want to be in the pit because it was general admission, but the pit wasn’t full so it would have been fine. Next time (if she ever comes back to the US…lol), I will consider standing in the pit. Ellie Goulding fans are harmless. 😉

Other random things about the show:

  • Matt & Kim were fantastic! A+ I missed their first two songs due to the crappy parking situation. They were having high school graduations and finding parking was nearly impossible. It was a minor nightmare.
  • I will never go to the Red Hat Amphitheatre again. I understand why the locals like it, but I’m not traveling there again for a show.
  • I loved that Ellie wore the same outfit the whole show, but she took more breaks than she used to. The choreographed  dancing didn’t bother me much. She didn’t do it on every song.
  • My favorite song “Anything Could Happen” had technical difficulties. But even without that, the song was a bit of a letdown.
  • I loved that she did an acoustic version of “Lights”. I hadn’t watched any videos of Ellie from 2016 because I wanted to be surprised by the show and that was one surprise.
  • I was going to say what my favorite performance was, but nothing comes to mind. She was on her game per usual. I just wanted her to smile and have fun more.
  • None of my videos are YouTube worthy, so I’m not uploading them. I will save them to my computer for the memories.

Overall, great show. I just wish I was in the pit or better yet, that she did not have a pit. Front row seats behind the pit aren’t that great.

I can’t wait to see her again. It probably won’t be for another 3 years. She will take a much-needed break before her next album.

Tori Kelly – Live in DC!

I said I had fourth-row seats. Uh, no. I was in the second row!! I recorded a few of the songs.

Dear No One

All In My Head/Say My Name

Prince tribute – When Doves Cry

Suit & Tie, PYT, Thinkin About You




It was a great night. I’m so tired. It was a long day. More about my DC adventures later. I just wanted to post about the best part of my day – the concert!

where I belong

Who is going to see TORI KELLY on April 23rd in Washington D.C.? AHHHH!


They were trying to give me 16th-row seats. Hell no. I turned that offer down for 15 whole minutes. I wanted front row seats, but I ended up with a 4th-row seat. Not too shabby. Sigh. I know a better seat will be available later. UGH. I’ll settle with sitting in the fourth row.

Believe it or not, I have never been to DAR Constitution Hall in DC. So that’ll be cool. I’m not looking forward to paying $20 for parking. That’s DC for ya. But at least, I get to book my parking spot online in advance.

I would say no more concerts for the remainder of 2016 and 2017 BUT, John Mayer is in the studio right now. So there is a chance if I can get a really good seat, I’ll see him. I’ve seen him in concert twice so…There aren’t that many people I want to see live. I can’t believe I’m going to two concerts this year, and it is only January!

I gotta go back to work. lol. Tori Kelly. Fourth row! YEAH!

I just keep on dancin’

Front row, baby! Okay, I’m sorta behind the pit because I don’t do general admission pits. But DUDE. How awesome is that? I got to pick my own seat.  I am on the end of the row. CENTER FUCKING STAGE. YES!!!! The best seat in the house. This is about an Ellie Goulding concert, btw. Yes, the freaking Queen of dance/pop/edm/whatever.

Woohoo! Dreams do come true. 🙂 🙂  I think this is more exciting than Britney Spears. I’m not even a huge Brit fan.  The only reason Britney was cool because it was in Vegas. Ellie Goulding concerts are like parties and I could use a little of that since I never party. The only bad thing about an Ellie concert is since it is like a party there is a HUGE pit so my “front row” seat is further back than I would like. However, I would rather have a seat any day than be in the pit.

Now I’m thinking: What if she cancels? Because of course that would happen. What if the shows sell poorly? Well, at least I would get my money back but I’m hoping this North American leg of her tour goes well. People in the States like a few of her songs but they don’t know how good she is live. If they knew, her shows would sell out quickly like they do overseas.

Her new album just came out today. It’s good, but I think she is trying too hard to get the American audience. The music and lyrics are very simplistic compared to her previous efforts.  I don’t know. It’s hard to judge an album that just came out.

One last thing…I just checked my email.

you’re going to Ellie Goulding!

Yes, I am! 🙂


My tripod is at my mom’s house. I’m picking it up tomorrow.  I will be attempting to record my first video (being in front of the camera) for YouTube this weekend with my clothes from Le Tote. So nervous but excited too. I think the worst thing will be editing the videos. I have never tried to edit a video before so this will be very interesting and possibly time-consuming. I don’t have the software. Ugh, I hope this doesn’t take all weekend. I have other stuff to do too, but I want to add more content to my YT channel so….

Other random stuff: My dog drove me bonkers today. He knows when mom has something important to do. At 10:01 he wanted to go outside. The tickets went on sale at 10. AHHH! I was yelling at him like crazy. My god. Today was nuts.

This week I…

Music of the week: Ellie Goulding, Alanis Morissette, Selena Gomez, Marina & the Diamonds, Carrie Underwood, Janet Jackson, Demi Lovato, Borns

Song of the week: Ellie Goulding – Army (New song)

TV of the week:  Lost (season 5), basketball, the usual political stuff

Movie of the week:   none

NaNoWriMo update: 519 words. wah. 😦

Books of the week:  I finished Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock. bell hooks called this book “courageous” and I agree, but it also occurred to me that it must have been somewhat necessary. What semi-famous person can live with a secret like that? (She’s transgender). You have to tell if you are going to be on TV or you will be outed…unfortunately. But I still love the book. I learned a lot and I could also relate.

Edited to add: Oh, bell hooks probably meant her whole journey was courageous. DUH! Well, that I definitely agree with. I also liked how Janet acknowledged her looks really helped her. Many people don’t think about that much less acknowledge it! Being pretty always helps.

I’m still reading Manifest Your Destiny: The Nine Spiritual Principles for Getting Everything You Want by Wayne W. Dyer (on page 117). I started  The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness by Elyn Saks this week. So good.

Planner update:  

This week's plans
This week’s plans

I’m not working this weekend. In fact, I’m off on Monday. 3-day vacay!  Hope to get some writing and reading done but I have a feeling I will be recording and editing my YT video for hours since I have no idea what I’m doing.

It’s a crazy kind of world to survive

I got a VIP ticket to see Britney Spears! YAY. 🙂 It didn’t cost a lot. It was the same price as a regular seat. All I had to do was wait two weeks before the show. I studied other shows so I knew this would happen. Of course I have concerns about this seat. I’ll start with the pros. I am seated in the front. That’s the obvious one. I get to skip the line and go right in. I guess a pro for some would be the free champagne (Moet & Chandon – not unlimited drinks) but I’m not big on champagne. No poster, laminate or meet and greet like the real VIPs get.  $$$$

The cons are that we are sitting at a table. That is awkward. Even normal people have said that sitting with strangers at shows are awkward. If they said that, imagine how it will be for me! I’m apprehensive about that. I’d rather have a real seat. I had trouble deciding between VIP and an aisle seat  beside the mix board. Same price, different view. But I thought about how close I would be to Brit….and ugh, I chose close up. The other con is the whole standing vs. sitting thing. I want to stand (while taking breaks when my feet hurt). But if everyone at VIP is so chill then I will be chill too. lol. I just feel like the vibe might be different. Should I have gotten the seat beside the mix board? I won’t know until after the show. Too late now.

Regardless, I’m so excited. This is surreal. Not only am I going to a Britney Spears concert but I’m going in VEGAS. Really??! So bizarre. Vegas is 2,500 miles from where I live.  Oh and I can’t tell anyone in real life about this. They would only judge me for wasting money on a concert. They don’t live for music like I do. They would never understand so I won’t tell them. Keeping a secret like this will be hard because Britney will be a huge part of my Vegas experience.

And it is true that I can’t afford to go to Vegas. It started with a phone call on May 1, 2014. I said “yes” and I can’t take it back. There is a money penalty if I don’t go so it is cheaper to go. I have never once in my life wanted to go to Vegas before May. I just love to travel and I got a great deal on a huge suite so I said yes in a moment of weakness. Now I won’t answer my phone if I don’t recognize the number. Well I usually did that anyway but the person from Florida kept calling (and not leaving messages) and I got curious. I have a hard time saying “no” even when it will cost me money.

Oh well. That decision is over now. I will try to have fun in Vegas. I still need to do a budget. I’m not looking forward to that. They have a TopShop on The Strip and I would loooove to buy one thing but I know it isn’t wise.  I have loved TopShop from afar for years. At least I finally get to go to the store.

Vegas in 13 days!

Am I really blogging about Vegas again? I’m telling you that is all that is going on in my life. Work is kicking my ass. I don’t know whether a break will help. Sigh. Back to the grind.



what if I’ve always been good enough in my skin?

I’m going to see John Mayer and Philip Philips in mid-December. YAY! I’m pissed that I could have gotten a better seat if I had waited instead of getting a ticket when they first went on sale. Oh well. My seat is on the floor but not at all close enough for me. I was 5th row the last time I saw Mayer. Bummer. I haven’t had a seat this bad in years. This should be interesting…If this experience is bad, I will not be attending another concert unless I can sit in the front ten rows. That’s how I roll. 🙂

While watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy I realized that if I were told I’m going to die within weeks, I’d be sad. It isn’t always that way for me (just read my past posts). I would feel like I haven’t really lived. I think it has more to do with my job. I’m unsure about what I’m doing and it is currently all about production. Maybe next week will be better. It really has to be.

Edited: I erased a portion of this entry because I didn’t want to possibly offend people. How silly is that? Very. I didn’t save what I wrote. It was a short, passion filled rant about how poor people are invisible. Basically what I said was just because they aren’t on the internet doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

I just see too many people dismissing poverty in America. They treat it  as a joke. Example: “Oh they have iPads/big TVs/internet etc”.  Well the people in my family don’t have those things. They don’t have internet access or even computers. (WHAT?) I can bring the stats but that involves too much work to google all of them. 50 million Americans (including kids) have food insecurity. How many Americans believe that to be true? I do because I see it.

The poor people in America are invisible. But they are there and they exist. Maybe I erased it before not because I didn’t want to offend but because it wasn’t eloquent. My words feel empty. Why am I blogging about this? Because it really irks me how dismissive people are of poverty. I think I will blog about this more because it is important to me even if no one else cares. I don’t assume anyone reading this cares about me as a person.


Music for the week: Five for Fighting, Amanda Shires, Maria Mena, Christina Aguilera,  Jessica Mauboy, Janelle Monáe,  John Mayer,  John Legend, Rihanna, Keith Urban, Sheryl Crow

TV for the week: Grey’s Anatomy, Big Brother 15, Project Runway (long time, no see), The Daily Show

Movies of the week:  Sparkle, Anna Karenina (both average)

Books of the weekBully: A True Story Of High School Revenge by Jim Schutze,  Five Days at Memorial Life and Death in a Storm-Ravaged Hospital by Sheri Fink

Goals for next week: I really have to clean up. I want every room clean. I have to make a decision about volunteering at the animal shelter next week. blah, blah, blah

Go easy little doves, I’ll be fine

If she knew how much anxiety a simple “how are you doing?” email would cost me, I don’t think she would have asked.


Between getting the carpet/floor clean in my house and moving all my stuff this weekend – WOW. $$$ Do the short sell people want to see my bank statement now? It is much lower. I haven’t heard back from them. I’m calling them on Thursday. Haven’t heard from the realtor either. Shocking.

I did get 5th row seats to see D’Angelo. 🙂 🙂 🙂 Oh, and Mary J. Blige  and uh, yeah the marvelous Melanie Fiona. But D’ANGELO!!! He is the reason I’m driving 2 hours on August 18th to go to that concert. I did think about not going due to money issues but I also know this may be my only chance (unless he comes back home which will kind of tick me off since I already brought tickets for this show) to see him. I’m sort of worried about him. I’m too invested. I see him as this fragile guy. He did coke to deal with his shyness. Is he 100% fine now? Does he now know that it is okay to be shy? If he doesn’t, then his problem isn’t solved.  I know his fans want to believe that he is fine now but I’m…hesitant and nervous. I just want him to be okay. Is that wrong? I don’t believe it is. Everyone should be  at least fine.

People do drugs to deal with shyness. More commonly they drink. Just yesterday I saw someone calling herself a bitch for not being more social. NO DAMMIT. FUCK THEM for them wanting –  NO DEMANDING –  that you be like them. Screw them. They think they are “right” because they are the majority. We have people killing themselves over this ish.


Time to lighten the mood with pictures! I love universities. I’m not being cocky since I didn’t build it but my alma mater has the prettiest campus in the state. I thought the uni 20 minutes from me might be able to compete but uh, no. They do have a nice lake though. All we have is a waterfall. Okay, I haven’t been to all the state colleges yet. I’ve been to the majority of them. I only went there to go to the library. Unfortunately it was under major construction. I feel bad for the students but maybe it will be done by the fall? It is a mess. But I still managed to find a whole floor to myself. 🙂 With a sofa and a good view. 😉

view from the couch in library

Can you see the lake in that pic? It isn’t very clear.

best part of the campus

Will I go back there to study? Probably not. But I did get the work I wanted done and then I walked about a 1/2 of mile around the big lake (in the hot heat with nothing to drink). I’m still looking for a good, quiet library. Hmmm. Too bad my alma mater is 4.5 hours away. I lived in that library. I hated when they would close early on Friday nights. Memories….I miss that place. 😦 Not enough to drive 4+ hours just to visit though. One day I will. I’ve been saying that for years.

What am I doing on the 4th? Well I have a paper due on the 5th so there’s that. And I have to clean my frogs’ aquarium. I brought them shrimp. I am not fond of shrimp but frogs and fish are supposed to LOVE it. Well they are like their mom. They didn’t eat it and now the tank is a mess. I might break down and clean it tonight. I really want to but I sort of need to buy something first so….boring story but anyway…

I can’t wait for this week to be over. I have my doctor’s appointment with the general practitioner on Friday. Nervous. I hope I am able to convey how serious the nausea problem is. The last time I got really sick was last Thursday. I threw up at Lowes (made it outside in time). I rarely vomit. Can’t even think about it. Gross.

And then on Saturday I have an appointment with the moving company to move the few things I do own to my mom’s shed. Yes her outdoor shed. Long story.

Whoop. So basically I just blogged about nothing but did I mention I get to see D’angelo in concert???? OMG!!!!!!!!!!! hehe.

Performance Art

Forget everything below. I apologize in advance for all the exclamation marks in this entry. OMFG. I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!! D’angelo is coming to the Commonwealth with Mary J. Blige and guess who is going???? MOI. I don’t give a crap what it costs. I have already seen Mary J in concert. I have never seen D’angelo. Can you believe it? How crazy am I? It is on a freakin’ Saturday!!!!!!!!! Fuck yeah. (Seriously I hope I get to go. Tickets go on sell Monday).

Back to what I had originally planned to post:

I have updated my lame music is my life page with all the musicians I have seen in concert.

Indeed I made an “A” on my midterm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so shocked. It took me 1 hour and 25 minutes to take. I was feeling sick (the norm these days) but somehow I pulled through. 🙂 🙂

I woke up almost every hour last night gasping because I thought I had missed the Supreme Court healthcare decision. I missed the live announcement. I was getting my oil changed at the time the decision was announced. So I had no idea what decision was made. I wanted to ask random people. I was hoping people might honk or um, something. But nothing. Nada.  Eventually I found out. I have no comment on the decision. I was just dying to find out. 😉 I’ m having fun watching all the news coverage. This will be an all news day for me today. That isn’t that much different than most days…

I have been in the worst mood all week. This is my week off from work. It should be a happy time. I think my first smile was when I found out what I made on my mid-term. STRESS FEST.  My realtor isn’t talking to me. Maybe she is waiting for me to call her? I don’t know. I do know that she isn’t making much off my house so why should she care, right? blah. I haven’t heard back from the bank regarding the possible short sell. and blah, blah, blah.

How about some pictures? I made time to go to the park on Tuesday. I was feeling really nonsocial so I hid most of the time. I climbed up this ‘unclimbable’ hill just so I could be away from people. The kids spotted me easily. “Look there is a lady hiding in the woods!” The parents did not believe the kids. LOL. The dad said, “She is probably sleeping”. Um, I was reading on my Kindle….not sleeping. He clearly didn’t see me. The kids were really excited by my climb. I don’t know if the adults ever saw me. I was too embarrassed to make eye contact.

Pic from my hiding spot in the woods:

hide don’t seek
random park pic

I’m supposed to go to yoga today. I don’t know if I’m going. Not feeling great. I shouldn’t have coffee. I stopped drinking it for the most part. I only drink it once a week or so (due to it being a cause of nausea). I never make it myself anymore. I only grab some if I’m out and about. I need to stop completely.

Pet update:

My dog, betta fish and dwarf frogs are doing fine. I’m so glad my frogs enjoy their new bigger home. I put a shot glass in there. 🙂 They love to hide in there. They really are social animals. At first one would hide under the bridge while the other would hide in the glass but these days they hang out together in their shot glass. The only downside is that I don’t see them as much because they are almost always hiding.

almost given up looking into people’s eyes

Rachel setting up her keyboard
  • I believe in supporting artists and their art. I buy more music than I should. I brought Rachael’s newest album from Amazon.
  • Since I don’t live in the area, I didn’t know Rachael Sage’s concert was a gay pride event. I was surprised! This was my first gay pride event (and hopefully not the last). Cool. Anyhow, I thought this was just a regular concert. I didn’t even know Rachael was gay prior to the concert but one of her songs did make me wonder but I thought, “nah”.
  • I never carry cash.
  • I took two beta blockers just so I could have this weird semi-smile on my face. Without it, I’ve been perceived as angry. I tried to smile. I hope it was a smile. Rachael smiled back at me so I’m guessing it was a success.
  • I wish more people had shown up. Besides one couple and the other performers, everyone was shy. (Shy is awesome 🙂 but we need some extroverts too).

With that out the way…just clearing the air. The Rachael concert was so awesome. She hugged me. I don’t hug humans but I sorta hugged her back. OMG. She also personally signed her painting. Now I can’t frame it because I always have to be able to see the back of the artwork.

We made eye contact several times. I was sitting right in front of her. Rachael is the opposite of shy. She is the most extroverted performer I have EVER seen. Most musicians I like fall into the quiet, introvert type so I was shocked by her. She is a comedian. I can tell she majored in theater (at Standford, I think?).

rachael sage in concert

Needless to say the show was fantastic. She even got up and sang right beside me. She got in the chair right in front of me and sang. It was surreal.

Her manager Wendy was super nice. Thanks for the tickets and for suggesting Rachael sign the artwork.

It could have been a complete disaster. That is why I did the bullet points at the beginning of this entry. Heh. Certain people made comments and those points are my um, points. Every story has two sides. 🙂 I’m going to post more about the concert in my music blog.

Rachael’s art
autograph of her artwork

I cropped out the part where she personalized it because I don’t want my name shown on this blog. She signed it, “For —-” heart shape  xoxo

Rachael XO’ed me! 🙂 🙂


Sky, my betta fish died. 😦 I’m thinking of ordering 3 african dwarf frogs to put into that aquarium. It is so hot so I’m not sure if they will ship here. They don’t like to ship anywhere that is over 90 degrees. Of course the 90 degree heat starts tomorrow. I wish I could find a local pet store that sell them. I have checked all but one pet store. My other frogs (M & M) are doing fine. They always want more food.


SICK. Still sick. Since I’m a new patient, I can’t see my doctor for 2+ weeks. Sometimes I can eat but yesterday I just gave up trying to work after lunch. I felt so bad that I called the nurse line. She told me to go to the urgent care center since I can’t see my doctor. But I FELT TOO SICK to actually get dressed and drive to the center so of course I didn’t go. I was so frustrated. The sickness comes and goes. I guess I can wait until July. I hope I can.


Save the best for last. WORK. I facilitated a teleconference today. I have too much on my mind to be really embarrassed. It was a minor disaster. 🙂 What did you expect? For me to shine at talking??! LOL. Gosh, I really sucked. The only thing I did right was saying, “good morning”. In the past I would have felt mortified after the meeting but I’m dealing with a lot of crap right now. I’m trying to sell my house. DMV won’t listen to me. I’m sick and I don’t know why. Who cares about a stupid meeting?

I do wish my manager had been able to attend because I know my supervisor probably made it seemed it was much worse than it was. She called me a monster from the movie, “Scream” so yeah, she doesn’t like me. hehehe. (SHOCKER!) My manager is a little nicer and lenient. She may have thought I did better……….I don’t know. It was a total waste of time! The freakin’ end.

New Deep

John Mayer news below this quote!

I found this interesting quote and I had to clip it for this blog. It is from an interview Rachel Maddow did in 2010 for the Matthew Shepard foundation. Rachel is gay or “queer” as she tends to say. (I have to mention that for the quote to make sense.) Anyhow:

 I think that, and this is going to sound a little bit trite, but I think a really big part of ending up an effective person who gets a lot done in the world is knowing yourself well enough to know what you’re really good at. I think that a lot of times people sort of get boxed into pursuing lines of either study or activism or career paths that they’ve seen other people use to succeed and become leaders, and I don’t necessarily think that’s the best way to do it. I think a lot of people go to law school and become lawyers before they realize that that’s not actually going to be the way that they make their mark in the world. I think the way you make your mark in the world is by figuring out what you’re good at and then figuring out a way to do that as your vocation. And so whether its it’s art or math or rhetoric or philosophy or organizing or engineering or whatever it is, do the thing that you’re awesome at, because … you’re going to need to be really awesome at something if you’re going to want to change the world by doing it. And there’s a lot of different ways to contribute and be successful. But by forcing yourself to do something that isn’t really your forté because you think it’s the way to be successful or influential almost never works. I think you really have to know yourself and follow what you’re good at in order to be the best you can possibly be. I also think that, as queer people, we have sort of an advantage because one of the ways that queer people change the world is by being out, and that’s something that most other minority groups don’t have to contend with. And this sort of secret silver lining to that is, that you can change the world for queer people by being a physicist or by being a violinist or by being any number of things, just by virtue of the fact that you are willing to be out.

Emphasis MINE. I know it is wrong, wrong, wrong to say this but isn’t it great that you can be somebody just by being out? That isn’t why I posted the quote but I just love that idea. I actually am envious of that. I’m not naive. I know all about the LBGT community, the pressure, discrimination etc. I’m following the sad Tyler Clementi case. I’ve watched every second of the trial. And the whole thing makes me so angry. I just wish someone could rewind time. Did his life have to end that way? Why did this happen? Okay, I’m going off on a tangent.

But the real gist of the quote is sort of obvious but it resonates with me and where I am in my life. I know a lot of people can relate to it.  I’ll just leave it there. Sigh.


Okay so the good news is that I got AWESOME John Mayer tickets. I should say ticket. Everyone says tickets so to not be strange I always say “tickets”. I got a 4th row seat. Say what? YEP. 🙂 🙂 🙂

The show is about 6 weeks away. SQUEAL! This will be my second time seeing him. This will be my first time seeing him in a small venue.  I’m already thinking about seeing him again this summer. But I don’t know. I won’t be able to take any time off during July – September. (Sucks, I know). I might have to be creative. Forget the summer tour. I get to see him this spring!! Before the album comes out…I know some people had a sucky time getting tickets today but remember there WILL BE a summer tour. There always is.

Total yayness!!!!!!!!! 🙂