My heart’s beaten better alone

I’ve recently dreamed that I had a baby at least three times now. Scary, right? Sometimes it seems like a nightmare –Thank g-d I was just dreaming– other times not so frightening.

I don’t find babies (especially newborns) cute. I don’t like babies. I don’t hate them either. They just exist. But I have a confession: I want a baby sling! Why don’t I see more people with these? They look super awesome.

baby sling

I’m sure there is some practical reason why I don’t see people out in these very much. But I would rock it everywhere possible, including at home. Maybe I have read too many books on psychopaths but all the known psychopaths weren’t held at all or very little as children. The baby sling solves this. Of course I’m the only one thinking about what if my kid is a psychopath?

Babies are so expensive. I’m surprised so many can afford them. I could go on a really nice and long vacation with all that money. Well I say the same thing about weddings. That could be a down payment on a house!

No I’m not thinking about having a baby!!!!! However, I have 7 years before I consider adoption. I’m 90% sure I won’t do it but part of me wants to believe that is an option if I want to later on.

Being childfree is perfect for me now. I couldn’t imagine life any other way but a lot could change in 7 years.

One of my coworkers swore she would be childfree forever but now she’s pregnant! I was so shocked. She seemed depressed and I wondered why. I just thought it was work since all of us are having a little bit of a hard time with all this new stuff. Eventually I found out. I hope everything works out.

Sidetracked by CSPAN…my life is so exciting.

I can’t tell you where I’m bound

Me: Am I still in the running for the house?
Assistant: Yes

Me: Is there a move in date?
Assistant: No not yet

I really wish I could speak to the owner of the business. I know I wouldn’t have gotten those answers from her. She would have told me that the house should be ready the first week of May blah blah. She is rarely in the office. She is out showing houses etc. Only once when I came in was she there. She would assure me that everything is okay…if it is okay. Well at least I have a set place for at least a week.  I brought food for 2 weeks because I know where I will be for at least one full week. I’m at my mom’s house but I can’t help feel like I’m imposing. It used to be fine for me to be here but with my grandmother living here also…it is a strain.

But I’m hoping it is only for a week or maybe two. If I get the house, it isn’t like I can pick up and move that day. I wish! Anyway, the biggest issue for me now is should I apply for other houses? Since I’m undergoing a voluntary foreclosure (STRESS ALERT) it isn’t like I’m the easiest candidate.  The word “foreclosure” wasn’t on my credit report when I checked two weeks ago but soon it will be there. Then no one will rent to me. 😦 So I have to find a house ASAP. I think I will give them until May 6 before I turn in another application. I’ve already filled it out. I don’t know if I can wait until May 6 though. Patience.

May is normally my favorite month. It still could be. But it will definitely not be an easy month. I keep forgetting that I am supposed to be going camping with my dog on my birthday. I am leaving on May 14th and returning on May 16th. By then I plan on having some kind of house. I cannot wait for my “dreamhouse” forever. I get nervous each time they re-post the listing. Hello? Am I not enough? LOL. 🙂

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I took my laptop to get repaired on April 22. No phone calls. I called them on April 25. They hadn’t even looked at the thing!! Still no phone calls from them. I don’t know what to do. I guess I will call them on Tuesday to see if they have looked at it. So annoying. Normally I would be all over that but I have so much other stuff going on. Besides I think the laptop is dead now. I used to hear the fan when I pressed the power button but I stopped hearing that. bummer. It’s not like I can afford a new laptop at the moment. If someone rents my apartment quickly then I’ll buy one.

I’m going to make myself go to the Y twice this week. A ‘cardio extreme’ class sounds exactly what I need.  I’m also considering cancelling my membership if I get the house. My job gives me about 75% of my membership fees because I live more than 10 miles away from my job but if I get dreamhouse I will be living very close to work and I won’t get a dime.

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I heard two comments from two different mothers recently. I guess when you have kids you can do anything. You’re superwoman. When you have kids you don’t have time for things like jewelry. Such frivolous things! 😉 I don’t know what’s going on but drop it already. You chose to have kids. Whoopeeee!!! Good for you. If anyone ever wonder why childfree folks get mad sometimes, listen to women with kids talk to women without kids. Everything centers back to them being a mom.

Oh you CAN’T do this? I can. When you have kids you have to do ———. Oh you CAN do this? Must be nice. I have kids, I don’t have time for that.

LOL! Moms….sigh. Oh and I know all women with kids aren’t like this. Thank Buddha.

family portrait

I’m browsing/reading about 5 books right now. I really wanted to do a post of my favorite quotes from these fab books but I can’t quite get it together. I was bad and brought 3 books from the Goodwill. One was Maybe Baby: 28 Writers Tell the Truth About Skepticism, Infertility, Baby Lust, Childlessness, Ambivalence, and How They Made the Biggest Decision of Their Lives. I’ve had that on my ‘to read’ list for years. It is a must read for childfree folk and for those trying to make a decision. I don’t know why some people call it childless. The word “less” implies the person wants children. I was ipadless. I wanted an ipad. People who don’t have pets and don’t want any are petFREE not petless.

One thing from the book really rings true: I believe that some childfree people were born that way. Yeah I used to think I might adopt one day (soooo not happening) but I’ve always known I would never have kids the “natural way”. No ticking clock or whatever it is called. I’m not meant to be a mom. I can’t say I’m not maternal. You should see me with animals. 😉 I even think babies and toddlers are cute from far away. I was born this way. Like Cary Tennis says in the book, it is like always knowing you’re gay. Some/Most people know from a young age. There is a certain part of the population not meant to be parents.

In hindsight, doesn’t the above seem obvious? Of course everyone isn’t meant to procreate!

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I went to a different yoga class on Sunday at a new Y. Like. It was relaxing but also a good workout. I think our instructor was a substitute. I’m going again this Sunday. TMI alert: I have been out of commission for the past 3 days since I have my period so no gym for me. I was looking forward to trying water aerobics for the second time tomorrow but that is probably not happening.  I haven’t received my tax returns from last year yet…so as of right now the Y is only temporary. I have my returns from 2008, 2009 etc. but of course I can’t find the one from 2011. I only have until February 1. After that I would have to pay the highest rate.

I like the Y but I’m not in love because I haven’t been able to go. Well starting this Sunday, I will go 3 times a week. I need to release all this tension.

I have so much more I want to say but I’m not in a free place, maybe this weekend.

 

 

 

Everyone’s Waiting

My uncle has stage IV cancer. 😦 😦 I’m hoping for a miracle. We are huge Laker fans. I know that seems silly but these are the things I will think about. We have the sports thing in common. We watch college and pro football (not together). He LOVES Prince. I don’t. He helped me moved my stuff back from college twice. He helped me through tropical storm Isabel when I thought my car would flood.  He is my mother’s best friend.

I love my uncle. 😦

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Now onto my other uncle. He has diabetes. He didn’t have health insurance for a couple of years. Now he has cataracts and can’t stand for long periods. He almost fell while just standing still in his home. This is due to not having health insurance. He is now old enough to have medicare. (And yes, he was working the whole time.) We live in America. This is what is happening to people. fuck. Some people DIE in fucking America because we don’t have universal healthcare. +1 for Obama, I guess.

Yep, America is #1.

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/end ranting. Sorry

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Picture time or should I say scrapbook time? In the past my scrapbook was mostly about my dreams but I got sick of looking at my photos on the computer so I thought why not add them to my dream book and call it a scrapbook? My book isn’t fancy. I barely spend a dime on it. I don’t even try to make it neat. However, I am thinking about doing Project Life for 2013. I guess that is a little fancy. 🙂 Even though it costs money (about $50 a year – for me), I’m glad to spend it because her stuff is made in the USA.

I was so excited to get my pictures on Saturday. I checked the mailbox three times. One thing I googled was “Scrapbooking without kids” because I noticed that a lot of (okay almost all) scrapbookers seem to have kids. Even though I don’t use templates, I can’t help but notice that a lot of stuff is kid centered. I didn’t find a lot. Most of it was how to scrapbook with your kids. SCREAM. But I did find this awesome video:

NEWSFLASH: People without kids have lives too. It is hard to believe. We have pets, problems, we travel, we work, we spend time with friends and family, we volunteer, we have hobbies, we get married or choose to be single, we love taking photos, we exist! WE LIVE without kids. I don’t know how we do it. It is soooo hard. 😉

Project Life is not exclusively for people with kids. I can use everything in the kit as a childfree person….otherwise I wouldn’t buy it. I can’t wait for 2013. GEEK! Another reason I want to try Project Life because it encourages you to write in your scrapbook. I never used to write in my dream/scrap book until I saw the kit on the website. I used to only journal in my um, journal.

Note: If you want to see a truly great artist who also journals with pictures and words head over to gingerblue.com (after you finish reading this entry, of course!)

Back to the video. Why do I “scrapbook”? I want to record my dreams, my visions and where I’ve been. It is pretty simple. Some of my dreams (like working from home) from my dream pages have come true. So when I’m looking for stuff in magazines & newspapers, I keep that in mind. Below are the new pages I created. These sheets are for my 2010-2012 dream/scrapbook.

buddha
hippie chic
travel

(those are just some of the places I MUST make it too)

jewelry
no talent

I have something in common with Albert Einstein!

beach

I cropped off the picture of me on the beach.

pets

My old family. 😦 It no longer exists.

central park
serving you?
jewelry designer

The woman in the picture designs her own jewelry, has her own store. Inspiration!

john mayer

Had to do a John Mayer page. I really do need a better pen. 😉

fashion

I’m not done with my 2010-2012 book yet. I still have some pics to use. Plus I hope going to North Carolina in November will give me more pages. Not your typical scrapbook, I know. But I love it. (Am I allowed to say that? haha)

Why I’m not adopting

I can’t think of a song title for this entry. It should be titled “Why I’ve decided not to adopt and remain childfree”. Since I can remember I have always wanted to adopt a special needs kid(s). (By the end of this entry I question whether special needs is a good idea). I always knew that it may not happen but I kept it in the back of my mind. Then I saw what parenting was like from afar and I thought: Nah, not for me. I become staunchly childfree. After recently reading a book, I started thinking about adopting again.

It went like this: By the time I’m 40, I will try to adopt a kid…maybe. I will know by 40. Despite what society tells me, I know I have good enough traits to be a parent. I’m extremely empathetic. I also like doing a lot of things kids like to do. I love helping kids learn. I’ve thought this through and I would not do this for selfish reasons. So by 40, we’ll see.

Now I’m back to being childfree for life and grateful. Grateful that I’ve thought this through. I would never bring a life into this world. I’m against that FOR ME. I don’t give an inkpen’s top what other people do. I just don’t think anyone benefits from me giving birth to a kid. So that is not happening. No pregnancy. Sigh, even though I’m kind of pissed that I could give birth to a child (if I’m fertile) YET an adoption agency could easily tell me NO. How fucked up is that? But I’m not foolish enough to get artificially inseminated just to show them that you can’t keep me from having a kid!!!!!!!! (Yeah, I’ve thought about it for a split second – ROFL – how immature is that??!)

Okay, yes I am a little angry about someone else telling me NO. 😉  There are several reasons why I would not be able to adopt. Being single would probably be #1. By 40 most of my issues would have to be resolved or I would not consider adopting. That would be extremely selfish (FOR ME). I’m going to try to get back on track.

Why I am currently closing the door on adopting when I’m 40:

  • No male role model. I would probably only consider adopting a girl but yes, she would need a male role model. What are the chances that in the next 8-10 years, I will find a great male friend who is willing to be my kid’s role model? (I’m a realist).
  • From the research I’ve done, I would only be considered for older children since I’m single (plus other factors). I don’t have the money to consider other avenues of adoption. Ideally I would like a 2 year old. I am not sure I could bond with an older child. I’m shy. That is probably not going to change completely…ever. A 12 year old is like an adult to me. I wouldn’t know how to even begin to bond with an older child. By 40, I hope to try to become a Big Sister. So this may change. I may find out that I’m good with pre-teens but I don’t see it.
  • Since I have to work at least 40 hours a week, will I be able to provide for a special needs child? This is huge. When I was younger I thought I could deal with a physically disabled child. Now I’m not so sure. I would rather deal with a child with mental issues. (empathy + psychology geek) If I were desperate to adopt -and I’m NOT- I would put everything I have into adopting a kid under 6 with no known issues. Speaking of special needs, what if I couldn’t find someone to watch my kid EVER? That includes my mom. How hard is that to deal with?
  • Money. Do I have to say more?
  • Adopting a kid means I will NEVER have an easy way to end my life if I choose. (Judge away!) Of course I hope I won’t want to end my life if I make it to 40.

I could go on and on. But the main issue is probably not having a male role model. How selfish would it be to adopt a kid KNOWING that I don’t have enough male role models? I can’t overlook this one.

(I should probably mention that special needs adoption is free where I live. I didn’t know that until yesterday so that had no effect on my childhood dreams. Also now I’m pretty sure most of what is considered special needs isn’t right for me or the child. If being deaf or other conditions are considered special needs, bring it on. I’m familiar with some things. But I’m thinking I should leave the special needs kids to people who are sure they can deal. If I’m not sure I can do it, I should not even consider it).

I would be good enough to adopt. I would be a good parent. I may not have the social skills (not right now) but I would make sure my kid is around other kids…unless she is an introvert like me and then I would go a different route. I wouldn’t try to force a kid to be outgoing. If I had an extroverted kid, it would be summer camp after summer camp 🙂 Plus all the extracurricular activities she wanted to join. I could deal with that.

But there is more to it and that is why I 95% sure, I will remain childfree. I don’t feel the NEED to adopt a child. I just felt like (once I get my house) I could provide a decent home to a kid that was already born. However, considering everything….Who knows? There is a 5% chance I will change my mind by 40. Only time will tell.

As cool as I am

I was feeling a little down this weekend. So I turned off the TV and computer. I listened to music instead, focusing only on the music. Most importantly I spent time outside. It was just me, my dog and my Kindle Keyboard (NOT the Fire). I enjoyed nature and got a ton of reading done. It cleared my mind. I mean, I wasn’t happy or anything. 😉 It was a great mood booster though. Yep, I have to do that more.

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I’m trying to avoid certain things on the internet because it is a time waster. You click on one link then another etc. I get a lot of news from the net. With my twitter app, I don’t even have to get on the net to get news anymore. I’m still an Amazon.com fiend. That is my vice.

Something I ran across a while ago really perturbed me. I found some disturbing articles/blog posts about the childfree “movement”. ROFL.

I have to laugh. I do consider myself childfree because guess what? I don’t have kids! Why is being childfree worth noting? Because  the majority of people have kids . There is also the presumption that every human wants kids. Not having kids is a lifestyle choice for me.

But…..

  • I don’t hate kids. I don’t judge others who do. I know only ONE childfree person who actually hates kids. Despises them. That’s not me. I don’t go out of my way to avoid kids but I’m rarely around them. I mean, I try to avoid people in general so of course I’m not going to be around kids. (more on that later…) For the most part kids remind me of innocence.
  • I’m not a feminist. I was shocked to see childfreedom and feminism linked. I’m the least feminist person on the planet. I don’t even identify as female. It would probably be one of the last things I list about myself unless I know someone wants to know. I seriously think linking these two is wrong and/or a mistake. People choose not to have kids for several reasons.
  • I don’t care if others have kids BUT the way society applauds motherhood as if they are saints or something…please, can everyone agree that that is bullshit? If not, that is part of the problem. heh. It isn’t the kids or the majority of parents who are the problem. It is just society in general. If I have a kid 9 months from now, will I be worthy? (sarcasm).
  • I’m not mad or angry. I don’t care. Just don’t say stupid shit like “a woman isn’t a woman until she has kids”. WTF? Seriously. I’m not caught up in being a woman anyway so what do I care? It is just annoying. And please don’t think all woman are meant to be nurturers or parents. That is just wrong.

The whole people misunderstanding why people call themselves childfree is bothersome. We are not childless. A childless person wants kids or is thinking about maybe having them one day. We made the decision to not have kids and we couldn’t be happier with all the perks. For parents, having kids is full of perks so they are happy with their decision. They enjoy being parents. I think sane people get this.

There are extremists on both sides.

What do I care whether someone has a kid or not? Okay it kind of sucks when your friend has a kid and has no time for you because his/her life revolves around the kid. But that’s life. I haven’t had this experience directly. (Most of my acquaintances already have kids or don’t have any). But even I kind of feel like “another one got away” when someone announces “we’re pregnant!!”. It is selfish but I know that person life is going to dramatically change.

Back to the disliking kids thing: I do say I hate people…a lot. haha. PEOPLE, not kids. Yes kids are people. Call me a people-ist if you want. I don’t care. I  say it out of anger. Once I was in Wal-Mart and I did say it quite loud. Oh, and there was this time in a thrift store when a bunch of people pissed me off. When I get really angry, people are usually my target. But I also hate inanimate objects  when they piss me off so I have issues. Whatever.

Yeah, people suck when they suck. 95% of the time I am directing my anger towards adults because I think they should know better. It is hard for me to get angry at a kid.

I’m rambling now. I was just shocked at how parents viewed childfree people. Please don’t think the extremists on internet forums define all of us. I would totally watch your kids if I knew what to do.

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For the record, the title of this entry is named after a Dar Williams song. I’m not cool.

effing parents

There’s nothing like blogging when you are pissed. If you are a parent you will probably find this post offensive. Well really most people…parent or not. Whatever. I’m ranting. (That was a warning to stop reading!)

UGH. Parents and their selfishness. It is rarely talked about. Yes we are all selfish. But creating a mini-me is that not the most selfish act of all? Woah, that is extremely judgmental and probably not fair. But I do feel justified in saying it because no one else does!

First let me explain WHY I’m going off at 8AM on a Sunday morning. My un-welcomed house guest – My dad – says he he coming back!!!!!!! He gave no indication as to when. You better believe he will answer that question. There is a time difference but I’m hoping by the end of the day I get an answer. How fucking selfish is it to invite yourself to someone’s house? But that is not the point. At all.

Look at my last entry. I had plans. Before I was going out to mow the lawn in a couple of hours, I was going to turn my house back to ‘normal’. That means PRE-dad-month-long-invasion (that was only supposed to be 2 weeks – lies from the start!). Note that once he was here I rarely (if ever??) complained about him being here in this blog or to anyone. Yes I wanted my solitude at home but I was busy with work and school so it wasn’t too bad. I had to change my sleeping schedule which was probably the hardest adjustment of all. Oh, and the clothes situation was bad (read below). Here is what went really wrong:

He “flooded” my bathroom. I have flooded in quotes because my house and apartments have literally been flooded. Most of the time by acts of nature. One time my water heater exploded. But he got everything super soaked with no explanation at all. I didn’t even realized exactly what had happened – wait, I still have no idea HOW it happened.

He took apart my closet rack and threw my clothes all over the floor. How considerate! I didn’t find out about that until he was gone and I needed a text book from class. I went into his room to quickly get my book and saw my clothes all over the floor. I was shocked. And he had taken apart my rack that I put together all my myself. TODAY, I was going to put my clothes back on the rack because that is the ONLY space I have for my clothes. But if he is coming back in a month or less WHAT IS THE POINT??

He messed up my lock on the front door which was already messed up. The only person I have to fix them is the person that fucked them up to begin with so I have to come up with some solution.

Those are my major complaints. I thought my cat would be a problem. I thought it would be hell and it wasn’t. I thought it would be waaaaaaaay worse.

In case this is one incoherent mess, my point is that today I got up early with the intent of turning my bedroom into my bedroom. Now I’m all frazzled. I have no idea when he is coming and more importantly, HOW OFTEN THIS WILL HAPPEN? What if he makes this a habit? I don’t know why he would want to do that. He cannot stay here in the winter. I don’t have heat in the bedroom and my electric bill in the winter is double what it is during the summer (and it is still freezing) so if he is going to heat that room, he has to pay.

See I’m going off without knowing anything. Anxiety. Anxiety. UGH!

But back to parents being selfish twits. I am grateful for you in ways you have helped. Call that parenting or whatever. But dude, did you all think before bringing a child(ren) in this fucked up world? I am not grateful for being born. I’d rather not be here at all. I had no choice. I have already tried suicide. It didn’t work. I don’t have the courage nor strength if I did, I would not be blogging right now. (sidenote: Should I do a post on suicide and my thoughts on the act? hmmm, Probably not. I’ll just say I’m part of the right-to-die club and leave it at that).

To make this self centric post possibly helpful to others. Here is what I want to say to possible, future parents:

DO NOT HAVE KIDS……………..j/k. There’s more. DO NOT HAVE KIDS IF….

  • You don’t think about the effect it will have on your life and of course the child’s life.
  • You are lonely and just want someone to hang out with.
  • You just want to be loved.
  • You are bored
  • You see no meaning in life so um, let’s create a kid so I can get some meaning there.
  • You just know they are going to supply you with grandchildren.
  • You think there will be someone be there to take care of you when you are older (<–that one drives me nuts).
  • I could go on but those are some of the main reasons. I and my sister were born because a certain parent didn’t THINK about it. This person just saw everyone else doing it. (OMG how can people not think about such a huge life altering thing.) This person was lonely and wanted companionship. This person was bored with life at the time and this gave the person a meaning or perhaps just something to do. And by god, it is so natural. Everyone else is doing it.

    Ugh. I’m disgusted. Clearly.

    I’m going to attempt to do something. I will at least mow the lawn because I have to do that whether entitled houseguest comes or not.

    P.S.
    Everyone is selfish. Everyone makes selfish decisions. But bringing a new human in the world without thinking it through sorta bothers me. Can you tell? My cat is driving me bonkers. I have to give her a treat or she will make me want to strangle her. Call the SPCA! I chose to adopt her. In my defense (lol), I thought cats were less likely to bother me. I thought they were independent and a little more like me. Where did I get that idea? ROFL. But I take such gooooood care of my cat. And I never inflict anyone else with my decision to adopt her. She is a little mini-me. She hates other cats. 🙂

  • perfectly alone

    The AC hasn’t gone out but it is 81 degrees in here so something ain’t right. heh. Today was the hottest day. It has to be a record. I was supposed to take my dog to get her nails trimmed but I decided it was too hot. Sorry pup…maybe next weekend? And I’m not mowing the lawn either. I don’t care how bad it looks. It has to be below 95 before I’ll get the mower out.

    Today I realized I have two finals next week. I thought I only had one. This sucks. If I were more organized, I would have known. I’m taking one on Wednesday and one on Saturday. I’m not ready for either.

    Speaking of school, I’ve decided to take the fall semester off! It was a hard decision – well not financially. It really was more about money then anything. Anyhow, I’m really looking forward to reading books for fun! What a novel concept. I cannot wait. First up, will probably be The Promise (the book about Obama’s first year of presidency). I had it on my to read list – the list is over 500 books long – but I didn’t want to read it anytime soon. But my dad gave it to me so I’m going to delve in. People have raved about it. I’m interested to know what could possibly be so *new* about Obama’s first year…after all I do follow the news but I’ll read it anyway.

    My job will pay for an associates, a BA, Masters or PHD. They won’t pay for my certification. I talked to one school about their associate program. It sounded interesting and wow, I’ll get reimbursed! Then I told her I had my BA and she said, “Why would you want to go back?? I always say go forward.” Ummmmmmm, a Masters won’t do shit for me. I would only get one if I could take 1 class a semester and be reimbursed. That would take forever but I don’t hate school…

    So I did look into getting my Masters again. I looked at the classes and found most of them boring. I have zero desire to be a manager. I see what they do everyday. *yawn* I’ll take my job with much less pay. I wish I could be a teacher. But with this standardized test BS and my inability to um, speak – not an option. Of course one day, I’m going to be “fine” and say I wish I would have gotten my Masters in Education or in whatever I wanted to teach.

    I’m not counting on that ever happening. But it could. And if I get the teaching bug, I would probably get into tutoring. I would rather get an associates or another BA but first I have to get finish with what I’m doing now. Winter 2011, I’m all in.

    ———-
    I have finals next week and instead of studying I’ve been captivated by a blog – Childfreedom. How could I not heard of this blog before?? I can relate to so much of it. It’s so funny because it’s true. Comedy. Let me backtrack a little: All of my life I have wanted a house full of animals. Dogs, birds, guinea pigs, pigs, fish, sheep, cats etc. But this past weekend with the Mayer concert, I am now rethinking even getting a dog. (My dog lives with my mom. I got her when I was 18 then went away to college at 20. Boring story…) If I had just one dog, I would have to board the dog. That’s more $. Besides I want two dogs. Not happening. I think I realized it this past weekend more than ever because things were more spontaneous than I’m used to. I tend to try to plan things out. I’m so glad my 4 year old cat can take care of herself. I guess the dream of having a zoo won’t be happening….ever. 😦 Of course if I can’t have my dream zoo, NO KIDS.

    Back to the blog: The funniest is The Bitch and Backpedal. Parents do this alllll the time. That is why I’ll try (very hard) never to say, “that’s why I have/want kids.” Because they will take back everything they said. And talk about how great being a parent is. Yeah right. You aren’t fooling me. Excerpt:

    And then, without thinking, it slips out of you. “Man, I am so glad I don’t have kids.”

    That is the trigger for The Backpedal. Abruptly the gears come to a screeching halt and the parent reverses into an alternate self, like the little girl in The Exorcist after the demon is exorcised from her, or Sybill when she switches between her multiple personalities. Their entire demeanor changes. Their face softens and takes on a glowy hue. Suddenly parenthood isn’t bad at all. In fact, it’s downright peachy! It’s the most important job in the world and they can’t imagine having any other life. You really don’t know what you’re missing. Those little moments when the child says, “I love you mommy and daddy” make it so worth it. There is nothing like the feeling of those little arms around your neck. It is a love that is stronger than any love they have ever felt. They are a better person for having kids – they have grown so much as a person and aren’t so selfish anymore. The entire human race is better off because they have kids. Being a parent is so wonderful and their most important and gratifying role in life. (At this point, they’re worried you aren’t buying it, so to bolster their position they whip out the photo album

    LOL. So true. Ah, parents, gotta stand them. 🙂 I’m on to you guys. I’m not being fooled.

    I don’t care what other people do with their lives. But the whole entitlement thing is what really pisses me off. I try not to think about it. PARENTING IS A CHOICE. You chose to have a kid. I don’t think you are a good person because you have a kid – where does that BS come from? I have to laugh at it. Um, yeah I made a choice to have a kid(s), and now I’m forced to deal with their crap for 18+ years. Yeah it sucks but you know it was a CHOICE right???? People act like they just had to do it. It is the weirdest thing to me.

    Know what really grates on my nerves? The Motherhood Badge of Martyrdom that some women wear emblazoned on their being. It can be spotted from a mile away. Women who wear this badge like to portray themselves as some kind of saintly beings for all they sacrifice in their role as mother.

    For some reason, this behavior is not only tolerated from mothers, it’s expected and reinforced. Always there is this perception of mothers as self-sacrificing saints, who give tirelessly of themselves for the benefit of others. The longer they stand on their martyr pedestal, the more we are supposed to recognize how hard they work, how wonderful they are and bow down to worship them appropriately. This is such a crock of BS.

    Now I’m getting worked up! Read more of that entry here.

    Childfree people (by choice*) go check out Childfreedom. You will find a little solace there. There are people like you! They know they have a CHOICE whether to have a kid. They THINK about it.

    *I believe childfree is the term used for when it is always a CHOICE. While people who want kids (one day) are childless. I didn’t make up the terms. I do love childFREE though because yeah, I probably have a little more freedom than some parents because I CHOSE not to have children. I don’t think I have anymore money though…In my last post I said I don’t identify by gender, sexuality or ethnicity but I do identify very much as childfree…MAYBE BECAUSE IT IS A CHOICE???!!! Seriously I think it is because children and parenting get shoved down everyone’s throat so much. Don’t tell me how great it is. I know you are lying. I’m not dumb. It sucks a lot.

    But unlike some, I realize people are different and some people choose to have kids. They thought about it. They enjoy it. Baffling I know, but these people do exist. I could care less what whether a person has a kid or not but please stop trying to convert others with “It is the best thing you’ll ever do!” etc. Oh, really?? Because deciding not to have kids has been my best (non) decision ever.
    ———-
    I’m going to study for an hour and go to bed. Uh, I mean that is my plan.

    childfree is my responsibility

    I retweeted this article but I have to post excerpts here. It’s written by the uber cool Lisa Hymas. It is soooooooo awesome. 🙂

    Say it loud: I’m childfree and I’m proud

    Childfree people tread too gingerly around parents, as though we might wound their feelings if we told the truth about why we’ve made different decisions than they have.  But we insult them by thinking they’re so fragile or insecure about their family choicesand we shortchange ourselves and society at large by not speaking openly about the legitimate choice to not have a child.

    Once again people think everything is about them! HELLO? This is my thing, my life, & my decision. I knew posting this article would piss off some “friends” so I’m not going to do it. Some people are insecure about choices…I am about a few of mine.

    I am thoroughly delighted by the fact that the most humane thing for me to do is to have no children at all.

    Word. And knowing this with every fiber of my being is comforting. It is the only thing I know for sure.

    If being a parent is something you’ve longed and planned for, or already embarked upon, I respect your choice and I wish you luck.  Go forth and raise happy, healthy kids.  May they bring you joy and fulfillment, and may they become productive members of society who faithfully pay their Social Security taxes.

    Of course, you parents and parent wannabes don’t need my encouragementour society supports your decision overwhelmingly.

    Yep go for it. I do think the encouragement is unnecessary. What if the person/couple can’t have kids? People don’t need the pressure. We don’t know the person’s situation. Some people don’t want kids…and thei “encouragement” is annoying (and sometimes rude).

    Yes, as a childfree person, I’ll miss out on a lot: The miracle of childbirth (though, truth be told, I don’t feel so bad about skipping that one).  The hilariously perceptive things that only kids say.  A respectable excuse for rereading the Harry Potter series.  The hope that my kid will be smarter and cooler and better looking than I ever was.  More boisterous holiday celebrations.  Someone to carry on the family name (assuming I won the arm-wrestling match with my partner over whose name the kid would actually get).  Maybe even the satisfaction of helping a child grow into a well-educated, well-adjusted adult, and the peace of mind of knowing there’s someone to take care of me in my old age.

    I have a problem with the last sentence. That is no guarantee. Look around and the last thing I would want is to be a burden to my kid! The miracle of childbirth? What about hours of agonizing pain? No, thank you. I’d would like to skip 100% of things on that list. Those aren’t the only “good” things, right? The tax breaks need to be added. That’s a good thing.

    If you’re intentionally childfree, how many times have you been asked, “So, when are you going to have children?” and mumbled a less-than-candid reply: “Oh, I’m not sure,” or “Well, it just might not happen for us,” or “Maybe someday …” when what you really mean is “Never.”

    What would happen if you answered the kid question honestly? “No, I’m happy with my life as is,” or “A child doesn’t fit into our life plans,” or “Kids aren’t really my thing,” or “I think there are plenty of people on the planet already.”

    I don’t have a problem telling the truth when asked a question especially one as presumptuous as that. I had to laugh at the latter paragraph. “Kids aren’t really my thing,” is how I naturally talk. lol. Now I have the strong urge to say that out loud. Most people are presumptuous enough to not ask ME about having kids. 😉

    The comments to the article are worth reading. BTW, the article is about how not having kids is good for the planet. It isn’t a “yay, I don’t have kids” article. Also check out her response article: Debunking the “you’d be a great green parent” argument