Tarot reading and crystals

I’m getting really frustrated with the Tarot reading woman. I even emailed her on Friday, and she hasn’t emailed me back yet. I paid for a general reading on March 29. The reading is supposed to take place via email. Her website says it might take 7 days for a reading. Fine. It has been more than 7 days. I really looked up to her. She is one of the people I wanted to model my business after. She gives great readings on YouTube. Not 100% accurate for me, but those are general readings.

Well, I no longer admire her business skills. I won’t bash her by name. LOL. I’m glad I didn’t link to her. Oh well. I may try to get my money back from, or I might just count it as a loss if I never get the reading. I’m not sure how that works because I’ve never had to get a refund for a service not rendered. I thought I used Paypal, but I didn’t. I used my bank debit card.

I would be mortified if I did this to a customer. I’m sure I won’t be perfect. People make mistakes. I just want to know if she is ignoring me on purpose. I know the beginning of the month is busy for some Tarot card readers. I will probably stop watching her videos. This sucks for me because I used to really look forward to them. This leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.

UPDATE!!! I love her. Okay, I need to chill out. Thirty minutes ago she sent me an MP3 of the reading and a picture of my cards. I love that she does that, and it also makes me jealous because I am not a talker, so I don’t really want to do MP3s, but it’s great for business so I have to get better at speaking. I talk so fast. Anyway, the reading scared the shit out of me. Basically, it said I was losing my job. Um, now what? I’m not ready to start a Tarot business right now. I don’t want to even look for another job.

I’m in training at my current job. I’m all in there for the next 2-3 years. I don’t have a desire to leave. No plans. The tower card was in my spread. That basically means something is coming out of the blue. I think that means I’m going to see a layoff or firing happening. Fuck. I hope she’s wrong.

My future looks great according to her reading. No problems there. I just have to get through the present or near present. Something big is happening, and I have to get through that to see the good.

I have to listen to the recording again and again and again. 65% of the things she said resonated with me which seems low. She was talking about a relationship, but I know I have to translate that to my job. All I do is work. There aren’t any romantic relationships here. Hmmm. It’s impossible to know whether she’s “right” because I don’t even know what’s happening tomorrow. I have to listen to it in a month to give her a final grade.

Thanks for scaring me. 😉  I get scared when I do readings for myself. Most of my readings have been very positive when it comes to the Tarot business I want to start. My readings have also been true about my current job for the most part. So I don’t know what to think. We agree on one thing: my future looks good. I have to admit that I sometimes find that hard to believe.

I have new crystals! I know I said I wouldn’t buy anymore. I started reading about crystals that help with intuition, and I had to do a crystal haul. Here are my new ones:


Sorry for the blurriness. I like the tumbled stones better because I can put them in my bra. 😉 Well, I only travel with one crystal. I don’t wear them around the house, only when I go out. My point is I love looking at the big crystals, but they don’t work for me because I can’t carry them around.

The crystals pictured above are:

  • amethyst
  • smoky quartz
  • K2 stone (AKA azurite)
  • malachite
  • black tourmaline
  • lepidolite
  • black kyanite

I have to go because I have an early night tonight. 😦 I have to go into the office tomorrow to work. Bummer. I shouldn’t be there all day. The guy said my new computer is almost ready to go. I was in the office all day on Friday because my work computer stopped working. I should get a new laptop tomorrow. Please don’t give me another desktop. Well, as long as I have something to work on from home, I’m fine. I just know that most people have been getting a new laptop, so I want one too.

One more thing: While in the office on Friday, I had an in-person meeting with my manager and it went fine. Sometimes I am so much better in person than I am on the phone. Not that I want to have in-person meetings with my manager. LOL. Sigh. I hope I get a new laptop tomorrow morning. ::crossing fingers::


Update: I didn’t get a laptop. I got a much smaller desktop instead. Whatever. It’s not like I was going to travel and work with the laptop. But now I’m back to working from home. YAY! Everything isn’t working right though. Argh! I have to try to fix it myself.

The one that got away

I could have a new job. But references got in the way. I didn’t even need to fucking interview!!! They liked my resume, my experience, and my certifications. All I needed were managerial references. Our company has a policy that our managers can’t be references, but that wasn’t the real reason I didn’t get that job. Even without that policy, I would have a hard time getting a reference.

You know that crappy cover letter I sent? Apparently, it wasn’t so crappy. She called and we talked and I was very close to having a new job. My first thoughts were I guess I’m not going to LA. I was supposed to start ASAP so there’s no way I could still go to LA and take the job.

My second thoughts were about leaving my work at home position and leaving my dog alone all day every day. He is so used to me being there all day. I know the dog thing is very lame, but I would worry about him being alone all day. And who doesn’t want to work from home?? Of course, I would hate to leave that. But to better my career, I would have to do that.

Ugh. At first, I was fine with not getting the job. But now I feel lame. I knew I had a reference problem. I’ve known this my whole adult life! Sigh. I’ll just keep working from home and one day I’ll find the perfect opportunity at the perfect time.

Right now is not the best time to leave my job. It’s not just about LA. 😉 I can cancel that trip and not lose too much money. In fact, I was thinking about it before the whole job thing. I’m STILL thinking about not going. I lose more money by going than by canceling the trip.

Without Abilify, I’m more practical. That is why I want off of Abilify. But today I was thinking about going back on because the mornings suck. I can still work. If I couldn’t work, I’d go back on the med in a second. I couldn’t eat breakfast this morning. Eventually, I’m going to stop fixing breakfast because all I’m doing is wasting food.

And the new birth control. WTF? Maybe my body just hates BC. The great thing is I can let it dissolve in my mouth! The bad thing is I have to take food with it or I feel very, very sick. Today I took it with food and I still felt a little sick.

I feel sick now. I don’t know if it’s the depression, the birth control or something I ate. blah.

Oh, and the OB/GYN called me to tell me my iron was low. No shit. I’m going back to taking iron pills. She said that she hoped I stopped bleeding. ROFL. I’ve only taken the BC twice. Is she serious? She left a voicemail so I didn’t talk to her. I hope it does stop the bleeding before I go to LA…if I go to LA.

Today has been a weird day.

Fine as I am but I want more

*******BREAKING NEWS***********

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I have a phone interview on Tuesday for the work at home position! I’m pretty sure this is full-time, but I know they hire part-time people too. I would take either. The good thing is I have a three day weekend to prepare for this interview, and it is on the telephone since everyone works virtually. YES! I’m worried about my references, though. I have to get that straight. I gave them three references, but only two are real. Don’t laugh. One of my references died.

Anyway, I took the test and made a 74. The cutoff was 70! I can’t believe they are still interested. Wow. This is what I took the board exam for in 2014. Yep, and this is what I have my certification in. I don’t have a lot of work experience in this field. Well, at least I know what I will be doing this weekend. Studying.

So exciting…but I’m very nervous. Work at home job?? Hello? Of course, I feel the pressure. I feel like this may be my only shot. There aren’t a lot of these floating around.

I also applied for a part-time job on Wednesday. I haven’t heard back yet. This job is in retail, so I’m not dying to get it. The pay is decent.


I’ve found a few great overeaters anonymous meetings. I probably should get an OA sponsor, but the requirements are talking to your sponsor once a day (no big deal) and calling three strangers a day. I would have to go from talking to no one to talking to four people a day???! No way. I would have to ease into that. That’s a big leap for someone like me.

I’m annoyed by those requirements. There are other things too like seeing a nutritionist which I think is a great idea, but I don’t think health insurance will pay for any of it. I’m not overweight* and I don’t have any major physical health issues related to eating so there’s no way it will seem necessary.

(*I was going to mention my weight in this entry, but this is a long entry so I’ll do a separate entry on it later next week. Let’s just say I got my ass on the treadmill today).

The other requirement is abstaining from sugar. That is where a nutritionist would come in for me. I’ve been thinking about it and it, wouldn’t be that hard, but my food bill would go up. I eat biscotti for breakfast three days a week because I love it 🙂 and it’s affordable. It’s also low calorie. I’m still thinking about this. I will definitely lower my sugar intake because sugar is my drug. But complete abstinence? Help!

My point is that if I’m not ready to do the requirements, then there is no point in getting a sponsor. I will appear not ready to change. And I’m not ready to talk to 4 people a day on the phone. But the other things, I’m willing to do.

I did find an atheist OA group. That’s nice.

As far as debtors anonymous goes, I’ve only found one meeting  I love. They meet once a week.  I’m still looking for another meeting. All 12 step groups seem to tell newbies to go to as many groups as possible in the first 90 days, so that’s what I’m doing.

This week I…

Music of the week: Halsey, Britney Spears, Carly Rae Jepsen, Ariana Grande, Ingrid Michaelson, Myzica, Ellie Goulding, Lauren Aquilina

I thought Britney’s VMA performance was pretty good. It’s not her fault she had to follow Beyonce. I still don’t get the Beyonce love. I need someone to explain it to me. She lip syncs sometimes. She doesn’t write (that much?) She does put on a good show. I’ll give her that. I think I hate Beyonce’s fakeness. People really believes she sings, writes and comes up with stuff. BTW, I know Beyonce can sing live. She just chooses not to. She probably has valid reasons. Why tire your voice out when you don’t have to? No one is calling her on it.

I know Britney rarely writes. She lip syncs 98% of the time. But we know what we’re getting with her.  People wonder why she doesn’t dance anymore. It’s because she had a severe knee injury. She had surgery on it.  Some people think both of her knees are injured. I hope not, but I don’t know. Anyway,  that is why she can’t dance like she used to.

TV of the week:  Grey’s Anatomy, Big Brother, Survivor

Movie of the week: I watched the worst lesbian movie ever made. It’s called Loving Annabelle. It was so bad. I can’t believe I finished it. I was bored. It’s about a student and teacher “falling in love” with each other. Yes, that belong in quotes because there was nothing there. It started out with such promise. The premise was good.

Book of the week: I’m reading:

I’m on a waiting list for a few books. I hope I get a book or two over the weekend.

Plans for the Weekend: Well, I was going to mow the lawn, but now I’m studying for this interview. I might mow the lawn over the weekend, but my yard isn’t that bad. Maybe it can wait a week? Not sure. I might stay home for the whole holiday weekend!  YAY! As if I don’t stay home enough. lol. But I rarely stay home on the weekend. I haven’t decided yet. So I don’t have any plans (besides interview prep).

If you’re in the path of the tropical storm: Stay safe! I don’t think we are getting much. It’s cooler, and it’s probably going to rain a little….and it just started raining. I hope it stops from time to time. My dog doesn’t like going outside in heavy rain.

Have a great weekend!

Got to move on cause bitches gotta eat

I already blogged about my Thursday part-time job interview (see below). I’m seriously considering looking for a full-time job. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m going to start looking this weekend. The main problem is that I don’t have a lot of experience in what I’m certified in. I’m worried that I could be called in for an interview, and then they see I have next to no experience. It is VERY common for human resources not to read the resume before they schedule the interview. This has happened to me, and I haven’t had that many interviews. Sigh

Anyway, I no longer love my full-time job anymore. I like working from home and that’s about it. The job is harder than it used to be and very stressful. Not that what I’m certified in is easy…NOT AT ALL. lol. So I’m kind of screwed. This is why I’m looking for another career. I want something totally different.

I’m starting to doubt myself while I’m working. I’m getting close to saying ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ Okay, sometimes I have said that to myself. I have to get out. It’s official: I’m looking for a different full-time job. I did see one job I’m qualified for with my certification. The only downside is that it is from a temp agency, but it is permanent. So I may apply.

EDITED TO ADD: I just applied for a full-time job as a lab assistant. I definitely qualify. I think I would LOVE this job. It sounds divine. I hope the pay is at least what I’m making now. I won’t take a pay cut (at this moment). I don’t want to go on a ton of interviews for jobs with low pay. Interviews not only take time, they are stressful.  In my cover letter, I stated how much money I make. I just hope they read that line. PLEASE. I hope they do more than just glance over my resume. Isn’t their time money?

I’m just worried about going on interviews for jobs that don’t pay enough. Since I have a job, I want to interview for jobs that pay at least $16.00 an hour. If I didn’t have a job, I would be willing to go on interviews for jobs that pay a little less. I won’t quit my job (that’s what I’m saying for now). They will have to get rid of me. I’m sure some people wouldn’t mind that. 😉

I’m waiting to hear back about the part-time job. If I got the right FT job, I probably wouldn’t need the PT job. But who knows? I’m not worried about that right now.

My second trunk from Trunk Club is coming on Tuesday. I’m getting 15 items this time. I’ll do an entry on it and I’ll unbox it live on Snapchat (kat3x5). Some of the pieces of clothing are expensive. Over $200 for a blouse etc. I have ten days to decide. Hopefully, I will know about the PT job by then. Not that I want to spend all that money on clothes. I only get Trunk Club 4 times a year or so. Any PT money is going 75% to bills and 25% to savings.  Eventually, I want the majority to go straight to savings.

This week I…

Music of the week: Ariana Grande,  Christina Aguilera, Lukas Graham, Ellie Goulding, Tori Kelly, Fifth Harmony, Maxwell, Switchfoot

The new Maxwell is definitely worth a listen.

TV of the week:  Grey’s Anatomy, Big Brother, tennis (Wimbledon)

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: I didn’t get to read for leisure at all this week. I was studying for my interview. The only book I want to read now is The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins. It is due on Tuesday and I haven’t started it. I doubt I finish it this weekend, but I will try.

Planner update: Plans for June 27-July 2 in my Erin Condren neutral planner:


This layout took a lot of time. I did a lot of this last week. I won’t have time to have it this nice and color coordinated every week. This planner is more of a diary of what I did than a planner…I guess it is both.

Plans for the Weekend:  I’m mowing the lawn on Sunday or Monday. Other than that, I will be doing a new cover letter (I lost all my old ones over the years) for a job in my field. I will change it for each job, but I want the basics down. I may update my resume too. I’m off on Monday, July 11. It would nice to have an interview for a FT job on that day, but I’m definitely not counting on it. Hell, I’ll take an interview for a PT job. I guess I should be doing both??  I need to stop thinking about this. Overwhelm. All I know is that my dog will go crazy if I’m gone all the time for TWO jobs. I don’t know what I’ll do with him if that happens. He won’t be happy.

Enjoy your weekend! 🙂 Trunk Club post within the next week.

I know its gonna be

I think I know what I want to be when I grow up! It’s scary to say that. I’m only mentioning this on this blog because usually when I say things like this, the strong feeling goes away and I sort of need it to go away because school costs a lot of money. Yes, I would have to go back to school.

I don’t mind going back to school. I just can’t afford it. lol. I would have to get a career certificate first and then an associates degree. I need a Bachelor’s to apply for a license (lots of testing). But I already have one in psychology (minor in business), so I don’t need another one. Thank Buddha.

What career is it? I can’t hold it in any longer. 🙂 I want to be an interpreter for the deaf. I’ve been obsessed with sign language since I was ten years old. I’ve forgotten a lot of American Sign Language (ASL). Of course, I still know the alphabet and a few words. But my ASL is just as good as my Spanish at the moment. I can’t understand when other people “speak” it. I really need to go to school for this. I have a lot to learn.

Unfortunately, social anxiety does get in the way of this. I’m sure there are a ton of SHY interpreters, but social anxiety is totally different. So I’ve got that hurdle to jump. I guess if I go to school, I will have to sign with others and give oral reports in ASL. (scary!) So if I can survive classes, that would be a good thing.

And I have another issue I’ve never blogged about (and probably never will) that would affect ALL job/career options.

There’s money for school, social anxiety, and something unmentionable that affects me pursuing this. But I believe it is never too late to figure it out. If a person knows what they want to do at age 18, I consider that person VERY lucky. I didn’t have any role models with careers. No one in my family went to a university (until after me). So I’m figuring this out all on my own. I’m a late bloomer, and I’m 100% fine with that.

…Except going back to school would delay travel plans (outside of the United States) and buying a house in the country. But that isn’t a big deal to me. I would choose a fulfilling career I think I would love over those things.

I haven’t told anyone IRL about this. I might tell my therapist on Wednesday if we have time to get to it. I can’t believe I’m going back to therapy after months of not going, but that is another entry. I know telling people would result in their opinions and judgments and I’m not feeling that. Whatever! My life, my decision.

Registration for fall classes starts next week! I kid you not. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I probably won’t attend school in the fall. It’s a money issue. But I do plan to be in school in the spring IF I decide to pursue this. I will probably skip every other semester due to the cost. So it will take a while. It’s definitely not happening overnight.

So I’m putting this out there. Usually, this would make me not want to do it. I’m going to hit publish and see if it works this time.

sometimes you got to rewrite the plot

I read the Time article on “The Childfree Life”. It was good and fair. It relied on facts and stats. I’m a sucker for stats. I might pick up a physical copy this weekend. I learned one thing this weekend. (Well I sort of knew this but this cemented it). I mentioned the Time article to someone. NEVER mention being childfree to a parent. I don’t fully understand it. Do they regret their choice? Are they jealous? Do they resent us? Is it a combination? I care about other people’s feeling so fine, I won’t mention it.* People and their issues. Sigh. I’ll just be a quiet little girl…for the most part.

*I will occasionally blog about it but I won’t say the word “childfree” to a parent. Warning: I’m going to mention being childfree once in this post because um, I am.


I don’t have career goals. That is a no-no for a single, college educated, childfree woman. Why don’t you have kids? Too busy with the career. Why aren’t you dating? Are you kidding me, no time it is all about working and climbing that ladder . You have a college degree? What are you going to do with it?

I don’t fit the single/childfree woman stereotype at all. I’m not career oriented. Never have been.

I didn’t go to college to get a job, I went for the experience. Even though I was VERY depressed through most of it, I don’t regret going. Of course I wish I could have enjoyed it more…I didn’t know when I dreamed of going to college, I would be depressed. I started dreaming about college at about age 8. I was the first person in my whole extended family to graduate from a university.

I do have goals: traveling and living in the country with no neighbors.  😉 I have to narrow my goals down and those are my two big goals. Of course those goals cost money. I just have to figure it out. Realistically I should probably focus on the country house first, then travel. I’m so glad I spontaneously went to Mexico when I did. Looking at my life now…..I don’t see myself leaving the country in the next 3-5 years. Bummer.

The house is a 10 year goal. (It won’t be an expensive house. Unless the market changes, I should be able to buy a house for $120k or less in the area I want to reside). Hopefully I can start looking in 7 years. As far as travel goes, all the places I want to visit aren’t expensive. For example, I’m dying to take a road trip through North Carolina. But I also want to go to Puerto Vallarta, Greece, Hawaii, Bora Bora etc. I would go anywhere. heh.

Of course I have more, smaller goals. But these are my two big ones that involve planning.

I know this entry is all over the place. This is what I call “blogging it out”. I take my disorganized thoughts and just post. I’m going to the gym for Body Pump. Half of me wants to stay in but I’ve got to get out of the house. Bye.

short term goals 2010


  • Getting my certificate (by 12/2011)
  • Getting certified (by 12/2012?)
  • Learn how to cook
  • Become fluent in Spanish
  • Come up with an efficient system for my clothes/laundry
  • I’ve already been put down for one of these goals. “Are you really going to use that? Why not just use a cookbook?” LOL. I believe in not sharing goals. It has never worked for me in the past. I only shared the cooking thing because I was concerned about a social issue (info below). Some people are closed minded and and only support what they would do with their life. I think that’s bizarre since we all want different things but okay. I haven’t even posted about serious goals online in years. In the past, I’ve only posted long term things.

    Besides the school goals (or career goals – I guess), the other things I’m working on now because in January I start school and will have no time for unnecessary things. Skipping the first two obvious goals, here is a mini breakdown of the others:

    Learn how to cook: I’m taking a 3 hour cooking class for “fun” in October. It is a class for people allergic to gluten, wheat etc. As far as I know I’m not allergic to those ingredients but it has the most interesting menu to me. Besides I’m booked (time and money) in September. I’ll just say, “I don’t know how to cook at all and this menu interested me the most”. Because I know they are going to makes us do intros. (UGH!) People don’t understand that a cook book is like a foreign language to non-cookers.

    I think one class will be enough for me to get the basics down. Then I will be able to follow regular recipes without going “What?!” This class consists of 3-4 quick meals from scratch. Quick for me means microwave. Heh. I wish I thought doing this would save me money but I’m doing the healthy* thing also. I’ve already checked prices and I know healthy cooking isn’t cheaper than what I’m doing now. Until this weekend, I thought um “making” your own food was healthier but I just read a Korean recipe that had 800mgs of sodium!! In ONE serving. I’m so disappointed. I know packaged food with less sodium than that. 😦

    *As far as healthy goes, I’m focusing mainly on low sodium and high fructose corn syrup. That is how I shopped this weekend. I read the labels on everything before I put it into my basket. Major bummer that the breakfast bars I eat on weekdays, have HFC in them. I wasn’t planning on have none in my diet…those aren’t the cheapest bars, I’ll find an alternative in the future.

    Become fluent in Spanish – I can read spanish on a 3rd grade level but I can’t speak it or write it on much of any level. Is that strange? lol. Probably not. I’m going full speed ahead on this right now. I need to use it more in my daily life so I won’t forget it. I’ve been saying Si instead of Yes for so many years that it doesn’t even occur to me that it is a spanish word. Luckily I don’t think people catch it too often since it is pronounced “see”…but I have gotten looks. 🙂 I’m going to start writing a lot of my paper journal entries in spanish. I’ve been listening to spanish music for years. I’m just sick of knowing a bunch of words but not being able to speak fluently.

    And it may be helpful with any travel plans or jobs. Who knows?

    Come up with an efficient system for my clothes/laundry I live in a 600 sq foot house with no real closets. Need I say more? I’ve never had a problem with organizing until I moved here. Living with a cat doesn’t help the situation at all. Good luck to me trying to sell this place. EVER. Anyhow, this has to be solved by January.

    So there it is. It easier to come up with this list because all I had to do was ask myself: What do I want to do before I’m back in school this winter? This past summer school session really made me focus. I am going to remind myself daily not to spend much valuable spend time OR money on things not aligned with these goals. I have a hard time working on long terms goals because there are so many things I want to do. These things I WILL do.