I see behind the mask

By now, everyone has seen the Kristen Stewart quote, but I’m still going to post it because this is what I’ve been saying for years:

I think in three or four years, there are going to be a whole lot more people who don’t think it’s necessary to figure out if you’re gay or straight. It’s like, just do your thing.

I could not agree more. I know some people NEED the label of gay or straight but some people don’t. I need a label for a few things but in general, I don’t like labels. I don’t feel the need to label myself “asexual”, but some people need to know there is a name for it. People think there is something wrong with them. Imagine being the only one is attracted to the same gender or the only one with no sexual attraction. That would make a person feel very strange, but just knowing there is a name and there are other people like you makes things a little better.

If I ever have sex (DOUBTFUL), I will definitely experiment. I won’t tie myself down to only men or women. For now, I feel no need for it. I think I’m asexual as they come. No need to do the deed. 🙂

I’m stuck between 127 and 128 pounds. I’m going to Red Lobster a week from today. I will have a slight cheat day. The only cheating I will do involves eating the salad and bread. The main dish will still be healthy and under 300 calories. However, if I’m still stuck at 128 in a week, I may do a full on cheat day next Friday. 😉 I’ll eat whatever I want.  What a concept! That can be dangerous at Red Lobster.

Next week will be busy. Full of non-fun things. I will be studying for a test to keep my certification. I’m taking the test in September. I think I’m taking it September 26th, but I might move it up a week. I get to take the test at home. I’m going to drop my dog off at doggy daycare for the day even though he probably won’t bug me too much. He may have to go outside and the test is timed (3.5 hours). Most people say they finished the test way before time was up. I hope I can say the same.

This week I…

Music of the week: Tori Kelly, Rico Love, Natalie Imbruglia, Joss Stone, John Mayer, Jennifer Pena, Bea Miller, Nina Simone

Song of the week: Laura Welsh – Hardest Part (Live)

Watched: Big Brother, Dexter

Movies of the week:  none

Books of the week:

I finished Between The World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. Wow. This book will be required reading in schools. It deserves a series of entries. There is so much to say. “Wow” about sums it up for this small spot. I will listen to it again (I have the audiobook. I have to return the library book). It is a very short book, btw. Quick read…unless you are trying to read a million books at once. President Obama is reading the book this summer.  Smart man. 😉

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty on page 246

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeon I don’t think this book is for me…right now. It seems to be for people with social demands.  I kind of have one person I need to set boundaries with.

The Tapping Solution A Revolutionary System for Stress-Free Living by Nick Ortner Science pretty much says tapping is BS. But I’m giving it a chance. I did it twice and I still have social anxiety. :/ It did relax me, though. Sort of like meditation. This is perfect to do before bed. Tapping is supposed to help with physical and mental pain. I’m definitely skeptical.

Planner update:

plans of the week
plans of the week

you can call it sabotage

I should be relieved after the meeting with my manager but now I am more fearful than ever! She was just going over the first half of the year. NOW is the problem. &%$# I just hate living in this fear. But at least I have my job and I know what can/will happen in the future. (not good). Fuck. She knows I have been a good worker for several years. She knows they are after me.  She made that clear without directly saying it. She can’t say it. She basically told me to do what I am already doing: control what I can control. But it is too late…They came after me quickly and all at once.

Too damn late. Well, I have to go back to not worrying too much about it. Easier said than done but I’ve done it in the past so I can do it now. It’s hard to get work done when you’re working in fear. It’s hard to live when you’re living in fear. I’m overthinking and overanalyzing. Not good.

Thanks for any and all good vibes. 🙂

—————

This week I…

Music of the week:  Tori Kelly, Bea Miller, Broods, Florence + the Machine, Paramore,  Shelby Lynne, Crystal Lewis, Ed Sheeran

Song of the week: Johnnyswim – Over

Johnnyswim is a duo. The female singer is the daughter of Donna Summer. Please listen. You’ll fall in love.

Watched: Big Brother, Dexter, James Holmes trial

In less than a week, the republican debate will be on! Exciting times. Trump or no Trump. I love politics (except when it hurts people). I’m only bummed because the republicans have cut back on their debates. I’m not sure what the democrats are doing debate wise. I think they thought it would just be Hilary for the win. Since that is no longer the case, they need to think about debates. I’ll be watching.

Speaking of politics and TV, unfortunately, I was right about MSNBC. Three more shows are gone. I only really liked Alex’s show, but I won’t be watching anymore. Their daytime stuff is becoming unwatchable. I know this will make me sound like a bad mom, BUT I leave my TV on (mute) for my dog. He looooves watching TV. lol. He really gets into it. The problem occurs when an animal comes on the screen. He starts running toward the TV and barking. That sucks if I’m sleeping so I have to remember to turn the TV off before I sleep. I often forget.

I have to do an entry on politics. That always goes over well. 😉 For now, I just want to say: Some Bernie Sanders supporters are getting on my nerves and don’t sleep on Martin O’Malley (MARYLAND in the house). I don’t support anyone running as of right now. I’m sure I will change my mind later on. I just don’t care enough right now. Too early plus I’m a little cynical about politics at the moment.

Movies of the week:  I started watching a transgender documentary but just wasn’t into it.

Books of the week: I finished Something Must Be Done About Prince Edward County: A Family, a Virginia Town, a Civil Rights Battle by Kristen Green. Good to average book. Read it if you’re interested in how the schools being integrated (or not) affected blacks.

I’m juggling 3 books right now. Luther: The Life and Longing of Luther Vandross by Craig Seymour. I’m not a Luther fan, but people have recommended this book. I love reading books about musicians. I never knew the stuff about David Bowie or Bette Midler. Fascinating. So far I feel like I have a lot in common with Luther.

Between The World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. So many great quotes. I might have to share some next week. I’m listening to it on Audible while I read it on my kindle. This is a great way to experience a book. I love the way Coates says “Baltimore”.

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty  So far there is a lot of kid talk. I have no idea what this book is about. I’m going in 100% blind. Hopefully the main focus is the adults. I love reading about teens/young adults* but kids in kindergarten? No. I will give it a decent chance before giving up.

*If I ever write a book it will be about a teen or college student with social anxiety. Write what you know.

Guess what I plan on doing this weekend? Lots of reading. Yay.

I just wanna yell

Two days after I downloaded Ta-Nehisi Coates’ new book from Audible, the library offers an ebook version of it! argh! And it was available. WTF is wrong with people? Read the damn book. Are people not paying attention???  To be fair, at last count 17 people were waiting for the 3D version of the book at my local library. So everyone isn’t sleeping. Anyway, I’m glad it was available. 🙂 Now I (temporarily) have two versions. Some people read the book and listen to the Audible version at the same time. I have never tried that, but I think I will with some of this book. Just to see how it goes…

Geeking out on books. Yes!

——–

I have a perfect example of how “doing your best” is not always enough. But I don’t want to share because I don’t know who reads and I don’t want anyone to figure out who I’m talking about. It is sort of obvious. I’ll try:

Someone is sick. O is trying her best to take care of this person. The best is all she has. But guess what? It isn’t good enough. The person needs more help. More resources. Doing your best isn’t always good enough. I think passing this lie around is part of the problem. People really think if they do their best then they are doing the right thing. Uh, no. Please stop with the doing your best BS. I do my best at lots of things. Guess what? Not good enough. I’m reminded daily.

Sometimes people have options. When doing your best is not enough, please look into getting help or other resources.

I had to get that off my chest. I could’ve said a ton more. Too bad I can’t talk any sense to O. I’ve tried. Didn’t work. I’m done. I just want to scream: JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST, DOESN’T MAKE IT RIGHT. Too bad someone is not getting the best care because this person truly believes if she does her best then that is enough. She has a record of this type of thinking, btw. The lies we tell…

————-

Speaking of lies…I’m so annoyed at females right now. They were told in the very early 1900s that they needed to shave their underarms for hygiene reasons. What a joke. In 2015, women are still shaving their armpits. Some of them actually believe it is for hygiene reasons!!! Well then: why don’t men have to shave? This all started due to strapless dresses and what MEN WANT. Simple as that.

Again: What a fucking joke. Okay, I’m being selfish because I don’t shave. I have no desire to and I want that to be okay. What women do for men. It’s a shame. I know almost every female would say they shave because they want to. Sure. And I know men and women reading this are going “gross” so I’ll stop. 😉

————–

I go to the doctor tomorrow for a checkup. I haven’t had a checkup in 3 years. I hope she doesn’t ask the sex questions. Everyone isn’t into sex. yadda, yadda, yadda. Oh! I have the perfect quote for this. I just read it last night.

I lived for the love of music. Maybe that’s why when everyone was forming couples and falling in love, when romance was all around me, I missed out. I was distracted. My life was in the headphones. It might have been lonely in there, but I had no choice. By then, music was an obsession. It still is.

-Luther Vandross (1990)

It is hard to believe there is something out there better than music. Love that quote because it is nice knowing other people out there get it. Other people are crazy passionate about music too. Music = life.

Just waiting for me to fail

I think it is time for me to start looking for another job. 😦 I didn’t want this to happen now. I need to keep this job until at least June 2016. I’m not quitting. (At least I don’t think so. Time will tell….)  They will have to “let me go”.  The more I think about it, the more I should apply for other jobs NOW. My mind is spinning. How do you answer the “Why were you fired” question during interviews? Lie?  Sigh, I don’t want to think about it. I can’t say the WHY of all this for obvious reasons. It sucks. I guess the plan for now is just to be frugal. I dunno. And keep selling stuff for extra income.

Despite what is going on, I’m still off next week. I wish I could stay in all week. lol. Never gonna happen. Here’s the plan for the week:

Monday: stay in and clean/organize, post any eBay auctions

Tuesday: laundromat, donate clothes to LGBT shop and take other clothes to the consignment shop

Wednesday: take my dog to the park or go to my favorite park alone. Haven’t decided. I would do both, but I like to get to parks early (9-ish) so I can’t do both.

Thursday: I’m dropping my dog off to get groomed then I will head to the gym for a spin class.

Friday: stay in. Maybe mow the front yard? Not sure.

Nothing exciting. I’m going to be worrying about losing my job. I won’t let it take over my week, but I will be checking my work email to see whether my manager emails me for a meeting. This sucks. Have I said how much this sucks? And no one fully understands the issue so I have no one to talk to about it. You have to work there to understand.

I’ve decided not to donate clothes to The Junior League at this time. I may save those clothes for later or I may just give everything to the LGBT store. I wanted to support The JL because it is a good cause, but I don’t want to make all those stops.

I still haven’t cancelled my gym membership. The truth is when I have to mow the lawn (takes TWO hours), I don’t feel the need to go the gym. I can burn 600+ calories mowing my lawn. So why go to the gym?  I usually take two days to mow my lawn so that is two days of exercise. I used to hate mowing my lawn until I realized how many calories it burned. But when it gets cooler, I’m going to want to go to the gym for a class or two. So for now, I’m thinking about keeping my membership. Some of it depends on my class experience on Thursday. If it REALLY sucks, I will probably ask the front desk how I go about canceling my membership.

This week I…

Music of the week: Tori Kelly, Juanes, Leslie Grace, Tamia, Demi Lovato, Raquel Sofia, Nina Simone, Florence + the Machine

Video of the week – another Tori Kelly song. “It Should’ve Been Us” (Live)

Watched: Chasing Life, The Fosters, Big Brother, Wimbledon

I’m rooting for Serena and Federer. Unfortunately, I won’t get to see Serena play tomorrow because I’ll be out running errands. Can’t wait for the US Open. One day I’m going to New York for that.

Movies of the week: Captivated: The Trials of Pamela Smart (documentary)

Books of the week:  I finished reading Yes Please by Amy Poehler. Good book. I was pleasantly surprised. A better book is Not Fade Away: A Memoir of Senses Lost and Found by Rebecca Alexander. I’m going to finish that this weekend. If you like memoirs at all, you’ll love that book.

I just started reading Something Must Be Done About Prince Edward County: A Family, a Virginia Town, a Civil Rights Battle by Kristen Green. (long title – whew!)

Planner update:

plans of the  week
plans of the week

Now I’m going to make a mix CD of Tori Kelly’s music and read. I might get some cleaning in there too.  #TypicalFridayNight.

Ready to be free

Brief Nutrisystem update: I weigh 134. I haven’t lost weight in a week or two? Ugh. I went to a private NS facebook group and someone is having the same issue except she weighs 136. Well everyone (including nutritionists) seems to be in agreement: HAVE A CHEAT DAY! So guess what? I’m ordering Italian food today..with dessert. hahahaha. I haven’t cheated one day while on NS. This will be my first and only cheat day…unless I get stuck again and it actually works.  I’m so looking forward to later this afternoon. Yes I will cheat my ass off. 🙂 🙂 Hello, red velvet cake!

————

A business (see entry below where I referred to them as “snarky bitches”) has been treating me unfairly. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I can tell you what I’m NOT doing. I’m not obsessing over it anymore. I only think about them when I’m on my way to see them. Why am I mentioning it now? Because I just saw them this week and I will see them twice next week. Should I stop doing business with them? I am giving them my money and they are treating me like shit. BUT, I am getting a service for my money…I’m just proud of myself for not being as offended as I used to be. A change in perspective due to all this REAL bad stuff happening , I guess. (Not bad stuff happening to me – terrible stuff in general happening to others).

Btw, the other customers were flabbergasted by the way I was being treated. She was explaining to them, “I usually try to help new people”. Keep explaining.  I just did my business, walked on by and out the door quietly. Later, I had to LOL at her having to explain her behavior.

———–

I called my PCP (general doctor) on Wednesday to get an appointment in July. The earliest she had was July 28!! How ridiculous is that? The only reason I’m going is because I haven’t seen a doctor in 3+ years. No, I don’t see a OB/GYN either. blah, blah, blah. I know I should. Anyhow, I just want to make sure that Nutrisystem isn’t affecting my health negatively. It really doesn’t matter because once August is here, I will be almost out of NS food. And I won’t be getting anymore.

So yeah, I made a doctor’s appointment because I’m curious about NS. Otherwise I would just keep not going to a doctor. Last time she told me to take a vitamin. Oops! I did for a while and then I quit. That is exactly what I will tell her if she brings it up. It’s been 3 years, she has to give me a break for that. But..the vegetables I’m eating daily -I can’t believe I eat 3-4 servings of veggies a day now!!- might diminish the need for the vitamin. I have no idea. I’m not an expert when it comes to health. I have a lot to learn.

I’m not taking the whole day off since my vacation time is right before that. I’m only taking 2 hours off. I was hoping to go to the doctor during my vacation time. Now I will probably go to the laundromat that day. Fun times. 😉 I also might get some clothes tailored. My life is so exciting! :/ I already had my little trip so no major plans for my week off.

Today is my day off. What did I do? Mow the back lawn. (I mowed the front Wednesday evening). And I ran errands. I also read and repriced items for my upcoming yard sale.

Oh! I did the estate sale. I get to pick up my stuff on Monday. I can’t wait to see the clothes again. Call me a label whore. I have clothes from Nina Ricci, Carolina Herrera, Yves Saint Laurent and more! YAY. I will (hopefully) sell some of these clothes at the yard sale. But I’m definitely keeping a few things. I didn’t get all the clothes I wanted. But I’m happy with what I paid. I did get one vintage purse. Unfortunately it is white and I don’t do white  (cause I can’t take care of it) so I will probably officially open my Etsy shop with that item. Or I may do eBay. I haven’t decided. eBay has been good to me recently. I actually made a profit off of my last two sales.

About the yard sale, I’m leaning towards putting an ad in the newspaper. I’m worried about rain since it is sorta, kinda hurricane season. If a storm is coming or near by on Tuesday, then I won’t bother with the ad because it will most likely be raining during the day (rain is common in the evenings where I live). I have no idea when the deadline is. I’m posting about the sale on free sites at the beginning of next week. I’m pretty much taking pictures of everything this weekend.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Lea Michele, Lissie, Kelly Clarkson, Mariah Carey, Kendrick Lamar, Kina Grannis, Florence + the Machine, Imagine Dragons

Video of the week – Bitch, I’m Madonna (the best. song. evah. despite Nicki Minaj being involved.)

Watched: NBA Finals, Grey’s Anatomy, James Holmes trial

Movie of the week: I’m planning on watching Gone Girl this weekend! I’m sooo excited. I read the book over a year ago so I should be able to enjoy the movie. Unfortunately, I watched the trailer today (whyyyy?)  and now I think I remember more than I wanted to. I hate reading a book and then watching the movie right after. I need at least a year in between.

Books of the week: I finished Eyes on You: A novel of suspense by Kate White. I gave it 3.5 stars out of 5. It was a page turner but it wasn’t great. It’s worth reading if you like suspense and want a quick read.

Also reading: Everyday I fight by Stuart Scott on page 225 I’m trying to finish this book over the weekend. I like his outlook on life. He hated small talk so he practically told people not to do it with him. OTOH, I am just standoffish so people won’t try that crap with me. Anyway, I kind of don’t want it to end. I’m scared of the ending even though I know the ending but what will he say about it? 😦

I should be getting Yes Please by Amy Poehler any day now…but until I get it from the library, I’m going to start Not Fade Away: A Memoir of Senses Lost and Found by Rebecca Alexander.

Article of the week: The True Destructive Force of Your Anxiety – from Scientific American via Salon.

…. This further supports the idea that anxiety, more so than anger or disgust, blinds people to others’ experiences.

Planner update and maybe a movie update later this weekend.

No false hope

UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT: I know how much people love these (sarcasm). I feel bad for Rachel Dolezal. To be the #1 trend on social media for something bad…I just feel for her. I don’t know much about the story. I just know she was passing for black but she’s apparently white. I know race is a social construct. Thankyouverymuch. But tell that to the people that live with racism daily. I’m not going on a tangent about that. At least it doesn’t seem like she is going to lose her job UNLESS she gets charged with a crime. I hate hearing about people losing a job.

She must have known that this would come out eventually. She had to know. Was she scared about it? I would have been living in paralyzing fear. I know she put herself in this position but people don’t have to be so mean about it. And please stop with the #TransRacial stuff. It isn’t funny. Oh, I must add that I know the “blackface” thing isn’t right but the women clearly has issues. I have issues too so I’ll pass on judging her. Another thing, some media outlets are reporting she got into Howard University because they thought she was black. Well, NBC news said she went as a white person. Newsflash: White people go to HBCU’s so it is possible. Anyone can apply to a HBCU. You don’t have to be black.

/end rant

———-

I’ve hit a weight loss plateau. I’m between 134 and 135. It has been that way for a week. I don’t feel as if I’m going to lose anymore. That might sound dramatic but what if my body’s feel good weight is 135? I don’t want to believe that is true because even with the meds I’m on, I was 125 pounds about 2 years ago. (? – I can’t remember exactly when). I don’t know. I may drink more water, see if that helps.

Nutrisystem is not a good diet for people trying to avoid carbs, btw. I feel like I have to mention that. NS is high in fiber which is good. But you have to watch the carbs. I happen to love carbs 😉 so I love NS.

I went to the free gym today. I only walked a mile on the treadmill. I was trying to get home quick.

———

I was going to place an ad in the newspaper about my upcoming yard sale but it costs almost $30! What if it rains? I’ve been thinking about it and there is no way I can have the sale if it rains. My porch has a tiny cover but I have way too much stuff. It won’t fit on my porch.  So I’m just going to stick to free advertising for now. When I look for yard sales, I always look at the free options. I never think about the newspaper. I’m not posting signs because I don’t want neighbors to find out that way. They’ll find out when they see cars in the yard and I’m okay with them coming over.

I didn’t have to go anywhere after work all week. I stayed in Monday through Friday. Those are my kind of days! Love it. The next few weeks will not be like that so I’m enjoying it while I can. I’m off next Friday. There are probably billions of things I should do but I think I’m just taking my dog to the park. I hope he will sit still enough so I can get some reading in.

Speaking of reading…I got another library card today! Woohoo. Now I have 3  (legal – LOL) library cards in 3 different counties/cities. I love having access to so many books. To see what I’m reading now, scroll below.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Mariah Carey, Florence + The Machine, Indigo Girls, Lissie, Sara Jackson-Holman, Imagine Dragons, Kelly Clarkson, Kina Grannis

Thanks to Florence + The Machine and Indigo Girls for making me believe in the music of 2015. This has been a bad year so far (compared to last year).

Watched: NBA Finals, PLL, James Holmes trial

Hmmm, I don’t care who wins the NBA championship. I just want seven good games. So far, so good. I’ve been staying up late for these games though. #EastCoast

Movie of the week: Hot Girls Wanted  I expected this documentary on the porn industry to be better. I appreciated that it focused on younger girls (over 18!)  just getting into the industry but um, that is all there was. Average movie.

Books of the week: I’m juggling quite a few books right now. I brought Vanity Fair (the book) from Amazon. It is 755 pages so I don’t know where that fits in. I would like to read it this summer. Here goes…

books
books

Everyday I fight by Stuart Scott on page 147

I Am That Girl by the Alexis Jones (23% through) I might put this one on the back burner to read library books.

Eyes on You: A novel of suspense by Kate White on page 200. I’m trying to get back into reading fiction after mostly reading nonfiction for the past decade. This book is okay. So far, it seems predictable. If you think you would like a grown up version of Pretty Little Liars, check this book out.  Drama, oh my! 🙂

And here are two library books I haven’t started yet:

Not Fade Away: A Memoir of Senses Lost and Found by Rebecca Alexander

But Enough About Me…A Jersey’s Girl’s Unlikely Adventures Among the Absurdly Famous by Jancee Dunn

I hope I can keep the library books for 6 weeks otherwise, they probably won’t get read. Too many books. Not enough time. My fault.

Planner:

plans of the week
plans of the week

Nutrisystem: It worked for me!

Starting weight: 142
Current weight: 138.8

I lost 3 pounds during my first 7 days on Nutrisystem. Not bad, but not great either. I have learned so much on NS. I feel like I could cancel right now. In fact, I KNOW I could cancel right now. NS is one of the best decisions I have ever made. It told me what to eat and when. All the books I read didn’t help me. I will do NS for the month of June and then I’m cancelling.

I know what to eat. I know when to eat. I even know what to eat if I ever eat out again (hint: the boring stuff). I don’t really need NS anymore…but I do sort of like most of the food so why not do 1 more month? It’s probably not the best decision financially…

I don’t even get hungry on NS. Most days I don’t even need a dessert but I eat one anyway to get between 1,200 and 1,250 calories a day. After I go off NS, I will probably go up to 1,500 calories a day. I’ll eat more on days I work out.

The only issue I’m still having is vegetables. I eat about 2-3 servings of broccoli a day. How long before I get tired of that? I forgot how much I love cabbage so I will be switching it up once I go to the grocery store. Sometimes I’ll eat a tomato just to get enough servings in. I wish I liked more veggies. I’ve been doing okay with my water these past few days.

——
I said I wouldn’t do anymore estate sells. Uh, yeah. A men’s clothing store is going out of business. I could not resist. I’m going to do my first sale on June 6. Since my mom has is coming and she has other things to do, we will only be out selling for a few hours. So I will be going back solo very soon after that. I need to stay a full day. Some people won’t get there until noon and I’ll be gone.

I’m excited and desperate to get rid of this stuff. I have so much. I know I keep saying that. But it is soooooo much. Too much to sell in one day. I can’t even fit all of it into my car. That is a good problem to have…if I can sell this stuff. I will get rid of it somehow, of course.
————–

Maybe I was more alone than anyone in the whole wide world. Maybe that was okay.

– Cheryl Strayed

I’m finishing up the book Wild by Cheryl Strayed. I guess some of this is a SPOILER if you don’t want to know anything about the book but I’m not giving anything away that isn’t in the beginning of the book. I don’t get it. I know people grieve differently. People are different. etc. etc. But I just can’t relate to her. Her mom dies so she does heroin, has a ton of sex, and hikes a hard trail? HUH? Why VOLUNTARILY put yourself through the the trail part? I just can’t relate. Life is hard enough. I’m not going to hike a trail when I’m in a fragile state. I would die if I lost my mom so I do get her grief. But her reaction to it…. I can’t relate.

Someone close to you dies so you decide to put yourself through more grief?? Yeah, that make sense. I’m missing something. This is the definition of making life harder than it has to be. I don’t have time for this ish. lol.

So I’m not really enjoying the book. I’m surprised so many people liked it. I find it boring. I bet the movie is good though.

Let me write my own line

My new scale says my weight is currently 139.4. Hmm, I don’t believe that. There is no way I LOST 2+ pounds in 3 weeks. Maybe the clothes I wore to the gym were heavier? It isn’t like I was wearing jeans when I weighed myself at the gym. I don’t know. I’ve been walking 30 mins a day, mowing the lawn weekly and that’s it. No major food changes. In fact, I’ve kind of been eating more since I know I’m starting Nutrisystem on Sunday. 😉 I can’t believe I’m going to be on a diet (the first 7 days are unfortunately a diet) during my vacation/birthday. Who does that? BUT I can eat as many vegetables as I want so I don’t feel like I’m completely punishing myself.

I can’t wait for the first 7 days to be over. Then I can eat boiled eggs, fruit, snacks…and even bread! I’ve been on the anti-processed food bandwagon but since I don’t really cook, I feel like this is the best start for me. I’m looking forward to eating processed food after banning it from my diet. I know that’s weird. I’m only doing it for 2 months. I hope I can afford 2 months. That’s the plan.

I’m sooooooooo not looking forward to going to North Carolina tomorrow. My dog is going to be boarded for 2 days. 😦 We have never been away that long. (I adopted him in December 2014). But since he is being boarded maybe I will have time to go to Duke or eat out somewhere.

As of right now, I have decided to NOT get a business license.  I think it will delay me getting started. The county where I live doesn’t require one so I’m just going to sell at a couple of local places. My first sale will be my first (or second – lol) free weekend in June.

Quote from one of the best books I’ve read this year:

There is nothing more desperate and unrequited than the love an unpopular girl nurtures for the cool kids. One day, the kids in the popular clique were teasing me, about what, I don’t remember. I got angrier and angrier as they taunted me, not only because they were teasing me but also because I was so painfully aware of the gaping distance between where we were and where I wanted us to be….

From Bad Feminist: Essays by Roxanne Gay. This is a great book. So many good points. It is sort of a memoir and I think that is why it “only” has 4 stars on Amazon. She sometimes goes on personal tangents that don’t seem to have anything to do with feminism.

Posting this short entry now because I don’t know how much I will be able to update. The next two weeks are very hectic.

My faves

Because listers gotta list, yo!

It took me about 5 minutes to come up with each list so needless to say these aren’t really my favorite books, movies or moments of my life. I forgot some in each category. I finally can print since I have connected my printer to my laptop. #winning 😉

Top 10 best moments of my life:

best moments of my life?
best moments of my life?

I covered up the last one because I’ve never discussed it in my blog.

Best books I have read:

fave books
fave books

Favorite movies of all time (sorry for the blurriness)

favorite movies
favorite movies

Favorite lines from a movie. This is not my favorite line but it is memorable. My favorite was too long.

favorite lines from a movie
favorite lines from a movie

I’m  going to skip a few days because the topics don’t interest me. Now I’m going to make a Spotify playlist and take a nap. Then I will need someone to talk me out of joining NutriSystem. lol. I just want to join for 1 month. I would only recommend it to people who don’t cook and spend a lot on groceries. I don’t spend much on food so this would be a huge bill hike for me but I want. :/

went through hell to prove I’m not insane

I’m starting my #NoSpend NOW. It is a must, not a want. This will be hard for me because there is an item I want that will probably sell out within days or weeks. The release date is March 2nd. It isn’t even that expensive but no can do. (total cost without shipping is $59 for 3 things). I am testing my willpower. I hope it doesn’t sell out. lol. I will buy nothing other than groceries through March 31st.

I still don’t have water. THIS SUCKS! I can’t even blog about it. It just sucks. It was 50 degrees on Sunday. Did I get water for one second? NO. ugh. :/

I’m stepping out of my comfort zone soon. I’m recording at least one video (probably two) and uploading it to YouTube. Of course the videos will be all about my planners. I’m 90% done with my Kikki.K planner. I’m waiting on dividers from Finland*. Then I will be ready to record. I already did a practice video and it came out okay. It will probably be about 5 minutes long. I talk really fast and don’t want it to lag. The video would be 10 minutes for the average non-shy person.

(*Of course I have to have dividers from Finland.  I couldn’t find any I liked from the U.S).

This is huge for obvious reasons. I’m not showing my face. No reason for that. 😉  But I will be talking *gasp* and showing only my hands. I won’t embed the video on this blog because this blog is supposed to be anonymous but I will post pictures of my planner. And I’m sure some people already know my youtube handle so you can go there and see it.

My biggest fear is reading responses…and having to respond. How many rude people will post? Hopefully not many. These videos are VERY popular so I expect at least 200-500 views within a month. I’d rather get an “unlike” any day before I get a rude response. Once I get my dividers, I’ll be ready to record. I’m definitely excited to produce my very own youtube content. But I’m also scared.

The other video will be on my Plum Paper Planner. That planner isn’t ready. I have only been using it since Monday and I’m just figuring things out. I will probably be ready for a video on that in April…if the Kikki.K one doesn’t scare me into hiding!

Here is an example of the kind of video I would like to do:

It is just a flip through of the planner. It is amazing how many people love these videos. Her video has been up less than 2 months and has over 30,000 views!

I finished reading  Get Rich, Lucky Bitch!: Release Your Money Blocks and Live a First Class Life by Denise Duffield-Thomas. This book is for people who believe in the Universe and manifesting. Simple as that. I wouldn’t recommend it to people who aren’t into those things. There are plenty of other financial books for more um, practical people. Actually I consider myself a pragmatist BUT I have seen this stuff work in real life so how can I not believe?

She isn’t just about sitting around dreaming. She believes in doing. That is how she got where she is. But she also believes in manifesting your own luck. Check out her website. I’m definitely a lucky bitch or I’m trying to be one. 🙂