Somebody once broke me

My official weight is 139.4. 😦 If I  When I start my new food plan tomorrow and stop compulsively eating; my weight will go down. I am exercising on most days. I average about 20 days out of the month. Yes, I could do better.

There is a 5% chance I might go to Vegas for my birthday instead of the state park. As you can see that is a very low percentage. I’m not counting on it. But I am thinking about it. I would only go so I can take my mom. My mom has never been out west so that would be fun. Last time I went by myself in October. It was so hot. What is May like there? It’s probably worse…right? ugh. I need to go during February.


I went to Bath and Body Works today (Black Friday). Instead of going to the “dead mall,” I decided to go to the outdoor mall near me. It wasn’t crowded at all. That was great because it gave me time to smell “new to me” scents. I’m not that familiar with Bath and Body Works fragrances. I didn’t go to the other mall because I didn’t want to be tempted by Victoria’s Secret. I could use a new bra or two.

Anyhow, the special was buy 3, get 3 free.  Here is what I purchased (all full sized) –

  • Warm Vanilla Sugar body lotion (for my mom’s bday or Xmas)
  • Japanese Cherry Blossom body lotion (definitely for me – my fave)
  • Moon Light Path body lotion (new to me. fell in love with in the store)
  • Moon Light Path shower gel
  • Hello Beautiful shower gel (new to me. I love floral scents. obvs).
  • Vanilla Bean Noel body lotion (smells SO good. want to keep but will give to my  mom for bday or Xmas)


They gave me a $10 off a $30 purchase coupon and I already have plans for that. I want a Vanilla Bean Noel lotion for myself (Why didn’t I purchase TWO? ugh!) . It looks like it is just around for Christmas so I will go back there soon and pick up a bottle along with other items once I know what I love.

This week I…

Music of the week: Miranda Lambert, Rihanna, Little Mix, Lori McKenna, Solange, A Tribe Called Quest, Bruno Mars, JoJo

I started working on my top 16 albums of 2016. I know thousands are waiting for this list. 😉 As of right now, I know what my #1 will be. But there might be one more release before the end of the year.

TV of the week: The Crown,  basketball

I’ve been watching a lot of basketball (mostly college) recently. But let’s talk about The Crown! No spoilers.  What a good series and a good history lesson. I don’t keep up with royalty…at all. I don’t watch the weddings or read the gossip or even look at pictures. This show taught me a lot. I had no idea the Queen had so much to do with the Prime Minister. Who knew??! This show is so interesting. It isn’t the best show ever, but it is good, and I would recommend it.

The only thing I did know is that the Queen loves corgis. As a corgi lover, I adore that. My last dog (RIP) was a corgi mix, and my current dog is a corgi mix. They are the sweetest dogs. I LOVE CORGIS.

Movie of the week: none

Book of the week: The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin is a quick read. I’m about 40% through it. I’ve wanted to read this book forever, and it was finally available as an ebook from my library. I know I’m late.

Also reading The Binge Eating and Compulsive Eating Workbook by Carolyn Coker Ross. I’m on the part about food plans. I’m going grocery shopping on Sunday, and I’m using this book as inspiration. I’m so glad this book was available at my library at the right time.

Planner Update: This week’s plans in my neutral Erin Condren planner:


Plans for the Weekend: Work. I’m glad to work this weekend because this will probably be my last weekend to work on this particular project. I thought it would last until mid-December. I read the numbers wrong. This is ending very soon, and now I’m worried I won’t be able to make as much money as I wanted. I just wanted to make at least $475 (like last month). But I’m not sure that is going to happen. My paycheck will be over $300 which is what I need, so I’ll be okay.

Other than that, I’m going to pick up my professional photo on Sunday. Nervous.

Have a nice weekend. 🙂

I keep the engine running

I’m thankful I don’t have to sit around a table and give thanks. HAHAHA. I’ve never been to a Thanksgiving dinner. Ever. I’m so thankful for that. ROFL. I crack myself up. 🙂

Anyway…Last year I read how Black Friday at the malls is mostly dead. Well, if that is true, isn’t that the perfect time for me to go to the mall? They still have deals. I’m thinking about it. I want to go to Bath & Bodyworks. My sister got me hooked on their Japenese Cherry Blossom lotion. That is now my fragrance. (I don’t wear perfume). So I want to try their shower gel while it will probably be on sale.

What if people are into shopping more this year than last? People keep saying Black Friday is dead. Well, that sounds good to me. Let me buy what no one wants. I would also go to Victoria’s Secret. I have nothing in mind I want to buy there, but if there is a sale, I’ll look around. That would probably be it for me. I would probably be too scared to go to J.C. Penny. Even at that dead mall, that store will have more people than usual on Black Friday. JCP will have bath towels on sale for $2.99! I want. 😉

Oh, and then there is Forever 21! Should I stop listing stores? I just want to look at their purses.  WTF is wrong with me? (don’t answer). For the record, I’ve never purchased a purse from F21, but I have drooled over one or two.

So I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I don’t think I’ve ever gone to a store on Black Friday. I’ve always been too scared of the crowds. I see nothing morally wrong with it since I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving and I think holidays are dumb. I hope most of the people working are making more than they usually make and maybe they want to get away from family??? That’s just me hoping.

Since I stopped therapy, I rarely leave the house these days. (sad, but true). So an outing to an unpopular mall sounds good. I can still work at my PT job before and after the mall. I’ll probably be gone for less than an hour. Yep, I think the mall and me have a date on Friday. I won’t spend more than $50.

I was going to do something stupid regarding food tonight. I didn’t do it. Good for me. I was so tempted.  Oh! I got the binge/compulsive eating workbook from the library. It is awesome so far. In fact, I’m going to get my journal and read the book right now. I’ll link the workbook in my next blog post.


Learn something new!

Shop Craftsy’s Pre-Black Friday and Black Friday Sales!

(sponsored post)

Edit: Everything is on sale now through December 1. Not sure why they refer to this sale as pre-black Friday etc. The classes are $19.99 or less now. (For some classes that is a bargain!)

This week, Craftsy is hosting some amazing sales! Here are the details:

On Wednesday and Thursday, Craftsy is having a Pre-Black Friday Sale! You can uncover the Pre-Black Friday Sale: Enjoy Big Savings on Yarn, Fabric & Kits !

From Friday through Sunday, Craftsy is hosting their Black Friday Sale! All Classes $19.99 or less! Now is a great time to get the classes you’ve been eyeing all year! Craftsy classes also make a great gift, so do some holiday shopping for the crafter in your life.

Shop now because you won’t want to miss these incredible sales!


I totally fell for this sale. I’m a sucker for a course…especially from Craftsy. They also have yarn on sale and I brought 4 hanks! The good stuff. It was a bargain. I can’t wait to get it.

I do feel a bit mixed on sharing a sale. SPEND MONEY. Uh, no – but this is for learning and hell, I did it. I just love Craftsy so much and I will continue to share their (good) sales. After I work on my practicum tonight, I’m going to get started with a small lace project from my new class: Lace Knitting: Basics and Beyond with Eunny Jang . I’m so excited…and I’m going on a tangent. /end

I won’t say all this every time I post a sale, I just want to point out they have cooking, photography, woodworking, knitting, jewelry making, sewing, crocheting classes AND MORE. So far I have enrolled in knitting, cooking and crocheting classes. The best classes I’ve taken so far are Crochet Basics & Beyond (w/Kim Werker) and Knit Lab.

All the classes are not great. Read the reviews first. They do offer money back if you don’t like a class but I’ve never tried to do that. Another thing I don’t like is when they consider a class ‘beginner’ but it is clearly intermediate. Hate that.

Oh well, I’m going to go now.  Bye. 🙂

Psychiatric hospitalization

Psychiatric hospitalization is generally both frightening and reassuring to suicidal patients. It continues to carry a heavy stigma and to create personal, economic, and professional difficulties for many individuals. And as we have seen, it does not prevent all suicides…Hospitalization is too often seen by both patients and their doctors as a symbolic defeat or as the treatment of last resort, rather than as an occasional necessity for a serious problem. These beliefs, which tend not to accompany decisions to hospitalize people who have other medical conditions, are pervasive and dangerous, and they stand in the way of good clinical care.

William Stryon, who described his hospitalization for suicidal depression as a ‘way station, a purgatory’ strongly regretted his doctor’s reluctance to admit him to a psychiatric ward:

Many psychiatrists, who simply don’t seem to be able to comprehend the nature and depth of the anguish their patients are undergoing, maintain their stubborn allegiance to pharmaceuticals in the belief that eventually the pills will kick in, the patient will respond, and the somber surroundings of the hospital will be avoided.

From Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide by Kay Redfield Jamison
I’ve found a lot of quotes/passages in this book that I’ve wanted to blog about but I thought I would post this since it is on topic with my most recent posts. I can’t afford a hospital stay. How low can one go? Personal, economic and professional difficulties??? Uh….But if I could get a guarantee of normality by going to a hospital, I’d do it in a second. I know through just my life experiences that guarantees are a joke. Nothing is really guaranteed. I do find it disturbing that Styron doesn’t think doctors know the depth of their patients pain. WHAT? Isn’t that what they deal with all day? Hmmm. I know when I’m feeling suicidal (or anything), I’m not good at articulating it. I can write about it. But if you ask me, I’m “fine”.

And most people know that if you talk too much about suicide, that is a guaranteed hospital stay. I’ve lied to counselors and doctors about wanting to kill myself. I didn’t want to be hospitalized.

I have the utmost respect for people living with schizophrenia and manic depression. I don’t know if I could survive that. To get up every day – especially for the people who are extremely aware – and just getting through the day…I cannot imagine that. Fight on! You are strong.

(Perhaps the above paragraph is worded incorrectly but I’m out of it and hope what I mean comes across).

Perhaps I shouldn’t be reading this book now. Kay Redfield Jamison’s other book: An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness literally changed my life. I can’t say that about many books. I made a semi major decision based on her book. I don’t want to divulge what decision that was at this time.
My computer “broke” yesterday. I was my own geek squad and manage to fix it myself!! I’m so thankful for that. *Whew* Crisis averted. Microsoft = 😦 One day I may get a Mac desktop but I’m not an apple fan due to my iPod experience. I returned that thing within a week of getting it. But maybe if I got a Mac and a iPod, I could be living happily in Apple world. Maybe I should find out exactly what a iPad does. But if I can’t do dial up with it, then it is pointless. LOL.

What I did on Black Friday:


It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I know people would be like “You should be happy to be able to make extra money” blah blah. But money has never motivated me. Even if I was normal, I would not be making anywhere near 6 figures because my goals are not aligned with money. Anyhow, I’m glad I worked. I somehow managed to get a lot of sleep on Thanksgiving. I did not eat turkey, btw. I don’t get the turkey thing at all. Why do people eat it only 1 day a year if it sooooo good? That doesn’t make sense to me but then again most stuff doesn’t.

Stop the tangent.

Yes, I’m talking to myself. I manage to not buy anything but I’m thinking of getting some gloves from Amazon. They are on sale, a nice brand, lined etc. I do need gloves.

Who cares? I’m working tomorrow too but not for 6 long hours. heh. I’m paying my tuition on Tuesday after work. Some with cash and some with a (temporary) 0% interest check. That is why I’m doing OT. All of my money is going to the tuition and books.

No matter how much sleep I get I’m always so tired.