Treehouse

Can anyone explain to me why women are still putting up with periods? It’s BS. Okay, if I knew I wanted kids, I wouldn’t get on birth control to stop my period. I just wouldn’t. I’m not a doctor, but infertility is such an issue these days. I wouldn’t risk it by being on birth control for years. But I’m 100% sure I’m never having kids, so this isn’t an issue for me.

I’ve been on this BC for about two years, and now I haven’t had a period in TWO months. That’s a huge win!! I hate having a period. So I’m like, finally! I tried Depo Provera to stop my period. It didn’t work. It might be suitable for birth control, but ugh, it didn’t work for stopping my period. It made it worse.

So my point is, for a lot of women, having a period is voluntary. Why do they choose to have one? Have they been brainwashed? I have no idea. Anyway, I’m sure my period will probably eventually come back for a month or so. 😦 As long as it goes away again, I’m fine. This is the first time I’ve skipped two months in a row. It’s been every other month these past 6 months.

I’m not filing bankruptcy…as long as my bank account doesn’t go negative again. Unless something unexpected comes up, December should be fine. In January, some asshole is going to try to get $420 from me. I’ve already talked to him once. (Hence calling him an asshole – ha). So I have to ask the bank to stop the transaction, OR I’m going to be negative about $300 if my budget is right. I have to stop it.

Speaking of unexpected things, I should probably file bankruptcy for that reason. But I’m going to try not to. I just hope nothing surprising happens.

I’m working on a project for my biz. Unfortunately, it won’t be ready until February or March. It’s a 12 part series. I have to record 12 videos! So yeah, it’s a big project. I’m currently working on the sales page and getting excited. But I won’t feel like it’s really real until I finish recording the first video. After the first video, the other 11 will be a breeze.

I should have done this instead of working on an astrology course. I’m not rereleasing the astrology course until October 2020. I have to recover from this last release. Creating a course is HARD. No one really said that. They said, “A course is hard to sell.” Well, 6 people bought the course from me. So selling wasn’t the problem. It was the actual creating and teaching. ARGH. I want to say never again. But I kind of promised these 6 people, I would redo the course, so I will. And I’ll have a good time doing it. I just need a break from that.

Anyway, I’m really excited about the series. I just feel a bit anxious because I haven’t started creating the videos. Like I said, if I don’t make $3600 (in revenue)  next year, I will probably hang it up. I might try something different. Or I might take a year off and then come back to astrology or go into something else. I know other modalities. So I don’t have to stick with astrology. I just really like it.

Election 2020: Still bummed Julian Castro wasn’t at the debate. How dare Gabbard and Steyer be there, but not Castro? I loved the moderators. I feel like Kamala stood out the most (in a good way). Yang didn’t get much time. Booker was funny and made two good points (not that I was counting). Biden wasn’t good, but who cares? He could shoot someone on 5th avenue and still… 

I really enjoyed it overall. I watch the news too much to find it informative. I’m glad they didn’t spend too much time debating healthcare.

I don’t care about Trump, so whatever. I did watch about 50-60% of the impeachment hearings. I found that informative because usually when Trump is mentioned, I tune out.

This week I…

Music of the week: James Arthur, Tanya Tucker, Lana Del Rey, Ariana Grande, Sara Bareilles, Carly Rae Jepsen, India.Arie, Jessie Ware

I’ve been listening to Sirius/XM radio, so these results aren’t exactly accurate. (I can’t track what I listen to on there).  I have a FREE 3 month trial to Sirius. I plan to enjoy every second before I cancel.

TV of the week:  This Is Us, RHoP

Podcasts of the week: Don’t Talk to Strangers, Polyvagal Podcast, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines,

Books of the week: 

  • Her One Mistake by Heidi Parks – Liking this more than I thought. Well written
  • The Good Guy by Dean Koontz  – not sure I’m going to finish this. But his books do sometimes start slow. I just don’t have the patience for slow starts right now.
  • Letting Go by David Hawkins

Weekend Plans: – I worked for free at my day time. Then I worked on my biz. So basically working. I have astrology class tomorrow, so I will get some knitting done. 😉 I love that I can knit and pay attention. I’m just thankful that I may not have to get a part-time job. I need time to see if I can make revenue.

Thanks for reading! Have an awesome week. 🙂

If I were a different girl

Countdown

95 days until my Getaway from DC 

The Depo-Provera is finally out of my system, and I’m so thrilled! It didn’t take that long. TMI Warning! My periods are much lighter (but not light) and only lasts 3 and a half days. Okay, you can say 4 days. Thank God. I’m loving the BC I’m on. I’m on Bilsovi Fe. The only downside is that my stomach is much bigger and it may have caused weight gain. 😦 BUT I think it might get rid of my period.

I was going to quit Bilsovi in the near future because I’m not having sex and the bleeding from the Depo is gone so why do I need it? But if there is a tiny chance it can get rid of my period, I will stay on it for at least a year. I’ve been on it for about 3 months so far. If you really care about weight gain and bloating, don’t take Bilsovi. I care, but I don’t care enough to quit just yet. I want to post this quote again about Bilsovi. It gives me hope:

After several months on treatment, bleeding may be reduced to a point of virtual absence. This reduced flow may occur as a result of medication, in which event it is not indicative of pregnancy.

I started with the good news first. Now the bad. The day before my birthday I’m getting a pap smear! ROFL. How much does that suck? Uh, at least it’s not on my birthday, right? It is very painful for me. I’m not looking forward to it. But how else am I going to continue to get my BC? I have to go to the OB/GYN. Plus, they were nice last year and said since I’m a virgin, I didn’t have to get a pap smear, so I’ll get one this year. I think I’m going to ask if she can put it on my record that I only have to get one every other year. It sounds like a good plan, but once I get in the doctor’s office, I probably won’t mention it. I’ll see. Once I get off BC (if It doesn’t stop my period), they won’t see me for a while.

I now realize that buying the MacBook Air was a horrible idea. Of course, I really knew that from the beginning. I blame it on the Abilify. I really do. I would have NEVER done something like this prior to being on it. Oh well. I bought it, and it’s here now. I’m not using the Air that much. I’m still using my HP.

I still love my Mac. Nothing’s change.  I should have waited until my HP was really dead. I should have had more patience through that Sunday morning instead of getting frustrated. I got pissed and wanted a new computer NOW. Eventually, the Mac will be my main computer, and maybe I won’t feel so bad. I know it’s worth having. It’s just weird because I’m barely using it. Such an expensive toy to barely use. It will be my primary computer once my HP is really dead.

Buyer’s remorse sucks! :/

I just got back from seeing my psychiatrist. I haven’t seen him in about 6 months. He doesn’t get it. This is why I was searching for a new doctor. I called a few people. I left messages. No one called me back. What should I do? Just show up and make an appointment? I don’t live that far from the office I want to go to.

Anyway, he was SHOCKED that I had side effects from quitting the Abilify. LOL. WTF? Am I supposed to believe that? Where is a competent doctor? I told him I had nausea and I couldn’t eat. Etc. Apparently, he has never heard of such. All he has to do is get on the Google Machine and see that other people have the same issue. And he’s a freaking doctor! He should know!

I talked him into giving me a 2mg dose of Abilify. I will split the pill in half and take 1mg a day. I have to use a mail order pharmacy, and unfortunately, it is snowing right now so I won’t be mailing it off tomorrow. I also won’t be able to test my lawn mower tomorrow due to the snow. 😦 I wanted to do it while I have a half day at work and while my neighbors would be working.

I’m really low on my anti-depressant. Really low as in I have been taking a half of dose for the past 3 weeks and I barely have anything left.  I have to mail these prescriptions off ASAP. I don’t know when I’m doing it. I probably won’t feel like going out and removing the snow from my car tomorrow. On Thursday, it is going to be 60 degrees. Why not just wait until the snow melts? Too bad I won’t have medicine. Whatever. I’ll live. First world issues.

Bridges burn, I never learn

Countdown:

1 day until Marianne Williamson’s NYE retreat (via live stream)

9 days until I see Marianne Williamson LIVE

23 days until I see (and meet!!) Gabby Bernstein in LA

I have to say one thing about Marianne’s live stream. I had no idea the times on the website were pacific standard time. lol. Of course, it would be. It’s taking place in LA! Anyway, the start time for Friday will be 10:30PM for me. I will be barely awake at that time. I was planning on taking notes and things throughout the whole retreat. Uh, probably not happening on Friday night. The good thing is that I will be able to see everything else live this weekend because I will be home since it all takes place during the afternoon and night.

Ugh. I look like I’m 6 months pregnant and I haven’t even been eating that much because lack of Abilify took my appetite away. This birth control definitely doesn’t agree with me. But hey, it stopped the bleeding which is more than I could ask for. So I’m staying on for at least a year. Maybe a little less. I don’t need BC so I’m not planning on trying anything after I get off this. I just wanted to stop my period, but I can’t have everything, I guess. ::sobs:: I’m going to be stuck with my period forever. Why have a period for no reason?

I’m feeling much better now that I’m back on Abilify. My appetite still isn’t really back, but I can eat so no complaints. I’m not looking forward to going off again. I get back from LA around midnight on January 21. Do I dare slowly wean myself off starting on January 22?

I’m getting excited about Los Angeles even though I shouldn’t be going. LOL. I have a much better itinerary then what I posted last time. I’m not going to the beach on that Friday. Here is a rough itinerary as of today:

Friday: Griffith Observatory (all afternoon/evening)

Saturday: downtown LA (morning), Gabby Bernstein (afternoon/evening)

I know that doesn’t sound great to a lot of people. But I would be very happy to get to do just those things. Downtown LA is a lot. I want to explore all of downtown in about 4 hours. Btw, I’m so scared to find out how far the Observatory is from my hotel. I know I would probably not plan to go if I knew how much an Uber would cost. So I’m not checking for now because I really want to shut that place down. 🙂 It closes at 10 PM.

I kind of want to go to In-N-Out Burger. We don’t have one here. I should have my appetite back fully by then.  It is very close to the hotel/airport. I just don’t know when to go. There are so many food options. I definitely don’t need to go to In-N-Out.

As long as I make it to LA *on time*, I’ll be fine. When I went to Oaxaca City, there was a plane malfunction and I was stuck in Mexico City for a night. I had to get a hotel.  Then on my way back from Vegas, I missed my connecting flight. But that wasn’t a huge deal since it was on the back. I’m not going to be in LA long so there’s no time for delays. I can’t stand hearing about planes turning around or flight delays right now. It makes me anxious. What if I miss Gabby? I’ll die!

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8):  Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Demi Lovato, Mariah Carey, Ariana Grande, City High, Julia Michaels, Laura Marling

I have a like/love relationship with Taylor Swift’s music. It should be hate/love because some of her albums I hate. But her latest album I’m loving which is a shock to me. I was so disappointed when I first heard it.

My top 17 albums of 2017 is coming in January. 😉

TV of the week:  The Crown, The Jump, House Hunters, basketball

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week:  The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes, All In With Chris Hayes, The Lively Show, Mentally Chill, Don’t Freak Out

Books of the week: 

Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

DSCN0615

Plans for the Weekend: Besides “attending” the Marianne New Year’s retreat, I’m taking my mom out to eat for her birthday and that’s about it.

Oh, wait. I thought that was all, but I just found out that I’m working overtime this weekend. I wanted to say NO so bad, but I really need the money. It’s cold and my electric bill is going to be sky high so I have to work the OT. I hate winter. Last winter was mild so I figured this winter was going to suck and so far I’m right. My house is so cold, I feel like I may as well be outside.

I feel bad for the homeless people. We have at least one shelter that opens at 7PM. But you need a referral (??) and they don’t give out food. I hope everyone can fit. I have no idea how big the place is.

It’s going to be so cold on NYE, Kool & The Gang canceled their concert!! I like Kool & The Gang and thought that would be a nice concert, but there is NO WAY I would want to be out at midnight on NYE in the cold. I didn’t know it was going to be this cold. And I think the people in NYC are nuts for waiting for the ball to drop in the freezing cold. Nothing could make me stand out there.

Have I mentioned how much I hate the cold? Maybe I should go on? I need to move somewhere warm all the time, but there aren’t that many options in the US. Texas is one option I kind of like. For now, I want to stay in the States. Later on, I would consider leaving the US.

Thanks so much for checking in. Have a great weekend! 🙂

The one that got away

I could have a new job. But references got in the way. I didn’t even need to fucking interview!!! They liked my resume, my experience, and my certifications. All I needed were managerial references. Our company has a policy that our managers can’t be references, but that wasn’t the real reason I didn’t get that job. Even without that policy, I would have a hard time getting a reference.

You know that crappy cover letter I sent? Apparently, it wasn’t so crappy. She called and we talked and I was very close to having a new job. My first thoughts were I guess I’m not going to LA. I was supposed to start ASAP so there’s no way I could still go to LA and take the job.

My second thoughts were about leaving my work at home position and leaving my dog alone all day every day. He is so used to me being there all day. I know the dog thing is very lame, but I would worry about him being alone all day. And who doesn’t want to work from home?? Of course, I would hate to leave that. But to better my career, I would have to do that.

Ugh. At first, I was fine with not getting the job. But now I feel lame. I knew I had a reference problem. I’ve known this my whole adult life! Sigh. I’ll just keep working from home and one day I’ll find the perfect opportunity at the perfect time.

Right now is not the best time to leave my job. It’s not just about LA. 😉 I can cancel that trip and not lose too much money. In fact, I was thinking about it before the whole job thing. I’m STILL thinking about not going. I lose more money by going than by canceling the trip.

Without Abilify, I’m more practical. That is why I want off of Abilify. But today I was thinking about going back on because the mornings suck. I can still work. If I couldn’t work, I’d go back on the med in a second. I couldn’t eat breakfast this morning. Eventually, I’m going to stop fixing breakfast because all I’m doing is wasting food.

And the new birth control. WTF? Maybe my body just hates BC. The great thing is I can let it dissolve in my mouth! The bad thing is I have to take food with it or I feel very, very sick. Today I took it with food and I still felt a little sick.

I feel sick now. I don’t know if it’s the depression, the birth control or something I ate. blah.

Oh, and the OB/GYN called me to tell me my iron was low. No shit. I’m going back to taking iron pills. She said that she hoped I stopped bleeding. ROFL. I’ve only taken the BC twice. Is she serious? She left a voicemail so I didn’t talk to her. I hope it does stop the bleeding before I go to LA…if I go to LA.

Today has been a weird day.

I’m always running from my life

Good news: I’m off Depo Provera! Of course, it won’t leave my system for a while.  She put me on another birth control. This time it is a pill. The only problem is that I don’t swallow pills so if it says, “don’t crush” I am so screwed. She didn’t tell me the name of the pill so I can’t research it. She sent the prescription straight to my pharmacy.  I’m going to pick it on Saturday. I just hope I can crush it and that it works to stop my period.

UPDATE: I picked up my BC pills today. She put me on Bilsovi Fe. I can’t tell if they are chewable or not. PLEASE God let them be chewable. That would be so great! This is what I like the best about this pill:

After several months on treatment, bleeding may be reduced to a point of virtual absence. This reduced flow may occur as a result of medication, in which event it is not indicative of pregnancy.

I don’t like the “several months” part, but maybe since my body is still on Depo, it won’t take that long. Or I might be doomed and have a period forever. blah.

She asked if I wanted an ultrasound to see if I had fibroids. I was thinking “YES!”, but then she mentioned that it would be painful. Um, I don’t voluntarily do pain so that’s a no. I had no idea that an ultrasound would be painful. I’m so glad she mentioned it before I agreed.

Abilify update: I was able to eat a light breakfast this morning and drink coffee! So maybe I’m not doomed. I’ve been off Abilify for about 16 days. I can definitely tell a difference, but I’m not extremely depressed. I just hope this lasts. I don’t want to start back up again. But I can’t go to LA depressed. I just can’t.

I was hoping my dog would get to stay with my mom during my trip, but he’s being boarded. 😦 I know he hates the vet so leaving him there will suck. It’s also another expense, but whatever.

I just canceled my downtown LA hotel and I’m so sad. I really, really, wanted to stay downtown. Now I’m stuck near the airport.  There seems to be nothing of interest within walking distance. This changes my whole trip. BUT I do get free shuttle service to the airport and to the hotel so that will save me some money. I will probably go downtown via an Uber. Since I’m not staying at the other hotel, I don’t have to worry about the noise from the nightclub. YAY.  The hotel is very nice and I got a decent deal.  Wifi isn’t free. Bummer. I’m not sure I’m going to pay for it. At this point, I’m leaning towards not paying for it.

My sad itinerary is as follows as of today –

Friday: Manhattan Beach

Saturday: Downtown LA, Gabby Bernstein

That will probably change. I’m not sold on going to the beach even though I love the beach. I was supposed to be exploring downtown LA both days.

I’m trying to do my packing list. It is so long. I’m only taking my purse and a carry on suitcase. Most of the things I’m taking are small. Do I really need 2 Kindles? I’m serious because when I went to Las Vegas, my Kindle battery died and that sucked. I hate long plane rides. Hate them. I’m going to buy The King’s Speech (a movie I’ve been dying to see for years) for the plane ride. I also have Psycho which I’ve seen about 50 times.

I’m going to download a bunch of podcasts on my iPad. Yes, I’m taking my iPad too. Of course! However, I’m not planning on taking a laptop. I think 2 Kindles, a cellphone, a real book and an iPad is enough for a plane ride.

I go from being excited about LA to blah. It is a little overwhelming. But I went to Las Vegas alone and Mexico alone. If I can handle Mexico City’s airport, I should be able to handle anything. Mexico City’s airport was crazy!! I said I would never go through there again.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8):  Pink, Paramore, Taylor Swift, Ke$ha, Kelly Clarkson, Tim McGraw, Demi Lovato, Ed Sheeran

TV of the week: basketball, news, Homeland, Vanderpump Rules

Movie of the week: I watched Weiner last night. I didn’t think it was as great as most people seem to think it was. I thought it was sad. I was rooting for Anthony Weiner when he ran for mayor of New York…until the second set of photos and texts were released. Sad documentary and now he’s in prison.

Podcasts of the week:  A Killing on the Cape, All In With Chris Hayes, The Lively Show, Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations

Books of the week: Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get To Work Book

DSCN0599

Plans for the Weekend: I’m staying in! Woohoo! I did everything I had to do on my 3 days off. I’m probably going to stress a little more about LA. Now I know it wasn’t a good idea. I think I was on an Abilify ‘high’ when I decided to book everything. Now I’m back to reality. Not smart. :/ Oh well. I’ll blog more about this next time.

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend. 🙂

Still a little defensive

First I gotta say: I’m surprised so many women take any type of hormone-based birth control because of the side effects. It’s not just the side effects. It’s about putting hormones into the body.  I feel a little silly for taking it just to lessen my period. But I did it. It’s over. I had my first injection of Depo-Provera on Wednesday. I can’t take it back. I don’t have to get a second or third injection if I don’t want to.

Some women feel the side effects of DP immediately. The only side effect I’ve dealt with so far is a little soreness in my muscles. Nothing major. It is barely noticeable. Oh! First I have bad news to report – I am getting a pap smear in late April. WHY???! Ugh. It hurts so much.* I am going to ask do I have to get one annually since I’m not having sex. I did skip getting one in 2016.

*It doesn’t hurt non-virgins nearly as much as it hurts me. I’m not trying to scare anyone. This is just my experience.

So I’m bummed and terrified about having to get a pap smear. It will only be my 3rd one. Sucks to be me. 😦 Anyhow, I will get to see my OB/GYN when I go in April. YAY. I didn’t get to see her on Wednesday. Everyone at that office is so nice. I love them and would recommend them to anyone.

When I mentioned that I heard about Depo-Provera and the side effects, the nurse practitioner said the only side effect she knew of is weight gain. LIAR!!!!  Okay. Um. But I don’t want to gain weight. She said my weight was fine (WTF?) and that DP was better for me because I am pre-hypertensive. The pill could raise my BP. I’m hoping I don’t gain weight, but I am prepared for that side effect.

The main side effect that concerns me is the depression, of course. But I’m on an anti-depressant and Abilify, so I hope I’m fine. People also reported acne, hair loss, and mood swings. Those seem to be the most common side effects…along with the weight gain. I can deal with hair loss and moderate acne. I’m not going to like the weight gain, and I cannot deal with depression.

I’m going to be optimistic. I’m going to manifest good thoughts about my body and DP. (don’t laugh). All is going to be well.

While walking through the parking lot, I wanted to scream I’M ON BIRTH CONTROL! Yes, I’m very, very, very late. But a tiny part of me felt a little normal. And then I look at the rest of my life and nah, not normal.

P.S. The injection did not hurt AT ALL. I forgot to mention that.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Grace, Ingrid Michaelson, Cheyenne Kimball, Missy Higgins, Mariah Carey, A Tribe Called Quest, Halsey

Song of the week: Grace – How to Love Me (live)

TV of the week:  basketball, Homeland

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: Reading  Tears We Cannot Stop: A Sermon to White America by Michael Eric Dyson and Gosnell: The Untold Story of America’s Most Prolific Serial Killer
Ann McElhinney

I just ordered The Universe has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein. I already read it a couple of months ago. It is so good! I knew I needed to own this book after I first started it.

Planner update: Plans in my Erin Condren Planner –

planner

Plans for the Weekend: I will be out of the house almost all day on Saturday. I won’t get much studying done. Sunday morning I will study, and if I don’t do a lot of damage at the grocery store, I might go to Michaels. I have an awesome coupon, and I think I can get what I want for under $10. It is going to be 75 degrees on Sunday. Before the coupon, my goal was to study and then go outside and read on the porch with my dog. I might try to fit it all in.

The one thing I keep putting off is backing up my files. I have it in my planner for Saturday, but I doubt it happens. I just don’t feel a strong need to do it. Maybe I will just backup the stuff related to my certification. Everything else can wait.

Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂